Dialing In with Brett
It’s sad, really. No one wants to start a podcast nowadays — so Brett stepped up. Dialing In with Brett is a dry-comedy show where comedian Brett Neustrom does what any curious (but lazy) person would do: cold calls people with his “hard-hitting” questions. Are all “boy moms” secretly in love with their sons? Do parking enforcement officers ever feel guilty? Do old people have sex in nursing homes? Brett’s got the questions. The guests have the answers. And you? I’m sure you probably have nothing better to do.
Critics are calling his unserious, light-hearted, and wildly dramatic interrogations a brilliant way to nourish the human psyche. (No critics have written in, but I’m sure they’d say something along those lines.)
New episodes drop every Thursday… Now, let’s dial the f*ck in.
Dialing In with Brett
10. will an entire bottle of whiskey get me drunk??
This week on Dialing In with Brett, Brett plays truth or drink, questions astrology, and doesn’t dial anyone in due to being overserved… we will be so back next week.
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hi, this is brett. I was dialing you in because I had a question. I there's no way. Hello god, what a dick. Fuck it. Joshua Tree episode. Ay, ay, I'm like I know this whole episode is just going to be like shots of my crotch. Oh, it's drunk. Episode two I need to get a little bit drunker here now. Actually, one second, one second. Can you guys count me down from five?
Speaker 1:Five, four, three, two.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, that's fucking crazy. Can I actually?
Speaker 1:have alcohol on screen or no?
Speaker 2:you're asking the wrong person you're asking the wrong bitch, yeah, okay, wait, let me actually just like, maybe I'll turn it backwards they can't do anything about that um try to demonetize me.
Speaker 2:I'm not making any money anyways baby, what money are you gonna take away from me anyways, drunk episode. How the fuck are we? Um, I'm currently in joshua tree with the girls for a little workcation, if you will. Once every like I feel like I'm screaming, but I also feel like I have to because I'm outdoors and once every like two months I like I need to get the fuck out of LA. And I reached that time where I was like I have to leave immediately or something scary is gonna happen. So we booked Joshua Tree and we're here and again I told you guys, I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm turning over a new fucking leaf. My career is about to take off in a scary fucking way. The podcast maybe won't, but my career itself wow, just fucking wow.
Speaker 1:Um, here before it blows up, just like wow not only are we in joshua tree, but brett got a little retail therapy at the local walmart oh yeah, I spent a hundred dollars at a hundred dollars at walmart.
Speaker 2:No one is talking about walmart's clothes like dead ass, like I also haven't been inside of a walmart in so long. I feel like walmart is such like a midwest thing and they have them in la, but like the closest one's like 30 minutes away. I'm not fucking, no, I'm not doing all that. So I haven't been to a Walmart in so long. What do you mean? That? They're places that have like food and clothing at the same place. I don't count Target fuck Target, man, like I've like fuck Target.
Speaker 2:I've never been a fan of Target. I feel like their prices are insane. Walmart's prices are like like seeing those prices like brought back like a childlike joy that I haven't felt Like what the fuck do you mean? Things are $2 again. Like I feel like I went back in time. I bought so many clothes that were all like $6, which is cheaper than Goodwill.
Speaker 2:I went to Goodwill recently I'm back on my thrifting shit, which I got these shoes and the shirt too, but I like those prices are fucking nuts, which is crazy, because I give all my clothes to goodwill and then I come back. You know like, hey, man, it's me like remember me, I gave you half of my fucking wardrobe. No, I'm paying 22 for a henley, 22 with a want a hen for a henley with like a blood stain and like some secretion on it. Fuck, no, I also washed one of my pair of shorts and there's like still a stain which is like it's tough. When it's like damn, that's like if I made that stain and it like still stayed through one wash, I'd be like, yeah, like I'm a klutz, but when it's from Goodwill, it's like damn. That really is like that's like damn, that really is like that's like unsettling.
Speaker 3:Did you try stain remover?
Speaker 2:I did not and I probably won't. I got towed a pretty good bit recently, which obviously y'all know about if you listen, but I still have the Sharpie that they put on my fucking window, which, again, which is like the cherry on top, like like y'all already fucked me over in more ways than I can even count. And then on top of that, you have to like write my fucking license plate information with a sharpie on my like that's just mean, that's genuinely just mean, and like I feel like I can't catch a break and I'm just like always drowning and that's why I have to fucking go to a Joshua tree. Just like escape. It's like we are truly five minutes away from like a Starbucks, but it feels like we are just like no one has ever existed near us and there's like a new found, like I'm like no, I'm just like.
Speaker 2:I'm kind of like someone who's quiet. I'm like not, I don't like. I'm not obsessed with my phone. My screen time is just like one hour less than it usually is, which is 19 hours a day. I'm like no, I just like I don't know, I just like is it bad that I like to read?
Speaker 1:and brett's been making really great progress on the silent patient.
Speaker 2:I have been here have we talked about the silent? I'm sure we have briefly yeah, I'm over like 220 pages, which is fucking insane for me, and I was at like 130 like four months ago. So it's like, truly, when you think about it, like fuck, I am flying through this book like nobody's business and now I like care about it.
