Dialing In with Brett

23. is watching the big game more important than our family vacation??

• Brett Hamilton Productions

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This week on Dialing In with Brett, Brett thanks his listeners for Spotify Wrapped day, dissects Midwestern norms, and critiques wedding traditions.


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SPEAKER_01:

Hi, this is Brett. I was dialing you in because I had a question. I there's no way. Hello? What a dick. Hey! Happy December. Um, welcome back to dialing in with Brett. Uh, I'm just gonna quickly just address the scythe situation. It has gone down significantly. I don't even know if you've noticed it. I'm sure you did. Um, I've had a scythe the past two weeks. I've been very fucking vocal about it on my Instagram stories if you follow me there. I I just don't know what to do. All of the responses are different responses, and each one is somehow more insane than the next. I've gotten told to um find some breast milk and put it on there. What do you mean? First of all, none of my friends are pregnant, and if they were, I'm not fucking asking them for breast milk. I'm not gonna steal their fucking kids' breast milk for my upper eyelid. I'm not gonna do that. Oh, here's what you can no, unless it's literally like just putting a warm washcloth. I'm like, I'm not gonna fucking do it. I'm not gonna go out, I'm not gonna spend. But then that's also probably why I've had a sigh for two weeks. Then I went to the doctor, had to pay out of pocket because my insurance wasn't taken, obviously. They pretty much didn't do anything. Okay. And it also sucks because I'm like, oh, damn, times like this, I'm like, oh, my whole job is kind of like being on camera. So I did have to film like a pretty good amount of brand deals yesterday. I have a sigh in all of them. So, and those are gonna be kind of just posted intermittently throughout the next month. So when it's like, oh, his thigh got better, it's gonna be like, wait, is it back? No, it just was filmed when I it was at its worst. So um, yeah, that's kind of everything with my psi. It reminds me of last year I couldn't talk about this because I did a facial with this company, and then through this company, I also got PRP, which is like they take your blood and add plasma to it and then reinject it back into your face, which is supposed to be like very clean. Not the not the case for me. And I completely like blistered up, and you could see every injection point that was put in, and it like completely blistered and it was all over my face, and I couldn't film anything for about like roughly three weeks, and also I couldn't say what was going on with my face because I just recently partnered with the skincare company. Um, and then obviously, like they were like, Oh my gosh, I've never seen anything like this. Not what you want to hear, which I always hate when like even the doctor said that too. It's like, okay, well, like you have to be the one who makes an educated fucking guess. I obviously I've never seen this either, believe it or not. But I also don't have a fucking I didn't go to school for this. So like, can you like help me? They couldn't really, which is always kind of the oh my goodness, I've never never seen anything like that. Okay, well, you've seen something similar. So fucking, what do I do? Like, I anyway, I'm done. Once I get this sty healed, I will never have anything, any imperfections on my face ever again, which I'm excited for. If I someone said I've never gotten a sty, and then once I got one, I like it started to become a regular thing. That's it's not gonna be a regular thing for me. I'm different. I this is just kind of like a one-off. I also hate when I have like something like this because it just gives off dirty energy in a way where I'm like, I know everyone gets sty's. I don't. Yeah, everyone gets thighs. Yeah, everyone probably washes their face with a bar of soap. Okay, like I'm different. I'm in the top 1% when it comes to this. I shouldn't be affected by this. I moisturize, like, what else do you fucking want from me? I occasionally use the serum. Like, bitch, it's I'm not the enemy. I'm not the one you should be gunning for. But anyway, my size is going down. Um, and so I'm acting more myself.

SPEAKER_02:

How's your reading challenge going?

SPEAKER_01:

Horrible. I obviously haven't read, I said I was gonna read four books by the end of the year. I haven't even fucking like I can't even read the and I in the wrong.

SPEAKER_03:

Like, I I had told Brett when he said that he was gonna read four books by the end of the year. I was like, I will give you a hundred thousand dollars if you do that.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm gonna do it right now. I don't care. I've been really I've had a ton of free time recently.

SPEAKER_02:

Is that something where I like we could have a million things? You're like, but I do need to reach my reading challenge.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I do have to. Sorry, pushing, and we're not doing the podcast for the rest of the year because I'm just gonna be tucked in reading. So um, I'm seeing this couples who cross posts on Instagram. First of all, if you are getting like professional photos done and you're not engaged, what the fuck am I looking at? Like, what is this for? Because I see like an HD photo of you and your girlfriend, I'm immediately assuming you guys got engaged. Don't take a picture, a professional photo with your significant other unless you're engaged. I also even think engagement photos are fucking like cringy as hell now. I think everything like wedding-wise is like cringy. I don't even know. Luckily, I don't even have to consider marriage anytime soon. But I'm like, I can't imagine like I don't it just like girl, get up.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I got got recently. Um I had a friend who I haven't talked to like for a while, but she got engaged and I commented, You look so beautiful, congratulations, so happy for you. Turns out it was posted by her fiance, and it was a cross post.

SPEAKER_01:

I also think like the cross promoting like that you got married. I at first was like, honestly, I guess it makes sense because it's like you both are gonna post your wedding things, but then I'm like, why did y'all do a fucking collab? What is this collab post? And it just immediately like makes it like weird, and all of a sudden, I'm like, now it just feels like so like digital social media, like girl, you got married, like stop like what we just wanted both across both pat fuck all like what?

SPEAKER_03:

I feel like if I got married too, I'd be like, okay, here's my post, here's what I'm gonna say, but I want you to put it into your own words and see what you're gonna say.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, that's what like husband, like I'm sure the wife will just write like a gorgeous piece on like their marriage and their relationship, and then the husband just like presses the accept button for the collab, and so then it's like, oh wait, they're he's sweet, but it's like no, he didn't do anything. Yeah, I just think like I think people enjoy engagement photos too much where it's like okay, just start, just take more casual photos, and I think it's like, oh wait, we like don't have any cute photos together. Let me post every single engagement photo we took across three, like it's just like it's always like a five-month rollout plan. You can post your engagement photos once, and then you can put it on the wedding website. I don't need to see like 16 different like dramatic poses of you guys like back to back. Everything has been done so many times, and I feel like there's like four poses you can do at for like engagement shots, and we've seen them all ad nauseum that it just anything anyone posts if they're like getting married. I'm just like, this is cringy as hell.

