Dialing In with Brett

16. do haunted house actors get complimentary glam??

• Brett Hamilton Productions • Season 1 • Episode 16

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This week on Dialing In with Brett, Brett retells the story of how he adopted his dog, recoils at the thought of morphsuits, and dials in a haunted house actor. 


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SPEAKER_00:

Hi, this is Brett. I was dialing you in because I had a question. I There's no way. Hello? What a dick. Go, go, go. Go, he's coming, he's coming.

unknown:

Oh my god, he is.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god, he is gonna get his hand. Holy shit! Step away from the mic. Y'all look at the set.

SPEAKER_01:

Try not to get scared.

SPEAKER_00:

We're doing um a dialing in with Brett Halloween party. Which we're doing a vlog for that will be out next Friday. And we're planning the party. And Holly and Bailey like care way too much about Halloween and decorations and shit like that. And I'm kind of been like, dude, I don't like okay, yeah, that's sweet, honey. Um, but then one of our friends this weekend was like, Brett, I like actually want it to be like I need you to like make it scary. Like, I want to be scared, I want the house to be unrecognizable inside and out. And she also said she wanted me to be unrecognizable. So now I gave the girls the go-ahead to make this insane. Um, but something obviously none of my friends listen to this podcast, so I can tell. Um, but we were saying we want to get a JBL speaker and hide it in the bathroom, and then like the sound like like once every like four minutes, just someone like um, so we're gonna make it really scary.

SPEAKER_01:

There are cameras in the ceiling right now. Don't let your guard down. He's coming to get you.

SPEAKER_00:

We're also saying to put a sticky note in like my bathroom, like in the uh cabinet that's like so if someone's like looking, it's like snoopers never win. You'll we will put a hex on your family. It's like curiosity killed the cat, and now it's gonna kill your family.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, so Brett's been pretty hesitant about Halloween, holidays, laughter, etc. Um Joy, excitement. And we showed up to work on Monday. He relayed the message that people are expecting this to be the bash of the year, they're saying. Um, and he's like, So I'm giving you full creative freedom. Great, how much can I spend on the MX?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, Bailey also stood up to tell me she was sitting down with like her ideas for the party. She stands up. I'm sitting at like my kitchen counter and she's sitting at like the dining room table. It's like, okay, so here's what I was thinking. I was like, oh wow, okay. So yeah, it's gonna be fucking crazy and scary. And also it just, I think it we were like, oh my god, it'd be fun to do like a little like dialing in like office party. But now it's seeming to be like this is like the Halloween party of the year of the fucking year that my friend group is going to, because we're going to Vegas the next weekend. Um, so yeah, we have to make it good.

SPEAKER_01:

You know what we should do is well, this is psychopathic, but if you really want it to be scary and you really want to see who your friends are, okay who listens to the podcast is we cite things that you talked about on the podcast. For example, we place a dead body type of thing at the bottom of the pool, and there's like a test, and it's like an episode whatever, Brett references his time as a lifeguard, and his fears were blank. And if they can't answer that, then something terrible happens.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, so is it like a scavenger hunt?

SPEAKER_01:

It's kind of like trivia, but like there are things that are referencing.

SPEAKER_04:

Why are you like entering a John Kramer era? Holly's literally from Saw, the master play in Saw. Holly's literally like.

SPEAKER_00:

His name's Jim Kramer.

SPEAKER_04:

John. Everybody knows that.

SPEAKER_00:

You name dropping, okay. This is so insane. Holly and Bailey. I want to make a fucking video based off you. Sorry, everything's content. Fuck, I have content brain. Fuck. Um, but of like, you guys always will say like the most niche people. They will name drop like first and last actor name of like someone who had a cameo in iCarly once. And I'm like, you guys like understand like that you're not normal for that's not like everybody knows John Kramer. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04:

No, I like I'm being very bearish.

SPEAKER_00:

I would have assumed if you said you know John Kramer, I'd be like, yeah, I like grew up next to him. That's my next door neighbor in Iowa. That's like I wouldn't not be like, oh, he's the um the motherfucking uh that doll from That's Jigsaw. Who's John Kramer?

SPEAKER_04:

John Kramer, yeah, Jigsaw is just a doll who comes in on his little tricycle.

SPEAKER_00:

Who's John Kramer then?

SPEAKER_04:

So here's the thing he collects people who like do bad things, puts them in a room, and literally is like, okay, if you can't like So he's John Kramer is Jigsaw's like business partner.

SPEAKER_01:

Well he's he is kind of the brains behind Jigsaw. He uses Jigsaw as a means of delivering what the punishment will be.

SPEAKER_04:

And the punishment will literally be like, you have to insert this device into your brain, give me um a cup of bone marrow, and then you make it to the next round.

SPEAKER_00:

The scariest part about all of this is you knowing who John Kramer is.

SPEAKER_01:

Do you think that some Halloween decorations take it too far? Yes, all because why is there a bloody pig head hanging across the street from me? I mean it's fake, but it's like, okay, couldn't you just get a skeleton or yeah?

SPEAKER_00:

No, I mean like the dead body things are like crazy. But that being said, are we are we wrapping fake dead body bags to put on my front porch? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

What would you do if you had a crush on someone and you went over to their place and they had a severed pig head hanging from their balcony?

SPEAKER_00:

I'd just be like, why do you have that?

SPEAKER_04:

That shows that they're passionate about something and took the care to decorate for a very, very fun holiday.

