Episode 17 Self-Care Isn’t Selfish: Real Talk for Moms

In this week’s episode of Homeschooling and Life Unfiltered with Court and Jess, we’re talking about something moms hear about all the time but rarely get the space to actually practice: self-care.

Between homeschooling, motherhood, marriage, work, and the nonstop mental load, it can feel impossible to slow down without guilt. We’re unpacking what self-care really looks like for moms in the real world — not the picture-perfect version, but the kind that helps you breathe, reset, and keep showing up without losing yourself in the process. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome to homeschooling and life unfiltered with Court and Jess, where real talk meets real life. Court and Jess are two friends, fellow moms, and business partners who live in different time zones and juggle homeschooling alongside motherhood and entrepreneurship. Jess is a mom of eight and Court is a mom of seven, and together they're raising 15 kids and navigating the wild, wonderful world of homeschooling, each in completely different ways. Every week we invite you to pull up a chair for honest conversations, practical tips, and uplifting encouragement. You'll hear from moms across the country who are homeschooling in a way that works best for their families. Whether you're a veteran homeschool mom just getting started or somewhere in between, this is your space to feel seen, supported, and inspired. Because no matter how different our past may look, we are all in this together. Hey everybody, welcome to homeschooling and life unfiltered with Court and Jess. Today we are talking all about self-care for moms. It's kind of a little catchphrase or a buzzword, right, that you hear everywhere, but it's a legit real thing. Hey, before we get started, if you like what you're hearing or you're enjoying what we are sharing with you, we would love, love, love if you would go give us a review on your favorite podcast app. It helps us get our message out to more people. So we would love for you to do that. Thanks so much. Okay, Jess, you start self-care, all things.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

Sounds good. Well, first I just have to say I apologize in advance if um you see that all of a sudden I stop talking and Court takes over because I have I'm on the tail end of a wicked cold, hence the big comfy sweater. I'm kind of like in self-care mode right now. Um and we actually just had a blizzard and like 10 inches of snow. And then meanwhile, Courtney's over there in a tank top enjoying the sun in her pool. Um my kids are swimming right now. It's crazy. And my kids have to gear up in full snow gear to go outside. So Arizona and Minnesota, it's real life. Um, so, anyways, if I disappear for a minute, it is because I have a coughing jag. Um, but we still really wanted to get this out there and we thought it was a really good time given um, you know, that I'm not feeling 100%. I feel pretty good, but not 100% to talk about self-care and all the things that we're doing. So um let's jump in. So I don't I don't know that I've fully resolved this in my own mind about why, but in my so my husband and I started having kids really young, and that's a maybe a story for another podcast, but um, I was 18 years old and he was already in college, and um we just we I mean it's a really long story, but we ended up having a lot of kids really young, and so um by my mid 20s, we had lots of kids already, you know, we already had um six kids already, and because we had some foster kids in there too, and anyways, I used to hate this word self-care. I used to like, I really like when moms would talk about like oh self-care, I just kind of roll my eyes and be like, well, how selfish. And I'm ashamed to admit that, but that was my mentality for easily a dec, like easily a decade of my motherhood, if not more. It probably has only recently been. So I turned um, I turned 40 and I so I'm 41 now, but it was probably in my late 30s, mid-30s, that I started to finally kind of understand, embrace, and appreciate the need for self-care. I don't know, maybe when I was just younger, I just you know had so much energy I didn't need to slow down, but in hindsight, I really should have a little bit and taking better care of myself. Um, but now I really, I really love this idea and I think it's a great topic. So but I just wanted to throw this out there in case there's other moms feeling that way. Um, and to let you know you're not alone. No, I seriously think I felt like guilty about it.

unknown 3:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

Like that this was wrong, like that we shouldn't be taking time for when I was in the throes of, I mean, like I had my fifth kid, I think the year I turned 30. So I mean, I had a lot of kids in my 20s, and I was not, you know, sitting around eating bonbons watching TV all day long, right? And so I think I thought that this was slightly ridiculous when I was younger.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

A hundred percent. Yeah. Um, it would be interesting to go back now and write like a letter to our adult daughters, right? Like, hey, because they're gonna probably go through the same thing. I'd be interested to hear if our what listeners kind of went through that same thing.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

I think though, well, yeah, for sure. But I think my kids have like seen the transition of like, oh, like how important it is.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

