H2B2 Meetup Live- One Second by How to be Second

Nathan and Mondo turn the mics on during a rare live recording of the monthly How to Be Second meetup — a space designed for Seconds to connect, ask questions, and share what they’re learning. In this special episode, the duo becomes the guest, diving into a wide-ranging, community-driven conversation that reveals the heart of what makes these gatherings so meaningful. From honest Q&A to tactical support, they offer a behind-the-scenes look at what happens when people wired to support others come together.

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This is One Second, a conversation between two people with wildly different identities where we're exploring how we're different while embracing that we're better together. In our vernacular at How to be Second, I am a Second, and my co-host Armando Davison, is what we call a natural 1iC, or a Visionary. Enjoy.

Transcript

Nathan Young: 0:00

Hey, this is Nathan, founder and author of How to Be Second, and this is the live recording of the One Second podcast. It's typically a conversation between two people with wildly different identities, sort of a visionary type person, and a planning Get it done type person, or as we call them a second. In this case, we recorded this session during our How to Be Second Monthly meetup, which is a bunch of seconds gathering together to do q and a with a special guest, build community together and to share tactical needs. The meetup is open to all seconds and those who think they might be, and you can register for that on our website. In this case, Mondo and I were the special guests, and we did a live recording of the one second podcast. We have never recorded a monthly meetup before and we have no plans to record more as privacy and trust are very important to us. But everyone in this session agreed that we love to show anyone who might be interested in joining a meetup what the vibe is and what it's like with a peek behind the curtain. We covered a huge range of topics, and it wasn't just Mondo and I reacting, we got the whole community involved as we usually do at these gatherings. We really enjoyed the conversation. I hope you do too, and maybe we'll see you at a meetup soon. And you could take that out of the room. Normally people do. Yeah. Got it. Thank you. I would, I'm gonna leave the Firefly thing in the room.'cause I'm curious what it says like now. Now I'm just like, oh, okay. Uh, also, thank you Samantha. And this, this moment is pretty much how the tone of the day goes. So like, historically, it's always been a conversation around the community, right? We try to make sure that we have like a special guest in, but then it's always like a q and a live with everybody and. It's kind of like an A MAA. This is very similar. We're gonna be recording it, but it's still like a conversation between everyone. And so we're going to throw stuff into, uh, the chat or just into the room or whatever. Mondo and I will take our turns reacting, but Mondo and I have already said like we're gonna keep, instead of 20 minute conversations to a, for one question, we're gonna keep it to just like a minute or two and then also sometimes to like throw it back into the room to be like. Now you guys react like who has a, who else has a reaction to that? I'm gonna stick with a couple of, as we move forward, I'm gonna stick with a couple of the same stuff, bits. And that is, I am going to read out our community agreements,'cause we always do community agreements. And then I have two announcements and we always do announcements and then we'll move on to the main thing. So people who are watching this in the future. It can be like, oh, but this is still the cadence of a meetup. Yes, it is. Hi. People in the future. Okay. Our community agreements, the first one, requests seconds, have the strongest figure it out muscle in the entire world and are form requests. Muscle by proxy is actually quite weak, so requests don't impose on your second community. They unleash them. We commit to flexing the muscle of learning to form requests. Second one is questions and theory versus practical. So when someone is communicating a request or a pain or seeking advice, seek first to understand, especially with another second'cause it probably was difficult for them to pursue that. Seek first to understand clarifying questions and then when it is time to give advice or say something back. Speak from what you have done, lived experience, not what you would do. Chat, GPT, LLMs, whatever they can give you so much better BS with confidence than we can. They don't have lived real human experience, which you have. So lean into your strength. The last one is selling and recruiting. Most groups say no to selling. I think it's completely fine. Like you have a thing that you feel like is good in the world, like say what you have with confidence and honesty and maybe a little awkwardness in there. Like just know that stuff, crowd. Like, we like detail, we like knowing what's going on. Okay. Those are our community agreements. Here's, uh, we have, uh, two announcements, basically. Um, you can be a supporter of how to be second. Um, most of you are in some form or fashion, like with your time or investing in some way. What I would ask is if you are not a supporter, we would love to know. What is in the gap? Not theoretically. Again, our communi community agreement is for you specifically, if you're not a supporter, what's in the gap between not and$5? Because we need to get better and only you know why there is that gap for you, and so help us make it worth it by telling us what needs to live in that gap to cross that bridge. Then the second one is mastermind groups. Um, whether first in command jacket or not, and this sounds crazy, but I'm hoping that starting in November we would be able to launch the first mastermind groups and begin with the first couple people meeting, um, in their mastermind. