Dialing In with Brett

14. is being a twin worth it??

• Brett Hamilton Productions • Season 1 • Episode 14

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This week on Dialing In with Brett, Brett recaps all of the things he has quit, relives the Benson Boone concert, and dials in a twin.. or three.


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SPEAKER_00:

Hi, this is Brett. I was dialing you in because I had a question. I there's no way. Hello? What a dick. Welcome back to episode. Let me be the first and only person to welcome you back to dialing in with Brett. Um, y'all, we've done 14 episodes. I said this is our Troy Bolton episode. Cheers to y'all. Um, this is a big one. This is the big one, actually. Not just a big one, it's the big one. We're not just dialing in one individual. Fuck it. We're not even dialing in two individuals. We're dialing in three.

SPEAKER_04:

No way.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And in a way, we're dialing in six.

SPEAKER_04:

How?

SPEAKER_00:

The horse's name was Freddie. The horse's name was fucking Friday the entire time. It was right in front of you. No, we are doing our twin episode. I think twins are weird as hell. There is something like demonic behind twins. I don't get it. I also just like the biology of twins. We don't even have to get into what do you mean? It's like, baby, you got two b belly you got two babies in that belly. Like that doesn't make sense. I also don't think I would like to share a womb. I have been thinking a lot about just like family. Kidding. But I've been thinking a lot about having kids and if I want to have kids, and I'm like, oh wait, it'd actually be kind of fun to have a kid because then it's kind of like you, you know, and it's like, oh my god, I do that. Fucking idiot. Now get up and blow your nose because you're fucking gross. Um, but no, I have been thinking a lot about that, and then I'm like, oh my god, twins are kind of like this maybe the first person ever says, Wait, twins, it's kind of like you're the same person. If you really think about twins, it's kind of like two people, one person, but into two. If you really fucking think, and you gotta think hard about this one, but it is, it is it is a weird phenomenon. But I also like now I'm like, wait, do I want a twin? I think we're like past that, but I'm like, what is the best twin setup? Is it girl on girl crime? Is it guy on guy? Guy girl. I think there's pros and cons to every single one of them, and I want to know if I could go back, if I could fucking do it all again, start from fresh, would I be a twin? If I had my choice, because I'm pro-choice, and I think I should be able to choose if I'm a twin or not. So we're we're going back to day zero. Um, and we're gonna make a big decision at the end of this episode if I want to be a twin, if I'm gonna split my egg, and if I'm gonna split it as a uh guy guy egg, guy girl egg.

SPEAKER_03:

Which twin duo would you rather go on vacation with? Dylan and Cole.

SPEAKER_00:

I was like, are there all I'm like Quintalia?

SPEAKER_03:

Dylan and Cole, Tia and Tamara, or Ethan and Grayson.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god. Fuck Grayson, Mary. Honestly, like Cole and Dylan Sprouse, first of all, they both just have like very dark energy over them, but they also are like different and weird in different ways. I don't think I would like the the Sprouse twins. And I used to like be obsessed with Riverdale, you know, that was my baby before it got like weird as fuck. Yeah, I don't we don't even get into it, but but I also like I was always like I love Cole Sprouse. I don't think we would get along. He's too fucking weird.

SPEAKER_03:

Like you wouldn't like Jughead Jones?

SPEAKER_00:

No, me and Jughead would have nothing to talk about. Oh, you're wearing that beanie again, take a shower. Like, I don't know. And even just like Cole Sprouse as a person, oh, you're wearing that beanie again, take a shower. Stop smoking inside. So I don't think I would fuck with them. Grayson and Ethan Dolan had to quit the industry by the age of 20. Industry got them by the ripe age of 20. Um, I don't think I need to actually have like a conversation with them. I feel like they just need like a lot of therapy. So Tia and Tamara. Yay!

SPEAKER_03:

I had the thought last night. If I were a celebrity, I would break the internet.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

And I mean that in the way of like, imagine if Leonardo DiCaprio like posted an Addison Ray song on his story. Or imagine if, like.

SPEAKER_00:

So how would you break the internet with the example of Leonardo DiCaprio posting Addison Ray's song?

SPEAKER_03:

Or like, what if Denzel Washington was like, I'm a huge Colleen Hoover fan. I love Colleen Hoover's book.

SPEAKER_00:

I get where you're coming from, but so how does that translate to you breaking the internet?

SPEAKER_03:

I would just be posting the most insane shit in the way where it's like, oh, um You would be posting Colleen Hoover's book. Or I would be like everyone should go listen to Ed Sheeran's cover of baby. You know what I mean? And then like suddenly then it's the most dream song.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. You're like, just so you guys know, like if I was famous, I could break the internet, but I'm not sure what's going on.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, I guess like you do have like a following breath.

SPEAKER_00:

So like people won't listen to what I say. People like go fuck about me.

SPEAKER_03:

But I guess if you could like take an audience and put them onto something, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00:

This could be like And I can't. I've tried, I fucking tried. No, it is like crazy because I don't think I have that, like, like obviously I'm an influencer, but I don't have that like influential power that I think others do, where it's like, oh my god, listen to this song, and then again it's like trending because of their power. Like, I could be like, holy shit, I love this product so much. And people will be like, make a list video. I also do while I while I have y'all here, and while we're talking about how no one listens to the I'm not stopping the podcast. I'm not gonna stop. I'm not gonna stop. I know we're getting less than a thousand views on YouTube. I don't give a flying fuck. Some of y'all enjoy it, and I'm gonna keep doing it for some of y'all. Yeah, I'm a man of the people.