And I think part of it was like we were probably doing some of it when we were in our 20s, but I don't think I really realized what I was doing, right? Like, so once a month I would go, we'd have like a girls' game night, and we'd all get together and we'd bring gift and we'd play a game and we'd have dinner, and and that is a form of self-care. But at the time, I was just like, oh, it's just a great game night. Or like I didn't think of it as in self-care, you know what I mean? But looking back, like all those little co-ops I did with like the one mom where every Tuesday we got together and did social studies, and then the kids would play for an hour and we'd sit and talk. That is a gigantic form of self-care that I didn't realize at the time, but I would not have survived that time of my life without that adult interaction and somebody to like you know, feed things off of and commiserate with sometimes. Yes. No, I don't I don't think it was at least when I I mean I was a few years older than you are, so um it it just wasn't, I don't think self-care at that time was really like a thing. Yeah, but it everybody kind of looked at it, it was just like, ugh, you're just you know being older and yeah, selfish, like indulgent and I don't know, not the same as the what it is now.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Yeah, no, I agree, I agree. I like that. I think that's how I felt like it was indulgent. That's and right when you're a young um couple, and especially when it felt like so many of the self-care things were expensive, right? And we were a young couple, you know, just scraping by, you know, and um so but okay, let me jump in. So I do a lot of self-care now that is really good. Um, one of the biggest things that I've done is really to just take time to learn about my like learn about the warning signs from my body and be really in tune with my body. So uh I don't know if you've heard, I don't, I don't love it, but I I think it's a good start. There's this app called um Neurofit that I use and it kind of helps you gauge your um so I spent a lot of time like getting to know the nervous system and like how that what that looks like when your nervous system is overloaded for especially for like a woman for a woman for women. Um and it gives you different, like depending on what your readings are, because you like put your finger on the camera, you know, and it measures your different levels. It gives you different exercises and things you can do to kind of calm your nervous system. And it's been really fantastic. Like I said, I think there's probably better apps out there. It was the first one I found kind of along this line of thinking, and it's been really great. I really like it. Um, I use it almost every day, and it's it's been really great. Um sorry. It's a free app. Oh gosh, is it free? I can't remember. If it's not free, it's really inexpensive, like under$10 a month. I can't remember for sure though. Um and so I like I said, I spent that time learning about what does it really like, trying to understand my responses to things and like you know, if I'm if I yeah, just really just taking the time to get to know like what it what that what my nervous system was going through as I'm coping with different stressors, um, right, positive stress or negative stress, and then finding ways to kind of help myself be thriving and successful through that. So um one of the other things when I'm talking about kind of like getting to know and being really in tune with your own body. Have you ever heard of this thing called function health? So it is um basically, and because we're really health con, like I'm really health-minded. I really and Courtney knows about that, about me, maybe to a fault for some things. Um and we also have a complex medical family, right? Like we have a lot of things, like you know how this kiddo can only have this many or this many carbs a day, and this kiddo needs, you know, all these things. And so we're just medically minded. And um, so function health, you pay, I think I paid like I think it was on a sale, so I can maybe pay$300 for the year, and they draw hundreds of labs, and so you get you draw hundreds of lab over a hundred labs, and then six months later, and they tell you like what's in range and what's not, and an actual physician goes and kind of gives you like a breakdown, and then it gives you like a nutrition plan, an action plan, and what you might need to follow up with your in-person doctor with and different things like that, and it gives you like a biological age, which I was really happy to report that or that it reported my biological age was much younger than I am, so that was really good. Um, it's it's just it's real, and they're really good labs that like you can take to your actual physician and say, Hey, this is what I got back from this function health. Can you help me understand? Or do I need to be worried? Um, and so and then you have more labs drawn at the six month mark, and then you get to see if you're improving based on your lifestyle changes that they suggested or not improving. It's it's just it's phenomenal. So um uh a lady that uh is a nurse recommended it to me, and it's it I'm so grateful that she did because it's it's been kind of a game changer for me. So when when did you start that? Uh I just did my six month labs. So I just started it um six months, a little over six months ago. Okay. So mid-February I did my six month like check-in labs, and then there's other tests, it can get really expensive fast if you order all their extra fancy tests, but if you just stick with the base, then it's um it's really good. And to get those kinds of labs done in clinic, even with insurance, is probably gonna be way more expensive than that. Um, and so that's kind of how we looked at it. So uh kind of I'll kind of keep on that the like the health side of self-care things for me. So I have suffered from migraine since I was in fifth grade and did all the things, right? Like heavy meds, chiropractic, all the things. And finally I did um therapeutic like upper body, like neck massage and shoulder massage with a nurse who does it and specializes in that. And that has been life-changing. I have never had such good migraine control. I started with her probably four or five years ago, and I went from multiple major migraines a week to maybe one a quarter, maybe, maybe, maybe one every six months. Um, so it's been really life-changing and and really, really good for me. And so, but it's also a form of self-care because you get to go and have a massage and I highly recommend it. Um, and if you have an HSA, the find somebody that takes you know that HSA is even better. Um so and then also just always trying to eat better and do better food-wise, and making sure that we're getting all the right um vitamins and different things into our into our bodies. We um I take a lot of like I have a lot of supplements that I take, especially like if I'm sick, then I'm on a specific regimen for when you're sick and things like that. Trying a new one, I'll have to let you know if I like it. Um and it's got a lot of I don't we don't eat any organ meat, right? Like liver and things like that. I know you're supposed to, but we I just can't I can't I just can't do it. Um you know, I just we weren't I wasn't raised on that kind of food, and so I I can't I can't get on board with it, not out of just like I can't stomach it, not so much like I don't agree with it. I do agree with it, I wish we could. Um, so this is like a powdered form of all of these like the nutrients and stuff right it's called yeah, organized, I think is what it's called, and so I'm gonna start that soon. Um, we also do some intermittent fasting and water fasts and things like that, which I really like. Um so you would put that under self-care. Oh, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 12:11

So all your health stuff you would put that under self-care. Yeah, I never thought about it that way.