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can go to How to be second.com on our website and under the professional development tab, there's Masterminds. Some of the people who will potentially be facilitators are in the room right now, so thank you. Future Mastermind facilitators. And if you would like to be in a mastermind and understand what that experience is like, there's the page on our site and then that will lead to like a phone call with myself or one of the facilitators, and we can walk through that experience with you and what that'll be like. Okay. That is all of my community agreements and announcements. And now, um, the reaction time is here. So once again, this is a live episode of the One second podcast. A conversation between two people with wildly gen, different identities, reacting raw to stuff in the world, questions people like you ask. In this case, it is not Mondo and Nathan. It is 16 of us and Mondo. Reacting raw to things that get thrown in the chat. Uh, and so I would like to ask, uh, the first question as I sort of like hold, as my right to do as the host Mondo. This one is gonna be for you first question. Who is making the coolest shit on the internet right now? Well, because I'm a one, of course, I'm gonna say Nathan Young. Um, if I had to go to second place, uh, the coolest stuff on the internet right now is. Local humans saying things out loud to me that actually matter to them. Like there is a lot of high production content out there, people creating cool stuff, but I feel like the actual human identity, how we're feeling, the things that are going out. Going on in the world are real to us, and people just being vulnerable and saying things out loud, whether you agree with it or not, I believe is the coolest content because it triggers new discussions. Uh, I just feel like we need a better way of having those discussions, but it's still the coolest content out. Can you name any one or two, like creators in particular? I would say no because I spent a lot of time not on social, and then when I just started posting content the other day, I recognize how quick I could get immersed into what's going on on social. So now I download an app. Post it, then delete the app for the rest of the day until the next morning and start all over. Or else I'm gonna be checking too much. So, uh, I'm not the best to ask that. Okay. Well, as someone who maybe lives a little bit too much, I think I'll, I'll, I'll catch that. And, uh, I have some other answers that aren't just us, um, clearly us. And then also, uh, I, I just listened to the podcast that Victorias just started, Victoria's in the room, and that one is like. Really good actually. I was like, these are, this is a really good guest and this is like a great set of conversation. Um, and I've been paying attention a ton recently to Josh Johnson, who is a comedian. He's doing like, he's basically doing an entire Netflix like special every single week. He drops like a 45 minute comedy set and he's. Funny. Like, I, well, I think he's funny. Um, and other than that, oh, who's this guy that I talk about like endlessly right now? Roger Martin. So this, like Josh Johnson is a comedian. Roger Martin has a thesis on strategy and he wrote the book on strategy and he's been like, proliferating this concept, that strategy is this horrendously misused word and um, sort of a bastardized concept. People use the word strategy to mean like think bigger, and that's not what it means at all, and that it has like an actual definition and structure to what. Strategy is supposed to mean and people who get it and are using it are destroying other people'cause they're going so much further and faster and more aware. And so I've just been talking about Roger Martin and his book on strategy, like nonstop, like the last two months. Like every podcast I queue up, this would be, that's it. That's my response. This would be a really fun one to get maybe two or three people in the room. If you have one or two creators that you wanna shout out and just be like, oh my God, this is the person who is making awesome shit on the internet today. I would love to hear from many of you. One person for me is the ambition strikes. Pair they really cool content creators out there who are building an off grid property. But the, the wider piece of that is, it's really cool with YouTube how it, uh, democratized content. And now it's just, they started doing it and they started doing, they were fixing bulldozers and building a road. Why am I watching that? I don't know. But it's really entertaining and, uh, as we have democratized content, that's what we're seeing more of. Random stuff like. This is cool. I don't know why. That's awesome. That's awesome. Throw the name of that in the chat if you can. I would be really curious, Stefan, what you got? Okay, everyone. Um, I would say I took, I took you on word for internet, so it doesn't mean social for me. The coolest thing I just learned about is the brick, which is also on the internet'cause their webpage, you can buy it and it is literally a piece of hardware you can use to disable part of your phone to hack yourself. Um, so that you can, for example, put the break upstairs, but you're working downstairs and you don't wanna go on the socials because all the socials, uh, you can literally make Instagram go away and all of the notifications until you go upstairs and shame yourself into actually turning it on. So it just gets a little bit of a psychological break into you. It's not that expensive. I don't remember what, but like 50 bucks or something to hack yourself out of the internet. And I just think it's delightful. They claim whatever, 70,000. Sales. I was like, huh, this sounds awesome. Turn off your phone selectively. Yeah. I like this a lot. Uh, anybody else have anything before we move on from this one? Um, I like Amy Lentz who is hack your hr. She's on uh, Instagram and also LinkedIn, and she just does short videos, like three minutes of. Really good career advice, like really bite sized and you just think, ah, I wish I'd known that like 10 years ago. So I'd say her like short form content creator. Um, she's a hr, a global company, but she's just offering out really good advice for, for free, which is lovely. That's awesome. Throw that in the chat if you can. What's again, right? I think Summer said this like. Being a speaker, being a megaphone for a bunch of other stuff that we like, feels like a very secondary thing to do. Yeah. Let's champion some other things. Let's champion some other people doing cool stuff. All right, Mondo, I've got this one for you. Well, I already used my question for everyone. Does anyone else have something that they would love to throw onto the floor and see how people react to that? All right, I've got the next one, Mondo. What's your reaction to like the the go fast