Paging Dr. Mom

9: Finding Calm in Chaos: Stacey Johnson on Overcoming Grief, Decision Fatigue & Reclaiming Yourself

• Angelle Downey • Season 1 • Episode 9

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In this inspiring conversation, Stacey Johnson opens up about her journey through grief, motherhood, and the invisible weight so many women carry. We talk about decision fatigue, overthinking, and the power of nervous system regulation to bring calm even in the busiest seasons of life. Stacey shares how she went from reacting in chaos to reclaiming herself with intention—and how you can, too. If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying it all alone, this episode is a reminder that calm, clarity, and self-love are possible.


Connect with Stacey:

Facebook: facebook.com/stacey.v.johnson

YouTube: Stacey Johnson Coaching

Website: www.staceyjohnsoncoaching.com

Free Resource: Calm and Focus Breakthrough Kit


This episode includes a paid partnership with BetterHelp. Click the link, betterhelp.com/drdowney, to get 10% off your first month.

Click below to purchase the 365 day journal I created called Enough As I Grow. I am a proud affiliate partner with Amazon and will receive a commission from purchases at no extra cost to you.

🖋️ Enough as I Grow 365 day Guided Journal on Amazon

Email: drangeladowney@gmail.com
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🎵 Music: Upbeat Strings by Evan MacDonald

SPEAKER_01:

Today's episode is all about those moments when life feels heavier than we can possibly carry. We're talking about grief, overwhelm, and the invisible weight that so many of us moms shoulder every single day. But we're also talking about what's possible on the other side. Calm in the chaos, clarity when the decisions won't stop, and finding yourself again after feeling loss. My guest Stacy Johnson has lived this journey, and I know her story and her tools are going to speak straight through to your heart. Hey, hey, I'm Dr. Angela Downey, and this is Paging Dr. Mom, the podcast for women who are juggling careers, kids, chaos, and cold cups of coffee. We're talking about the real life behind the resumes, the messy moments, big feelings, and how to stay human when you're doing all the things. If you've ever felt like the only one trying to keep it together, you're not. We're gonna laugh, cry, vent, and thrive together. So here we go. Hello to all my busy mamas. I'm Dr. Angela Downey, and I'm so glad that you're hanging out with me on Paging Doctor Mom. This podcast is for all of us who are just trying to keep it all together while juggling kids, careers, and whatever else life throws our way. We're gonna be exploring all those moments that we definitely wouldn't be putting on our resumes. I want to introduce you to today's guest. Stacy Johnson is a therapist, woman empowerment coach, and a mother of two girls. She became a widow in 2021, and that's when she pivoted into coaching high-achieving women move from overwhelm to clarity and confidence. She guides women to regulating the nervous system, break free from overthinking, and reconnecting with themselves and their loved ones. Stacy's mission is simple: to show women that they don't have to carry it all alone, and that true strength comes from receiving support, embracing self-love, and living with purpose. I'm so excited to have her on the show today. So let's give a warm welcome to Stacy Johnson. Hi, Stacy. It's so great to have you on Paging Doctor Mom today. How are you? I'm good, thank you. How are you? Good, good. I'm really glad that you're able to be here for us and that we're finally able to connect. It's great to have you here. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your journey to becoming a woman empowerment coach?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Yes, I am a mom. I have two young adults. And um I live in Ohio. I've been a therapist for like 25 years. And uh it was uh it'll be four years in November that my husband passed away suddenly. And uh about a year after he passed away, I decided that I wanted to increase the income. So I started doing some telehealth because I've been a therapist, but I was working in a school, and so I decided that I wanted to increase our income, but not give away my time from my family. So doing telehealth answered that. And as I was doing telehealth, I found that a lot of women that were coming to me were overwhelmed, burnt out. Um, some of them had losses like myself, but then they also had the the theme of just losing their own identity, and they didn't really know who they were, and they were feeling this very overwhelmed just from life. And so I decided that I would expand my therapy experience and start doing coaching to help more women because when you were in therapy, you can only stay in the state that you are living in and that you're licensed in. So I wanted to expand that and start doing coaching, and so that's how I became a woman empowerment coach, and that's my mission is to help women regulate their nervous system and emotions, find out who they are and love themselves.