SPEAKER_02 12:15

Yeah, yep. Um, and then and I think there's a couple other things. So then I have like relationship relationship self-care, right? Like trying to do the date nights with my husband, um, date nights with my friends too, and get together and go with the different moms, kind of like what you talked about, um, taking time to connect with friends by phone or FaceTime. My best friend lives in another state and we FaceTime fairly often. And so um, and you we try to get in times when it's just her and I, right? We're not with the family very often. We just try to pull ourselves out, go for a drive or whatever, and then connect and touch base. And so um, yeah, so that's kind of like my relationship self-care. This is kind of how I broke it down, and then some other personal, and I guess prioritizing sleep is one that it's been kind of a journey for me that I've been pretty good at uh the last six months or so, but that would be under kind of the health um health care, health self-care. Um, and then kind of some personal things is reading, right? I definitely don't have the reading list that Courtney has, but I do enjoy reading quite a bit. I love to learn new things. That's kind of my thing. As you've heard for the last couple episodes, Courtney has really convinced me um that there's a love to be had for fiction reading, which I am definitely discovering. So that's been really fun and has been really, really good. Um, one of the other things, this is so silly, but um, you know, laughing is so good for you. And and so if I'm really stressed or I just I just try to find time every week. I'm not a big TV or movie watcher anymore. Um, I can't remember the last time that I sat down to watch an episode of anything or a movie. Um, is that true? We watched part of Zootopia a couple weeks ago.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Oh, the new Zootopia too is cute.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

That's it, that was what we watched. Um it was it was really cute. Actually, we finished it too. Sorry, that was the coffee, that was a mild coffee jig there. Um but um I love to get on and watch short little clips of friends here and there just to just laugh. I grew up on friends in my young adult life and my older teenage years.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

And it is it did you watch it? Did you grow up watching it? Oh yeah, I've watched it like a hundred times, but it's my always my when I travel because it's literally always on, like there's always a channel on cable that has friends on, especially when you're traveling. And so that's my it'll just be like on in the background in the hotel room as my background noise is friends because it's just I don't have to watch it, I know exactly what's happening despite listening to the words. Yeah, and all these years later, it still makes me chuckle. That's every time we carry something down the stairs, somebody else pivot. Like you just can't. I just watched that one last week.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

I love it. Um and so yeah, I try to get on. I don't know, maybe I probably spend a total of 30 minutes a week watching friends' clips here and there in between things. Um, just just to like just just to really laugh, right? And it's just it's just a good outlet and it's a good little self-care thing. Um I also enjoy, even though I've mentioned before, my mother-in-law is a wonderful cook. I also really enjoy cooking as well. And so I try to cook a couple, you know, well, several times a week. Um at so usually it's breakfast, um, or it's um lately it's been breakfast. I should not say usually. Lately it's been breakfast. Um, but it might be something just fun with the kids, like a baking thing too, or something like that. Um, I also don't work on Sundays, that's a big self-care thing for me. Uh, once in a while I will check email um if it's really nagging at me, but I try really hard not to work on Sunday, both because of the faith side of things, but also as a self-care piece. Um, and I really believe that that's in place as a self-care piece for us. Um, and so uh that's another big thing that I do uh or that I prioritize. And then also just prioritizing faith in general is a big self-care thing for me, trying to find time. Uh, and then the last couple ones, I've done a little bit of bullet journaling, like I mentioned, I've kind of fallen off the bandwagon a little bit, not terribly since the beginning of the year, but that is nice. Um, but then kind of the big, so I left the big ones for last. And that is for me, the biggest self-care thing I can do is go outside. So I love being outside. I really don't like the winter, but this year, as I've mentioned in the past episode, I went and bought a really warm winter coat uh and uh really warm mittens and been trying to get outside every day. Uh, I have you told me about this, I think, the thousand hours.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

Side. So I just talked to another friend who wants to try to do that. So we might try to do that this year. Um, I just don't know how realistic it is, but we're gonna we might try. Um but I love to be outside and we prioritize taking our little baby outside. Uh, started when she was little, um, because we didn't we were hoping to avoid any kind of supplementing of vitamin D for her. And so we just got her outside every single day in the sunshine. And so it's probably so for the last year and a half, um, I've been able to get outside almost every day, which has been amazing.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Is that a thing you have to do in the wintertime, like in places that it's cold and you can't go outside?

