Books4Guys - Randi-lee Bowslaugh

In this heartfelt interview, Randi-lee Bowslaugh shares her inspiring journey through adversity, her passion for kickboxing, and her impactful writing about addiction and mental health. 

Randi-Lee was born and raised in Ontario, Canada and from a young age she had a passion for helping others. She attended Niagara College and graduated at the top of her class from Community and Justice Services, after completing her placement at a recovery house for alcohol and drug addictions. Post- graduation she worked at a Native Friendship Centre for two and a half years while pursuing a university education in psychology. Randi-Lee continued working in social services for another four years as an employment counselor until she left to pursue her other passions.

Randi-Lee is an author and outspoken advocate for mental health sharing her true story with honesty. From the age of 14 she struggled with depressive thoughts. There were times in her life that she wasn’t sure how she would continue. Depression continues to be a battle in her life but she is glad that she continues to live. She has spoken at events that promote wellness and
compassionately shares her experiences with her own mental health. In 2021 she started a YouTube channel, Write or Die Show, to spread awareness about various mental health issues and to end the stigma associated with mental health.

Growing up she never felt that she fit in, being the last to understand jokes and confused about many emotions that she saw on others. In 2021 she finally had answers to the questions about herself that had been nagging at her. She was diagnosed with moderate Autism.

Another of Randi-Lee’s passions is kickboxing, which she has been doing for about 10 years. She was a Canadian National Champion in kickboxing in 2015, competed at the World’s kickboxing tournament later that year and in 2016 competed at the Pan-Am games where she received silver in her division. In 2020 she was chosen as one of the coaches for the Ontario Winter Games where she inspired and coached young athletes.

Randi is a mom to two, her youngest child has autism and grandma to one. Randi encourages and supports her youngest child's entrepreneurial spirit as he follows his dream of being an artist. When she can she incorporates his art into her stories.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:16

I uh my wife loves Vancouver.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

I've never visited.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

Okay, me neither. So she has spent she spent an entire week there. She's like, I swear, we have to go. You're gonna love it. It's like the best place ever.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

I hear it's gorgeous.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Yeah, same. So at some point, both of us will have we'll visit there at some point, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Some point, yeah. I got family out that way, but I just never been.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

Yeah, yeah. No, well, that's all well, Randy Lee, it is awesome to have you on the podcast today. And uh, we were just talking before we jumped on here just how crazy of a week it's been. And uh it seems like the years just flying by. And it's it's crazy. But nonetheless, I am so excited to have you to talk about your book, your latest book. And you have more than one book out there, I I've learned. So, and you also have a very unique background and just some of the things that you've grown up experiencing, and you write about a lot of that, um, and just a lot of personal development, things you had to learn about yourself throughout this whole process. And so, Randy Lee, I I want to just give you the floor for a little bit, and I would love for you just to share your story and just how you grew up, the things you experienced and had to endure, and how that led to you writing uh, you know, your books and also just kind of self-discovering a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Well, you might want to get cozy because that's a long story. No, I'll give you the short version. So, I mean, technically I've been writing my whole life. I used to write little household newspapers. So I've always been a writer, that's for sure. Growing up as a little kid, I mean, things were decent. People talk about, oh, I have this memory and that memory. I'm like, I have some, but not that many. Uh so my pa I don't remember my parents ever being together. So every other weekend I'd go to my dad's house who lived at my nana's. My nana was like that sweet old lady who always baked cookies. I I everyone in my family's fat because of that. But uh then my cousins lived up the street from there, so I spent a lot of time at their house. My dad and I it's so good of a relationship. My brother would always go with me, even though it was my dad, not his dad. We were we're half siblings, but his dad, I never met him. And so my brother was four years older than me. Um, as I got older, I realized that my dad was kind of a poop face. And so I decided to stop going. My brother had stopped going a few years before me, and then as a teenager, my brother started very heavy into drugs that'll come back around.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

