Episode 30 Ask Us Anything: Homeschooling, Motherhood & More

In this special episode of Homeschooling and Life Unfiltered with Court and Jess, we're sharing a recording from a Parent Professional Development session we were invited to present for Venture Upward. During this interactive Ask Us Anything session, we answered questions from parents on a wide range of topics.

We loved the opportunity to connect with families, share our experiences, and have honest conversations about the realities of homeschooling and motherhood. Whether you're looking for practical tips, encouragement, or simply enjoy hearing real-life homeschool stories, this episode is packed with insights from a fun and engaging Q&A.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:02

Welcome to homeschooling and life unfiltered with Court and Jess, where Real Talk meets real life. Court and Jess are two friends, fellow moms, and business partners who live in different time zones and juggle homeschooling alongside motherhood and entrepreneurship. Jess is a mom of eight and Court is a mom of seven, and together they're raising 15 kids and navigating the wild, wonderful world of homeschooling, each in completely different ways. Every week we invite you to pull up a chair for honest conversations, practical tips, and uplifting encouragement. You'll hear from moms across the country who are homeschooling in a way that works best for their families. Whether you're a veteran homeschool mom just getting started or somewhere in between, this is your space to feel seen, supported, and inspired. Because no matter how different our paths may look, we are all in this together.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

All right, let's get started. Good afternoon. Thank you all for being here. I am so excited to introduce to you Court and Jess. Um, I know them as co-workers and the president or CEO now of Venture Upward and VP of Program Development. But in their, I guess, full-time everyday job, they would say that they're moms and their best friends, and they love to talk about life, different hacks, and we're really excited to hear from them. I just wanted to um read a description because these two friends they have started a podcast, and the podcast is called homeschooling and life unfiltered. And if you haven't seen that, we're going to include the link in the chat to where you can find their podcast, as well as we'll put that if you're listening to this later, if you're listening to the recording on Basecamp, we'll have maybe some links to where you listen to your podcast or the for sure the title of where you can find them and listen to their other episodes. Um, I encourage you to go back and listen to all the episodes because they have a really unique perspective and um one of us, right? As homeschool parents. And also, I just this is the foundation of venture upward. We are just homeschooling parents, most of us, and we're trying to make the best of it. And we're we've come together to create a program um we're hoping that other homeschool families like. And I just have we just have this unique opportunity to hear from um Jess and Court today. And they are, according to their podcast description, Court and Jess are two friends, fellow moms, and business partners who live in different time zones in Juggle homeschooling alongside motherhood and entrepreneurship. Jess is a mom of eight, Court is a mom of seven, and together they're raising 15 kids and navigating the wild, wonderful world of homeschooling, each in completely different ways. And if you go listen to their podcast each week, you're gonna hear honest conversation, practical tips, and uplifting encouragement. You'll hear from moms across the country who are homeschooling in the way that works best for their families. Whether you're a veteran homeschooler just getting started or somewhere in between, this is your place to feel seen, supported, and inspired. Because no matter how different our paths may look, we're all in this together. And today, this is a special edition of Court and Jess where ask us anything. And so they're gonna get the mic. Um, several of you have sent in questions ahead of time that we're gonna ask them, or we're just gonna let Court and Jess do what Court and Jess does and give us their unique perspectives. So without further ado, let's do you want to say anything before I give you the first question?

SPEAKER_02 4:00

No, I don't think so. Thanks for that great introduction, and we're hoping that our podcast continues to reach many people. And like you said, what you'll find is just real raw, honest conversation between two friends who do things very often very differently, and sometimes we find some overlap, and it's it's a we have a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_04 4:17

Yeah, and you can find us on Spotify, Apple, Podcast, YouTube. We have a YouTube channel if you want to watch the entertainment and the cute grandbaby that comes sometimes. Um, and on Instagram and Facebook. So we hopefully either we're everywhere you can find us.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Okay, great. So I'm just gonna go down the list here, and the first one that I see is ideas for activities for mixed families, particularly larger age gaps and kids who don't have like natural peer group in the home.

SPEAKER_04 4:49

All right, Jessica, you should take this because you have the biggest age gap. Like you're dealing with this right this second.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

We are. So we have all the way from 23 is our oldest down to a 17-month-old baby. Um, and I'm definitely being reminded of what it's like to homeschool with a baby. It is always changing, super interesting, and you have to be really innovative and creative and intentional, right? That's the biggest word. Um, so for me, um, and I think you'll find a little bit of this with Courtney too. Uh, I love to keep our family together on subjects as much as possible. And so you'll hear, I'm sure Courtney talk about what she calls family school. I call it morning time or morning basket. Um, and really what it is is, in my opinion, it is being able to teach the core instruction together as a family with all ages. It doesn't matter how old your kids are. But you have core instruction that's the same, and then you differentiate. So you uh differentiate the the deep dive. So, what do I mean by that? We might all read the same book. So maybe we're reading through a classic novel together. We're the core instruction is the book. So we're reading the book together, um, but maybe my four-year-old is just coloring pictures that I had printed from that book, right? And maybe another child is going to be um answering some comprehension questions, another, but probably multiple choice. And then another, maybe my seventh grader is writing more essay style comprehension questions. And then maybe my high schooler is gonna be add to is gonna be um uh charged with writing some sort of persuasive essay regarding one of the hot topics in the book and more the themes. And so I think it's really valuable for me personally to again kind of have some similar core instruction and then um be able to differentiate the deep dive, is is kind of how I'll put it. The other, the other side of things where it's a little harder would be like a math, right? Math is hard to do that. You really have to teach each kid at their own level. Um, but I think that if you are able, and you're not always able to do this, and that's okay if you aren't. Um, but if you've been lucky enough to stumble upon a curriculum that you love that you've taken with you from child to child, I highly encourage people to use peer tutoring in that setting where you can have an older sibling help, like, oh, I remember that uh math book. That was a really hard one. Let me help you. Or um, hey, this one, you know, when you have a I've had children be grumbling about reading a new book, right? And they're like, oh no, you'll really like it. I read it when I was your age, things like that are really helpful. Um, I think having age-appropriate activities though during the instruction and during the deep the deep dive are really uh really important. Otherwise, those little ones end up being really distracting for the bigger ones. So don't be afraid to give your kids Legos and toys, things that are quiet during that instructional time. I know parents are always always really hesitant to say, well, I want them to listen. I don't want them to build Legos during the book. Um, I guarantee they're going to listen better if their hands are busy. Um, and so just try it out, experiment a little bit, ask some comprehension questions and see if it really affects their comprehension. But I think you'll find that it actually increases their attention and their awareness. Um, but specifically the question asks, how do you do this when you don't have it? Was it a peer group? So like maybe like an only child.

