Ep 8 Jess Kuss: Navigating an Acting Career as a New Mum

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In this episode, I sit down with actor Jess Kuss to talk about rejection, motherhood, and the fear of stepping back from her acting career. Jess opens up about being on hold for over a year for a major role in Talk to Me, only to lose it, and how that moment collided with becoming a mum.

Jess speaks honestly about the reality that she only had so much love and energy to give, and it needed to go to her baby. Acting didn’t disappear, it just had to wait. We dig into the guilt, the imposter syndrome, and the myth that you’re “less serious” as an actor if life forces you to pause.

This is a raw and reassuring conversation for anyone juggling acting with real-world responsibilities. Dreams don’t expire, they just shift shape.

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🎵 Theme music by Nick Gun: soundcloud.com/nickgun

Transcript

Introduction to Jess Kuss

Speaker 1 0:00

Hello, my name is Jess Cus and you should go pluck yourself.

Speaker 2 0:15

Hello, welcome to Go Pluck Yourself the Actor's Pursuit. My name is Chris Gunn. Thanks for being here, guys. Now I know I said that I was going to post a new episode every thursday, but you know what I reckon? Friday is the new thursday, so I'm going to say I'm going to post a new episode every thursday ish. So, happy thursday ish.

Speaker 2 0:33

If you're listening in australia, it's the perfect time of year to charge up your earbuds, earbuds, earbuds and, um, inject some acting advice into your ears on your morning walk or chuck on your telly while you get through that mountainous pile of clean washing that's been accruing for two weeks. Get to it, guys. Get through that washing, I'll help you pass the time. Um, what's happening today? Uh, my very good friend, jess Kuss, was on the show today. I met Jess many years ago at a party. We got chatting about acting and she has just been kind of a really good acting buddy ever since and that was a very long time ago now and we've always just kind of supported each other in our endeavors and she's become, yeah, she's a really good friend and a fantastic actor and it's it's a really beautiful chat. She was really generous with what she was willing to share on this chat.

Speaker 2 1:29

It's a very personal chat. We talk about the massive adjustments that she had to make to her acting career when she became a mum and, yeah, it provoked some really interesting insights into how difficult it can be to balance life as an actor when you know life happens and when you have other dreams that you that you also want to pursue and enjoy. Um, so, jess, thank you so much for being so honest in this chat. I really appreciated how willing you were to share so much with me. What else, what else did we talk about when?

How They Met: A Party Connection

Speaker 2 2:00

Did we talk about how she nearly got cast in, uh, one of the major roles in Talk To Me, the Philippou Brothers' debut feature film, a few years ago, and she was on hold for that for more than a year and then sadly had to receive the bad news that she didn't land that role and how that affected her, how she sort of recovered from that, but how that sort of turned into this sliding doors moment. She didn't get that role, but she did end up having a beautiful son, elijah. So you know, life works in mysterious ways. You know what I mean. Okay, let's just get straight into it. Please enjoy my amazing chat with the wonderful Jess Kuss. What's?

Speaker 1 2:42

going on. What's going on? What's going on, I don't know. I'm here. I'm happy to be here. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2 2:50

No worries, everything's going fine. We didn't just start again, we didn't just start again.

Speaker 1 2:54

We didn't just lose an hour, that's okay.

Speaker 2 2:56

But no, we did just for the record. We have been talking for an hour, we have. We just lost all of that because my camera.

Speaker 1 3:01

We had some really good content in there, but you know we'll.

Speaker 2 3:03

We can redo that stuff, we can redo that stuff, chris, we're good. I think there's stuff that I don't want to talk about.

Speaker 1 3:08

We didn't probably want to put it on the socials anyway, because it got a bit political, didn't it?

Speaker 2 3:13

Yeah, a little bit hey. So I'm really excited to have you on because we met right at the start of kind of both of our acting careers, I think.

Speaker 1 3:22

Yeah, and we've kind of followed each other on that journey In and out, in and out, yeah, yeah, we met and we kind of didn't know each other, yeah, and then we kind of re-found each other through the acting world, I think.

Speaker 2 3:34

Yeah, because we kept reconnecting at workshops and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, where did we?

Speaker 1 3:38

meet Chris. Where did we meet At a party?

Speaker 2 3:40

We met at a party I came up to you and I was like yo.

Speaker 1 3:45

No, I vividly remember I was sitting on the floor. We were at like some little intimate kind of music. Yeah, we were at a Like a music scene.

Speaker 2 3:53

A gig in a living room. In a living room.

Speaker 1 3:55

It was wild. It was so fun and I love that band who we saw. They're great. And I was sitting by myself, I think, at this point because the person that I was with was off doing photography and stuff and so you were sitting to my left. I very clearly remember, yes it's a vivid memory.

Speaker 2 4:11

Well, yeah, I feel like you went over Well a life-changing moment.

Speaker 1 4:13

It was a life-changing moment, really. Yeah, it really wasn't, but I still remember it, and so does Chris, so clearly it was something. And yeah, you reached over and you're like, you give me actor vibes, like are you an actor by any chance? I feel like you said that.

Speaker 2 4:27

I really don't believe that. I said that I swear on my son's life. No, I actually don't, I don't, I will not. Yeah, I believe you then.

Speaker 1 4:37

No, I could be making that up. You give me actor vibes, something like that, or are you an actor, sure? And I was like, yeah, I am actually. That's really interesting.

Speaker 2 4:42

You say that Such an odd thing for me to do.

Speaker 1 4:44

Yeah well, you were clearly feeling confident, or you felt sorry for me because I was sitting by myself. Maybe Probably more that one, anyway, anyway you asked me and you're like you know, my mum has an agency, you should join her. And I was like, oh cool, I'll keep that in mind. And then I walked out of that party and never thought of you again until we must have bumped into each other when, because then I eventually joined.

Speaker 2 5:10

Yeah, I'm guessing you just joined that agency eventually, that's right.

Speaker 1 5:13

And then I remember and I was like I probably reintroduced myself. I feel like you did and I remember saying to your mum when I went to do it, hi.

Speaker 2 5:20

You must be a girl, you must be a girl, are you alone today?

Speaker 1 5:22

Are you feeling lonely? No, I remember saying to your mum oh, by the way, I think your son literally reached out, you know, tried to get me to join your agency years and years ago. But I already had an agent and I remember her being like oh yeah, that's Chris.

Speaker 2 5:35

Just for the record, it's not something that I usually did.

Speaker 1 5:39

It's not like your mum paid you to go and poach actors from crowds. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 5:44

I really it's weird because I don't. I didn't really often tell people that my mum had an acting agency.

Speaker 1 5:50

I wonder what got into you that night.

Speaker 2 5:52

then I wonder why you, I just thought, I think I just thought that you had the right sort of outlook or something.

Speaker 1 5:58

I don't know Five. We were chatting and I was yeah.

Speaker 2 6:01

Because a lot of actors don't or didn't get it. Do you know what? I mean Like it's kind of an attitude thing and I think I don't know. I just thought you were a cool person.

Speaker 1 6:11

Well, I still remember that story and I feel very grateful that you thought that. So that's very nice, thank you.

Speaker 2 6:16

No worries, the end of podcast. That's it. That's the story of.

Speaker 1 6:19

Jess.

Speaker 2 6:22

Yeah, so then what? Yes, yeah, so then what? But you were already with an agency, yeah, and what were you doing there? Were you doing the classes there? Yeah, I was with SA Casting.

Speaker 1 6:31

So I joined them when I was 13, I reckon. I moved up from Victor Harbour up to Adelaide and my dad was like, do you want to do classes? I was like, fuck, yeah, we looked up who you know was around and these guys popped up and so I went and joined and I learnt heaps from the different teachers that they had that come through the school and then, yeah, afterwards they were like cool, we'll represent you now. And then, before I knew it, I had an audition for Going For Gold. I think that was one of my first auditions and it was my first gig that I booked.

