How do you show up well? What are your blind spots?- One Second by How to be Second

Nathan and Mondo wrestle with the tension between showing up fully and simply showing up at all. Mondo reflects on needing a full tank to bring the energy, hope, and presence people expect from him, while Nathan explores the idea that sometimes showing up, even when you’re not at your best, is part of honoring commitments to others. 

They also discuss how blind spots in relationships can shape the way we work, lead, and connect. In the end, they discover that our greatest blind spots may be solved not by seeing everything ourselves, but by standing back-to-back with people wired differently who each bring their own piece to the puzzle.

If you want more like this, subscribe or find more on Howtobesecond.com

This is One Second, a conversation between two people with wildly different identities where we're exploring how we're different while embracing that we're better together. In our vernacular at How to be Second, I am a Second, and my co-host Armando Davison, is what we call a natural 1iC, or a Visionary. Enjoy. 

Transcript

Nathan 0:00

Hey, this is Nathan Young, founder and author of How to Be Second, and this is one second, a conversation between two people with wildly different identities, reacting raw to questions from people like you, and exploring how we are different while embracing that we're better together. In our vernacular at how to be second, I am a Second, and my co-host Armando Davison, is a natural OneIC.

RAW Zoom Part 1 0:25

all right, mano, so I'm gonna ask the first question this week, and my question is this. What does showing up well mean to you? Showing up well. If I had to, my immediate reaction to this is, hmm, what does somebody else think? Like how I feel? I could probably answer that, but I'm gonna start with somebody else. One of the things that I feel like I hear consistently from other humans is you just have to spend time with Mondo, and I don't necessarily know what that fully means, but. It might be a concert of like, good question, good energy, good. Just natural dialogue, good love in the air. I don't know, a culmination of a bunch of things. And so I would say that for me to show up, well I have to be very close to a hundred percent in my tank. Hmm. And so I feel like other people may be able to show up. With like 90% or 80%, or it might be a dull day. And if I'm kind of in that spirit, I opt out or I'm like, I know that's not gonna work for me'cause I just had 16 other things this week. I'm not gonna show up because the version of Mondo that shows up will not be well. Right? Hmm. Uh, because I think my essence carries a certain amount of value. So that's the first thing that comes to mind. Like I'll give it a, I'll give a relational example. So in a non work relationship right now, there's some of like family challenges and it's really heavy and I show up for that person. To the best of my ability to serve them while they're being a servant to their family. And it's so weighty for them that I gotta literally be there, like just unwavering hope and joy and optimism and faith and all that. If I don't show up at a hundred percent, they're gonna be like. Yo Mando like this, this isn't enough for me. You can't fill my cup if yours isn't filled. Hmm. One of the things that became true that I learned about myself was after showing up for,'cause, this person literally counted, I showed up for eight straight days, and then they were like, and then Mondo, you disappeared for four days. And it wasn't like. Me like prepping or planning, like I gotta get away. But I think naturally, my body or my life or whatever, I just kind of phased out and I just needed that time to refuel, to then show back up. And I just say that because. I knew I was reaching a tipping point where if I am at all agitated or like just not full of the spirit, I'm, I'm just not a good steward. So, uh, hopefully that like set up a answer. Decent to start, but like, showing up, well for me means showing up a hundred percent full of the spirit. Well, so let me press in on that'cause I love that answer and I'm already like feeling. Bits of me that are like, oh, I definitely know when I haven't done that. And on the flip side, I know that there are some things where, I show up knowing that I'm not there. I think this conversation would be a good indicator of that. Like one of the things that we were just talking about recently was this idea that I was kind of like I was on the down, right? I had been showing up a lot. And then was like, oh, this is a thing that gives me energy. Sometimes I'm like showing up well, is showing up to that thing when I'm unwell because it will make me well. There are pieces rising up in my body from your answer already.'cause I'm recognizing there's some nuance in that. And then, so let me press in in this way. Let's say you don't feel at a hundred percent and at the same time you are committed to something else It's easy to anchor to like a business thing, right? You're committed to your team member. And they need you to show up to a prospect meeting, something. Maybe you've already, maybe it's a client meeting. You've already even had that conversation and like, you need to show up because the thing needs to move forward. And so it's like