The Spur Your Way Out Show
Life doesn’t always go as planned, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find purpose in the pain. The Spur Your Way Out Podcast is a raw, real, and faith-filled look at overcoming adversity, holding tight to your identity, and leaning into the grit it takes to keep moving forward.
Hosted by former professional bareback rider JR Vezain and his wife Shelby, this show dives deep into their journey navigating life after JR’s career-ending injury, building a life they love from the ground up together. Through honest conversations, personal stories, and powerful interviews, they’ll challenge you to face life head-on, hold onto hope, and spur your own way out of whatever’s holding you back.
Whether you're chasing healing, chasing dreams, or just trying to stay in the saddle, this podcast is for you.
The Spur Your Way Out Show
Identity After Transition: Letting Go Of Who We Were
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Welcome back to the Spur Your Way Out Show with Shelby and JR Vezain.
This episode takes a more personal turn as Shelby and JR sit down for an honest conversation about marriage, commitment, support, and what it really looks like to keep showing up when life doesn’t look the way you thought it would.
Shelby shares her side of their journey, from horses and motherhood to supporting JR after his injury, balancing the unseen work, learning how to adapt, and refusing to let the wheelchair define what their family can or can’t do. Together, they talk about the hard work behind a committed marriage, the importance of filling your own cup, finding gratitude in the middle of heavy seasons, and choosing to keep moving forward one step at a time.
This conversation is full of real-life wisdom, humor, faith, and heart. It’s a reminder that commitment doesn’t always mean easy, sometimes it means endurance, teamwork, gratitude, and figuring it out together.
Milestone Bellback Rider jail for Zay. Bellback accident left him without feeling in his low body.
SPEAKER_04Welcome to the Spur Your Way Out Show with Shelby and J.R. Bazane.
SPEAKER_00Okay, take two. Welcome to the Spur Your Way Out Show with Shelby and J.R. Bazay. This episode, we're taking a turn here. I'm going to be interviewing my lovely wife, Shelby. We're going to get her side of this whole story, give you a little deeper dive into her perspective and mindset and where she's at, what she's thinking.
SPEAKER_02Hi. Thank you. Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_00Well, this is how to I don't I don't know if I always get the choice whether to have you or not, but.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah, that's just true.
SPEAKER_01It's you know, it's a choice stuff. Good to see you.
SPEAKER_00Good to be here.
SPEAKER_01Good to be here. Feeling good.
SPEAKER_00No, I'm actually really looking forward to it.
SPEAKER_01It'll be fun. I let me know. Um, no, it'll be fun. That makes sense. I really haven't told my side of the story except on one other podcast, and probably nobody's asked me questions like you probably have up your sleeve, I'm guessing.
SPEAKER_00I guess for the new listeners, you can give a little background history, where you're age, where you're from, what your interests are.
SPEAKER_01So I was raised in Milstone, Montana. My main name is Shelly Newman, and I grew up rodeoing playing basketball for three brothers and all of her Nevada. Although two younger brothers, Sage and Sigan, and two happily married parents that give us delight. Before I got married, I was Shelly Newman, and I was born and raised in Mounstone, Montana. Little itty-bitty town, 200 people, and I grew up and playing basketball, playing volleyball. And I had three brothers. One older brother in Nevada, two younger brothers, Sage and Sigan. And yeah, we just super close with my family. My mom's family is on from one side of the river, and my dad's family's on the other side of the river. So grew up really close now with my siblings and my cousins, my uncles, my aunt, my grandparents. So feeling very blessed and fortunate to grow up like that. And graduated high school and went on to college rodeo at Sheridan, Wyoming, and then transferred to Coolidge, Arizona. And started my degree in dental and then switched over to education. And somewhere along the Hingerson Road Road of Life and that long-haired, red-headed bear wagon writer.
SPEAKER_00So that's what made you not finish your degree?
SPEAKER_01Royal wives don't have college degrees.
SPEAKER_00No, just curious.
SPEAKER_01Well, being an ultimate, like be my little royal wife or finish college. Like, oh, that is so hard.
SPEAKER_02But I think I'm gonna go with being the wife.
SPEAKER_00Ultimato? I gave you the opportunity, huh?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like you were traveling the world and I was stuck in that dorm room and I was like, I just want to be a rogue.
SPEAKER_02I just want to see what it's like.
SPEAKER_00Pretty sweet, wasn't it? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so it was I was very fortunate. After I met you and we dated for kind of we dated for what like what six months, seven months, and then you got asked me to marry you. Mind you, on April Fool's. So did you plan that?
