Dialing In with Brett
It’s sad, really. No one wants to start a podcast nowadays — so Brett stepped up. Dialing In with Brett is a dry-comedy show where comedian Brett Neustrom does what any curious (but lazy) person would do: cold calls people with his “hard-hitting” questions. Are all “boy moms” secretly in love with their sons? Do parking enforcement officers ever feel guilty? Do old people have sex in nursing homes? Brett’s got the questions. The guests have the answers. And you? I’m sure you probably have nothing better to do.
Critics are calling his unserious, light-hearted, and wildly dramatic interrogations a brilliant way to nourish the human psyche. (No critics have written in, but I’m sure they’d say something along those lines.)
New episodes drop every Thursday… Now, let’s dial the f*ck in.
Dialing In with Brett
11. are college freshmen still using traffic cones as dorm decor??
This week on Dialing In with Brett, Brett recalls the time he had praying mantis(es) as pet(s), confesses he is the one to blame for losing an order of 15 fake IDs in college, and dials in a former RA.
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hi, this is brett. I was dialing you in because I had a question I there's no way. Hello god, what a dick yo. Welcome back to dialing In with Brett. We are back on set. This is our first episode back in the studio for a full episode. It truly has not felt like we've filmed proper content in this garage in far too long, so we're happy to be back. Let's get into it.
Speaker 2:Still have not addressed the waft.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a really good point. Yeah, that's scary. But also in our defense, what the fuck are we supposed to do? Call someone? No, I'm not calling anyone, I'm going to have to do that myself, but how, I just feel like I wish you guys could see. We'll insert clips. We'll insert pictures in the BTS photo shoot. They just look like piles of shit that are just kind of caked on the side of my garage and walls that I just like haven't addressed for so long.
Speaker 1:It's crazy that they can like kind of bring back a home, you know, because I feel like what? Also, how do they make that? What do you think that's made out of? Doesn't matter. Do you guys ever have like random empathy, like sorry, this just looks like fucking shit in here? Um, where it's like damn, I like low-key see wasps and not like see, like I like physically see, I'm like no, I get them like it's like oh, like they just like they want to build a house somewhere too.
Speaker 2:Like an ant carrying supplies.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm like wow, he just like really is like trying to. I feel like ants are guys Wasps.
Speaker 2:Have you seen?
Speaker 1:their waist. Ants are girls. Deadass would kill for an ant build Like, genuinely Like they. Hourglass figure.
Speaker 4:I'll say it. Did you ever watch A Bug's?
Speaker 1:Life, yeah, but, like so long ago, I don't have empathy for bugs. From that I just think like I'll just get like a random glance at an animal or a bug and I'm like it's their first time living too. I don't feel this way about snakes, though. Snakes, like in any situation, I'm like fuck snakes, like there's no, like I don't give a shit if they have a family.
Speaker 1:I had a pet prey mantis growing up named sally, that we found at a doggy dip which if you're not familiar with a doggy dip, it's at the last day at an aquatic center where it's like all right, fuck it, you can bring your dogs and kind of like destroy the pool because, like it's the last day of summer.
Speaker 1:So I brought our dogs and we enter sally. We saw the most gorgeous prey mantis struggling to fly on one of the pillars at the pool and that baby came home with us. Sally came home with us and she actually had kids, which I really don't remember what we did with the kids, but we would let her do like free fly around the house and we had like tall ceilings and she would like land on our faces, which, like if that should happen now, like I'm I'm swinging. If that happened now I'm pulling out my pistol and I'm shooting sally, because that shit's not funny. And then we had another one, tyler, which didn't make sense because we also had a dog named tyler. But I feel like kids, it's like you know, like t-y-l-e-r.
Speaker 1:Yes, tyler for a boy. I also think like naming animals is is so funny as a kid because it's like I know three names and one of them was Tyler, so that we could just do duplicates. It did get confusing where it's like, did anyone let Tyler out? And it was like, oh, are you talking about dog Tyler or prey mantis Tyler? And every single day we'd have to go to PetSmart and we'd have to buy crickets for them.
Speaker 4:Every day, every day how long did sally and tyler live?
Speaker 1:honestly, like I have no concept of time. It's just like there was a time when sally and tyler were there and then there was a time where they weren't, and I think we have sally's bone structure. I think we have sally's fallen frame in my house somewhere her corpse, her corpse I don't want to say corpse, because I don't want to think of her dead.
Speaker 1:Uh, imagine sally not alive holy shit, um. But now my mom has like an insane loyalty to prey mantises because it's like once you have one as your own, it's like holy shit, um. And so one time, out of out of football game, she saw like a little kid going. There was a prey mantis and he was like about to step on it and crunch it and she like was like slow motion, like no, like screamed at this little kid. He killed the prey mantis and then she yelled at him. So that's why I have a special place in my heart for prey mantises. Maybe I I'll get a praying mantis tattoo, don't?
Speaker 4:It would look gorgeous next to your butterfly and lover tattoo.
Speaker 1:That's so bad I need to actually get like a fucking like. I need to get two sleeves this weekend Because I need to fill up my arms, because I can't have lover being like the main thing in my arm. It's driving me crazy. In my defense I I was gonna get lover boy, but then I already have silly boy. I was like jesus, fuck, we get it. You're a boy like, calm down.