I've committed to other people that I'm gonna take this action and so I have to show up because showing up at for this thing means showing up well for them. On behalf of them. Yeah. Or in my relationship with them, but I don't feel okay today. So like how do you navigate that? That feels so messy. Or even like picking up a kid from school and you're like showing up to do this thing in this just like a, a little favor, but it means showing up well on behalf of someone else, but I am not feeling it. So like how do you navigate those sort of like one step removed, like Yeah, no, I got you. My immediate response is kind of like making a soft agreement with myself, which part of you can show up a hundred percent. Hmm. And so I don't think that I run out of energy being an active listener. Like I can show up to an environment, actively listen, and then provide some value or some feedback or some inspiration. That extra part, right, like adding something to you after I listen is like another tier to like the value that I bring. But if I just come and sit and listen. I could tell that environment like, Hey, like today I'm just gonna be an observer. I'm just gonna listen and then I'm gonna reflect and meditate or pray on it, and then I'll circle back. Are you okay with that? And nobody's ever said no. I'm trying to think if there's another example. So there was a season in my life where if somebody was really hurting or down, or just emotionally broken. I used to have a really hard time showing up for those people because I'm empathetic, but I can't feel it. You know, there's like, some people are like feelers and they're like, I feel exactly what you're going through. And that isn't necessarily my jam. I empathetically understand how logically that could be a challenge but my heart doesn't hurt. And so in those moments, I had to learn how to just show up and be present. Like Mondo, it's not for you to solve. It is for you to just be there and your presence of being there shows that person that you're willing to prioritize your time to be in space with them, to be present with them as opposed to somewhere else. And so honestly for me then, as I really reflect now on this a little deeper, like showing up, well for me is showing up. And so even when I'm burnt out. I guess I still do always find a way to show up, and I just don't try to overdo it. I don't reflect on like, oh, last time I showed up, like I set this dope bar, and everybody was like, that is amazing, right? Like, I don't show up with this assignment or this ego, like, I gotta do that every time. It's like, just show up. Oh, I think you said something really important in there, and that is actually bringing some nuance to how I'm thinking about it too, and that's like I always show up. First of all you said how am I entering the space? How am I here today? How am I showing up today? Is actually a question we used to ask in therapy, in spiritual direction and coaching. That was one of our things that like regularly, I was hearing that people were asking at the beginning of a conversation, how am I showing up today? I feel like that was actually something Brene Brown was talking about that she did with her team for a long time. That they would ask that right at the beginning, just sort of like set the tone as a team in business meetings or whatever, it would be that question of like, well, how are you showing up today? And you're like, well, nobody's asking me. I'm just leading with knowing that I need to let them know. I'm ready to like, listen, I'm ready to participate. I'm ready to take this in, but I probably am in a space right now where I'm going to need to like take that in and then reflect and sit on it so that I can be thoughtful about giving my response. So just like being really open and honest about the sort of level setting, but also not. I don't know. I feel like you unpacked like a whole bunch of really good ways to approach this. And I'm a systems person, so I'm breaking it down into being like, this is what you're doing even if you're not doing it consciously. So the first thing you said was, if I'm completely gone, I have to bail. Mm-hmm. And that sometimes catches you off guard even. Even if it's like this, you're starting to recognize this is like a thing that happens. So that's the first thing is like. Once again, just being really honest about, Hey, I can't even show up and listen today, so I need to reschedule. The second thing is you are showing up and going, I'm being honest about who and how I am that day at that time, whatever with the other people, and asking for some space to be able to provide input. Yep. Then the third thing that you said that I think I actually really struggle with that third one personally, like this is a, a growth edge for me, and that is I don't have to show up a certain kind of way Like I didn't set a precedent, by showing up a certain way the last time, I'm allowed to show up the way that I showed up then, and then show up the way that I show up now, and those two things can be different. That's not bad or wrong, or means that I just don't have it. Like, I don't need to set a certain expectation of the way that I show up every time in this room because I did that one other time before, and I would say I'm wrestling with that in my mind right now.

