Dialing In with Brett

13. why did every kid in a landlocked state want to be a marine biologist??

• Brett Hamilton Productions • Season 1 • Episode 13

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This week on Dialing In with Brett, Brett yearns to be in a competition, dwells on the trauma of being a teenage lifeguard, and dials in a marine biologist. 


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SPEAKER_05:

Hi, this is Brad. I was dialing you in because I had a question. I there's no way. Hello? What a dick. Alright, y'all. Hey. Hey, motherfucking hey, what's up? We are back with Dileen and with Brett. It is episode 13 in the books. Wow, just wow, with the Facebook page. Is fun. There's no getting around it. That Facebook page is fun. I love you guys putting in your M's and F's. I don't give an MF, uh, but I love it. Um, yeah, excited to see where that kind of goes. Send in some random shit, send in some inside jokes, let me know what you guys are doing, etc. etc. etc. etc. Today we have a fun episode. We did just do our call. It was great. We dialed in in a marine biologist. We got to the bottom of everything you could ever imagine that's ocean related. Um anyway, we'll we'll we'll dive. Hey, hey, we'll dive into that later. Anyway, let's get started with the episode.

SPEAKER_03:

You're uh coming back to us fresh off of a trip to San Francisco.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes, hot off the press. Take me as I am. I'm back from SF. I actually it does kind of suck. Like, I I love LA. It's also I you guys just moved here. I wish we had more parks. I will be so fucking honest with you. I need to be like outdoors a little bit more. I also decided I need to do something competitive. My friend played his fuck ass Australian football games this weekend. Yeah, I had to sit in his stand for six hours. What the fuck are you talking about? I've never had to sit that long in my entire life. Um, obviously I didn't sit still, I was like pacing around. SF is low-key like slept on, and it's me who was sleeping on it before. I think it's so you hated it two weeks ago. It just was pretty weather, and like I was just with my best friend. So I guess that could have just been anywhere. But SF is fucking back, y'all. I will never ever move there because I don't want to, and there's really nothing not that much to do in SF. But for a weekend, my god, uh book a weekend trip for SF and you might you might find yourself.

SPEAKER_02:

What competitive thing do you want to do?

SPEAKER_05:

I don't know. But I just like I feel like yeah, do I work out? I don't mind your fucking business without looking at my body, first and foremost. Oh, now I'm just a piece of meat to you. Yeah, god forbid anyone gets to know my fucking personality. Yeah, I like to work out. Yeah, I like to be competitive, and I need to combine the two. But I need to I need to be better at something than someone, and I need there to be like direct results to show that I'm better at something than someone. So I think maybe I'll get back into tennis just to whip someone into shape, including myself. But I also kind of want to do a team sport. Like, what if I do something?

SPEAKER_03:

You should do doubles in tennis.

SPEAKER_05:

No, I don't like playing with other people. I was telling the girls this. I went through a phase where I really wanted to learn fencing, and not because like I had like a love for fencing, which like I'm like, I'm sure no one actually has a love for fencing. Like, that doesn't seem like a passion that anyone has.

SPEAKER_03:

The Benson family.

SPEAKER_05:

The Benson family is that some fuck ass iCarly wreck? Yeah, get out. Both of you out. Give me the mic. Um, so yeah, fencing. I don't actually give a fuck about fencing, but it was like, oh, I think this would be the my best shot of getting into the Olympics because I feel like it's kind of like a loophole where it's like, yeah, everyone's thinking, like, oh, I'm gonna train to do this for the Olympics. Oh, I'm gonna train to run, swim, do gymnastics. No one's dead ass, like I could fence professionally. But I also can't tell like if my big ass fucking frame would hurt me or help me. Because I could kind of reach far, but then it's like, damn, my arm is like out and it's like long as fuck. Now I'm vulnerable. Thanks. I do want to just take a fencing class.

SPEAKER_03:

I think you would be good at the person like running behind the bobsled who then jumps in. Do you know what I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_05:

Call me unathletic without calling me unathletic.

SPEAKER_03:

Wait, you have to like be as fast, be fast like a rhino.

SPEAKER_05:

We can't stop doing this template that's like we always say I call Rita Gigi, and so we're like beg like Gigi, laugh like Holly, exercise like Brett, and organize like Bailey.

SPEAKER_03:

That just pissed me off. Come on, organize laughing, exercising, organize. I also think you would be really good at um trampoline.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, you guys have fucking seen me jump on a trampoline. Also, that was an insane experience. I went to my friend Chris really wanted me to do this like trampoline thing, which was like on the pier at like the wharf in San Francisco.

SPEAKER_03:

Did he do it too? Or just wait, what?

SPEAKER_05:

He was like, I really want you to do this and I'll record. And I was like, there was like two little kids in front of us. Like, we watched like two six-year-olds go, and then my big fucking 200-pound ass was like, hi. And then it's like so embarrassing when like someone younger than you is like strapping you in for a ride. I don't know why. It just like this feels like bizarre, and the man had like the most insane hickey I've ever seen in my entire life. Like, you can't just show up to also what's with hickeys? Like, that's something that I'm like, I never like got the hickey hype. It's like, oh, like, hey, can I just like kind of suck and bite on your neck? Um, and it comes at the cost of you having like a bruise for about a a week that everyone will know was from me sexually sucking your neck. It's like, oh, or we could just like make out.

SPEAKER_03:

Right on the jugular.

SPEAKER_05:

Right on the fucking jugular.

SPEAKER_03:

I feel like in like high school, people were always like running around, like, does anyone have concealer?