Speaker 1:And then also there was only like three options of tattoos to get, which, like I need to start saying no to just like a free tattoo. I also have this one that, like I don't know if you can see it it's a tiny little heart. Luckily they're not on my body forever. That's my favorite part about tattoos, um, but yeah, so I did get this one. This one reminds me of, like you know, those fuck ass usually with love, it's nurses who get this tattoo where it's like a heartbeat, but then also somehow like the skyline of minneapolis. But then there's also like a heart somewhere in there, like this is what that shit gives, and I know it's just a plain heart, but it's like the placement of it do you remember the trend?
Speaker 1:she put my name in yellow heart she put my name in yellow and it was kind of like an acting pov challenge on tiktok I just remember the song. What was the challenge?
Speaker 2:so there's a very famous video, charlie damelia very famous, she's like at a desk doing school work. But it's like she put my name in yellow hearts and then she looks up from her notebook and goes I put his name in yellow hearts.
Speaker 1:Oh, I have seen that in like a worst Charli D'Amelio moments top ten. Did Charli D'Amelio ever? Not that you have to get a degree, but like you know that like era of like Sway House, hype House, did all the people just like not get a degree and now are just kind of as an influencer yourself.
Speaker 2:Do you think that they're doing fine financially? It's really hard to tell, obviously yeah charlie could use a brand deal. I'm kidding did you ever participate in? Like the acting challenges? No can we get you to do one? No?
Speaker 1:I actually my drafts are literally just like voiceovers and the occasional. I haven't done an acting challenge in far too long, but, like when those are popular, I would just draft the shit out of that.
Speaker 2:I'd be like do you remember the videos that were like tiktok acting versus yeah? Will you make one of those?
Speaker 1:Sure, I actually want to get someone from the Sway House slash Hype House on this podcast.
Speaker 2:Who would you choose?
Speaker 1:I only know. I don't know the difference between the Sway and Hype. I know Noah Beck was Sway.
Speaker 4:Sway House was going to be Bryce Noah Griffin Blake. You shouldn't know this.
Speaker 1:I went and saw the Jonas Brothers this past week, which I wouldn't with love pay money to see the Jonas Brothers but I had a wonderful opportunity with my friend to go see very close to the Jonas Brothers because she randomly got tickets from Joe Jonas, which makes sense. I also yeah, i'm'm gonna fucking flex a little bit I Joe Jonas randomly policy on TikTok, um, and so obviously I had to send him a DM after just to shoot my fucking shot. I've never messaged him and I said that, like I saw him in concert and etc. Etc. And he said I was so hyped when I saw you what do you mean? Joe Jonas was hyped to see me, what, what? My big fucking ass, like everyone else around me, was like 16 and 5 foot, like 3. I'm towering over these children.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you couldn't miss me you moved on from that, too, too fast.
Speaker 1:That's like huge I know, but like, what's the point in?
Speaker 2:just like harboring in, like joe jonas recognizing my you should open your laptop and write a fan fiction about it be normal and just write a fan fiction about your experience.
Speaker 1:I don't know, can you?
Speaker 4:make it yn so us normies can pretend it's about us what's yn? Your name like your name here, so instead of you guys know too much about like you.
Speaker 1:It's like yn, it was so nice to see you you guys are like extremists when it comes to like fan interactions and fiction. Anyways, yeah, I saw the jonas brothers. I feel I feel bad when I like go to see an artist in concert and I'm like, oh, I only know two of your songs, so like I actually don't give a shit about any of your other songs. Can you just play the ones I know, which is again like two. And it doesn't help that I'm 6'11" and so it's like when I like don't know a song, then I'm just standing towering over everyone looking like a fucking dumbass. Have we like I don't know what to do with my body ever? And I've been like really hyper-aware in public, like how, like, how do I stand? I can't stand my walk and I've been so obsessed with my walk recently. My and I've been so obsessed with my walk recently. My arms I just have like the strangest fucking build ever. I don't know the like proper walk. I actually want to get a walking coach, a movement coach, on the podcast to fix my walk. I think I throw my ass around too much when I walk dead ass. But I can't help it. I have a fucking massive ass. My ass is huge. So a lot of movement in the waist, not a lot of the arms. So I've been working workshopping this. I'm going to get down like a perfect runway walk here shortly. I don't know what's wrong with it, but I need to fix it and we're going to do that here shortly. Maybe I'll be a vlog. Maybe I'll be a vlog.
Speaker 1:Did you guys like the vlog? Did you guys watch the vlog? I'm sure you didn't. I'm sure the fuck you didn't. Um, thank you for everyone sounding off in the comments with your age and your f's or m's. That was really very powerful. If you guys could do that again, I just, I just like to see, I just like to see the ages that we're hitting.
Speaker 1:Um, anyways, we're doing like college episode. Um, yeah, I'm wearing my iowa merch um, which I'm very low-key about going to Iowa and having a degree, and he actually did speak about speaking on that a little bit more. No one fucking knows I have a degree. I went to business school, bitch, yeah, I feel like I've been out of college for long enough, where it's like I've had time to process every single interaction and moment in college, but at the same time, like that is a completely different man.