RAW Zoom Part 2 10:19

So for you. What does showing up well mean to you? I think I started hinting at this in the way that I wanted you to unpack more of your own answer, right? And that is I'm thinking about showing up in a way that I'm doing something for someone else. So like, do I have to show up at that thing for myself? If I'm not feeling it, then uh, I probably can just like adjust and it doesn't mean much to me. A lot of the reason I'm showing up to anything is that I'm showing up because I feel like I need to do something to make something else happen. Hmm. So I'm like, well, I have to show up like, and I have to bring everything I've got because it's not, this is a thing in and of itself, but really I'm doing it in support of another. I like the work that I do and I work with people that I enjoy working with. And there's also a certain part of me that's like, you have to show up because you take care of your family, and so I'm not showing up for me. I've put some barriers around where I'm willing to show up and who I'm willing to work with for me, but I always show up because I'm actually taking care of my family when I show up. And so there's a certain amount of like, how do I show up well? And the answer is you show up well by showing up at all because you have to, because you're doing something on behalf of someone else. And so that's, that was my first. Just like gut instinct is to be like, well, it's not, it's not for me. The other thing I like, this is a bygone of seconds and that is being prepared. If I'm showing up and I don't feel like I barely even need the conversation anymore, then like, I'm not ready. Like, like. So, so the conversation is what, like just a formality for you? Kind of like, okay. Oh, I would say over half the time I'm like, there's this thing that I need from the other person in the conversation. And then other than that though, like I am, I, you know, like if they were cool without me showing up, they could just read the agenda and like, that's not totally fair, but there's no, I gotcha. There's, there's a level of that. One of the things that I do that I've been having a lot of fun with is because once again, I get to show up with a bunch of people that I really like is the how to be second mastermind groups, right? So I'm leading one of the mastermind groups and I don't feel comfortable showing up to be a facilitator in that group.'cause that's what I am, I'm the facilitator. I lead the group, but not as an educator, not as a teacher. I'm a facilitator and. At the same time, like if I don't show up with something, if I don't show up, like understanding what the agenda is, knowing I have the ability to keep things like sort of confidently on the rails that we all understand on some level what the agenda is. I feel like I need to show up ready to be the orchestrator or the conductor. And that means I have to know this sort of like concerto, like the back of my hand, right? Yeah. And if I don't, I don't feel like I've shown up well once again on behalf of other people. So I'm doing a lot of, I am inventing expectations on their part that I am then showing up for, which I am recognizing as I'm saying it out loud, is insane. Here's what I have a question to that, because you just said the words, I'm not putting this in your mouth. You're like, yeah, I'm manufacturing a standard for myself. That might be far beyond what anybody else expects, but that's your standard. Yeah. My kind of flip to that is, as a person who puts in that much intentional work and effort in advance, do you have any expectations on how others are supposed to show up well when they're with you? Oh, uh, yes. I think I'm getting better at navigating that other people's expectations are not my expectations, and I mean that in both directions. Like that, what I just said. Which is I'm manufacturing their expectations, and then I'm trying to live up to those. But really what I'm doing is I'm just, I have my expectations for myself and I'm pretending as if they share them. But we've never made that agreement or had that conversation. So literally I'm just inventing stuff in my own head. These are my expectations. Yeah. And by the same token, I've started to realize that if I have expectations of another person's behavior in a space, and I haven't had that actual conversation with them. I am once again just inventing stuff. I think this is something that's been really hard for me over the last probably six to eight months that I'm actually working really hard right now. It's very uncomfortable actually. We've talked about this before, like moving from like nice or harsh into this space of like direct and kind. This guy, Neil Strauss, made this comment on Simon Sinek's podcast one time, and he said, unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments. And I remember stopping, I was driving. I remember pausing, listening to it a couple more times and then like pulling over and having this sort of like cascade mentally, emotionally, like falling and being like. Oh, I see. And I for wrestling with that. Yeah. Thank you so much guys. I think that's like so real and those aha moments. I think I. I kind of segues to the next question, which is like overcoming these blind spots that we might not even have known that we had. And so I'm kind of gonna ask you to like piggyback on what you just said or offer more context or a different scenario where you were moving through the world in a certain kind of way. And this blind spot that just you just could not see in your peripheral all of a sudden just like smacks you in the face and opens your eyes. And one, how did that change