19: Postpartum, Burnout & Coming Back to Yourself: A Conversation with Urvi Shah

In this heartfelt conversation, mindfulness coach and author Urvi Shah joins me to talk about the emotional challenges so many mothers face—especially around fertility, postpartum depression, and returning to work. She opens up about her own journey through IVF, the heartbreak of feeling disconnected from her newborn, and the healing power of mindfulness, breathwork, and nervous system regulation. If you’ve ever felt like you lost yourself in motherhood or didn’t know how to ask for help, this episode will make you feel seen, supported, and reminded that you’re not alone.

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Website: www.innerserenitylifecoaching.com 

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🎵 Music: Upbeat Strings by Evan MacDonald

Transcript

Welcome And Why Moms Feel Lost

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Today's episode is for every mother who's ever felt overwhelmed or disconnected from herself or just unsure of how to balance it all. Especially when it all includes a career, kids, and a constant mental load. I'm joined by Irving Shaw, a mindfulness coach and spiritual healer who brings a powerful mix of lived experience and transformative tools to this conversation. We talk about the emotional toll of postpartum depression or the challenge of returning to work while mentally depleted and how so many women slowly lose themselves in motherhood without even realizing it. Hey, hey, I'm Dr. Angela Downey, and this is Paging Doctor Mom, the podcast for women who are juggling careers or kids for chaos and cold cups of coffee. We're talking about the real life behind the resumes, the messy moments, bigger feelings, and how to stay human when you're doing all the things. If you've ever felt like the only one trying to keep it together, you're not. We're gonna laugh, cry, vent, and thrive together. So here we go. Hello to all my busy mamas. I'm Dr. Angela Downey, and I'm so glad that you're hanging out with me on Paging Doctor Mom. This podcast is for all of us who are just trying to keep it all together while juggling kids, careers, and whatever else life throws our way. We're gonna be exploring all those moments that we definitely would not be putting on our resumes. So I want to introduce you to today's guest. Irving Shaw is a certified mindfulness coach and wellness practitioner who supports women through stages of fertility to postpartum. She teaches tools like meditation, breath work, and EFT tapping, and brings deep experience in emotional and nervous system regulation. She is also the author of The Soul Full Room, a guide for mothers seeking more calm, clarity, and connection. I'm so glad to have Irvie on the show today. Her own journey through fertility struggles, postpartum depression, and burnout is one that many of us will relate to. And she brings both compassion and practical tools to help mums reconnect with themselves. So let's get into it. Hi, Irvi. It's so great to have you on Paging Doctor Mom today. How are you?

SPEAKER_00 2:52

I'm good. Thank you for having me, Angela.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

I'm really excited to have you here. So thank you for being with us. So maybe we can start by having you introduce yourself and tell us about your journey to becoming a mindfulness coach and spiritual healer.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Yeah, yeah. So it was a it was a pretty interesting journey to get there. But I'm Irvi. I am a mindfulness coach certified from ICF and also a spiritual healer. And so I got certified in many different mindfulness techniques like meditation, empty tapping, one breath work, and then other spiritual modalities like energy healing. I work primarily with moms. And so women that are going through their motherhood journey, I kind of blend the world of coaching and mindfulness and spirituality to kind of help with their healing journey. Um I kind of stumbled on this space of particularly where I'm working right now with moms through my own journey of becoming a mom. And so as I was going through my own journey and like my own healing, I started to understand like what I was looking for wasn't really out there. Um and I started to feel very called to be that person, be that leader for other mothers. And um I started to work in a space and start to, you know, really cultivate a community and support groups that can like help postpartum mothers or mothers that are within pregnancy phase.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Yeah. So you've been really open about your own struggles with fertility and postpartum mental health. Are you open to sharing a little bit about that chapter in your life and how it shaped your mission for today?