Speaker 1:And we obviously did like the religious episode, and that was like a big part of my college experience. There's also part of it where it was just chill as fuck. There's also a big part of my college experience where I was just drinking and hanging out with friends and being like really fucking cool. I also had a random roommate, which I think the random roommate search is so fucking bizarre, and it's also there's like a template that no one gave you but everyone just followed when it came to like the application, where it's like yeah, I like to have fun, but I also like to work hard.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like going out, but I also am okay with a netflix night in I'm clean, but I'm not a stickler, and so that's how I found my random roommate, and it was just like us going back and forth. It's like, yeah, I like to drink, but I also care about school. It also is like having a random roommate as like an 18 year old, like only knowing your friends your entire life and also your family, and then it's like give me a random bitch to live with, where I also like have like pretty much no social skills or tools to live on my own, and then, like now, I just live with a guy who's from chicago who owns a taser what was your dorm room?
Speaker 4:set up like like fucking gross.
Speaker 1:I also would. This is real. Actually. I don't know if I need to say that I would pee in my sink sometimes. My roommate and I both did, and it was like it's fine, but it's also fucking gross.
Speaker 4:My fat ass can get up and walk to the bathrooms instead of taking a leak, what if they were cleaning the bathroom? Then you'd have to go to the ground floor. Well, which floor did you live on?
Speaker 1:I'm glad you guys are pro me peeing in the sink. You'd have to go to the ground floor. Well which floor did you live on? I'm glad you guys are like pro me peeing in the sink. Like I felt like so fucking embarrassed to say that. But yeah, like it did make sense and it was very convenient. But it would be so funny like waking up at 2 in the morning to hear my roommate stream down our sink.
Speaker 2:Wait, like while you were in there together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, that's fair. Okay, you lost me. It's like a urinal, oh my god. Also. One time my roommate was fucking insane, loved him to pieces. He like went through a phase where he bought a fuck ton of little fish I don't know what for. He kept them in our refrigerator for a while, which I think killed them and then he dumped them down our sink and so like we had like little minnows like stuck in like the rim of our sink just peed all over him I'm kidding but we I had to like take like the end of a toothbrush and like get the minnows out of our sink.
Speaker 1:He also I said he bought a taser and he like what? I was like can I tase you? I'm like no, and then he would wait, he would tase, it would just be like quickly, but it would be like quickly, but it would be like what the fuck? Yeah, I'm like, I'm pro taser. Get a taser if necessary. This man was like 6'7" 6?. I'm going to kill myself.
Speaker 2:Okay, so he was 6'7".
Speaker 1:He was 6'6" 250 pounds. Like you do not need a taser. It wasn't for like protection purposes, it was just like to fuck around with and tase me, which I also like I put up with a lot. The fact me, as an 18 year old, was taking care of like other random 18 year olds who have, who are like the drunkest I've ever seen, at like 3 am in like my dorm room. I'm like why am I nursing this girl I've met twice back to health just because she's like on my floor? I'm also 18 and also the drunkest I've ever been what do you?
Speaker 1:mean, I started out freshman year and I didn't have a fake id and like I randomly was the person who's like you know what, I'll lead the fake ID train did you get it from ID me?
Speaker 1:ID God, I think yeah, id God and I also, like I didn't do it correctly, I like did a bull car, like who wants, who wants in, who wants it? This is so fucking me to this day like some shit that I would do, collected all the money everyone like came to my dorm room and I took pictures on my like nikon and then, like I didn't do it correctly and so like you have to go like transfer funds anyways, I didn't like transfer the money correctly, so then I lost all the money and then I also didn't get any of the IDs. And so then I was like 680 dollars in debt to like all my closest friends and then I didn't know how to tell them that I did it wrong and so just like, yeah, I think there should be. Yeah, looks like yeah, oh, it's so annoying how it just keeps getting delayed. So never got a fake ID. Lost about $680 of other people's money. Obviously, I have like $13 to my bank account, so it's like paying these people back isn't even a possibility. So, yeah, I fucked over my entire floor and then I also never got a fake ID.
Speaker 1:I can't do vodka to this day because of college, because they would have like a handle of vodka called hawkeye vodka. They would genuinely be like six dollars and 99 cents and it'd be like a fucking jug and it tasted like the closest thing to nail polish that I've ever experienced in my life and that's like all we drank. And I'm also like how the fuck could I like house that? And now, if I have like a sip I smell it Like I will I'll project a vomit. Same with Everclear. That was fucking insane.
Speaker 4:Did you ever drink jungle juice?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I did, and they would use Everclear for that. I might as well talk about being in a frat for four days. I rushed a frat when I was a freshman in college and I was a legacy. I'm also normal, so I'm like there's genuinely no way I don't get into this frat because, one, I'm a legacy, two, I'm sick as fuck. That's it like okay, easy. So I go hit it off with everyone again because I'm cool as hell, didn't get a bid, didn't get a bid.
Speaker 1:And obviously, like when you're 18 and this like group of guys tells you no, like that was like the most like skull crushing thing ever. I was like sobbing in my like intro to disability studies class. The reason why I didn't get in is because I said this briefly in the other episode these two fucking rats, two little rats, they're twin, twin rats. They said I disrespected women. What the fuck does that even mean? And the reason why is because, yeah, I was funny as hell on twitter in high school who cares? And sometimes I would make fun of the mean girls. You're allowed to do that. Anyways, I didn't get into that frat and it like broke me, which all of the men in that frat are like the most entitled pricks I've ever like met in my entire life, but I wanted to be one of them.