you? Did it change some of the relationships around you? Did you have to go around and maybe like fix some things because you broke them unknowingly? And so I know that's like a broad question, but blind spots are a big deal. And it, it definitely helped me navigate humility in a unique way.'cause I was like, oh geez, uh, I was definitely stepping in that and didn't even know it. So, yeah. Let me just set it there and let you unfold it. For sure. Well, I mean, obviously I don't know what else. I don't know. And so I'll speak to the ones that I'll speak to, the blind spots that I'm navigating right now. I actually wanna anchor to two things in this. One is what I have just been talking about, so I'll unpack that a little more. This idea of, I was creating a lot of premeditated resentments and that was a blind spot for me. I didn't know I was doing it and I didn't know why I was doing it. Now I'm much more aware of both. So that was one, and I'm still working through that and I'll unpack that a little more. But the second one is this idea of rejection. And I think we may have already touched on this once before, but like I'm really stepping into this deeper and so I wanna unpack a little bit more of what I've gone on on that because it very much has been a blind spot and I'm still murky through it. So on unspoken expectations, I need to give a huge credit to someone we both know, which is Dan Nietz, He actually coined this term for me extraction. A couple of years ago as he and I were working through some coaching sessions together, like him being a coach to me and one of the things we recognized very early was that I'd had a tendency to hunt down coaches and mentors, like people who would pour into me, but then I would get to a point where I felt like I knew as much as them, and so then I would hunt for the next person. And regularly, like the blind spot that I was showcasing was a lot of just ego and this unspoken expectation that they would always show up with this next big aha and that they were supposed to constantly be guiding me on this thing that I didn't know yet, and none of the work was internal. That it was all external, and that they could have it and hand it to me, and then I could climb that ladder. And then what I learned through that coaching was actually 80% of the work is internal. Mm-hmm. And the 20% is that you are blind to it. So that was the first thing that Dan handed me was this idea of extraction and that I escaped a lot of this feeling of extraction where I felt like I was doing a lot for others. And then when I would start to get to this point where I was like, well, you haven't done enough for me. And I would quit, right? I would walk away from a relationship, a conversation or whatever. And he was like, okay, so you're feeling very extracted from. We unpack that over the course of quite a, quite some time, and we still do touch on it, and I started to recognize through that conversation, like, oh, wait a minute. I'm creating a lot of expectations on another person by navigating the world in this way. And so when I heard that line, it was like an unlock of this thing that I'd been having a conversation about and practicing for a couple of years trying to understand about myself, and I was like, oh, that's what I'm doing. The other people don't even know we're on a bridge. I'm coming to the bridge. I'm taking five steps across the bridge. I'm like, I'm going so hard. I'm doing so much. Can't you join me in the middle of this bridge? Like, look how far across the bridge that I've come. And the other person does not even know there is a bridge. Like they're fully unaware of this scenario. They have no idea that there's this commitment set that we have, that there's this, whatever. They've never been informed. I've never exposed any of this to them like that, and I didn't know it either. I didn't know I was doing that. This is just a blind spot. And so when I got this word, when I did this work with Dan, suddenly I was like, oh, I'm doing this all the time. Hmm. And I have made a real effort over the last eight months, which is why I keep using this phrase, direct and kind. I've made this real effort to go, I have to stop being nice, which is to keep building the bridge, walking across it, never mentioning it thinking the other person will eventually pick it up and going, no, no, no, no. I'm going to be direct and kind. I'm gonna let that person know, Hey, we just met at either end of a bridge. We both have to cross it and be willing to invest. I'm willing to do that extra'cause I'm an active service person. I'm gonna come across the bridge very far. I have lots of energy for that, but I'm gonna stop at this point. I'm gonna be very direct and kind. I want to be on this bridge with you. I want you to cross the bridge with me. I need to stop right here and let you know what my expectations of you are. If you want to come on this bridge with me, that's wonderful. If you don't, that's also fine. But I am only able to go this far. Doing that has been maybe one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life. I'm pushing against a deep wound, if you will. Yeah, yeah. Somewhere in me. And so that has been just this crazy blind spot and I'm continuing to attempt to move through it. And to one other thing you said, yes, I have had to transition some relationships in my life because of becoming direct and kind and making clear expectations. And then people being like, what? So, okay, let me ask this question.'cause what you just said was fire. It was spot on. But there's this dissonance that I'm having right now because you're such a, an effective