button? Yeah. Hey, what's so funny about that is quick story. This is a very one response. Uh, I took my grandma, who's 84 to a rummage sale last weekend, and on our way back she goes, Mondo. You're such a good driver. And I was like, thank you, grandma. And it was one of those moments where I'm like, I had just been coached to like take my time and drive slow. I'm such a chill driver. Like I drive, like I walk like the show starts when I get there, type stuff. And so hearing that question and how contrast that is to like how I am psychologically, because I'm also like. All right. If I like click the go fast button with my grandma in the car, like if somebody says, should you click it? I'd be like, absolutely. Like, let's get there. So like in life, if somebody's ever like, do you want to go faster? I'm like, bet let's go. Let's do the thing. So I'm all for going fast and figuring it out. Also knowing that eventually I'm just gonna wanna slam on the brake and like sightsee at some moment and be like, let's just stop here. So as long as I have control of slamming on the brake, I'm good. Uh, yeah, hopefully that answered that question. I like to go fast, but I'll throw it back to you.'cause I imagine you've worked with a lot of humans who only operate on the fast track, and so how does that make you feel? The, my instant response to this question, just so everybody knows, I don't get to like, look at these questions and think about and like ruminate on them and like hold that off to the side. So the Go fast button, I thought about this and I was like, oh yeah, I love the idea of the go fast button. Like, let's do that. And then I went, I'm going to my, but my actual, like, really my reaction to this is. I love the idea that there's a button and I definitely want to press it as soon as I'm completely ready to press it. Like the go fast button. Sounds awesome and I'm glad it's there and I will get to that and I'll let you know when we can. Like, so lemme ask a question. That's a great response. So, in your experience in a one second relationship, who has autonomy to press the button? Oh, the, uh, I don't think I've ever made it to the button before. This person is like doing this with the button. Like, I'm always like, well, like by comparison I've one time. Actually this one time this happened, I remember I was working with this guy, Chris. Honestly, this is probably my fault now that I'm thinking about it.'cause I think I pushed the go slow button so many times. I was like, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. And then finally I was like, go fast. And he was like, whoa. Uh, but I remember one day. I want control of the go fast, but is a thousand percent. I remember one day I was on the phone with him and I was like, Hey Chris, you need to sell. You need to sell something. And he was like, you mean you want me to like go? And I was like, no, no, no, no. Let me rephrase. You need to sell something. You need to sell 20 things right now. I was like. Turn on the booster. Like I used all of the phrases and all of the metaphors. I was like, it is the, it is go time. Like get in gear right now or we're dead. And that was an interesting experience.'cause I, I felt like in that moment that I was like, no, rocket time bon out. Like I'm realiz as I am explaining this and answering this and reacting to it that, uh, once again, I'm pretty sure that I had. I had like been two feet on the brakes for the previous like 60 days and then suddenly was like, now go. And he probably was like, what the crap? Like, but you've had two feet on the brake for the last two fucking months. Like, what's your problem, dude? Um, so anyway, yeah. Yo, I, this is one of the questions where I am actually super fascinated to hear somebody else's perspective on this. Like where do you stand on your relationship with the Go Fast button or reading the chat, the control button or some other button. So please somebody say some words out loud that contrast this, this conversation. Is it Caitlin? I don't know if I was going to, uh, contrast it, but I was curious to hear when you hear maybe a second or someone in your ecosystem use the phrase slow down to go faster. Because I think that's something that a lot of us in this room are like, no, no, no. If we just slow down, we'll actually go faster. Does that just completely like irk you or is that something you're Okay hearing. So me personally, this hops into like a spiritual lane. Uh, I believe, and this is a healthier version of myself, I wouldn't have said this a few years ago. I believe everything happens on time. And so I do believe you can be going so fast that you actually miss the real gift, the thing that you are supposed to do and all the stuff that you're doing. Moving super fast is like a faux trophy. Uh, so slowing down to go fast, I truly do believe is a real thing. Because last three years of my life, I was so slow. I was like, oh, there's a lot of gifts out here. I see everybody moving super fast, but because everybody's going past these gyms, because they're moving so fast, I'm able to pick up some new gifts. So going slow is definitely epic. Mitch, what you got? So I think one I noticed in myself years ago, I definitely do something very similar to you, which is the he ha him ha him, ha. And then you go, um, and like, I think I bought three, uh, outta the five cars I bought, I bought the first one that I saw. Three times out of five, I bought that first house that I, you know, and, and a tendency through life that is like, think, think, think, think slam, and the recognition that I need to have more smaller increments rather than just think forever and then go really fast all at once. So learning how to turn on that button sooner so it doesn't land with quite an impact. The amount of times that I have walked into a store, gotten one thing, walked to the self checkout, and then like left, and that thing was$400. And it looks like I just am the craziest impulse purchaser, but I'm like, I've been thinking about this for six months. Like it's been, it's been sitting around in there. Somebody else has their, uh, a couple people have their hands up, just jump in. All right, I'll jump in. So it's great talking about pace and slow and fast, but if you're a second to somebody who is fast, how do you slow'em down? And I think that's the bigger thing. So like what we do is we set the goalposts like what are