Speaker 2 7:00

No way, yeah, I reckon it was Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, no way, yeah, I reckon it was Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, what was that Going for? Gold Going for?

Speaker 1 7:05

Gold. It was a gymnastics cheerleading film by Clay Glenn and yeah, he did like A Second Chance and all those other ones. Yeah, awesome, I still remember my audition, actually my callback.

Speaker 2 7:15

Yeah.

Speaker 1 7:16

Yeah, he literally told me the reason I got the role was because and I love her now her name's Felicia we went in to this room in his studios and we were doing like the fight scene, like the little teenage pushy-pushy, you touch me kind of scene, and in the directions it said to push the other girl Right. And apparently this is what Clay taught me later that I don't think he had actually seen anyone really give a big push that made the other person fall over. But I was auditioning.

Speaker 1 7:44

This is in the callback. In the callback I was auditioning with Felicia and I remember at one point at the very end of the audition, as part of the script, it said push. And I was like great, I'm going to do that. I went and pushed her and she fell over Poor thing, oh no. And Clay said I stood out because of that. Oh great, that's how I got the role, apparently. So sorry.

Speaker 2 8:03

Felicia, there's a lesson in that, but thanks for letting me push you over.

Speaker 1 8:06

We both got the role.

Speaker 2 8:07

Yeah, yeah, you really made a bold choice there, I did. You know, the first time I met Angela Heesom, I was a very young boy A young lad. I was probably like 11 or 12 or something, maybe 13. I don't know. I was doing extras work and stuff and I was doing Actors Inc.

Speaker 1 8:24

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah cool.

Speaker 2 8:25

But I did an audition. I don't know what it was for, maybe a commercial or something like a footy thing, yeah, and we had to play with a football and I had to like handball a footy to her and I did that, but I like copped her right in the face.

Speaker 1 8:46

You copped Angela in the face and now she knows you as the no she wouldn't remember that.

Speaker 2 8:48

I'd love to know if she does.

Speaker 1 8:49

Yeah, surely she'd remember the day she got hit in the face by a bull in an audition.

Speaker 2 8:52

I don't know she might but she probably didn't know it was me.

Speaker 1 8:56

But I'm sorry. She definitely wouldn't know it was me because, like then, I'm just. I didn't meet her again for like years, back in the days when we would audition in her studios.

Speaker 2 9:05

Yeah, I think that was at, or the SAFC in Hendon.

Speaker 1 9:09

Yeah, right, yeah, back in the day A long time ago. Yeah, that is a long time ago. Yeah, yeah, anyway A little story.

Speaker 2 9:14

But, I didn't get that role. Oh she clearly hated you and you know she probably went no, make a physical choice. Make a physical choice.

Speaker 1 9:26

The thing is is I wasn't intending to push her onto the ground, Sure you weren't. No, I was just intending to give her a good shove. Like I said, I was just sort of feeling that role you know. Yeah, and she just wasn't ready. Yeah, sorry, felicia, but you got the role.

Speaker 2 9:39

But I got the role shit it was so fun.

Talk to Me: The Role That Wasn't

Speaker 1 9:41

I was so young and naive, I guess is the right word to say, because I had no idea like this was my first time on a film set and I had a. I had a blast, you know, and I was. I was like I was just newly 18, I was just out of high school, like I was living my life. I was like fuck yeah, like I'm making work, I've got the acting scene. Then I went over to la and I was like fuck yeah me and henry gonna go to la.

Speaker 1 10:01

We're gonna like live the la world. And I came home and I was like fuck yeah, me and Henry are going to go to LA. We're going to like live the LA world. And I came home and I was like I never want to live in America and I never want to live in LA. We went to like Hollywood parties and we met some people no way, yeah, yeah, yeah, at 18.

Speaker 1 10:11

At 18, yeah, wow, that's wild it was cool, like I was, like I'm, I went there. Now I'd have a very different outlook on life. Yeah, 18s are. Yeah, that's a crazy time. It's a vulnerable age.

Speaker 2 10:29

Yeah, yeah, I never wanted to do the. La thing but, like in the last couple of years, I started thinking like oh, maybe I should look into that. It's hard to know, but now, not right now.

Speaker 1 10:39

No, no, not right now, but it's hard to know. It's like do I go and chase that dream? Do I wait for it to come to me, which we know doesn't just happen to some people, it does you get lucky, you get that role. You can't rely on that. You can't rely on that.

Speaker 1 10:53

And I feel like, as an actor, like if it's meant to be, it'll be. Like that role I was on hold for for a year and a bit, I was like if it's meant to be, it'll be, and I had a really good feeling that it was meant to be, but then it wasn't meant to be.

Speaker 2 11:05

Oh, you just manifest a little bit harder I know, I'm like I wasn't manifesting correctly.

Speaker 1 11:10

But then I had my beautiful son and I don't think I would have had my son if I didn't have if I had that role, I guess I can say what it is You're allowed to, yeah well, I feel like there were two roles that I feel like I was close to getting. The first one was Upright with Tim Minchin. Emily Alcock got the lead role Fantastic, she's incredible. She's gone on to do Game of Thrones and she's now a super girl or super woman or whatever. It is Amazing. She's an incredible actress.

Speaker 2 11:41

What was the story there?

Speaker 1 11:43

Like, how close did you get? Well, it's hard to know. Like, I got to the, I had an audition and then, I reckon, I had another audition and then I had a final callback and I think it was between me and a few girls. I don't know how many. I think I was under the impression that it was just a few like maybe two or three, like me, Millie, and maybe someone else or whatever.

Speaker 1 12:02

So maybe two or three like me, millie and maybe someone else or whatever. Yeah, so it would have been huge, it would have been great and the role was like oh dream dream role to play. You guys got to go watch it. Meg in Upright Right Meg is the role.

Speaker 2 12:12

Yeah.

Speaker 1 12:13

Incredible. So yeah, that was a really close call but didn't happen and that's completely fine. And then the biggest one that you know was really exciting for everyone, especially at the agency, and we were all really excited was talk to me. I was actually kind of on hold for that role for over a year, I think, with Danny and Michael A lot of shits. Love you, but so hard, man, yeah it's tricky.

Speaker 2 12:40

I remember that because I didn't know the details, but I remember there was a role. All I knew that there was a big role that you were on hold for and I remember mum telling me I have to tell Jess that she's been on hold for this role for a year and I have to tell her she didn't get it Really. She told you that she still talks about it, yeah.

Speaker 1 12:59

Oh, I remember she would bring it up at workshops. She was so I remember when. I got that call from your mum. I remember where I was Because you know when you get told that it's most likely going to land in your favour, like you're most likely going to get that role, it's like cool, but you obviously don't get your hopes up, you don't jump ahead.

Speaker 2 13:18

Yeah, but you do, don't you, you do.

Speaker 1 13:20

You're lying if you say you don't think about how exciting it's going to be, and you know you're lying if you don't. Yeah, but I remember I was working on Osh shift. I was working at Osh and I was acting as the director at the time of that Osh and I was sitting at my desk and your mum calls and I was like, oh my God, I knew it was either make or break. I knew that this moment was, was big.

Speaker 2 13:38

The worst.

Speaker 1 13:44

And I could straightaway, Chris, I could hear the tone of her voice and I knew I didn't have it before she even said the words and I was just about I wasn't, but I felt like hanging up. But I already know I don't want you to say it, but she tried to ask about my day, I think.

Speaker 2 13:54

Just be like no, just text me, just no. No, it's not Sorry, and she goes.

Speaker 1 13:58

No, they've decided to one else and I just went okay.