SPEAKER_00:

Something I do want to talk about. It's my baby's one year today. Rita turns one year fucking young today. And she's been zero. We've been making a ton of jokes about her being zero, which, like honestly, that's so insane to me. The fact it's like when you turn one, it's like you've already lived a full year. So I'm 28. I've lived 28 years on this fucking planet. I don't like the extra like added one. That doesn't sit well with me. Yeah. Um, but yeah, she's one. I also don't think I've ever told the story about how I got Rita. Tell it. And it was because I was afraid that I actually stole Rita from someone because my mom, like, actually and dad convinced me that I did. Anyway, it was January, y'all, and our city was on fire. Um, and so I went to the shelter, you know, to maybe foster and or maybe adopt a dog. And I've been wanting to get a doch in for a long time, but I also am like, I feel bad just like buying a dog because it's like there are the dogs at the shelter who need to be it, but I'm I like really wanted a doch in. Anyways, I go to the shelter, meet this pit bull mix, sobbing over it, sobbing. I couldn't get the dog for three weeks, and like my friends like, Brad, like it's okay, like we can come back. And I'm like, no, just like even like imaginate being here for one more night is like breaking my heart.

SPEAKER_01:

And is that just a mandatory hold that they put on the dogs?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, because the dog like just got there, and so it needed to get like whatever its fixins and shit, um, the works, and so then I leave I um and walking in is this gentleman holding at the time in the shelter. Yeah, Bella. And so I'm like, oh my god, it was a Dachshund mix from what I could observe. I was like, oh my god, that looks so cute. And the gentleman turned to me and said, Tu curies. Come again, kidding. I actually knew enough Spanish that he was a Hispanic gentleman, he did not speak any English, which was fine because my friend Kat was there to like loosely translate. Um, so I said, yo quiero, Quiro, um meaning I want. Tu cuires means do you want? By the way. Um, and so then we were kind of like exchanging a little bit of information. She was about three months old, um, didn't have her vaccines. Great. Shook the guy's hand and walked out with Rita in the shelter part with but Bella, soon to be Rita.

SPEAKER_01:

How long did it take you to name her?

SPEAKER_00:

Almost immediately.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

So oh, but then my parents were like, so this guy was just dropping her off because he's like, I can't take care of her anymore. And then my parents were like, mm-mm, no, like that's that's someone's dog. And I was like, I don't think so. And they're like, no, there's no way that someone that cute that a dog that cute is getting dropped off at the shelter. Like there's something. I was like, well, what it like, I don't think also he like gave it to us for free. Also, he's dropping off at a shelter where I feel like is like the most humane place to drop off a dog, and then like there's a chip in her. Someone's looking for her, someone's fucking looking for her. And then my parents were my mom was like, I wouldn't post about her really at all because it's like someone's gonna, and so then I took her to the doctor to get her shots. Like, you find the chip. It's like, no, there's like not a chip. Anyway, so I was afraid that like Brita would get taken away from me. But she did it. She's free, she was free 99. She also spent zero nights in the in the clinker. So, like, this girl don't don't know how good she had it. No, she really is like the most perfect dog ever, and like it's crazy because like I'm like, man, she drives me to drink. Um, but also like she is like the easiest, most well-behaved dog ever. So I'm like, can you imagine if I had like an actual like a dog that acts like a puppy?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, Brett came out of his room this morning and goes, I think I could father one child. I think I could be a single dad if I just had one daughter and Rita.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I think I could be a single father. I don't know how again I would create a child by myself, but I would find a way or I would adopt. Um, anyway. Yeah, so I'm gonna have a kid. Got nothing else going on. So I say that, or it's like you guys like watch Rita whenever I'm like out of town. It's like, do you mind watching my daughter too?

SPEAKER_04:

What are your predictions for this year's it Halloween costumes?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, last year a lot of groups of people did like pop stars. Yeah, and Wicked was really popular last year too. Do you think a lot of people will dress like dialing in with Brett, like wear a tie and like a microphone?

SPEAKER_00:

Probably that would be like one of the most popular costumes. I'm trying to think, let me just get all everything I need to say about like costumes out of the world. Oh yeah, do I love like a funny costume moment, but you need to be like pretty discreet about it. Because it's like if you are doing a funny costume, then you can't have the mentality that it's like oh my god, pussy in your story. Because it's like when people do that, it's like I know you're just doing this because you think you're hysterical. Do it because you want to be doing it. Like if your whole thing's like, oh my god, I'm the No, I didn't I didn't want to look hot, I want to look funny. Now you're pissing me off. If you are a girl and you wear a bald cap for Halloween, that's hysterical. Just be just be normal about it, just be normal about it. Like, don't be doing that just to get posted on a story. Thanks. Just in general, honestly. Don't just like act, don't you?

SPEAKER_01:

Don't be story farming this Halloween.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. No story farming, please. I can I can smell it out. We can we know it when we see it.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm trying to think of like iconic moments in pop culture from this year that would really be.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't need to see any more Harley Quinn and The Joker. I love that one. I know, but it's like we've like I love when lesbians do it. Lesbians, you can still do it. Lesbians, you have one more year. Straights, we're done. Like, I I get it, I get it sexy, it works. Again, lesbians, this is your big last blowout. Let's do it up, let's do it good. Straights, we had our time.

SPEAKER_01:

Um what if you like were in any sort of relationship?

SPEAKER_00:

What the fuck? Okay, so like even if you were like even remotely close to potentially being in a relationship, I know it's hard to imagine. What do you think? Again, completely hypothetical because it's not even anywhere like remote, it's not even remotely true.