SPEAKER_01:

I probably should have been a client of yours, to be honest with you. So I burnt out a couple of years ago, and I had no idea who I was. I had gone through medical school with two kids, I had no time for myself. Um, and even as I was going through my practice, I still kind of my identity was being a mom, my identity was being a doctor. I didn't know who I was outside of that because it had been years since I had had even just five minutes to sit with myself and figure out what it was that I liked and what it was that I wanted. I think it's great that that you help women rediscover themselves and and figure out who they are in their roles outside of being a parent or or a doctor. Right, right. So your your husband passed away, which I'm I'm very sorry to hear that. You really had to pivot at that point and try to figure out how you were going to help your family. And life is all about pivoting when when things aren't going the way that we expect. So can you take us a little back to to 2021 a little bit and how that experience shifted the way that you saw yourself as a mom and as a woman?

SPEAKER_00:

Right. Well, that identity as a wife had shifted drastically as I started my grief journey. That's really when I started to realize, like, I don't know who I am. Like, I've been John's wife, I've been, yeah, the mom, I've been a therapist, I've been the school supervisor, but I didn't know who I was. And so through my grief journey in 2021, and when he first passed away, it was three and a half weeks after my stepfather had passed away. So I had experienced these two major losses back to back. Um, my mom had um, you know, suffered, you know, she ended up having heart symptoms the night that my stepfather passed away. I had to admit her, so I had to get her stabilized, and so I just went into doing. That was how my nervous system said, This is what keeps you safe. You know how to do. You just keep pushing through, and everybody kept saying, You're so strong, you're so strong. And I'm like, I don't feel so strong. I felt like I was like unraveling, and I even would cry in the shower so that my kids wouldn't see me crying. Uh, I would spend most of my car rides back and forth to work, just running through everything in my head of like when he first got sick, did I ignore something? Should I have done something different? And all these things kept popping up. And I had attended some grief podcast, and the things that um I was hearing was like, those are all things that I should know as being a therapist, and so I really started to deepen to like recognizing like what I need to take care of now instead of focusing on the what-ifs, I started changing the what-if statements to what can I do right now, and focusing more on the present moments of any problems that were being faced. And if there was no problem, just learning how to sit and pause and give myself grace and not have to find things to do.

SPEAKER_01:

And I feel like for years I was stuck in this just like you said, just doing right, it's all about the logistics. How are you gonna get the kids to their pra soccer practice? How are you gonna get the kids to school? You need to make lunches. It's all about what do I need to do? And you are not sitting with yourself in any way.

SPEAKER_00:

No, no, and I recognize then too is that women, um, especially high-achieving women who we do dupe all the time, we just keep going and going. I call us the CEO managers of our household. We have a full-time job, but then we're also the CEO of our household, like we manage everything. Yeah, like you said, practices and school lunches and all these uh doctor's appointments, and and so um I that's when I really started to see like one, I didn't know who I was, and two, I was always just doing, and so that's what made me so overwhelmed was just all the doing, and so I started to do that shift during my grief journey of recognizing like what I need to do to take care of myself, find my identity, and learn how to pause.