your goals? And then what do you have to do to get there? And then, oh, that's a lot. Now can we slow down like that? I think that's the hard part is carving out enough time to be strategic about your communications, reach that visionary A DHD brain and pull'em back. Uh, one of the things that I would like piggyback on that, that I feel like would be super necessary is if a second needs to slow down, I need you to give me another assignment to go fast on. Mm, that's right. Because I can't slow down. Give them something that feeds into their speed, but you know, it gets you and the business where it needs to go. Yeah. Yeah. I have to be preoccupied. It's like a 5-year-old. It's like a five-year-old and redirecting go. Yeah. Thank you. Thank, thank you, Jen. I love it though. I love it. I'm, I'm all with it. I'm just messing with you. That's okay. I can mess back. Don't you worry. I love this idea because honestly, I don't, I think I've done this a couple of times here and there, but I don't do this, do other, like, do, do other people have figured this out. What you just said is like important to me. Like, well, hang on. I need to give you a different thing to go focus on. How, how substantially meaningful does that thing need to be? Like, can it be like my kid or does it need to be like still on the vein of the, like, you're gonna call me out like, yo dude, like I don't need to pick up copy for you. Like, that's right. It's gotta be on the vein of bringing the business forward in a healthy direction. So an example might be, okay, I hear that you're getting involved in marketing, but why don't you re follow up on that lead. You know what I mean? And stay out of the camp. I'm trying to manage or, um, you're getting so involved in, you know, this project or engagement, but how about you, um, go get on a podcast and, you know, get our name out there. Like it's just giving them something else that, you know, then feeds, but it gets them out of the, out of the ops world. Mano, have I ever done this to you? Uh, maybe, but I am, I probably naturally do it to myself. So like one of my favorite shows, as we've talked about before, Nathan, is Ted Lasso. And Ted Lasso takes his teams on these wild adventures that make no sense, but it's kind of to Jen's point, like, get them out of this environment because they need to experience something new. So if I'm working with Jen and she's like, we need to slow down. She might tell me like, all right, now I need you to go to this Sesame Street, uh, play. Or something. Like, put me in an environment that's gonna trigger some new thoughts, some new experience. So then like, I'm coming with some new type of energy for whatever's next. Uh, our inspiration as ones or like myself is very artistry, right? Like, it's like fueling an artist. And so I need some new muses to go experience. Oh, fascinating. Okay, I wanna ruminate on that. Samantha, Laura or Lisa, one of you just jump in. Um, I will go. So as I'm hearing, sitting, like listening to everyone kind of talk about this, I'm like so struck by this idea of like, what is the scale of fast, because I have two examples. One. Is, and these are super low stakes, but I feel like we experience these moments of fast and slow and just everyday life. It just doesn't have to be business. So my first example is like I, right now, we just bought our house, so we're looking for some very specific pieces of furniture, right? And me going fast and finding that is every day I like go to a new place to look for this specific piece of furniture we want. And in my brain I'm like, wow, I'm moving so fast on this project. But like I'm not just impulse buying, like I already have a plan in my brain of what I want it to look like and whatever, but in my brain, I'm moving fast. Whereas I've had these moments in life where I distinctly remember, like literally having out of body experiences. That made me so uncomfortable that something else just took over that clearly was not how I naturally would move through the world. And that probably is more Mondo's version of Fast. Mm. But it made me so uncomfortable in the moment. I was like, what am I doing? What am I doing? But my body was just moving in a way. And my example of that is, is. I one time was at a public library and approached a man who was with his family, Nathan, playing his like video games in a library, and I went up to this man and asked him for his phone number. Because I was like, hi, uh, we're new here and my husband is looking for friends who play video games. Can I connect you guys? But like, that was like, I didn't know what I was doing. Like I, and, but like literally, he is one of Nathan's best friends. So like, something clicked and like, we have dinner with this family now. It's been four years. But like, never ever, ever would I have intentionally chosen to move fast in that way. Like I would've anything but that. Right. And so I'm just curious if you can think of this in like what are the moments that made me so uncomfortable in these moments of like moving fast and was that just like me doing a thing instinctually that was rubbing up against how I naturally moved through the world? And what can that tell me about how I view fast? I feel like I have a packed response to this, but also you're my wife, so I'm gonna let Mondo go. So I, I was trying to wait and pause, see if somebody else is gonna hop in. I don't necessarily know if there is an objective answer to it. Mm-hmm. I. I feel like there's a push and pull for the one in the second to make each other uncomfortable. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna make the second go a little bit faster, right, right onto the fringe. And then the second is gonna make me go a little bit slower. Uh, one of the things that I was thinking about when you were telling that story, Samantha, was how important it would be for a second to be like. I need us to slow down and while we're slowing down, I need you to go pay attention to your family. I need you to go take your spouse on a date. I need you to go spend some time with your kids because A one can get so focused on this checkpoint and they lose sight of what really matters because they feel like, you know, competition is turning up and. The thing that they actually need is the balance for the marathon. And if they don't slow down and pay attention to their actual household, they're not gonna be able to make it to the end of the course anyways. So going slow is to really focus on the things that matter 4 0 1. I love this idea too, of like pushing in on it. It's the thing that is making me recognize like my own comfort, discomfort, and that. Well, and this goes back to something I talk about all the time, and that is this idea of like. We like to perceive ourselves as risk tolerant, but I talk about seconds being highly risk averse all the time, and people I've had lots of seconds be like, well, but I'm not risk averse. And then we walk through the scope of what risk is, and by the time I get to the large yes. Of what real true risk looks and feels like. Like taking out a second mortgage to buy lottery tickets en mass enough to give yourself a good percentage chance of winning the lottery. That's risk, right? Some would consider that a calculated risk. And, but that is, that's truly risky. Every second is like absolutely 0% chance that I would ever do something like what you just described. I'm not, that's, I can't even know. And I'm like, right, we literally don't go to 10 on this concept of risk. So like, we feel like we're very risky, but our, our scope of 10 stops at the world's four. Like we're super change tolerant. We're willing to move and adjust at any given moment, but we're actually very risk averse. Uh, and so like what Samantha is saying, and like what you're saying Mano, is this idea of like, I'm not, I'm not like, I don't want to, I want to consider myself willing to move fast, but it actually feels like I'm willing to move. It has more to do with like confidence once again, sort of certainty or risk aversion. So like I'm willing to move fast, but then there are moments where it's like. Risky. And that sort of like coincides. And when something is truly risky is probably truly fast. And that is your like stand, you're like, it just doesn't bother you. And so anyway, uh, yeah. I love that. I want, I want Laura and Lisa to hop in. Yes. I just want to say one thing to that point.'cause you're like, yo, our risk and like our worldview stops at four. There's the, the opposite is true for ones. Where we think we're organized until you meet a true second, and then you recognize like, oh, wow, my max organizational capacity is not even close. And we don't even, we can't even comprehend it until we actually meet somebody who's living in that lane. So again, we, we stretch each other, uh, in the healthiest ways. Uh, so I, I love it to Laura, Lisa. I'll give, um, just some real world experiences I'm having now with my first from a professional lens. Um, so she, let's think of like how, you know, first and normally thinking much further out in the future compared to where I'm at, um, from the day to day. Um, she's constantly so far out, years and years from now on what she's building. Everything is so long term that I actually find myself wanting to move so much faster on. Let's focus on some immediate things that we need to be doing now and not just on what's to come down the road. So there's that component and then also. Um, that, that visionary component in the first identity means that they do see so many opportunities. And so when they find another opportunity, uh, in our case, um, our CEO will tend to then completely change directions. And so I just need her to follow through with one thing. And so that's. Where my like, I wanna go so fast'cause I want us to just move forward with one thing. And so it, it's, it's interesting because the fast pace of it all depends on if they're thinking so long term, like so far down that you're like, come on, come back to me. So. Um, should I have a question there? Uh, or maybe you all just respond to what you think. I was like, that feels like your, feels like your reaction. And so like, thanks for sharing your reaction. Actually, Laura, I feel and sorry to, to, but in Nathan, Laura, no, go for it. I feel like my question maybe piggybacks off of your reaction. So, um. In in a past professional relationship that I had with a first, where I was the second. So often, I mean, we had a standing joke of, it's the first of the month and I've already given you my a hundred ideas for the month, and I'm like, yep, it's good. Keep'em coming. Um, but one of the things we bumped into and had to work through, so I'm curious for the rest of the room, and Mando especially you coming at this from the first seat. Uh, as, as a second, when those ideas come, I immediately start to try to build a plan. And I do that by asking questions where I like. Start to see some roadblocks as we look out a little bit. Um, and it, it took my previous first and I some time, he always felt like I was just saying no, that by asking questions I was in essence tearing down his idea. Um, but in fact I was just trying to figure out like, okay, these are the roadblocks I, and I need to think about how we'll work through them. Um, so I'm curious. For the room if you wanna experience that. And two, if you have, how do you, how do you work through that so that your both sides are getting what they need? Um, and, and really what we're trying not to do is squash the creativity of the first, because we want them to keep coming with ideas. Right. But, uh, but we also want something we can build. We want to help get you there. So how do you, how do we balance that? Mm-hmm. You first bono and then Jen. I think I will ask somebody to step in first, because I'm gonna be a little to the side of the question, but I wanna make sure that somebody answers the di the question directly first. As far as the asking questions to help clarify and understand, uh, that's something I actually learned. I really had to do with any leader that I worked with. Understanding that when I got, I would clearly communicate, all right. When you tell me something to do, I will recognize, yes sir, that's the decision, but now I'm going to ask why. For me, I need to understand the why behind it to remember to do it at all. And so when I ask why I'm not challenging you, I'm asking so that I can actually understand why we're doing something. Because if I don't, I'm gonna do it wrong. I'm a quick question, Mitch. How long did it take you to get on that same page with whoever it is that you're talking about, that you're thinking about from that experience? Uh, let's just say that, uh, didn't work out. He, he was a discernment, tenacity, galvanizing, enablement, with no wonder in