SPEAKER_01:

Who and what would your costume be? Couples costume. What would yours be? Harley Quinn and the Joker.

SPEAKER_00:

She's actually always you better be going lesbian this year. If you were ever interested in girls, now's your chance to explore that because you got one more year to do that. But if you're continuing to be straight, baby, let that let that dream die. I don't know why. Like, I'm always like, if someone does the Flintstones, I'm like, yeah, I like that. Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I do like my brother did Austin Powers, and I can't remember if his girlfriend did like the I actually told someone to be this like you know from Austin Powers, the girls who have like the point the tits that shoot.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, um Kendall Jenner did that.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, nice. Nice, Kendall. Fred Flintstone. Yeah. I could be like Jimmy Neutron. I have long enough hair. You would get away. Oh wait, also I already know what I'm being. I would get away.

SPEAKER_01:

Give an Easter egg.

SPEAKER_00:

Um is that a test tube in your pocket, or are you just excited to see me?

SPEAKER_05:

Ooh.

SPEAKER_00:

Ooh, is this illegal? Y'all, we are dialing in a haunted house employee. Is she still active or no? No. A non-active, an inactive haunted house employee. I think haunted houses are so interesting. I also think working at a haunted house is so bizarre because it's like I feel like half of like half of them are just like, I just need I'm in high school, I just like need a job, which I'm like, yeah, that would be like a great high school job. I was doing I was working a lifeguard, I was working as a lifeguard having panic attacks, as y'all know. Like I should have just done that, done something easy, like being a haunted house employee. But I also am like, I think there's some people who I'm like, you enjoy this a little too much, where I'm like, why do you enjoy scaring the shit out of kids like that much? Like that feels like we're bordering like a mental illness. But then some people are just like, fuck it, need a job so I can go to Chili's with my friends on the weekend. That's crazy. Like, that's just like what working in high school is like. It's like, okay, I'm just gonna work enough that I can like comp out my Buffalo Wild Wings after the football game. Damn, now we gotta pay taxes. Now we gotta fucking okay, anyways. Also, like break rooms, like where were y'all like, did you have to show up costume ready, hair and makeup done? Some of them have like pretty insane cut, like almost prosthetics. Do y'all have hair and makeup there touching you up? I'm sure like you got like hit. I don't know. Anyways, wask ask her, not me. Ask, I've been obsessed with I love the like mom who makes their kid give their order to the server. Ask him, tell him, tell him, not me. And then the server's like, I don't I don't okay. Anyway, haunted house employee. Hello, Regan. Hi look, I'm scaring you now. Kidding. Hi, how are you?

unknown:

Good, how are you?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh I'm great. I'm great. I'm really excited to talk to you today. Wow, you just have have so much experience. I think working at a haunted house like is like the coolest but also the most interesting thing anyone could ever do.

unknown:

Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

How many years did he work at? Oh, yeah, sorry. Sorry, I'm just like being sweet as hell right now. How long did he work at the haunted house?

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, so I actually only worked there for one season.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's more than that.

SPEAKER_02:

It was 10 years ago. So um I'm gonna answer your questions as best as I can, but just keep that in mind.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, if you don't remember, you can just make shit up.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00:

Perfect. Um, so what was it like? What was your setup like? How many houses did you have? How many attractions?

SPEAKER_02:

But it was like a bunch of trailers all connected together, and it was kind of like indoor-outdoor. People went through like all the connected trailers, but they'd be going outside sometimes, and uh we would as workers, we would like show up, get our makeup done, and get our assignment. Um, it would be like a different thing every night. So but usually I was put into like the infirmary or like the the jail, or like I was like a I feel like why is that monster?

SPEAKER_00:

I feel like all haunted houses like are like, okay, we can do like hospital or like prison. I'm like, I would love to see something, I would love to see like an office place. Like I think we're really limited to just those two. I was like, let's do something unique for once.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, let's mix it up.

SPEAKER_00:

But yeah, no, I would love them to do more realistic, yeah, like a grocery store and just like your shopping and holy shit. Um, did you dress up as the same character every single time? Did you have like your go-to, or were you?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, it would depend like where they assigned me, but uh yeah, they would just give me the costume. So usually I was like a patient who's like got like blood all over her face and wearing like a bloody hostile gown.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

Um just like screaming as people walk through.

SPEAKER_00:

Would they give you like a script, or is it just like, you know, honestly, just like do your thing? Just win.

unknown:

Just wait.

SPEAKER_00:

Did you have like your lines, like your catch, like famous catchphrases that you'd always go back to?

SPEAKER_02:

Mine would be mine would be like, oh my head hurts, my head hurts. Or if I was like the victim in the cage of like, he's coming, let me out, he's coming.

SPEAKER_00:

And you're just banging on the wall, screaming.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you think you were good at it?

unknown:

No.

SPEAKER_00:

I hate when you're holding yourself like that. Yes, you you were perfect.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, thank you. I think I got like they would put me in the easy jobs or it's like just screaming and repeating the same things over again. There were there were other people who like actually didn't have lines and they were like actually talking to the people and interacting with them, and that is so not me.

SPEAKER_00:

Um what would like, but they were still in character?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, they were so in character. They were like the doctor or the the Frankenstein monster, and they were like actually like performing. Um but yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You were performing too. It's it's all art.