Speaker 1:Phi Kappa Psi at University of Iowa Eat them up, blow their shit up because they don't know they don't stand for people who disrespect women, and I'm blow their shit up because they don't know they don't stand for people who disrespect women, and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it, um, but yeah, so I didn't get in. That frat fucking ruined my life for two days. And then second semester let's run it back anyways. So then second semester, fuck it, I'll rush, nothing better to do. I rushed this like really, I think it was like the stoner frat, which which one.
Speaker 2:D-Kai oh, they got kicked off campus hey, hey, those are my boys. They're trouble, they are trouble. Um, isn't that what Ashton Kutcher was? Yeah?
Speaker 1:so I joined the frat, uh, for four days and then they were like, hey, we have a meeting on Thursday and I'm like you can't tell me what to do. I found out like later that day they made them go to PetSmart and get like three goldfish and two um cans of soup and they had to drink the soup with the goldfish and had to get three goldfish down and two cans of soup down. And then they locked them in a room and they gave them like every handle of alcohol you could imagine. There's only like eight guys, about like seven handles of alcohol and they wouldn't be able to be let out until they finished it all. But I was like I'm not fucking showing up to a meeting, a mandatory team meeting, to like welcome me into the fraternity. I'm like, yeah, I will do like seven betta fish. But like, yeah, I will do like seven betta fish, but like I'm not fucking showing up to a meeting at 11 am on a Thursday.
Speaker 4:You're fucking insane. I genuinely think the scariest thing was orientation. You show up, you get your sticker with your pronouns, you get your lanyard, you go and sit. I was the year before pronouns.
Speaker 2:You were the year before. Pronouns no.
Speaker 1:Pronouns didn't exist when I went to college. I went to college back in 98, so I also think orientation is like I like that type of structured event, like I hate that shit so much where, like the sole purpose is like we want you to meet, meet friends. No, I'm gonna have a horrible attitude. I'm gonna try to talk to as few people as possible. Why am I, a grown-ass adult, like going around in a circle doing like Brett the Baboon, sierra the Snake, do you have a least favorite icebreaker?
Speaker 1:All of them, Every single icebreaker, I think, is like I hate like forced interactions and forced community. Meanwhile me like doing every religious organization on campus which is like the most forced it, and then you would go back to you like have to stay in the dorms for orientation, so it's like, oh, now I have like a random roommate that I'm gonna spend like the next 24 hours with we.
Speaker 1:I did not do that, it was horrible and then they were like if you guys want, to do the rec center, we're having a pizza party. It's hard, being a grown adult and be like I'm going off to college and starting my own life, when it's like, oh, we're playing, shut up and dance with me on repeat and having a pizza party, and also we're going to give you Hawaiian leis to wear or something.
Speaker 2:Wait, Brett, did you take any really random?
Speaker 1:gen ed classes in college. I feel like all the gen eds I took I was like I actually like might have interest in them, and then I'm like I took it, I was like what the why am I taking ancient medicine? It was so fucking horrible and like the entire thing was just like about like lobotomies and how, just like back in the day, like we didn't know what the fuck we were doing, and so it's like we ended up permanently fucking people up on accident. It would just be like anxiety these days and it's just like, ok, let's drill a hole in your head. And then it's like, oh well, now they can't speak, but like they are seemingly less anxious. That one was horrible. I hated it pretty much. Ever I don't think I enjoyed a single class in college.
Speaker 2:He keeps saying he wants to go back to school.
Speaker 1:No, I just have this weird thing now where I'm like I need to learn. Now that I started a podcast and I'm hearing back the way I talk, I'm like I really sound unintelligent, and so that's why I've been reading you guys. I finished the Fucking Silent Patient Easiest three years of my life and now I have this goal that I want to read four books by the end of the year, which might happen. I'm 65 pages into my new book that I started two days ago.
Speaker 4:And what is that book?
Speaker 1:Giovanni's Room. It's queer. And then I have Evelyn Hugo's 17 Dresses.
Speaker 2:What is it? Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which I posted that. That's like one of the books I got and I was like, read it first, read that one first. Give me a second. I have to read my 180 pager first to get that out of the way. Clean my slate and then I will dive into evelyn hugo and her seven husbands. How does she have seven husbands?
Speaker 1:Tailgating tailgating was so bizarre but also so fun. But then also if you were in a frat, like me, because you disrespect women, it was less fun. So tailgate is like before football games people would like rent out so like frat houses that they would rent out houses just to tailgate in the backyard which like by the end of it, like all of the grass was completely fucking torn up. It was like a mud pit. There was beer everywhere. There was always like a little empty kiddie pool with like 4 000 bush lights and a few handles, but they would like only let in girls. And then if you were a guy, again you had to pay 35 at the door to go and like stand in a backyard bumper to fucking bumper and maybe get a beer, which I'm like I can't pay 35. I owe seven grand to everyone who I scammed out of the fake id. But yeah, it was a very like bizarre thing and it was so fun.