SPEAKER_00Like didn't seem like that big of a joke.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, April Fool's got engaged, and then a year and a half later we got married on your grandparents' place in Red Lunch, Montana, and fixed up my great grandma and grandpa's old ranch house on my family's ranch, and kind of started just living. A lot of few cows, a lot of new horses, a lot of you horses, a lot of you sheep. We were just figuring it out. And then to the September 1st of 2000 or 2018, I found out I was pregnant. And then September 20th, got on your wreck.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so go back. We'll get into that. But one one thing that I think a lot of people that know me that don't know you, I always joke whenever I do speaking engagements or something. Whenever I tell that story, like my dream was to be a cowboy, be just like my uncle Duncan trained horses rodeo and own a ranch someday. Because my family didn't own a ranch. We weren't Western oriented and grew up in a Western way of life, but my family didn't own a ranch. I always joke saying that when I met Shelby, her family had a bigger ranch than I did, so I put a ring on it. But what I find interesting as I became part of that family, there's really deep, long roots from both sides of your family. Not only in that area, but in the whole state of Montana. Your grandpa was a rodeo contractor, your dad, your uncle picked up for him, their grandpa, your dad's grandpa was a cattle bearing in the country. Your other grandpa lived to be over 90 years old and was born and raised in Maestone. He was there his whole life, so he saw almost a century of change in that area. The history of your family runs very deep in not only just milestone, but the whole state of Montana. So my family has similar sides, a lot of history in the state of Montana as well from a different side of life. So to see those blend together, I think a lot of people don't understand that when they look at our story, they don't understand how deep the Newman roots go and how much tradition and history we grew up with.
SPEAKER_02I felt like like all of us cousins and siblings, we all just joked that we grew up with the best child.
SPEAKER_01And I remember, oh gosh, how old would I have been like elementary age? My like you said, my grandpa Rodney's he owned a stock contracting company with fucking horses and fucking bowls. And we would in the summer we'd all load up and travel all over the state going to Rodeos, and it was really fun. My grandpa was the stock man, and then my dad was a pickup man, and my uncle was a pickup man, so we all got to go as a big family and camp out, and all of us cousins and my brothers we got to go to the fairs and ride all the rides, and yeah, just like looking back like in the moment, you always think that everybody's growing up like that, and then looking back, I'm like, that was the best. Like we we made so many memories that was like the best way to grow up. Yeah, so to group like to grow up like that, I mean I always just think that was just the best childhood, just traveling around with your siblings and your cousins going to rodeos and watching your campus stuff, renting the shoes, and just like it's the whole circle moment. We all grew up and my own daughter, and then he went on to ride bulls on the PBR, and then I called Rodeo and then my little brother Sage, he called Rodeo and then went on to uh make a few or he's currently still rodeoing, but he's been doing very well and making the NFR and yeah, it's been awesome.
SPEAKER_00So this image that you're portraying to portray everybody that I swept you out of dental hygiene school and made you become a rodeo wife, you're making it now sound like it was bred into you to be a rodeo wife.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I've always had a dental school because I really always thought that I wanted to marry a dentist or a doctor.
SPEAKER_01Somebody that like didn't know like or understand rodeo, but just somebody rich. Yeah, somebody rich. Well, that's not shallow, but somebody that supported my bad habits of horses, and now I know like your grandma tells me stories of her friends who married doctors and dentists and they get divorced because the dentist is like, you spend how much on what they can't even comprehend how much owning a horse car.
SPEAKER_00You got some hits of horse iron diamonds, but can't afford it.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. That's exactly. I'm like, at least you understand that I'm crazy with my horses.
SPEAKER_00I always think it's funny. I went to a semester college with your brother, Nevada, there at Casper, and the whole time I went to school, and I didn't even know that he had a sister. And I'll never forget we were at San Angelo, both of us were out in San Angelo at the primary game in February. My rookie year, so 2012. We are in 2012. We were talking nice out in the Wool's rope, and I said, I think I'm gonna quit school when I get back from this trip. I think I'm gonna quit school and just go in throughout. And he's like, No kidding. Well, yeah, I'm not too high. I might change something up too. I said, All right, well, sure, if you got here and are 90, there's no sense in not going to rodeo. And sure enough, I finished up with Houston and went home and quit college on rodeo and Nevada shifted and went to Bozeman and finished on getting an aviation license and schooling and stuff. But there's a picture from that rodeo at San Angelo, me helping Nevada and I'm hauling from the back of the bucket chutes and it's hanging up in your house.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's why so that was in 2012, right? But Ben hanging in my mom's house. This picture in Nevada's riding a bull, and then Jared's like Jared's, you can see him playing his days, hanging over the like the back of the shoots just yelling at Nevada. And then two years later, I bring that guy home for Christmas.
SPEAKER_00Oh, it was like power manifestation. You manifested it from 2012 till 2016.
SPEAKER_02I didn't even know it was you in there.