Fertility Roadblocks And Vaginismus

SPEAKER_00 4:19

Yes, yeah. So we'll start off with fertility first. So I was already around 30, 31 when I started to think about having a child, having a baby. And so I knew that I had to maybe start to think about the options of like different um fertility options, just understanding my own health, if I was able to carry a baby and all of those things, right? Because as you get older, these are the things that were flooded with information. And um at that point in time, I realized that I had a condition called vaginism. And in this condition, what it is is that um there's a lot of um pain when anything is penetrated through. Um and pretty much the pelvic floor muscles tighten up and they contract, that it like pretty much creates a wolf so that nothing can penetrate through. And so, you know, I would always talk to my doctor, and I had many different um OBGOINs at that point in time, and I would explain like things are painful, like I don't know if if this is the case, and nobody was able to answer that question for me until I finally found my one doctor that I absolutely loved. And she was like, This is common, like this happens, and you there's things to to help you heal this, but like at that point in time, I was completely crushed because she was like, you know, it's gonna be kind of an uphill battle for you to become pregnant because we got to get through this first and then see if you can naturally conceive. And I think my brain at that point in time just took that message as you're not getting pregnant. And so I completely shut down for about a year and a half or so. Um, and I was to go to public floor therapy for that year and a half. I just completely shut down to the idea of having a baby, like doing anything at all, because one, I was consumed by fear, but two, I also just was in this like frame of negativity in my in my mind of like, okay, this is not gonna happen for me. And constantly in the mindset of like, why was it me that this happened to? Um, so it was constantly in that video.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

What's wrong with me?

From Mindfulness To IVF Success

SPEAKER_00 6:18

Yeah. And so I was getting through all of that. Um and once I started to go to pelvic floor therapy, that's when a whole other world opened up for me. So mindfulness was always like something that I practice as a child. And as I grew up, I kind of um I kind of walked away from it in a sense of like I just started to do things differently. I just felt like being that mindful person was keeping me disconnected from everybody else, especially in college, um, especially in high school. And so I didn't practice at all. I thought it was like bogus. Um, and when I started right around the time of pelvic floor therapy, I also was dealing with um anxiety because of my work. And it just all came together where during the pelvic floor therapy, she would explain, like, okay, like we're gonna practice breathing techniques to help you um relax your nervous system so that can also go down to your pelvic floor and like all of these things, I was like, wait, this is like mindfulness. And she's like, that's exactly what we're doing. And I was like, this is so interesting how like this is coming back, the universe is bringing it back into my life. And so as I dove further into my journey of um understanding the connection of my mind and body and connection with my breath, um, I started to also dive into my spiritual journey as well at the same time. So um my fertility journey started to open up by me curing vaginousness. I became more uh open in terms of dealing with the fears I had around having a baby. And at that point in time, we started trying naturally. And um, I ended up, we didn't conceive, and every time I would kind of get a little bit more upset about like, why isn't this working out? Like, and I became very hyper-focused and like this is the optimal time that we have to try. And my husband's like, I'm not doing this anymore with you. Like, I'm not doing this. Like, you need to take out the stress, and if we're gonna do it, we're gonna have fun and it's just gonna naturally happen. And he's like, at that point, I was already um 36. So he's like, you know, if you want, we can go back and we can go to a fertility clinic and get tested and stuff and see if you want to go down the route of IUI or IVF just to see if that's like a backup option for us. And so I went down that route and I actually found out that I had um low AMH, which pretty much means that my egg reserve was kind of depleting. Um, and so my fertility doctor at that point in time was like, if you want to do it, let's do it now, let's try it out, because the older you get, the the more this is gonna get worse for you. Um, pretty much. And so at the age of 37, we started our IVF cycle. And I was very against it. I was like, if I'm gonna conceive, it's gonna happen naturally. And then I was like, okay, like let me surrender and let me just see what happens. Um and I actually became pregnant through IVF. So we had two um embryos, one of them didn't make it to the final stage, so we only had one embryo, which they transferred. And my fertility doctor had said, like, there's less than a 1% chance of you getting pregnant. I don't want you to get too excited or get your hopes up, you know, like prepping me up. And I was just like very positive during that time. Like I just was in a very different frequency and vibration during the time of transfer and um of the egg retrieval. That I just was like, if it's gonna work out, it's gonna work out, and the universe has my back. And like that was my like energy at that point in time. And um, I became pregnant and she just couldn't believe it. I remember when she called me and she's just like, it worked. She's like, How did it work? What did you do? And I was like, I just believed, like, I just believed that it would happen. Um, and he's my son now, he's gonna be two in December.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