And uh he was in and out of jail at the time. My little sisters were born. I was 10 and 12, and I was like, oh my gosh, I have baby sisters, this is the greatest thing ever. So we have the same dad and different moms. And then my mom got married to an alcoholic. So it was very rough as a teenager. Um I mean, as a teenager in general, you're trying to figure out who the heck you are. Didn't feel like I fit in. Uh, in my 30s, found out I have autism. I'm like, oh, everything makes sense. It's great. Back when you're a teenager trying to figure it out, I'm like, can we not just stay home and play Barbies? Like, I don't, I don't get this. Why do we want boyfriends? Boys are icky. Boys are still icky.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

So then uh as I got older and uh dealt with a lot of depression in those years, used writing as a coping strategy. Uh I moved out at 17. I got pregnant at 18. I started dating my now husband at 19. I went to college, graduated twice. I graduated actually at the top of my class from the community and justice services program. I did a drug and alcohol uh like a placement at a drug and alcohol recovery house, which was very cool. Um, I started work on my bachelor's degree of psychology, was also working in the field of social work, then went, oh no, there is so much red tape, you don't get to actually help anybody. Nope, not for me. I was also doing kickboxing at the time, and so I started to become a personal trainer and focus more on that stuff. All of this going on, um, and also my kid was going, for lack of a better term, crazy. We found out that she she was diagnosed with autism at the age of eight. She had her first suicide attempt at the age of nine. Um, we had to make the hardest decision any parent ever has to make, and we sent her to um like a like a treatment facility for three months when she was 10. Say it was 10, maybe 11. Um, best decision ever though. Like it was amazing for her, but it's so hard to to decide that. Um while we're deciding that and she's going away, I also have cancer, so I had two surgeries to get rid of that. Almost died from an infection afterwards. This was now we're in my early 30s, and so everything's going a little bit smoothly now that things are kind of looking up. I became a grandma, love him to bits and pieces. So I talk a lot about my younger daughter because she has gives me permission. I don't talk as much about my older daughter because, well, that's her life. Um, but I do have two. And I don't want her to feel forgotten because I do love her, but that's her story. And my husband also, right before we got married, he almost died, found out he's type one diabetic. He was in and out of the hospital. And then five years ago, uh, my brother died by drug overdose and lots of other crazy things that again, other people's stories. So I don't like to share too much about their side, but uh definitely affects me in a different way. So that is the cliff notes version.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

Yeah. I mean, that is uh that's a lot. I mean, I knew some of those things, I didn't know all of them, and just incredible. I I do share one, only one similarity with you. I was about to say, I don't I can't imagine most anything you're talking about, like what that is like to go through.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:27

My wife also is a type one diabetic, and she got diagnosed in her late 30s, so just a little over a year ago. So we experienced a hospital stay and some someone Yeah, it was very scary. So I know I at least know what that was like. It was very intense. And but that's just one thing I experienced in comparison to all the things that you've gone through. And I love that you're laughing and smiling about that and able to share because I think that's a very just I don't know, it's just very strong of you, and I think that's very important to to see. And I'm I know you've you've probably had your moments where you haven't been like that for sure, and you talk about all therapy. Yeah. Well, and you're very, you know, I've learned a lot about you as I've I've studied up for this conversation, but like an advocate advocate for mental health and how to work through things. But Randy Lee, how could so your book, Goodbye Too Soon, you know, is about your brother. Talk about just I don't know, how how long did it take for you to complete it? And just what was it like having to share that story? Because I'm sure in one sense, you're very proud to be able to talk about your brother. I'm sure there are moments where you're disappointed and you're sad, but just just talk through that with me and and the listeners. And what's that? What was that like?