SPEAKER_04 8:11

Or somebody, I'm guess I'm I'm thinking of it as like you have, you know, like a six-year-old and then you have like a 13-year-old. So you don't have like they don't have peers like right close to them.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

Got it. Yep. Okay, well then I probably did cover the question um appropriately. So I will pass it over to to Gourtney.

SPEAKER_04 8:30

Okay, so this is a perfect example of how like we both will hear something and answer it completely different because I heard the question as like what kind of activity? So my mind went to like things we do as a family, not necessarily school. So she covered the school stuff. I'm gonna cover the other stuff. Okay, so um we have a large age group in my house too. We have, I mean, not as large as that, but um, my youngest is 11 and my oldest is 23, but now we have spouses, so now we have like up to 28-year-olds at our house or 26-year-old. I have no idea how old my son-in-law is. He's older than my daughter. We're gonna go with that. Um, anyway, so we had this big age group, and we've obviously had this big age group for a long time. Um, so something we do a lot for activities for our family is we play games because games are kind of universal. I don't care how old you are, you can play a game, right? There are there, we have now come into the age that we all play games that we all enjoy a little more than we did when the kids were younger and we had to kind of play like the easier games. Um, but if you do have like a bigger age group and you have a younger kiddo that doesn't necessarily can't play the game, like just full on whatever we're playing, um, sit them on your lap. They hold the cards, they're the ones that put it in the middle. Like they're involved, but in their learning, right? But they're not necessarily like on their own, right? So we do that a lot. We play a lot of team games. So one of um the things that we a new game that we've been playing recently is outsmarted. And so it's like this virtual, it has a board, right? But it also is an app on your phone that I can screencast to the TV and it's a trivia game. And and we we team up with so we've got younger kids and older kids, you know, adults and kids, like middles, junior high school, like all the different age groups. We have like, you know, teams, and each team gets to pick a couple categories, and they might be like Disney movies or Disney classics, or we might have um Harry Potter or history or science. Like there's all these different fun categories. Um, and so having that like the camaraderie of like, hey, what do you know? Like, we know this is your question you can answer because you know the answer to this, and like you've seen all the cartoons, the younger kids and the older kids, you know. So just kind of like pulling everybody together. Um, we love to do read-alouds as a family, and I don't care how old you are, you know, Anna Green Gables or Holes or any of those books are books that they span across all the ages, right? So we do a lot of um read-alouds or family read-alouds, especially like in the car, like on road trips, that have a movie to them. So then we have a movie night. We have a theme movie night, right? So we're gonna have um like we listened to Harry Potter and then we watched Harry Potter, and we had a theme movie night, and we had made butterbeer, um like frozen floats, or they have Hershey Kiss Butterbeer now, Butterbeer, Hershey Kisses, which I don't really like, but we got them because it was a fun experience to try, right? So just kind of incorporating building these things in that everybody can do together. That's kind of how I bridge the older, the bigger gaps, right? Like it doesn't matter how old you are, those things are fun to do together, and you're creating those really good core family memories. I love that. And welcome to our our new um somebody who just hopped on. If you have a question, feel free to raise your hand and just shoot a question out. But we're just going through the questions that were submitted previously.

SPEAKER_02 11:42

Or put it in the chat.

SPEAKER_04 11:43

Yeah, oh yeah, good idea. All right, go ahead, Beth. You're muted, Beth.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

Sorry about that. Thank you for that answer. Uh next question that we have that came in. How do you handle days when your kid refuses to do school?