invention. I just pissed him off every single day. It's like where he made the decision. Move on. Might work. Mitch, not a good use case. You wanted me to give you the answer, Mondo? I don't wanna, I don't wanna say this because I'd rather You're one and you're creative. I think you can give us your answer. Yeah. Yeah. You got it. Go for it. Your answer is pretty strong. Okay. I just wanna get a bias. So the way we do it is we have four why's. If you just leave an open-ended, why the creative can't lock it down? They're just, their brains are beautiful, but they're all over the place. And so you give them like we do the four P's. Is this to help people? Is this to help productivity? Is this to help profits or is this help presence? And so by giving them that, then that that only, and to Frank, they don't really need to know why. You need to know the why. Because the why dictates pace, how quickly you need to do it, how you prioritize it, among other things like everything. So for us, every single idea, just gimme one of the four why's and I'm good to go. What if it's not a business? I work with some, I mean, like I'm working with some natural ones, right? So, or even Mondo and I have like this, uh, we're friends and so like, it's not always an organization that we're doing. Sometimes it's just like a okay, well people is your kids or your parents or your partners or your family. Productivity is. Yeah, that feels very businesslike. I don't know how I'd play that. Um, sometimes this is my 10-year-old. Yeah. I mean, listen, profits, not to be crude, but in a personal life, it's the number one reason for divorce finances. So like why wouldn't there be some play of saying this is gonna make our savings better, this is gonna make, I don't know. And presence, being seen, being valued, appreciated. Thank you, spouse. For telling me, thanks for making me dinner. I don't know, like I probably could play it for person just as much mano. Now I'm curious where you are landing on this space. I'm gonna say one thing first. I think a good strategy when talking to a one when you're experiencing this is to ask them why they're scared to not continue following their last great idea. Like, like ask them a question of like, like, get to the fear, get to the root cause of what happened that this thing that was amazing yesterday is no longer the thing today. And it's gonna be a, a deeper conversation than you're probably asking them, but it's gonna make that one reflect and be like, all right, so you just keep asking why on that, and then eventually you'll get to the root of the thing and then you'll recognize that whatever the thing is. So I think that's true. The reason that I was gonna respond a certain kind of way is because I think the healthiest ones, and this is 100% subjective, given my experience when a one gets to a point where they're a true believer, again, faith true believer in Christ. Still, the number one thing is let's get more people to believe in Christ like there is no other thing. And so the business is just a component, a piece of the pie to put me in other rooms to get more people to pivot towards Christ. And so if I say, Nathan, we're building this thing. You create the plan, I'll create the story just so I can get into the room to nudge people towards Christ. All the money, all the resources, all the partnerships, all those things are going to come if I'm in alignment with that North Star, because I believe that all the way, I don't actually have to come with a bunch of new ideas. I say, Nathan, can you make the plan? And when Nathan says He's stuck, I need a better idea. Well, that's when I then come and the better idea is already sitting at the tip of my tongue. And so when one's become the healthiest versions of themselves, I think. It switches, and instead of them having a hundred ideas a day, they just have one idea. Huh? I'm gonna test this. I have a couple. I, I like that. I like that question back Mando of why, why were yesterday's ideas not, yeah. Not good. Not good enough to keep moving with. Yes. Yeah, there's, there's something they don't trust. Mm-hmm. Why? I don't know. I don't know either. I guess I'll have to ask. All right. I'm gonna drop a whole new thing. Uh, this got, this got submitted in the registration, so I wanna make sure to get to one more of those. And that is how have you, um, how have you like redefined your idea of success? Now that you have embraced this core aspect of your identity, I'm gonna let somebody else hop in.'cause I think I just kind of answered that question. Mm-hmm. Can you ask it again, please? For sure. How have you redefined success? Now that you are embracing the, the core of your identity for ones that, for seconds, that part of themselves, how are, how has that helped you to redefine success? Or maybe you haven't. I'll jump in. Uh, Nathan and I shared this story with you last week when we were together. Um. Uh, as a high school student, so I'm going way back, uh, was always in, had the opportunity always to be in those like leadership groups, right? Student council or whatever, people that are gonna go do great things. Um, and I was in the room one day and they, the assignment was, write down your goals. I sat and like, whew. That was a hard, that was a hard ask for me. I was like, I don't, I don't know. I mean, and it needed to be a goal outside of what they deemed to be like the expected goals. Right. So they were like, go beyond going to college or getting a job. Like what are your goals beyond. And I, I couldn't think I, like, I had nothing on my paper. And they got, and then we were supposed to share them of course, which was like super terrifying. Uh, as they come around to me and they're like, Lisa, what's your goals? And I'm like, honestly, I, I don't know. I, I'm not sure I even know how to make goals that are like beyond just what's expected. And I, that moment for me is really like highlighted I would say, and memorable as I have really in the last year learned about seconds and the identity of it and just understanding that that actually is who I am. Like I need you, Mondo, or my first whomever. My first is to say, this is our goal. And then I get to go build it and my goal is to build your goal. And so I, I think for me, um, having like putting that missing piece in the puzzle has made me feel like, oh, I do know my goal and I do know how I can measure myself now because