SPEAKER_00 7:50

So it's actually uh a two-step thing because this is a re-release, um, totally updated version of the book. So the first book I wrote almost directly after his death. Like he had not been dead for very long by the time I wrote it. And it was a way for me to cope, obviously, a lot very cathartic to write about it, but also I kept thinking to myself when he died, his death can't mean nothing. And so, what can I do to bring some kind of meaning to it? And that's what I came up with was writing, because that's what I do. So I I did that first book, and it was just under a hundred pages, like it was a very condensed version of basically when I got the phone call, I was the lucky one to tell my mom, helping plan the funeral, going through all the emotions, but then delving into a little bit of research about what an addiction is, a little bit about coping. So last year I was talking to my publicist and he says, well, he puts on um like little little like meetings so we can learn stuff throughout the year. And he had put one together on making a movie out of a book. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is the greatest thing ever. And when I was little, I was gonna be a famous actor. I started off with like writing plays and skits and forcing my cousins to act them out with me. And like at my nana's house with my cousins, we would be filming, you know, those big, big old school cameras that had to go on your shoulder. Yeah, we would film, like make movies and stuff out in the farm. So it's in my DNA.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

And so I was like, this is the greatest thing ever. I need to turn a book into a movie. And I go, what book am I gonna do? It makes sense because this is such an important topic. It's not going away anytime soon. Let's turn this one. So I'm talking to Mickey and he's like, Okay, all right. He's trying, he's trying to visualize it with me because I do, I do often get ahead of myself in, you know, thought processes. I mean, so he has to kind of tamper me down a little bit. He's really good at that. And so he goes, Well, what book are you working on now? I said, I'm really just working on this script. He's like, Cool, you should have told me you're working on it six months ago, but that's cool. And he goes, Well, you know, as an author, you should be releasing and he's telling me all this technical stuff. But basically it came down to, well, since you don't have anything else in the works, but you want to do this book, what about doing an updated version now that the five-year anniversary is coming up? It's like, oh my gosh, this is that's genius. So he goes, Okay, you need 10 to 20% new content to say it is a new edition. Awesome. Easy peasy, 10 to 20 pages. Oh, I got this. 50 pages later. So 50% new content. So it's a much bigger. I go, huh. I think maybe it's done this time. We'll see. Maybe another five years. But so this time it really delved much deeper into the research side about what is addiction, how does it affect people, a lot more on coping. I went much, much deeper into coping strategies as well, which was kind of glossed over in the first one. So that and adding more emotion, I went through. And I mean, the first one people told me was emotional and made them cry. But this one, I think, because I had I've had time to process, I've had time to go to therapy and deal with all of the emotions. When I wrote that first book, yes, I was sad, but there was a lot of anger. Like I was P.O.'d at him for choosing the things he chose. And of course, in my head, I know you don't choose it, it's mental illness and yada yada. But it's the feelings, right? And so getting those on paper was so important for this round to really describe them. So I think it turned out fabulously. And I am now halfway through the script. So that's gonna turn out fabulously as soon as I figure out how to make an indie film, but that is coming.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

Yeah. Well, it's so cool that you have just a vision for this and and and more things in the works around it because it is important. And I'm sitting here thinking as you're talking, Randy Lee. Like, obviously, I've like personally, I'm just thinking of people like me. I've read about addiction and I've seen Netflix documentaries on it. It's one thing to open yourself up to try and understand it, and then totally different when it's like you you're living it, so you're you're trying to learn about it, and you're going through the emotions of being close to somebody who's struggling with it, and so you're battling, knowing like you know what you know from from a education standpoint, but the heart and and everything that's attached and what's going on in the emotional side. I I just you know, I I am trying to put myself there, but I just can't imagine what that feels like.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

And just to read the book that you'll know.

SPEAKER_02 12:34

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, of course, but it's just again, I just it's something that I'm just digesting of just everything that you have been able to work through and then now share with the world. And I think it's very important because someone out there is experiencing that and they're they're they're going through something similar. And I just think it's so courageous of you to put that out there because maybe someone reads that, or at some point, maybe someone watches the film and they can just be feel better about the situation and know they're not alone in going through that. And so I just that's all I can say. I'm just Rainy Lee, just how courageous you are. You're stronger than I have ever considered myself to be, which you know, and I just think that's so amazing of you.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

I find it funny when when people say that because I don't know how to take it because it's just my life, right? So it's either I give up, which I've definitely had those thoughts, planned that out, or I persevere and just go through it. So to me, it's just life, it's just normal. When somebody turns around and says things like, you know, you're courageous or you know, I can't imagine. I mean, thank you, because it does make me feel really good. But I'm always like, I can't imagine what life is like without all of this stuff.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