SPEAKER_01:

How does stress come up for you? Like, how do you know when you're you said that you are overwhelmed? What is that what does that look like in how you're believe behaving in your relationships and in your everyday life?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, the first sign that I ignored for years was just that tension in my shoulders and just that heavy feeling like something was sitting on my chest. I ignored that for years, and that was my nervous system trying to tell me like you're doing too much. And so that was my first tail tie now. Now I know like if I start to feel that I there's something I need to change. But then it also like I recognize now that how many times I would just get frustrated over the little things like dishes being in the sink, or uh you're in the middle of cooking dinner and thinking about how you're gonna do the next thing, and someone says, Oh, by the way, I need a poster board for school tomorrow, and you're like, ah, like add that to my list, like freak out, right? And so, yeah, I I recognize now that those were the signs that I was not being the best version of myself because I yelled more often than I should have.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, my patients it gets just razor thin and it does not take much to throw me over the edge when when I'm not taking care of myself and when my cup is completely empty and I just I can't take care of can barely take care of myself, so it becomes hard to take care of other people. Right. And it's it's interesting you mentioned your child bringing up the poster board. I um at one point one of the best things that I ever did for myself was set this kind of rule with my kids that after nine o'clock, I am no longer a parent. Um, I will do everything I need to do to get you up to nine o'clock. If you need something the next day, you need to give me fair warning. Otherwise, it's just it can't happen. And I just I knew that I needed that that one hour to myself before bed. My kids had gotten to a point where they were able to put themselves to sleep. I I miss those days that they went to bed at 7 o'clock. Right. And as they got older and they stayed up later and later and later, it just it just cut into my personal time, and that was really tough. So at some point I just said, nine o'clock, I am no longer your parent.

SPEAKER_00:

Good role.

SPEAKER_01:

You need to take care of yourself. Yeah, and I'm not leaving the house for no one. I don't put I don't take off my PJs and get back into my clothes at that point. Right, right. Yeah. What role did reconnecting with yourself play in helping you move from reacting to chaos to responding with intention and grace?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so that I've noticed a big difference in regards to those little things don't frustrate me. Those daily little disruptions don't frustrate me like they used to. Excuse me. And I the the connecting to myself has allowed me to recognize like when I need that breath. And so taking that breath to pause has allowed me now to respond with intention instead of reaction. Uh, you know, and now I recognize the signs earlier that I'm starting to get too full. Uh, you know, there's some times that I can go back to back to back with uh telehealth stuff, and then I just recognize, like, okay, you need a couple minutes to reconnect to yourself. And so I take those deep breaths, I just sit in silence and allow myself that couple moments to just again catch your breath and not force yourself to do, which has allowed me to again be more intentional with my reactions and and knowing myself.

SPEAKER_01:

It sounds like you're regulating your nervous system, you're getting yourself out of this fight, flight, or freeze response that you can get when you're really stressed out. Yes, yes. Do you have any other good practices that feel doable if you're busy and working and juggling all sorts of things?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, I've I've really started a more of a morning routine where it sounds like, oh, that's one more thing on my list.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But I've found that giving myself a couple minutes in the morning without looking at my phone, it's almost before I even put my feet on the floor, I do some grounding work and I do like a couple minute meditations, which has allowed me to then just reflect on because the other thing that I noticed for myself is that when I was feeling so overwhelmed, also the internal voices of like you're not doing enough, or if you are resting, you're not being a good mom, or you're not being a good wife. So setting that intention in the morning and reflecting on the things that I appreciate and then I'm grateful for, and then I end my day with three things that I've accomplished, big or small, because then again, I am recognizing that, like because I'm taking more time for myself, I'm giving myself that grace that I don't have that chatter inside my head, that I'm able to recognize that and tone that off too.

SPEAKER_01:

A couple years ago, I started doing the gratefulness routine in the morning, and sometimes I'm doing it while I'm getting dressed or in the shower. It doesn't have to be something where I take dedicated time to do it, although that is really nice to do, but it really helps me focus on what I already have as opposed to the things that are broken or not working in my life. Um just just taking that minute to to look for those things, and then it kind of sets the tone for the whole day.

SPEAKER_00:

It does, it does, and adding in when I've added in the ending, again, it doesn't have to always be written down, but I just give myself that couple seconds to recognize the three things that I've accomplished because again, your brain looks for the things that are again broken or went wrong, and that's where our overthinking can come in, and overthinking can play a role in our feelings of overwhelmed. So just allowing myself to be like, yeah, you you did do, you were able to finish that, or you did do. I like to sandwich the day because then it kind of starts your day well and then kind of ends your day, like, yeah, things that did go pretty well today.