I understand. Yeah. Just that missing piece to it of, I, I. I need a first to help me keep moving forward. So I think there's, to piggyback that I, I believe part of my responsibility in the story is to create a new type of, just say strategy right from the one seat. So one of the things I've been saying lately is, you know, how do you follow from the first seat? The reason why I say it that way is because I think it's super important for the one. To go identify the goal. To your point, Lisa, together like, Hey, I have this idea. Does this really energize you? And if it doesn't, it's not the right idea. Mm-hmm. If you do align on something and it's the right idea, the one thing that the one needs to like feel fulfilled through the journey is they still have to feel excited. This is where I feel like having more conversations with one is key. Because instead of thinking about the new dope idea that's a hundred miles away, it's like removing yourself from everything else and living in that present moment.'cause it's always fearful, there's always some anxiety. It's always adventurous in the present moment. And the thing that we're actually looking for to keep us like fully vested and fully engaged is actually right here. But we're too scared to step into the present moment is actually the reality. Mm-hmm. We're still trying to solve something in the future or we wanna continue to pivot. Pivot because we don't trust ourselves enough right now. We don't entrust our internal guidance system or our compass. And so again, uh, there is so much fear there in on one and is sitting in their blind spot. And so asking them these fear-based questions of like, why you're making these choices, I feel like would start to shine a light on like, why? Why they're sending you 700 different ways. Yeah. I'm curious, Mando, Lisa, I told you the other day that story resonated with me. It was like, obviously like the tagline of the book is it's a destination, not a stepping stone. Uh, I, I feel that in a powerful way. Um, and now I, now I navigate the world. Like I referenced my 10-year-old a couple of times on this call where we'll sit at the Lego table and like. Given silence, I'll just start organizing the Legos and then eventually she'll be like, let's build this thing. And then suddenly I'm like off to the races, like, oh yeah, yeah, cool, blah, blah. And accepting that idea. The idea that I'm like, well, it's okay. I'm gonna sit here quietly and build or, and by, I'm gonna sit here quietly and organize until she has an idea. And as soon as she has an idea, then I'll be like, let's go. Yeah. Um. So I'm curious,'cause I started this with a question I started, well, like not just reacting for myself, but I started it with a question on this idea of like, hey, you're always pushing into the fear. What is the thing about, what's the thing about like, okay, for everyone else in the room, I'm a second. Am I more comfortable personally, professionally have I have I been like, oh, I'm changing what success is. I don't need to have success be like that. I have to wear this particular jacket or that I, for me, I've been able to change success, even hanging out with my daughter from, we have to both build this Lego thing to, I can wait until she has an idea and then we can help like accomplish that if I don't build anything. In 45 minutes of sitting with her. I'm okay with that now.'cause like I know where I, what character I wanna play in the story, and that's very successful to me. And so like, has anyone else had that experience? And how has that hit, like what's your, what's your lived experience with like Yeah, I have, I actively changed. I've been able to recognize, I've changed my definition of success while everybody's thinking. I'll tell a quick story unless you wanna hop in summer, you're about to say something. Go for it. Yeah, I can just jump in. Um, with my minus kid related too. I think that I, I tend to be very, you know, productivity oriented or have been in the past and it helped me during the pandemic where I had all of this time where I didn't have things to do and places to go and all of that, and starting to talk with my kids about a bit more about what their best part of their day was. It was the moments we were together, it was the snuggles, it was building the Legos, it was reading the books. It was the stuff that to me, felt like I wasn't doing enough. That was more the most meaningful thing, and I think it started there, but then I started to appreciate those moments of just being with people and just being. Not doing, which I know Nathan, you and I talk a lot about that, but, um, I think that that was what was kind of transformative for me was to realize that there's meaning in the stillness. It doesn't always have to be as moving and doing. And that helps me my professional life too. I focus more on meaning and less on the things I'm checking off the list, which is a little bit against my, the against the grain, right. But it's so good for me to reframe. I love that. I love that so much because the most confident ones, they want to be written in the history books, right? Like at our core, we want to be valued. But if you think of like a Michael Jordan or a Michael Jackson, or. Elon Musk or whatever, whoever you feel like is the top of their industry. Historically, when I look a little bit deeper, I look and see that none of their kids are gonna be written in the history books. And I just made a subjective choice to be like. Did that person take all the juice, like all the energetic juice, and because they wanted that power so much and they didn't invest that time that summer was talking about in their kids that they didn't pass that juice along at the right time and they felt like they had to go like, win this thing. And then once they got it, they're like, well, why can't you do what I just did? Like, why can't you live up to these expectations? But the reality is they would. If you would've poured that time into them at a certain time. This is just my belief as a one. And so when I think about my life and how I'm moving and like what is success, I'm like, Mondo is a better story. You selling a company for a hundred billion dollars and everybody thinking you're the dopest person ever and your daughter having an okay life, or is it your daughter is gonna grow up to be the president of the United States of America? And I'll be running an