SPEAKER_05:

Police sucked to completion last night. Okay, you are fucking ran through. And now you're just like trashy, put on a fucking turtleneck and get over it. Like, I don't give a fuck. Like, okay, yeah, you got cracked last night. I think we all fucked.

SPEAKER_02:

So um so we're going to a singles party this weekend.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh yeah. Well, it's funny because like everyone in my friend group is single for the most part, and like it's kind of reaching a point where it's like not funny anymore, which I'm like, I still think it's a little funny that I'm single. That will probably last like two more weeks. Um, I just got cracked recently, so I I recently just got cracked so I can like have like two to three more weeks in my system, but then I will need to um settle down here shortly. Anyways, we're going to a singles, not singles party. It's just trying to like set up our single friends with any straight men we know. Um, so we'll see what happens. I'm sure sex will be had. Kidding. I'm sure like no one will talk to anyone besides ourselves.

SPEAKER_02:

Have you ever been to a party though where you have to get a cup that the color corresponds to your relationship status?

SPEAKER_05:

That shit feels so like horny in like a Christian way, if that makes sense. Like it feels like we're kids, but also we're horny kids, where it's like, I think I could just like tell someone my relationship status just as is. Like, I don't need to get a green cup to know that people know that I'm like, I I will fuck.

SPEAKER_02:

There are always somehow like nine options.

SPEAKER_05:

No, I know. It's like it's complicated. I'm seeing someone, but they're gone for the weekend, but they will be back soon, so I would have to tell them technically, but I think we're kind of on a break. That's a yellow cup. Have I already talked about how I got another accusation that I am like I didn't make an effort with someone that I met the first time? I got called out again for not making an effort with someone who I didn't need to make an effort to talk to, who also didn't make an effort to talk to me. Thanks.

SPEAKER_03:

Sound off in the comments if you think Brett is approachable or not.

SPEAKER_05:

I've got I got two intimidatings this past weekend where they're like, I was intimidated by you.

SPEAKER_03:

Just because you have bags under your eyes. No, deadass.

SPEAKER_05:

Just because I have bags under my eyes and I smoke cigarettes.

SPEAKER_03:

Like you would be a great Tim Burton character.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh, that feels super backhanded. Oh my god, you would look like uh you kind of look like one of those Tim Burton characters that's a little bit fucked up. You could be so good at that. Thanks. Yeah, I would love to be Wednesday's fucking cousin in Wednesday season two, but season three? No, this is season two. This is how I found out that I'm not in Wednesday season two. Holy fuck! Oh, I also I told you guys that I got called ugly hot this weekend, right? Yeah, I got called ugly hot by the bartender after he called one of my other friends hot to his face, and then he turned into other guys like, and you've been cracking me up all night. And I said, What about me? Literally like looks at me for like seven seconds, like examining me, and I was like, I shouldn't have said it. And I'm so like you can just pass on over him. I don't need anything. I mean, you're ugly hot. Yay. Yay. After he said uh to my friend, he's the most attractive man he's ever seen. Thanks. Ugly hot's not horrible though. And then obviously the entire night I was being so uh annoyed about me being chopped, um. Yeah, I'm sorry I'm fucking busted. Sorry I have to wait our table up for my ugly ass. Um like, yeah, I'm gonna make a fucking scene. So, anyways, um, don't call me ugly hot. I honestly feel like it's just like I'd rather just be called like ugly. Like at that point, it's like just like or mid even. Is ugly hot just mid? Because it's like, oh, you're ugly and hot. Yeah, well we have. Yeah, I actually don't need to be burned anymore randomly. See, I would call myself mid, but like if someone called me ugly hot, that seems like way meaner than mid.

SPEAKER_03:

I feel like somebody would tell me I have septum face.

SPEAKER_05:

These fuckers keep calling they say they have septum face and septum arms, which I was like, what the fuck is that? Pretty septum face. Septum. So insane.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, but rank which one you'd rather be called ugly, hot, chopped, or mid or unk.

SPEAKER_05:

I like really don't even know what like because that's not even like that bad. But I say it all the time. Unk at 27's crazy. That's all I know. I do think I am unk, like just like from what I've like heard or on the block. I'm like a little chopped, like in a pretty good way, where it's like, but I guess is that just yeah. You telling me a chopped unk fried this rice? Kidding.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh um oh, somebody wanted you to talk more about girls.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh, yeah. I really like I think I will end up with someone who's very similar to Adam Sackler. Sackler. And I'm okay with that. I actually would prefer that because I know that we would have fun and it would come at the cost of me kind of bearing such an emotional uh weight. What the fuck else am I supposed to do? I mean, I'm ugly hot, I'll do it. Who gives a fuck? Um, but yeah, I do really care for that character. I also kind of see myself and Hannah in a way where I'm like, damn, she's like really selfish. Like, holy shit. Kidding. Um, but it is just good to see, you know, yourself and other characters so you can kind of like un unlearn and unwork some things. But I really do fucking love the show. I also just think like the situations they're in, like, and just the people they're around, like just like the sense of which I mean like they have these people in LA too, but just like the sense of entitlement that people in New York and LA have who like aren't even like that successful, but then they just like make you feel like absolute fucking shit because they like had a very, very small role in like a a big project, and then just like are like an asshole to everyone for no reason. But yeah, no, it's fucking good show. Um, but yeah, I will end up with someone who probably will treat me like pretty badly, but we will have just a connection that will just be manifesting, yeah, an insane, insane connection, and it's like ugh dream man. It's like he's like horrible to her, like probably has anger issues, doesn't realize he loves her until after the fact. Yeah, I want him. I want him. Alright, so we are going to dial in a marine biologist, as I said. Um let's I'm talking in it. Everyone just randomly had an obsession with the ocean as a kid. Even like people in Iowa, where it's like we've never fucking seen the ocean or like know anything about it except for just like dolphins, and it's like, yeah, I'm gonna be a marine biologist. Like I deadass, like genuinely hand to heart, like would be like I will put down all of my money right now, which is probably like six dollars, to like guarantee that I would be a marine biologist. And I don't know when I just was like, I don't think that's gonna work, probably because of the fact I'm like, I live in Iowa, like what the fuck? Um, but that was just like the dream job. But like, what was it? Was it like truly just like dolphins that we all loved? And it's like, oh my god, we can work with dolphins.