A lot of physicians go to school for a very long time, which kind of puts off their fertility years. And and so oftentimes they're trying to get pregnant in their 30s, and it can be really challenging to do it naturally. How did you have any feelings about not being able to do it naturally versus having to go through IVF?

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Oh, yeah, yeah. I was totally against it. So, once again, just like I sat um for a year and a half of not going to pulpy floor therapy, I sat a year and a half of like I'm not going to any fertility clinic to get tested because I don't need it. Um, if I'm gonna get pregnant, it's gonna happen naturally. Like I was very stubborn about that. Um, and I think I opened up because I started to think about it in the terms of there's so many ways that I could get pregnant and I shouldn't be closed off to those ways. Like I want to get pregnant and I want to have a child of my own, like I want to carry a child of my own. And so I have to then go through every option and see if it aligns for me. And if it doesn't, and if it doesn't work, that's fine. But like I can't just be stubborn and think in a very limited way that like it's only gonna happen this way, especially as I was aging. Like by the time I started IVF, I was 37.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

Was there any sadness there about not being able to do it naturally?

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Originally, yeah. Originally there was. Um, but I think I overcame it very quickly um because I started to think about it in a different way. Instead of thinking like, okay, it's not naturally going to happen. I thought of it like, well, there's so many different ways that it could happen. I'm I'm very spiritual, I'm very connected to um source to God, right? So I thought of it as like, okay, if God wants to bring a baby into my life through IVF, like maybe that's the short story I'm supposed to share. So I just became very open to that idea. That's amazing.

Letting Go Of “Natural Only”

SPEAKER_01 11:51

So I'm I'm glad that you had a baby and he's two years old now. He'll be two in December, yeah. Amazing. So you also went through a period of postpartum depression, and that's something that so many women experience. I know I went through it, I really struggled with uh postpartum depression, and it's something that we don't talk a lot about. So, what helped you recognize it in yourself and what do you want other women to know?

Naming Postpartum Depression

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Yeah, we don't talk about it a lot. I feel like um, I feel like during pregnancy, especially because I went through IVF and because I was older, um, I was in the high risk category. And so I was constantly seeing a doctor and constantly being told what's going to happen at every step. And once I gave birth, I feel like I was just forgotten. Like I went like once to my OBGYN and they checked in on a mental health perspective, but like nobody told me like what I should be feeling or what it would be like in postpartum. Like it was a completely like black box for me. And so um originally, I think, you know, my sister-in-law um who has two kids, she was like, you know, this is normal, like it's called baby blues. And I was like, okay, but like it doesn't feel like like baby blues to me, like it feels different. And so I was having a lot of intrusive thoughts. Like my thoughts were um, they were heavy, they were intrusive sometimes, um, sometimes a little bit suicidal as well. And so like they they were dark, and I was like, this doesn't seem like baby blues. And because I guess I had the awareness through mindfulness, I was able to understand that I needed help. And so I um I actually had a um postpartum therapist that that uh specialized in postpartum. And she really helped me with understanding my intrusive thoughts, like the patterns, what to do with it, how to work with them. Um but at the same time, I also understood that I needed to create very strong boundaries from people that made me feel worse than what I felt at that time. So for me, my birth story, um I intended once again intended to have a natural birth and I ended up having an emergency C-section. So after my baby was born, my son was born, about 14 to 16 hours. Like I don't even know what happened in that time frame because I was out cold. And so I felt so disconnected when I woke up from him. Um, I wanted to breastfeed, my milk wasn't coming in. So it was like a very sensitive time. One, I felt disconnected from this baby that I wanted for like at that point, eight and a half years. Two, I wasn't feeling my my best in my body. And then three, um, I wasn't getting my breast milk. So then I had this like immense guilt of like, what am I supposed to feed this child? Like, I don't want him on formula. So it was a mix of many different things for me in postpartum that created this depression. Um, and ultimately it was just me feeling inadequate. Like I just didn't feel like I was good enough. Um, and it just kept coming back, like those thoughts of like you're not good enough, maybe you shouldn't be a mom, maybe you shouldn't be here, maybe maybe it's better that you just leave and they figure out how they're gonna live their life. And those were kind of the heavy thoughts. And so the advice that I have is to one, know if you're able to bring the awareness, just know when you need help. And and don't be afraid to ask for help from professionals that can actually help you navigate this time. And three, join a support group of postpartum women and facilitators that can actually help you through this time because it is lonely and there is a lot of advice that you're getting from family members or other people that can feel very um heavy because once again you feel very inadequate because everybody's just giving you advice and you're like, but I can't do that. And so then it's like that mindset of lack just kind of perpetuates. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