Speaker 2 14:02

Why was that? Because I know that there was a reason why you were on hold for a year, and that's because you're an amazing actor. Thank you, but.

Speaker 1 14:13

This is what it comes down to. I was told I think I could be making this up just to make myself feel better, but I feel like I was told that it just purely came down to looks, so I didn't look like Miranda Otto who played the mum that I would have been playing Because I was on hold for Jade.

Speaker 2 14:29

So it came down to matching family members.

Speaker 1 14:32

Yeah, I think so, and that's what I'll tell myself to make myself feel better, like that's just what it is. But you know, I still got to be in the film. I got to be an extra, I was on set for two days and it was fantastic. I was very grateful to still have the opportunity and to be recognised by, you know, especially by Nikki Barrett, the casting director, to be recognised by her and for her to then, after that, keep auditioning me for other lead roles and stuff. Yeah, yeah. It was a huge compliment.

Speaker 2 14:58

Honestly like, yes, you didn't get that role, but like the fact that you were in the running for that, for such a prominent role in such a huge film, like I know, that feeling is like disappointing because you didn't get to do it.

Speaker 1 15:13

You invest all that time and that love and that energy and then to not be able to then go and do it.

Speaker 2 15:18

I know, but there's still so much like success in that whole situation.

Speaker 1 15:24

Yeah, which I've come to be very aware of.

Speaker 2 15:26

Like to even be considered for a lead role says something.

Speaker 1 15:29

Yeah, I'm very grateful that they recognised whatever they saw in me that they liked and yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 15:35

so what was the period like after that, like how did you take it, how did you recover?

Speaker 1 15:39

I honestly can't really remember. I was devastated, but I wasn't devastated to the point where I was like fuck this, I'm not acting anymore because, I know that I'm never going to do that. Up until that point, I hadn't ever had that fear of we all understand rejection.

Speaker 2 15:57

It's part of our job, but that was a pretty big Just because you know about it doesn't make it easier.

Speaker 1 16:02

And that was the biggest one I've ever had, especially because it was like the one I've ever had, especially because it was like the closest I'd ever been as well to such a life-changing opportunity. But then what we were saying earlier is if I got that role, I highly doubt that I would have my son right now.

Speaker 2 16:16

Well, that's it. It's sliding doors, isn't it? And it's sliding doors.

Speaker 1 16:19

I talk about that with my therapist. All the time sliding doors huge, she says you know, I love my therapist she's like you made some really great decisions with your sliding door moments. You could have gone either way, and I she said that I've gone the right way each time, even if it's taken a little bit together but that all comes back to manifestation as well.

Speaker 1 16:35

Like I, I had a bit of an issue with manifestation after that because I was like well, I thought I was doing everything right. I thought I was, you know, manifesting the role and already acting as if I had it to be. Anyone who knows about manifestation you know that you act as if you've already got the thing that you want, and then you start showing the gratitude for having that thing, and then that's how you attract it. So that's what I was doing and I was like have I been doing this wrong? Like, does manifestation work? But but like for other roles, I feel like it has Right, at least that's what you can tell yourself, you know. Like it's yeah.

Speaker 2 17:06

Honestly, I think, because it is such a stressful and you know it's such an emotional rollercoaster going through these castings and being put up for things and then you know, learning how much it's worth or the opportunities that might come out of it and you know all the good things that might come from it and then losing it. So whatever works for you to cope through, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 17:28

But in saying that it's not just a matter of what could come after and the money you might make or the people you might meet. It's the fact that I was so connected to that character. I wanted to tell her story.

Speaker 1 17:40

I was so connected and I related to it and I also auditioned for the lead role as well that Sophie Wilde ended up playing and it was phenomenal. She's amazing. She was incredible to watch on set. Oh my God, I learnt a lot just from watching her. But, yeah, I was so connected to both of those roles, jade and Mia and yeah again, I'm just so grateful that I even got to get that close, of course, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 18:03

I'm just so grateful that I even got to get that close. Of course, yeah, yeah, it is reassuring.

Speaker 2 18:06

It makes you go okay, maybe I am okay at this. I don't think it was a lost opportunity at all.

Speaker 1 18:10

No, Well, I still made great connections with the boys Michael and Danny, and then I was still in the film and then and Nicky Barrett. And Nicky Barrett, and then I did stuff with the boys after that. It hasn't come out, I don't know if it will, but I got to then go on and act with them a bit more, which is great, and hopefully I can potentially be in the next film that happens here in Adelaide. That would be great. Who knows Manifest? Manifest, If you try too hard then it doesn't work. Manifestation's hard.

Speaker 2 18:35

That's my problem. It's hard, yeah, that I know. Do you know what I mean? Well, don't want it too much. That's what it is.

Speaker 1 18:48

Yeah yeah, it's a fine line. Read up on it, it's good. So petty, it is a bit petty.

Speaker 2 18:53

It is yeah, read up on it.

Speaker 1 19:05

Read up on it and something like that. She might be a bit woo-woo, but I love her.

Speaker 2 19:06

You know me, man. Yeah, am I going to read that book, jess.

Speaker 1 19:08

God. No, I'll just spit some quotes out to you every now and then I'll just send them through to you.

Speaker 2 19:12

This is not about what I think.

Speaker 1 19:14

What do you mean?

Speaker 2 19:15

This podcast. I'm curious what other people do and what works for other people.

Speaker 1 19:18

True, it doesn't matter what I think you know what I mean. I feel like in my inner being. I've always had this innate knowing that I will find success in acting, however that may look at the time of my life that it's going to happen.

Speaker 2 19:33

Does that make sense? Sure.

Speaker 1 19:34

I know that when the right role comes that I am meant to act it will come and it will happen and I know that we are responsible for being our own brand and going out and getting in. The whole point of your podcast is to not wait for someone to come pluck you out of that crowd. Yeah. But I also feel that there is only so much you can do. Yes, and sometimes luck of the draw is just the way the cookie crumbles.

Speaker 2 19:56

Yep, and that's just my opinion, but also like even though the ethos of this, the title of this podcast, it's just a title.

Speaker 1 20:04

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 20:05

You know? Yes, you have to, you know go and make it happen.

Speaker 1 20:08

We are our own brand.

Speaker 2 20:09

Go and tell people like go knock on some doors and make sure you know you're active in your learning and in the industry.

Speaker 1 20:14

sure, Keep going to workshops, keep making films, keep doing what you do.

Speaker 2 20:20

Yes, but there's a difference where you're just like you know if you really want it, you've got to go and get it. Yeah, sure. But also life happens Exactly Life happens, and it's okay to take breaks, it's okay to feel the disappointment and say I just can't do it right now. Do you know what I mean? Like that's okay. Yeah. You know I've had breaks. You know, I think my 20s was the whole period was a break. I remember that, yeah, I just didn't do it.

Speaker 1 20:47

See, whereas for me it was always. It was everything Like every time I got an audition it was okay, great, school can wait or uni can wait. This is what I'm focusing on. I am putting my entire life into this role, into this audition. This is a potential job, whereas, like you said, breaks happen.

Speaker 1 21:01

This is the first time that I'm experiencing that kind of break and it's been really confusing to navigate. I don't know if other people can relate to this in the sense that I had a child and suddenly my priorities weren't just, it was. I couldn't be self-absorbent and go okay, well, I can choose to quit my job and fly to America and go take this course. I can choose to go work on a film set if I got the role for four months, like not that, that has happened. But you know, right now I have a kid and I have to work a stable job to get a stable income to support and provide for my family.

Speaker 1 21:36

Acting has had to go on the back burner and it has been so hard to navigate.

Speaker 2 21:40

Yeah, and you've had to let go of. Well, it might feel like you're letting go of a dream and something that's such a big part of you and something that you find so fulfilling and brings you so much meaning in your life.