SPEAKER_02:

It's all art, yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Were there people with chains chainsaws, or like what was yours' scariest tool?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh um scariest tool? Yeah. Um oh there was there's this one part that um and I never worked in like the specific part of it, but where you go through like this long like space and you're on like a a railroad track and it sounds like like someone's holding a train horn behind you, but it sounds like like a train's coming behind you, but you're in this like very narrow like space, like walking on the railroad track. Um and it's like a huge light behind you. I thought that was the scariest.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it sounds like some like psychological warfare. That's not even like that's like holy shit, life flashing in front of your eyes.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, for real.

SPEAKER_00:

Were you ever scared or no? Or is it you're just a scarer?

SPEAKER_02:

No. No, I think being the scarer, like kind of I wouldn't say it like ruins haunted houses for you, but it kind of just shows you that like you know how the sausage is made. Because every time I went to a haunted house after that, that like wasn't my haunted house. I'd be like, oh not your home base. These are these are my peers. Yeah, like I know what you guys are doing.

SPEAKER_00:

Did y'all have like a break room?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, no, because it was just once you were once you're on, you're you're there till the end of the night.

SPEAKER_00:

So are you just like doing yelling the same shit? Like my head hurts, my head hurts for like six hours straight.

SPEAKER_02:

No, literally, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I feel like I would go like genuinely first of all, start believing my head hurt. Second of all, like probably go insane.

SPEAKER_02:

No, literally. It was like really long nights for like very little pay.

SPEAKER_00:

What was the coworker situation like? Like, were most people around your age, or like what age were most people, slash were there, were they normal?

SPEAKER_02:

Or so uh I was 19 when I did this, and I think uh me and I did it with my boyfriend, he was my age too. I think we were like one of the oldest people there. Everyone else there was like high school theater kids.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, of course. That's crazy. You're the oldest there and you're 19. I mean, honestly, I would rather have like kids doing that than like a 47-year-old man because it's like genuinely like this is you aren't even here for the money, this is something darker. Were there any people there who were like you enjoy doing this a little too much? Where it's like maybe we'll pull aside our supervisor, be like, hey, let's just get like eyes on this person just in case. Or were most people just like, haha, this is funny. Well, I guess if they're theater kids are probably just like sh'ing around, like Yeah, honestly.

SPEAKER_02:

They were I mean, they're professional a lot of them are very professional for for their jobs, they don't you know take it too seriously because they were kids, but they were also just having so much fun with it. Um yeah, I yeah, there wasn't any anything like that at mine, but I can see if there was like somewhere else.

SPEAKER_00:

Um could you touch the patrons slash? Did they ever touch you? You didn't know that. You grab one grab a kit or something, or what?

SPEAKER_02:

The first day, the very first day, I got put in the room like all by myself, and I was just like, oh, what the fuck do I do? What am I doing here? Um put it in your mouth, Nelson.

SPEAKER_00:

Get in.

SPEAKER_02:

I only like did it to like impress the guy that I was.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02:

I know, and then I got separated from him and I'm like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_00:

Like, damn, now I just like have to work a haunted house. Like I didn't actually want to do this.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, no, literally. Um, I thought I was gonna do it with him, but I got put in a different room. And um she was all like, Okay, do you have any questions? Like, am I supposed to touch that? And she's like, Oh no, God, no, don't touch that. Wait, did they clear that up?

SPEAKER_00:

Did they train you? Like, was was there any training?

SPEAKER_02:

No, they just put my makeup on and put me in costume and threw me in there.

SPEAKER_00:

That's it. And they're like, oh, someone else is gonna join you in this room in a little bit.

unknown:

They're running late.

SPEAKER_00:

But oh my god. Hey, sorry, someone comes in like the most terrifying out. Sorry, yeah. Like I had this whole thing, my mom like was dropping me off. It was just like crazy. Uh she had to drop off my little brother, too. Uh, anyways, my fucking head. Like, I wish TikTok was around at that time because I'm just imagining it's like I I got the same job as my boyfriend to like hang out with him, and then now you're just like a an outpatient in an asylum at a haunted house. Like, I've done a lot more for a lot less, but like that's funny. That shit's hysterical. Did you get like paid well at least for no? Okay, great.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so there's that. Um, no, it was like so. Like I said, it was like six plus hour days. I think even longer than that. Like we would probably arrive there like four or four thirty to like get our makeup done and stuff, and then we'd be there till like midnight, one a.m. and it was like twenty-five dollars a night, thirty dollars if it was on a weekend. And then we wouldn't get paid till the very end of the season.

SPEAKER_00:

What?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

That is so insane. If I go to haunted house now, I'm just like, I'm not even gonna be scared. I'm just like, I'm sorry that they're making you like do this for like that's that's upsetting. The really scary thing is the is the how little they're paid. I know, I know.

SPEAKER_02:

But if you remember it's like mostly high school students, so they're probably just probably just thrilled to be getting anything at all.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. What was like the best part of the job, if any?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, okay, actually what was really fun was uh we would we would uh at the end of the night we would like go to Walmart or something after like still on our full makeup and costume and just kind of like creepy wild.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I mean you might as well.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, might as well. I like we got our makeup done, we want to make the most of it.

SPEAKER_00:

But how long would that take, like getting your makeup done and getting into costume, etc.?

SPEAKER_02:

Um probably only about like 20 minutes, but there were only like three makeup artists and they had to do everyone, so we'd have to kind of like wait in line, wait our turn.

SPEAKER_00:

They really you put up with a lot for this guy. Are you still with him or no?

SPEAKER_02:

No, but we were together for a really long time. We were together for six years. After Yeah, that was like the very beginning of our relationship.