SPEAKER_04:

You just cannot get this guy to quit. He will not get to it.

SPEAKER_00:

No, that's what I mean. I don't quit. I'm never, I'm not a quitter. Quit everything I've ever done. I also like would always get in trouble in high school because I did so many. Yeah, I did fucking a ton of sports and shit like that. But I would always like sign up to do a sport, buy every like sweatshirt, sweatpant, dry fit, quarter zip for that sport, and then quit the sport about like a week later, and then the shipment of clothing would get in. So I did that with swimming, I did that with the basketball, I did it for track.

SPEAKER_04:

You play basketball? Yeah, something so funny is I'm picturing you dribbling down the court and like standing in the post. Like I'm open, I'm open.

SPEAKER_00:

What's funny about that? Shit ain't funny. Anyway, I did do basketball freshman year. I was not on the A team, unfortunately, or the B team. I was on the C team. But in my defense, there were C1, C2, C3, and C4. I was C1. And so um A and B played games, C team. We didn't play games C teams. We didn't get to play games. No, baby, why? No. Um, but sometimes if the school would have enough kids, then we would do a kind of like a scrimmage. I was plat- They don't even have refs. No, they like literally it was like a free play, open gym for the C team. Anyway, so I was on C team, uh A and B team practice in the morning before school, and all my friends obviously were way more athletic than I was, so I didn't get a go with them. And I gotta play one B game, A. Yeah, I didn't do anything, didn't score any single points. I'm pretty sure I like really kind of fucked up the game in a pretty good way, so I moved immediately back down to C1 and never played the game again. Um, but I did occasionally get invited to the B team practices. Again, wasn't playing, I just had to go at uh at 6 a.m. to go practice before school and then also after again, just to not play games and just scrimmage with my friends. Um, and so then I sent an email to the coach, kind of just being like, hey, like I'm a little confused, like this is like I'm bouncing around between B and C, and I'm just like trying to get my head screwed on straight and just kind of figure everything out so I can play in ahead. I'm like 14 years old. Just like want to be able to play in my like future. Like, am I gonna keep waking up early for the practices? Will I ever fucking play a game? Just like I just like wanted to get your uh just pick your brain a little bit. Cause if not, I think I'm gonna leave. That was kind of the whole thing. The email was something along the lines of like, okay, well, we had a great season. Um, fun having you. Um, look forward to seeing you around the halls. I found an email I sent another one of my uh teacher, just like pretty much like a long-winded email to be like, I don't even know what the context of this is, but I messaged my high school calculus teacher. I'm willing to do extra workslash homework assignments. I'm honestly willing to do whatever. If you have any alternative options to let me know. Sorry for bothering you, and I hope your wife surprises you and gets you a PS4 for Christmas. Me when I didn't study for the final and probably failed it, and then I was like, wait, my grade actually was affected by this. Please. I hope your wife gets you a PS4.

SPEAKER_04:

What are some other things that you've quit?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh I quit swimming after about four days, again, after I ordered the like matching jumper set. Um, and I had to quit because every single time I would jump into the pool to do like, oh, like, you know, like they what do they even do? Blow a whistle to start ding. Anyways, when I had to dive into the pool to start the race, we weren't even racing. This was still just practice. Obviously, I'm sure I wouldn't even make whatever fucking team like actually competed. But my goggles would just come right up off my forehead, and then I would like try to be like swimming, but I couldn't. My goggles were I so I couldn't cease, then I was just like aimlessly swimming. So then I quit that after about four days. Same with track. Because I was just like, What? Oh, I quit every job in high school too. And then my mom would that's why I was a lifeguard for two years, even though it like caused me an immense amount of anxiety because my mom was like, You quit every single thing you do. Okay, great.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, but he's not gonna quit this podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm not one thing I'm not gonna quit. Alright, so we're dialing in the twins. I have some questions. I am just gonna do some rapid fire questions for these individuals. I want this to be quick. Tell me exactly what it's like. I wanna know. I want to be a part of it, but also maybe I don't want to be a part of it. And that's what we're getting to the bottom of. What is the most ideal twin setup? Or is it not being a twin at all? Do you talk about like sex with your twin? Like, I don't know. Like, sometimes people are like too close with their twin, or I'm like, you shouldn't, they don't even know everything. I can't be the less attractive twin. I can't be the less athletic twin. I can't be the I need to be better in every single form, and I would directly compare myself to whatever twin I had. Unless it's maybe a girl, and then maybe I don't care. I feel like being a guy girl twin duo in high school is weird as fuck. You know, it's like, oh, are y'all like friends? You know everything, like I'd be like, you know everything about my life in a way that is unsettling, and I don't prefer. The first duo we are dialing in, slash not duo, just we're just gonna have one person do a tell-all um is a guy on guy crime.

unknown:

Hello.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey Twin and M.

unknown:

Hi.

SPEAKER_00:

How are you? So nice to meet you. Thank you so much for taking this call, Cal. Good. Thank you for calling me, Brad. Of course. Um, we're just gonna like rapid fire the hell out of this because we have to truly get to the bottom of this. I want to know what is the most ideal twin setup, if it's guy on guy, girl on girl, guy on girl. First and foremost, you're guy on guy, right?

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, I'm a guy and guy twin.

SPEAKER_00:

How is that?

SPEAKER_01:

Strong. I okay. I think personally, guy and guy twin is the best combination. Really why? I can't I can't really speak to woman on woman. I think the guy and guy combination is great. Um I think the fun thing about being a twin is in a lot of cases, it's either you have to do all of the same things or you have to do all of the different, like entirely opposite things.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And me and my twin are in the second camp. It's like when we're growing up, it was like he played this, he played soccer, he did land sports, he's like it with his hands, I swam, I did cross country, like I was doing individual stuff. There's a lot of fun ways, like when you're a guy and guy twin, like you get to like have different hobbies and then like have different friends, and like your friends can be friends.