SPEAKER_02 17:50

To supplement vitamin D? Oh, yeah. Yeah, especially if they're breastfed. I've never heard of that before. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I guess anything about that. Yeah. I mean, if you don't supplement even like your crunchiest of moms, if you aren't supplementing vitamin D, you can get quite a bit of flack. Um interesting. For a good reason, right? Like it's really an important vitamin to have. Um, but we just did it differently this time, and she did great. And we just and she hated being outside. It was a huge long journey that I documented on my Facebook, but she hated being outside, and now it's like one of her favorite things all the time. She'll kind of take you over, or she'll say boots, boots, or take you over to her boots, and she wants to go outside. Um, and so and it's really good too, um, since we have some um trouble, so like our genetic thing, it's good for our like our cortisol levels and our circadian rhythms to get outside before and get that early 10 minutes of at least 10 minutes of sunlight right when we wake up. And um, we don't always do it right when we wake up though, but we just try to get outside as often as possible. And that's one of the biggest things that brings me like peace and joy and regulation is just to be outside. And so um, we live on a little hobby farm, and so we have a lot of really good places to walk and hang out outside. So that's a big one. Um, another big one that I've been really working on is saying no as part of my self-care, just telling other people no. I'm reading this book that Courtney recommended to me um called Essentialism. Um, I still have not finished it, but I'm I'm picking away. Um, and then this one might be a little controversial, but I'm gonna put it out there anyways. But I have really used a lot of AI tools to help with my productivity and self-care. Um, and so do all kinds of tracking with AI, um, whether, you know, just lots of different things you can track um and then kind of work back and forth with it to problem solve and things like that. Um, it also can give you a great list of self-care ideas if you need that. Uh, I have not done that yet, but um, you know, like you can automate a lot of things in the running of your household too, and help with meal ideas and all kinds of things just to buy you time back for self-care. So maybe some of these aren't so much like that one self-care, but it it's a pathway to self-care for me, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

Like am I gonna find the time to meal prep or to you know write the grocery list or all these things? Well, it if I can use some tools to help, then I'm gonna find the time uh a little bit easier. And then um, I've talked about this before. This is the last one I have. Um, sorry, I'm looking at a list over here. The last one I have is uh my joy list that I update every couple of months. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

And so when I'm feeling if somebody hasn't heard about what that is, will you explain it a little more?

SPEAKER_02 20:37

Yeah, so several years ago, and I keep it right on my phone. Um, but several several years ago, I um I don't know if it was I don't remember remember what was hard about the season, but I was in a hard season. And um I just made a list like I was having just feeling down, and I made a list of all the things that bring me joy. So uh so I did. And it can be really hard to put together when you're feeling down, right? Because nothing sounds that great. And things just you just think about the hard stuff that's going on. And so um as as I've gone through different seasons, I've added to the joy list or changed it or different things like that. And whenever I I'm just feeling down or I'm not really sure what's gonna kind of pull me out of my um, you know, the the funk or whatever it is that you're going through, you can look at that list and sometimes even just reading over the list and thinking about those things and like the the memories you've made doing those things is enough to kind of pull you back on track. And sometimes you just say, okay, well, next Tuesday we're gonna go, you know, do X or Y or Z. Um and so um this the last time I updated it was uh February 1st of 2026, so just a couple months ago. Um and so Some of the um Regency era fiction novels were added at that time. Um thanks to Courtney. Other things I have on there are like camping. We love to camp. Um uh financial freedom. Uh I love to go thrifting. My mom, it's like something that my mom and I do that I really enjoy. Um, so you put thrifting on there, homeschooling, um, working has made the list, not just recently. Working actually made the list a little quite a while ago when um when things kind of shifted at work, and and uh I just love the people I work with and the what we do and our mission. And so work brings me a lot of joy. Uh and lots of things. We do this Amish visits, uh, these Amish, it's called an Amish tour in southeastern Minnesota. I want to do that. I want to come for that. Yes, we need to do that. On my list of things. It's so wonderful. And and it's I even had one time we went there and one of the moms um who was running a little, I think I can't remember if it was a leather shop or a bakery, and she was asking all about homeschooling, how she really wants to home homeschool her children, and it was just I just such a neat experience. And they do like the one-room schoolhouse. Yeah, she really wanted to keep her kids home, and it was just there's just so many amazing things. They're such an amazing people, group of people, and um, so, anyways, when I whenever I need to, either just to think about or when I actually need something, then I can go to my joy list and pull things off my joy list. I also have a um like a robbers of joy list. I don't keep that regular updated as often as as this one at all, because it's may maybe once a year, because it's just an it's a negative list, right? Um, but this one I update pretty frequently. And it's key though that if you're gonna do it, make it and you can make it initially anytime that you need to, but update it when you're feeling really full of gratitude and joy. Um, it helps you see all the things that really bring you joy. Um, and I guess that reminds me of another one lately that I've been doing. I read something that kind of challenged me to do this, and it was I've heard it for so many years, but it always was like one of those things where I just I didn't buy in, and now I've kind of bought in a little bit. And it's I haven't gone as far as having a journal, but it's just being aware of what I'm grateful for every day. And um, so like the gratitude journals, but for me, it's just been like speaking it out loud and acknowledging it, and that's been really awesome too. So those are all the self-care things I can think of.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Um I think your self-care things are way more deep than mine are. I mean, that's totally okay. I didn't, I mean, I think you you thought this through, I think, more than I I uh I don't know. Anyways, okay, so self-care for me so different in so many ways. So different, you guys. So different. That's the problem that makes it fun. For sure, reading that's a self-care thing for me, right? But that's something I do every single day to like fill my bucket up. But by 8 30 or 9 o'clock, I am like bucket empty. I'm done. Like, I don't want to talk to me, I don't want to see anybody. I'll just PM. Yeah, PM. Okay. I don't know, sometimes at 8 a.m. No. Um, so that's just something I've learned. Like that's totally something that fills my bucket up every day. Um, I even did it today. I I'm I was I was almost done with the book, and so I read during lunch. I pulled my book out during lunch while I was eating, and the kids were watching Luck of the Irish because it's uh we all watch it every St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. Oh, it happens to be St. Patrick's Day where we're recording this. Um, and so which they don't really get to watch TV like during the day, during a school day, but it's everybody's gone tonight because they have lessons and things like that. So I was like, Well, you guys can just watch it while I eat lunch. I go, but I'm gonna sit here at the table with you while you watch it, and I'm gonna read my book because it was like it has just been a long morning, and I was like, I'm just gonna finish my book. Like, I just need to check something off the box. That's a good thing. Um, so there's one I did. You would be so proud of me. I got up early, like 6 30 early for Courtney. I'm not a morning person, and went on a walk this morning because it's so stinking warm. So, like yesterday I went after I got ready and I was like, well, before meeting started, I was like, I'm just gonna go on a walk. And I was like sweaty when I got home before meeting. I was like, oh, okay, we're no longer at that time. But at 6 30 this morning when I left my house, it was already 65 degrees. Wow. Yeah. So, anyways, I was so and I I you guys, the internal argument in my head is I was laying there at 6 15 to 6 30, like arguing with myself, you should get up, you should go. You're gonna be glad you did, but like, no, I'm tired, I want to stay in bed. And you know, I had this lovely little like internal argument, but I did it because I knew I would be happier if I did it, even though it's the you know, right then me wanted to stay in bed. Yes, um, but I do like getting outside because I I need that, like getting outside and sometimes without you know, even like listening to a book or a podcast. Normally I like listen to something, but every once in a while I just go or I'll forget it, or I just haven't turned it on yet. It's just nice to like listen to the birds and like feel the sunshine and just breathe in the nice smell. You know, like you've got all the spring smells right now, except that today was trash day. That was a bad day to go on a walk in the morning before trash came. Live and learn. I've never done that before, so I didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