SPEAKER_04 12:06

Um I think I start with the root of the problem. So, like, do they not want to do school because we stayed up way too late and it's too early in the morning and they're just exhausted, right? Like, there's no point in pushing through school. Like maybe we need to have a day off, right? Um are they not wanting to do school because they're in a struggling with a math lesson that's really, really hard and they've been doing it for a while and you're kind of butting heads, right? Like there's just different, there's different reasons. I don't think I have like a this is what we do always kind of a thing. If this happens, you kind of have to evaluate and take it in. Um some things I've done in the past, depending upon again, like what we're doing. Um, sometimes we'll just be scrap the actual, like, let's sit down with a pencil, paper, and a table kind of school, and let's, you know, curl up on the couch with a blanket and some popcorn and watch a National Geographic show or or a history show or something like that. So, like maybe we need to pivot today that we just need like, you know, we need a cuddle, a uh like a connection day, right? Like sometimes that um that kind of resets everything. And sometimes it doesn't need to throw your whole day, it might just be like, hey, let's do this first, and then it resets them enough that, like, okay, now let's do a math lesson or let's do our language arts or um let's pivot and let's change locations, right? So when the weather's really nice, if you're having a really big struggle getting, so take your stuff to the park and then you know, go play for 15 minutes and then come back and let's have a math lesson and then go play for 15 minutes and then come back and let's do a math worksheet or whatever it may be. Um, changing location when it's hot, we've gone to the library and done school. We have a great library at what we call a riparian preserve in Arizona, and so it's like on this national, natural um, there's like a lake and all this nature and animals, and and they have beautiful windows that you could sit at the library and like kind of watch. And so we've taken school there before, and we saw like a guy fishing and he pulled a fish out, and uh, this big huge, like um, I think it was like a heron type bird came and swooped in and grabbed the fish out of his hand and like flew off. And like we saw that and like, oh, there is some science. Like, we had the great conversations that you know. Um, so I think changing locations or changing your scenery or just kind of mixing things up. But I also will preface this with this with I have a kid that absolutely hated this when she was younger. Um, so I would be the mom that'd be like, let's make a fort and do school on a fort today, like fun. And it would just throw her over the loop. Then she was like done with school because like it was too much change and she didn't know it was coming. And you know, so you also have to read your kids um to try things like that. But for most of my children, that worked if they were having a struggle that day, just kind of just mixing things up and being flexible as a mom. I know that we have these checklist boxes that we just like want to get done and all the things that we have to do to be so that we feel successful, and sometimes we need to scrap it and be like, hey, let's just sit on the couch and read a book today, you know, or and and you play Legos. We don't play Legos during reading time though, because I'm pointing at you because you're from my friend Corey, but Legos are so loud. So Legos is not a quiet activity because they always want to dump the bucket and they want to like dig through it, and that is so loud, anyway. So um, that's I mean, just you kind of just have to go with the flow for that one for me. Yeah, what about you, Jess?

SPEAKER_02 15:13

Yeah, no, very similar thing. So you said exactly what I would start with is what is the root cause? So is a kiddo being defiant, right? Because I would handle that a certain way. Um, are they just overwhelmed? Are they exhausted because you were up late, you know, stargazing or riding bike until the street lights came on, whatever it is. Um, or are they genuinely struggling with a topic and they don't understand it's a comprehension issue? And so each of those I would approach totally differently. Um, for example, um, if we're just exhausted, I probably would change scenery, right? Because kids are rejuvenated by going outside and just having a change. And um, so I would probably go outside. If they're overwhelmed, um, you know, I'm gonna do something different. We might just need to take a walk, right? And have a conversation and get to the root of why they're overwhelmed or stressed out. Um, if they're genuinely struggling with an activity or with a with a concept, I'm gonna back it way up. I'm gonna build up their confidence by going over some things that I know they have, right? Like the step before that in the math problem, I know they've mastered that. So I'm gonna go back to that, build up their confidence a little bit. And then we're gonna say, okay, let's do this together. Let's learn together. Um, and I can't tell you how many concepts a homeschooling mom I've literally had to learn with my kids because I don't remember it from fourth grade or fifth grade or sixth grade or whatever it was. Um, and so just being really um willing to learn alongside your kiddo. Some other things I will say about this though. So I'm not gonna reiterate everything Courtney said, I agree with everything she said. Um, I would say oftentimes, if your your child doesn't want to do school, stop and reflect on your own attitude for that day. How have you come to the table? Are you, you know, just a mess? You're not put together, not that you have to be able to put together, I homeschool my pajamas often, but like, did you come just totally um dragging yourself, right? Are you crabby? Are you were you begrudging all of your morning chores before you even got to the table, right? Because nine out of 10 times 10 times, mom sets the tone for the day. And so um one thing that uh I grew up with that's important to me too is music. And music, if I am, you guys, if I'm too crabby to set a good tone, turn on music. That will help so much because it does, it elevates your mood, it lifts up your lifts up your mood, it helps the kids um push through. And so say, hey, we're gonna take a 15-minute break and blast the music and dance around with your kids, just it and it doesn't, if you're not like that kind of silly mom, that's okay. Just still turn on great uplifting music and have it in the house. Um, but if you need to step away for a second, like, hey, everybody, just go do something. You need to go in the bathroom and whatever it is, cry, talk yourself, you know, talk yourself up or um call your mom, your best friend, whatever it is, just take a minute for yourself, go do that, then come back when you're ready to have an attitude that you want your kids to reflect. Because we're human too, and we have bad days too. Um the other thing that I would say is timing, right? Like look at the timing. If you are consistently hitting a wall with math on a daily basis, maybe that needs to be the first thing you do in the morning because you have more brain power early in the morning, or maybe your kids don't, maybe they have more brain power towards the end of the day. So look at timing too. Look at some of those like really authentic, organic root causes before you, you know, totally derail your day and feel like you can't do anything right and you're something's wrong with your kids, right? That's likely not the case. Um, but sometimes you do have patterns, right? There is a pattern. Every day your kid is showing up crabby, every day your daughter is fighting you on math. Then it's time to look at what is what is the pattern telling you, right? Is the math too hard? Is your son reading a book that is creating a just this defiant crabby attitude that you're seeing coming out? Um or you know, do you have a teenager who's watching reels? This is a real thing. I don't know the science behind it, but TV and reels just create this negative, crabby energy when you watch them. It does in kids, it does in adults. And um, so actually have a little challenge out there for moms. If you're finding yourself coming to the table crabby, you're just not in the in the right mood for school, give up reels for a week. Like just don't allow yourself to watch reels or TV for a week and see the positive impact that has on your attitude. It is amazing. Um, so that's what I would say is look at that, look for the patterns. If you do see a pattern, then it's time to do a deep dive and really try to figure out how you're going to address the issue and the diff and the um that um that push against school.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

That's interesting. I I'm not a real watcher. Is that like a thing? Like people just watch reels all the time.

SPEAKER_02 19:55

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, reels uh and TV, it's really anything, any like anything where you're gonna be like scrolling scrolling kind of thing. Even just like watching too many movies or shows or things like that. Um, there's a lot of of writings about it. Um the science behind it or the psychology behind it, but it really can just bring a lot of negativity into your attitude.