Speaker 3:I'm like, yeah, like whatever, I'm invested in a plot last night it's like 8 30 and he's like I'm kind of tired. I I'm just going to go in and read my book and go to bed early.
Speaker 1:These are words that have never come out of his mouth before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, y'all. Joshua Tree, me's different. I'm like shy and shit, like I'm on my academic shit. Let's just, oh my God, like the world is just, it's so much bigger than us, it's so much bigger, that's dead ass. It's so much bigger than us, it's so much bigger. That's that's how I feel. Y'all. We filmed some cool promo, y'all, y'all like that shit it hasn't been edited or anything.
Speaker 2:We just literally took it and so we don't. Actually, I don't know if it actually will turn out well or will look cool at all, but if it does, yeah, we filmed it here. We filmed it here and that's why we had to come to joshua tree. It was. We had no fucking choice but to come here.
Speaker 2:I don't know a lot about astrology and I kind of don't want to learn more because I don't want that to be a part of my personality, because I think some people have just ruined astrology by just making it so annoying in their entire personality. Anyway, I want to get into it. I'm finding myself. I've been stretching at night. I've been stretching at night which I give credit to bailey, because bailey is constantly in a downward dog in my movie room um, and now I'm, I'm getting out there. I'm stretching, I'm I'm working on myself. Which, honestly dead ass. If I don't start seeing results here quickly from stretching, like I'm gonna be so fucking pissed because like, yeah, I'm all for, like you know, working on myself, but if I'm doing fucking child's pose in my bedroom by myself after hours, like I'm be mad, like that's so fucking vulnerable for me to be like ass to ceiling, like I don't want to be vulnerable like that unless I'm seeing results. Right now I'm not seeing any results and I want to be able to do a back handspring.
Speaker 3:Mind you, you've been stretching for four days. I think it's like a commitment.
Speaker 2:I can't do that when, like, how long do I have to commit? Forever, what do you like? How long do I have to commit? Forever? What do you like? Shit like that. Like I'm like even just eating three meals a day, every single day. Or like doing my laundry, I'm like what do you mean? Like for the rest of my life, I'm going to do that. Like every single day, when I wake up, I have to think about what I'm gonna have for breakfast.
Speaker 1:Like that sounds like horrible what are some like um new takes on life you've had since being here on our retreat? My god um we have like full electricity.
Speaker 2:I've not put my phone down once um. Walmart is five minutes away and we've gone two times and spent over like six hundred dollars there but we have seen like eight coyotes.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, we had this very intimate experience with two coyotes yesterday. Coyotes, I don't know, I just like the way it sounds, that one's performative, but they were just like running through our front yard. It's kind of like an open floor plan, I guess here, like we don't really have a fence or nothing, so also it's been hard to keep Rita like around and also there's so many critters and also coyotes, anyway. So we saw two coyotes just running through our front lawn while we were outside like huffing and puffing, and we were outside reading the script of the movie. While we were outside like huffing and puffing and we were we're outside reading the script, um, of the movie that we're anyway. Um, we were just like okay, all right, we're actually gonna get our shit sorry, we'll get out of y'all's hair.
Speaker 2:You guys. No, no, you guys go, you guys. You guys we're gonna get out of here, we're gonna go inside anyways, um, y'all take your space, um. But yeah, it was like very scary and rita was in her kennel outside, like girl.
Speaker 1:Girl, you're named after a hot dog.
Speaker 2:What are you going to do? What hot dog?
Speaker 1:She's a wiener dog.
Speaker 2:You think what is Rita has to do with a hot dog.
Speaker 1:Rita is a wiener dog. I mean her breed is named after a hot dog and she's trying to act ferocious Against a coyote.
Speaker 2:Wait.
Speaker 3:He's plastered.
Speaker 2:I'm so hammered. No, I wish.
Speaker 3:Speaking of Rita, I want you to talk about the bondage you purchased for her.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, I accidentally bought my daughter Like the sluttiest fucking top you've ever seen, like truly just like a camisole. I fucking love the word camisole so much. I was with my friend Annie and she like somehow convinced me I needed to get Rita like a whole new wardrobe, even though she has a perfectly fine collar and leash. But actually she like got out of her leash on a very busy street for like half of a second and I like genuinely like sharted my pants like it was the scariest shit ever. So that's why I had to get her like a bondage harness. Anyways, we go into, um this pet store and somehow I got her just like this like rock star biker babe bdsm blouse that is just like it's black and silvery. So we keep making jokes. I'm like I think I'm just gonna wear like this and like a miniskirt and kitten heels out, um. So I'm wearing rita's bondage out with like baggy baggy jeans and like, um, maybe a small hill, um, a ballet flat, um. But yeah, also, I'm gonna address the whiskey really quick.
Speaker 2:I there are some things in life that like no one believes me I'm just doing like not in a pick me way, and one of them is drinking whiskey. I truly have recently started enjoying whiskey and I love the way whiskey makes me feel, but my friends have made me feel like the most fucking pick me as bitch for having not necessarily all. By the way, like, y'all are mostly mark safe, you're in josh tree, but um, I just. I've been getting a ton of feedback about the fact that I've been trying to like get into whiskey but then bitches order like a dirty martini. You don't like that shit. That's performative. Like no one genuinely is having. Like a dirty martini, like, oh, like that's not anyone's favorite drink. I think you're, you're fake for that.