Living in town is such a different experience.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

I know. Um, so anyway, so I've definitely learned, and I feel like that came and came from you because you said that, and I was like, Oh, I should do that more. And just you know, and when it's nice, I like to sit on my deck and I'll work, you know, outside. Just um it's it's just really good. And that thousand-hour thing is hard.

SPEAKER_02 27:33

Oh, I don't I don't know if realistically we can do it. I I I don't know. It's a lot winter outside time. Yeah, winter time. It's a lot. Um hours a day is that I have to get my regular because I'm just I don't know one person, guys. It's a lot. Oh yeah, it's like 2.7 hours a day.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

Yeah, it's a lot.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

Yeah. Every day. Yeah. I mean, even if you average it out, like there was one year we went like beach camping twice, and so we spent it still was almost it's really hard. It's really hard. So especially in Arizona when it's 120 outside, like you can only spend so much time outside of the pool.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Or negative 40 in Minnesota.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

Yeah, that. Anyways, so um I like the idea of it though. I mean, even some is better than none, right? Some is better than none. Absolutely. Um, okay, so that's probably one I, you know, I like some pamper things. Like that's kind of my like to go get a pedicure. Like that, that is a good self-care frame for me. It's just it's a treat, it's a splurge, it's something that I enjoy. It's relaxing. Um I I go to the chiropractor weekly. Like that's another one for me that I think I would probably, which I don't think I probably would have put it under self-care until you were talking about the health stuff. And I was like, Holy like it makes my I don't get migraines anymore. I don't get any of the aches and pains that I used to get. Um, getting old ducks in case anybody screws. Um flip switches at 40. So get ahead of it before you hit the big zero. Yeah, for real. Um, I remember though the first I I had had worry, so I was in my 30s, like probably early 30s, when I decided that self-care, you know, those quotation words was important. So there was like one, I think Mother's Day where I got like a foot spa, I got like a heating, um, it was the really coolest thing, and I really wish I had it now because I did a desk all the long, but it's it was like this massager for your feet, and it would warm up and they were like these circles that would spin and you'd put your feet on top of it and it would rub it. And I got like a pillow for a bath, you know, like to take a good bath, like a neck pillow for baths. Um, and that's when I think I finally realized that like it's okay. I'm allowed to have some things for me and like take a bath. I love to take a bath. I haven't taken a bath in a really long time. This house doesn't have a great bathtub. Um, the next house will have a good bathtub. I miss having a good bathtub.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