SPEAKER_04 20:22

All right, we have a question in the chat, Beth, do you want to do that one?

SPEAKER_01 20:25

Yep. I just had a baby in May. Any advice on homeschooling a second and fourth grader?

SPEAKER_04 20:32

Well, congratulations. That's so fun. Congratulations. I remember those days like they were yesterday, even though it really was not yesterday. Um, do you want to go first on this one or do you want me to? Yeah, no, you go ahead. Okay. Um, so first, I think I would say give yourself a lot of grace, right? Like um, your kids are in second and fourth grade, so it's not the end of the world if you don't do science for a couple months or whatever it may be, right? Um, I would say when I one of my biggest things that I did when I was in the throes of having babies is I did as much as we could together, and Jessica kind of talked about that before. Um, you know, science was together, social studies was together, read alouds were together. I didn't read aloud actually. I listen listened to audiobooks. That was our read aloud because it just gave me a break. Um, and so that that would be one tip for sure. Um, utilize um like your time. So if you're sitting and you're feeding a baby, that's a great time to have somebody come and read to you, or that's a great time for them to come sit next to you and like you guys to you know do a math lesson. Um, like utilizing those times as the baby gets older, utilizing nap time for those one on one, you know, like teaching reading to your second grader kind of lessons that you need to be not as distracted, um, and they need a little more like intentionality. Um, being flexible with your schedule. So when you have a baby, you can't always start school at nine o'clock in the morning. Like you might have been up really, really late, and it's totally fine to not start school until one in the morning. Afternoon, because that's when you feel awake and feel okay doing it. Um, of being flexible with that, like I think that that was a huge part. So there were many years that after lunch, like during quiet time, is when we would do reading lessons because that was when everyone was quiet and they because reading or those math lessons or whatever it is that your child's really interested in or really needs to focus on, it needs your you know, undivided attention kind of thing. It's hard to do when you're a mom. Um, I would say the other things are is utilize your crock pot. Like, like don't try to stress about. I am my big thing is dinner, right? You know, that's my hill that I want to die on that we are gonna have a family dinner. Um, crock pot was a savior in those days. Like it's really easy to actually did it just now. Like, there's nobody home in my house, you guys. I have two girls off at girls' camp. I have like two kids at home, which and my husband's in Alaska. So, like, I'm really and so my default would be to, oh, we're just gonna eat out every day this week. And I'm like, no, that's silly. Like, we can do this. I threw something in the crock pot today because I knew that at five o'clock I was not gonna want to do it. Um, so anyway, so these all these techniques are good no matter what age your kids are or what season of life you are. But um, that's those are probably my top tips for having a newborn or a baby.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

I love those. And I can definitely empathize because last year I was where you were you are at. Um, so I have a 17-month-old, um, and there's a really big gap between my uh my two youngest. So I have an 11-year-old and a 17-month-old. Um, and I'm not gonna lie, I forgot everything. It was like being a parent all over again. Um, you know, I had so many people be like, you know, though this was probably easy for you, right? Like that's just like a walk in the park. And it was so hard. I I literally forgot everything. Um starting over.

SPEAKER_04 23:43

What's that? It's like starting over completely.

SPEAKER_02 23:45

A hundred percent. And not to mention how many things have changed in the 10 years since I've had a baby. Like it's just everything is different. Um, but anyways, what I would say is um, and this is gonna be part of my answer for another one, another question we have later. Uh, so I apologize in advance, but it's be consistent. Um, so you give yourself so first, give yourself grace, right? Um, know that you don't need to have like this huge magical school day every day during the throes of having a little baby. But uh part, I think it was Pam Barnhill who said, um, figure out what the least amount you can do in a day and still feel good about. So knowing the season you're in, ask yourself, what's the least amount of work that my kids can do that I would feel good about, right? If you're in a program like Venture Upward and you are um using your own curriculum, maybe this is a season where you just lean heavily into the curriculum provided. Um, if that can if you can still feel good at the end of the day about having them just do that, you add nothing else. So sit down, figure out what the bare minimum is that you or your kids can do that you can end the day and say, oh, all right, I can be satisfied with that. Because here's the deal one really well planned social studies lesson every three weeks that's perfectly executed is not nearly as good as 10 consistent minutes every day where you did something in social studies. Um go ahead, Carl.

SPEAKER_04 25:10

Let me piggyback off that with us because what you just said is perfect, is also you don't have to just look at a day, you could look at a week. Like, what do I want to do this week to feel successful? Because sometimes you can't look at a day because when you have a baby days are just bananas sometimes. So looking at a week, like what do I want to accomplish this week to feel successful is also helpful. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