SPEAKER_02:

I feel like they make you think that there's not like a science aspect to it, like you still have to be a biologist.

SPEAKER_05:

It's like oh, you gotta just like kind of ride in a boat and dolphins will be jumping next to you, and you get to like hold a jellyfish that doesn't sting you, and it's like, yeah, I want that. You actually have to rebuild the like coral reef in a very scientific way. Um that's also like how the fuck does that what do you mean you're rebuilding the reef? How? Using what, baby?

SPEAKER_03:

Which ocean do you guys feel most called to? And how many oceans are there?

SPEAKER_05:

Seven.

SPEAKER_03:

What?

SPEAKER_05:

Five, six, seven, five. We have the Indian, we have the Arctic, we have the Atlantic, we have the Pacific, and we have I think there's only four. I thought there was like one fuck ass. Southern Ocean's crazy. I'm not buying that shit. You're just that Southern Ocean from for Antarctic Ocean, the newest official ocean no one fucking told me. Um, encompassing the waters surrounding Antarctica. We don't need a fucking ocean for everything. Like, my god. Also, like, what's the point of Antarctica? Like, deadass. Like, it's crazy that we made that a continent.

SPEAKER_02:

Who's we?

SPEAKER_05:

I don't I was a part of the decision. I don't know. I was on the board. Yeah, I was actually on the board. I want to be a part of a board. I actually don't care that much.

SPEAKER_02:

Would you ever go to Mariana's Trench, or would you go into a submarine?

SPEAKER_05:

Who the hell's Mariana?

SPEAKER_02:

Mariana's Trench. It's the deepest point.

SPEAKER_05:

Mariana's point?

SPEAKER_02:

Mariana's Trench.

SPEAKER_05:

Went to Mariana's Trench and all I got was insane head. I love how, like, y'all just knew the deepest point on Earth.

SPEAKER_03:

Baby, this is on every test. Grades kindergarten tutorial.

SPEAKER_05:

I was probably getting drunk. Yeah, yeah. I was having sex. That's why I don't know this. My god. Yeah, I was getting sloppy toppy while y'all were filling out your fucking biology test.

SPEAKER_02:

If you were a Spongebob character, who would you be? Would you go to the chum bucket or the crusty crab?

SPEAKER_05:

I don't fuck with SpongeBob.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, you do.

SPEAKER_05:

No, you can't just say yes, you do. I think Spongebob, like, even at that age, I was like, this shit's dumb. Like, kids who watch this is are dumb. Like, you guys should be watching grown-up shit like Zoe 101. Like, I'm not kidding. Like, oh, oh, you little babies. Oh, the chum bucket. Grow the fuck up. So I'm getting my oh, oh, sandy cheeks. I'm getting I'm getting fucking cracked beyond belief, and you guys are talking about the crusty crab. Okay, I don't give a shit. I hate that like Spongebob is like the one thing that like you can't like even like people who like Spongebob, like you can't like even remotely say anything about it. I'm like, it's like objectively stupid. Yeah. Like it's literally a sponge who like has rips his fucking pants. His best friend is like dumb as rocks. Dumb as literal rocks, lives at a fucking rock, works at the crusty crab where a an octopus, a squid, lives who plays the clarinet, and it's run by a crab who is money obsessed, and his daughter is a whale.

SPEAKER_02:

If I hadn't seen the show, like just listening to this description, I'm like, wait, that sounds sick.

SPEAKER_05:

I thought you were gonna say it sounds dumb as fuck. Like, you deadass will pull out, like, oh, I don't fuck with SpongeBob, and you like will lose a friend over it. Like, you are gonna ride by this fuck ass sponge that hard that heavily. Okay, you and Sandy Cheeks have fun then. Like, I'm gonna go do some grown-up shit and get my dick sucked. Like, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done trying.

SPEAKER_03:

Which of the three of us do you think would survive on a boat in the middle of the ocean for the long wait, did that make sense?

SPEAKER_05:

In the middle of the night. Um, I'd get hungry. I think I'd get hungry. I do think I either would go insane immediately, like fucking insane, or be like just like chill for a randomly really long time.

SPEAKER_02:

But you don't like any seafood, right? Or is it just shrimp?

SPEAKER_05:

Is it only seafood?

SPEAKER_02:

He doesn't like shellfish. Well, you'd probably have to get your hunt your own food.

SPEAKER_05:

I know. I think I would be fine eating seafood.

SPEAKER_02:

If it's fresh, is it only seafood is crazy. Like, yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_05:

Wait, do y'all have other options? You guys don't have like any good sides or starters?

SPEAKER_03:

I kind of like do you have garnishes and accoutrements?

SPEAKER_05:

If it's fried properly, I think I could do a fish, but I also something I was thinking about is like I I don't love seafood. Like, I think I like have started loving it, and I get like shit, like I everyone makes me sound like I'm like literally like a little fucking baby shitting in its diaper because I don't like seafood. Baby, I'm from Iowa. Like you have to recognize like we're not doing like good seafood in Iowa randomly.