Speaker 1:Parent tailgates, parent tailgates with food Were so fun Again, especially me being a fucking GDI goddamn independent, which is what they called us, us real bitches who me like trying to get into two frats. I'm like no, like I, yeah, if you really want to fucking join a frat, but If you really want to fucking join the frat. But they called us GDI's goddamn independence and that's just what we were. But yeah, no-transcript for zero dollars and zero cents. And then also, like if you got hot, you could like sit in someone's rav4 with the ac on and it was like truly like the perfect experience.
Speaker 1:Shit was just like simpler back then, like I miss, like mixing every alcohol and then like slapping a bag of wine at a tailgate yeah it also was horrible when you like go to the game and then it's like one of your friends would be too drunk, where I'm like okay, well, like, well, like now we're in the student section, like you can't just be toppling over, all right, next we are dialing in an RA. I think an RA is one of the most interesting types of people to me because I think, like I personally would hate, that just due to like social anxiety and like someone a year younger than me scares the fuck out of me. Y'all Kidding, I could literally destroy both of you guys. My roommate randomly got drunk and pulled down an exit sign one time and there was an open investigation. I just remember that.
Speaker 2:Men always have construction signs in their rooms.
Speaker 1:No, men deadass will literally just get drunk and like destroy school property Like ruin property, yeah, and traffic cones. Like where were they getting those? No, obviously. Like three traffic cones, a like caution, road work ahead sign. Like why was that?
Speaker 1:like decoration Also, just like remember, when we would literally just cut out like the box of like bush light and then a full wall would be like dedicated, like wallpapered bush light things. Like men just did shit and we were just like that's funny, put the fucking cones away, like put that back, like that was I feel like funny for like three months. And then it's like why do? Why do we have all of the cones in our college town, in my house? We didn't know better. It's like why do? Why do we have all of the cones in our college town, in my house? We didn't know better.
Speaker 1:It's cute because we like we're really like broke and like we had to do what we could do in that moment and that's all we knew and all we could afford. So it's cute. It's cute actually, um, but I do think the whole ra thing is just very bizarre. I personally don't think I could ever do it, but I also get the understanding of it's like oh, here's a free place to stay and all you have to do is kind of loosely watch over kids. But I also think like, just like, as an RA, I just like immediately think you're a narc, like obviously there are cool RAs who just like give kids second chances, but then I do know some RAs that just like fucked over kids lives I remember I was terrified of like mind you like people are literally like blacking out in the hallways and I'm like if my ra sees my candle I'm literally going to be expelled
Speaker 1:candle. Girls were terrified of the RAs. No, people are like literally doing lines off of their lofted beds and you're like, holy shit, if I get busted for my Bath and Body Works candle, I'm toast. But like you never knew how serious shit was where it's like, oh damn, like you guys threatened to like kick me off of campus if I light a candle. Like I hope you're capping. But like what am guys threatened to like kick me off of campus if I light a candle, like I hope you're capping. But like am I going to like move home now because I bought a fucking candle? College was fun, man, so anyways, let's fucking dial in an RA and get to the bottom of everything. What really happens. Hello, how are you Good? How are you? I'm great, great. Thank you so much for taking this call with me yes, of course so, um, let's cut this shit, let's get right into it.
Speaker 1:You were an ra, correct. I was correct. Why did you decide to do that?
Speaker 3:if you don't mind me asking, Great question, so it wasn't really like a decision. College is one of the most expensive things in the whole wide world. The place where I went, they covered room and board if you were an RA. And so I was like, let me make the rest of my life a little bit easier for myself. And so I applied and then got sophomore year through senior year, covered room and board.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's great. What was the training process like?
Speaker 3:We would move in like a week before everyone else, like a week, two weeks, and we'd like get like all the fun, like door decorations, ready, and then we'd go through like crisis training.
Speaker 1:What did you have to do for crisis training? Do you have to, like randomly know how to do cpr? Like I feel like everything is just like yeah, like you also have to know how to do cpr. Like I can't be like responsible for everyone's life no, literally.
Speaker 3:Um I we might have done cpr training like one year. It was always very different year to year did you have to manage any crisis. Sees I personally didn't. I was very lucky that like I didn't have any calls like when I was on duty.
Speaker 1:But, um, like a lot of my friends like were very on, like I'm not gonna say unfortunate because like those were other people too, but they would be like at the calls at like 2, am that someone's going through something and I'm like I'm stuck as a bug yeah, wait, when you say going through something, do you mean like I just like need a friend right now, or do you mean like, oh shit, like you got too drunk and you're throwing up, or both?
Speaker 3:it's both I, I and I was also a chill ra. I was I. I never wanted to get anybody in trouble either, right. So I was always like, if you have something you're not supposed to have, like just hide it.
Speaker 1:Where is the best place to hide it? Just like if I were to have alcohol In my dorm room at age 18. Like where should I put it?
Speaker 3:We couldn't open anything. Oh, really so if your closet had like a door.
Speaker 1:What's the point of even like looking around, just like hide it under literally anything?
Speaker 3:That's what I'm saying. So like whenever I had to do like my inspections, I'd literally have them like open the door and I'd make sure they weren't like living in squalor and I'd be like okay you're good.
Speaker 1:Can you tell me what that means, because my my friend said that earlier and I just pretended and know what they were talking about.