SPEAKER_03:

When do you think the appropriate time is to like change your last name on Instagram?

SPEAKER_01:

Not the night after, not the night of, not as you're leaving the fucking venue, which some of you guys do. Why are you so eager to change your last name? Because you're in the ceremony. It also is just like I really want to support women. Kidding, I don't. Um, kidding, I'll I do. Um, but I'm like, girl, like you need to. This feels like anti-feminist, you changing your last name on your Instagram, like when you hop in your husband's F-150 leaving the venue. It's like, girl, you want your entire personality to be this man so fucking bad. At least make us like work for it. And then also it's like, who the fuck is Maddie Klein? I don't know who that bitch. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's Maddie Smith, who I went to high school with, but she just changed her last name for the fucking post. I also think like changing your last name is kind of like weak behavior. Like, stand stand on it. Keep your last name, do it. Why do you care?

SPEAKER_02:

I love wedding hashtags where it's like, um, so like for new strum, I I personally would probably do something like I already have mine, don't worry. What is it?

SPEAKER_01:

Out with the old in with the new strum.

SPEAKER_02:

That's very long, but I really like that.

SPEAKER_01:

Obviously, I'm not actually gonna use a wedding hashtag.

SPEAKER_02:

That could be the name of your signature cocktail. I want to marry someone and they take my last name.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Let's reverse it.

SPEAKER_01:

Fuck it. I went to Phoenix for Thanksgiving. I feel like my position in the family has changed for good. Wicked for good. Um I just like don't when they're like making a decision, I just don't even like give my input. I'm like, y'all can figure it out. And they take like 45 minutes to like six hours to make any decision, and I never care enough to be like, no, we let's do this. So like the entire time we're in Thanksgiving, like it was like, well, uh, should we go on this hike or or do we want to stay? And I would just like wouldn't do anything, and then they would like kind of figure out for like three hours, and then I would just kind of join in where needed. But I'm like, I don't need to be a part of the decision making, and also my family is like so indecisive, and it takes them like four hours to make a decision.

SPEAKER_03:

Did you used to be part of the decision making?

SPEAKER_01:

Definitely more, but now I'm like, I don't care what we do, like just figure just someone tell me where I'm what car to get into. And it's like everyone in my family randomly is like so opinionated of things. I'm like, I like it's kind of fun to just be the one who's like, I don't care.

SPEAKER_03:

For you, anyone like listening to this podcast, I feel like for you to be in the one in the family that's the least opinionated is like probably Jared.

SPEAKER_01:

I know that's why it is it's silly because I am an opinionated person, but then when it comes to my family, I'm like, I'm sure like everyone's like, Whoa, okay, so we're thinking this, but then like also like I don't care. We're just are we going on a fucking hike? Do I need to put on my hiking shoes or do I put on my swim trunks? Do I put on my trunks or do I put on my shoes? Um, but yeah, they like take it's like 16 days to figure anything out.

SPEAKER_02:

So we think we did like type A or type B when it comes to trips and like planning.

SPEAKER_01:

I've just very much taken the back. I guess it's like across the board, like when it comes to planning. Now I've just have been.

SPEAKER_03:

Brett has an international trip in like last month that he hasn't even booked the flight for. So I'm gonna call you type B on the floor.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm going to New Zealand January 4th. It is December 3rd. So I leave in like a month, have not booked anything, have not even really looked into flight options, have not looked at where I'm gonna stay. I'm going for one of my best friends' weddings. But then also like a few of my other friends are going to, and like I think I'm gonna be the one who has to, you know, sit down in front of my laptop and be like, okay, what are we gonna do? No one else is putting any pressure on me, which is like I prefer, but I'm also like, oh shit, like we just like don't have a plan. And so I'm gonna have to be the one, and I am the I am very type B, but so I'm going to have to be type A for New Zealand.

unknown:

Wow.

SPEAKER_01:

Which is hella.

SPEAKER_03:

So you won't have time to do that until like December 20th.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And then I also haven't bought my flights home, obviously, that which I believe.

SPEAKER_02:

You're stressing me. Stranger Things came out.

SPEAKER_01:

What? Stranger Things came out.

SPEAKER_02:

I think that if you were a Stranger Things character.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm sure this is gonna be offensive. I was gonna say that you would be You know that old guy who has like kind of the weird fucking eye.

SPEAKER_03:

Mari? Would you want to be? I mean, you've seen it in the past, so you know that there's like the teenagers and then the kids. Yeah. Would you want to be in the press tour? Because we're kind of in between ages of both. Would you want to be doing the press tour with the kids that are now like 23 or the adults that are now like 30?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I'd love more screen time, and I think those the kiddos get more of that. Yeah. But then I also think like I am me next to some of those people, I would, I would just look very, very old. Um honestly, I would like to be like kind of like a Jonathan. All of the characters are kind of like like Jonathan's.

SPEAKER_03:

Jonathan has like the perfect role because he's hardly even in it, but he's like very much a main character.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I think like Steve is too goofy, but Jonathan is too like I think you would be a Max son.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

A Robin Moon.

SPEAKER_01:

Call me gay without calling me gay.

SPEAKER_02:

And maybe a Lucas rising.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh. Who's Max and who's Lucas?

SPEAKER_02:

What?

SPEAKER_01:

I do like it really sucks when like a TV show takes 17 years off because it's like I honestly like I love Stranger Things, but like it's gonna take some like momentum to get me back into it. Like, I'm not just like it's not top of mind. Like, same with Euphoria. I would have shot someone to be on Euphoria. Actually, did I tell you guys this? I auditioned for a role in Euphoria, and it was a character getting fucked.

unknown:

Oh, but one of the earlier seasons.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, like season two, and I had a film.

SPEAKER_02:

There are only two seasons.