SPEAKER_00Glad to make your dreams come true. But seriously, they'll I know we have a lot of similar interests and stuff, but your background is you're not scared of hard work, a ranch girl that ain't scared to get her boots dirty. You guys have a long line of in it for the long mall family. Your uncle said you grew up with an uncle that was paralyzed and dealing with that. I just see the Lord's hand in so much of our story from the very beginning, not in a mushy, we were meant to be type way, but so many of the things that we've gone through. I look back and like, man, you were prepared for it so long ago through your lineage and the way you were brought up and your work ethic and your situation you've been in.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and when I look back, even all the women in my family. I just remember my grandma Marcia, she passed when I was young, but her and my great-grandmay, and even my mom and her mom, like my mom, she works still in this day, she works right alongside my dad, Swathan, Bayland, doing all the cow work. And so I've never been afraid to step in and do whatever the boys are doing or the man's doing because I was kind of raised like that, and so yeah, it's always just kind of been a part of my life, and I think you're right. I think like the Lord's hands is for sure. Just knew that I had the work ethic and the heart to handle to handle the situation.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So we got married in 2016. At that time, what did you feel like your expectation of a new partnership in this marriage were?
SPEAKER_01Oh, that was that was the best day. That was the best day. And I you've never Jerry never really gave me high expectations. Like, you just you just have always just like loved me where I'm at. And that's something that I truly do appreciate about you. But I think like we got married and then like what the two weeks later you were or like we got married and then you went right down to Reno. Right, yeah? Like we turned to the doctor. I actually were married Reno because I did your laundry, and then I put a little note in your gear bag or whatever. That's like a little bit. Here we go. I feel like my expectation as a new wife in 2016 was I guess like the expectations on my sound to really hold down the fort and just be as boredom as I could while you were off. I was like chasing a dream, but you were making a living. And I just remember we had our wedding, and I think it was a week or two later. You must have left to go to Reno. And I just remember writing a little note and putting it in your rigging bag because I remember signing it like Lat your wife. That's the first time that I got to sign it like that. But no, I just there's so many memories, like we just have so many good and bad expectation-wise. It's like a whole number for like for example when you were up in Jackson, Mississippi during this.
SPEAKER_04This was a couple years in the marriage school.
SPEAKER_01And you had told me there was a to tell your side of the story when we saw it.
SPEAKER_00This is your episode, baby.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00I'm listening.
SPEAKER_01Okay. And there was uh there's a like we just we bought a potload of sheep, like long sheep use, and they were all bred with babies, but they were heavy, they were due soon. Well, the guy was supposed to show up in the daylight roll. He didn't show up till like 8 30 that night or nine, nine, five o'clock at night. And I remember like my dad, whoever else was there helping. Me had to I'll just forget this because I just thought, like, is this the life of a rodeo wave? You're off rodeo and then I'm in this semi-with pot, pushing out sheet one by one into the alley. And I just remember I'm like, well, I guess this is part of holding on the board.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think back on that, and to set the stage, we dated for six or seven, eight months, and I'll never forget telling my travel partners. I think I'm gonna go and ask that girl to marry.
SPEAKER_01I just can't imagine going really went through without knowing a Jesus.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because don't sugarcoat it either. Putting Lord first in a relationship doesn't mean that it hasn't been messy.
SPEAKER_01Well yeah, no, for sure. It's not like we were like, oh we'll gone to the center of a relationship when we're the perfect couple. It was like when things got well very walky and hard. And I mean, for me, and it really didn't until yeah, like then the the wreck, and then it was like we really had to remember that god is at the center of our relationship.
SPEAKER_00So, how do you carry that weight without being able to fix it? You're you tell me September 1st that we're expecting our first child together. Three weeks later, I'm hurt. You went from rock star rodeo wife to this new thing, this new version. And I won't sugarcoat me. I don't I didn't make it easy on you. I'm sure there's still days that I don't make it easy on you because my life, my identity was completely up and shifted too. So through the hard days, through the hard season, I mean we have those talks, like the wheelchair is a burden, it can be a burden. Yeah, and we both believe and we both trust and we both hope that tomorrow I roll out of that bed walking, but here we are seven years later. So, how have you been able to shoulder the burden? I would venture to say if you could make me walk, you would. Or maybe you don't like me being able to outrun the foot race.
SPEAKER_01That's a bad question. Yeah, I can I can't say that I I carried it well. I've carried it knowing that like I feel like you always say you're that I'm your rock, but you're my rock, like you give me a lot of confidence and just like a lot of strength. And so besides like literally sitting on the my knees and thanking God for strength, besides him, you're the you're my other like uh for that. Yeah, I don't know. It's been it's been a journey. I'll never forget you telling me twice, maybe it was two times that you you would you like you wouldn't blame me for leaving, for like leaving you. And I I'll I'm that completely honest. That that has never even crossed my mind. And I like not because I'm like, oh well, I can like I'm just dead, but it is. I think God gives us all different kinds of gifts. Like I'm a very committed person, I'm committed to being a wife. Like I I was young when I took those vows, but I committed to those. I committed to being your wife, and so I think that's what's really helped me carry, like, yeah, carry on.