Speaker 2:The thing is I know zero things about whiskey and so I want to continue to drink whiskey, but then like, oh, what type of whiskey do you want? What's that? What's that baby? What's that baby? Um, I don't know the difference between bourbon or rye. So then, whenever they will say like, I'll be like um, well, what do you guys have? And then I'll just like pick one. But yes, yeah, can we do that? Can we do that? I like truly could not. Evan williams, I think I ordered one time bourbon.
Speaker 3:Who.
Speaker 2:Maker's Mark Evan Williams Went to high school with my ex. My ex Mary Evan Williams, fuck Maker's Mark Suck off.
Speaker 3:One time I ordered a whiskey sour At a bar and the bartender had to look it up To see how to make it. So I like See his phone propped up and he had to keep going back To see how to make it. So I like see his phone propped up and he had to keep going back to check the recipe and I at that point I was like I'll chew a vodka soda, like that's fine, so sorry.
Speaker 2:How do you get a job as a bartender and not know what like a whiskey, sour is?
Speaker 3:well, I was like is that like, is that crazy?
Speaker 2:is that? Am I bad? Oh my god, is that bad? Um, but yeah, that's the whiskey Thing. Again, I'm not being fucking Pick me, I'm just fighting myself. I'm just turning over a new leaf.
Speaker 3:Do you guys like the desert?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but like I could not be here for more than like Six days.
Speaker 1:Uh, yeah, I like it. It's my first time ever in the desert Right now. I really love a cactus. It's like my favorite plant, so I've been loving seeing those of all different shapes and sizes.
Speaker 2:Aww.
Speaker 3:Brett, I bet Brett's going to cut that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, yeah, keep saying that. Whatever you say, it's just going to be completely cut.
Speaker 3:Which, like landscape. Is that the word I'm looking for?
Speaker 2:do you guys think is the most like, inhospitable, where you're like I would not survive. Well, I'm like. The fact that desert is a part of deserted is like how are you going to be desert to?
Speaker 3:anyway, I think I would be really bad in the jungle I feel like I really would do well in the jungle. Really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I also can do like water. I could do.
Speaker 3:I could survive well in like the middle of the jungle You're gonna get into like the Nile yeah. You're okay with the animals in there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm a fast swimmer, yeah.
Speaker 1:I swam for four days in high school. Have you seen a hippopotamus?
Speaker 2:Have I seen a hippo?
Speaker 1:Oh have you seen a hippopotamus? Have I seen it? Oh yeah, like a video, like they're fast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that shit's scary.
Speaker 3:Do hippopotamuses exist in the jungle?
Speaker 2:In the Nile. What do you mean? Like something that big can swim? Like that's like, how can that swim better than I? That's so bad.
Speaker 1:But like dead ass, like how is he moving faster than I am? Wait. I also just remembered that at walmart the other day a guy like saw you from across the store and goes hey man, six, three brett's. Like yeah, that's awesome man that was the whole interaction.
Speaker 2:And then I do like, and then I he was, I didn't say anything, I was like yeah, and then he was like I can't believe I guessed that first try. I was like, yeah, I truly like. People will really like, do that pretty frequently where, and it's always when I'm by myself. So I'm glad you guys got to experience that. I feel like it's always like older women. They're like my god, and then I'm just like, and it's at like a trader, joe's, and then I have to like entertain this conversation of this woman just being like struck by my height and I'm like like you're so tall, what do you say to that? What do you want me? Oh, my god, wow, did I tell you guys that my friends in high school said I'm not attractive tall. I'm stare at an airport, tall and, and that really stuck with me, you had mentioned that.
Speaker 2:Okay, don't act like. I've said that 40 times. Yeah, no, you've said that.
Speaker 3:Six seven.
Speaker 2:Six motherfucking seven.
Speaker 3:Okay, back to rhinos and hippos. Which one's the mean one?
Speaker 2:Are those the ones that have had a good reputation for a long time and then recently, like I feel like hippos?
Speaker 3:are those the ones? They've been around for thousands of years?
Speaker 2:wait are those, the motherfuckers? Um, wait, that's the one who they used to be like, everyone used to fuck with. Now they but dead ass. Like I were like wait, hippos are so cute, like I imagine like little stickers of them. But then I think we saw them swim and we were like holy shit, like we need to like.
Speaker 1:They can also eat an entire watermelon in like one bite.
Speaker 2:Me as fuck Me with my Chipotle burrito last night.
Speaker 3:Did you ever get an Ivory Ella t-shirt? No, but like I know a bitch like that that was, like my type in high school slash college, a girl with an ivory t-shirt and a loci bracelet.
Speaker 2:She's bad as hell and also cares about the fucking planet. Fuck, she cares about animal conservation. Did you guys ever have those shirts? They were like I don't know how to like. Every bitch had them. Every girl I hate to like put women in a. Every woman had them. It was like fort lauderdale and it was on like the top yeah, half spirit jersey, is that what it was called?
Speaker 3:yeah, and they were usually like 75 dollars I had on which one did y'all have well, I, I had like one for like my high school. It said like go rooms.