Speaker 1 21:55

I vividly remember Teresa Palmer came to Adelaide not long ago and did that workshop that you were involved in. Weren't you. She had that screening with the Heesons at the Heesons Studios where people could come and just ask questions whatever. At the Heesam Studios, where people could come and just ask questions whatever, at the start of your.

Speaker 2 22:07

Yes, you were holding Elijah.

Speaker 1 22:08

I was holding my son and he was so young. I was devastated that I couldn't apply to be part of that workshop with Teresa, because this is an example In the past, if I didn't have a kid, I would stop whatever it was to go and do that, because that is what I valued and acting is what I value. Whereas I had a kid who was attached to the boob, I couldn't just leave him, you know, for a whole weekend to go and be part of that workshop. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 22:30

So I remember going to the questionnaire and I was like, well, at least I can do that. I'm going to bring my baby with me. And I remember sitting there and I just wanted to talk to her and ask her how have you managed to have such a successful career while having like 20 kids? She has, like I think she literally just had another one.

Speaker 2 22:48

She just had another kid. Yeah, lotus, she's got a lot of kids.

Speaker 1 22:50

She's got a lot of kids and she seems like an amazing mother.

Speaker 2 22:53

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 22:53

I do remember she actually got to hold Elijah. It was beautiful I remember that yeah. Yeah, I've got a photo with her holding him and it was very, very cool, yeah, but I just wonder how she does it. But anyway.

Speaker 2 23:03

Well, the point is, she does it. Yeah, do you know? What I mean. Like it's not impossible. Yeah, and I think I don't know I can't speak to this.

Speaker 1 23:12

Yeah.

Speaker 2 23:13

But the thing that I observed from you right is like and I remember you coming in here to do an audition, yeah, A while ago, not long ago, no, a year or so A year ago. I felt like I mean you were obviously you can tell me what you were feeling about it but I felt sad because I felt like I mean I'm looking at it from someone that's not experiencing what you have experienced right and someone that knows the passion and the drive that you still have.

Speaker 1 23:47

Yeah, which is?

Speaker 2 23:47

different, but this idea that the way life has gone for you has meant this is going to be the block forever. Yes, do you know what I mean? Yes, and I was looking at you going like, well, no, this is what's happening and this is great, and I know you felt that too. This is what your life is right now. It's such a beautiful thing that's happening. Acting can go on hold, do you? Know what I mean, because sometimes logistically we just can't do it.

Motherhood Changes Everything

Speaker 1 24:17

I think it was you who actually kind of said that to me and made me go. You know what, like it can, and that's okay. I remember I came here for that audition.

Speaker 2 24:24

I don't know what it was for, but I just cried and I said to you I know because you did a couple of takes and I was like they're good, they were great takes and I was just like Chris, I don't feel it.

Speaker 1 24:32

I just didn't feel it and there was a lot going on in my life at that point, but I was just like I don't feel it and that inadequate as an actor which I've, without sounding cocky I never had that feeling because I knew that this is what I love, and if it's what I love, it's what I'm good at.

Speaker 2 24:48

Yeah.

Speaker 1 24:48

But in that moment I did not feel good at all. I felt like an imposter. Yeah. And I'd never had that feeling before. So it was very hard to navigate, whilst also navigating becoming a mum and all the changes that were happening in my life, and I just remember looking at you being like I'm wasting your time, I'll go, and you were beautiful, you were so kind, but yeah.

Speaker 2 25:08

Do you know what I'm curious Like? I get the sense that maybe not just you Do you feel and I don't know if we keep this in but I'm curious do you feel like you were a burden on anyone?

Speaker 1 25:21

Oh God, yeah, all the time.

Speaker 2 25:23

All the time. Why the fuck? Why does that happen?

Speaker 1 25:26

Oh well, that's complicated because that comes from your upbringing. Okay, yeah, I mean I was in a place where I wasn't, I was still processing what was happening.

Speaker 2 25:39

So in my personal life, but, to be honest, I got the sense that you felt you were and I was going. Bro, we all have all the fucking time in the world for you.

Speaker 1 25:51

So that's important because we as actors, we help each other out with auditions all the time. You've helped me multiple times and then I feel bad, so then I help you.

Speaker 2 26:00

That's not the only reason. No, that's not the only reason. No, that's not the only reason she's not going to help me. I haven't helped her in a while.

Speaker 1 26:05

No but that's the whole thing of being a burden right.

Speaker 2 26:07

It's like.

Speaker 1 26:07

I've taken up your time. You're being so kind to set up the space. You've got the cameras, you've got the computer, you edit it, you send it to me, nick. Same thing, nick Launchbury. Love him, like he, but that's now his business as well. But before that he would offer to do that. I've helped Steph Jacqueline audition before and she's helped me multiple times. Yeah, but then it's that question of well, are we being that burden Like?

Speaker 2 26:31

Right.

Speaker 1 26:31

Do you know what I mean Like?

Speaker 2 26:35

Yeah with you. Well, that's the thing I think people they can get caught up into, thinking it's like a transactional thing, but really we're all.

Speaker 1 26:43

We're all just trying to do our best.

Speaker 2 26:44

Really, we all just want to support each other.

Speaker 1 26:46

Yeah, we do.

Speaker 2 26:47

You know, yeah. We're all mates here.

Speaker 1 26:50

Nick said that he's had people come in and do auditions for roles that he's going for and he's had to just be that's his kind of business now Business yeah, and he's just had to go. Okay, I'm just going to give them what I give everyone and help them and do my job. If they get it then they're meant to be.

Speaker 2 27:04

That happens when we're all you know, a casting calls out and we're all going for the same role. We're not going to be like no, I'm not going to read for you because, like, but I got the sense when you came into that, into the room there, that you felt that you were in my way or something and it was getting in the way of the beautiful work that I knew you could do.

Speaker 1 27:25

And you were already doing like the takes were really good, but I know, but, you know what it's like when you're not in it, and then you overthink everything that you're doing and then suddenly you're not feeling authentic, whereas other people might not see that, but you know as an actor, and you don't want to be doing work that you know is not authentic. So that's how I felt when I was getting in my head and then, I just remember being like Chris, I'm just going to go.

Speaker 1 27:47

And then from then, that's when I reached my lull. I guess you could say that's when I realised okay, I have a lot going on right now and it's okay for acting to be put on pause while I work through that stuff and navigate having a toddler human in my life. Yeah.

Speaker 1 28:03

You know, when you get an audition, you've got two options. One, you put everything on pause and you devote your whole time to that audition. Yeah, you do all the character work, you learn your lines, you do anything that you do as an actor to prepare. Or you have the option of half-assing it and just rocking up to the audition, or just rocking up to the space. And I think that day I had half-assed it and I'd rocked up thinking that I could just do it which sometimes I can, sometimes if I know the scene well enough and I think I realised then that that wasn't going to work anymore, because I don't have the time that I used to have to put into those auditions.

Speaker 2 28:40

I see, yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.

Speaker 1 28:42

I have a toddler or a baby who is on my every beck and call, like if I devote time to that, I have to take away time from him, and that was hard to adjust to.

Speaker 2 28:53

And is that what was going through your mind? Because from hearing that, I would think, when you have that realisation like I don't have the time to do this anymore, and then you look to the reasons why you don't have the time and that overwhelming sense of like why is this my situation? What happened to my dream?

Speaker 1 29:13

Well, it's more just the overwhelming sense of love I have for my son. But, then the overwhelming sense of love I have for acting, yeah, but then the overwhelming sense of love I have for acting, and it's like at the moment it's not I don't. It wasn't possible to have both, because anyone who's a new mum knows your whole life is put on pause for the best reasons. It's just the fact, like, especially as a first-time mum, you're navigating motherhood for the first time. You have no idea what to expect. You lose sleep.