SPEAKER_01:

I like that. I would often replay conversations that I'd had during the day, and I would end up beating myself up, right? Oh, I should have prescribed this instead of that, or I should have told this patient this instead of that. So I would end up replaying things. It drives it drives me bananas and it just makes me feel bad about myself. And so I like that the things that you've accomplished, you start your day with something positive and then you end your day with something positive as well.

SPEAKER_00:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. I had to tell myself, just stop it, right? Like nobody noticed that you said this one thing that sounded funny. There's no sense in beating yourself up at the end of the day, and you're already good enough just as you are, and those patients will continue to come and see you, and every everything is fine, and you're probably just beating yourself up more than than anybody else would.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. And those the those negative comments that we tell ourselves, or those kind of replays, can increase that feelings of overwhelm and stress because again, our brain doesn't shut off, and so if we train it to shut off and recognize that like these are the three things, or even more, but I always start with three. Like, and again, they can be big or small, especially when my husband passed away, recognizing that the small things count too, like they all don't have to be over these really big things, like just me coming home and to an empty house at first was an achievement for me.

SPEAKER_01:

I love that, it's one of my favorite things. Just, oh my gosh, everything is just so quiet. How did this happen? It's a gift when you come home to an empty house and uh and and you have a couple minutes to breathe before you get started in all the chaos again. Right. So a lot of women feel like they should be able to handle everything. So, why do you think we are so resistant to asking for help?

SPEAKER_00:

Again, I it's sometimes those messages that we have in our own head of like, I have to do, because if I'm not doing, then I'm not good enough. And so, and if I ask for help, again, it might tell someone that I'm not good enough or I can't handle this. And so women have been doers since the beginning of time, we've been the caretakers of everybody. We think back to our pioneer days of when the women were again managing the house, the husband would hunt and then women would do everything else, and so it's just in our nature to do. And again, it it's those messages of like, if I ask for help, then I'm seen as weak, and I can't be seen as weak, so I'll just keep doing. And then we're not we're ignoring our own body of when we need to rest and recognizing that rest is good take it. That's good self-care. If our body is telling us that, like, okay, that thing on the the to-do list is okay, it it will last, it'll be there tomorrow. Take the moment to rest. By weekends, when the kids were younger and everybody was just moving, moving, moving. I thought, oh, I can't wait till the weekend. But then the weekend would come and I'll be like, No, I can't sit down. I gotta clean the house, I gotta do the laundry, I gotta do this, gotta do that. And then the weekend would be over, and you're like, Oh gosh, I can't wait till the next weekend. And then just feel like you never took that time to take care of ourselves. And it's a must because eventually we do get to that point where our cup is so overflowing that we can't put anything else in it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. It's funny you mentioned the hunter-gatherers where the men would go hunting and the women would do everything else. It reminds me of like that steak barbecue that you put on in the backyard, right? Husband goes out and cooks the steak, and everyone's like, Wow, the steak is amazing, good job on this barbecue. Meanwhile, someone had to like clean the house and wipe down all the patio furniture, do all the grocery shopping, cook the corn, the potato salad, everything. Um, so yeah, sometimes it's it's it's hard to be that person who might not get recognized, but it's hard to ask for help, and it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to make it into a potluck. We don't have to do everything ourselves. My dinners changed dramatically when I started making everything into a potluck. And you know, I would say I'm responsible for these things, you guys bring the rest, and uh it's lovely. I actually get to enjoy some of the meals now, so it's really good. Right, right, yeah. So a lot of women carry this huge um mental load. So the things that you don't see, right? Getting ready for making sure all the chocolates are bought, because Easter's coming or dental appointments, making sure everyone's on track. So women are constantly thinking and overthinking. And sometimes we run into things like decision fatigue because it's everywhere. We're having to make decisions constantly. We're doing it at work, we're trying to come up with the best plans for everybody. And everyone says, Well, you're the doctor, you tell me what to do. You're trying to have this collaborative approach. So you're constantly coming up with plans, best decisions, and you're doing that at home as well. So, what do you see happening there? And how does that decision fatigue and constant overthinking impact our daily lives?