SPEAKER_03:

I thought we had long John Silvers.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, but what are you talking about? We had long John Silvers. Like, y'all can't be mad at me, like, oh, y'all had like shishimi at age like five. Bitch, I didn't even know what a fish was until I was 23. Like, you give me a second, let me cook a little. I'm doing salmon now, I'm doing salmon rolls, I can do tuna now. I I still can't do shellfish. Give me a second. That does not reflect me as a person, my character at all. Recognize where I come from. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03:

I want to talk about lifeguards, specifically beach lifeguards.

SPEAKER_05:

A regular lifeguard, and I like chet genuinely, that's when I like realized I had anxiety. I was like, oh damn, someone could like die on my watch. And so then I was just like so anxious the entire time, and I told my mom and I needed to quit, and she's like, You are so fucking dramatic. But I would have like nightmares that every single time I was trying to every single time I'd try to sleep, I'd just imagine a kid dying in the in the pool. So scary. Yeah, and then I my mom made me do it for two more summers because she called me a pussy. I love mental health and shit like that. Um, but I think an ocean would be even worse. I also can't imagine one person successfully saving me. I think it would have to be a group effort, which genuinely, if someone tries to come and save me and you need you're requesting backup because you can't get me with just one person, let me go. Like, Dead Oz, I don't need to be like escorted in by like a team of individuals. Like at that point, like I'd rather just pass, and that's okay. I'm happy to pass. But if we're getting two to three guards on the case, and the case is just like my fat ass trying to I don't we don't need to make a whole scene. Spare me that. I remember when I was a lifeguard, kids always look like they're kind of drowning, yeah, and you would have to blow a very loud air horn when you would like be jumping in and so draw attention to everyone. So I blew my fucking air horn because this kid was like drowning, and I jump and he starts swimming underwater away from me. And so I'm literally like trying to grab so I grab him and pull him, and he's like, What the hell? I don't think he actually said what the hell, he's like seven, but I was like, you were like drowning, and then he's like, No, I wasn't. I was like, Yes, you fucking were, you were drowning, and so then I had to pull him to the side, and then I had to talk to his mom like he was drowning. He's like, I wasn't, and so I was like arguing with this kid. I was like, You fucking were, okay? You don't know how to swim.

SPEAKER_02:

Was did your pool have slides?

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, we had um a toilet bowl slide. That's sick, which was so sick, and it was also so dangerous, and every single time they would hit their head extremely hard, which is like very cool, and then they just get dropped into um this thing. So we had a ton of like head back injuries. Were you ever like injuries?

SPEAKER_02:

The were you ever like the slide attendant that like pushed kids down?

SPEAKER_05:

We wouldn't push the kids down, but I would say go. Or were they they not on tubes? You can go now. They couldn't do tubes. This is a tubeless center.

SPEAKER_02:

And then were you ever the one at the bottom of the slide when they come out?

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, where you just like you wouldn't see the entire time, but then here does a ton of like which was their head, neck, and back, um, and then they would just like fall straight down. And there were like a few times where we would have to get out like this like board and put it because like for spinal injuries.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, it was like you're not joking.

SPEAKER_05:

It was like that.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know if I trust a 15-year-old to deal with my spinal injuries. You shouldn't.

SPEAKER_05:

You should not. Let's style in a m- Let's dial in a marine biologist really quickly. Here Hello? Hey Rich. Hi. How are you? I'm great, and you?

SPEAKER_01:

I'm good, thank you.

SPEAKER_05:

I'm just over the moon to have you on this call.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_05:

Should we just get into it?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh my god, okay, so we have our marine biologists on the call. How long did you know you wanted to be a marine biologist?

SPEAKER_01:

Um, honestly, probably since I was like in high school. I grew up in San Diego, so one of my um class options was like a marine biology oceanography class when I was in high school.

SPEAKER_05:

You would have hated the class options in Iowa. Yeah. Like you're doing that. We're just doing bad mitten for every like gym class. Like we had very limited. Anyways, sorry, keep going.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, well, we were actually pretty inland. Like we had a surf team, but we were still like 45 minutes from the beach.

SPEAKER_05:

So yeah, what your high school experience sounds sick as fuck. So yeah, if you're trying to bat bag, it's working. Alright, so you're the coolest girl I know. Um, do you know that everyone in the Midwest, ages like six to twelve, who have never seen an ocean before, are like, I'm gonna be a marine biologist? Like that was like the it job to say you want to have as a kid in Iowa.

SPEAKER_01:

I I think that honestly is pretty widespread. I saw something and it was like, if you like loved like Lisa Frank, like you probably wanted to be like a marine biologist like growing up. And yeah, like I get that. Honestly, I kind of get that a lot.

SPEAKER_05:

But you got to like have the opportunity to go and like you know, see it firsthand. We were just like, oh my god, I love dolphins. But like I've never like seen or know anything about that. You're like cleaning up the ocean, doing like projects in high school. Anyway, okay, so you knew since high school what like drew you in?

SPEAKER_01:

I don't I don't know. Like, I just think like I loved the beach, like I loved the ocean. I loved like I started watching like um, you know, like the blackfish documentary.

SPEAKER_04:

There was like this documentary called like the cove.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and so I was like very like, I want to be like an animal rights activist.

SPEAKER_05:

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it kind of calmed down. I didn't go exactly wrong, which I think is probably best.

SPEAKER_05:

But wait, do you eat meat? Do you mind if I ask?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh I do, I do.