Speaker 1 29:39

You know you're, you didn't realize you could love so much yeah I love him more than anything and I will always put him before my acting, but I think I was in that point of my life where that was the first time I had realized that something could become, could come before that because before that it was just me and you know who I was with and whatever it was just, but I could focus all of my time and energy onto the things I loved, which was acting.

Speaker 1 30:07

I devoted so much time to prep and all that kind of stuff whereas he came along, and I don't want that to ever come across as if, oh my gosh, you know I have a son now. No, like he is everything I want. You know what I mean. But it was, yeah, navigating that shift in my life that I wasn't expecting to happen. Yeah.

Speaker 1 30:29

I knew that I wanted to have kids. I wanted him. He was planned, he was everything, but I wasn't expecting it to be such a huge wow. I've actually got to put that on pause now, because I got into a loophole of I can't put my all into these auditions the way I used to. Therefore, I am not good enough. Therefore, I'm not going to try. Yeah, okay, I got auditions that would come in. Right.

Speaker 1 30:51

Normally in the past, before my beautiful son came along, I'd be like, yes, okay, great an opportunity, an audition. But yes, okay, great an opportunity, an audition. But now, when I get an audition, I have to look at it and go, okay, is this worth my time away from my son to put into this audition? Sure.

Speaker 1 31:09

And that is what I have been struggling with, because then I feel that guilt for my agent, like my agent's putting in all this work to get me auditions. I want to be a good client and I want to go for those roles. I want to put myself forward. Yeah, a good client and I want to go for those. I want to go for those roles. I want to put myself forward.

Speaker 1 31:22

That's what we do as actors. That's what we have to do, yeah, but I also knew that that was going to then take away time that I had with my kid, or I would have to find a babysitter or I would have to find. You know, like I got Nick to help me a lot because I just didn't have the time to get someone to come over and help me, didn't have the time to get someone to come over and help me, I was like no, nick, I just need to come to you. You can get it done for me please, edit it for me, please, and send it back Like it was so grateful for Nick and for that business, because otherwise I probably wouldn't have done any auditions this year, to be honest. But yeah, it's having that space to film in as well, it's having those connections with other actor friends that can help you film.

Speaker 2 31:55

Yeah, yeah, but I think that's the thing. And like when you came in that night to do that audition, I could tell that you were feeling like I can't do this anymore because there's just too much happening.

Speaker 1 32:07

I felt like an imposter for the first time and I was so confused by it.

Speaker 2 32:10

But I think what I wish I could have, like, just you know, grabbed you and said hey, we all will make this work. Do you know what I mean? Like this community we have hey, we all will make this work. Do you know what I mean? Like this community we have here, we are all here to support each other.

Speaker 1 32:24

Yeah, of course, and we all have moments like this, like nobody's a burden because something's a little bit.

Speaker 2 32:29

You know it takes a little bit more like logistical adjustments you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 32:34

Yeah, exactly. But I am curious about, like, your interpretation of what you're, what the situation is for you as in, like, I have this beautiful new family and I have so much love for my son and I didn't expect that to be such a. I didn't expect to have to let go of something else or put something else on pause for a little while. Yeah, not because I couldn't do it, but because, like I my my emotional capacity is Was only so much, yeah, and it was all devoted to him.

Speaker 1 33:02

That's right, yeah.

Speaker 2 33:04

Yeah anyway, but that was I was really. I feel like you kind of gave up that night On that audition. I feel like you just kind of went. I'm not doing this one, which I think is okay.

Speaker 1 33:16

I think that you're on the money. I don't think I even submitted that. Maybe I did, yeah, but I think for me it was. That was a pivotal moment in my career, I guess you could say, because that was the time that I had to go. I realised, okay, something's not the same here, something's different.

Speaker 2 33:36

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 33:37

Like every time, I do something now in life, and this is just parenting this is just being a mum. Every decision you make, you make on behalf of you and your kid. Yeah. So when I came here that night, my kid was somewhere, he was getting looked after by someone or whatever, and that was time away from him. I was going through a lot at that point where I came in for that audition. Quite a lot at that point where I came in for that audition yeah, quite a lot.

Speaker 1 34:05

And yes, it was a moment, and it was a shocking moment for me because I had never felt that way that deeply before when it came to acting, because I guess what I want to say is, acting has always been my safe place. The one thing that I know that I can, that I like and, without sounding cocky, that I'm somewhat okay at like that I'm.

Speaker 2 34:19

Well, I can say you're very good at it, thank you.

Speaker 1 34:21

That's very nice, but I really don't want to come across as like being cocky. But it's also okay to acknowledge that you are good at things.

Speaker 2 34:27

You can be proud of the fact that you are good at something. Yeah.

Identity as an Actor

Speaker 1 34:31

And even if I don't like I don't want to be famous, I don't want to. That's not why I act, which I've said before, but it's. I can be proud that that's the one thing that I have, that I know that I that I'll always have, to the day I die. And then suddenly to not have that feeling anymore was terrifying. I felt like not only had I lost my my time that I can devote to acting, but I had lost my craft. I'd lost my ability to act, and that was, for me, the biggest thing. It's a horrible feeling.

Speaker 1 35:02

And it's something that I am now still trying to rebuild.

Speaker 2 35:06

It's kind of like when I had to stop singing. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 35:09

Yeah.

Speaker 2 35:10

Like I had a, I was really pursuing singing, Singing, yeah yeah. And was doing well. Yeah, yeah. And I loved it so much. You were really fucking good at it too. Thanks, man. But then I had these vocal issues and I remember the gig. The last gig I played it was at the royal oak hotel and I just couldn't hit notes. I couldn't, I sounded crap. I just couldn't hit the notes anymore and I had no control like in my, in my voice.

Speaker 2 35:36

I don't want my range yet people were looking at me like I had a regular crowd that would come to my gigs and people were looking at me like what's going on? And I was just like I don't know man, and halfway through the gig I just went okay, I think that's it Really, yeah, and I'm plugged.

Speaker 1 35:50

And just fucked off. Yeah, yeah. Wow.

Speaker 2 35:53

And then suddenly I was just a regular guy again, cle, just a regular guy again.

Speaker 1 35:57

Cleaning houses.

Speaker 2 35:58

I wasn't a singer anymore and I was like but my whole identity was gone, you know, because I was a singer.

Speaker 1 36:04

Well, that's an interesting thing to talk about, as well as labels. Do you classify yourself a professional actor, a professional singer? Do you classify yourself?

Speaker 2 36:13

I think we're malleable and I think that's okay. You know, I think we're right now. Yes, I'm an actor, yeah, and I don't see how I can lose that like I did with the singing thing. I'm still a singer. I'm not a professional singer anymore, you know but I'm still a musician.

Speaker 1 36:30

Yeah, of course, if you practice music, you're a musician.

Speaker 2 36:32

Yeah, but you know what, Even if you don't True, I think you know I don't play every day.

Speaker 1 36:38

Yeah, I don't play every day. Yeah, I don't play professionally. I paint, but I wouldn't call myself a professional artist. But I'm an artist.

Speaker 2 36:43

Do you know what I mean? Exactly, exactly. I think we're allowed to change our labels.

Speaker 1 36:46

Absolutely we are. But I worry that if we get so focused on a label and then it changes, then it might I think it's just hard to let go.

Speaker 2 36:54

Yeah, if, like with the music thing, I just couldn't. I like grieved that. I grieved that for a long time.

Speaker 1 36:59

Well, I grieved the acting thing too. I was like am I an actor? Is this, am I?

Speaker 2 37:03

Because I didn't know who I was anymore. It's like losing your leg when you're a runner, yeah.

Speaker 1 37:09

I know it is.

Speaker 2 37:10

It's like yeah, but you know that it's not gone.