communicator and you build these scaffolds and this way that you allow people to kind of like walk in easy. And what I just heard you say is relationally, like I created a checkpoint for me in this scaffold and I'm not gonna go past it. Which seems very Nathan like. But then you also said. It's hard for me to do that. And so kind of help me understand like, like what part is hard?'cause when you said it, I was like, that seems so Nathan. And so is it somebody saying, no, I don't want to meet those expectations. Is it somebody saying yes and then falling short? Like what is the thing that you're wrestling with that like, makes that intersection uneasy? Yeah. In Jungian philosophy, they call this your primal wound. And so I don't know if anybody knows who Carl Jung is, but hilariously Carl, JUNG is. And the reason I say that is because my name is Nathan Young. My dad's name was Carl Young, Y-O-U-N-G, and I grew up spelling my last name'cause that's how I heard my dad do it. He would say his last name. Oh, my name is Carl Young. And then he would spell it Y-O-U-N-G. I had no idea why. And so I've gotten used to this idea of like spelling my name on the phone when I say it to people. I was always like, you know, young, like old young, why would you spell it? But it's just this habit that I developed. And then only in the last two or three years was I like, oh, because there's this wildly popular philosopher whose last name is JUNG. Such a good story. 30 years of blissful ignorance. Um, okay. So there's this thing called a primal wound by Carl Jung not my dad. One of them is supposed to be effectively like too little and the other one is not enough, and mine is the too little. I am always too little. I have done too little. I have whatever it is, too little. The assumption is somewhere in my body that if we're on the bridge and you haven't taken a step, it's because I have not done enough yet. And that is my default setting is to go if our relationship isn't what it's supposed to be, quote unquote, supposed to be. It's my fault. I need to do more. If I'm not happy, it means that I haven't worked hard enough at it. If my relationship isn't such, I need to go further across the bridge. Anything I don't have, I assume is mine to like do more. I need to do more. Yeah. I always need to do more. I always need to chase. So like why is it so hard to set up that checkpoint? And it's because it goes against something deep in me that goes, if you don't have that thing, it's your fault. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. That's, yeah. That's good. Hey, whoever's listening to this right now, man, this is a reflective moment. Like if that's you, man, implement and deploy that strategy, because I believe if we consistently try to chase the, I don't know, whatever the expectation is of the person across from us is like, it's a moving target, right? And so you're like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go 80 yards and when I, I'm not gonna go 81 until you meet me at this point. I think that's really good. Thanks for saying that. Yeah. One of the things that I've changed is when people join the How to Be Second community, I only have so much space and time. Of course, right? How to Be Second community is a community. It is a bunch of people. There's hundreds of seconds now that I am aware of. Largely, I am still the face. And so people walk in and every new second wants to talk to me. Everyone who finds Simon Sinek's work wants to talk to Simon Sinek, which of course is impossible, but I'm sure that he feels wonderful every single time. Right? I assume I'm inventing that expectation of him. But so people will come into my inbox and they'll be like, oh, I just found this thing and I wanna be part of the community. Do you have 30 minutes? And so I say back to them, this is my like checkpoint. I say, I'm so excited for you to be here.'cause I am. That's true. I would love to help you be part of the community. And I do. I desperately want that. These are the things that we want for seconds.'cause I try to lead with what you get. And then I say, what are you ready for? Because before I throw a ton of resources at you, I need to understand what you are ready for. And then I ask this question, are you ready to go alone or invest in yourself and go together? And then I just leave it right there. And 80% of the time they come back with a go alone response. And I have now saved myself so much heartbreak. cause that's what it is. It's not the time that I have the problem with. It's not the effort. It's not like it's a money thing. Like I don't care about all those things. It's the going across the bridge thinking I'm not enough. Hmm. And so what that person was ready to go alone. I was so ready to go together. I'm so excited to have them as part of the community, to have them in my life, to have them in the lives of the how to be second community, and they are not ready. And so I put this checkpoint in very hard for me, and then they went, I actually wanna be alone. And I'm like, oh man, I'm really glad. Like, yeah. And so, yeah. That's good, man. I mean, you know, we always use like relational analogies, but that's, that's like being a single person, non-married, being a single person, meeting a new person, texting, and then. There's like, but are you this? And they're like, no, I'm not that. And it's like, oh, okay. Well, like there's no reason for us to go out to dinner'cause you're not that. And so it's not unfamiliar, but like asking that definitive question. But next week or next year or whatever, inevitably if they keep growing in that direction, they're gonna be