SPEAKER_00:

Would you say you're the more attractive twin?

SPEAKER_01:

Ooh, um, well, I'm definitely the more sorry, Brooks, not to be rude, but I would say maybe charismatic. Damn. He's not he just really doesn't have a personality there. He oh no, he has an incredible personality, but he's he's a quiet, a quiet type. Um that's sweet. Yeah, I'm like I'm like the loudest, most sociable person you can imagine, and he is very quiet, very reserved, and we love him, but we also have a sibling that's one year younger. And so, like that I think is a very fun dynamic.

SPEAKER_00:

Damn, your mom really just like kind of cranked those out, huh?

SPEAKER_01:

I know. She said one, two, three.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Do you feel like you like are connected in a way that is different with your twin and him, or no?

SPEAKER_01:

Ooh, um, okay, so me and my sister just are have like a very different kind of connection because she is like a carbon copy of me. Like, in every conceivable way, me and my sister still.

SPEAKER_00:

She will never be a twin though. She needs to know that.

SPEAKER_01:

But but we but we will never be twins. And like my brother's like, like, he's my emergency contact for everything. Like, when it when it comes down to it, like that is the man who's going to look out for me no matter what. We're very yin-yang. Like, I'm very like up in the clouds, idealistic, all over the place. He's very loud, he's very like quiet, grounded, practical, make sure I'm okay, keep things stable.

SPEAKER_00:

Would you like recommend? Like, if you could do it all again, you know, you start start back from square one, would you do it again or would you not?

SPEAKER_01:

I would there is nothing I would trade for being a twin.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, you wouldn't even trade Twain. You wouldn't even trade him in for a girl?

SPEAKER_01:

Like, I I think the three of us have like the perfect sibling dynamic. And my twin is like, he's the like the core of the dynamic. He's the straight man in our third.

SPEAKER_00:

Staple straight man, token straight man.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, he is like the grounded straight man in the crazy trio that we have going.

SPEAKER_00:

So y'all never fought over like relationships, partners, etc. like that?

SPEAKER_01:

No, like I I mean, I knew like day one, we all we've been knowing that I was gay. So there was never really a period where we were like pretending that we could like be fighting over the same girls and stuff. Yeah. Like there was this was a this was an early on situation. We all knew that I was gay.

SPEAKER_00:

Who like drives when you guys drive? Like, did you drive to school together?

SPEAKER_01:

I yeah, so all three of us would drive to school together every day. My brother drives everywhere. I never drive nice. My my brother's driving me everywhere, and then if my brother can't make it, then I'm calling my sister and she's gonna drive me there.

SPEAKER_00:

Jesus, you got a nice setup. This is giving me like a lot of good insight. Like, you were really selling me on boy on boy twin. But I feel like it has to be boy on boy twin, one gay, one straight. Like, I feel like I know.

SPEAKER_01:

If if if it was a two straight boy on boy twin, like that's a tough dynamic.

SPEAKER_00:

Or two gays, my god. Handful.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't even want to imagine that reality. Two gay twins.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's like we shouldn't do that to the world.

SPEAKER_01:

That let's not even talk about that.

SPEAKER_00:

That's horrifying. We have enough going on, we have enough division in this world.

SPEAKER_01:

We don't need to we can we can do a one gay, one straight twin. That's great.

SPEAKER_00:

I think that might be like the new new normal. That's like the template blue plane.

SPEAKER_01:

Everyone, like everyone should want to have if you're a gay man, you should want to have a straight twin and vice versa.

SPEAKER_00:

You really did bring up some very good points. And again, like the free carroids are on this not half math right now. Um okay, great. Well, I'm happy for you and your twin and also your sister who's like randomly really close in age. Um, you guys deserve the world, you deserve each other.

SPEAKER_01:

Shout out to me, me. I'm gonna be shocked if you don't pick the guy guy.

SPEAKER_00:

So that's all I'm gonna say in the matter. Alright, well, no hard feelings. All right, well, love you. I'll talk to you soon.

SPEAKER_01:

Nice to meet you.

SPEAKER_00:

Bye. I feel like if I was a twin, I'd be like, fuck that guy. Fuck that girl. Like he's like, oh no, he's like actually the best guy I've ever met. Oh, you guys get along that well. I do, again, the car ride sounds pretty fucking nice. But I'm also like, if you have diff do just like completely different things, just be siblings. Like, why did you have to be twins? Like, it's like, okay, yeah, you're just describing a normal sibling. What's the fuck? Like, why do you look semi-similar to this guy if you're just doing your own shit? Alright, next we're calling in girl on boy crime. How it should be. I missed the days when it was guys and girls. Now it's hello. Hi, Devin. How are you?

unknown:

Good. How are you?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm good. I'm just really excited to be talking to you right now. Um, we just called in a guy, guy, guy twin. Um and I'm I'm just trying to get to the bottom. If I if I wanted to be a twin, what kind of twin would I want to be? I want to hear about your guy girl experience. How was it? Are y'all close? What's the vibe? Would you do it again? Are you competitive with him?

SPEAKER_06:

Yes. I mean, he's we'll we'll get him some cool points for sure.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, so he's lame. Okay. Cool, he's lame as fuck. Okay, got it. Are y'all close? Do you live in the same city, etc.?

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, we actually live five blocks from each other.