SPEAKER_00:

Would you like lose your voice because you were just like, okay. There sounds like a lot of like perks of this job. You're convincing me.

SPEAKER_02:

For a perk, we also did get like free tickets to like share with our friends, which is nice because haunted houses are expensive these days.

SPEAKER_00:

Wait, so would your friends come and visit while you were doing it?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, sometimes. Actually, another thing that was really fun would be like people would some of the other workers would like pop into our room and be like, hey, my friends are here, their names are so make make sure you say their names when they come through. And that would be so they would get so freaked out because we knew.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow. See, like now that that makes it all worth it. Yeah. Wait, when your friends would come in, did they know where you would be? Or would they be like, hey, when they came in the room, or were you like, I'm gonna scare you shitless?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, we couldn't break character at all.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Would it ever be slow and then you're just like standing there, like and can you like can you talk to the other actors? I guess like if it is really slow, or are they like they don't want you to?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah, we yeah, we were talking a lot.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm imagining you chopping it up again in full costume. It's like, do you have any fun weekend plans?

unknown:

No, literally.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh god, I'm so hungry. I can't believe like this just like really sounds with love, like horrible start to finish. Like you just had to get there early, get a ton of makeup done. But like, I'm glad your friends gotta get in for free. You were getting like paid next to nothing. Yeah. Was there a butcher's room at your guys' haunted house?

SPEAKER_02:

The room where I was like the victim in the cage.

SPEAKER_00:

Um just oh wait, so the room where I was, yeah, the victim in the cage, um, blood dripping down my neck was stabbed. Um that was wait, so which what which room was that now?

SPEAKER_02:

You were in a cage and that was the Frankenswine and Frankenswine's victim room.

SPEAKER_00:

So it was like Frank and Swine Frank, yeah, like okay, that's okay, that's funny. That's funny.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, so my boyfriend would actually play that character, and he would run at them like with a crowbar while I was in the cage, like clanking the crowbar on the bars of the cage. And people would say that that was like the scariest part, and they would ask to leave like right after that. Like, we're not even like halfway through the house, and people would be like, Hey, like, we got our money's worth, we want to go.

SPEAKER_00:

Aw, you guys like worked so well together, though. It's like, holy shit, people are like wanting to like literally leave because of how good we are at our jobs. You bring out the best in each other, truly. Him with the crowbar, you in a cage. Wow. Hey, if I had a dollar, kidding. Well, thank you so much. It was so nice meeting you. And maybe next season we we go back just for one more season. Alright, well, it was great talking to you.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, great talking to you.

SPEAKER_00:

All right, talk soon. Love you. Bye.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, love you, bye.

SPEAKER_00:

Aww, she's sweet. Yeah, I'm not gonna like get over Frank and Swine for a pretty good bit. I should have asked what their haunted house name was. There's only like three names you can call like a haunted house. Like Sleepy Hollows. I'm gonna be Frank and Swine for a house.

SPEAKER_01:

I think I would get the ick if my boyfriend was like chasing people with a crowbar.

SPEAKER_00:

But it's like she was there for him, which I think is sweet.

SPEAKER_01:

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_00:

Like that shit's so funny to me, where it's like I only threw this party for you, and now again, I am like a fucking patient screaming, running around, like, and we're not even together. It's like, hey, I'll see you at 12 30 tonight.

SPEAKER_01:

I'll pick you up for our shift.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you want hey, meet near the clown asylum swine flu?

SPEAKER_01:

It would probably. Be fun showing up every night, and you don't know where you're gonna be put or what your role is going to be. And I wonder if you got paid more if you were the type of person that had to interact with the main character.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Main character energy. You're Frankenstein. I'm Shift's supervisor too.

SPEAKER_01:

You always gotta be Frankenstein.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I literally like I've been the fucking patient for the last like three weeks. Like you said when I you hired me on, I could do Frankenstein at least once a we like.

SPEAKER_04:

Have you guys seen the girl episode where the new girl episode where she or Jess is working in a haunted house and she's having boy troubles, and so it's between scares, so she's in there and someone's like zombie? They don't even know each other's first names. They're like, Well, mommy made a good point.

SPEAKER_00:

And no, that's how I deadass like imagine like them being like during the slow moments. They're like, I don't know, it's just like frustrating because it's just like, why are you texting me this if like you're not gonna hang out with me? I'm gonna beat the fucking shit off. No, it's just like I don't know. It just like now I feel like stupid. Ah, I'm gonna like screaming at the children.

SPEAKER_04:

We should do it. We should pick up a shift.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Do you think they'll let us do a one-off?

SPEAKER_04:

I'm sure you could get hired and then just go to one shift and quiet quit.

SPEAKER_00:

This is a They don't train you, so we don't even do that.

SPEAKER_01:

I was gonna say this is a common thing with jobs, especially I feel like kind of more minimum wage jobs like that, where you're like, okay, it's maybe your first job. I'm nervous, but they're obviously gonna tell me everything. They just throw you into a room and they're like, okay, now scare them.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. And it's I feel like it's the jobs where it's like, okay, like I don't just assume I know when I'm like scaring the shit. Like I'm working in a haunted house. Like, yeah, I've been to a haunted house before, but like I need like some direction. Like, you'll figure it out.

SPEAKER_01:

It seems like there should be a mass orientation where they're like, okay, like here are the We're doing a walkthrough of all of the right.