SPEAKER_05:

I did you go through a thing? You don't eat seafood? I don't eat seafood. You don't want to mix like work and play.

SPEAKER_01:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, you can't do it. Don't want to think about work when I'm home.

SPEAKER_01:

I won't do a seafood boil, so even people in my field like there's nobody I've never met anybody that just doesn't eat seafood. It's either like all meat or no meat.

SPEAKER_05:

All meat or no meat's funny. Um, wait, why do you not eat seafood if you don't mind me asking?

SPEAKER_01:

Um, so it actually sort of when I was like a little kid, I was just like, you know, picky and didn't like it. And then as I grew up, like I was just kind of like, you know, I wanted to be a vegetarian, but my mom was like, I'm not making two different dinners. So I like couldn't be a vegetarian. So if that was kind of like my way, like I was like, okay, well, I'll just eat less meat, which is like seafood. And since I never like really acquired a taste for it, I don't it's not something I crave or like miss. So it's like easy to cut it out.

SPEAKER_05:

It's crazy, just like how like limited free will uh you have as a kid where it's like, I want to be a vegetarian, and then it's like, okay, well, I'm not ordering a cheese pizza, so you have to like eat this pepper and a pizza, or you're starving. And it's like, okay, I guess I'm like you're gonna like it. I don't give a fuck about animal, sure. I'll take it. Do you have any random tattoos that are related to the ocean or no?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my god, yeah, I actually have so many. I feel like half my tattoos are okay related. Can we get the um I have a sand dollar, which is funny because I got it like I got it because I was like, oh, they're on the beaches in San Francisco and not in San Diego, and like I had moved from San Diego to San Francisco, and this is like early in my tattoo getting things so you know they all had to mean something. Right. And then um I like got the wrong type of sand dollars.

SPEAKER_05:

There's multiple types of sand dollars.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, there are actually. Like East Coast versus West Coast.

SPEAKER_05:

What's the difference?

SPEAKER_01:

So the well the ones on the east coast will have like the little like slits in them, like the kind of like the holes in the in the like shell kind of like the body.

SPEAKER_05:

Sounds ran through. Ran through on the east coast. Extra slits, yeah. We know what that means. Kidding. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, and then yeah, and then the ones on the west coast are just like more more whole, more like down-to-earth, sweet.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, yeah. Creative. Um, I need you to know you are like the only person who I think is allowed to get any like ocean-related tattoos. Like, why does every bitch I know have like a wave on their on their wrist when they've gone to the ocean like twice? They just like vacationed at St. Pete's Beats with with their family like two times, and they're like, the ocean means everything to me. No, it doesn't. You just rode the wave one time on a boogie board, like grow up. But you're allowed to get as many ocean tattoos as as you want. So you have the sand dollar that's incorrect.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh yeah. I yeah, I have the incorrect sand dollar. I have um I got like a Friday the 13th um tattoo of like a little shark fin. And so that was only like 20 bucks, and it's just like a a little shark fin. Um, I have a jellyfish that has like flowers in the tentacles, too. I got that one matching with my sister because she's like really into plants. She's not a botanist, but she does really like plants.

SPEAKER_05:

Does she eat plants or no?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, she does. She does.

SPEAKER_05:

Well, you didn't eat seafood, so I was like, I wondered if that was like kind of like a thing that they ran in the family.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, no. Um, and then I also have a dolphin because oh my grandpa actually used to work for the Navy's marine mammal program. And so they would like train dolphins and marine mammals to be like underwater ops for the Navy.

SPEAKER_05:

Underwater ops is crazy. I want to be an underwater op so fucking bad. Once I learn how to swim well, I'm gonna like I'm gonna be working for the Navy.

SPEAKER_00:

Wait, you don't know how to swim for real?

SPEAKER_05:

Well, I do, but like not well enough to be an undercover op, I assume. Oh wait, we were training the dolphins to be undercover ops?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

What? How does that work? And how do I sign up?

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, honestly, I don't know that they do it anymore. And he was like into like the day he died, he was like very secretive about the whole thing. He's like, I'm not allowed to disclose like the all the information, but I just know that yeah, they would like train. I think they would like train them to find like underwater mines and stuff.

SPEAKER_05:

What the fuck? Dolphins? Yeah. Yeah. And then what would they do when they find the mines? Like rat the rat the enemy out. Hey, hi.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, there's one here. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_05:

It's crazy that dolphins are doing more to like protect our country than I am. Like, what the hell? I could be doing more. Again, that's why I want to become an undercover up um by Christmas, if my training goes correctly. But okay, that's crazy. Um wait, that's like also wholesome that it's kind of like keeping it in the family.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. He was like, he loved that I like did rain biology and like he used to scuba dive too, so he like loved that I was like into that stuff.

SPEAKER_05:

Do you scuba dive?

SPEAKER_01:

I do, yeah. We I scuba dive a lot for for work. Like we used to dive probably like three times a week. It's kind of slowed down a little bit, and now it's more like once a week. But yeah, it's a lot of diving.

SPEAKER_05:

What are you doing when you're diving?

SPEAKER_01:

Um, so I primarily work with coral disease. So I put like antibiotics on corals that have disease. So yeah, that's pretty much that's pretty much what we do. Sometimes we'll do like other like projects, like um work with other organizations and do projects like I'll plant corals on the reef. So sometimes we like grow them in a lab and then we'll take them out and like talk to them or like submit them down to the reef in hopes that they'll like grow over the years and like reform the reef. Um, we'll also do like surveys. There's like this big project we do um every other summer, and it's like two two straight weeks of like five dives a day, and you just go and like survey the reefs to determine like what kinds of wildlife, what kinds of kinds of corals, what kinds of like marine organisms are all down there so we can kind of learn a little bit more about what the stuff is of the reefs are.