like, I'm ready to go together now. And so that's good. That's healthy. Yeah, it, but it is been, and like I said, it anchors to this idea of like, heartbreak. Like how many times have I given that 30 minutes or that hour to have that conversation? Had someone effectively extract something from me, I mean, they weren't trying to, I said, yes. Yeah, right. They showed up at the bridge and they were like, well, you give me this, this, and this. It was my decision to cross the bridge in the way that like, yeah. And so there was just so many unspoken expectations, and effectively I was recognizing, oh, I've created a lot of premeditated resentments. I feel so extracted from why I said Yes. I had this unspoken expectation that there would be something else, and so. Yeah. Yeah. I, I wanted to throw out the idea of like, uh, rejection, but I think I'm actually gonna save that for another time and,'cause I want to turn this more to you and go, okay. I talked a lot about blind spots, about this particular blind spot, and so now I want to turn it back to you and be like, blind spots. What is one that you have overcome and how did you do it? Yeah. I mean, first let me like. Make a connection on when it comes to therapy, I acted the same way. I was like, inevitably I'm gonna feel like I know this stuff and I'm then gonna wanna opt out. And so why are we doing this anyways? Right. And so my ego was definitely front and center with that. Second connection before I talk about my blind spot is, and it kind of goes back to the first question of how I have to be at a hundred percent when I show up. And it kind of goes to like Jesus saying like, yo, you're gonna be a spring of water, right? Like, as long as I'm in you, like it will keep flowing. And so you used the word extraction and like. I have made an agreement with myself that. I'm okay with extraction because it's not mine, right? Like, oh, you're extracting this spirit that isn't even mine. So like I'm supposed to give this to you, so extract away. But if for some reason I've been over extracted and I need to go refill, I go refill. So I can show up to be extracted so I can extract more, more love, or somebody can extract more love from me. So like, I just wanted to make those kind of two connections.'cause what you just said was really powerful to me. A new blind spot story though. And this is gonna, it might turn it on its head a little bit because I was just having a conversation before this conversation. Somebody was like, Mondo, you have an amazing story. What do you want to be next? And I was like, great question. And essentially what I told this person was when I was in tech, the story that I manufactured in my head, the success story that I was going after was the best story I could have created for myself. When I surrendered that, that was me surrendering God. I don't wanna have a better story and I would like one. And so when they asked me like. What is next? I had to choose to make an agreement with God essentially saying, I, I use this. Now we use pop culture references, or I do. Yeah. Remember when God hit me with Back to the Future, right? Like I was watching Back to the Future and then he was like, you see that title? And I was like, yeah. And it was like, yeah, Mondo turn your back to the future. Like your role in the story is to always have your back to the future. And look up or look down or look right in front of you, like I'm right there. Always be present, but somebody else projecting some prophetic thing or some future vision like that is their plan or goal or reason to be in the story. But Mondo you back to the future. And so I believe. Now I like live in a perpetual blind spot. Like I'm walking through life backwards and I don't know what's coming. And I'm like, uh, God, I just believe that you are holding my shoulders and nudging me and I don't run into an intersection. Right? And it's just that faith. And so, I have gotten real comfortable in a perpetual blind spot. Yes. And it was the thing that was able to force me to become way more humble. Hmm. And so, kind of to that point of like, yo, the therapist is gonna say some things and we're gonna be able to kind of predict where they're going, and then we're just gonna like kind of jump to that spot. Well now if I can't even look in that direction, if I don't even know which way we're going, I can't do that. And so this blind spot kind of lifestyle is like, all right, God, I'm reaching for, what are you calling me to do? To say, to hear, to smell, to feel right now. And there is no other assignment except for me to be as fully present as I can be because my back is to the future because I'm living in this perpetual blind spot. And that might give like a really good answer or reasoning to like. What does it mean for me to show up? And it's to just be present. Because when I show up and I'm present, I'm not thinking about the next meeting or the next call or what's happening in a few hours. I am so there for whoever's in front of me and like, that's my call to action, that's my assignment. And so I know that doesn't answer the question in the same way, but I feel like my role in the story is kind of living in the dark. I almost use like a daredevil analogy, but like, Christ and Daredevil don't mix. So I didn't wanna use that. Wow. They could, uh, we can yes. End the shit outta this. I mean, a blind spot is perpetually seen as negative. Right? And so we want to overcome blind spots. The humor to what you are saying is overcoming blind spots is a human, and invariably a very secondee desire because what you're trying to do is know everything, and it's like, wait. So what