SPEAKER_00:

How often do you see each other?

SPEAKER_06:

Probably at least once a week. Um, yeah, we're super close. It wasn't always that way, but definitely is now.

SPEAKER_00:

What do you guys do together?

SPEAKER_06:

Um, it's mostly sports because he's a boy. So it's watching sports or talking about sports. No, but he's like, Do you like sports? I do, but I think that was, you know, um, because I grew up around it. So my life was at a ball field for said twin brother.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you guys look similar or no?

SPEAKER_06:

We definitely do. We both look like my dad, my poor mom.

SPEAKER_00:

Wait, are you guys you can't be identical twins with the guy, can you? Or can you?

SPEAKER_06:

No. So that was like one thing I was gonna bring up is it was so funny growing up. He'd be like, I'm a twin, and they're like, Are you identical? Like, okay, let's use our brains like I literally did just find out on this call that you could tell you what my anatomy is.

SPEAKER_00:

That's crazy. What was like the dynamic like in high school? Like, would you guys drive to school together? Did you guys have the same friends? Did your friends like him? Slash vice versa.

SPEAKER_06:

Well, hate that I'm saying this, but he was like lazy and didn't want to get his license. So I was the opposite. I was like, give me the car keys. Like, give them right now.

SPEAKER_00:

So you were driving his ass around, his sorry lame ass around? Yeah. I was the guy who were driver. That's crazy. Like, what's the point of having a guide one if you're driving?

SPEAKER_06:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, wait, so were you friends with his friends in high school? Slash, or did you all do like your own things?

SPEAKER_06:

Um, probably against his will, because like obviously I wanted to talk to the baseball players, so I was like, perfect. And he was like, What am I getting out of this? And like, I'm not sure, but this is great for me.

SPEAKER_00:

But this is a perfect setup for me. Would you like try to date any of his friends or no?

SPEAKER_06:

Oh my god, yes. That was honestly why we weren't close in the room.

SPEAKER_00:

But also, it's like, can you blame a bitch? Like, Jesus. Hey, if you're friends with the baseball team, I'm gonna be friendly with them too. Like, my god, I'm a girl. I'm allowed to do shit like this. I drove you here, so like the least I can do is flirt with your friends.

SPEAKER_06:

Precisely. I drove you to the ball field, and now I'm gonna hang out with some boys. Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

If you could redo it, would you still choose to have he's not gonna listen to this, is he? No, probably not. Okay, Jesus. Put him on it. My god. Um, but if you could go back, would you choose to have a guy twin again, or would you choose a girl twin?

SPEAKER_06:

I would totally choose a guy twin because it was like no competition. It was just more so having a brother that then was also in the same life as me. So it was like he understood it, but there was no competition really.

SPEAKER_00:

I couldn't compete against anyone because I would and I would have to be better, which like I would be, but like it's fine, but I would have to like put in more work to be better. What well-known twin duo would you guys say you're most similar to?

SPEAKER_06:

Oh my gosh. You know, we've had this conversation and they're not twins, but um, I think they're like Irish twins, is what they call it, or something like that.

SPEAKER_00:

Um You're just saying shit, I love it. But it's an Irish twin.

SPEAKER_06:

That's when they're born within like a year, like the mom was like, okay, like let's just get pregnant right again. And so they're born technically in the same year.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

Um, but I think it's Kate Hudson and her brother Oliver Hudson.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Um, very similar work.

SPEAKER_06:

She's like iconic and successful, and he's just kind of like in her hotel.

SPEAKER_00:

So and he's there. She's iconic and successful, and he gets a free ride to the ball, to the ballpark. So exactly.

SPEAKER_06:

I can't not say this in this conversation. Not only am I a twin, but we're born on 9-11. So the twin towers went down on our twin birthday.

SPEAKER_00:

Um I can't like I would I hate pointing fingers, but like, it's not looking good for you, baby. Oh my god. Ah you weren't born on like the big one, right? It was no, no. I was like eight, I think. Okay. Still not a great look for you as a twin in the two towers. But okay, that just put kind of like a sour taste in my mouth. Okay, so maybe I just want to be an Irish twin because I don't want to be responsible for any any horrible tragedy. Exactly. Um, okay, I feel like I'm learning a lot from this conversation. Is that if there's like one last thing to really sell me on a guy-girl twin, um, I'd love to hear it. So make your pitch, your final pitch.

SPEAKER_06:

Honestly, the biggest thing is what I already told you. You don't want to be in competition. Like, just be that bitch. And if you're fraternal, then you are that bitch, and no one can take that from you.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. Wow. Okay. Well, thank you so much. I have just so much to process from this phone call. Get your brother a fucking license, get him driving. All right, well, I love you. I'll talk to you soon. Good luck with him. My god.

unknown:

Bye, Brad.

SPEAKER_00:

All right, bye. Yikes. Okay, so uh right now I'm like, okay, so I could either be a guy guy twin and get a fucking ride. Or in this situation. Oh, wait a second, or I could be a guy girl, and I'm the guy because I'm a guy. So I don't have to drive either way. So right now I'm like, if I'm in a guy guy thing, I want to be the gay guy to the straight guy. But then in a guy girl, I want to be the straight guy to the girl. I mean, regardless, I'm getting a free ride in either of these situations, which I like. And both of them said they weren't competing. We should have gotten two S's, two straight males, and two gay males on the line as well. That's a whole nother. Hey, that's episode 15. All right, let's do girl and girl.

unknown:

Hello.