SPEAKER_00I've seen you go through some struggles, I've seen you struggle emotionally. We both had to learn how to love differently, communicate, which I think normal marriage is easy, right? Like, I think even without a yeah, life-altering injury thrown in the mix of it, it's work. Marriage requires work. I think not that I figured it out faster or any of that thing, but one thing that I constantly had to remind you of was it's okay to not be okay. Because I had to learn that it's okay to not be okay. Like if you need some help, it's okay to need some help. Because prior to that, we didn't need help or anything. The only thing we needed help for was to have a good time, right? Like we could accomplish anything we set our minds to and wanted to. It wasn't that we didn't want help, it was just we were fully capable. Yeah, so whether that was financially, physically, spiritually, emotionally, yeah, whatever, like it's okay to hate the wheelchair. Like calls a lady and say that. Like it's okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and we're really struggling. I really struggled with that because I I went through different seasons of that. Like when we were in the hospital and then when we were in the when you have center, I really put on this like face and this front of like I never wanted to like show you weakness because I I always just wanted to like you to think like you could always lean on me and I like if you were having a bad day at therapy, or like if you didn't get a good night's sleep because of the pain or whatever. Like I always wanted you to like to be able to lean and rely on me. I just remember this very vividly because but I also had extra help with we had such amazing nurses in the hospital too. So I felt like that low, like if I couldn't do everything, there was them Rebecca. And so I really felt that when we got home, that's when it went very, very dark and very and I gave myself grace because I tried to be born baby and I had hormones, and we just got home, and we're trying to navigate this new life with a wheelchair and a baby. And gosh, I gained like 65 pounds, it all just came crashing down all at once. And I just remember I was angry, I was so mad at the world for it wasn't weeks, it was like months, it was probably almost over a year. I just was mad and angry like all the time. We went like Cuba and the style town, and I quit going to town in the season because I hated people asking how I was doing. And for so long I'd gotten in this thing, like when we were in Utah and we were living in Texas, going to therapy. If we'd see people or people would check in, I'd say, Oh, we're doing good, thanks for asking. And I I was getting so tired of lying to people and saying that I was doing good and I was doing fine when really I was I was breaking inside. I I didn't know what I needed, but I I mentally was struggling.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's good because I mean we got home and it it's different. It was different. Life it's trying to articulate this because I don't want to say it was better or worse, because it really was worse. Like it really was a huge shift. Now we've grown. Past that to where we're grateful for each breath and make the most out of today. But we used to go to the community functions and dance together, and we used to go to basketball games and shoot hoops together, and we used to do all those things together. So that was our identity, and now we have this new identity. How did that shift? How did you feel that shift in the relationship or in your life? Or how did you accept the identity change?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that that was probably my biggest trouble. I had a really, really hard time with that. And the main one being like just the little things like going dancing. That was one of our biggest things was going out and going dancing. And then I just always felt like that got taken away from us. So that was something that we did as a couple, and we both loved it and enjoyed it. And that got taken away from us on top of everything else. And so I really did struggle with that. I remember that was probably when I was in that really dark season hole in my lights, and I just remember I was just having a day, and it was obviously morning, and I just started crying, and I was like, I remember just yelling. I'm like, God, like why? Like, why do we have to be so different? Why do we stick out every single place we go? Like, like everybody's always looking at us, like because of the wheelchair, because of the situation. And I just remember like I was just like screaming, I was like, it was more anger, probably more forgiving. And I just like this got really still. I've called JR to be different, and then I just broke down, lost it, I started crying. And I went, isn't that so true? If he's calling you on a different path, and I'm here crying and yelling and complaining about it, and the Lord is like, No, I have you guys on a different path. Very upset. Like, just trust me. And so that was kind of the moment that I my identity like with the wheelchair really has it did a change because I'm like, you know what? Like, yeah, we do stand out. Yeah, like we don't just walk into the force show normally, but we have a wheelchair and it does make us stick out, and that might be a blessing in some ways. I who knows like gobbledygoes that how it's supposed to be.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you're talking about Lord calling us on a different path. I wouldn't mind it if it were in calling us on an easier one, maybe I guess. But no, but all jokes aside, I think you you have shown I think one of the biggest growth things I think from you, you went through several seasons of searching for that thing was well for your wife. And I've seen a lot of growth the last two years uh and and freedom maybe for you, for you, because I love being a wife and I love being a mom. You love being a wife, you love being in a mom. And you two other things that I've heard you say ever since I first met you when we were talking about dreams, desires, and passions were to start a coffee shop and be a basketball coach or a coach. I I watched you help the local drugstore start a coffee shop, which you enjoyed, you love, and I've watched you coach the volleyball team in the last two years, and this year get the girls to stay to the highest place they've ever got in school history, and I've just watched you flourish. So I've seen the identity of JR's wife hasn't changed. You found yourself in Christ as being okay who you are. Yeah, and you've I think what I've seen you do is go try the things. Like, I don't know, I think I want to be a ranch wife, okay? Let's try ranch together. I don't know that's kind of not how I envision that work now, yeah. Let's try this, okay? That's not really how I envisioned it. Well to just embracing who I am, who you are, yeah, and embracing the situation and embracing the circumstances. And you're a very make the most out of today type person, just as I am, and tomorrow is a chance to be better. We have that hope.