This has been your normal for so long.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Right? I don't know what life is like just being peaceful, just being, you know, fairly quiet in in terms of traumatic experiences.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

When do you ever find yourself, if things are going well, do you ever worry something is like do you ever do you ever do you keep yourself from feeling too much at peace because you think something's going to happen again? Or are you able to, you know, thanks to therapy and things, are you able to kind of balance out and try not to have those thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Yeah. So pretty much exactly what you said. I used to have those moments where it's like, hey, what when's the other shoe gonna drop? But now, because of therapy and working through things, it is, yeah, I know something's probably gonna happen, right? Eventually, but I'm not waiting for it to happen now. I'm enjoying the moments that I'm in now. So through therapy and yoga, yoga's really good for that. I know people like meditation. Haven't been able to quite get the whole meditation thing down, but I do enjoy a good yoga session or Pilates lately. But it and it just puts you in tune with the here and now, which is so much harder said than done.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

Yeah. Well, I don't want to get off topic too much, but since you brought up yoga and Pilates, I did want to bring up your passion for kickboxing because one of the coolest facts I read about you is you were a Canadian national champion in kicks kickboxing. Um, and you were in the world's kickboxing tournament later. I mean, you the Pan Am games. I mean, Randy Lee, you're kicking, kicking tail while going through this.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

I absolutely love kickboxing. I I've been out of it for a few years now because my body's like, oh, we're just not gonna work anymore. But I do, I'm working my way back to it. I feel like my husband's like, we'll see. And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna prove you wrong. But yeah, I started. It's actually the most hilarious story how I got started. So I'll I'll tell you because it's funny. It's totally off topic, but it's hilarious. My kid, my my youngest was about six. And we're like, okay, well, soccer didn't work out for her because she just stood on the field and picked the grass. Let's try something else. She wanted to try jujitsu. We're like, oh, that's cool. There's a place just at the mall. It's like five minutes from the house. It'd be awesome, perfect, let's go. So she is doing class, doing really well at it. I was so uh so upset when she decided to stop because she was doing so well. Anyways, and I look over, there's this adult cardio kickboxing class happening. And I go, wow, those girls have really nice butts. Like, I want to have one of those. I'm gonna try the class because it was the perfect time that was going on. I was already there, I might as well. So I joined the class. Turns out they're runners, that's where the nice butt came from, not the kickboxing, but that's how I got into it. Then I started loving it. When maybe try the real class, not just the card deal. Try the real like hitting people class. Try that class. I'm like, I really like hitting people. This is great. And then it just kind of snowballed from there. Um, and yeah, so I was able to meet, I was on Team Canada twice, once, like you said, for the worlds, once for the Pan Ams, where I did get silver. Um, and I it's it's just so cool because I got to go to Ireland, I got to go to Mexico on the team. It's just like I want to, that's why I was like, I gotta get back to it because the goal was to keep going on it so that I could keep traveling the world. Um, but you know, COVID kind of shut that down, and then my body kind of shut down, and so I'm figuring out how to maybe hopefully manage the pain level.

SPEAKER_02 17:31

Yeah, yeah. Well, and I don't know if there's any correlation, but I can imagine that kickboxing just because I loved working out and running. I played football in college, and like that was my outlet, and it is still is my outlet for after a stressful day, you know, it kind of winds me down. And I can imagine just with your life fighting, you know, in in a structured way, was probably very balancing for you to be able to release some of that when you go to practice or when you get to compete. I can imagine that was like a really good balance for you.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