SPEAKER_00:

Damn, quick answer, Eileen. My god. Give it a beat. Too eager. I love it. How are you? I'm good.

unknown:

How are you?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm great. We've interviewed two twins already: a guy and a guy, and a girl and a guy. And so you you are our final one with girl on girl. Um, we are just going to pick the fuck out of your brain here quickly. What was it like, Eileen? My god. Jesus.

SPEAKER_05:

Um, you know, it was great. It was like having a built-in best friend.

SPEAKER_00:

That you like kind of hated at the same time, or no?

SPEAKER_05:

You know, me and my sister get along really, really well. The only thing that was like a problem sometimes is we shared a room our entire lives growing up. So sometimes like that got a little old.

SPEAKER_00:

Did you all have like the same friends? Were you in the same friend group?

SPEAKER_05:

No, I mean we had some overlapping friends, but like in high school, in middle school, I feel like we had different, we ran in different circles, okay.

SPEAKER_00:

And that's good, right?

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, I mean it was nice because it helped us form different identities. Like I feel like if we had all the same friends, that would have maybe done a little more psychological damage on me.

SPEAKER_00:

But what's your identity compared to hers?

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, that's a good question. I mean in that like in high school, I was like the newspaper kid. She was like the marching band kid, you could say.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_05:

So now I don't know what our I guess she's like a little bit more of like a nerd than me. Like a more like smarter and harder working, probably.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, but a nerd. Yeah, she's smarter and harder working, but nerd. Kidding.

SPEAKER_05:

This is hard because I'm in the car with her right now. So, you know.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey girl, hey nerd. Kidding. Did y'all ever like try to date the same people? Slash was dating weird, slash would you guys like talk about sex and shit like that? Or were you guys kind of more private?

SPEAKER_05:

I mean, we would talk we definitely weren't like trying to date the same people or anything like that.

SPEAKER_00:

That's good.

SPEAKER_05:

But we would definitely like talk about things like I would feel more comfortable talking to her about stuff like that than even my friends at the time, I think.

SPEAKER_00:

Out of the two twins we have interviewed already, the guy on guy, the straight brother drove around the gay brother, girl on guy, the girl drove around her straight brother. Girl on girl, who's driving the fucking car?

SPEAKER_05:

Oh, my sister.

SPEAKER_00:

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

She's 20 minutes older than me.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah, she like act like it then, baby. Start driving.

SPEAKER_05:

You can tell. You can tell. She like had the car the majority of the time.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, if you were to go back and redo it, would you still choose a girl? I know your like twin sister's literally in the car, but she's fine. She can take it if you would choose someone else.

SPEAKER_05:

No, I definitely would, because I have two br we have two younger brothers, so it's now our our family's like evenly balanced, which is nice. And also, I think that if my twin was a boy, like we just wouldn't be as close.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, sorry, no hate, but it's like, what are you gonna talk to a boy about?

SPEAKER_05:

Exactly, exactly. Like football. I I can't do that.

SPEAKER_00:

Actually, we we know firsthand, yes. Can you just make like one last pitch as to why I should choose girl on girl twin?

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, well, I don't know if any of the other twins have had have brought up any like psychic connections there.

SPEAKER_00:

No, do you have that?

SPEAKER_05:

Well, my sister and I realized about a year and a half ago, we realized that we have the same recurring nightmare.

SPEAKER_00:

What? What is it?

SPEAKER_05:

It's like we're in okay, so I'll just tell you what the dream is like for me. She said it's the same for her. I'm in my childhood home and like something's happening like we're having like dinner or like my whole family's there, and I have to go to the side of the house where like the bathroom and the bedrooms are. And I it's nighttime. I go over to that side of the house, I'm like going to use the bathroom, I flip the light switch on, and nothing happens. But I know that the power is not out because it works in the other parts of the house. And as soon as I do that, I'm like, oh my god, there's a presence here, like something bad is about to happen. And I I don't couldn't tell you why I know that, but like the lights won't go on, and that's where it ends.

SPEAKER_00:

Jesus. And y'all both have the same shit.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes, we both have the same recurring dream.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, so if I'm a girl and girl twin, I will have a recurring nightmare.

SPEAKER_05:

I think you might have a psychic, a psychic connection.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you guys have anything else cool, or is it just a nightmare?

SPEAKER_05:

No, it's just a nightmare.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, what's the fucking point then, Eileen? Like, why would I want that? Oh, now I have double the amount of nightmares. Fuck my life. God, that sounds horrible. Um I shot myself in the foot. I know, but everything else you said sounded cool, though. Okay, good. So it really will be a tough decision. But thank you so much for your time, Eileen. I mean it. And your sister, love her to death. Alright, well, I love you. I'll talk to you soon. Alright, love you, bye. Oh, I gotta love you back. See, that's the thing about like girl and girl twins. It's like they're such lovers. I have a fuck ton of process right now. My god, I have a very, very, very hard decision to make, and I don't know if I'm equipped with the right information to make this decision. Um, but like most things in my life, I'm gonna make a decision anyways. I'll give you a rundown of what I think. Guy on guy, straight guy, gay guy. Sounds pretty cool to be a gay guy and a straight guy twin. Especially not identical. Fraternal sounds cool. Iris twin sounds fake. Girl, guy. I don't want to be a girl driving a guy. Also, like hey, like, what do we talk about? Uh, girl, girl. You still might have to drive if you're um, but also like the twin, like the I want to do like the twin telepathy, but I don't want the nightmares. I don't I could do without the double nightmares, that sounds horrible. I also think if I was a girl, I would be mean. I would not like another girl in my in and around my space that looks similar to me. Fuck. Like, I can't believe I have to make a decision.