SPEAKER_01And no, I love that, and that is the that is what I should like. My identity is what I struggle with the most is because I put so so much into being Jared Razane's wife, their inner part of their back rare wife. And I'm not gonna lie, that was the easiest that was a good job. Like, I like that that was that was like pretty good. It was pretty cool, yeah. And so that was what I was like comfortable with. So then on September 22nd, when that got switched off overnight, I was like, who am I? What? I thought like Jared isn't ride their wife forces anymore, so what like I he's dealing with his own Germany, but like, what am I? Who am I? I'm just Shelby, like I don't even know. And so I went through these different seasons of like, yeah, wait, do I go back to school? Do I uh like have this newborn baby? And I had a hard time. People ask, like, oh, what do you do? And like, not just being confident enough to say, like, I'm a wife to a man in a wheelchair where I lift the wheelchair in out of the pickup throughout the day, I settled this horse, I do this, I do that, and the mother on top of all that. I just have like kind of confidence, right? So I would just say, like, oh, like, oh, I'm I'm just a mom. It's like, no, like, you're not just a mom. Like, that is a huge title that we need to like hold our hands high on their shoulders back. Like, that is a privilege, that is just a huge blessing to be able to be a mother, to be a wife. And so I finally have gotten comfortable because of God's grace in my walk with him, like just reading the word, doing Bible studies, like just thinking about all the women in the Bible, like how in just being a woman and what that comes with. And yeah, it's and just yeah, like you're saying, like just trying different things and like being a coach to like I get to coach the most amazing girls that literally are just like I'm sure I don't know if they like me as a coach, but they make me want to be better. And I think that if you can find a passion or a hobby or whatever that makes you want to be better, I think that you're doing exactly what God has called you to do, and I was thankful that God has allowed me to grow and to finally just be content and grateful for just being a wife, just being a mother, just being a coach, and just trying new things, and there's a blessing to that too. Like, I've put two horses in the all-girl Carolex now, um, Sankeys, and like you always think like if the wreck wouldn't have happened, would I have stepped out of that comfort zone and done that? Maybe, but maybe not, and so there's so many things that from the wreck, I've had the opportunity to grow into like the wife, the mother, the friend, the neighbor, the daughter, the sister who God has called me to be.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm not I've watched that from you. I've you're the one talking so long. No, I like how you hurry up. No, I've I've watched you blossom and bloom into that and continue to learn and grow. What's been the hardest thing for you in this journey?
SPEAKER_01Trusting trusting you as an equal parent to me because of my physical ability. And and not like say I'm just trying to be honest, like it's gonna it's gonna well you know it's gonna shut a line to kill you. Because it's caused conversations about me, you questioning why I don't trust you with to you know with certain things with our son. And it's been definitely a lot of prank and a lot of surrender.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's good.
SPEAKER_01So the And I guess to extend that, like meaning the audience doesn't really know what I'm talking about, but like for example, like if Bottom got away on Molingold chip or or something, I I just it I won't say that I don't know if I don't have a little like trauma from from Jerry because I think I do what I I've obviously been trying to work through that for the past seven years. Just surrendering like what like what I think what what I can't control. And especially with though back and having a new baby, I I feel very like had this like hovering I don't think I was a helicopter mom, but I like was always like what if like what if, what if and and I knew that I wasn't supposed to be living my life like that, but I just put on this like extra like layer of like protectiveness. And I and I I don't know that would have been like that with the wreck, but I just feel like it all sounds back to because in the wreck I just seem a little bit overprotective, and so then I had a hard time like trusting you. Like, what is high runs behind the horses? Like, are we gonna be able to like run after him and get him run? Like just and I know those aren't good thoughts, but in the dark season that I was in, those were a lot of thoughts that kind of went like faster through my mind sometimes.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah, that's really good. The because as the leader in the man household, it honestly demasculates me too, instead of me being the one that goes downstairs to turn the heater on so the pipes don't freeze. You have to go downstairs and turn the heater on so the pipes don't freeze. Instead of me being the one that takes the garbage out to the to haul up to the dome, you take the garbage out. And it's not that I can't do those things, it's just our routine and some of that stuff, right? So I felt that, and it wasn't I never felt that it was out of a place of lack of love or because you resented me. Yeah. It was out of a place of one of the both. Okay, good.