Speaker 2:Damn Okay, coming from money, your high school had what are they called Jersey Spirit jersey.
Speaker 3:Well, and then, like my dance team like had one, but I was wearing like a very, very normal sweatshirt, like a very plain sweatshirt.
Speaker 2:This was like a year ago sweatshirt this was like a year ago and my co-worker goes nice spirit jersey. I'm sorry, what? That's worse than a slur like you can't say that.
Speaker 1:Um, I think mine just said iowa hawkeyes. I also loved, oh my gosh, like from victoria's secret and or love pink, like yoga pants with the like top kind of flap the band.
Speaker 2:If I was like a girl during that time, I would have been a thot.
Speaker 1:I was Half up, half down hair, a v-neck, a push-up bra.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And some flared yoga pants paired with toms.
Speaker 2:Sweater Uggs Like the gray and mine were walked on the inside of Holy shit.
Speaker 3:Completely tarnished and in the summer, in the summer, a pair of Sperry's with that. Oh shit, did you ever own like Sperry's or Uggs or Tom's?
Speaker 2:Tom's, no Tom's If a man has a Tom Tom. If a man has a Tom, Tom's If a man has a Tom Tom. If a man has a.
Speaker 3:Tom Toms.
Speaker 2:If a man has a Toms.
Speaker 3:A pair of Toms A pair of Toms.
Speaker 2:Do you know the thing it's like? Do your? Are your parents aware of your LGBT lifestyle? It's Wendy Williams, that's how I feel like. It's like a man wearing Toms Is your family. I haven't looked at the camera. I'm so sorry y'all Like I'm just talking with my girls. I forgot y'all were here. My crotch, my gooch, is to cam, gooch to cam. I'm going to do like a side sip.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I want you to sip on your drink while I ask you this next question.
Speaker 2:I was going to say we could do like truth or drink Ooh Okay. Well, how about?
Speaker 1:trivia. I just have one question that.
Speaker 2:I really want to hear it's going to piss me off.
Speaker 1:No, you don't. Yeah, I do. How about camels? Oh no, brett Hamilton, newstrom, what do you think a camel's hump is made of? Made of what do you?
Speaker 2:think is inside the hump, cartilage, bone marrow, white blood cells. I don't fucking work here like what do you want? I'm not a zoologist, what?
Speaker 1:do you think is inside of the humps? Water that's what I always thought too. I fact checked it drink bitch that came there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right drink no, that's not right.
Speaker 1:There's fat. They store fat in the humps. Okay, hopefully there are no camel experts listening.
Speaker 2:What was this game? What are these questions? What did this become? Trivia.
Speaker 3:What is the largest desert in the world?
Speaker 2:Sahara.
Speaker 3:Nope, that's the largest.
Speaker 2:Hot desert world sahara nope, that's the largest hot desert. Oh, we're talking. Not, it doesn't necessarily have to be a hot desert, oh fuck I had no idea.
Speaker 3:Okay, not hot desert biggest, okay, joshua tree joshua tree, oh, not hot desert.
Speaker 2:That's gonna be joshua, is it actually?
Speaker 3:No, this is like an entire continent.
Speaker 2:Africa.
Speaker 3:Nope.
Speaker 2:Largest oh Antarctica.
Speaker 3:Yeah, good, that's a desert, I guess, bitch, because it's deserted, you have like eight sips.
Speaker 2:I thought it meant like maybe more questions like regarding me. Oh, where it's like, if I don't want to answer, I drink.
Speaker 1:Oh okay, who's your most recent sexual encounter and what did you do? In great detail.
Speaker 3:All right.
Speaker 1:I'll drink which one of your friends podcast is your favorite I love all my friends podcasts, but my favorite have you ever listened to any of them?
Speaker 2:yeah, I've listened to at least one episode of every single one of my friends podcasts. I truly, I think, brooke one time my friend, my friend sorry um, you guys don't know. My friend brooke one time said a true sign of a good friend or a sign of a good friend, no, good friends, don't listen to each other's podcasts. That was before I had a podcast and I was like, hey, once I start wine, it's gonna be like different. You guys definitely should like be listening every single week.
Speaker 3:I'm kidding can I ask you some questions about, like your beliefs in astrology, etc. Okay, um, do you believe in psychics?
Speaker 2:I've like gone to a couple psychics actually my first ever episode. I'm just gonna address this. I called in a psychic. I know I didn't call in a psychic. Why the fuck would I call in a psychic? I dialed in a psychic, um, and the episode was great, except for, um, me in the episode and that's why I would completely, uh, cut it. And also I built an entire set but I believed the woman, randomly, the first woman I've ever believed. I literally never believed women, um, but for once i'm'm kidding but I believed her. And she also told me that there was a guy and two guys Living in my house not gay, believe it or not, it's a father and a son, a spirit, that live in my house and I believe the woman and I think they live and she said they're friendly.
Speaker 3:Where do they reside? In your home?
Speaker 2:I didn't ask.
Speaker 1:I'm always curious If spirits can like see you when you're naked. Yeah, where do they reside in your home? Um, I didn't ask, I'm always curious if spirits can like see you when you're naked? Yeah, hopefully. They just like close their eyes.