organization in the community like, like for me, my daughter sitting in that seat is such a dope story to me. It's a better story because it is. It becomes that story of surrender to say, oh, I had all the capacity to do those things, but I surrendered it to give it to somebody else because I care about her living that princess life as opposed to me living the king life. Ones I feel like are scared of that because they believe that they're gonna miss the story that they're actually looking for. But I think that they're misled and if they give to their kids in a different type of way and show up and put the business second, they're actually gonna be fulfilled in a way that they didn't know was possible. Mm-hmm. Totally. Which then means, in a way, the question about. Goals is actually possibly not the question. It's maybe the, the why, the that second thing of, okay, what's the why? But kind of a spooking around my head when, when Lisa was talking and just now with Summer and with Hugh Mano, is there's a part about, partly it's just an understanding of who am I and how do I not have fear and. How can I combine the puzzle pieces of me to say, Hey, well okay, I'm not weird. I'm not messed up. I don't have to be afraid of all the things'cause okay, why am I like this? Because that is just me, rock bottom. There is no explanation of just me. And what that means then is that I can get out of my own head of having to have goals just to prove something or to try out who am I or what must I achieve that I'm not yet, which then gets to Summer Serenity, I think in a roundabout way to say, Hey, um, I can just be in this moment and uh, I can be available for others to build their stories. Because I'm not, don't have to be in my own sort of selfish head to say it's about me. At least that's how it has been for me. A lot of it has not been about goals. My life experience has been more about Oh, I understand now. Yeah. There's something about ones feel like if they believe something enough that they can just manifest it into the world. Right? Like it's just our predisposition. But if, if a one chooses to believe. If I'm balanced, is that good enough? Like I believe all a hundred percent in being balanced and present. If somebody believes in that all the way and says, God, if I choose this path, will you still deliver all the stuff that you know I am seeking? And if somebody chooses that and they go all in on that, I believe that that story can still be true. So. Why I think the one second duo dynamic like it is a story of balance. The team of two always defeats the epic villain that's all on a hill by themselves a hundred percent of the time in every story forever. I love this. This also feel that feels like, uh, I don't have a better like curtain close moment. I'm like, wow, the, you guys just like landed the jet like right on the thing. Um, from there first, this is something that I'm getting better at. Thank you everyone. That was fucking great. What a fantastic episode of the one second podcast. We all just recorded. Thank you all for hosting this thing with me that we can now put out into the world and let other people know, like, Hey, do you want to come to a meetup? This is kind of what that feels like. It's a bunch of people just like this who are hanging out and having a conversation with a guest and this is kind of how it's like every time. Um, and so that's awesome. And we also get to put this one on Spotify and YouTube, which is pretty neat. Uh, I'm gonna transition now. Normally we do this a little bit sooner, but I was just like feeling it so. From here, we like to give the opportunity for everyone to meet a couple of new people or to build relationships with people that they already know and go a little bit deeper with each other and just have this intentional space to spend some time with each other. There is an agenda. Typically, I just say this thing like, if it serves wonderful, if it doesn't serve, that's completely fine. It's just there as some safety. It's not there as like a demand. And so I'll pop a link to the chat or an agenda, but we're gonna break out into small groups. Right now it's the top of the hour. We try to put three to five people in groups. It is the top of the hour and it's very common for people to only have until this moment. Um, and then they need to like jump out into the next thing. They took this over lunch, uh, or dinner in Victoria's case or whatever. And so. If you need to split off. Thank you so much. It was so wonderful to have you. Thank you for being part of both the audience and also the hosts. This was great. Um, and so if you need to jump, uh, thanks for being part of it. It was awesome to have you. And then do so now and then I'm gonna split up the rest of who we have in the room into breakout rooms. Okay, I assign these automatically. So if you get something like weird, then don't blame me. Blame Zoom's ai. It's not my fault. Uh, I'm gonna open all the rooms and then just click the button and hop in.

Nathan: 58:51

Hey, it's Nathan again. If you made it to the end, that's awesome. I have a couple ways you can go deeper if you're interested. If you resonated with the way that Nathan talked about himself, I am Nathan you might be what we call a Second. This is an identity, not a role. We have a couple ways to dig into that curiosity. You can take our am I a second assessment on our website at how to be second.com/assessment. It is directional, not definitive. You can grab the book, how to Be Second from our website or Amazon or almost anywhere you like to buy books, including on audio read by the authors, myself and David Hartman. If you resonated with Mondo, I have a couple things for you as well. Second seat.org focuses on sponsoring seconds to be able to sit in the second seat at Youth-Focused Impact organizations to help them scale. Second Seat is always looking to talk to community impact organizations who are interested in getting a second, and for funding groups who want those types of organizations to succeed. If you're a for-profit, how to be Second has a matchmaking, not recruiting service, where we make connections between first and seconds, where there's a relationship, energy, skill, and compensation match. Finally, if you're inspired by what we're doing here, you can support how to be second at How to be second.com/support. Thanks again. I'm looking forward to our next conversation.