SPEAKER_04:

So, Brett, what are you going to choose? What kind of twin would you like to be?

SPEAKER_00:

This has not been an easy decision. Um I just have to trust my heart and my gut, and I'm gonna go with I'm gonna choose gay guy, straight guy. Twin. I knew from the very beginning that you were gonna choose that. You guys literally don't know anything about me, but I'm obsessed with you.

SPEAKER_04:

Will you be the gay guy or the straight guy? Brett Hamilton Newstrom. Will you be gay or straight?

SPEAKER_00:

Choose now. Gay. Gay, because I don't want to drive. I don't want to drive, and I think I would rather be kind of like the more obnoxious one, which usually comes with being gay. And I would rather be the louder brother and have a quiet brother drive me places than being the quiet brother who has to drive. It really came down to driving. I'm tired of fucking driving everyone around. I just want a straight twin to do it for me. Is that a fucking crime? Okay, wow. I didn't think I'd come to a decision that quickly. Um, thank you so much for the twins that we had on this episode for sharing their experience, their story, for just opening up to me in ways that I didn't expect them to.

SPEAKER_04:

Do you like to be identical or fraternal?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh fraternal. I don't like the thought of like someone looking that similar to me. And again, I would have to be the hottest one. And I feel like if you're like identical twins, that it's like, okay, like you really have to like go above and beyond to make yourself look like different and unique. But if you're fraternal, it's like whatever, I'll just do me.

SPEAKER_04:

I think it would be nice as a girl because it's like you can the other girl can test out what makeup looks best on your face and what clothes look best on your body type and stuff, and you don't have to do the experimenting. You can just be like, oh yeah, I should do my eyeliner like that based on the eye that I have.

SPEAKER_00:

But what if you're the experimental girl? I wouldn't be. Okay. Oh, I wouldn't be. Thanks. Thanks for clearing that up. Anyway, hey, pulling out my laptop, if you know what that means. I 31M have an identical twin brother. For a while I've told my wife that none of her family members notice or care about me, aw, but they insist on me attending Christmas Eve. So, I made a bet with my wife. What? Bring my twin brother Steve instead of me and see if anyone notices. What the fuck is this at? Like, what? What? Couples used to just like have missionary and go to bed by 9 p.m. and now they're doing twin swaps at Christmas Eve. I purposely did not prep Steve on anything. He know what? You're okay. He went in completely clueless. He was game and I gave him$20. What the f that did not seem like enough. Yeah, hey, I'll give you$20 to pretend to be me and go to my family Christmas Eve. No. Afterwards, Steve confirmed that he wasn't approached all night. Nobody could tell he was me, and he admitted he felt excluded and could only imagine how I felt. This is like a bizarre thing. It's like, let's do an experiment to see if no one gives a fuck about me. And they don't. Like confirmed, no one fucks with you. So the next day, Christmas, I invited Steve to join us at my wife's family. Is he like in character or like they know about him, obviously, but don't know about the switcheroo. I haven't heard that term in 50 years. That was when I revealed that last night Steve played me and expressed disappointment that nobody noticed, and I told him, This is why I stopped trying because nobody talks to me. My wife drew the line there. She was hoping we would just keep this between the two of us as a funny prank, but how can I expect her family to see what jerks they've been if I don't expose them? Am I in the wrong? I don't like what are you fucking doing? You're in the wrong for some reason. I don't like because you're weird. What are you even asking me?

SPEAKER_03:

Am I in the wrong for like another option can be everyone's the asshole. Like everyone's. Everyone is in the wrong.

SPEAKER_00:

This is like the shit that I would think about, like when I'm like trying to go to bed at 2 a.m. and I'm like, no, like if I died, no one even covered my fucking funeral. No, no one fucks with me. Oh, let's just have a let's do an old-fashioned fucking switcheroo. You're 31 years old. Why are you doing a switcheroo? If you feel like people don't fuck with you, just be like, hey, I feel like you guys don't fuck with me. You don't have to bring your twin in for 20 bucks. Also, you're doing this for 20 bucks? Bucks? You're doing this for 20 bucks. You're easy. Get a grip, all of you. You're 31 years old. Start fucking acting like it. Like the twin swap is crazy. Is this real?

SPEAKER_04:

I think bring back running an experiment. He had a hypothesis. He ran the experiment and then he got his answer.

SPEAKER_00:

Bring back realizing people don't fuck with you and moving on. I say this, but like if I had a twin, I'd be pulling shit like this all the time. I also feel like if I was the family and they're like, oh, so that actually was an experiment, and you guys didn't fuck with me. I'd be like, you're fucking insane. You were so insane. You were so afraid we didn't fuck with you that you brought in a stunt double. Okay, well, I actually didn't have a problem with you, but now I think you're fucking weird. You and your twin. Also, you paid him 20 bucks for that. Like, you're weird as fuck, too, for saying yes to that. The wife's weird. The family's weird. Everyone's fucking weird. Also, the fact that no one noticed, how identical are you, really? Y'all really like need to have different personalities have like change your fucking looks. If your wife's family didn't even clock that this was you. Also, they don't fuck with you that much. Baby, yeah, they just don't like you. And this experiment just made you look fucking weirder. Probably made them fuck with you less. So, like, I hope you got what you wanted. At least someone got 20 bucks out of the deal. But like, what do you mean you pranked us because you thought no one fucked with you? I don't even know who what advice to give. I'm gonna call then the twin. Not the twin who did it for 20 bucks, but the twin who even just like thought to do this. Go for Brat. Hi, how are you? Little petty bitch. Heard about your stun. That was crazy. At Family Christmas, too. What did you do? What were you doing in the meantime? Were you hiding in like the janitor closet while this shit was going down? Like, were you just at home like twiddling your fucking thumbs while you your brother was doing this shit for below minimum wage? What's your problem, man? I get why they don't fuck with you. You're weird. You're a weird guy. You've always been a weird guy. You're 31 years old. Also, your wife is weird for letting this happen. Like, if I was married to someone and they're like, hey, I'm actually gonna uh flip fuck and have my my twin jump in for family Christmas. Okay, well, I don't want to spend time with him. No, I have to pretend to be married to your brother just because you're petty as hell and you feel like my family doesn't like you. They don't. They don't. You can, you know, maybe just have a conversation with them about them not liking you. You don't need to do a little stunt. Got any big Christmas pants? Kidding. You need to go this year. Or don't. And stop being a little bitch. Alright. Yeah, you too. Do you like being a twin though? It's good. Yeah. Oh my god, cool. Alright, bye. He's gonna go to Family Christmas this year. So we'll see how that goes. Anyway, y'all are weird. Twins are weird. But also if I was like a twin, yeah, would I probably pull this shit? Yeah, but I would have done it when I was like 15, not 31. Am I on the wrong? I can't with y'all. I can't with you twins. You twins are the reason I drink. Ha ha kidding. It's other reasons. Alright, well.

SPEAKER_04:

You can't end the episode without talking about the Benson Boone concert.

SPEAKER_00:

I went to the Benson Boone concert. Okay. I am catching strays and I'm a Benson Boone fan. What? Where are you getting that? Where are you getting that information as I continue to post him on my story a pretty good bit and enjoy a few of his songs? And think he's really talented. Why do you think I like him? Cause I went to his concert? Because I enjoy his music? I'm confused why y'all are confused. Yeah, I do I think Benson Boone's talented. Who yeah. Do I support the man? Why are you even asking me all these questions? Like, why is this kidding? But I do actually, you know what? I thought it was good. I thought the concert was good. I did get to go for free. I wouldn't have spent money on a Benson Boone concert, but I had fun. I had fun. His voice is great. Is he like very PG in a way that I don't prefer? Sure.

SPEAKER_04:

How many flips did he do?

SPEAKER_00:

Six. I really like I again like I shit on him for flipping. He could have done more. He really could have. There were a few times where it looked like he was gonna flip, and like every single time he flipped, we obviously went. The crowd went wild. Um but he was about to do a flip at the end, just a big jump. Why are you doing a big jump? You can do like an insane flip. I don't give a fuck about like we could all do a big jump. Everyone can do a big jump. We came here for the fucking flips. Do a flip. Like I was underwhelmed by the six flips. Like, if you're gonna make that your thing, I want you flipping like nobody's fucking business. I want at least like double digit flips. Six? That's your whole thing. That's your whole brand.

SPEAKER_04:

Were you like the oldest person there?

SPEAKER_00:

Luckily, with a group that I went with, I wasn't the oldest, but you look around, my god, these are kids. And it's crazy that like every 14 to 16-year-old girl dresses the exact same. And it's just like a brandy, camisole, and jeans. Everyone was in their uniform. I loved it. So I don't like Benson Moon. I love him.

SPEAKER_03:

Have you guys ever been told you have a celebrity look alike?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and it's always like so fucking offensive. I've gotten told Christian Boy Boral Christian Borel Boyle. Christian Borel. Everyone just like always says these people who have like the most dead eyes and like dark eye circles. Yeah, I get it. We all look like we haven't slept in six years. Okay, we were not similar. I got used to get Pete Davidson a lot. Someone said, you look like Pete Davidson if he drank water, which I was thrilled about. But most of them, remember the big tooth actor that I always got told I look like. That shit like stung. And it stung because it looked exactly like me at that age. I literally don't know his name every Ryan Lee. My friends told me I looked like this actor who isn't like super eight. He has buck teeth, the biggest fucking bug eyes ever. Oh, also, Holly the other day was like, we were sitting on the couch and she's like, You have really big eyes.

SPEAKER_04:

I said, Your eyes look big from this angle.

SPEAKER_00:

Baby, look big from every angle. They're bulging out of my head.

SPEAKER_04:

Brett's been doing this bit where we'll ask him a question that like actually needs answered, and he'll just start fake snoring and pretending he's asleep.

SPEAKER_00:

It'll be like about it.

SPEAKER_03:

No, it'll literally be like, what day is blank due for blank company or brand.

SPEAKER_00:

What's up? It's funny. It's timeless, it's hysterical, it's professional, and I like it, and it's fun, and I'm gonna continue to do it when I don't want to answer questions. It's so fun being a Boston and you can just pretend to be asleep when your employees ask you a question. Life hack. You don't have to answer anything you don't feel comfortable answering. So sorry, I'm setting boundaries in the workplace. Yeah, fucking new thing. Yeah, you start setting boundaries and now people have a problem. Yeah, you pretend to be asleep when you don't want to answer when something's due that you're making them do.

SPEAKER_03:

I wanted you to talk about the guy from last weekend who said he looked like Keith Ledger.

SPEAKER_00:

So we had a house party, um, which I the fuck fest, I think I talked about in the last episode where we invited every straight guy we knew for our straight girlfriends to find love. There was this very unique individual who I feel like you can't say what celebrity people have told you you look like unless prompted. Anyways, this guy's self-proclaimed looks like Heath Ledger. Like just because you have longer hair, just because you're a white man with long hair doesn't mean you look like Heath Ledger, and you can't just keep walking around the world thinking you look like Heath Ledger and telling people you think you look like Heath Ledger.