It's interesting when you were talking about how when you were pregnant, you had all these like people involved and checking in, seeing how you were doing, how how is your pregnancy going? And then as soon as that baby's born, it becomes all about the baby, and you lose yourself a little bit, and it's it's easy to lose yourself in the role as a mother, and people are asking all the time about the baby, but they're not necessarily asking about you. And I found that it's like I almost stopped taking care of myself. I was so into taking care of the baby that I like stopped brushing my teeth, I'm constantly getting out of my pajamas. I just I did not I didn't do very well um after I had the baby, and it made me sad that I wasn't being the mom that I really wanted to be. And it wasn't until I saw my my family doctor, and she was like, I think she knew something was off because I probably haven't brushed my hair that day or something. But um, yeah, it was it was it was interesting how like I don't I don't know if I even saw it happening or not. I just I knew that everything was about my baby. So um yeah, for for women, it's it's hard to not get lost in that role sometimes and to not even notice that we're needing help and we're not able, we're not necessarily always taking good care of ourselves and everything's about the baby.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

I think it's also because um when you have visitors, they're only asking about the baby, right? Um, because it's a brand new thing, right? It's like when you buy a brand new car, everybody's asking about the car because that's the new thing. And so um you feel forgotten in that part too, because um, when you were pregnant, everybody was asking how you're feeling and how are you doing and how's your health? And and then all of a sudden the baby's born and it's like you're forgotten, but everybody is so focused on the baby, and it's like you're trying to manage your own mental health or your own well-being, and nobody's really asking you, and so then you start to feel more and more alone. Um, and you start to kind of have a little bit of resentment too towards those people.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

Sure, absolutely. Um, I find it easy to get lost in my role. So, my role as a doctor, as a mom, as a partner. And at one point I realized that I was completely disconnected from myself. I didn't know what I liked, I didn't know what I needed, what I wanted. Is that something that you experienced?

Feeling Forgotten After Birth

SPEAKER_00 19:07

Yeah, yeah. So I felt very disconnected um soon after I gave birth, like I mentioned. Um, and then I want to say within the first three weeks of postpartum, like completely disconnected from the world. Like I thought I was going through some sort of psychosis. Like I don't know what I was going through, but I was like, I don't belong in this world. Like I felt like an alien, um nothing. And he was born December 15th. So it was during the holidays, um, which is my favorite time of the year. Um, I just felt so disconnected from everything that was happening around me. I didn't, I had no interest in anything. Um, and I also felt very disconnected from the things that brought me joy. So, like at that point in time, I used to um practice meditation or breathing exercises almost every day, like really enjoyed um writing or journaling, um, art and things like that. Like that really brought me a lot of joy, even just like exercise or going for walks brought me joy. And I just wasn't able to do anything that brought like anything that I like brought me joy. I was like, this is stupid. Why am I doing this? Um, and so for a long time I felt lost because I didn't know who I was as a as just me, but then I also didn't know what to do with this this child that was handed over to me. I was like, what am I supposed to do with him? Like there's no like user manual for him. So like I felt like you know, a bad mom, quote unquote, because I every time he would cry, I would try like all the things and it wasn't working, and you know, it just it felt very overwhelming those first few weeks.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

How do you help guide women back to themselves?