Speaker 2:No, they were asking me yesterday. They then, the girls, were asking me if Rita has ever seen me naked which she has. And every single time I'm like stop.
Speaker 3:Ew, look away, you freaking pervert. Like, like what. So there's a full moon on sunday the corn moon.
Speaker 2:We did. Oh my god, I've never told y'all this. Can you imagine? It's like you guys you've told me this like six times like which is like a very real thing. I one time I was so in love with this person. One time I saw a TikTok that was like here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna write down what you want 17 times in your journal. You're gonna rip it out, you're gonna dig a hole in your front yard and you're gonna bury it, and then you're gonna cover it back up.
Speaker 2:And I did that and I wrote down I will marry blank, I will marry blank, I will marry blank, I will marry blank.
Speaker 3:I will marry blank 17 times um people are like hating on you and you're just digging a hole, putting your affirmations in the ground, like y'all are shitting on me and I'm digging a hole in my front yard. Keep in mind that it is going to be a very transitional time, as we're changing into new seasons, so think about letting things go. Are you going to put moon water out?
Speaker 2:No, but Bailey put up moon water for us a couple weeks ago and then we drank it and I made affirmations, I said a few things while I was gulping the water and I also chugged it. She didn't tell me to chug it, but I was like I feel like if I can do this all in one, that would probably be better, for you know the spirits and shit like that. I got a crystal. I was having just a bummy fucking week man, just like shit out of luck, and I went to buy a piece of art, which ended up being two pieces of art, and this lady was. I actually had to even see it was just like a negativity stone. Yeah, fuck it, I'll pay $16 for this and she gave it to me for free. I'm trying to think if I've felt any different recently. No, it's actually not really. Actually, no, no, I've actually felt the exact same, maybe even worse.
Speaker 1:What sign are you, Brett? I am an.
Speaker 2:Aries. And what do you know about that? I actually don't know anything. Um, I think Aries gets like a bad rep. I also think I wasn't very Aries for a very long time but I've kind of grown into being an Aries and I think now I'm more fiery than I've ever been. Hey, hey, yeah, I really don't know anything. Maybe we could actually just read like what an Aries is, just so I could.
Speaker 3:Maybe even hear it, I might not like what you hear. The Aries is the youngest sign which actually like, I'm actually just saying shit.
Speaker 2:What does that mean? Like we're newest, it's the youngest sign out of the. Zodiacs Gen Z of Zodiac.
Speaker 1:Imp. We're newest, it's the youngest sign out of the Zodiacs, gen Z of Zodiac Impulsive, confident, impatient. You're so impatient, passionate, yes, aggression, yes, competitive yes. Aggression.
Speaker 2:Energetic, energetic. You think I'm aggressive?
Speaker 1:Like not, I think not. You're not like going to start a fight.
Speaker 3:Actually, yeah, you are going to start a fight. Actually, yeah, you are gonna start a fight.
Speaker 2:Aries, I feel like, are typically known to like fight hard, love harder, fight like siblings, fuck like rabbits.
Speaker 3:I'd rather be a lover than a fighter, fighter is there a sign that you typically like meet and you're like absolutely not?
Speaker 2:I mean, I feel like it's just like based off of like the very few people I know that I'm like I don't fuck with you because you are this like I don't fuck with you and then also you're this sign, so like moving forward, I'm gonna fucking hate every single person I meet. That is your sign, if that makes sense can you tell us what sign that is?
Speaker 2:it. It changes bases. It changes base off of who I hate at the moment. If that makes sense, I need to refill. Sorry, I'm actually kind of drunk now, deadass.
Speaker 3:I have a quick description from Wikipedia of the Aries. So their strengths bold, courageous, passionate, independent, ambitious. They are fiercely loyal and have a strong sense of fairness and are quick to defend those in need. Great Weaknesses can be headstrong, impulsive, impatient and prone to overcommitting. They can also be quick-tempered and may struggle to finish projects they start.
Speaker 2:Dead ass. Not me at all. It doesn't sound like me. Never met a guy like me.
Speaker 3:Do ass, not me at all, it doesn't sound like me, never met a guy like me.
Speaker 1:Do you believe in witches? No.
Speaker 2:Drink, Drink. So I either have to I answer it or I drink.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:This is so Jimmy Fallon coded.
Speaker 3:If you were on a deserted island, what three people would you take with you? Wait that's not that hard.
Speaker 1:Guy who just wants to drink.
Speaker 2:Guy who. Oh my he's so fucking bad Holds for bartender. There's no way Quickly.
Speaker 1:He gets scary when it gets slow. You're killing him.
Speaker 2:I was in this like feature film that was so bad and there is this scene where we're killing this witch and um one of the girls yells you're killing her and then like one of the last scenes of the whole movie is fuck, what is it? It's my line and it's like so, like yeah, like mic drop moment, which is like it's so fucking cringy.
Speaker 1:I know we made that up.
Speaker 2:Let her rest no, let the bitch sleep, that's what it? Is because she's in like a trance where she like can't get up, and I am like no let the bitch sleep and when during like the premiere, which was just like a ton of like college kids and parents like college kids, where was it?