SPEAKER_01:

So what do you mean one of the earlier seasons? One of the earlier seasons. It's like it just hasn't been filming for like six years. Um, but I was like, I was on set in Texas, and I had to ask one of the like crew members to do this scene with me, and it's literally a scene of like me getting fucked, and like this poor gentleman, like it literally like in this, like I had to like, and I didn't get the role, but I I luckily got to like pretend to get fucked in a bathroom onset with a PA.

SPEAKER_03:

Do you still have the footage? Yeah, can we add it into the photo dog?

SPEAKER_01:

We cannot add it anywhere. I'm also wearing if the thing I was shooting, I was wearing like a lacy kind of top, which honestly worked for me getting fucking pounded. But it was like the most humiliating thing ever to be like, hey, do you mind doing a scene with me? He's like, Yeah, of course. I'm like, okay. Also, just flagging, I will be getting fine. And then this the words, like the scene that he was like he had to like say, like daddy, etc. Like he also was having to say like kind of like provocative lines to me again in the bathroom on set.

SPEAKER_03:

Do you want to talk about your modesty pouch?

SPEAKER_01:

So I gotta modest so I so there's this modesty pouch. So I we are filming the miniseries that I wrote in two weeks. And so week, Jesus fuck. So we have been busy, okay? And that's why we might not have called resc- I don't know what we're even gonna fucking do. Um there is there are two scenes. I wrote it also. I wrote two scenes where I I strip down and I'm butt naked. Cause I think it adds to just like the lore of the character and just like the like what war would I mean the insanity of the character. The insanity of the character. And so I also don't want to like I don't want to showcock on main on main. And so, and I've been having the girls like order everything we need for it, and I was like, I need something to put my in for the scenes where I strip down. So I did have Holly get on the internet and get me a modesty pouch.

SPEAKER_03:

So I had to ask Brett, I'm like, so is that gonna be a small, medium, large, maple colored, taupe color?

SPEAKER_01:

So we got the one size fits most in what shade?

SPEAKER_03:

In color maple.

SPEAKER_01:

In color maple. So if you guys want to see my bare ass, there's three opportunities in the mini-series that I'm writing to see full cheek.

SPEAKER_03:

But it was funny because when he was writing it, like he knew that he would be playing the lead, and he just kept writing all of these scenes where he's like face down ass up. It's like you know you're actually gonna have to film this at one point, right?

SPEAKER_01:

So again, three, three opportunities to see my ass. If you want to see cock, that's what we have modesty pouches for. Um, but yeah, it will be that will be like somehow like weirder than just showing my entire naked body is like putting my junk in a sleeve.

SPEAKER_03:

I feel like we should just have like first day onset, you just show everything to everybody.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm just like, alright, here. One, two, I do a Spence Ma swin, a Spence Mois spin naked day one, just in front of the castle. Yeah, I don't even I actually love Spencewall and I think he's super funny. He did like this trend to kill you, where he did this dance where he would like spin tightly around in a circle, and then like like the internet does, like they flamed him for it, which obviously he's like really funny and is a good sport about it. But it's so funny the like Spence Moss spin. The Spence Mwah spin, which we'll put a Spence Mua spin. Ooh, tongue twister. Um, I never thought I would say Spence Mua spin more than 15 times in a sentence, but here we are. Modesty pouch, Spence Mwa spin.

SPEAKER_03:

Spotify Rapped came out today.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh yeah. If I'm on your Spotify rap, post that shit. I need everyone to know that I was your number fifth. You're I would I need everyone to know that I was your number five most listened to podcast. And if any of the podcasts that are before me is offensive to me, I will get very upset. But I do want you guys to post them. Only if I'm number one through three, actually. If I'm four or five, like I don't even need to see it. Like, yeah, I'm sure. Oh, you listened to two episodes, get out of here.

SPEAKER_02:

I woke up to like three friends sending me their podcast rap. They're like, look who made it in.

SPEAKER_01:

Number three.

SPEAKER_03:

I want to shout out Lauren Zamara and Eileen for sending us the number three.

SPEAKER_01:

And how many of them were I number one for?

SPEAKER_02:

You're gonna be three for all of them. You were three for me, too.

SPEAKER_01:

That's so cute. Y'all enjoy those other two podcasts. Don't even fucking bother listening to this one. I know you guys got your hands full. Yeah, there are a lot of podcasts in the market, and I know you guys don't even worry about me at number three. Honestly, just save your fucking viewers.

SPEAKER_02:

Imagine it's like number one, Joe Rogan.

SPEAKER_01:

Number two is Charlie Kirk.

SPEAKER_02:

Number two, good hang with Amy Puller, and number three, dialing in with Brett.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm actually so excited to see like if people are listening to my podcast and I made their Spotify rap, like which other ones you listen to. So actually, please send it to me, regardless if I'm one through five. Again, I will like be very, very, very hurt if I'm five. But I mean, you know, I started mid-year. I'll give you guys that. Next year, there's literally no fucking excuse if I'm not one through three.

SPEAKER_02:

We're going on tour.

SPEAKER_01:

We're going on fucking tour.

SPEAKER_02:

We we should. I'd love that.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm not going to, but yeah. Y'all should go. No, you guys go. I'll stay back. I'll watch Rita.

SPEAKER_02:

Imagine we do a dialing in with Brett tour, but you're not there.

SPEAKER_01:

You guys just dial me in, but you guys are like in the studio audience.

SPEAKER_02:

Bring you out on a TV like they did in elementary school.

SPEAKER_01:

You guys are at Radio City. You sold out Radio City. I'm not even there. I'm like, okay. You dial me in for like five minutes.

SPEAKER_02:

Even worse, it's like a church basement because we couldn't sell tickets.

SPEAKER_01:

Some like Methodist church in conference room A at the Iowa Event Center. At like a random Marriott in like a small town in Colorado. So we're gonna, we are the producers of Diali in with Brad. We are gonna be answering any of the things. I'm gonna start selling workshops.

SPEAKER_02:

You know how people will charge like$3,000 to get on one Zoom call. Yeah. Okay, me.