SPEAKER_04:

And like, here's what you do if a patron tries to grab you, or if someone faints due to the flashing lights.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, we have to get like CPR AED certified for fucking everything. Like, I feel like these people should actually they should have an AED. Do you know where your AED is? I'm going in a haunted house next time. No, stop the shit. Where's your AED? Because this is a safety. This is a safety issue now. Do you even know where it is? If I right now went down, if you scared me so bad I went down, where would an AED be? Do you have an emergency action plan? I'm sure you don't.

SPEAKER_04:

For haunted experiences, what would scare you more? A haunted hayride, a haunted forest, or a haunted house?

SPEAKER_00:

The more open, the scarier. Like in a haunted house, it's like, okay, if you go in the middle, you're set for life. Because it's like if someone comes up behind, like this bitch is getting it in front, like I'm completely haunted, haunted corn maze? No.

SPEAKER_01:

Don't you also feel like a haunted forest? Like, don't you feel like a creep could just like come in and like do their thing?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

But like they're not an employee.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, that's how I feel about just like people who are really in a haunted house. It's a it like working a haunted house and they're really into it. It's like, hey, hey, hey, pervert, you are enjoying this a little bit too much. You're making kids cry, and we can write it off for being spooky. No, you're a fucking pedophile.

SPEAKER_01:

What character would you want to play?

SPEAKER_00:

Like an insane one. Like But I'm not doing love breaking the pieces. I'm not doing a little my head. Oh, my head hurt. No. I'm doing the yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

He's coming. He's coming. Keep it moving. There's no time. There's no time. There's no time.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, like a full improv. Yeah. Like I would want some creative freedom, I think.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I do.

SPEAKER_01:

Would you guys want your makeup to be?

SPEAKER_00:

Full drag. Don't do full drag. So full beat, full face, extensions, um, red eye. No, the white eye.

SPEAKER_04:

I would want to be one of those like clowns that's like bent in half and crawling after you.

SPEAKER_01:

I would want to be unrecognizable so that I could like. Because what do you do if you're like?

SPEAKER_00:

They're not just gonna put you in like a claw clip. Like you're going to be unrecognizable. I just like ugh. I just hydroflasking claw clip, but it's like they keep keep you in your Lulu-a-line leggings and they just put you in a claw clip and like a scary shirt. But like black and orange colorway, so it's Halloween themed.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what I what if you get there and all the costumes have already been taken and they're like, you just have to go in. But imagine your crush comes through your haunted house.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I'm trying to. I get that, but I also just like as like a 20s. I'm really trying to take myself back to like being 16.

SPEAKER_04:

To be honest, in a haunted house, I don't think you're really clocking people's appearances.

SPEAKER_00:

Wait, Holly? Wait. You just have like a pat pair of like glasses on Holly? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04:

What were those like suits people would wear that was completely sh- No, they were shaggy. They were like shaggy suits. Okay, never mind.

SPEAKER_00:

Also, could we talk about morph suits? Ew, literally, like your eighth grade teacher's junk in a green morph suit at an at a school function. And then I know I've already said this too, but like, and then they wear basketball shorts, which like protects their junk, but I'm like, somehow this feels like even grosser.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, because it's like you woke up, put the morph suit on, clocked that your junk was put on your basketball.

SPEAKER_00:

It's also it reminds me of that picture, you know, that I showed you guys of that dog that's like perched up and it's like men in their 30s wearing skinny jeans. It's always like a man built like that with like a little bit of a gut and like a concave ass wearing a green morse suit. Anyway, uh something I hate about haunted houses is like when you have to go through a crawl space, no.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00:

That's fucking insane. I like get so claustrophobic, and it's like, hey, we're gonna make you and eight people crawl through this crawl space at the same time while someone's behind you with a chainsaw. Also, we're banging the shit out of the side of the crawl space. Also, it's pitch black. Also, there's strobe lights, and there's a clown waiting for you with a knife at the end. Like, that's I'm like, I could do all of this standing. I could have, I could just, I'll do this, but standing up, like I hate like getting on I hate getting on my knees in general. My knees hurt. Now I'm crazy.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't think that's true.

SPEAKER_00:

I like it. Low hanging fruit. Low hanging fruit. She's like, that's fruit of a poison tree.

SPEAKER_05:

That's fruit of the poison.

SPEAKER_00:

Whenever I have to do a self-tape, there's always like at least three lines that are so fucking horrible. And then we always just quote them for the foreseeable future. And there is one, it's that's fruit, that's fruit of a poison tree, bro. I either get like roles like that, or it's like, yes, queen, eat that up, bitch. Diva down bitch. Diva down bitch. Um, I said this in the vlog, which none of y'all watch, so it doesn't matter. I'll just say it again. Um, but I always get the gayest self-tapes ever, which is like completely fine because I like men, but I'm like, y'all are making it me feel like I'm like shaw shaying all day sleigh gay. Shawshay. Um, and there was one I got recently where it didn't only have one Yoss Queen, but two Yoss Queens.

SPEAKER_01:

Within like three pages.

SPEAKER_00:

Which it within three pages, and one is after someone jumps over the edge of a bridge trying to kill themselves, and then they get caught by the net, and I yell, Yoss Queen.

SPEAKER_04:

Do you guys know those swirls where it's like there's strobe bites happening and then it's like a black and white swirl pattern. So you walked into the room.

SPEAKER_00:

Is it where it's like a a bridge and then the rest of the room?

SPEAKER_04:

Yes, the bridge starts moving, but you're in like a swirled pattern room. The bridge is moving.