SPEAKER_00 20:43

So really through um through the practice of of awareness, and so that comes through mindfulness. Um so mindfulness and spiritual spirituality have an interesting connection, and and it really starts with understanding that we are a spirit living a human experience. And so as we practice mindfulness, we start to become there, starts to become a separation and we start to observe our thoughts and we start to observe it from the spirit, from our soul. And so what I try to do is help help them understand that point and understand that the thoughts and emotions that they're feeling are not them, they're the soul, and like this is something that you have a lot of control over. You can you can separate it, you can reframe it, you can do many different things.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

So after you had your child, I'm assuming you went on like a mat leaf, and then after that you returned to your corporate job. How how did you find that?

Disconnection And Identity Loss

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yeah, so I went on a mat leave for about I got four months, I think, from my job, and then I took four. Months from New Jersey State, so about like seven-ish months, um, I was not looking forward to going back. And so um, and it it also happened an interesting time where everything was starting to become uh go back into the office, right? We're starting to move away from like the remote jobs and things like that. And so when I was pregnant, I was primarily remote, which I was okay with. And um, my job, the place I worked, completely changed it to you have to be in the office four days, and they were very strict about it. Like we had to clock in, clock out. If you like were 20 minutes late, like you have to make up those 20 minutes. Like it was very, very strict. And so I wasn't looking forward to going back to that sort of structure. Um, but more so I didn't have um a proper plan of child care for my son. Um, so we didn't want to put him in daycare at that point in time. I felt like he was too little. We were going through nannies, but we couldn't really find a good one. Um, and our interim plan was, you know, between both grandparents, they would come alternate days and they would take care of him while I'm in the office. And obviously they're grandparents, so they're going through their own health issues and things like that. So it wasn't like a concrete plan. And um I felt very nervous because one, I also felt nervous because I'm like, okay, like I felt so close to my son, and the thought of separation made me very anxious of like, how are how is this gonna happen? Like, how is he gonna be okay on his own? Like, he needs his mom. Like, I had all these these anxieties within me that I had to get through. But then two, I also had this feeling of like we don't have proper child care, so I just don't know if this is going to be a good plan. Um, and then three, I think it was also a mix of like just the climate and the of like it being very toxic in my job, and like that sort of like toxic energy just carried me, carried with me into like the home of like I hate being at work, but I'm like forced to go there. And like, you know, this this energy of like, but I have to do it. I have to like I'm forced, I don't even need to be there. Now my coworkers are in my office, they're in another office, and anyways, I'm on Zoom all day long. And so um I started to feel very um unhappy, I guess is the best way I can say it about the whole situation. Like I felt like, once again, inadequate and I wasn't being a good mom because I didn't have proper child care for my son. Um and then two, I wasn't able to be there for him. Um, and I also was very angry at the system in the US of like why there isn't a proper transition period um from going from Matt leave to being in an office five days a week.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

What support do you wish you had at that time?

Guiding Women Back To Self

SPEAKER_00 24:31

Um, I think I think it's more so from from the job. And I I know the corporate culture here in the US is very different, right? And so um, yes, they give you your whatever, three months is a long time. And so everybody's like, yeah, that's great. But like the mom and the child for that first year are going through so many changes and so many transitions that the first three months is just like just like icing on the cake. Like it's not even the the mom hasn't even healed. And especially if you have a C-section, like you're just getting back to some of the activities that you started to do. And so I wish that I wish this for this country in general. Like I just wish that there was better support for women that are going from maternity leave back to the office, but also mothers that now have children that they have to do pickup and drop off for. And like there's more of a flexible system where it's not like you have to be at work all of the time. Like there should be some sort of support. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

I I'm in Canada and I'm very grateful that we have a system where we can take a year off to to be with a child. So I I I don't know if three months would be enough for me. I think that would be very, very stressful to have to go back to work after three months. Um because you you are your body is still healing. You're going through all sorts of changes. The hormones are like nine months up and nine months down. It it just takes a long time to recover from that. Um one of the biggest things that I hear from my listeners is I know I should be taking care of myself, but I don't have the time. So, what do you say to the mom that feels like there's just no space for mindfulness?