I'll just not either. Actually, we're putting a new one in though. Um, yeah, soon, like before April 1st. And we haven't had a good bathtub here for six years, so I'm really excited.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

Yeah. Um, so things like that. Like I like the, you know, a nice candle. You know, just simple things like that, like lighting a nice candle and making my house smell nice, or um, you know what, spending a Saturday on the couch reading a book.

unknown 30:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

And sometimes honestly, like I'm I kind of get in a row of like busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, right? Like we just go, go, go, go, go. And then my body's like, oh, actually, no. Like this weekend on Saturday, I spent the entire day in bed. You guys, I woke up, I felt gross, I didn't feel good. And I think my body was like, You have been going. My husband had been in Alaska for a week, so I had been doing all the things, right? You were in town, so it was kind of like a travel schedule. I just had I burnt my bridges, and I also had been, I've been doing this health challenge where I hadn't really been eating sugar, and so we took some kiddos out for ice cream because it was a birthday, and I had an ice cream cone, and my body was like, Oh no, you didn't like you shouldn't have done that, and I did not like it. And so I literally, but I gave myself, I was like, you know what? This is what my body needs. I literally didn't get out of bed all day long. I read a book. I actually watched a movie with my husband. I actually I watched a movie and he slept through a movie. He took a nap. Our husbands are so much alike and it's scary. But it just, you know, sometimes I'm not a very good listener for things like that. I think you're way better at listening to your body, and I just kind of think I can just keep going like I'm 25 and I can't. And so sometimes it's okay, and it's just okay, right? That's self-care in itself.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

Question for you. So this is something I've just noticed about myself lately. Um, but because I'm the same way, right? Like just so busy all the time, like there's always something. But I find like like if it's if there's a Saturday and I'm just not gonna do much, right? Like I don't have any goals for the day. I'm just saying I'm gonna sleep in and I'm not really gonna do anything, I'm just gonna take the day as it comes. Like, I kind of get crabby. Like I it's different like what you just described, because you were like your body on reset. But just like on a normal week when you don't necessarily when you haven't done anything that's totally out of the norm. Do you ever get like does that ever happen to you?

SPEAKER_01 32:11

Okay, kind yes, kind of. And I think so. I'm a I'm a goer, I'm a doer, I'm a list checker, but you know, like not shocking. Sprinter, guys, sprinter. There you go. Without the running, because I don't like to run. Um we um like I'll have a Saturday, which we haven't had a long time, but we have like a nothing going on. Yeah, then there's always like a hundred things you could do. So I'm gonna do those hundred things, and my husband will lay on the couch and be like, I just you said I didn't have anything to do today. And I was like, but actually, there is stuff to do just because I didn't tell you had to do something. It makes me so angry. So, yes, I totally do get crabby because I'm like, this is such a waste of everyone's time. Like, we can't waste time, like we can waste time, we need to waste time, like it's okay to do that. But I have the hardest time and I find myself getting grumpy because I will fill the space with all the things that I know could be done, even though it doesn't have to be done today. Yeah, and it makes me angry when everyone doesn't agree with me, or or like commonly like just see these things, like yeah, it's and it's for me, and sometimes I in the same way where I'll get frustrated with the those around me, but like I could literally have just a Saturday at home, and if I just want to sit and watch a movie or scroll on my phone or whatever it is that I want to do, and I have no other obligation, so maybe the baby's off with you know, sometimes her husband will be like, Okay, well, you just have a couple hours to yourself and I'll take the baby.

SPEAKER_02 33:27

I get like I do, I just get crabby. So I've just found that I'm in my best mood when I've been productive, but it's finding that balance from not like sprinting all the time, still have like feeling like you've accomplished something. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

Uh this is where no, but this is where I figured finally figured out. So that's like when I have a day like that, yeah, I like that's like a self-care day. And so my self-care things are like doing something creative. Like this is on my desk for when I have time, like I will do this in between meetings, or when I'm like watching something, like I that's a self, like a self-care outlet for me, is something creative. So it might be knitting, or I mean that's mindless. I can do that and not even think about it. So it's just, but I still feel productive is probably the right word. Like that that makes me feel better about whatever. Um, or I'll try new recipes, or I'll search for new recipes and I'll add new things. And so that is, or I'll make bread, or so it's not necessarily something that you know, like has to be done. But we have to eat, but it it fills that bucket for me, right? Like I I know laughing makes her cough. Sorry guys. Um uh so that's like so. I I put three new recipes in the menu this week because I was feeling like after that crappy Saturday when I didn't feel good, and I was like, oh, I'm gonna, I was just feeling really anxious, is probably the right word, just because I was laying bed doing nothing. So I went and searched, so I found all these new recipes that we're gonna try, which makes my kids angry. They're like, we want the regular food that we really like. I think I've told you this before, but last night they all liked what I cooked. Oh, what was it? Now we have I made this like baked chicken. Um, it had Orzo pasta in it, like it was a sheet pan dinner kind of thing, like all in a casserole dish. It was delicious. Um it had spinach in it, and Macy thinks that spinach is like, you know, some terrible disease thing that's going to kill her. So we did not love that part. Um, but it was good anyway. So we'll see. I'm trying new things on Wednesday and Thursday too. But anyway, so that to me is like a self-care thing. Like trying something new and being able to like use that as a creative outlet. And like I made sourdough on Saturday, like I love to make sourdough. And we actually, I just remembered I have sourdough in the fridge that I need to pull out to finish rising so I can bake it tonight. Um, but just doing things like that, yeah, to me is self-care. And most people would be, I mean, there's very there are some people that'd be like, that is like torture. Like I have a couple of friends that don't really cook, and they're like, that would be like the least self-care thing that any I could ever think to do. But that to me is fun. I enjoy it. I like trying new things. I like like that's a creative outlet for me. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