Speaker 1 37:20

Yes, it was a scary moment because it was the first time that something Not outside of my control, because having a child is within your control.

Speaker 2 37:23

Yeah, but like adjusting to life, yeah, and that sort of becoming a small hurdle for a different goal that you had. Yes. You know, and the solution to that is, you know, put it on the back burner for a moment, but, as you said, it's not gone forever. It's not like you just can't act anymore.

Speaker 1 37:46

I think too. I had recently moved agencies, and when you do, you want to put your best self forward. You want to show your agent that you are showing up for the hard work that they're putting in to get your auditions. So I had that guilt. If I didn't submit for something, especially for something that was by a really like big casting agent or big money or whatever it was that they'd be like, well, why are you not submitting for that?

Speaker 2 38:12

Yeah. So there was like a feeling that like if I lose the momentum, then the people that support me and are advocating for me. They're going to say, oh, she's not serious anymore. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 38:23

And say, hypothetically, I got a role during that time. No, I don't think it would have been feasible for me to go and work on a film set, of course, yeah.

Speaker 1 38:31

I would have to feed on demand, right? So say, I can't remember. Now, god, it felt like forever ago, but I don't know if I fed every three hours and you know the production team's like, well, we've got a take and your baby's crying, he's just going to have to wait Like, but as a mum, my tits would be leaking. I'd be like I need to go provide for my child. Yeah, of course. So no, I don't think it would.

Speaker 2 38:51

Yeah.

Speaker 1 38:51

I don't think it would.

Speaker 2 38:53

But how do you navigate that with your agent or whoever's invested in your career? To just say, look, just so you know, this is what it's like for a new mountain. You know, this is what it's going to be like. For a little while, Don't think that I'm not still 100% you know, but it's going to look different, you know.

Speaker 1 39:13

And I think for me, like if I was still with the same agent, maybe they would understand a bit more, because I knew my past before I had a kid, but I joined that agency just after I'd had a kid, so they didn't know me prior, they didn't know how dedicated I was, et cetera, and I'm not throwing any shade on any agents at all. I'm just simply stating that they didn't know my life before having a kid. So I felt like, whilst also trying to do my best as an actor and do the best audition I can to represent myself, was committed and dedicated.

Speaker 1 39:45

Yes, yes, yeah, and there's a fear that if you can't prove that, then they'll just discard you or something, right, yeah, and think, okay, I'm not going to bother putting in really hard work for that person because yeah, they're obviously not that interested or not that serious we know, as actors, we have to be on top of our money. We have to be updating our headshots. We have to be advocating for ourselves. We have to be staying on top of our craft, putting updating our showbiz. We know that.

Speaker 2 40:09

Yes, but I think, I think what we're getting at here is the fact that it's okay. It's okay to to be honest with yourself and the people that are invested in you to say yes, just because this is. This is what my life is right right now, and it's a beautiful thing and I'm going to go and enjoy this thing and give all my love to this thing. You know I'm allowed to do this.

Speaker 1 40:32

Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 40:32

Absolutely, I'm allowed to go and do this and this might look a little bit. This other thing, this acting thing, might look a little bit different for a little while it's like. This is what I've got to do for now. Or like, even if it wasn't something like having a child, you know, like for me, like I years ago now, um just called Nick up one day and said don't put me up for anything, man, I can't do it right now. I was just, I just couldn't, I was like not in the yeah headspace.

Speaker 2 40:58

Yeah right, I said just don't, I can't do it, man, I can't do anything. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but I can't deal with anything right now and good on you for being honest with yourself. And just the point is that I was honest with myself and said if I keep going right now, not only am I going to do bad work, but I'm going to burn out and I'm going to. I'm not going to have the capacity for the other thing, whatever was going on the other thing that I needed to deal with or address that really needed my emotional attention, you know.

Speaker 2 41:30

And that's what I'm sort of mean by like does the industry facilitate these changes in our lives?

Speaker 1 41:37

I mean the industry doesn't wait.

Speaker 2 41:39

The industry doesn't wait, but like I don't think it takes long to remember who you were again.

Speaker 1 41:43

You know like it's not going to forget you. No, especially if you're committed like you know who you are, you know what you're were. Again, no, it's not going to forget you, no, especially if you're committed, you know who you are, you know what you're good at? Yeah, just come back, I'm back, I'm back, bitches, I'm back. Yes, hire me. Yeah, do you want to meet? Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 2 41:56

I think it's important that people know that it's okay to have breaks.

Speaker 1 42:00

Yes.

Speaker 2 42:01

And it or even just step back a little bit. Give yourself permission to just Put your foot on the brakes a little bit.

Speaker 1 42:06

Yeah, you can't be doing everything at once. I couldn't be fully committed to being a really really in a, really committed emotionally in tune with my child mum. I couldn't also then be fully committed to devoting my entire life to my acting, and I also couldn't be committed to my teaching and being a good partner and all of that.

Speaker 2 42:25

It's too much you have to just take that step back.

Speaker 1 42:29

And for me that was a huge life lesson was it's okay. It is okay to put your life on pause for other things.

Speaker 2 42:36

But you feel like you're giving something up. Yeah, you feel like you're failing at something. God, yeah.

Speaker 1 42:41

I felt horrible. I felt like I had just given up my entire life, because acting is we're all passionate, acting's our life. Yeah. Even if we're not acting every day, because that's not how it works unless you're Margot Robbie, you know acting is, it's your life.

Speaker 2 42:55

Margot Robbie. She has to take breaks.

Speaker 1 42:56

Yeah, she's just had a kid, hasn't she? I don't know I don't know either, I think so.

Speaker 2 43:01

But everybody takes breaks, takes breaks yeah.

Speaker 1 43:03

Yeah. And I think for me that was.

Speaker 2 43:04

And because we are still coming up. Yeah, you know, we feel like we have to keep the momentum going which you know.

Speaker 1 43:11

Like Chris, this is the first thing I've done acting wise. We're not even acting, but we're talking about acting.

Speaker 2 43:16

Well, this is promotion. It's the first thing I've done.

Speaker 1 43:19

I think since having my son apart from the 48 hour. Yeah with Elijah. He was so cute in that little lemons.

Speaker 2 43:26

It was great, it was so cute. It was so cute. Cries on cue.

Speaker 1 43:30

Literally.

Speaker 2 43:31

So jealous, I can't do that, dude.

Speaker 1 43:32

I felt so bad. I was like is this child exploitation? This is horrible.

Speaker 2 43:36

No, it was good.

Speaker 1 43:37

We won. So Thanks, Elijah, he won. He won it for us. Yeah, he did.

Speaker 2 43:43

Oh, I love that, yeah, but no, I'm glad that you've come on today and I'm glad that.

Speaker 1 43:48

Me too.

Speaker 2 43:49

I hope that you don't think the dream is dead.

Speaker 1 43:52

No, I definitely did for a while there. I'm not going to lie.

Speaker 2 43:54

That's what I picked up and I was like, Jess, don't do that.

Speaker 1 43:58

It's not over man. I think that's a really important thing. Though, to talk about is like how how we want to be perceived as well, because we know as actors, we have to promote ourselves, we have to put ourselves out on the Instagram. That's the first place people are going to look? Is your IMDB and your show cast, but also your Instagram and your socials, right? I am in a point in my life where I'm struggling with one. I don't have anything to share because I haven't been working.

Speaker 2 44:19

What do you mean on social media, on social?

Giving Yourself Permission to Pause

Speaker 1 44:20

media I don't have anything to put up of me working you know, to promote myself because there's been nothing recent that's happened, and that's just the fact. I also, if I was going to be honest about what's happening in my life, it would be my son, but I don't want to put him. I don't want to plaster his face all over the socials.

Speaker 3 44:34

Sure, yeah, of course, yeah, so then what do I share?