SPEAKER_05:

When you say survey the reefs, I'm just imagining you going down like, hey, sorry. Do you have like two minutes to just answer a few questions? Um, so obviously I have questions on everything you just said. How how do you give them antibiotics? Is that like a shot? Is that kind of like more of like an ointment cream? Is that you know a suppository? Like how are we getting them the medicine?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh it's like a cream, it's like a paste.

SPEAKER_05:

Really? And you just rub that up.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, we put it in a caulking gun. Who? And like we'll mix it too. Yeah. Caulk. Put it in a caulking gun, yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

How do you spell that? And then caulking.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, C A U L K I N G.

SPEAKER_05:

Y'all got close to that one. Okay, so you put it in the caulking gun and then like just like spray it.

SPEAKER_01:

And then it like comes out like a like a paste. So it's like we mix like amoxicillin, and this is like specially formulated paste that mimics coral mucus, so that it'll stick to the coral. So we mix that together before we go out, put it in the caulking gun, and then we like squeeze it, squeeze it out, and just like apply it to wherever the disease is on the coral.

SPEAKER_05:

And you can do that in water.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay. Everything I know about water would like say otherwise, but I guess if you figured out like that mucus caulking paste, like sure.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, exactly. It's like, yeah, some magic, some some magic secret secret paste.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, y'all found the secret formula. Hell yeah, good for you.

SPEAKER_01:

Sometimes we'll use like they're called coral clips, and it's basically like a nail with like a little piece of metal with a prong on it, and you like nail the nail into like a hard substrate and then tuck the piece of coral under the under the metal prong.

SPEAKER_05:

It's so crazy. We can't even get the dialing in with Brett sign to stay up on my desk, and meanwhile, you're going underwater and like getting these coral to stick. I don't know how that works, but I'm really proud of you guys for figuring that out. Are the antibiotics the same like antibiotics we take, or is that like different shit for for them?

SPEAKER_01:

It is the same, yeah. It's amoxicillin. So we get it in like I it's probably slightly different because the giant like bottle of it that we get says like for animal animal use. So, but it's just a powdered form of amoxicillin, which we we use ammoxicillin as an antibiotic all the time.

SPEAKER_05:

That's crazy. We're taking the same shit. Me and coral are both taking the same things to feel better.

SPEAKER_01:

I know. Sometimes when I'm sick, I'm like, maybe I should just hit a little bit of this.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah. Take a quick hit. How often? So you mostly work with coral. Did you get to a point in your career where it's just like, alright, guess I'm not focusing much on animals or like what is that?

SPEAKER_01:

Um, yeah, so corals actually are animals.

SPEAKER_05:

Jesus Christ, I feel fucking horrible. Yeah, I know. Oh my god, I'm like so Republican for saying that. Oh my god, I'm so conservative. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Most people, most people don't realize that they are animals, but yeah, they're basically just like a hard like no, it's okay.

SPEAKER_05:

I just didn't know what their pronouns were, dudass.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, they're like they're a calcium, it's like calcium carbonate is what their skeleton is made out of. And it's just like polyps. So they're like basically like little like plankton kind of that just accumulate and live inside of the skeleton and they grow like on top of each other, kind of like different stories, so it like grows like up like the stories in like a building, and then that's how like the coral expands. It's like basically just like a colony of like hundreds and thousands of these little like plankton polyps that live inside of it. They're called zoanteli, and that's what gives corals their color too.

SPEAKER_05:

Wait, so is the coral, is it like one each coral is a living being, or does it have like multiple living beings inside inside of the one?

SPEAKER_01:

It has multiple living beings inside of the one. So yeah, they're called colonial organisms because it's like they yeah, they all live together in this one structure and they like work together. It's like a symbiotic relationship, so they provide food and shelter for each other.

SPEAKER_05:

How scared of your of sharks?

SPEAKER_01:

Um, I am not scared of sharks. I think they're pretty cool. I actually first got into the field because I wanted to study sharks and I was like, they're so like underrepresented, like everybody's scared of them. But then it turns out like in the marine biology field, that's like the golden ticket. Like everybody in marine biology wants to work on sharks.

SPEAKER_05:

Damn. So I was like, oh shit. Right, I'll take coral Jesus if everyone wants to talk so bad. Like it's all connected, I guess. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So we actually have gotten to do um we've done tiger shark tagging. So we actually have like caught and tagged tiger sharks. And so we would like basically like fish for them. This is through um a project um with I think the University of Massachusetts. And so we would they would come down here for two weeks, we would like set these traps for the tiger sharks, we would touch them, tie them up to the side of the boat, and they would do like these workups of like taking measurements, putting like tracking devices in them and like getting all this information from them, and then we would release them. And we have these sensors underwater that will like ping the tags on them so we can know their locations around the area and learn about their like migration patterns. So that was honestly always like the best the best couple weeks of the year with doing the tiger shark tagging.

SPEAKER_05:

Wow. What is one thing that we should know, like not to do if we're ever near a shark?

SPEAKER_01:

Um, don't like provoke them. You know, most in most cases is like people will try to like mess with them and then they're gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_05:

That's crazy. If I'm seeing a shark, I'm not like I'm gonna pull a prank. Ah, I'm gonna get you.

SPEAKER_01:

You'd be surprised. You'd be surprised. But yeah, I feel like for the most part, if you leave them alone, like they they don't actually care about you. We're not like a food source for them.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh, sorry, they don't give a shit about me, so like dead ass.