Um, and then another name that I'll say is um Stacey Tushel, and she she runs a company called Well Oiled Operations, and she says, So I think so sometimes we get stuck on, especially in survival mode, right? Where it's like, well, it's not good enough, right? It's not, and we tend to have like these perfectionism tendencies. And I don't know why it seems worse in um like when you should be in survival mode, like with a new baby. I think we all feel like we have something to prove. Like I can still homeschool and have a baby, like I can do it all. Um, and what she says is that perfectionism is procrastination wearing a prettier outfit. And I really love that because I think sometimes, especially homeschooling, home educating moms, we wear perfectionism as a badge of honor, right? Like, oh, I put together this beautiful history lesson and it was perfect. And I'm I'm a perfectionist, you know, we say it almost like it's a positive quality, but I think it's time to start calling it for what it is. And that's exactly what Stacey Tushel says, which is it is just procrastination in a prettier outfit. Um, and it can really stand in the way of being consistent. And so that would be my biggest advice is be consistent, just do little little blocks of time at a time, or little blocks here and there together at a time. Um, also second and fourth grader. So that's like eight and ten, I think, right? Um there, so if you're in a program where or if you are in a program or you just want to cover certain standards or anything like that, there's gonna be a lot of overlap too. Um, so look at that, look at joining some projects together. Also, there is nothing wrong with both kids sitting through each other's lessons either. Like that can actually be really great. So if they if you have them in separate science books, for example, just do it all together. Do both of their sciences all in one, combine it, get it done together. Um, those ages are close enough that you should be able to do that with quite a bit. Um, but also I have two other um pieces of advice, which is be patient with yourself. Um and then the other one is if you have a second parent in the home uh or grandparent nearby, be really specific about what you need, right? So often I'll hear mom say to me, like, I just wish my husband would help more with the homeschool side of things, or I just wish they would help more around the house. Okay, have you told them exactly what you need? Don't don't say to your husband or your partner, you know, I need you to help me more, right? What does that mean? Right? Or a grandmother comes to visit and um you you think, oh, it should be nice if they could help a little bit while they're visiting. Be specific, right? Um not everything is as intuitive as I think we think it should be. Um, but say to your partner or a big kid, it can be a big kid too, right? Um if you just say, have you ever said to a teenager, like, I just need you to help out a little bit more. But what does that mean? Help out how. Um, so say to your to your grandparent, to a partner, to a spouse, to a big kid, hey, it would just change everything for me if you could take out the trash every single night. It would mean everything to me. And I did this one. I sent to my husband, I said, because I was that mom for years, like, could you just help out a little bit? And then finally I realized, okay, he doesn't know where to start, right? Because he he's not here every day. So I said, Hey, could you could you take on reading out loud to our kids every night before bed? Could you take that off my plate? Because that, right, that's a that's a homeschool mom through and through, like, we got to read out loud every day. And it's not something I particularly enjoy. And so he did. He took over the reading of the kids at night and he loves it. Um, I also said, Hey, could you help out? There was a season where I just needed him to help out a little bit with math. I'm not really a math person. I needed him to just help. Another season, I went to my husband and said, Hey, I don't need you to know a lot about what's going on, but here's a checklist that the kids are supposed to do every day for their school, these specific kids. Could you just have them physically show you their work before they go to bed and check it off for me? Just be that person who can help hold the kids accountable. So I encourage you to reach out, like I said, to your um 10-year-old, your fourth grader, totally capable of taking a task with a second grader or with the baby. Hey, you're gonna during my math time with the second grader, the fourth grader's job is to play with baby. Um, be really specific um to those around you who can and are willing to help you.

SPEAKER_04 30:01

For a lot of years, I just wanted to piggyback on that, because for a lot of years, I mean, I had seven kids like under the age of 12, right? We would um I we kind of did like rotations, right? So they would do math and then language art, like they would all do something different at different times depending on what we need. But when I had to do like a language art system with so and so, there was always someone that was in charge of the toddler or the baby. Like they had to entertain like the that that half an hour was theirs to um like it was just part of the rotation. And so using they want, they love it. Like I still have pictures of like my you know 11-year-old doing a little art project that she came up with with the three-year-old, like all by herself, you know what I mean? So they love doing that to to utilize them, and same with your husbands. My husband's always like, Oh, that's awesome! Of course, I'll like you know, do the science experiment with the kids, you know, because they love it and gives them something to do, and it's like a huge thing off my plate, right? Like when we did Generation Genius, um, for a while, I was like, Okay, we will, I can watch the videos and we can answer the questions, but I need you to like own the experiment once a week.

SPEAKER_02 31:02

They had so much fun. I love it. And one thing I'll still actually a piece of advice that Courtney gave in our podcast, which is this might be your season to team up with other moms. So find another mom or two that have kids similar to your ages and ask if they want to get together once a week for science. Um and uh, you know, take turns teaching it, take turns watching each other's kids and hosting it. Um, but Courtney has shared that advice many times, and I think it's really powerful.

SPEAKER_04 31:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:31

So fun.

SPEAKER_04 31:32

Good luck. But feel free to ask more questions too. Hopefully that was helpful.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

Thank you. Okay. Next question. So uh these questions so far have been what to do. Now we're gonna try to find out from you what not to do. What was the biggest mistake you made in your first year of homeschooling?

SPEAKER_04 31:56

Oh, that one's easy for me. I'll take this one. Can I start? Yeah, please, because I don't know what mine is. Okay, so my background is education. Like I have a degree in elementary education. I was a brick and mortar, like I taught at a school. So I think when I started homeschooling, I tried to do like school at home. Like, you know, like, hey, we're gonna. I mean, I literally, you guys have pictures of my kids with their backpacks on, like walking to school, and they would like walk around. I mean, they thought it was funny, but they would like walk around, they did it, but they would walk around the house and they would go to school, and and we had a school room and we had like cute little desks, and you know, I had the calendar wall, like all the things, right? Um, I feel like being a homeschool mom with that background, like I had to unlearn everything I'd learned in order to be like a good homeschool mom. Um, so for me, it was trying to like replicate exactly what you do at school. Like, you know, we say the attendance or not the attendance, we say the pledge of allegiance. And you know, I we I literally did that, you guys said so. I now I think I look back and I was like, oh, I'm so dumb. But that's what I did because that's what I knew, right? So um just just not trying to do a full, like real life, you know, school at home day. Like that was definitely my I we look back at all. I laugh so hard when I look back at the pictures, I was like, oh my gosh. So, anyways, there you go.

SPEAKER_02 33:10

And it's so funny because some people really thrive in that environment. Like we still say the Pledge of Allegiance. Uh we really yeah, once a week, uh Pledge of Allegiance and a Pledge to the Bible. Um, we do at our co-op once a week.

SPEAKER_03 33:22

We do it at co-op, but not every day, like at our house.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

Not at our house, no. Um, but uh I love that. And but I'm kind of the mom though that does kind of thrive like I kind of thrive off that kind of stuff. So for me, it's like I still I do some of it, but this is how different Courtney and I, and I love it because you need lots of different perspectives. And I think what it points out is that there's no wrong or right way, like it's just taken, you know, taking um and push away feedback as it pertains to you and is a good fit for you. Um, I would say the biggest mistake that I made is um, and I feel ashamed to even admit this. Um, go ahead. No, you go first.