SPEAKER_00:

It impacts our daily life because like that decision fatigue is when someone says, like, what do you want to do for dinner tonight? And you're like, I don't know, I don't care. And you just can't make that decision. You just feel like you're just oh like I just don't want to make one more decision. So it can show up as procrastination too, like not being able to finish a task or get started on a task, because you just can't make that decision to do it. And that was that was a big thing for me. I always remember like my husband be like, Hey, let's go out to dinner tonight, where do you want to go? And I'll be like, I don't care. But ultimately, I probably did care, but I one didn't want to make that decision, and two, it was like, what if what if they really don't want to go there? So someone else make the decision. So, but yeah, it shows up in um procrastination. It can show up sometimes. It it can because we're not making decisions and are asking other people, or we second guess ourselves, so then we ask other people, like, is that okay? And they're like, It's fine, and then like, are you sure? So then it can start arguments and relationships because we are not willing to make a decision.

SPEAKER_01:

Do you have any practical steps that women can take to stop spinning in this decision fatigue and move forward?

SPEAKER_00:

So I use a lot of mindfulness, and in my um coaching program, we work a lot on um you know overthinking, and so we do a lot on cognitive restructuring and recognizing like when we are overthinking. Uh, one, if I have an overthinker that sees that she's overthinking all the time, uh, one of the practices I too is let them know, like you give yourself permission to overthink, but identify a time in the day that you're gonna do that, and then you do a thought dump, just let it all out so that when you find yourself overthinking in the day, you say to yourself, like, no, I'm not doing that right now. We're gonna do that during our thought dump time. And what starts to we create this pattern and we become more in charge of our thoughts, and so then when you do that consistently enough, we find that we're not doing as much overthinking during the day, or we find that what we were overthinking wasn't really needed, anyways. It was not something because, like you said, you found yourself like replaying conversations or replaying decisions you already made in the day when those have already been made. You can't go back and change it. So, you know, sometimes when we when we get back in that habit of putting control in our own thoughts, we get in that we start to recognize that we're thinking things that we can't change, anyways. Let's focus on the things that we can change. When someone's also gets in that decision fatigue, I tell them to take that breath and really start to tune in to like listening to themselves and asking themselves, okay, what is the problem I'm facing right now? Like again, that decision fatigue. We're so focused on everything else that we're not focused on the current problem.

SPEAKER_01:

Do you think perfectionism plays a role in that? Oh I know I'm a perfectionist, I'm a type A perfectionist, and I'm sure a lot of my colleagues are as well. Oh, for how do you let go of that perfectionism so that you don't get caught in this overthinking pattern?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, well, for perfectionism is related to again, those thoughts that we have, and usually it's the thoughts about ourselves, and somewhere along the line, we may have gotten this sentence in our head of I'm not good enough, and so we're always again doing more to try to prove and learning to let go of that control because perfectionism is sometimes related to that control of like I want it this way, and if it doesn't go this way, then I get irritable, I get overwhelmed, and again recognizing like what do what can I have control over? And so we do a lot of work in regards to just changing our thoughts and having different playlists in our heads that help us make better, you know, make make decisions more confidently.

SPEAKER_01:

I also started thinking about like what's the minimum I need to do for this to be okay, right? Dinner doesn't have to be a four-course meal every night. Sometimes cereal is okay, sometimes toast is okay. Um, so what is the minimum I need to do to achieve what I what I want? And letting go of that need to have things be perfect before I move forward. So, and that's actually, I think I wanted to start a podcast a really long time ago, and what held me back was it needs to be perfect. I have to do all of these things for it to go where I want it to go. And I wasn't getting anywhere because you're never gonna have a perfect. So I ended up just recording my first episode and and and I asked my partner, I'm like, is this the minimum that I need to be doing for this to be a real podcast, right? And so yeah, perfectionism can really hold you back, it keeps you spinning your wheels. You need to get over trying to make things perfect, you'll never get there.