Return To Work And Childcare Stress

SPEAKER_00 26:09

So, mindfulness practice, um it doesn't need to be something that you need to set aside like an hour for or 20 minutes. Like it can be done within 60 seconds, right? The idea of mindfulness is really just to become present in the moment. And so, um, and the more you practice it, the more you build this muscle of awareness. And uh for me, the way that that's looked is especially now that he's a toddler, I get a I get it's like it's like the steam comes up in the pressure cooker, and then like you just like frustrated and then you scream. So like I have the awareness of when the steam is going up, so I can just step away and I don't get to the point of like screaming at him. Um, there are moments when I scream at him, but like I try to like step away if I can, and that's the whole idea of mindfulness, and you do that through gradual practice. And so even if practicing 60 seconds a day, just breathing and becoming very present with where you are and how you're feeling in your body, um, is going to help you build that over time.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

I have started to when I put my dogs outside to go to the bathroom, I actually just go stand on the porch and I take some big breaths in. And I I think in the past I would have put the dogs outside and then, you know, ran put some dishes away or, you know, do do one thing or another, but it really doesn't take that much more time to take 30 seconds to to just breathe and and get that that fresh air in. You talked about doing a lot of mindfulness when you're younger and and now you've integrated that back into your life. Um, is that the key to overcoming some of these challenges that you faced with postpartum depression and just fertility and being a mom in general?

SPEAKER_00 27:52

Yes, I would say a blend of that and spirituality. I think for me it was more spirituality. And when I say spirituality, it's really the connection that you have with source, universe, God, whatever you call that, right? That higher power. And for me, it's God. And so once I started to realize and understand my relationship that I had with that source, with the universe, um, and I started to trust that more. I was able to surrender more, and I was able to become more present um in the day-to-day and not worry as much and not have as much anxiety because I knew I was always taken care of. Um but I had to work on that relationship. And so for me, I think more of just working on that relationship helped. The mindfulness was actually a tool for me.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

So nervous system regulation is a really hot topic right now. Can you explain what that means?

SPEAKER_00 28:45

Yeah, yeah, it's become very common. I actually it's funny that you asked this question because this morning um I I texted one of my clients and I was like, just practice NSR. She's like, What's NSR? And I was like, we talk about this every week. And then I'm like, oh, she doesn't know the acronym, it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

Um so I wouldn't have known what it was either.

What Support Should Look Like

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Um regulation is understanding that your nervous system is a central hub, right, of your calmness or your anxiety. And so when we're able to regulate our nervous system, we're able to fall into this place of calmness and peace where we're able to take decisions from a more um aligned perspective, but also from a place of um clarity. And so you're not making decisions based off of uh worry or anxiety or sadness or anger. In terms of nervous system regulation, really all it is is you're getting to a calm, collected state with your nervous system to send it to the parasympathetic area, right? And so when it isn't, you're going into flight and fight, fight or flight. And usually what happens is that you either leave a situation or you're gonna fight the situation. And when you when you're in a regulated state, you're in a very calm state to take decisions. Um, and so you do this through different breathing techniques, through mindfulness, uh, through EFT tapping. There's many, many different ones. You can even do it through walking, through exercise, and things like that. And so um the idea is when we're able to be very regulated in our nervous system, we're also able to reprogram the areas of our life that we are fearful of. So, like, for example, if you have a lot of fear around um around a thought of lack or around a thought of inadequacy, if you're able to create safety within your nervous system around something like I feel safe right now, um, I am safe, you're immediately your body's gonna pick that up and immediately download that within your subconscious and through your body.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

And then you're able to think things through a little bit more clearly. Yes, exactly. So let's say you have like five minutes in your day. What do some of those techniques look like?