SPEAKER_01:

They're like, wait, so how do you make sure that the camera is always you're like, okay, I'm gonna let them take another question. They're like lighting wise, okay. Do we have any sound? Okay, why are okay? Can we just ask about like other things? Editing wise, okay, we're done. Actually, we'll just talk for the rest of the we don't want to answer.

SPEAKER_03:

Does anyone want to know like what our coffee order is? Yeah, before we can kind of what I think is gonna win best picture next year.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, I'm seeing, are you still using natural deodorant on things?

SPEAKER_03:

the dialing in Instagram and asked for an update on your natural deodorant.

SPEAKER_01:

Thanks for caring. I haven't been using it. I just really think like I I can't afford to do like a two-week buffer period of just sweating my ass off. Like I will permanently stain my clothes. So it just like got to a point where I'm like, okay, like, yeah, I am intaking aluminum, but I don't smell like shit and I have I can wear my shirts more than twice.

SPEAKER_02:

What are the side effects of aluminum?

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know. I think cancer. But I also am like everything gives me cancer these days. I'm like, okay, like all of these things are just like kind of attacks on me. Are you still using natural duodenum? No. Brett's reading challenge non-existent.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm trying to do it.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, 10-hour drive. Oh, yeah. I drove to Phoenix. It was supposed to be six and a half hours. I get in the car at seven and a half. Okay, great. I can do that with Rita, by the way. Um, there was an hour of a car accident that added an hour of traffic, luckily both ways. Um, and it was like stand so I also had to pee four times on the car ride both ways. Rita peed like once, and she's like a baby. And I also am like, you know when you pee and it's like or it's like, oh shit, I have to pee, and then you go pee, and it's like, okay, wait, that was like valid. Like, I really did have to pee. It was like that every single time where I wasn't like, oh, I'm like, no, I want you to try. It was like steady fucking stream every single time. But I was like, I haven't even been drinking that much water. How am I peeing so fucking much? But it was really inconvenient just having to pee all the time. Um, and also the 10 hours sucked.

SPEAKER_00:

But yeah, I left it and I gotta go see my family Thanksgiving, so it's all worth that.

SPEAKER_02:

So can we talk about Christmas movies in general? Do you have a favorite? Something tells me you like Christmas with the cranks.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, obviously that's I've never seen it. I randomly like that was a movie that we just watched. So I it really is like depending on like what DVD you had as a kid, it's like that is the movie. Like, we had Christmas with the cranks on DVD, so it's like, yeah, this will be like one of the movie only movies we watch. And I never watched like you know, this old what's a little kid with the gun.

SPEAKER_02:

Home alone?

SPEAKER_01:

No, I obviously love Home Alone.

SPEAKER_02:

Um the Christmas story, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I think I've like never seen that or like holiday what's like the Christmas Christmas holiday? Christmas vacation? Yeah, I've never seen that shit. I also here's my thing. I I want to talk about old movies for a second. As like a Gen Z. I think if I don't like old movies, it's like, oh bitch, what do you like fantastic for? Not actually fantastic, what's like an even more Gen Z?

SPEAKER_02:

Like euphoria. I guess it's a show.

SPEAKER_01:

It's like, oh, oh, you're Gen Z.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, you like the new mean girls movie.

SPEAKER_01:

And I think if I say I don't like old movies, it's like you don't get it. I'm like, get what? That it's lower quality, the script is worse, the acting's bad. Like, why am I like supposed to throw ass for old movies just when they're like generally usually worse?

SPEAKER_02:

What are you considering an old movie?

SPEAKER_01:

Anything before like the 90s. And honestly, even like 90s movies sometimes. I'm like, the movie I watched when Harry met Sally, which I honestly did really like.

SPEAKER_02:

What are you gonna say?

SPEAKER_01:

But I just think it's like a lot of the times acting in old movies is like worse somehow, and it's like also worse camera, like everything's seemingly worse, but then if you say that it's like, alright, TikTok Gen Z influencer. Oh, you probably are just listening to Sabrina Carpenter on your AirPod Max's, you little twat. And I'm like, I don't think it's impressive if you all like old movies, like sure, like I don't know. I just think that's like so unimpressive. Me, it's like, yeah, these are bad. And I've gotten flamed so much for not liking old movies. Like, you've never seen the Dead Poet Society. Get out of my fucking face. Like, honestly, I should probably watch that movie, but like, I don't know. Some of the movies, I'm like, get off your fucking high horse. This movie's like objectively bad, but just because it's made in like the 80s, you think you're like a fucking vibe for liking it. I don't care. That's not impressive to me. Go watch your old movies, they have no plot, the acting's bad, the camera quality's bad. I will be doing a cameo as a TikTok influencer star with Chris Olsen in the new Mean Girls movie. Like, I don't care. Call me Gen Z. Yeah. Oh, oh, I'm gonna have my laboo-boo. Genuinely how I feel. Like, people make me feel after I say I haven't seen like the Dead Poet Society. It's like, oh, get your laboo boo and 6-7 your way to the Mean Girls movie.

SPEAKER_02:

That's how I felt my freshman year of college. I signed up for Intro to Film because I watched one A24 movie, and I was like, okay, I guess I'm getting into cinema. My first day, they're like, okay, so we are going to watch The Rear Window by Alfred Hitchcock. And I was like, who?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's like no, put Greta Gerwig on. Like, what do you mean by the window? Put on Lady Bird. German expression. Little women, please.

SPEAKER_03:

You were gonna talk about the Sydney Sweeney LaBoo Boo 6-7.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yeah. I hate when like we let the younger generation win. And I think with 6-7, we are giving into them. Like, stop them. It means nothing. This is so fucking stupid to me. Like, why is Jimmy Fallon joining in with it? Okay, so Sydney Sweeney was on Jimmy Fallon, already tough. Why is she anywhere anymore? Like, I really do like it when like us as a society is like we dox a person because they're a bad person. Jimmy, get her off of here. No one likes her anymore. And it's a thousand percent her fault, which is also something funny about Cindy Sweeney. It's like, girl, you literally could have just been like, oh my god, no, like the campaign was not supposed to be like that at all. Obviously, I don't stand for that. Cool. We all are we all fuck with you again. She had a triple down and then like cut to her. It's a Jimmy Fallon segment, which like, what the fuck are Jimmy Fallon segments in the first place? It was guess what's going on behind you? It was two life-size laboo-boos, six seven in front of McDonald's, and Sydney Sweeney had to guess it. And it's also she was like, Jimmy, so she got the laboooboos at McDonald's, and he's like, they're doing the that trend, the number, and she like wouldn't say six seven. Like, she's like, I don't want to say it, I don't want to say it. And someone commented her refusing to say six seven, but not like standing against like racism. She's like, Oh, I can't say six seven, but like backs her like racist family.