SPEAKER_04 33:59

No, no, keep going.

SPEAKER_02 34:00

But I have another one is I shut down my little kids' learning windows. What do I mean by that? Is that um I was really focused on my big kids. Um, and I had a little boy at the time, and he was he was just a couple years old, and he really wanted to do school with the big kids. And I was like, no, no, no, you're you know, you're you're just kind of a little kid, you know, you can play blocks and do those things. And he wanted to sit down with a workbook, you guys. He wanted to sit out with a workbook, and I shut that down. I was like, no, you're not old enough, just be a kid, right? But what I found out is that kids have a learning window that opens wide up at about three years old. And if they have a big sister or brother who is doing schoolwork, let them do schoolwork, right? And I was under this impression, well, you know, and this I mindset of like, oh, I just want my kids to be kids and we'll start formal schooling as they get older. And I'm still a huge believer in that, but I'm also a huge believer in following cues and getting kids when their learning window is wide open. And I don't, I don't know if other people have found it, but I have found that from three to five is at preschool, right? That's when they're wide open and they want to consume everything. I think you need to be very careful, especially with reading, right? Um, in my opinion, to not overdo it. But I, you know, give them the workbook, right? Don't make them do it, but allow them to do it if they want to. Don't write them off as too young or you know, not able to do formal schoolwork. If they're giving you cues that they want to do it, let them do it. It's not gonna be perfect, it's gonna be really messy, right? They might literally just scribble all over their pages, but they're excited and they want to do what their big kids are or their big siblings are doing. So I encourage you to include your little kids if they want to be included, they're ready.

SPEAKER_04 35:52

Yeah, absolutely. And they'll be so proud of it. They're like, look what I did as soon as dad gets home. Okay, here's one more thing I did at the very beginning, and I I I did this for a couple of years. I didn't learn my lesson for a while. Is I would plan out our entire school year over the summer, as in like there, I had a I had a bio folder like weeks one through 32. And in week one was their spelling words, and they're all five math lessons and all their works, like everything all brought. So I would just pull out the folder. That's not how real learning works because hello, real life. Yeah, Sarah's laughing at me. That was it, was so funny. I now look back and I was like, oh, but it's how I taught school, like it's how I, you know, as a teacher, you prep all your lesson plans, or everything was ready. So everything was ready, but it didn't account for like a kid getting sick or your toilet overflowing or somebody needed to go to the doctor's appointment. So then we were always off. And anyways, it it created way more chaos than it really needed to do because I was trying to be more prepared and ready. So there you go. Don't do that. That's my my other thing I did in the beginning.

SPEAKER_02 36:50

And I think with that, um, I I love I love that you're sharing this because what it really does is set you up for failure because the first overflow toilet you have or doctor's appointment, or mom is sick, heaven forbid, it happens, it's horrible. But mom gets sick, right? And you're out with a stomach flu for three days, all of a sudden now you feel like you're a failure. Well, I'm so far, and then you're so far behind. Well, what's the point at this point, right? And it's just chips and chips away at your confidence. And, you know, pretty soon you feel like, well, maybe I can't do this. Maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mom who educates our kids at home. Um, and the reality is, no, you just met real life and you know, prepared in a way that didn't account for real life. Um, but one thing you can do as an alternative to that is if you are a planner, right? Where you think, well, I I have to plan it, I want to plan it, plan an order, right? A scope in sequence. What would you like to accomplish in a school year? What order do you think might be a good order, but stay super flexible and don't nail it down to the day or even the week. Yeah, for sure. Unless you have a co-op who is really structured or like a program like Venture, then you can be a little bit more like looking ahead to say, okay, well, in co-op or in venture, we're gonna study volcanoes in week five. So I'm gonna start looking for some cool books, and that is totally different. Um, but if you are creating the spine itself of curriculum, definitely uh big warning flags there. But they were so pretty.

SPEAKER_03 38:20

I bet they were. They were color-coded and everything. Shocking, I know. Sorry, Beth, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

I love that. Okay. How do you separate mom or dad role from the teacher role when they blur together?

SPEAKER_04 38:37

That's so funny. Somebody just asked me. I was driving up to girls' camp with um another lady. She doesn't have kids yet. She's I don't know, 24 or 25. And she asked me that, like, because she's a teacher, like a you know, an elementary school teacher, and she asked me that question. Like, how I don't understand how do you like separate from you know, mom and dad teacher role? And I didn't really have an answer for it. I was like, it's just we're the same thing. Like they just know, like it's all the same. Like, I'm always gonna be their teacher and I'm always gonna be their mom. And so I don't, I could I didn't have a good answer for it. So Jessica, I'd love to hear if you have an answer.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

Um, yeah, is don't separate it. That's my answer. Don't separate it. Um, so what I would say though, um, so my kids will always tease because I love to turn everything into an educational opportunity, right? Like, I don't think it's possible for me to take my kids on vacation without making it some sort of educational experience. I just I love education. I love to learn. I love to make uh learning living, right? Like living history. Let's go explore some sites, let's, you know, comment about the comet that's flying over this week or whatever. Um, but what I will say is um there does need to be, I encourage you to have like a shutoff time though, right? Or pattern or rhythm in your home. If you're um if you're upset, right, you have an interaction with a child, maybe a ninth grader, and you guys struggled through, right? Tears were there as you struggled through that math lesson or that reading assignment, whatever it is, at some point finish school for the day, like your official school day, and don't carry over any kind of you know hard feelings, right? Um, make sure that you rep you're constantly repairing that relationship. Um, because it is, it can be hard on a relationship to um be the teacher that counted, because really it's it's the accountability partner you are, right? And we have a duty as homeschooling parents and as home educating parents to make sure our kids get a solid education. And so sometimes we do have to be the bad guy and say, you know, if you don't get your schoolwork done, you know, you're gonna have to have homework or you're going to not be able to go to this or that. But um, I think those are extreme circumstances. Generally, I like to end the day and say, okay, and not let consequences carry over. I mean, if there's patterns, right, that's something different. Um, but at some point you have to shut down the school day. It doesn't mean you're not still a teacher and looking for educational opportunities and doing fun things. But you don't want a kid sitting down at the dinner table with their head down because they think mom's still, you know, upset that they didn't get their math lesson done. Um so just make sure I think that you're bringing your school day to a close from that perspective. Um, but as far as like separating out yourself from a teacher and a parent, I I don't think you do. I think it just becomes part of the culture of your family.