It was like a second home being there. I was there so much. I loved it. And like just putting it into my my day-to-day life, like not even necessarily having to be there training, but I started my day with a nice run, which always the fresh air, I live right near the canal, so it's just a gorgeous run around. My husband's like, I will only run if someone's chasing me. So, you know, it's a great way to start the day. And then I was working in social services still at time. So at lunchtime, the one place I worked, we had an hour lunch. So I would either go for a walk or I learned that our YMCA was only like a five-minute drive away. So I started going there and going for a swim during lunch. And I had enough time because I had a whole hour, it was plenty of time. Um, and then I started working at a different place where we're only at half an hour. So I started doing a skipping routine just to just to do something in the middle of the day, get you going, and it really does help.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Yeah, I need to do more skipping. Yep. Thankfully I have a dog, and so I've got to walk him, you know, throughout the day. Yeah, that keeps you busy and on your toes, and when you gotta keep them active, they reciprocate and keep me active. So it's great. Good balance there. But Randy Lee, just I would like to ask, you know, with with this book in particular, when people who read it, if nothing else, what's what's one message you hope they take away from the book? What's is it something encouraging? Is it something that you want them to know? But what is it that you hope someone takes away after they read it?

SPEAKER_00 19:39

I mean, there's a whole bunch of things, but the what I would say one of those bunch of things is you can feel all the emotions that you want to feel. You want to be mad, be mad. You want to be sad, be sad. You want to be both, be both.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Simple as that.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Right? Well, you said one thing. So that's that's the thing. Feel what you want to feel.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

Feel what you want to feel.

SPEAKER_00 19:57

Let it ride.

SPEAKER_02 19:57

Yeah, no, I love that. We're any Lee, I got one last question for you. This has been this has been such a great conversation, and thank you for sharing all of all of this with us. Again, I'm just I'm still just mind-blown here. So um, but you you said you've always been a writer. Have you always been a reader along with that too? Or have has that been different for you?

SPEAKER_00 20:20

It's changed over the years, but I would say yes. When I was little, I really loved the poetry. What is it, Shell Stevenson or something? I'm so bad at names. Um, but there were these two poetry books at my school library when I was in elementary school. I always check the same two out over and over, loved them, along with The Jolly Postman. If you have never read The Jolly Postman, you need to. If you have children, it is a must. There is three of them because again, a little off topic. The book itself, you read it, but you take out the mail. So the postman is delivering to all of these fairy tales, and you actually take the mail out, and like one per one's a little puzzle to do, the other one is like a letter from the big bad wolf. And so it's not just a book, it's interactive, it's so much fun. I I absolutely loved all three of them when I was little. So then I got them for my kids and now my grandson. Love them. And then school kind of makes you hate reading. So at first in high school, when they're forcing me to read these books, I'm like, ugh, these are not fun. But then my mom started getting me at at like the Avondale up the street from our house. They were selling Stephen King books. I'm like, oh, okay. So I started reading those and then got back into reading because I love horror. So it's always there. It's just a matter of finding the books that you love. And that's why I hate that school really does tend to make kids shy away from it, the choices they make for forciful reading. But there are so many great books out there.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

Yeah. Well, I I love that you just shared that because that's the whole that's the whole reason Books for Guys was born was to try and give people books they're interested in reading so that they don't lose interest too early and so that they can actually start. That journey of enjoying reading, um, m maybe a little younger than myself, because I was the same way. I I didn't I I when you're told what to read, you just don't enjoy it as much. But when you get to pick, it really can lead to some really awesome things. Yeah. You learn a lot and you open yourself up a lot, and it's just a it's a magical journey once you get to do that. And so I'm glad you shared that because that that's the whole mission behind this. And so it's very cool. Yeah. But Randy Lee, thank thank you again so much for for this conversation. And we've we've got your book on the website. I'm gonna work on getting your other ones on there too. And I'm sure you're going to write many, many more.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

I I have actually like a a suspense one to start the first few chapters before I was like, I'm writing a movie script. So I will come back to that one because it's all plotted out. Yeah. So definitely got stuff coming. And I'm working on one with my kid. She does a lot of my artwork for my kids' books.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

The story's already written for like the past year. Um, and I'm just waiting for her to finish the darn artwork because she takes forever.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

No, well, when as you continue to put work out though, we'll proudly spotlight it for you and share it. And so it would be an honor. But Randy Lee, we can't wait to see, we can't wait to see your future movies that are put out there. We can't wait to see your future work. It's so we're excited for you. And and thanks again, Randy Lee. This has been a pleasure.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Thanks for having me.