you're saying is you want to not have to trust anyone else. Oh, no, no, no. Lemme pause there for a second. Pause there for a second because as you're saying this right now. Right. I'm thinking about the one second duo and I'm thinking about a movie where like, you know, the two people go back to back. Yeah. And I'm just like, yo, like Nathan has projected a hundred mile radius of all the things that's gonna happen. Right. Thank you. Right. I'm trusting that you surveyed the scene and you have a plan. And I'm like, Hey, but here's the what's happening right in front of us right now. And so yes. And right. Both work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how I overcome my blind spots by putting Mondo in the room. That's how I overcome. How does a second overcome their blind spot with their risk aversion and their planning? They put it first in the room. That's what you do. You get back to back. You get side to side, you get other people around you. How did I overcome my blind spot? I literally said it right at the beginning. I was like, Dan Nietz right? Your answer to be like, you know how I've overcome this. I actually put blinders on and I trust that mine to do is what's mine to do and God must have it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's so, it's actually giving me goosebumps right now because it's such a joyful, fulfilling story for me to be like, I've been walking through life with my eyes closed. God has sent me amazing humans that I'm supposed to lean on or rely on, and he's given each of them a perfect piece of the puzzle. And Mondo those people who are way more intelligent or gifted in their own industry or vertical, they trust you'cause you walk through life with your eyes closed and they're like, I will never do that, but your gift. Mondo is so unique that like, I want to be a part of that team.'cause like, that's something that I don't want to experience, but I'll experience it through you and I'll partner with you to make sure that you don't die. Right? Or like, try at least. I just think it's such a, I'm a, I'm gonna go a little bit deeper on this. One of the things that I have really been like leaning into recently, because there's just so much stuff happening with AI and this, agreement that we can be a single founder that builds a unicorn startup, right? Like, I've been seeing that like, oh, because tech can do so much, like one person is gonna be able to do this thing. And it's like, is that the objective though, like is the most, is the best story for one individual to have built the dopest tech, that now they are the solo person who is surrounded by technology and no other relationships, and they're just relying on the logic like. Not to knock that person who's doing that, but that story isn't the most fulfilling story to me. Being able to be like, yo man, I get to get up every day and like. Work with Nathan to solve this problem, or I get to lean on Tyree or I get to connect with Bird or talk to Laura or whatever, like, and collectively like we're doing this thing and at the end of the day we get to the finish line together, like arm in arm linked by the body of Christ. Like that story is just so much doper to me than a single founder. Doing a thing'cause they can hack tech together. So, no knock, but like I just, I like my story better. Yeah, man. Me too. So me too. So if you're like, if you're listening, right, like, if. I think the thing that's coming outta this conversation with me and Nathan is kind of why we've done this podcast. It's your identity and your expectations of yourself and how you show up is such a contrast to how I show up to my piece of the puzzle. But if you own your position, if you anchor in who you are. You're not all the pieces to the puzzle. I'm telling you, you're not right. Once you recognize that, like just own your piece and master your piece, and the Mondos, the Nathans, the whoever, like they're gonna come and they're gonna attach, like God will make sure that the dopest pieces in the puzzle will attach to create this like amazing, beautiful symphony, or Mona Lisa or whatever, and we're gonna be like, oh man, that was quite awesome and so be you. I am gonna honor that and set it down right here.

Nathan 39:11

Hey, it's Nathan again. If you made it to the end, that's awesome. I have a couple ways you can go deeper if you're interested. If you resonated with the way that Nathan talked about himself, I am Nathan you might be what we call a Second. This is an identity, not a role. We have a couple ways to dig into that curiosity. You can take our am I a second assessment on our website at how to be second.com/assessment. It is directional, not definitive. You can grab the book, how to Be Second from our website or Amazon or almost anywhere you like to buy books, including on audio read by the authors, myself and David Hartman. If you resonated with Mondo, I have a couple things for you as well. Second seat.org focuses on sponsoring seconds to be able to sit in the second seat at Youth-Focused Impact organizations to help them scale. Second Seat is always looking to talk to community impact organizations who are interested in getting a second, and for funding groups who want those types of organizations to succeed. If you're a for-profit, how to be Second has a matchmaking, not recruiting service, where we make connections between first and seconds, where there's a relationship, energy, skill, and compensation match. Finally, if you're inspired by what we're doing here, you can support how to be second at How to be second.com/support. Thanks again. I'm looking forward to our next conversation.