SPEAKER_03:

I saw that Australia is like implementing a law where you can't say six seven. No, you if you're under sixteen, you can't have social media.

SPEAKER_01:

Whoa.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Is that good or bad?

SPEAKER_01:

And like, let me check my demographics quickly. I don't think I have.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm trying to think Australia listeners here.

SPEAKER_01:

If anyone here is under the age of 16, I'm okay. I guess comment.

SPEAKER_03:

I never want to be one of those like musicians that's in their 30s where my demographic is 16.

SPEAKER_01:

That's always so hard where I'm like, randomly, I've had someone responding to my story. They're like, I'm 59, and I am like, I'm like thrilled that I have like a wide community, but I'm like, I cannot imagine like a 59-year-old watching my stuff and being like, yes. Especially my stories, too. I'm like, these are like, I'm sure you don't understand half the words I'm saying. I don't even know what I'm saying, and I'm I'm writing this shit. I also'm just like, like, how did we make six seven viral, but I still have a thousand views in my podcast? How did we blow up a fucking number, but my podcast is still at six, seven views? Like something that pisses me off. Well, Holly and Bailey have like been helping a ton with brand deals, which is like so great. And it randomly is like obviously my job's so fucking easy. They will be like, we want you to be authentically a thousand percent you. We want your comedy and humor to shine. We love your videos. Just yeah, give us a concept. And then I do. They're like, we don't what does this even mean? This is not no, no, do something completely different. What was I get like, where was I going with that?

SPEAKER_02:

I brand so Holly and I have been helping Brett with his brand deals, and it's so funny in the what are the briefings or whatever. It's the most like news. They're like, so for example, say it's like a suitcase. They'll be like, this suitcase is the trendy chic fashion girly.

SPEAKER_01:

She's the fucking moment. You can't look away. Yeah. She's your bestie girl, but also your one night stand. She make her shine, pop, and let her be the moment. Also, we love your humor and want you to be authentically you and be the moment. I'm like, okay, like, what do you want? And then they're like, okay, anyways, concept dude Tuesday. It's like, what's the concept? It's literally like, hey, hey, superstar, let's blow. I'm like, what? We need two videos out of like.

SPEAKER_02:

They literally give like the product an entire persona. It's literally like this insert product hates the Broncos.

SPEAKER_01:

It's like personify it, and then they don't tell me what to do.

SPEAKER_02:

And you're like, how does this have anything to do? They're a plant mom. They Love almonds.

SPEAKER_01:

And also, it will be like they will give you like two thought starters every single time one of them's get ready with me. I don't know. How did y'all think of that? I don't get ready.

SPEAKER_03:

In my brain, you're just like ready.

SPEAKER_01:

I wake up like this.

SPEAKER_03:

Here's what he does to get ready. He brushes his teeth. I feel like we've mentioned this before, but he shoves that toothbrush so far down his throat.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I have thrown up multiple times. I like I never want to be the person who has bad breath, and I think so much of all the way down to the stench comes from your tongue. And you have to brush your tongue. That's the most important thing to brush when you're brushing your teeth. You don't even have to brush your teeth.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you have a scraper?

SPEAKER_01:

No, I just use the um the electric toothbrush, but it does make me gag almost sometimes to completion. I've thrown up plenty of times.

SPEAKER_03:

Please don't say to completion in this context.

SPEAKER_01:

Sorry, it's my podcast. If that makes you uncomfortable, then you can leave. She's the moment. She's bold. She's um but anyways, well oh yeah, so that's why I do I do that. And then what's next am I after I gag? Gag it.

SPEAKER_03:

You always shower, and then I'll hear your blow dryer in the distance. So you'll blow dry your hair.

SPEAKER_02:

Um you'll flip a breaker due to the blow dryer. Um and then yeah, you just like come out ready to go.

SPEAKER_03:

Wait, can we talk about your extra large shirt that you ordered?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh yeah. I can't companies are getting so insane with return policy. Sometimes there's like, we don't do returns. What do you mean? What do you mean? And I bought I buy everything in Excel. I usually like again, I am the I think the only person who's like very heavily affected by the tariffs because I get so much of my clothes from overseas just because I like their products better. Is that fucking about to say? I really love like street wear, and I think a lot of like Asian companies make really good street wear. The issue at hand is I'm 6'3.5 and weigh about 200 pounds. My an XL on me, like it's it's it's a different. I would be like a a five times XL if I went, if I lived in these places, and I'm not aware of that, so I'm like, yeah, I can get an XL that will be baggy on me. Cut to it being skin tight, cut to it not covering majority of my body. Like, I've gotten so many clothes that like just don't fit me at all, which is the largest size, which is always like a holy okay. Anyway, so I got this shirt, but it's also confusing because I got everything in XL. The shirt, baggy, shorts, baggy. Then I get a little collared shirt cropped. The sleeves are like halfway up my what do you mean? This is an XL. Obviously, no, no shipping or no refund policy. What do you mean you don't have refund policy? Like, what do you mean? And it's like, we'll check the size guide before. I'm not pulling out a fucking measuring tape to measure my arm. Yeah, also, like an XL should fit me, but it doesn't.

SPEAKER_02:

You know how you can put in your sizing and it'll be like this typically fits your size, whatever, and then you get it and you're like, oh, so I'm out of the north.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so I'm atypical. Yay!

SPEAKER_02:

Or it'll be like, oh, at this like brand, I'm this size, and then suddenly I'm five sizes larger at a different brand. That's how it is like with jeans, too. Well, did you ever get any shirts from Ray Gun?