Speaker 1 44:36

And then I felt, well, I'm not important, I have nothing. People succeeding and naturally, as a human being, you compare yeah yeah. It's. You're lying if you say you don't Of course, yeah. Whether you do it to an extreme extent or not, that's.

Speaker 2 44:51

Yeah.

Speaker 1 44:51

But it would be nice to put something up on my Instagram like hey guys, I chatted with Chris, I'll give you some content.

Speaker 2 44:57

Give me some content, I'll just chuck it out.

Speaker 1 45:06

Jess is still in the entire world.

Speaker 2 45:07

And he's a great actor.

Speaker 1 45:08

And he's a great actor. But yeah, it's just been a huge shift Of course, yeah. And I really appreciate you giving me the opportunity and the platform to share that experience, because I really haven't known what to do. I've been stuck.

Speaker 2 45:22

It's really hard, yeah, because, yeah, like you have to go and make your own.

Speaker 1 45:27

Your own way.

Speaker 2 45:28

Yeah, you have to go and make your own content. Yeah, you have to go. And if you don't have any recent work, you know go and shoot a scene or something, or write a film or whatever.

Speaker 1 45:37

But then it comes back to do. I have the emotional capacity to do so.

Speaker 2 45:40

Do I have the time?

Speaker 1 45:42

Yeah, and then now I have to figure out my priorities Exactly. Is promoting myself a priority right now, or is it my son?

Speaker 2 45:47

Yeah, because ultimately, you know, the dream is you are just waiting for the phone call and the phone calls come in every week and you go yes, I'll do that job.

Speaker 1 45:56

Yeah, of course I will Thanks very much yeah.

Speaker 2 45:58

And that's it, and your agent knows what's going on. But the reality is that we have to. You know, at the times where we have the capacity to be pushing our careers, we have to be finding ways to promote ourselves.

Speaker 1 46:09

And those little moments that you've got in every day.

Speaker 2 46:11

Yeah, but it's okay not to yeah.

Speaker 1 46:14

That's the point. It's okay for not everything to happen all at once.

Speaker 2 46:17

Yeah, and in the meantime, like man, enjoy, just exist, enjoy life outside of acting. You know, have a kid, have fun.

Speaker 1 46:23

Raise a good human. It's been so rewarding and the biggest thing that I've taken away from it is it's just more stuff to add into my actor's toolkit Absolutely. It's just more stuff. Now I feel like if I got a brief for a mother role, I would have way more to give to that role. Yeah.

Speaker 1 46:41

Anytime something happens in my life, rather than letting it control me and define me, I let it become a part of my story that I can draw on when I've got emotional parts in a scene or a character Obviously not like I don't. When we go on a set, I don't go oh my gosh, okay at the time that that really bad thing happened. Okay, I'm going to think about that and now I'm going to. No, I use it to kind of allow me to understand humans.

Speaker 2 47:08

Well, yeah, you can become more empathetic when you have more experience.

Speaker 1 47:12

I suppose yeah.

Speaker 2 47:14

Is that what you?

Speaker 1 47:14

Yeah, I guess, so it was pivotal.

Speaker 2 47:16

I do want to be clear with people that are listening that like it doesn't mean you need to go out and Get your heart broken, get some trauma?

Speaker 1 47:24

No, of course not.

Speaker 2 47:26

But what you're saying is like life is going to happen, experiences are going to happen, good and bad things are going to happen, and as actors.

Speaker 1 47:34

we can take advantage of that, we can exploit that. We can exploit that 100%. Well, I mean for me. That's why I love acting. I love acting because we get the opportunity to share the deepest parts of the human condition with the world.

Speaker 2 47:49

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 47:50

And that for me is fun, yeah, and exciting.

Speaker 2 47:53

I think it's given me a way to cope with the things that I've put myself through.

Speaker 1 47:59

Sure. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 48:00

Yeah, Like, at least for me, that's a positive. I'm like well, I mean I have more understanding, I guess, for people and I can use that. Yeah, but yeah, like you were saying, like it doesn't mean you're going onto a set and you're just tapping into some really traumatic memory. No, no. That's not. I don't necessarily think for me that's not a very safe thing to do.

Speaker 1 48:22

No, but having that toolkit that you can draw from of different scenarios and things that have happened.

Speaker 2 48:29

Yeah, it all adds to your sort of toolkit. Empathy library, empathy library. I like that one, your empathy library. Yeah.

Speaker 1 48:38

I've also found, you know, because I'm a teacher and I love my job, I love being a high school teacher, I love teaching psychology, I teach drama like it's great. But I've also had to be aware that I have to follow a policy of being careful what I share online, because there's teenagers and they all use the internet and they could look me up.

Speaker 1 48:57

So that's another thing. It's like, well, if I were to go do a big film and get you know, work with incredible actors and have a really good opportunity to work in an incredible film set and get paid a lot of money and whatever, but it has a nude scene, well then do I have to just say bye to teaching because I can't go back and step into a classroom when kids may have seen me nude on TV. Yeah yeah, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 49:18

Yeah, so there's all these things that I'm personally navigating as well as like what I share. I know anyone in the world can look up and see if my account's on public, which it has to be if we want to promote ourselves yes yeah. So I'm in that fine line of okay, well, I have a kid, I want to. That's my whole life right now. But I'm not putting him online because I don't want. He doesn't have a say in that.

Speaker 2 49:39

So well, we also have to be careful with, with the, the, I guess the choices we make. But we we can make choices Of course we can. You know, if your professional life, if it doesn't align with doing something like a nude scene in a film, like you know it's okay to turn down that role. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 49:56

I think, for me, I've recently, I think, become a lot more comfortable as a person and happier, because I obviously went through a rough patch, a little while ago and I've become comfortable because I feel like I suddenly I have a purpose that I am proud of outside of acting, so that I am feeling satisfied in my life that if acting happens, that's just a bonus.

Speaker 2 50:17

Yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 50:18

That's just a huge bonus. Yeah. But right now I know that I'm making a difference and an impact on the young people that I teach, and that is all I could ever hope for.

Speaker 2 50:27

I think that's a great insight into sort of. You know you could apply that to just anyone who's pursuing acting or anything that they want to pursue. You know, like right now I'm pushing this hard, you know, and I still don't act. Very often I'm getting some pretty consistent jobs, which is amazing.

Speaker 1 50:45

Yeah, you're killing it, man. You really are it, man, you really are. Thanks, man, you're actually smashing it.

Speaker 2 50:48

Thanks, man, but still the reality is how often do I get an acting job?

Speaker 1 50:53

Yeah, you live in Adelaide, mate. Yeah, that's right, I mean Adelaide. No shame, we're actually amazing For this city.

Speaker 2 51:02

I've been doing okay, yeah Right, absolutely. You been doing okay, yeah right, absolutely you have. Thanks, man, but living in adelaide is a choice, yeah, if you, if you're going to pursue acting, it's, it's obviously a choice, yeah, and it's going to be consistent for adelaide. But it's still very inconsistent, right? I don't mind that because, like, like you said, like I get to, you get to um, put all your, all your, you know your heart into teaching these kids and and being the best teacher you can and being being this amazing.

Speaker 2 51:28

You know your heart into teaching these kids and being the best teacher you can, and being being this amazing mum you know, not all your chips are loaded onto.

Speaker 2 51:32

acting as in, that is the be all and end all. That's the only thing that's going to bring you joy in your life. As long as I'm succeeding as an actor, it doesn't matter what else is happening. If I, if I'm not succeeding here, then I'm failing everywhere, you know. But like I'm trying to really acknowledge, like everything else, that's happening around me, you know, yeah, I mean my job is fine. I'm very lucky to have my job, my business, my small cleaning business, and bring in enough money to get by and survive and support this acting thing as well.