Speaker 2:College kids and parents at like a random theater. I don't know when. I did that. Like everyone cheered, also, like during this. I actually want to find pictures from this. It was called Pretty Boy and I went to Texas for like three weeks to film this and I knew no one and like they just did me so fucking dirty with every look I look like such a lesbian.
Speaker 2:In every single scene they styled my like, they caked on the makeup, they styled my hair horribly like side sweat bangs like side, sweat, fucking, curtain, bangs and every and like my friends were like laughing and like you look like a lesbian in this scene. Yay, exactly what you want your friends to say at a premiere for your new movie.
Speaker 1:Brett, you're sounding a little drunk over there.
Speaker 2:It's the drunk episode. I told you I was getting drunk Deadass.
Speaker 1:You kind of got that drunk voice going on.
Speaker 2:You kind of got that thang thang Anyways.
Speaker 3:What color do you think your aura is?
Speaker 2:um, my aura is as follows um, I actually don't know what's like. What are the different auras?
Speaker 1:imagine all the colors that exist, and then what do you?
Speaker 2:I know, but like what is? I feel like each aura. I got my aura read one time. I have an aura picture. Can you toss me my phone? Do you mind Wait? What was I looking at?
Speaker 1:I feel like your aura would be Black, brown, beige.
Speaker 2:I'm so black cat aura. Do you guys think I'm black cat or golden retriever?
Speaker 3:energy Worse, bailey, that's like fucked up black cat or golden retriever energy worse bailey.
Speaker 2:That's like fucked up, like genuinely like cut this shit, like that's actually like really mean and we need to have a private conversation about that. Y'all you know what you fucking love, even in a remote location. Yeah, and I've had a little bit of alcohol in my system, so, yeah, will I be even worse at no dead acid. Y'all hear that, though what?
Speaker 2:was that I literally cannot sleep at night because I think someone's gonna break into our house anyways. Am I in the wrong? You know it, you motherfucking love it. Am I in the mf wrong? Oh wait, I do want to say something. I want to give a shout out to 40 year old, 40 plus year old women everywhere listening to my podcast. Um, my mom listens, their moms listen, my mom's friends listen. That's so fucking insane to me and I, like I wish you guys wouldn't, because I feel horrible for being so vulgar and crass, but also like those are my girls. Like, are you kidding me? I got the 60 plus community Like god damn it.
Speaker 2:I love y'all Truly. If you're over the age of 60, this is for y'all. I love you Truly. Like wow, just fucking wow. I'm so sorry you have to listen to my fat ass talking all day. Anyways, am I in the wrong? Is this episode 10? Double digits, bitch. We are in Joshua Tree, exclamation point. Am I in the motherfucking wrong? I, 24m, y' I-24M, y'all love the fucking 37. Whoa, whoa, whoa, the wind's taking me Kidding. I'm light as a feather. I-24m went for drinks with my friends.
Speaker 2:One of my friends' sister, 22f, was also present. All right, we eventually got on the topic of space, a mutual interest for many of us. I also studied astronomy at the degree level. My friend's sister then asked me what my star sign was. I looked at her confused and, to repeat her question, I burst out in laughter because I never thought I'd meet someone IRL in real life. For you 60 plus Fucking with y'all, by the way IRL who believes that nonsense. She asked me why I was laughing and I said, as someone who studied astronomy in great detail, astrology is deeply insulting to anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of space, which I know very well. I'm always talking about rudimentary this rudimentary, that like holy shit. Enough with the rudimentary. This rudimentary, that Like holy shit, enough with the rudimentary. She got upset but a friend changed the topic quickly. Sorry, I'm drunk. Later my friend told me that his sister said I was an asshole. Although I'm so drunk I'm trying to focus so hard.
Speaker 2:Maybe I was harsh, but as someone who knows a lot about space.
Speaker 1:It was offensive. My language am I in?
Speaker 2:the wrong? Oh, but as someone who knows a lot about space, it was offensive to my intelligence. Am I in the wrong if someone ever said, but as someone who knows a lot about space, it was offensive to my intelligence? I would like slap them in the face. Baby girl, like we are on, we are on planet earth. We are on planet earth.
Speaker 2:I here's the thing some people with, like astrology. They go a little bit too far where it's like baby, like this is your shit, not mine. And I think it gets to a point where it's like I'm you can have this belief, but like why are you trying to mansplain life to me through because I'm like a Scorpio? If that makes sense, let me reread the prompt because I completely forgot it.
Speaker 1:Say you're with your brother and you're just like at a dinner and you probably feel weird to begin with. You're trying to relate, so you go oh like, yeah, what about astrology? Um, actually, since I studied this at the degree level, that's an insult to my intelligence, shut the yeah, no, like dead ass shut up.
Speaker 2:But also, on the contrary, I feel like it's like a thing. I hate bitches who are like so anti astrology, where it's like, oh we gotta, oh yeah, we're talking about this like shut up that's not.
Speaker 1:On the contrary, that's right in line with what I was saying.
Speaker 2:You were saying like oh, I'm offended by the astrology wait, what no, I think it's not saying that like the person being like that was offensive because I believe in astronomy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like shut up. Oh, you're saying Like just let this girl yeah.
Speaker 2:To who?
Speaker 3:The guy.