SPEAKER_01No, it doesn't take that much time, and I think that's the the beauty of my background and and how I grew up is because I love horses, I love everything about them, and I've had I'm passionate about that. So when you like like all we're down here when you want to ride, then I catch my horse and I ride too, just because I like I'm passionate about horses, but on top of that, I also watched you when you weren't rodeoing ride horses every day, breaking colds, doing all that. So I know how important that is to you. I know how much you love challenging yourself and just like right now, getting ready for the world show, just training and that. So if I can just be a little bit of help to you in that aspect, that's nothing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's one of the things I appreciate the most is your unwavering support, regardless, because I've also made the comment, like, hey, if this is too much work, like I'll figure it out still, like I'll hire somebody else, I'll make the job easier for you if that's what it would be. But you've never once wavered from I guess where I'm going with this is my encouragement for others. I'm gonna tackle this into bits here, but so as we've figured it out, do you feel like it's that much added extra effort and extra work to still do similar things like that? Andor both of us chase a dream? Did you have to give up? Do you feel like you have to give up a part of yourself to support me, to help me, or do you feel like you just shift and adapt and figure it out and it rolls?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, I feel like we are the king and queen of shifting and adapting.
SPEAKER_00Point exactly. Thought that's what you would say. We just figured it out. Yeah, if you happen to go get your nails done and I want to ride, it's like, hey, this is gonna take us an hour. I want to saddle before I go do the nails, if you want to do that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, and that was one of my biggest things I would say, because we as parents, but for me for sure, like, especially yeah, once we had Riot, like, because I always have that fear of like, what if we can't do everything like normal parents do because of the wheelchair? And you know, like all those thoughts go to your mind or my mind when Riot was a baby, and then I remember I think it was you, or like we both decided that no matter what, like we weren't, we were never gonna let the wheelchair hold us back. We were always like as a family, we were always gonna try to figure it out, and so I love that Riot gets to see us as a team conquer that, and I love that Riot gets to see you chase your dreams, and I love that Riot gets to see his mom help his dad do that because I think that's very important in a marriage, too. It's not always about one or the other, but you're very supportive of me, and I'm just a little bit just kind of I just do my thing with my gypsies.
SPEAKER_00No, I think you answered it perfectly that no matter what life throws at you, if you as a teen want to do it, do it. There, if there's a will, there's a way.
SPEAKER_01It looks different.
SPEAKER_00You might have to get up earlier, you might have to stay up later, you might have to put in the extra effort, you might have to really want it, you might have to work for it, but if you want to do it, it's and I think a really important thing, like for our son, is like we we look different.
SPEAKER_01Like you look, you you don't look like Riot's friends' dads getting on horses. Even if it looks different, it's still okay. You can still go and do that, you can still go and chase that dream, even if it does look different.
SPEAKER_00I think there that's great. I think there's a lot of good notes there. I wanted to tackle another part of that question because I don't want that to sound like it's a small task either. So, what is some of the work you feel like you do that doesn't get acknowledged or that nobody else sees? Because there's so much that I see you do that nobody else even notices, doesn't even think about.
SPEAKER_01Well, I think being a wife in itself has a lot like has a lot of duties of its own, but we figured out a system like laundry, dishes, cleaning the house. Like I think those are labeled as wife duties. So on top of that, then you think about like if you're a wife, you sit there and think about mainly all the things that your husband does, and in a way, I kind of I have to combine those two without overwhelming myself, which I feel like I do a pretty decent job of like balancing it out, but we also have a good system. Like now I take all the garbage out and then I do all that, but you also step in and help me fold laundry or help you fold I've folded almost every piece of laundry for the last seven years.
SPEAKER_03I was about to say, I've only ever seen JR fold clothes at your house.
SPEAKER_01Yes, JR's always folding the clothes. I hate I that is one thing I just buy is folding laundry.
SPEAKER_00She did fold the load or two the week prepping to come down here because I was buried in the leather shop. So remember that. And I didn't have to take the garbage out, but I didn't put the garbage in the sacks and kind of But no, we've had like a good system in that.
SPEAKER_01Like before the wreck, you'd never fold it, like I mean you hardly ever folded laundry, but now like just balancing out our workloads so I don't get overwhelmed. Because I'm absolutely and it's like little things you don't think about, like even like I mean, yeah, just packing the bags.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I can pack my own bag, but can't like in the trailer or like mana jobs, you know.
SPEAKER_01Like in the summer we were coming home from a horse show and we we blew our our back bearing in our trailer. Jar's walking me through it and telling me what what to do. Then I have my dad on FaceTime or whatever, and so the the everybody's helping me, but I like, but then I'm trying to lift this that tire it didn't think of, and I'm like, I'm so weak. But it's just like things like that. Like, I catch myself getting frustrated, I'm like, this is a man's job, but then I'm like, no, like, where does it say that? There's women that have never been married, or that something has happened to their husband and they're doing this. So stop feeling sorry for yourself, take a deep breath, and figure out a way. And then I did, I put it in the horse chiller instead of the back of the pickup. Yeah, even like the other time I come home for oh yeah, we almost hit an elk, I think actually it was, wasn't it?