SPEAKER_01:

No, that like took Iowa by storm.

SPEAKER_02:

We had this store, well, it's still there. This store in Iowa called Ray Gun.

SPEAKER_01:

It was like the most progressive shit at the time.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. You would walk in to get your Michelle Obama shirt, a magnet that said like Iowa City. All the creativity went into the name.

SPEAKER_01:

It's like, okay, sure, I'll get a men's large. Sure, I'll get everyone in my family this for Christmas. I also, um, our friend Brooke was talking about on her podcast that like Lush is where like the first trans people existed. You know, it's like where you had your first intro to like a trans person. That's how I feel similarly to like Ray Gun, where it's like, that's the first time I saw like a lesbian with red hair. And it was like before it was cool to be a lesbian with red hair. And I was like, Oh, I like that. That's funny.

SPEAKER_02:

It's like your first time in downtown Des Moines by yourself with your friends. You're gonna rent a bike to ride around, you're going to go to Ray Gun and get your liberal propaganda shirt. Then you're gonna head over to Zombie Burger and get the walking ched.

SPEAKER_01:

Zombie Burger is this like place we have in Des Moines, and it's just like, you know, those places similar to almost like a voodoo donut-y place, where it's just like we're making good food just so fucking gross, and like we're gonna add all this shit to it, and all of the burgers would be like, it's made with grilled two grilled cheese patties, or it's like we made mac and cheese somehow into a patty, and also had a fried egg and peanut butter, and also and like why that was the Elvis, and people would and then like the shakes were like we put cake mix in it, a Twinkie, where it's like, I don't same with fat salads. Have you guys had it? It's like we're putting chicken fingers, uh, mozzarella sticks, fries on a sandwich. Why?

SPEAKER_02:

At that point, you literally go to Zombie Burger and get like um uh 3,000 calories, a free-stacked burger, loaded fries, and a red velvet cake shake. And you leave and be like, why do I feel like shit?

SPEAKER_01:

No, it's crazy because it's like I feel like I have like a sip of regular milk now, my stomach hurts, but then like some bitch in Iowa like goes to zombie burger and eats like a walking ched, which is like again like a mac and cheese patties with like a red velvet cake shake and like fries, and they just like feel fine after it.

SPEAKER_03:

I could not like keep up with an Iowa lifestyle, like raising canes at 11.05 a.m. for lunch, and then let's get like Jimmy John's at four.

SPEAKER_01:

I feel like they don't have any like fast, like I feel like LA and New York is so many like fast, casual, like healthy options. Yeah, but I'm like, where I don't even know where I could get a salad in Iowa.

SPEAKER_03:

Literally, like probably wilted greens.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I mean, like it would you could get like a salad at Chipotle, but then it's like that. I don't even know if I consider that a salad.

SPEAKER_02:

That's like a I remember um downtown Des Moines opened like a vegan restaurant and it sent people into a spiral because they're like, we don't do that shit here. It was called Dirt Burger.

SPEAKER_01:

That's that ass like how yeah, it's like no, I'll get that shit out of you. It's like you don't have to go. Like, no one is making we have one vegan restaurant, like everything around's there, yeah. Every other restaurant in like a mile and a half radius is just like a bar with like bar food. Like, can we not have one that oh no Des Moines is becoming progressive? Like vegetarians are starving to death. Like, they don't have options, we don't have greens in this state. Like, can we put it on the streets?

SPEAKER_02:

It's so hard probably to be like vegan or even vegetarian in like a Midwest state.

SPEAKER_01:

No, my sister's vegetarian, and just like we would go to a restaurant and it'd be like she would just get like it would be like a full cheesecake factory style menu, and it's like all she could get was like a side of fries. I was like, how did we put meat in every single thing we have here?

SPEAKER_03:

We had gone to a movie at the Grove the other day, and we got out of the movie at like 3:30. The line for the cheesecake factory was wrapped around the whole entire facility.

SPEAKER_01:

There's so many like weird things, like Cheesecake Factory isn't good. Like, I think it's like it's like a comfort food where it's like, oh yeah, like this is yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

A little bit like you're at a mall, let's just go. We know Cheesecake Factory.

SPEAKER_01:

I like the brown bread like a lot.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01:

It's really fucking good. But like I think, like, I why would you ever wait an hour for a Cheesecake Factory? I don't think there's like ever a need to wait an hour for Cheesecake Factory. People are doing it so willingly. I don't think I'm willing to wait an hour for anything, ever. I don't think I'm willing to wait 15 minutes, and y'all are like, no, I'm gonna wait an hour for like some pretty mid food.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I think it's really just like a tourist hot spot because it's like, oh, we know that we have that in Missouri.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's like, why are you going here then? That's what I don't get. It's like people who go, like, why is the Cheesecake Factory bumping with tourists and like, y'all literally have a Cheesecake Factory in your hometown? Like, go to a place you don't have. I think that's also so Midwest Iowa coded. Like, we would go on trips with like other Iowa families, and it's like, oh, wait, they have a Chili's here. That's a great place to watch the game. I was like, why? Also, why are we always fucking watching a game? That's another thing too. Like, I on every vacation somehow, we would have to like completely would be in like Puerto Rico on a beach, and it's like, okay, we have the Iowa State game at four, so we can only stay at the beach until 11, and then we'll have to drive like three hours for a sports bar that's playing the game. Why?

SPEAKER_02:

Sports culture is so diehard in the Midwest, especially in Iowa, because we don't have professional teams, so college sports are huge, and it's like you'll see a Facebook post from like a 59-year-old man, all of the words spelled wrong, and it'll be like, I'm gonna fucking shoot the 19-year-old who lost the game for us.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, get your hat out of your fucking ass. And it's like, oh my god, he's literally like freshly 19.

SPEAKER_02:

They're like commenting on like the team's page. They're like, let's get so and so out of next game. They're really fucking losing and ruining our record for us. It's always like a 60-year-old man. I'd love to see your ass out there on the field.

SPEAKER_01:

No, it's always a 60-year-old man who's like with love, have such a big beer gut that he can't get off his lazy boy recliner that's like, this fucking idiot. 19-year-old boy.