Speaker 3:What is in squalor? Imagine you're like you're in college. You know how to take care of yourself yeah there's some people who still don't. So, for example, my junior year. There's this one girl who I was. She was, she was also in our like. She was an ra, but she didn't get the job yet. She was like an in case ra, so like if she, uh, like if somebody else like quit she'd get pulled up study yes, they have bitches on retainer for that.
Speaker 3:I love that oh, people quit all the time. The like that one girl who was like the understudy. I was like her RA when she wasn't an RA and she, every time I'd walk by her room I'd like gag because it smelled so bad. And then I didn't do her inspection, someone else did. But she had like clothes like all over the floor and like open containers of like food everywhere and like takeout that was like half full everywhere.
Speaker 1:What do you do in that situation? Like, just like. Oh, it smells like shit in here. Can you clean up? My God, we're worried about your health.
Speaker 3:Like we called, we had like people who were above us, so like we call our area director.
Speaker 1:Because at that point I'm like it smells that bad we had to get the area director involved.
Speaker 3:That's insane, you have the whole committee on this case, my God, exactly.
Speaker 1:It was so gross. Wait. So what ended up happening? You?
Speaker 3:shook her to small claim score and then Like if I remember correctly, like I think you get fined if your room is that bad.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, if I got a fine for for like my room smelling like shit so bad, like that's crazy. That's a wake-up call. Did she fix her? Did she fix her issue or no?
Speaker 3:I got like it was fine for like a while and then like a few months passed and it got kind of bad again.
Speaker 1:There's no way, girl. We had to get the committee involved last time, like right, I get like shivers thinking about it.
Speaker 3:It was so bad that's horror.
Speaker 1:If anyone got shivers thinking about the state and condition of my room, like if I got fined for having like such a rank ass room.
Speaker 3:Like that's crazy clean girl aesthetics right, and that was like the only one that was ever like so, so bad. Like she had like an open jar of like olives. No, like on like her dresser.
Speaker 1:I was like someone shouldn't even have olives in their possession in the first place, yet alone like an open can, just sitting out. That's horrible. Did you do like co-ed floors or did you just have the girlies?
Speaker 3:I did have co-ed floors. It was kind of awkward, you, it was usually like one ra is assigned to like one, like story like one floor my sophomore year because there were so many staffing changes and so many people quit, we kind of ran out of people and so I um ended up doing like two floors of people that was co-ed and it's like awkward because I didn't know how to like talk to like any of them at that point, because it was like halfway through the year I was in charge of like the second floor and I didn't know any of them.
Speaker 3:I'm like hey, we had to do like mandatory 30 minute or so conversations with them, like what do you talk to Twice? A?
Speaker 1:semester. What is the point of that?
Speaker 3:that just seems like to make sure that, like they were doing okay, and then we had to like write them down and log it no, turn it in.
Speaker 1:Why are you doing like therapy for free for like 18 year old men? Did you ever get involved in any like roommate drama or friend drama?
Speaker 3:I only had to do like a roommate change once, luckily, and it was like it was awkward because it was like right at the beginning of the year and these two roommates were like we filled out the random roommate form and they put us together, but we all had we had like opposite answers for everything, so we don't know why they put us together and I was like, oh okay, I didn't really know what to do about it, like I didn't did like the mediation that I could, but like there's nothing really to happen, but there's been some like I don't want to say like explosive ones, but there's like some of my friends have had to deal with ones where like someone's moving out or like someone has had like people over all the time and they're just like sick of it, like just like really like weird drama stuff and it's like you can figure this out on your own.
Speaker 1:Did you ever walk in on someone doing anything? Also, did you have a master key for all of the rooms or no?
Speaker 3:I never walked in on anybody doing anything. That would be horrific. Yeah, that would be horrible. There were like two different sides of campus there was east and there was west and then, depending on what side of campus you were on, you had three different keys for the desks of those like buildings, and there were like three different buildings for each side, and so the keys for those desks would then get you the master key so it was like a big and there was only one master key.
Speaker 3:There was one time I got like it was like midnight and I was on duty and I got like four calls at like 2 am 233 and I would have to like wake up, go all the way down I was. I lived on the third floor no elevators I'd have to like wake up, go all the way down to the basement, grab a key, go up, unlock somebody's door, go put the master key back, get my keys back, go back up to my room fall back asleep.
Speaker 1:I'm sure they were, just like always so intoxicated too and you're like sober and just like was mid five hours sleep and you have to like get up and perform this activity for them literally, I'm like why am I walking down 50 flights of stairs for you Right now at 3am? No, that's horrible. Wait, did you have your own bathroom?
Speaker 3:And this is the worst part no, I did not Well, my senior year I did because I was in like my own apartment, but sophomore and junior year, the first two years I was I didn't, which sucked so bad, but like I had my own room, I didn't have to have a roommate yeah um, but like my junior year specifically, there were only like the building was shaped like a big square with like a courtyard in the middle, so it was like hollow, but like you would have to walk like all the way around the square to get to the bathroom, and I remember I was like I had to with your shower shoes and your caddy.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, it was. It's like a humiliation ritual. I'm just peeking down the hallway in my crocs, yeah, like literally squawking with every step. What was your role during fire drills?