SPEAKER_00A pickupness.
SPEAKER_01And he has the brakes really hard, and then like all of a sudden, like it's just things people may not think about, but like, for example, when your horse is like kicking or freaking out in the horse trailer, like I'm physically able to jump out really quick and get in the horse trailer and and unload them and see what's going on. Like, JR, it just takes a little bit longer, it's still very doable, but it's not something that you can just like do quickly. So I think that's why it's really important. I'll never forget, like, when we were in therapy, and it was like the second or third day, and I asked his therapist, Lisa, she was amazing. I was like, what's one of the most important things like for for JR in therapy? And she grabbed my shoulder and she said, Honey, the most important thing is that he has support, so he keeps showing up every day. And I'll never forget that because today, like today, tomorrow, I think that's very important in our situation is like keep showing up, so he still shows up. I think that's her story.
SPEAKER_00That's really good. Yeah, you said it earlier, you're committed. Commitment doesn't mean ease or easiness, it just means endurance and shifting, figuring it out, molding, being willing to change and take one step at a time is definitely, I think, our story and our journey. If you could give a piece of advice to somebody listening that might love someone deeply that feels tired or is resenting some of the work or feels underappreciated and overwhelmed, what advice would you give them?
SPEAKER_01Honey, go get a facial. That and that's honest to God, what I that is what I started doing. I for the first like probably the first two or three years after the wreck, I always felt guilty leaving the house because I there's just what if JR needed this, or and he never did, he's always been very independent, but I just there was a it was like a bit of guilt. So I felt like I always put myself last. And not that Jar ever made me feel like that, but I did to myself, and then I think it was like the past two years, like I really have started putting my I get a facial pretty off and I get my nails done and makes me feel good. And I think as women, I think that is something that to take care of somebody else on the level that I'm doing, you have to have your cup completely full to the top.
SPEAKER_00That's so good.
SPEAKER_01Because if your cup is halfway full, it's just gonna keep going down and down, down. So, like when you take care of yourself and you feel good, I just notice a huge change in my in my mental. I mean, I can say a lot of things like deeper than getting a facial is get a group of women and girls that you get vulnerable with and you ask them to pray for you because you're having a hard day. Or you're man, I feel like the wheelchair is really getting at me this week. Can you just pray for for like wisdom and strength and like how to navigate this week? And just having that like support is not people women either, it can be family or friends or whoever. But just having that support. And then I just I love reading and I love listening. And I think that's helped me. Like Joyce Myers, she's one of my go-to gals. I listen to a lot of her stuff on a daily basis when I'm feeling down or feeling like, oh poor pitiful me. She's kind of doesn't care about that kind of stuff. And that some days that's kind of what I need to hear. It's like, well, you think you have it bad. Somebody else has it worse. And I really just kind of started filling my mind with like, yes, you can give yourself grace. And yes, you can maybe you can have a moment where you're, oh, this is hard. But you can't stay there. And I learned that, like, just being a coach with a lot of my girls, too, is like you can have a moment where you're mad or you're sad because you messed up that player, but you can't stay there because it ruins the game. And I really applied that to my life. You can't just have a bad year because you had a bad month or a bad two months. Like you can't stay there.
SPEAKER_00That's really good. Yeah, two things you said there. I heard a quote the other day: you can't give something if you don't have it yourself.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00So to be able to give love, to be able to give patience, to be able to give happiness, to be able to give joy, you have to have that yourself. And I support that of you. Babe, you're cranky, you're tired. What do you need? Do you need a nap and a cup of hot cocoa or what? Because whatever it is that you need, you need to do. Yeah. Because when your cup is full, then you can pour that out onto others. And the same for me, too. I get that way too. If my cup is empty, I get resentful, I get bitter, I get angry, I get all the things, right? So that's a really good nugget to make sure your cup's full so that you can else. And then secondly, that was really powerful. Don't beat yourself up for going there, but whatever you do, don't stay there. That's a good nugget. I like to say you can have bad moments, but I never have a bad day. It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to get frustrated, but if if I dwell in that spot and I dwell in that space, that will take over and compound.
SPEAKER_01Just can't stay there.
SPEAKER_00Can't stay there. You gotta keep your feet moving.
SPEAKER_01It's okay to acknowledge that and be like, man, I kind of messed up or whatever, but you can't stay there mentally. You you have to figure out how to get out of there.
SPEAKER_00Awesome. Well, I think that was it. That's all I have. Do you got anything else to say? I think we can kind of wrap it up. I think the emphasis of this episode wasn't to show that we have all marital problems figured out, or it wasn't about fixing marriage, but rather about honoring the hard work that it takes to stay committed to one another. And that's it in any relationship, friendship, marriage, family ship, whatever it is, they're all hard. None of them are dead easy, right? And they all require work, and ours is no different. And one thing I think you alluded to a lot without saying it was gratitude. If nothing else, at the end of the day, find something to be grateful for with that relationship, partnership, or whatever it is, because gratitude can fill in a lot of holes.