Speaker 2 52:03

And enjoy the times with my girlfriend and my sister-in-law. You know, enjoy everything that happens in between acting.

Speaker 1 52:10

You know, and still find ways to create and fulfill and, you know, start this and chat to my acting mates. I'm so proud of you for doing this because I still remember the time you called me and you're like, hey, I've got an idea.

Speaker 1 52:22

Oh yes, do you want to be a co-host of my fucking podcast? And? I was like let's do it. And then it kind of went quiet, as things do. And then one day you're like I'm doing it and I was like let's go, like good on you Because, yeah, the initial idea was to do it as a duo right to have a co-host, and I asked you because I'm like you'd just be an amazing co-host, Thank you, and also because we kind of started this.

Speaker 2 52:47

We kind of fell into the well, we started pushing the acting thing at around the same time and kind of also always been sort of living this parallel creative life, you know, but then, then he didn't want me. Then I fired. You Got fired, I put you on hold for a year and I was like, sorry, mate, it's not going to happen.

Speaker 1 53:05

You ruined my dreams the way the thing evolved in my head.

Speaker 2 53:09

I was like I can't do it, like I just have to. I can't make all these decisions and run them by someone.

Speaker 1 53:16

You just need to do it. I just needed to do it.

Speaker 2 53:17

And I was putting it off anyway, so that's my excuse. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 53:20

No, but I also just feel like this works so much better.

Speaker 2 53:27

Like if you didn't get me on, I'd be able to fuck. Oh yeah, that would be a bit rough hey, but I started the podcast.

Speaker 1 53:30

Can I come on just like talk to me? If I didn't get to, at least be in it somehow.

Speaker 2 53:32

But also who knows where this will evolve to, and like yeah exactly, get amongst it guys.

Speaker 1 53:37

Chris is a really good guy, you are thanks, man I knew that from the moment you lent over and said are you an actor?

Speaker 2 53:45

you look like and wasn't like can I buy you a drink? Yeah, but I'm glad you're here. Thank you, I'm glad you're here because I was really worried that you had given up on it.

Speaker 1 53:55

Really, yeah, oh, bummer.

Speaker 2 53:57

Yeah, yeah, bummer. Yeah, it is a bummer. That's what I was thinking. Bummer.

Finding Success on Your Own Terms

Speaker 1 54:00

I Deep down, I would never give up and like I've known that since the start, as soon as I found a love for acting when I was like seven, I was like this is me. Whether I become successful, whatever that looks like to people or not, who cares, but this is my passion.

Speaker 2 54:15

Yeah, but success comes in little bursts, yeah, and success is measured by your view on success.

Speaker 1 54:22

What does?

Speaker 2 54:23

success mean to you Just being able to have the opportunity every now and then.

Speaker 1 54:26

Yeah, see where success for me just means doing the shit I love to do.

Speaker 2 54:31

Yeah, no matter what it looks like. Yeah, so what are you going to do from here? What's the plan man?

Speaker 1 54:36

Yeah, that's a really good question. Like I, obviously I don't have anything booked, I don't have anything coming up at the minute. I've I've kind of given myself the year to just okay Bit of a not a write-off. It's obviously a learning curve, like we've talked about and you know. But I've given myself the year and I'm going to reassess next year. But again, it's that fine line of well, I need a stable income, so do I advance my teaching career? And right now I'm on a year contract which means that I don't have work guaranteed for next year.

Speaker 1 55:04

So I'm like, do I try to get another contract? And then you know, obviously then there's not enough as much time and um leniency for acting if it were to come up, if, if a role was to come up, I can't just say, well, I can't work for four months, I'd have to give up my job yeah or do I relief teach, which means I can pick when I work and then I can actually dive deep into whatever that looks like, like going back to classes, or you know?

Speaker 1 55:26

I've had to really take a step back and go. What are my priorities? What's important right now? Right now, it's important that I have a stable income for my young family. That's pretty much the big sacrifice I've had to make, which I wouldn't change. But, I have this deep innate knowing that whatever is meant to be in my life will be. And that's just kind of how I.

Speaker 2 55:45

that's my approach to life knowing that whatever is meant to be in my life will be, and that's just kind of how I, that's my approach to life, that's how I live. Yeah, I'm glad that you still, you still haven't written off acting.

Speaker 1 55:51

No, I never will.

Speaker 2 55:52

Because because what I think that what that does is is sort of implies that it is one or the other.

Speaker 1 55:58

Yeah.

Speaker 2 55:58

You know it's either you pursue one thing and you give up on the other. Yeah, but like I don't think that's very old school, you know.

Speaker 1 56:06

True, we can have multiple endeavours and things that we're good at.

Speaker 2 56:10

Yeah, and with motherhood. Look at Teresa Palmer. You know yeah, exactly yeah.

Speaker 1 56:14

And like I'd like to think I'm a good teacher, I'd like to think I'm a good actor. I'd like to think I'm a good mother. We can be good at multiple things. Of course of the timing and allowing what is meant to be to just be. There are so many variables that you can't control. Yeah. Like there are so many things outside of your control. Just control what you can.

Speaker 2 56:33

And there are going to be more obstacles and changes, and you haven't given up on the acting thing. It'll always be there. Yeah. And you know we are allowed to put our foot on the gas take our foot off the gas and have a little break, or even like, just put it on the back burner and say it's going to be something that I do sometimes.

Speaker 1 56:53

Yeah, thank you for giving me the space to be able to talk about that. Yeah, of course, man. Hopefully it resonates.

Speaker 2 56:57

But I really do think that you're going to be doing a lot more work soon.

Speaker 1 57:02

I hope so. I really do, because you are such a good actor, I hope so I really do? Yeah, I hope so, because you are such a good actor.

Speaker 2 57:03

Thank you and such a natural actor and your career is like, it's not like done, hasn't started.

Speaker 1 57:13

No, it's only just started. Yeah.

Speaker 2 57:15

I'm glad that you're here and I'm glad that you're still loving it and still going for it, even if it's in a slightly different capacity.

Speaker 1 57:23

Yeah, yeah, that's a good way of putting it slightly different capacity. Yeah, yeah, that's a good way of putting it. Yeah, allow yourself the grace of slowing down.

Speaker 2 57:29

Yes, exactly and focusing your energy elsewhere. Yeah, yeah, All right man. Thanks so much for being here, dude. This is amazing, Trisha, your hands. Yes, we always this is a very formal.

Speaker 1 57:43

Did you get that? Yeah, I did.

Speaker 2 57:49

Holy shit, I'm so sorry, and that was Jess breaking one of my glasses. It's okay, jess, they're cheap Kmart glasses. We can buy more. In fact, I don't think we'll buy from Kmart anymore, because that was. I think that's all the glasses broken now. They break very easily, so don't worry about it.

Speaker 2 58:04

Don't worry, wasn't that a beautiful chat, so personal and so insightful? It's um, it's a real, it's. It's really lovely that you were so willing to be so open and honest with me, jess. Now, I know she's really humble, but you can give her a follow on Instagram, jess. Underscore Kuss. That's J E double S. Underscore K U double S.

Final Thoughts and Outro

Speaker 2 58:24

Guys, join me next week. I've got another really wonderful guest coming in and, um, make sure you hit, subscribe and follow. Uh, I've got some pretty big guests coming on the show real soon. Uh, I'm not going to share too much cause I don't want to jinx it, but I'm very excited to share what's coming up. So, hit, follow, hit, subscribe and, guys, if you really like what I'm doing here, if this show fires you up creatively it's a lot of work and if you want to help me and help support the show, you can do so by signing up to the Patreon patreoncom slash, gopluckyourselfpod and becoming a member for as little as $5 a month. Okay, guys, I'll see you next week. My name is Chris Gunn and, hey, go pluck yourself.