SPEAKER_03:

Also, that's like Heath Ledger. Like, maybe if you're like, oh, I look like Chris Pratt, or oh, I look like Simon Cowell.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you can say you look like Simon Cowell. Heath Ledger, I'm not giving you that. This guy also like like truly it's like, oh, you meet like a white straight guy at a party and he will freestyle for you. And he did. And obviously, like I love like fucking with people. Yeah, I want to hear you freestyle. Yeah, I'll give you a fucking beat. So I was very intoxicated, beatboxing for Heath Ledger while he would uh freestyle that brought me back. So that's what got me out of my depressive episode, which is beatboxing for a guy who thinks he looks like Heath Ledger. That's all it takes. Fuck your antidepressants, fuck therapy, go to a fuck fest and beatbox for a guy who thinks he looks like Heath Ledger, and you'll be fine.

SPEAKER_03:

Wait, you guys, also on twins in the parent trap. If you were separated at birth from your twin, which parent would you want to be with? The posh English woman who is creating wedding dresses, or the hot dad who's a vineyard owner in California.

SPEAKER_00:

Marry the rich posh woman. You don't get a married fuck the vineyard dad.

SPEAKER_04:

I think I would um I think I would choose the mother. Natasha Richardson or Dennis Wade.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, let's do the mom. Fuck it. Mama's boy. Do you think I have mama's boy energy?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

What? Actually?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, because you have this like tough exterior, but I feel like if your mom were here, you would like huddle up into her arms. Sometimes you're like, I just need to call my mom and cry.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I have a gooey inside.

SPEAKER_04:

Like a chocolate.

SPEAKER_00:

And a crunchy outside. Who gives a fuck? Um, yeah, I'll choose the mom.

SPEAKER_04:

I choose mom. I'll be Clark.

SPEAKER_00:

I'll be Clark, so. What's the Nina? Nina, Nina, just vote, just vote, Nina. We saw Strangers 2. I hate when a scary movie is like, oh, you know what we need to do? We need to add lore. We need to add a backstory as to why this character got here. Okay, sure. Sure, I'll hear it out how this person became a killer. Whatever, I don't give a fuck. Spoiler alert, if you're gonna see Strangers 2, which you don't need to, the little girl just like killed one of her classmates as a kid, and now she's just a killer grown up.

SPEAKER_04:

Also, the movie ends with no resolution and it's like chapter three coming soon. What?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, baby, you didn't even wrap up chapter two.

SPEAKER_04:

If you were the sole survivor in a horror movie, how long would it take you to just give up and let them get you?

SPEAKER_00:

I want to say, like, almost immediately. But I'm a fighter. Is that bad? Oh my god. No, but I actually would probably fight for a pretty good bit. But also, like, if I was like, she was just so out in the open. Also, why is it always like, oh, we are in just like the most vast forests ever, but the killers will be able to find you within seconds.

SPEAKER_03:

Or they'll sick a killer boar on you.

SPEAKER_00:

The bad guys just like randomly had a very dangerous aggressive boar on retainer, and there's just one scene where it's like the bad guy just like takes off this huge locked chain from this building, and then that's all we see. And then the next scene is the main girl getting chased by this like 500-pound, very aggressive boar that immediately found her. Also, she like kills it somehow. This girl has gone through so much shit. Like, it's like this is where I'm like, honestly, like as a viewer, I'm even like encouraging her to just get killed. Like, I'm like, I don't care about your life. Honestly, you shouldn't anymore. Your husband just got killed. You're in the hospital. The night after your husband gets killed, the killers come to the hospital, try to kill you. I'm sure she got stabbed a couple times, then she finds some people who we think are safe. She rolls out of the car, gets attacked by a wild boar, gets like stabbed six more times. I also think another thing that's just like so stupid is like in a horror movie where it's just like they just make everyone kind of seem off. Where it's like, oh, I wonder like who the killer's gonna be because everyone seems weird. Anyways, movies are pretty bad for the most part nowadays, but who cares? Who cares? It's something to do. Gets us out of the house, right? Kidding. Y'all, I think that's episode 14. Thank you so much for coming along on this journey to figure out what is the most ideal twin setup. I don't think I actually need a twin. I don't think I have a choice at this point. If I could go back, you know what? Fuck it. No twin. New results in I don't want a twin. Get out of here.

SPEAKER_04:

This episode is like The Strangers Chapter 2. It ends and it's like, okay, well, actually, I just wouldn't.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, yeah, forget everything this whole episode is about. It's just no, I don't want it. Yeah, it was all a fucking dream. I just woke up. Um, I woke up from my recurring nightmare that my fucking twin had. Anyway, I love y'all. Truly. Um, thank you so much for joining for another episode. Join the Facebook group. Submit your am I in the wrong? Submit your weird job. Or just if you have anything weird about you, submit it. I don't know. Vlog freak. There's a vlog coming out tomorrow. Also, again, we are gonna get something up and running for uh those exclusive listeners. Um exclusive right now. You would think it's exclusive. It's not. It's actually open for everyone. Anyone can listen to the podcast. I don't know if you guys knew that. Um, you just have to click the link that I keep posting in the stories. Get in, but I love y'all so much. Um, next week is gonna be a fun one. We're getting into some more spooky shit against my will because my employees love Halloween in a way that I'm not comfortable with, but it's not worth fighting, so I'm just gonna just gonna beat him, not I'm just gonna join him, not beat 'em. Alright, I need to sh I need to like go lay down in a pretty good serious way. But I love y'all. Thank you so much for joining. Eh, uh, uh, hey.