SPEAKER_01So I always find myself thinking about that, like just if I'm having a off day or whatever, just finding one little thing to be grateful for, like it just kick starts that thankfulness. And if you kind of start stop feeling so sorry for yourself because you know that if I can find one thing to be grateful for, that means I'm still here and that means I'm still breathing, so I have a reason to be thankful.
SPEAKER_00Awesome. I think I'll close, I'll give you a space here to close with a couple closing thoughts. So headspace-wise, emotionally, spiritually, physically, however you want to answer this question, where would you say you're at right now?
SPEAKER_01Like on a scale from one to ten.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I would say I'm a seven.
SPEAKER_00What has felt heavy lately? Let's say for me, what's felt heavy lately is I've found ways to continue providing for my family, but it seems like just skim by all the time. And so to keep up with the man role and feeling good enough to be a leader of my household is something that I deal with. Yeah. That's been heavy lately.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I kind of tackle that too sometimes. So feeling like I'm not.
SPEAKER_00Well, I hope not. You're not the husband or the man.
unknownWell, I don't know.
SPEAKER_00I guess I've never asked you what crumbs do you like.
SPEAKER_01I think one of the things that's been heavy with me lately is is just being just my just like the different relationships in my life and being true to who you are and who I am as a person. And I think that leads back to what I was saying. Like it's very important on who you surround yourself with. And it's like that saying goes, like, you are who you hang out with, you're the company that you keep. And I that's been happy with me lately. And so I've been really diving deep and dissecting all of my different relationships in my life because God, if you pray and you open up and and you listen, but first you ask, he like he gives you signs, he gives you nudges, you know, and that's really what I've been doing lately in my life is really praying about all the different relationships and people that I encounter in my life.
SPEAKER_00Nice. What's been quietly encouraging for me? It's been our trip down here, currently in Texas. We just got here a week ago and have dialed back into prepping and getting ready for the world show. And we left two weeks later than we had originally planned. I had to bring some leather work with me because I didn't get it finished up, wanted to get it finished up before we left home, and it just was like one thing after the other. I had to wait out the storm, so I get I had this sense of am I gonna have enough time to be ready again? But I just relinquished that control and I was like, I felt like I did a pretty dang good job of remaining patient and just trusting the Lord's plan. And when we got down here, we went to work, and quietly my horse has felt better this year or this time around, this year, than she did this time last year. And I don't know, maybe it's a sign that I need to quit over-preparing or whatever it is, but just relinquishing that control and feeling that just having confidence because we started earlier. Also, we started exercising her and getting her in shape and stemming my workouts around that and visualizing that. So that preparation was just as good as riding her every single day, as far as feel goes. So that has been quietly encouraging to me. That feels really good.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, what's been quietly encouraging for me is just getting. I think when you aren't comfortable with things, sometimes it may or for me it makes me nervous. So, like homeschooling riot for a month, that kind of had me nervous and just feeling a little bit uneasy because I felt maybe like unqualified, uncomfortable. And then it was just like just gotten to this system and this rhythm, like very lattice because he loves school, but just for him for everyone, like Aaron and Allie and Shelby, the other Shelby, Shelby number two, and like everybody just being like our little support groups. How many is like everybody kind of just being a teacher and just having that extra support has really like just been really encouraging for me as a mom, just to be like, okay, like I don't have to do this alone because there's so many amazing people around him on a daily basis that are gonna help him make sure he says smoothly right, you know, and so that's been yeah, that's been really encouraging and just a different journey for us, but so far so good.
SPEAKER_00Awesome. I'm encouraged, thank you. I know this episode is gonna resonate with a lot of people and help a lot of people out. So thank you. Thanks for being vulnerable, thanks for D. I think there's still some untapped lessons to be learned from your side of the story, and I can't wait to unpack some of those in future episodes.
SPEAKER_01Thank you, I appreciate it. Thank you, I appreciate it. I this journey hasn't been easy, but I think without chair and without this journey, we wouldn't be who we are sitting here today, Jared.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. Not about what you do, it's about who you become.
SPEAKER_01Amen.
SPEAKER_00So with that, when and doubt, spread everybody out. Right on.
SPEAKER_03It's like y'all done this sometimes. Shall we add just for like a bit that I can add in at some point, say something along the lines of like, hey, or make sure to catch me in part two as I interview our special guest, or part two of marriage requires work. Okay. As I interview our special guest, as I interview a special guest and a friend of mine.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03But you have to say the name.
SPEAKER_01Okay. And make sure you tune in for part two as I have a special guest on to talk about marriage and the highs and the lows of it. Stay tuned.