SPEAKER_00:

Right, right. And well, it falls into that category of procrastination, so it goes into that decision fatigue as well, you know, and also that there's usually again messages in our heads that internal chatter that we've believe that why we have to be perfect.

SPEAKER_01:

What kind of freedom did you gain when you kind of just started reclaiming yourself?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's amazing because now, like I used to be an overthinker. Like I would, and there'd be times when I'd walk up my stairs and be like, Why did I walk up here? Like I knew there was a purpose for the beginning, but all of my thoughts consume so much, like it's like almost a computer. A computer can only have so many open tabs before it's runs efficient, and that's the same thing with our brains. We can only hold so much information. So for overthinking all the time, and so my freedom when I started to connect to myself, I s stopped overthinking as much, and so I started to recognize because I was really getting concerned that I was going in the early stages of Alzheimer's because it's in our family, and I really kept thinking, and I would say to my dad, I'm like, What how old was grandma when she started to show signs? And he's like, Stop. You you have too many things that you're doing, and I'm like, Oh, what does he know? Well, he knew more because and once I started to stop overthinking, I did notice like how much more that I'm able to like just one, I also was more present to. I was more, you know, not always thinking about the what ifs or what can I what do I have to do next? I was more present in conversations. So one, I was remembering more because I was more present, and two, I wasn't overthinking, so just thinking like going up the stairs was like, oh, and now I know why I came up here. But that also that that like my my nervous system was regulated, and so I wasn't I was responding more intentionally, I didn't feel like I'm carrying that weight on my shoulder. I mean, I went to physical therapy probably for three months because my neck was so strained, and I kept thinking, just give me a muscle relaxer, just give me, I just need, you know, and it wasn't going away. And they gave me techniques that helped, but ultimately it was when I started to shift and change how I looked at stress and how I handled stress and taking when I became that connected to myself, it was uh able to open up more of my clarity, my problem solving.

SPEAKER_01:

The chatter went away. The a couple of years ago, I I was completely burnt out, and like you said, I I also thought I might have early dementia. Um, things weren't um things weren't computing as well as they did, but I I had no way of just sitting down and doing nothing, and I I felt like sitting down and resting was kind of lazy, and I needed to be productive all the time and just just keep going. And it really wears you down after a while, and we need to learn to take those five minutes before you get to that point. Um, a few years ago I got I actually got really sick and um I ended up having like osteomyelitis and septic arthritis, and I needed to be on IV antibiotics for like six months, and I was actually, I was like, oh, this is great, this is like a vacation. And I'm like, no, this is not a vacation. You're sick. If you want a vacation, you can take a vacation. You don't have to work yourself to the point that you're sick just so that you can have a few minutes of rest. To yourself. Right. Um, and that was it it needed a mindset shift for me. I needed to learn how to rest and just be by myself. Um, and to be okay, not doing everything else, and just you know, knowing that the kids are gonna be okay if they're playing with their toys for a while. I just I'm gonna go sit for a little while.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. It that's the thing is that women tend to, it almost is like they need some kind of intervention like that to come to that breaking point where it shouldn't be like we really should be taking care of ourselves, like we take care of everybody else. And that is one thing that I teach in my um program is that I give everybody a self-care assessment and we evaluate everywhere all the areas of their life that need self-care. So it's the physical piece, it's the mental piece, it's the spiritual piece, it's all of it. And we put into place things that we can do during the day because so many people are like, I don't have time for self-care, or I don't have the money. Well, taking care of ourselves does not have to cost any money, and it doesn't have to take a long time, like you don't have to go to the gym every day. We talk about how we can put self-care into our day so that we're not getting to that burnout where our body is like, I've had enough, and since you haven't listened to me, I'm gonna give you something to listen to.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, and then you just keep getting sicker and sicker, you develop heart palpitations or you start developing colds more often. Right. Um, your body will eventually start shutting itself down, just not being able to maintain those high cortisol levels for for too too much longer. Right. I used to always find that I was looking for more hours in a day. I was like, wow, how can I how can I work more? How can I fit more into this this 12 hours? Well, maybe or 16 hours, maybe I'll stay up later, maybe I'll wake up earlier, and just trying to reclaim some of those hours when really I just needed to start getting rid of some stuff so that I'm not working as many hours as I was, or I don't have as many responsibilities, and a lot of those responsibilities can go away. You don't, a lot of them aren't necessary, and that's where my theory of like what is the minimum I need to do to have these things happen during the day, and it was it was a game changer for me to have to be able to remove those things from my day and and to have more time to do the things that I wanted to do. And of course you have to make sure you don't fill them up with other little things, which is another thing I I did tend to do, but just reclaiming that time. And if you've set 15 minutes aside to do meditation or or whatever it is, not not to fill that up with something else that isn't gonna fill your cup. Right, right.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, the um and that whole piece of you know letting go of that control is learning that, you know, again, asking for help, so delegating, learning that it's okay to delegate some of the responsibilities that we take on.