SPEAKER_04 41:41

So um something you said made me think of something. So one of the things that I do with my kids, probably starting at second or third grade, if not even a little bit earlier, is um we make there there's like a checklist kind of like, hey, these are the things you have to do this week. Like you have to do language arts four times, or you have to do math four times, or whatever it is that you want them to read aloud this many times. And and I don't care what day they do it, like I have you know, one kid that loves math and he's gonna do all four math lessons in one day, and he's done for math for the week if he wants to be, right? Um, is we we kind of have this checklist that they have, and they know that like these are the things that we have to do each week before we have what we call Friend Friday, like after co-op they can have friends, right? And so they know they have to get it all done by Friday, and so it kind of takes the like teachery, like you have to do this kind of a thing out of the thing because it helps them be like they're in charge of it on their own, right? Um, so that that is a huge thing, I think, for me, that makes you makes you feel not as teacher-y, right? Because I'm not like being bossy about it. I'm just like, hey, this is it. And they know, and you only have to do it once. So you have to get to Friday once where they didn't get all their checklists done, that they have to come home and do work for them not to do that again, right? So letting them own their work, I think is a huge part of not having that like you know, teacher, you know, have to roll. I don't know, I'm not saying that right, but you know what I'm trying to say.

SPEAKER_02 43:05

So one thing, and I and and these ladies know me well enough to know that I don't, I don't love to in things like this, I don't love to always plug venture. But I'm going to for a second, because it doesn't have to be venture, it can be any program. If one one of the one of like the silver linings, right, and great things about being in a program is you can blame the teacher, be like, well, we gotta get this done for Miss Bridget. You know, Miss Bridget's gotta have this by the end of the day on Friday, so we got to get this done. And so sometimes it's nice to pass the buck a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 43:37

That looks like another yeah, we kind of have a follow up question to like teacher role. Um, how can I handle the tears when they get the answer wrong? How can I build their confidence that it's okay to get things wrong because it's our first time learning a new skill? I don't feel like they believe me when I tell them that it's okay.

SPEAKER_04 44:00

I had a daughter that was like a perfectionist in this, and this was a regular occurrence. Like regular occurrence. Um, but now she just graduated nursing school, so she came, she overcame it, right? Like she's learned. Uh I would say we did a lot of um picture books that kind of like role-played, like what was happening um to build that self-confidence to know that it's okay to mess up. And then calling out like when I messed up, because we mess up, right? And like only like, oh shoot, like I don't know how to do this, you know, and just kind of talking it out with them so that they see that everyone is human.

SPEAKER_02 44:36

I I mean there's I don't know, that's probably I'm sure you have more things, but so um, I don't know if if mom is willing to share in the chat, and it's okay if you're not. Um, but does this happen to be um a gifted student from what you can tell so far? I'm guessing the answer is yes. Okay, yeah. So um this is a very common problem for gifted children. Um and um it's one to take really, in my opinion, it's one to take really seriously at this age. So it's either gonna be so she had said she had a fourth and a second grader, so it's one of those two. Um, it's something you definitely want to get on top of when they're young because it will turn it not will, it can turn into crippling perfectionism. Um I went through this with um I've done it with a couple of my kids, but really um quite heavily with my oldest daughter, who's now 23 and getting straight A's in a very difficult university. Um, but um we did have to do a lot of deep work um for her to be able to thrive. And I'm not gonna say this perfectly and definitely do your own research, but um, kids who are gifted um will, like I said, often struggle with perfectionism. And later in life, especially when you get to testing seasons, right? Like when they have to do the ACT, SAT, those kinds of things. Um, and even just regular testing throughout the school years could be very difficult for them. And so I really encourage you to allow your student to get a lot of testing exposure that might, and I know some homeschooling parents are not gonna like me for that advice. Um, but you if you if you're dealing with this, you might also have a child who has some anxiety. Again, that all goes along often with giftedness. Um, and one of the best recommendations I can give you, and um we can share some resources too, but is get connected with other parents of gifted children. There's even organizations out there. I can't think of the one in Minnesota where I am. They have a great one here that we had connected with years ago. Um, and they have really great um resources for families who are raising gifted children. It just is something very unique. And again, not something that I just want to breeze over because it I've seen how it really can create um crippling anxiety and perfectionism, and it's it's something you want to get on top of. Um, and it's easy, I shouldn't say easy, but it's very doable. You shouldn't be scared, you should be empowered, right? Like I recognize that I have a gifted child who struggles with perfectionism, who struggles with this, you know, um, you know, when they're they struggle when they get things wrong. And so definitely dig it. We don't have enough time here to probably go over all of the things, but we can give you some resources. Beth, I'll make sure that I get some resources to you to share with this mom. Um, but lots of encouragement. This is a great character building um time, right? This is not an academic issue. This is this is a a child who's who's very intelligent. Um, for example, I had uh I have a gifted daughter who is 11 now and she loves math. And um, when she gets a math problem wrong, it's very hard on her because everything comes so easy that when they meet something that is difficult, they tend to shut down. And so that's really the premise of it is they are not used to being challenged. They're not used to being wrong. Um, and so it can create a lot of problems when they are. Um, one of the things that really helped us was um helping kids. This is probably my best advice out of all the digging that we did. The one piece of advice that was best was tell me your worst case scenario, right? So um talking about, you know, if if they're anxious about something or they're they're you know, they got something wrong. Well, what's what's the worst thing that's gonna happen now that you got it wrong? Like, tell me your worst, what is your worst case scenario? You might be really enlightened, right? You might get a response like, well, you might think that I'm stupid, um, or my friends might think that I'm dumb, or maybe it means that I'm in the wrong math level. And then you get an opportunity to explain, I would never think that. And getting a few problems wrong does not mean you're in the wrong math level, or maybe I'm not as smart as you think I am, you know, things like that, because these gifted kids will often hear us talk about them being gifted and how smart they are. And so now they're worried, well, what if I'm not as smart as mom thinks I am? Uh so I've had that too. And so talk to them about what is your worst case scenario here? Why are you so upset? Um, and then helping them appropriately scale from a one to 10. So we do what is a 10, right? So, for example, example, our 11-year-old's 10 was um her friends moving away or us moving away from friends. That was her 10. And then we, I don't remember what the one was. One was maybe like a spilled cup of milk. Um, and so helping them to scale, like, hey, okay, you got this math problem wrong. What is it? Is it 10? Because a 10 is tears, right? And and really, really sad. But if this is only a two, it's probably not tears. And so helping them to learn where they're at on that scale was the thing that was most helpful to us. Um, this is not psychology advice, it's not professional um uh medical advice or anything like that. Um, it's just one mom sharing her experience with another. But I I hope that's a little bit helpful. Um, but know that there's a community of moms dealing with the exact same thing you are. You just have to find your people and get connected with them and and um problem solve and brainstorm together and learn from some of their experiences.