Mindfulness In One Minute

SPEAKER_00 31:00

Yeah, so I always recommend people that have done nothing to start with breathing because it's the most um tangible thing to do, and it's really just taking deep breaths. And now, like on our phones, we have the it comes with mindfulness apps that help you breathe. So, like inhale, and you always want to exhale longer than inhaling. So we can do box breathing, which is very common. So do a 444 um kind of combination where you can do a five. So inhale for five, um, pause for three, hold your breath for three, and exhale for seven is another common one that you can do. Many different box breathings, but I would say start with that for five minutes. Um, and in those five minutes, become very present with where you are, and you'll see like your your body's gonna immediately relax and allow your mind to like also relax with whatever thoughts are going coming up. What is EFT tapping? So EFT tapping stands for emotional freedom technique. Um, really, it's if um if you're familiar with like acupuncture, it goes based off the same things. We have meridian point around our body, which are energy energy centers. And so you're tapping on these specific energies, energy points within your body. So it starts with here and then your eye, and then it goes around, um, saying a different affirmation to move the thoughts through your subconscious. So um, you know, if you have a lot of anxiety, you might start off with like, I have uh a lot of anxiety around the situation, and you just keep tapping the points, and then you start to change that affirmation to something more favorable. Um, and as you're tapping, the tapping helps your body bring in the words to release that emotion uh within you.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

So you would need to know where you're tapping. It's not just like randomly just kind of tapping on your forehead. You need to know where where you're tapping.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Yeah. Um, yes. And like so, for me, uh, when I was going through IVF, I used to sit in the waiting room and just tap this point, and I would just say, um, good things are happening to me right now, all good things are coming to me. Like, I would just say that, and for some reason, that like just tapping this point only helped me reduce the anxiety of like being there and going through whatever I was gonna go through.

SPEAKER_01 33:13

And how do you practice mindfulness?

SPEAKER_00 33:15

So for me, it starts off with um at least 10 to 15 minutes of meditation in the morning, um, along with journaling. And some days I don't feel very called to do the journaling um or the meditation. I'll do breathing, but like I try to like it, it either goes with meditation, breathing, journaling. Like those are my go-to's because I know they work for me. Um, but sometimes I might need something more, and so I'll take a class, like a breath break class, or I'll go to um a yoga class or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

Just whatever you need to feel more rooted in that moment.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

Yeah, sometimes I little I need a little bit more, and sometimes I'm like, okay, I'm good today. I don't need to meditate.

SPEAKER_01 33:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

Tell me about your book, Soulful Womb. So my book, uh, I actually have it here.

SPEAKER_01 34:06

Beautiful.

Spirituality And Surrender

SPEAKER_00 34:07

Um, that's a picture of me from my um pregnancy um shoot. Um the book actually, I I laugh because I was never intending on writing a book. So I always wanted to write a book um when I started my coaching career, and it was a completely different book. And um, when I became pregnant, I started to um have deeper conversations with God. Like I was really working on my relationship with God at that time, and so it usually happened at night when I was in bed and I would have these conversations and be like, why do I feel so scared about this thing? Or why is why is blah blah blah? And like I would just channel all these messages, and then this one day I was just like, I need to write this down. Like people need to read this information, and so I started to write it on my phone, actually. It's in my notes section. So I had like all of these different things that I would just write, and um, it was all free writing, and then a point at after birth, yes, right after birth, I was like in postpartum. I was like, okay, especially around the time when I was having those intrusive thoughts, I started to think like about like what is my legacy? What would I want to leave behind if if by any chance something happened? And I was like going through my phone and I saw all these notes, and the I was like, I need to write this into a book. And I don't remember writing this book because it happened in the entirety of my postpartum that I was healing. Um and so when I read the book myself, I'm like, I wrote this, this is very interesting. Um, it's really my journey. So the entire book is my journey from fertility to the end of postpartum and all of the messages that I got from Divine, and it it really is divided in chapters like fear, like surrender, like um overthinking, like jealousy, like the things that I was really feeling or experiencing in those moments, and the channeled messages that I got from him and the learnings that I've drawn from Alt through spirituality, and it kind of turned into a book.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

So, for any listeners out there who might uh not consider themselves to be very spiritual or religious, uh what core messages will still resonate with them?