SPEAKER_01:

The yeah, my kids learn to make lunches very early, very, very young. And um, yeah, it was great to delegate that and help them get their stuff ready for the week, and then they would just pack their lunches every day, and so they they've been making their lunches for a long time, and it was nice to have that off my plate, and they're totally capable of doing it, and they're gonna eat, they're gonna bring with them the things that they want to eat. I mean, you have to make sure they're not just bringing a bunch of chocolate bars, but kids are capable of of helping, and um my kids also learned to do laundry uh pretty young, which was which was really helpful.

SPEAKER_00:

I agree. I had my kids doing the same tasks, and um you know, I met with a client this morning and uh she kept saying all the things, and I'm like, your kids are at the age where they could start doing some things. Do they do anything in the house? She's like, no. I'm like, well, let's start there. Let's start looking at some things that you can start asking for help on.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, sometimes I always thought it's just easier for me to do it myself. But the kids, the kids learn to do things, and it might not be as great as what what you're doing, but it's nice to have those things off your plate. Right, right. So you've been taking care of yourself for a couple of years now and really kind of doing that introspective work. How has that affected your kids and the way that they grow up?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so they've um, you know, shortly after my husband passed away, we had to get I had one graduating from high school, and so we had to get her off to college, and she did thank me for the resilience that I had because she was like, you know, mom, this has taught me, but now that I have connected to myself more, they're recognizing, like, oh, it's okay to come to mom with our problems too, because she's not going to get frustrated with it. So our relationships, I think, you know, they've definitely have um gotten stronger in regards to the emotional connectivity. Uh, but they are noticing themselves, I need to take a break because they've been putting too much on themselves, too. Unfortunately, they probably learned some bad habits watching me as they were growing up in regards to we could go to school and we can do this and we can do this all at the same time and recognizing how much do I need to do right now.

SPEAKER_01:

I think it's good to s have kids see you take care of yourself, and then they're not gonna feel any sense of responsibility to have to take care of you. If you're if you're taking care of yourself, then they are free to to take care of themselves and do what they need to do without having to worry about is mom gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I mean, they they used to think we we don't want to leave you alone, mom. We feel bad, like if you're alone. I'm like, I I'm okay being alone. I have learned, like now that I can connect to myself, it's not lonely. Like I have found joy in an everyday situation, like sitting outside and having the sun hit my you know cheeks can bring me joy. Like I don't need you to be here. So they've learned that they are okay with leaving me alone as well.

SPEAKER_01:

That's good. So if a listener is in this place of like total exhaustion today and feeling like she's carrying it all, what is the first small step that she can do to move towards calm and clarity?