SPEAKER_01:

Probably even listen to the podcast, so it's like people like people people don't live in the ocean, so it's like if sharks were relying on people for food, like they would they would die.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah. Oh, is it scary scuba diving and like how serious is like I feel like when like you have to be so careful with your breathing and everything while scuba diving, like how big of an issue is that?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so when I first started scuba diving, I actually was pretty scared. I like had like some just like small issues when I first went under and then that kind of like traumatized me for a little bit. So like my first like a hundred dives probably, I was like nervous to do it. But the breathing and like it's like coming up too fast. That happens when you're in deeper water. That's a bigger issue if you're like deeper than thirty feet. A lot of the dives that we do, like with just treating the corals are maybe only like ten to fifteen feet. Um, we'll do like much deeper dives other times too, but it's like basically because you're at depth and so you're breathing in this oxygen, and so when you're there's like nitrogen in the oxygen, and so if you come up too quickly, then the nitrogen doesn't have time to uh leave your body and so it'll create like these bubbles in your blood and then that's how you'll get like decompression sickness, and then you'll have to go they put you in like this decompression tank, which basically like you're in a contained area, but it drops the pressure in that area so that it's like it's taking you back down to depth, and then you have to come back up slowly so that the nitrogen can can exit your body.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, I'm not gonna do all of that, but it's good to know then. I just won't I just won't scuba dive, but yeah. Can you do any cool tricks like while you're diving? Like I feel like I would just like even like blow O's or something in the water.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, I mean I can't. Other people can't. Sometimes I'll do like little spins.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, that sounds cool. Send me a picture of that. Yeah. Um, wait, I assume that humans are the main reason why the reefs are getting destroyed. That's correct, right? Or is it another thing that we do? It is. Um, are there any laws that like protect the coral reefs, or is it just, you know, like, hey guys, let's all try to be like m good people and Yeah, unfortunately we do rely on people being good people. There's no laws that protect it.

SPEAKER_01:

No, there's like there's areas called marine protected areas. So those are like kind of like national parks in the water, and so it's like you're not supposed to fish or like do certain types of activity like that, but it's like nobody can be patrolling that kind of vicinity all the time. So it's kinda like, yeah, we just kind of have to we can put forth these rules and hope people follow them, but it's not always enforced and then yeah, especially like in the water because things are like move you know, fish swim around, like they're not always gonna be in the same area. So it's kind of it's yeah, it's a little it's a little bit trickier to protect like underwater ocean environments.

SPEAKER_05:

Do you think we have like enough of a budget to protect our ocean and do projects and stuff like this to rebuild the coral, or do you think there's like lacking budget for stuff like this?

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, I we're definitely not being given access, I think, to the budget. I think that if money was spent on I think money could be spent on this and it could make a difference and it could help, but it's being spent on other things instead. So I think that if we probably had an administration that cared a little bit more, we could actually be making more progress towards it. But unfortunately everybody that works like in environmental science right now knows that the next couple years we're gonna lose a lot of funding, we're gonna lose a lot of projects and people, and so yeah, we kind of have to do what we can and hope that in the following years we'll be able to try and fix what gets messed up.

SPEAKER_05:

That's so insane. Wait, where do you guys get funding from? Is it the government or is it like Yeah, it's the government. Yay. No, I the government always I feel like gives people money who need it and always doesn't take away from really important things. Um, so that's it's sure it's easy working with them. Um what is the scariest creature you've ever encountered?

SPEAKER_01:

Probably the Barracuda. They like look they look scarier than sharks. They have like really like big teeth that kind of stick out and they'll like hang out. Like they'll just be like swimming, like kind of like next to you, like looking at you, and they're like not like you have to get like kind of close to like scare them off, they'll like stand their ground for a while. So they're pretty they're pretty scary.

SPEAKER_05:

I don't like that. How do you get them to go away? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, usually I'll just I'll leave my talking gun at them.

SPEAKER_05:

Jesus Christ, yeah. Honestly, pull the gun.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

unknown:

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_05:

Pull out your Glock and see what happens. Um Well, I'm gonna leave you with one last question. What can we, the people, the dialing in with Brett listeners do to help y'all? Y'all are doing so much and we're just sitting on our fat asses pretty much is rotting. Like, let let us help. How can we help besides like not destroying coral things?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I mean, I think yeah, just being like a conscious person, like you know, k not littering, like simple things like that, like because even if you live in like a landlocked state, like trash will end up in like rivers and streams that flow out into like bays and end up in the ocean eventually. So I feel like just like cleaning up after yourself and like you know, buying sustainable products like when you can, and then you know, of course, supporting any sort of policies that will help the environment as well.

SPEAKER_05:

Alright, well, I'm gonna order a cock gun here shortly, and I'm gonna I'll meet you in the Virgin Islands for a couple hours, see what we can tackle. Um Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, I'll be waiting. Perfect, amazing. All right, well, thank you so much for taking this call. Thank you what you're doing for our community and shit like that, our oceans. Like, god damn, like we need you. All right, I'll talk to you soon.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, bye. Have a good day.

SPEAKER_05:

Damn, y'all. We need to be doing more. I don't I don't fuck with barracudas. I like dead ass right when I asked that. I was like, I know it's gonna be a barracuda. My little cousin would always we are like in Iowa. There are barracudas in here. No, they're fucking not, but now obviously I'm not getting in the water. Like, what do you mean? Yeah, I saw a barracuda like Okamoji. There's barracudas. Um, seriously, if you have a wave tattoo, you need to be donating. Like, I'm not kidding. You need to be getting a cock gun and you need to be in the fucking waters. Hulk. Macaulay Coken. Culk hook gun. Hulk fiction. Okay. Get a fucking gun, go to the ocean, get a pistol, let's start rebuilding this shit. Because it's like, oh, you want to make the ocean a big part of your personality? Well, then clean it. Then fix it. Fix it. I don't have any ocean-related tattoos, so I'm not gonna help. I have my heartbeat ARL ARL tattoo, so yeah, I will be stepping up in some fields, not the ocean. Thanks.