Nervous System Regulation 101

SPEAKER_00 36:19

I think, I think even if we're not spiritual or religious, um we all deal with things like fear and overthinking and um jealousy and um trying to figure out like how we can surrender a little bit more to enjoy life, right? And so the book, though, yes, I'm having these conversations, it's very simple to read. Like I really just go through my my own experience of that thing. So with fear, like what I was experiencing with fear and during fertility, and simple ways that you can overcome that. And so, like the the messages that I got through were really just profound messages of like looking at things from a different light, from a different perspective. Because a lot of times when we're in the mindset of like fear or anxiety, we're just very like tunneled visioned in that way and we can't see the other side. And so this will just give you a little bit of inspiration to see things in a different way. And I really feel like, you know, people that are even people that are around other women that are going through pregnancy, this is going to help you to understand what they actually experience and like the energy that you want to bring around them.

SPEAKER_01 37:27

Do you have any final words of encouragement to offer to mothers who might be feeling burnt out or lost in her roles or unsure of how to reconnect with herself, maybe?

SPEAKER_00 37:37

The very first thing I'll say is you're doing amazing, you're doing great, exactly where you are. Always affirm that and always tell yourself that you're you are loved by yourself first and by those around you and by the universe. Um, and the second thing I'll say is we're all trying to figure this out. Like none of us know what we're doing at all. Like mother or not mother, like we're all trying to figure life out. Like it is messy and it's intended to be messy, so don't be afraid to be in the mess and have fun with it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:09

I end every episode with you're doing better than you think. And I think I really needed to hear that when I was a mum with with young kids, because you're right, no kids don't come with instruction manuals. And to be honest, I like didn't know what I was doing half the time. I just knew that I loved this baby and I did the absolute best that I could um for them. And sometimes I didn't show up the way I wanted to, but I think I needed somebody to tell me that I was doing better than I think. Um because I didn't always think very very good things about um about my parenting, but I did do the best that I could. I think we all are. I think we all are. Yeah. Irvi, I love quotes. Is there a particular quote that you love and would you like to share it with us? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

I don't know who wrote it, so we're gonna say it's anonymous, but the quote is when I think I've surrendered, I surrender more.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

When you think you surrender, you surrender more.

SPEAKER_00 39:08

Yeah. Because when you think you've surrendered, you haven't fully surrendered yet. There's so more for you to surrender to.

SPEAKER_01 39:15

Yeah. Yeah, we all have work to do. And um, letting go is hard sometimes. Irvi, where can listeners find you?

SPEAKER_00 39:22

Um, so my website is uh www.inner serrendylifecoaching.com. You can find all about me and my coaching services and other services that I have. I'm also on Instagram, Inner Surrendy L C is my handle, which is the same on TikTok. And then I also have a YouTube channel as well.

Five-Minute Calming Techniques

SPEAKER_01 39:42

Amazing. So I'm gonna put the links to all of that. I'm also gonna put the link to your book, The Soulful Womb. Um, I'll put all the in the show notes so people can find it uh quite readily. Irving, thank you so much for sharing your story and your wisdom so generously with us. You're honest and warm, and the depth that you brought to the conversation was a real gift, and I know that a lot of women who are listening are gonna feel seen and supported because of it. So if you enjoyed today's episode, go ahead and hit follow or subscribe so you don't miss what's coming up next. And if you want to keep the conversation going, you can find me over on Instagram at DRAngela Downey. I would love to hear from you. So take care for now, you are doing better than you think. That is it for today's episode of Paging Dr. Mom. If it made you smile, nod along, or feel just a little more seen, then go ahead and hit that follow button and share it with a friend who needs to hear it. Take care for now, you are doing better than you think.