SPEAKER_00:

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04:

A clown, a killer clown walks in.

SPEAKER_00:

The bridge is actually not moving, but it's the rest of the thing moving. The swirl, even the swirl room.

SPEAKER_04:

Something's moving, whether it be the room or the bridge.

SPEAKER_00:

But something. Um, yeah, no, those are like fucking insane because then also like you're discombobulated for like two minutes after, and again, there's a fucking clown waiting for you at the end of the clown.

SPEAKER_03:

The clown always seemed to be like six eight. Right. And it's like, how did you find somebody?

SPEAKER_04:

Right. Like we've got a linebacker as clown.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_04:

No, it was always like very scary. Oh my god, would you guys ever um do those haunted houses where if you make it through, you get like a thousand dollars?

unknown:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

Because can't they literally like pick you up and like throw you a head into a wall? Yes, and there's like live rats crawling over you and stuff.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you guys think you'd be good at fear factor?

SPEAKER_04:

No, absolutely not.

unknown:

Do you?

SPEAKER_04:

Next.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, I would like to say so, but then it's like, oh, you're gonna get in a bath filled with snakes. No, I'm not. There are so many insane ones where it's like, okay, so here's what you're gonna say. Here's what we're gonna know. We're gonna take this car, we're gonna drive it into a pool. You are gonna have like four seat belts on. There's gonna be a key strapped to the back seat that you can't get because you have four seat belts on. Also, the water will still be coming into the car. Um, and so you have to get the key from the trunk. We just actually moved it, it's it's in the trunk now because the water pushed it to the trunk. Grab the key, unlock four different things. Actually, there's four keys. Four keys, four locks, and then you have to break open.

SPEAKER_01:

It's actually a fifth key that doesn't work on any of the locks.

SPEAKER_00:

And then once you crack, you have to bang out of the car. Then there's a seventh key at the bottom of the pool that you have to get.

SPEAKER_01:

It's like you will win one thousand dollars.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and you have to do that under a minute, or you're gonna die. Alright. You know it. You love it. Am I in the wrong? I 30F am married with two kids. My husband and I decided to sell our home and upgrade to a bigger one. Good for you. His coworker was selling his house and thought we might be interested, so we went over for a dinner to get a good look at the home. It checked all of our boxes, and we have now been living at the home for several months. Congrats! Everything has been going super well, good. However, I recently ran into the coworker's wife at the supermarket and we were chatting about the house. I mentioned that I'm starting to decorate for Halloween, and she said that the spooky decorations will make the ghosts feel at home. Weird shit to say. I was confused and asked her what she meant. She said she said she and her kids had weird experiences, bad nightmares, doors slamming, other weird noises, creepy auras in the house that they thought it was haunted. She was confused as she assumed my husband had mentioned that to me before preaching the home. My husband never thought to mention it, dumbass. I confronted him and he said he didn't tell me because one, his coworker said he'd never experienced anything, so it was just the wife and kids. Two, he knew I would get irrational and be scared, even though the house is perfect for us. And three, ghosts aren't real. I'm infuriated that he would let us buy this house without telling me. I now feel scared in my own home. I don't feel safe here at night anymore, and every noise puts me on edge. I told our children about it so they would be aware, but my husband got mad at me for scaring them. He says I have no right to be mad and throw our family into turmoil over this. I know we had different beliefs in ghosts, but I feel like it's unforgivable that he put us into the situation. Am I in the wrong? Spoo. First of all, like how many straight men we got watching this? Kidding. Um it just like a man just like pissed me off where it's just like, oh yeah, I didn't tell you. What do you fucking mean? Like, tell me just err on the side of telling me everything. I don't really like believe in ghosts, but also, yeah, that would kind of like be unsettling to know. I also was looking at buying a house, and there was maybe oh, then the woman died there. Oh yeah, that's what it was. Like, what happened? Oh yeah, the woman was murdered. Kidding. She was, yeah, she died there.

SPEAKER_04:

She passed peacefully in her sleep.

SPEAKER_00:

She passed peacefully in her sleep. In her sleep. So they say. And the lady was like, Isn't that how we'd all want to go, anyways? The realtor. I mean, isn't that like, okay, yeah, that's life, you know?

SPEAKER_04:

She died happy, so I didn't know you didn't believe in ghosts.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, like, I don't not believe in ghosts. I don't know. I mean, like, I oh, there was that lady who told me that there was two presence. Presence? Two men. Two men. Two presences living in my house, which I'm like, again, like, don't really like give a fuck about. Two men, supposedly, like a dad and a son. Aww, wait, why and then me and Rita. Blended family. His mine and ours. So yeah, we make it work. It's not traditional, but it's I like it. It's like I like it. No, but I I feel like I believe in presences. Okay. I also like really don't fuck with demons. Like in scary movies, I can do like, oh, I I'm gonna break into your house and chain you up and like cut off all your fingers. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

John Kramer be like.

SPEAKER_00:

John Kramer ass shit. Um, but like paranormal activity, no. Like that shit, like messed with me as a kid.

SPEAKER_01:

That's in that's interesting that you say you don't believe, yet it's a thing that you fear the most.

SPEAKER_00:

If you don't believe, you won't receive. That's what they say about Santa, but I'm gonna use that for demons, because I don't believe the demons, so I'm not gonna receive the demons. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_04:

I don't think demons really like care if you don't believe.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but then if it's like if someone didn't believe in me, I'd be like, damn it.

SPEAKER_01:

So what should this woman do? Should she pick a fight, divorce her husband?