Speaker 2:Who's saying.
Speaker 3:The one who's offended that the girl asked him what his star sign is.
Speaker 2:Let me see the M's in it 24 M 22 F.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I didn me see the m's 24 and sorry, I didn't see the m's and the f's, so the f's are the that one f. How many f's I have? How many f's I give about this episode? Kidding, I love this episode and I love y'all so fucking much, especially the 65 f's. No, actually, let's take a moment. Fuck, am I in the wrong? I know you guys love this shit so much that it's going to be like holy shit, why are you taking a break during? Am I in the Wrong? Like I'm on the edge of my fucking seat? But dad ass, dad, fucking ass.
Speaker 2:But truly, I am so grateful and I know that I always make jokes about how fancy people watch, but I have at least 100 people who are just watching every single episode and I would say majority of them are 65 plus f's and I'm like I fucking love the 60 f's and genuinely that means the world to me, and if you're not 60 f, I'm also grateful for you too, and truly I feel like I'm just rambling about bullshit and the fact that you guys listen every single week truly means the world to me and I'm having fun doing this and the fact that you guys are supporting me while I'm also having fun. I also need to address the fact that, like, am I negative? A pretty good bit, sure, alright, fucking busted. Okay, got my ass, but I also. That is a caricature and the real me is actually like freaking out that we have 60 F's in the room who are listening every week and deadass, that means the world to me, deadass, like again. Like you guys are probably having to Google translate.
Speaker 1:Wait, are you being deadass?
Speaker 2:I'm being deadass. Am I in the motherfucking wrong? Okay, back to the. Am I in the wrong? But truly I love you guys. Thank you so much for subscribing and listening. We Back to the. Am I in the wrong? But truly I love you guys. Thank you so much for subscribing and listening.
Speaker 3:We only have 2,000 of y'all, but but leave a comment. Please Rate us on Spotify, but please leave a comment with your H and your.
Speaker 2:M's or F's or your NB's. Thanks, here's the thing I do. I am not personally super into astrology, but again, as I was saying earlier, like y'all have your thing, y'all have your fun, like if you want to believe in this, if this makes sense. Also, like a lot of astrology does make sense, as I like hear the things about like an Aries. I'm like, yeah, that, like that checks out. But I also think, on the contrary, it's so annoying to be the person like yeah yeah, yeah, you're pisces.
Speaker 2:I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it. Like that's also hard, but also like, let the bitches like believe in astronomy, astronomy astrology what's astronomy the study of space and astrology is the study of horoscopes.
Speaker 2:If I knew someone who's studying astronomy and I was in astrology, I would be like, yeah, that makes sense for me to like ask that. And I think also, if you're like I study astronomy, not astrology, get off your fucking high horse. You're studying the planets, bitch, like you're not curing cancer. Mercury, this mars, that shut the fuck up like you're fine.
Speaker 2:Okay, you're a scorpio and you're acting like it. I hate that. I'm like kind of like pissed drunk and y'all are like stone cold. I'm trying to think if there's like anything that like I would need alcohol to talk about on the podcast you really do typically just talk about anything.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm like not shy to you really are an open book. That's a great quality to have.
Speaker 2:Well.
Speaker 1:Brett, if someone listening to the podcast wanted to ask you on a date, how should they do that?
Speaker 2:It's a very good question. I feel like if you want to date me, just DM me and I have definitely DM'd other people and it usually does not work in the slightest. But if you DM me I will see your DM.
Speaker 1:And if I want to? And what should they say?
Speaker 2:If you want to shoot your shot, I would say shoot your shot. I have shot my shot a pretty good amount of times in DMs. It has not worked in my favor personally, but I definitely would shoot your shot. There's nothing to lose. Say something funny, say something that I would get you know, which I also feel like with Hinge too, like I think Hinge messages we can do. We can do more, we can do better, like I. You have five pictures and three prompts of shit that I have said and posted. Like y'all can do more. Y'all can do more. Make me laugh, I don't know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I guess on Hinge. What do you guys think the best approach is? Do you think it's to be like Funny in the first message, earnest, simple, because nothing has worked for me. None of those approaches.
Speaker 2:I feel like if I really like someone, I'm like I will go through their prompts and be like okay, I'm going to curate a message based off of your prompts. These are things that you're letting me know that you have interest in, and so I can curate based off your interests and you think they should be earnest.
Speaker 1:You think they should, I don't think they should just be earnest.
Speaker 2:I mean I also like I really am looking just for the funniest motherfucker you've ever seen. Somebody just like makes me laugh like nobody's fucking business. But I feel like if anyone honestly has an earnest response on Hinge or like a rip, what would you prompt? If anyone has an earnest prompt on Hinge, like I'm immediately turned off or it's like what are you looking for? It's like a genuine connection? Shut the fuck up. Like that looks like such a turn off to me probably has cheated on every girlfriend he's ever had.
Speaker 2:It's like the meanest guy you know it's like someone who's real. I just want to like keep a real open communication Cheated on every single person they've ever dated.
Speaker 1:I hate when men have prompts, that their response is like two words.