Speaker 3:um, like going outside and making sure everybody was like away from the building, enough, and then we had to call like our public safety, who would then call like the fire department? There were some people who took it like a lot more seriously than me, which is I this is bad for me to say, but like they'd go and like knock on everybody's door on the way down, because they'd always happen at like midnight, and I'm like okay, like I, I would just like go downstairs. I'm like I don't, I don't have it in me.
Speaker 3:I don't even have it to make sure everybody's far enough away from the building. I'm like you're. You're 18, figure it out.
Speaker 1:I actually like, honestly, god would not go down for fire drills if they happen throughout the night. I was like I, I know it's a drill, like I know it's not real, like we're fine, you know. Actually I think that's why my RA kind of hated me, but also I'm like it. It really I lived in a building where I would always go off to and I'm like this isn't real. And if it's real, I live like close enough to the fire escape and then I will like make my exit, but like I'm not doing this for no reason at 3 am, um, all in all, would you recommend being an RA and or would you do it again?
Speaker 3:I'd say okay. I'd say yes because, like I'm so thankful for, like all of the people I've met, like I've made, like some of my my best friends like who are also RAs, like we had such a good time together, like made so many memories, um, I have like so much less in student loans than I would have at the same time.
Speaker 3:Like no, because well, and like it was my, my specific situation, I think, not having to pay for room and board? No, for you're going to think you're doing so much work for no money and it's going to, and you're going to get no sleep.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like oh my God, this is going to sound like a little weird, but like someone's always watching which like meaning what baby we had to do like room inspections when, like, like we'd have to stay like a day after like winter break and then we'd have to like go into everybody's room make sure they didn't have anything illegal. Like you got to make sure like you're cleaned up, you're put away or like we were always like down.
Speaker 3:We had to be down at the desk until like midnight, like like just in case anybody needed us, and some people were just doing weird stuff, like in the lobby, like if you don't think anybody's watching you. Like I guarantee you, if you can see somebody, they can see.
Speaker 1:They can see you wow, okay, well, I live alone, so that's scary. But yay, delete your history like carry yourself with respect, I guess it's like the.
Speaker 1:Thing I want to say because, like you never know when someone's going to come into your room, and if your room stinks, then we're getting the fucking committee involved and it's going to be a corporate issue, right? If you have an open jar of olives, we're calling somebody, we're calling the authorities. Bitch Well, thank you so much. This was truly such a pleasure talking to you. I love you and I'll talk to you soon. Okay, so now the call is done. Wow.
Speaker 2:I want you to touch more. I wonder if this is a shared experience. In my dorm, when there were fire drills, people would come out in a face mask, a towel, that was performative, that was performative, that was performative.
Speaker 1:That was pick me before it was pick me.
Speaker 2:Based on what she said, do you think that you would be an RA if you could go back?
Speaker 1:No and do it all again. I wouldn't even do it the first time. I mean, it is nice to like not have to pay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that is the dorm, like 13 000 it's so insane.
Speaker 1:I'm like I'm paying. My parents, bless the lord are paying um like 13 000 for me to sleep on a twin size. Is this so expensive?
Speaker 2:in Iowa in. Iowa it's surprising that she didn't have more situations with like bad roommates, because I feel like I was always hearing of people having roommate do you feel like people have had worse roommate experience in college or out of college?
Speaker 4:in college for sure, because I feel like nobody knows how. I mean that's everyone's like first taste of freedom.
Speaker 1:So I feel like some people go absolutely like crazy uh, that is like the worst type of person is like the person who goes to college and is like fucking insane, because it's like like a liability, yeah it's like, baby, like I'm not saying you need to like have a sip of alcohol before you got here, but like, at least like act like you have. Because why are those the people who are like, let's get fucked up every single night of the week because we can?
Speaker 2:it's like well also in iowa you could do that for four dollars yeah that was so insane.
Speaker 1:Also, just like the concept of money in college where I'm like, how did I survive with genuinely like five dollars in my bank account for like two weeks? Oh, also, like I can't get over this. The stink, that's horrible, I like. I think that's like so humiliating and the fact that she didn't learn her lesson again. We had to get authorities involved because your stink was that bad. You can be messy, you can't be dirty. Write that shit down, dear media. Clip that.
Speaker 2:Here's what he's looking for in a relationship.
Speaker 1:Someone who is messy but not dirty? Preferably not either, actually.
Speaker 4:And 6'5" jacked and makes six figures.
Speaker 1:Anyways, yeah, that was an RA. All right Y'all. Am I in the wrong College edition? I, 19f, am in my first year of college and live in a small dorm room on campus. My sister she's going to be 26F had a baby a few why?
Speaker 1:A few months ago and she's been struggling financially. She and the baby's father broke up and she had to move back in with our parents. She's living there because our parents are too controlling and judgmental. She asked if I could request permission for her to stay in my dorm while her baby for a while, with her baby for a while, because it'd be quieter and give her space to figure things out. I told her no, my dorm room is tiny, barely big enough for me, and I have a roommate. Yeah, what Get your kid at like? Plus a baby crying all night in a shared dorm. That's not fair to my roommate or me. She got upset and said I was being selfish, that family should help each other and that she'd do it for me if roles were reversed. Now my parents are also pressuring me to just let her stay for a while because she's struggling. My roommate thinks the whole situation is crazy and that I shouldn't feel bad, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm a bad sister.