SPEAKER_00:

I would say first thing is taking breath, you know, learning to take that breath and it's a hand over their heart, breathe in for four, hold it, and then release it. And when you release it, almost say to yourself, like, I'm releasing that stress or I'm releasing that pressure that I have on myself. And that's signaling to your brain that one, you're safe, like that motion of just holding yourself gives yourself that like I am safe and I'm okay in this moment, but then that breath just slows us down to be able to focus more on like what is what is currently do I need to deal with. Again, we we get we get so like again thinking about oh, I gotta take the kids to the soccer practice, oh I gotta have dinner by done by this, so we can get to soccer practice on time, and I gotta do this and I gotta do that. That breath slows us down, so it starts to help you. Um I I don't want to use the word prioritize because everything's important most of the time when we're you know thinking like that. Uh but it slows you down to like focus on the that moment.

SPEAKER_01:

It's really important to bring yourself back to the present moment instead of worrying about everything else that's gonna be happening.

SPEAKER_00:

That that that is you know, that's one quick step is just owning our, you know, recognizing that our breath is that it's powerful and it can slow us down to start regulating our nervous system so that we can start looking at everything because it's all a package deal, you know, it all goes together.

SPEAKER_01:

Stacy, I love quotes. Is there a particular quote or a mantra that you love and would like to share with us?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so shortly after my husband passed away, um, my best friend um handed me a plaque, and then like a couple weeks later, it was a card or a and then we got and it was you got this. And even though, again, that's kind of like opposite on what we're trying to help women do is asking for support, um, but just recognizing that because a lot of times when we are overwhelmed, we feel like we don't have this, and so that mantra is like in a couple of places in my house, just reminding me that, like, yes, I do have this.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And you've got this can also mean I'm gonna be asking for help. Um, and that everything's gonna be okay, and I'm gonna use all the tools that are at my disposal, and I'm gonna be asking for help. It's gonna be okay. So you've got this doesn't mean that you're taking it all on yourself.

SPEAKER_00:

Right, exactly. So, how can listeners find you? Uh, I am on uh social media, I'm on uh Facebook, I am on Instagram, I've got a YouTube channel, Surviving Disruption. Okay, and um an easy, really easy way to get a hold of me is through my email, which is Stacy at Stacy JohnsonCoaching.com.

SPEAKER_01:

Amazing. I'm gonna put those links in the show notes. And you've also got a freebie, uh calm and focused breakthrough kit. Tell me about that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that um kit is um it's a powerful resource that I designed um to help women identify and manage overwhelm. Uh, we build emotional uh resilience and grounding uh because I do I have an uh overwhelm awareness uh survey in there so it really starts to identify the some of the areas where we are feeling overwhelmed at. And I provide a grounding meditation that they can listen to, um, they can go to it on several times, and with some reflection journal prompts, and again, it gives them that chance to kind of reflect on you know, where is that overwhelm and what do I need to do to take care of myself? And with that, um inside there is a free link to or a link to my free mission demotion call, which gives them a chance to talk to me about this overwhelm awareness checklist, and we can kind of problem solve through it, and I provide them a tip to start with.

SPEAKER_01:

Amazing, Stacy. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your heart with us today. This conversation was such a gift, and I know that a lot of women listeners out there are gonna feel a little bit lighter and a lot more hopeful because of what you've shared. So I'm grateful that you could be here with us today. Thank you. Thank you for having me. And thanks to all of you who are hanging out with us on Paging Dr. Mom. If you enjoyed today's episode, go ahead and hit follow or subscribe so you don't miss what's coming up next. And if you want to keep the conversation going, you can find me over on Instagram at dr Angela Downey. I'd love to hear from you. Take care for now, you're doing better than you think. That is it for today's episode of Paging Dr. Mom. If it made you smile, nod along, or feel just a little more seen, then go ahead and hit that follow button and share it with a friend who needs to hear it. Take care for now, you're doing better than you think.