I love it. That's the key is whatever is an outlet and brings you joy and fills your bucket, like you said, those are the things that we should be pursuing.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

Yeah, walking and reading on the treadmill. I find joy in that. And most people would not, you know, there are those things. I love to shop, I think it's fun.

SPEAKER_02 36:18

I too, that's such a good one to put myself thing too. I'm the same.

SPEAKER_01 36:23

Yeah, sometimes I should say sometimes I love to shop. Sometimes I just like don't want to be bothered with it.

SPEAKER_02 36:28

Oh, but no, same. You have to be in the mood for it. You do, yeah. But I went shopping by myself for the first time since the honestly since the baby was born. Not even a month ago. And I was I went to TJ Maxx. Do you guys have TJ Maxx there? Yeah. And I texted my husband, gosh, I could probably find a text, but I won't. And something like, it's scary how much joy this and peace this brings me just walking to the store. I don't even know that I bought more than one thing. I think I maybe bought a book. Um, or I may I think I bought some cards. And um, but it was the first time I had been out by myself without any, you know, no baby, no, no agenda, right? Because I think that's the key for me. Like, if I have a list, it's not really a self-care thing for me. But if I'm just gonna go and like peruse and and just just truly shop, then I I find a lot of okay.

SPEAKER_01 37:18

So I have a self-care thing from when my kids were little. My favorite self-care, I put it in quotations because I don't think I called it that at the time, but it was like the thing that brought me the most joy was to go to the grocery store by myself. And I would go and spend forever and I'd walk up and down every aisle and I would because I like to cook and I whatever, but it was like quiet time for me, like all by myself. I didn't take any kids with me, and it was like something I would do like after the kids would go to bed when my husband was home. And it was like the most joy-filled day of my week. And I think I probably went every two weeks. So I didn't even go every week. I love it. And now it would kill me to step foot in grocery store. Like I hate it with the passion. If it does not get dropped off at my door, I just and we're not gonna have it. Like, I just it's so funny how things have changed and what things that I used to find so much joy in, I loved it. And I would like call my mom with like, oh, guess what I found? What the good deal I found, and like all excited about it. And now I I would literally, it's been, I can't tell you the last time I was in a grocery store, and it pains me to even think about having to run into a store. I will send Jeremy sometimes when I forget something because I have done that, but it's just interesting how things change, right? So, what if I what brings me joy now is not what brought me joy in my 20s, right? Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 38:25

Well, that's what's fun about these joy lists too, is to see them evolve. Um, I like I said, I've been doing it now for a a lot of years, um, and it's fun. I haven't done this. I should though. I haven't really sat down and looked at all of the past all you know all together. Yeah. Side by side. I've looked back at like the last one or maybe two back, but I should really go back and look at how they've evolved. Do you make a new one every year? I make a new one often, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:53

Oh, I don't think I realized you were making new ones. I just thought you were like adding to it.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

So a lot of times I will copy and paste, like, okay, here's the list, and then things will get deleted or they'll get added. Okay. Um sometimes I don't always make a new one if it's like in the same year. So I was I'm actually a little bit surprised that I made a new one in February. Um, because the one before that um wasn't that. So I made a new one in February. Oh, I guess the one before that was April. Oh, that's a long time ago. Yeah, so that was kind of that was kind of a big I can't be right. I'm quite looking at my notes.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

Okay, you also have to look up that Neurofit app because I looked up the Neurofit app and it's a workout weight loss app. So I did not find the right one. You have to show us all the wrong thing. Yeah, look it up real fast.

SPEAKER_02 39:49

Oh no, it's called Neurofit. How did you spell it?

SPEAKER_01 39:52

N-E-U-R-O, how else do you spell it? What's it look like? What's the app symbol look like?

SPEAKER_02 39:57

Um let me show you. Sorry, I went on to the measure the vitals thing.

SPEAKER_01 40:03

This cannot possibly be the app that you looked at.