SPEAKER_02:

But how coral is made up of like these little organisms living together. I was like, that was literally us this summer.

SPEAKER_05:

No, and I'm like, um, yeah, we all live together too.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you want the house tour? I know you tried to make that joke.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah. I just stopped though. She was awesome. I know she was cool as hell. You guys know it. You tolerate it. Am I in the wrong? God, I hate this part just because I have to read. My family was at the beach, and my cousin decided to bring his jet skis. My sister rode one for a few minutes, then declared herself as an expert. My cousin said that we could have fun, but the cardo rule was don't go past 200 yards from the beach. On my sister's next turn, she basically set a path perpendicular to the beach and went as fast as she could straight out into the ocean. My cousin screamed after my sister, but she kept racing out in the- Yeah, baby, she's not gonna hear you. She kept racing out into the ocean, and by the time he got in the water, he couldn't get the second jet ski started. My mom freaked out and called 911, and after an hour or so, we saw a Coast Guard boat heading towards her, and when they pulled her up to the beach, my sister was wrapped in a blanket, sobbing. And she was the most afraid she's ever been because she was lost at sea. Oh my god, I'm gonna fucking cry. My mom took her into our verbo. And I guess made her soup and tea and listened to her blubber all afternoon. When she finally came out of her room, she wanted to hold court after her traumatic experience. And when she said the words, a navigation error caused me to lose sight of land, I literally laughed as hard as I ever have in my life. It wasn't a navigation error, it was her being a dumbass. She basically screamed, F you, Lindsay, I almost died. And I laughed even harder. My mom says I owe her an apology and wasn't taking her trauma seriously. Am I in the wrong no Like if I was here, I would be making joke out the fucking ass. What do you mean you're blubbering, baby? You just didn't listen to the the rules. You just didn't follow direction. Like, you weren't lost at sea, bitch. We could see you the entire fucking time. There was never a doubt in anyone's mind that you would be completely fine. Now you're blubbering like a baby. No. Oh, lost that sea? My fucking ass. No, I don't fuck with this at all. I hate when people are like, do something wrong and then they're like, I'm scared. I don't care. I'm scared of how stupid you are. Oh, she needed soup and tea. She was cold. Bitch, you were out there for 15 minutes. Like, why are you acting like you went through this like life-altering thing? Also, you did this. No one told you to fucking skirt off in the jet ski 200 miles per hour. When I jet skied in the ocean a couple months ago, that was just like insane. Like I had to like truly lock in in a way where I'm like, I can't have fun at all. Every move I make has to every move I make, I make in you. You on my way, Jesus. Every step I take, I mean um, I but like truly every single move I made, I felt like I had my my life was on the line.

SPEAKER_02:

So it feels like maybe you understand why the girl was scared that she was.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, but I'm not a fucking dumbass.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh right, I forgot.

SPEAKER_05:

Right, right, right, right, right. Also, like I was completely by myself on a jet ski. I don't know how you can just like rent a jet ski and like literally take it out to sea. But when I do it, it's cut, and when she does it, it's irresponsible. So, am I in the wrong? No, you're actually not. I'm gonna call this girl. She's like fucking basket case. Hi, dumbass. How are you? Good. You got lost at sea? No way! That sounds fake. What do you mean? Oh no, the jet ski stopped working. Well, why were you so far away from the shore? Aww. Wait, that almost sounds like it's your fault. Oh, you got some soup and tea to warm yourself up. Weren't you literally gone for like six minutes? Okay. Yeah, you're in the wrong, baby. You are in the wrong, and actually, anyone can make as many comments or jokes as this as you want because this is a hundred percent your fault. Also, bet you weren't lost at sea. Stop trying to trying to make that happen. Alright, well, you warm up. You warm up. Enjoy the verbo. You too. She's like even dumber than you would expect. Okay. Am I in the wrong? Don't piss me off. Y'all, that's the ocean episode. I'm back on my organic content shit. Hey, got one last good push in me, so let's make this a big and long push. Um I can't go back into labor any other time. This is the last time. Once I give birth to my beautiful content baby, I'm gonna take some t what are you ever saying? I don't know. Anyways, once I give birth, um kidding. Alright, well, I love you guys. Join the Facebook group. We have 200 of y'all. I wanted to get up to two million of y'all. Is that so fucking much to ask for?

SPEAKER_03:

Alex Cooper, we're coming for your crown.

SPEAKER_05:

Does she have a Facebook group?

unknown:

Probably.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, I'm sure she does. Fuck. We just need to find like one thing she doesn't have so we can be better at her than live in literally one form. I mean, obviously I'm better than her in every form, but like we need a number to show that. What if I played tennis against Alex Cooper? I want to compete, I want to win, I want to be better than someone. Alex Cooper, you have 24 fucking hours to DM me and ask me out for a tennis match, or I'm canceling you. Okay, what does Alex Cooper have that I don't besides like a multi-million dollar Spotify deal? And every guest she's ever wanted to be on her podcast. Okay, well, I just had a marine biologist, bitch. I think we all are beaming, so, anyways. Alright, love y'all, blow my shit up, join the Facebook group.