Speaker 1:Am I in the wrong? No, are you fucking kidding me? What do you mean? Your sister with a newborn is going to move into a dorm with you With a random roommate, also being like you're? You're selfish, dude. You're actually fucking selfish. You don't let me move into your college dorm room with your random roommate with my newborn baby, like you. Don't give a bitch. This is family. What happened to family? No, we're checking family at the door, at the dorm room door.
Speaker 1:If my sister pulled this shit without a kid in college? No, oh, you don't have any place to go. I don't care. I'm 18 years old and living in a fucking dorm room on a twin XL. Where are you going to sleep? Where's your baby going to sleep? What do you mean? This is like the least ideal living. I'm peeing in the fucking sink. There's fish in my sink. I can't have a newborn baby laying around here. We have ever, ever clear bottles all across. No, we couldn't even have fucking candles in our dorm room.
Speaker 1:You think they're going to let your sister with a newborn move in? No, like, honestly, like I think you should just be like. Yeah, I asked, they said fuck, no, also like the random roommate. Like my roommate tased me and I'm like I was like that's insane, you can taste me every single fucking night. I'm not letting your sister and a newborn move in with me. What I don't know you, we only match because we had similar interests, which is sometimes we like to go out, sometimes we like to stay in. Now your fuck-ass sister and baby are moving in here.
Speaker 1:No, also, the parents don't know you should let your sister move in with. No, I can't even imagine like being the random roommates, like hey, hi, do you care if we talk about something really quick? Um, so, my sister had a kid. Um, she might move in with us. Yeah, he's six, the baby's six months old. You don't mind you? What the fuck my roommate would be? Like my girlfriend's coming into town for the weekend. I'm like, no, she's not kidding, I would let her. But like a baby, get out of here, all right, dialing in the girl in the dorm hey girl, just heard about your situation.
Speaker 1:What the fuck, genuinely, what the hell like you are? You are not in the wrong in the slightest. Your sister is shouldn't have got pregnant. Kidding, we're past that, my god, and also your parents saying that shit, that would piss me off, that would piss me. Oh, just like, just let her. You, let her I.
Speaker 1:My bed is lofted in the fucking air. No, I haven't washed my clothes in three weeks. I pee in this. No, what do you know? You are completely in the right hand the phone to your roommate. Dude, dude. What the fuck Do you even know this girl? You just met her two weeks ago. What is it? And now she's like things like that's OK. No, that is insane. Do you think she's going to go through? I'm going to call the sister. I'm going to call a sister. I'm going to call the sister Calling on the sister. Hey, girl, I can hear the baby crying in the back, loud, loud. Are you still at? Your parents Hating it? What? Get used to it, baby, because you're not moving into the dorms. So also like what the fuck would you do during the day? You're. So also like what the fuck would you do during the? What would you do during the day, you're just gonna stay out, stay in the dorm room and raise your child.
Speaker 1:No, no you have to stay home, baby, I don't care, I don't really care, and your parents are insane too. Okay, wow, I hate fucking getting involved, but I'll do it. Am I in the wrong? That was a good one. Yeah, like someone's clearly in the fucking wrong, not even close. I'll end with this. I have the perfect nipples for a woman, and I realized this last night. I haven't been obsessed with my nipples recently, and someone at one time made a comment about me having smaller nipples, and last night it just fully. I was like there they are, they are there they are, and they are small like for a woman as in for a woman's body.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I would, if I had women, if I had female breasts, my nipples would like be insane, like in a positive way, in a very good way, like my nipples were made for a woman. And so I'm like, I'm happy that I'm like I have the ideal woman's nipple, but it does not translate on my body if that makes sense. It looks very, very small and uh, disproportionate to my body and I look like I have like little, little baby nipples. But I was like, and I look like I have like little baby nipples, but I was like last night I was like you know what I'm not going to beat myself up Because like on another person who's a different gender than me, these would fucking hit, like these would be perfect, but on me, similar to my feminine thumbs, it just they don't work. Anyways, why are y'all acting like it? Was that like gross or weird? We can cut that, sorry. I just like taken aback, like I'll show you my. I'll show you and you'll understand. They're tiny, they're like, but then I'm also like oh, anyways, do an edit where I have like better size nipples, just so I can see what it would look like moving forward. Thank you, anyways.
Speaker 1:That is episode 11 of Dialing In With Brett. I hope you guys had fun. We got some big shit happening in October. October is going to go crazy Kidding October is going to go insane. We have some fun things. We have some more, maybe vlog opportunities for you guys, which you don't care for. But yeah, blow my shit up.
Speaker 2:Brett only wants to be really Halloween-y at the end of October, but can we have someone chime in and say that they want Halloween core all of October? Thank you.
Speaker 1:I can do a big last two weeks.
Speaker 4:Happy Brett-tober.
Speaker 1:Happy Brett-tober to all who celebrate. Brett-tober should start the first. We're doing Brett-mas. No, Brett-tober will start October 21st.
Speaker 4:What.
Speaker 1:October 17th.
Speaker 4:You're no fun.
Speaker 1:Six, seven, all right, Love you, you're no fun. 6'7". Alright, love you, fuckers Ay.