SPEAKER_02 40:07

Okay, hold on. Let me I'm gonna screenshot it so I can get it really up close.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Neurofit. All right. Oh, is it a brain? No, that's neuronation. Vegas nerve reset neurofit. Okay. Yep. Okay. So it's it's Vegas Nerve Reset Neurofit. So Neurofit by itself with nothing else attached to it is a workout app for dudes that are gonna do like dumbbells and like big workouts up. I was like, this cannot possibly be what she's doing.

SPEAKER_02 40:42

That is so funny. Yes, no, neurofits with like a little heart.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

Uh it looks like a um an EKG sign, right? Is that what I don't think the word is for now? Yeah, like a that's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

Oh yeah, you looked up and clarified because we would have sent people to a really long wrong place. But on my end, when I click it, it just says neurofit. Yeah, so yeah, I don't know, but that's great. So whatever we'll we can maybe try to link it too, but um I really liked it, it's been really good.

SPEAKER_01 41:11

So I love it. Okay, you guys, this has been great. Okay, one more thing really fast on this neuro, whatever that you have. You ever done tapping? So it's one of the exercises. Oh, I took a mom's class at co-op last semester, taught by a gal who is like a um kind of like a life coach for moms, and I don't know what she does, she's amazing, anyways. And she taught tapping, and it was like the coolest thing. I had never done it before. And when you said that, I was like, I need to remember. Like, I wrote down all like the the the like the thing that she taught us in like my notes app, and I forget about it, but I'm like, oh, I need to remember to do that because there are times when I could have used that for sure.

SPEAKER_02 41:51

So so when so you do a check-in and it's like a self-reflective check-in every day, and then you measure your vitals, and then you do balance training, and it'll it'll suggest things based on different things, but you can so it has like um rest and digest, stillness, shutdown, overwhelm, fight or flight, and play. Like those are all the moods you like um like where you can be in the class, and then you click on it, so like if I and then it will ask you a couple questions, and then it gives you exercises to do different exercises, and um, and so I mean, and there's some silly ones in there that I don't really like, like there's um like some dancing ones, and just some silly ones, but um, they are really good. Like, I've done some of the tapping ones and things, and they've been amazing. Yeah, I would say my other self-care thing is like, which I don't do it very often.

SPEAKER_01 42:43

I used to do it way more often, would be driving with my windows down and like loud music. Like that to me is just like a stress relief. I remember at one point Jeremy was out of town again, and we were having a really stressful work week, like really stressful, and I was home by myself with the kids, and I was like, I'm it was over a year ago because I had my old car. I'm like, I'll be right back, guys. And I just went and I like drove fast down the fruit because I I like to drive fast also. Um seeing her rolling her eyes that I like to drive fast too. So just and he was like, What are you doing? Where are you going? It's like one o'clock in the afternoon. And I was like, I'm just going out of a drive all by myself.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

So that reminds me of one of my other things, and we've gotten out of the habit so much over the last probably two years, three years. Those of my biggest self-care things when my kids were little, would be um to go on a country drive. So all the kids in the car seats, right? Buckle them in. We would uh, and please don't judge me, but we would uh stop at the gas station and get some treats and we would go on these drives out in the country and just look at all these different like farm sites and just all kinds of cool, like abandoned houses and just a really cool like rural Minnesota country drive. Um, and then sometimes. Like if the kids were the one of the things that they really liked is they got to choose, we would take turns and they would get to choose left or right. So we would say, Okay, we're gonna go left, and we go for like six miles or ten miles, and then the next kid would get to pick if we got to go right, left, or straight at the next intersection. So like it was almost like this try, and my husband was working, of course, so it's just me and the kids, and it's almost kind of a game to see like well, how lost loss can you get? And then we GPS back home. Um, so that was always really fun. We have a lot of fond memories, but then I think we probably overdid it because then the kids are like, Oh, I don't want to go on a drive again. So now we've been out of the habit for I don't know, probably four or five years. Yeah. Well, you've also had a baby that didn't love the car for a little while. Oh, yeah, she still doesn't love the car. But um, and so now when we do a country drive, it's really usually just me and my husband. And then if the baby, you know, I guess we haven't done much since the baby came, but yeah, super fun. So all right. Well, again, real life, guys. We get interruptions with our real life.

SPEAKER_01 45:03

I even told everybody, I'm recording, don't bug me. And of course, somebody comes in and is I don't even know what he was trying to whisper to me. I have no idea what he said. It will wait five seconds, we're almost done. No, this is good, it's good. All right, this was great though. I love it. And now I'm sure I'm gonna like keep thinking in more things. Maybe we're gonna have to do like self-care part two because I'm sure my brain's gonna go like, oh wait, I totally do this, and oh wait, I totally do this. Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

All right, this is and share your self-care ideas with us if you are um on social media with us or anything like that. Just comment and leave us some self care ideas, things you think we might like or that other moms might like.

SPEAKER_01 45:41

Yes, and you can find us on YouTube, um, Instagram, Facebook, all the places. So come and join us in all your favorite podcast apps. Yes. All right, thank you.