SPEAKER_03:

I've also seen people that are like 60-year-old men that are like, okay, so the NIL fund for this school is this much. If we can trade this person to here, then that opens up this cap, and then we can get it's like you need to just join the staff.

SPEAKER_01:

No, I I don't get how I'm getting flamed for being like Gen Z when there's 60-year-old men, 60 year old men out here watching 19-year-old boys play football. That seems weird. If you like really like think about it, like you are like so obsessed with these 19-year-old boys that like you are going to ditch your family in Puerto Rico. Oh, that's also the thing. It's like, okay, so instead of like being able to do like a walk through the rainforest, we're gonna go get like shitty wings at this bar that's four hours. Like, why are we like I and this is when I like was into sports more where I'm like, I would like, yeah, like to watch the game, but I also wait, we're in Puerto Rico.

SPEAKER_02:

It sounds kind of fun, like a beer with a view.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my god, you're such a guys girl. I love that.

SPEAKER_02:

No, I really am. Well, I mean, when I was like six, I was like accompanying my dad to the bar to watch the games. Like, what? Also, my dad was the kind of person who we couldn't talk when the games were on. So he'd have the sound bar up to like a hundred, and we were not allowed to talk when the game was. We couldn't even talk during commentary because he had to hear the stats.

SPEAKER_01:

It's crazy because it's like you wonder why like straight men don't have like social abilities, and it's like, oh, because they just like have the fucking game on all the time on volume 93. You can't even talk to them if you want to. Yeah, and they're like, Yeah, that's the fucking point. Yeah, that's why I brought you to the sports bar as a six-year-old to watch the game and not talk to you. Eat your mozzarella sticks and shut up.

SPEAKER_02:

No, literally. It was always fun though, because it's like, you know, that like get a couple beers and dad, and he'll buy me whatever I want.

SPEAKER_01:

And he'll talk to me and get a couple beers and dad, and he'll show some genuine interest in my life. And he'll ask me a question. Dad asks, like, unfortunately, how Midwest dads are. It's like after four beers, like, maybe I can talk to him about my soccer game.

SPEAKER_03:

Maybe I could tell him what I'm looking forward to.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, he's like, okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Get him to get me the brownie Sunday off the menu.

SPEAKER_01:

It's like he really should again doesn't ask you a single question, but then gets you a brownie Sunday. It's like, alright, my papa ain't too bad. Alright. He shows up for me when he can. It's like, okay, hasn't asked me a question about my life the entirety of it. You guys know it. You fucking love it. My god, you're obsessed with it. Am I in the wrong? This is like the most I read every single week. It's just the am I in the wrong. I, F32, am married to my husband, M38. My husband has an older brother, Fred 50M. Today, upon leaving my house, I was barricaded in by four extremely large Amazon packages. Upon further observation, the packages appeared to be pieces of large furniture, a bed frame, bedside table, desk. I initially thought this was a mix-up with addresses since I didn't order furniture, but when I looked up, I saw the packages were addressed to Fred. He better not be moving in. I was immediately upset because nobody even asked me if that was okay. Yeah. When I called my husband to tell him about the frustration, he told me that Fred had run it past him the week prior, and he said it would be okay. Well, you have to tell your girlfriend. You have to tell your wife. I asked why he couldn't have it delivered to his house. And my husband was why that Fed has been staying at his mother's house and is planning on staying there long term, but hasn't told their mother yet. In an effort to hide the fact that he's moving in permanently, he has furniture delivered to my house. That ain't gonna work. I lost it. Me too. I texted Fred and told him to pick up his parcels immediately and not to let it happen again. Fred told my husband he is mad and thinks I'm being irrational. Now my husband has given me the silent treatment petty and refuses to pick up the baby from daycare, claiming he's gonna take the parcels to Fred's at their mother's house. Am I in the I love that, like, yeah, well, if you're not gonna let my brother send all of his shit here, I'm not picking up our kid from daycare. Like, men just say shit. No, our kid's gonna have to stay at daycare by himself then. I don't care if you're gonna let if Fred can't drive deliver all of his shit here. I'm not helping out around the house. I'm not taking care of our kid. Fuck that kid, fuck our son. I'm taking Fred shit to mom's. What?

SPEAKER_03:

Also, that the mom doesn't know that Fred is gonna move in.

SPEAKER_01:

I also just think like if I'm married to someone, you better fucking tell me every single thing all the time. I don't want any secrets, like, well, uh, yeah, Fred actually ran this by me. He didn't run it by me, bitch. I don't give a shit. And now my son is stuck at daycare because you fucked up. And no, I also like getting big packages to your house unless it's for you, annoying as hell.

SPEAKER_02:

Another layer to this is in the um original submission, she had also said that isn't it a known fact that you are supposed to run things by the woman of the house.

SPEAKER_01:

I it's just crazy. Like, uh genuinely, I would get pissed if I married someone they did anything without telling me. And again, especially if it's like I a bed frame showing up at my no.

SPEAKER_03:

Sometimes with these, am I in the wrongs? I'm like, are y'all just marrying anyone?

SPEAKER_01:

Like, I unfortunately just think this is just how men are.

SPEAKER_02:

Weaponizing not picking up the kid from daycare. You have to. Yeah, that's nuts.

SPEAKER_01:

I you are not in the wrong. Your husband should have fucking told you Fred can get the fuck out. Also, like, not to be like, you can't live at your parents' house after graduation. 50 is kind of a different story, and I'm also like feel horrible for Fred. I get he's probably you know, in but in between some some he has some big opportunities coming. He just needs a place to crash for the time being. Okay, tell your fucking mom that. Also, why like send it to your mom's house because now it's an extra fucking trip and now our kid is being neglected.

SPEAKER_03:

And now their recycling bin is full with the boxes from the furniture.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, also, it's just like why would you send it in? Because then it's like obviously you have to keep the packages there for the time being, which is like again, if I get a package that's not mine, which I live alone, so like whose package is this? Like, get it the fuck out. But like, this isn't a fucking storage unit. This is our house, and again, like now our kid is not getting picked up from daycare because you had to use this as a fucking like storage, like, no, also, like, tell your mom, you're 50 years old keeping a secret from your mom that you're gonna secretly move into her house.