SPEAKER_00:

Again, I'm pissed for her about just like, why the fuck didn't you tell me? Like, again, err on the side of letting me letting a bitch know everything. Um, I it is like crazy she told her kids because I'm like, Shadow the kids should know. It's like, I don't well, I don't even know if they need to know right now. Um, but I mean, has she said she hasn't experienced anything yet, has she?

SPEAKER_04:

No. Can I chime in?

SPEAKER_00:

Sure.

SPEAKER_04:

I think she's in the wrong.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god, you hate women. I love that. I also am just like, they should be aware. It's like, oh no, if don't worry, if you hear a noise, just know it's like a demon. Right. Just like, I'm sorry, just give me some peace of mind. That is a ghost. Like, if you hear something under your bed, baby, that's real. You're not imagining it. That is real life. There is something under your bed that's that might be trying to kill you. And I just need to tell you, I just need to let you know that. Um, just you're aware, be mindful, and um, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

But I do think the husband's a dumbass for not like saying it.

SPEAKER_01:

And if he did this, then I'm sure he's had many other things in their marriage that have been similar. He's cheating, but also buying a house is like a really big commitment. Right.

SPEAKER_00:

No, that's what I'd be like so pissed because I'm like, okay, wait, do we have to like fucking move?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Everyone's in the wrong. How long would y'all stay in the house if it was like seemingly haunted?

SPEAKER_01:

Like, like in the conjuring, like 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01:

I always am like, just leave.

SPEAKER_00:

I also don't get the like, why can't we just like go to a hotel for a week? Because I'm like, I get the like whole like, okay, I don't want to just like abandon our house and just like immediately move. Let's just do a trip. Like, why is that never fucking an option where like no, there's never a talk of like I just booked a Marriott down the street, we're just gonna stay there for two nights, there's a continental breakfast.

SPEAKER_01:

I think we can just like the home is always massive, like probably 700k. I'm like, I don't think it's that you can't afford well.

SPEAKER_00:

It's also like 700k, but like both the parents don't work. Or it's like one of them's like an artist that doesn't like it's like how did y'all like bag this seven-bedroom estate?

SPEAKER_01:

And did you see that Matt Reif purchased the conjuring house?

SPEAKER_00:

I like I hope something works. Um, okay, I gotta make a call here. Jesus. Honestly, I I think the husband is still in the wrong because I'm like, this still should have just been a conversation. Like the fact that it's like moving into a new house is a big deal, and it's like that's fucking crazy. We just sold our last house and moved into this, and you were just sitting on this information you didn't tell me. The woman should not have told the kids. I don't know why that was no, they deserved to know. Baby, you were just like validating every like fear that they have in a way that is not helpful. You could just even lie until you figure out what the fuck is going on. Also, like honestly, the door slamming that would scare the fuck out of me. Creepy aura. Me. That ass me. Um yeah, I'm gonna call the husband. And I'll I'll I'll talk to the wife too. I don't fucking care. They're all at the house. Yeah. With the demons. Hey, can I talk to the the ghost? Hi, baby. Who do I got here? You're the M? Hi, nice to meet you. Um, I just wanted to call and say that you are in the wrong. I know. Why did you keep that to yourself? You didn't want to tell her. What else are you not telling her? You're cheating, aren't you? Fucking me when I don't trust you. Um, can you put your wife on? I won't tell her about the cheating, but just Hi! Hello, how are you? Good. You're scaring the shit out of your kids. Cool. Yeah, why'd you do that, baby? I don't think they needed a no. Yeah, I don't think they needed a no. So, but I am like sorry that your husband did that. That's fucking crazy. And I would have like, I will bring that, I would bring that up in any conversation and argument for the next like 10 years. Yeah, so you have good material. Um, but I do think you like permanently fucked up your kids mentally. So that is it's not great. Anyway, good luck with everything. Um, enjoy the extragress. Um, yeah, no, I think you guys will figure it out. So, alright. Love you, bye. Am I in the wrong? Anyway, y'all, that's the freaking episode. Yay! Happy episode 16, 16, 16. I hope you guys had a great time. Hope you learned something about haunted houses. I hope you are willing to put yourself into very inconvenient situations, maybe for a boyfriend, or um, maybe lie to your wife if you want a new house or something like that. I encourage you to do that. Um, I encourage you to join our Facebook page because it's fun as hell. We love telling NSA jokes and stuff, and it's like really equal opportunity just to talk to our community. Um uh, but yeah, send in your shit. If you have an interesting job, we'd love to talk to you. I think that's it. Happy Halloween, you guys. I know I don't love this holiday as much as some people, but truly happy fall.

SPEAKER_01:

Um there will be another Halloween episode.

SPEAKER_00:

Cord luck. Finding your Halloween costume.

SPEAKER_01:

Do three more puns.

SPEAKER_00:

Um is that count as one? So I have three more after that. I say hi to your friends and your pumpkins. Because kin is something. Kin means friend, right?

SPEAKER_01:

Ken is family.

SPEAKER_00:

Ohana is family. And family is family, and family means someone that's like um, I forgot. Um say hi to your friends and pumpkins. Um don't drink too much booze this weekend and gourd luck with that. That's we'd be like sure you don't bat an eye on your way out and subscribe to our you to our boo tube. Our boo tube channel. And also fuck, what could Spotify be?

SPEAKER_03:

Spooky five.

SPEAKER_00:

Spooky fi. And all right, y'all just just blow my shit up. All right, I love you so much. Happy fall. Ooh.