SPEAKER_03 50:18

Love it.

SPEAKER_02 50:18

This was great.

SPEAKER_01 50:21

Yes, thank you. Um, well, we have four minutes left, so I'm gonna give you one more question to see if you can both um answer it in like two minutes or less.

SPEAKER_04 50:30

Yes, we can't do it. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 50:31

Because I think this is a follow-up. This is a follow-up question to what you were saying. Um you were talking about curriculum, and maybe we don't have to change curriculum because you know you just got a couple answers um incorrect. But the question is how do you know when the appropriate time to switch curriculum is?

SPEAKER_02 50:50

Yeah. I my answer, and I I'll try to keep this one quick. If um if you are either bored out of your mind, right?

SPEAKER_03 51:02

As a mom.

SPEAKER_02 51:03

As a mom, if you're bored out of your mind as a mom and not seeing the results you desire, it's time to be done. Um, if your kids are consistently showing a pattern of not liking certain aspects of the curriculum, like why do we have to watch these? I have a daughter who doesn't like silly things. Why do we have to watch these silly videos? I don't like them. You're never gonna get through to her with silly video curriculum, right? But it exists and it works well with for other kids. So if you're seeing a pattern of specific dislike of the way that the content is presented, it's time to consider something else. Um, or and in this one, I'll I'll I'm gonna be really bold on this one. If you come across something morally or ethically that you are appalled by, be done immediately. Uh change gears because it's likely going to be woven throughout.

SPEAKER_04 51:58

Um I would no, that was short. Good job. I would say that my first thought was if it has been three weeks and we have not done it because I'm avoiding it, because I'm like, oh, I don't want to do that. That's that that's when you know it's time to get rid of it, right? Because if you are not enjoying it and having fun with it, it kind of like portrays out to your kids and your like leaks over to them, and then they start writing it. And and they'll not even ask, like, hey, why haven't we done history in a little while, mom? Like, because they're like they know that they don't like it and don't want to do it. Um, so I I to me that's probably the biggest one. I don't, you know, every single kid is gonna be a little bit different and like different things. And when you have seven kids, one curriculum there might be a kid that doesn't like it, but then everybody else does. And those are the skills you just kind of have to learn, you gotta suck it up and like do it sometimes. Um, so I don't always just switch curriculums because a kid hates it. Um, I I have definitely I'm sure every single person has done this. If you are a homeschool mom at three o'clock in the morning when you're worried about something, bought a new curriculum because you thought it was gonna solve all the problems. It never does, ever, ever, ever. Um so I'm not I'm not quick to change curriculums. I mean, I have totally done that before, especially math. I don't know why it's math. It's always like, oh, we're gonna change math curriculums because that's gonna solve all the tears and all the problems. Um, but most of the time it's if I am dreading it, that's when I know that like this was just not the fit because you have to be excited and passionate about something in order for your kiddos to be excited and passionate about it, really.

SPEAKER_02 53:23

Absolutely. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I know it was quick, but I'm gonna elaborate one more thing. I talked about if you're bored and you're not seeing the desired results, for me, that's important. I use um for a brief period, two years, I use an extremely dry curriculum, rotten staff for ELA, but I do it in preparation for um uh uh IEW, which is a very intensive curriculum. And I have found and seen the desired results consistently produced in those one to two years that I use it, depends on the kid, um, to get them ready for the curriculum I know that they'll love. And every single one of my kids has hated it, but every single one of them is an excellent writer, and it's because of that good foundation we started with Rodden Staff.

SPEAKER_01 54:12

Excellent. Okay, well, we as much fun as this is, we have to come to a close. And I just wanted to know from both of you if families have further questions that they like or topics they'd like you to speak about on your podcast, how would they submit those to you?

SPEAKER_04 54:30

They can DM us on Instagram or Facebook. Yeah, send us a message or comment.

unknown 54:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 54:37

We always love getting new topics.

SPEAKER_00 54:39

Yes.