SPEAKER_02:

Also, I think she's gonna notice.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I don't uh it's also crazy. It's like, yeah, I haven't told mom yet. Well, you bought a fucking bed frame. Like, this seems like it's happening. Like, you need to let a bitch know. Also, like, if you're lay living in my house, regardless of my relationship to you, you need to tell me if you're sending all your shit here. I also like the husband thing pitches pisses me off. Like, you better fucking tell me every single thing you know, bitch.

SPEAKER_02:

Now it's also gonna be much harder to move the things. Why wouldn't you have them delivered to your house for free? Now you're going to have to either hire a moving company or make it a whole don't worry, the husband's just not gonna pick his son up from work so he can do it.

SPEAKER_01:

From work, or from yeah, he hasn't.

SPEAKER_02:

That baby needs to get to work.

SPEAKER_01:

Alright, I'm gonna call the wife first. Hey girl, what the fuck? I like I'm pissed off for you. One, like, don't send your shit to my house. Also, that like genuinely doesn't make sense. Right, right, right. That's what I'm saying too. And also, like, now your kid isn't getting picked up. Like, that is insane. Like, men will use any excuse to like not show up as a parent. It's insane. Like, trust me, girl, the shit my dad did. Like, you would freak. Um, but yeah, that's fucking insane. You're not in the wrong. Also, like, why are you getting tied up in this family drama with a 50-year-old man? I'm actually Tylen Fred here. Hi, Fred. How are you? Good. Excited for the big move? Eat. You haven't told her yet. What? That's fucking insane. Um, you guys are moving the shit over right now. Yeah, why don't you just why don't you just skip that step? And why don't you go pick up little Timmy from daycare too? Because because of your fuck ass, he's not he's not gonna get dinner tonight. Because of your fuck ass, he's gonna be the last kid at daycare. And then the daycare lady's gonna get pissed off, and it's it's gonna be the mom's fault, even though it's not hers. So tell your fucking mom you're moving in with her, you're 50 years old, get a grip. You got your bed frame, now I need you to get a fucking grip. Put on your brother. Hi, dumbass. Why are you keeping secrets? Um, also pick up your fucking son. What are you doing? Okay, I really don't care to talk to you anymore. Put on your mom. Hi, me mom. Hey, I'm surprised you even know how to work a phone. Um, yeah, so you got an extra bedroom? You do. Okay. How do you feel about your 50-year-old son moving in? Yeah, I think they're actually on the way right now to your house with a bed frame dresser, um, credenza, two-piece lounge set, and a dining room table. So hope you have room. So hope you have room. Don't worry, it's all already out of the boxes, and they unboxed it and left all the boxes um back at the wife's house. Um, I don't know if you can drive too, but there is uh your grandson does need to be picked up from daycare, and I don't think anyone seems to give a fuck about that. But I'm pretty worried about the child. But okay, you can't drive. Alright, well, the kid's fucked. Um, let's get them like a Waymo or something. But anyways, alright, love you. Good luck with the extra company. Um, take care. Alright. You press the to hang up, you press the red button. It's pretty b I'll just hang up for you. Okay, alright. Keep me out of your family shit. Like, just kidding, I actually want to be a part of it and weigh in on it as much as I can. It's crazy because it's just like universally, for the most part, the men are in the wrong. I also just think it's always like, oh, my husband didn't tell me. I'm sure the fuck he didn't. Like, what is and but then they tell you about the most like boring shit ever, and it's like, oh, the shit that affects me, you are silent about. Why the fuck do you tell me about your day? I don't care about your job. Tell me that your brother's loosely gonna be moving in with us for the time being and storing his shit in my house. Thanks.

SPEAKER_03:

I saw a TikTok that said one day you are going to share grandkids with just a random couple. What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I hate that. I don't like that. My kids aren't going anywhere around anyone. Like the person that you marry will help you like more than the loss of your parents. These fucking men out here, my god. Like, I I pray that you guys never lose parents. Because these men aren't helping, they aren't supporting. You still crying? Oh, what's wrong? What's wrong? Is dinner ready though? Morning after your your mom passes. Okay, wait, oh baby, why are you crying?

SPEAKER_03:

Oh the vacuum needs cleaning.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, okay. Well, our son needs to be picked up from daycare, and I'm moving my um 50-year-old brother into my mom's house, so oh, but I'm sorry about oh you're I hate when you're sad. Um also, can you can you make that uh that fettuccine dish that I like for dinner, please? Anyway, um, men are underwhelming, women are usually in the right, and men are in the wrong.

unknown:

Thanks.

SPEAKER_01:

Anyway, y'all, thank you again for another just awesome episode of Dilate in with I had a fucking blast.

SPEAKER_02:

Post your Spotify raps.

SPEAKER_01:

Post your Spotify raps only if I'm in top three. Um, just kidding, you can do top five just because I did release this podcast this year. Oh my god, the year of the podcast. Um, we should do something big for our one year.

SPEAKER_03:

Established 2025.

SPEAKER_01:

We need to get one of those. I always loved it like at high V, our like local grocery store. It would be like worked here since 2025. It's like, but it is I feel like you could only have that if it's like you've worked over a year here. It's like, okay, so you're a new hire. Um anyway, thank you guys for listening. I hope you had just a merry fucking Thanksgiving. Um, and your family was chill, and maybe your dad even asked you a question. Mine didn't. Mine didn't. Um, but I drove 18 hours to see them. Um, anyways, thank you guys so much for your support. If I made it on your Spotify rap, wow, I'm kicking my fucking feet like crazy. That's nuts. We have fun episodes in the queue. Keep watching, keep listening. Also, we're gonna end the year with a fun one in Iowa. Maybe even in my childhood bedroom. Holy shit, really? Maybe? I don't know if you guys are good. I hope you guys are good. Um, but truly, thank you guys so much. Um, we'll see you next week. Get out of here. Get the fuck out. Get out.