Speaker 2:Words like perfect Sunday, the beach Genuinely. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Like what I look for in a relationship communication. Like okay, and it'll be like I, oh. Like I don't think any audio message has ever worked in someone's favor. I also hate the like how do you pronounce your name? And it'll be like Alec. And they'll be like Alec you are. I genuinely want you. Like. Not only am I not going to match with you, like I'm going to make it my mission to kill you.
Speaker 3:Do you find yourself often scrolling through your likes or people who have liked you and just feeling down on your luck?
Speaker 2:liked you and just feeling down on your luck there are, with so much fucking peace and love, like genuinely like glory to god, like dead ass.
Speaker 2:Like I love everyone. Every individual is so special and unique. There are sometimes I get likes where I'm like this hurts, this is bad for the ego, this is bad for the soul. Like I'm obsessed with you and your optimism, but like the fact that there's a world in, uh, that you imagine this is mean, actually I can't say that but like if you think there's a world where we end up together. I love you so fucking much. And again, again, like your personality is so fucking good, I assume.
Speaker 3:And again I'm obsessed with your optimism, but like it hurts me, I am taken aback and yeah, yeah, no, a few weeks ago we were in the in and out drive-thru line and holly was on her hinge great, uh, graciously showing brett and I her likes, or who had liked her, and she's like holly's a harsh critic, holly's xing on every single guy. Brett and I were like wait, no, that one he was. He was like cute, he was fine. Then she's like mad because she's like why the fuck are these like 53 year old buggy ass men? No, this was fucking nuts. And we're like that's because your age range is set to that.
Speaker 2:No, she's like wait, he literally looks like a 65 year old man. Scroll down, he's like 65. I'm like bitch, you are putting these age restrictions on.
Speaker 1:I know, but I'm looking for a silver fox. I just like I'm not looking for that, but I want to give the right hot older gentleman the opportunity.
Speaker 2:No, she literally would be like a 55-year-old man who looks like a 55-year-old man. She's like I like no, like I'm actually, like I'm fucking done. I'm like this literally looks exactly like a 55-year-old man. Like, stop being like you're throwing in the fucking hat. Change your age limit. Like no, like deadass, like what the fuck Baby? You set this at 72. This is like your fucking fault. I'm tired, would y'all?
Speaker 3:ever well, date someone with the same name as you. Fuck, no, absolutely not. I like no.
Speaker 2:The same name of you name as you fuck? No, absolutely not. So I like no, sometimes I get like brett's on hinge. I'm like get out of here like I saw a brett with one t and so I was like, no, you're like genuinely like me, like lonely as fuck, the loneliest I've ever been. I'm like, no, it could work, because like, I could be like tt, like holy shit, just like get laid. Bitch. Kidding, I have to pee so bad okay, go pee.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm gonna go pee y'all.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, holy shit, daughter episode, bring your daughter to work, type shit. She's like flying around. I call her gg, which there's like no, like I don't know, like the reason. Oh my god, her fucking like. Oh my god, oh, oh, read it a little cowgirl hi. She also loves to lick inside my nostril, which I don't prefer, but she fucking loves, oh my God, her hair on the fucking wind, like my God. Do you want to talk about some?
Speaker 1:gross things you've been doing on this trip.
Speaker 2:Sure what.
Speaker 1:Clipping your toenails, cleaning your ears, my.
Speaker 2:God, okay, I fucking clip my toenails in again the fucking desert, toenails in the again the fucking desert. And you would think these like I was like shitting on the carpet the way these girls freaked out why you have to clip your toenails so often I don't you like weekly.
Speaker 3:You're like where are my clippers?
Speaker 2:no, I'm shaving my toenails. I'm shaving my toenails, I'm shaving my feet down. Oh, my God, you guys, for you listeners, my warts Fine, call it what it is, it's a fucking wart. My warts on my feet have gotten so fucking like. They look so good at this point and I'm so close to like, just like, finishing them off, y'all.
Speaker 2:That was another fucking episode of Dialing In with Brett, where I had a little bit of you know what and got a little bit you know what, and now I have my you know what in my lap. Oh wait, like my dream date, and he knew it. Um, anyways, I love you guys so much. Thanks for me. Just like, rest and recover and restore in Joshua Tree.
Speaker 2:Like, my fucking god, did I need this? Like, will I be a much Better person because of this? Y'all, blow up my shit. All 100 of you Dead ass. Like I'm changing from 15 to 100. Like, wow, we have 100 of you present. My god, what a treat. Um, but, yeah, see all the 65 F's out there. You girls are my favorite, um, and everyone else. Hey, y'all, we're starting a fucking facebook group. We are starting a facebook group and I'm gonna be active in it and we're gonna be chatting, it's gonna be exclusive, it's gonna be fun, um, but yeah, we're starting a facebook group and that's gonna be up by the next episode, next thursday. And also, I think that the month of october is gonna be so fun. We have so many ideas. But, yeah, we're starting a Facebook group and that's going to be up by the next episode next Thursday also, I think that the month of October is going to be so fun.
Speaker 1:We have so many ideas that we haven't told Brett about yet we have so many ideas that I haven't heard about y'all.
Speaker 2:10 episodes out across all platforms and I'm drunk as piss and I love you guys to fucking pieces and hey, fucking pieces. Eh, eh, eh, eh.