Who are your teachers? How do you know your ready to go together?- One Second by How to be Second

Nathan and Mondo unpack the people who quietly shaped them, from family to mentors who modeled calm in chaos and challenged how they think. Along the way, they explore what makes a real teacher (someone who changes your behavior), why patience can be a winning strategy in a world obsessed with speed, and how “going together” often comes too late. They wrestle with when to grow alone versus when to build with others, the tension between independence and support, and the discipline of being “on time” instead of rushing ahead. Ultimately, they land on a deeper anchor: learning to live for an “audience of one,” where trust, presence, and purpose mean you’re never truly alone.

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This is One Second, a conversation between two people with wildly different identities where we're exploring how we're different while embracing that we're better together. In our vernacular at How to be Second, I am a Second, and my co-host Armando Davison, is what we call a natural 1iC, or a Visionary. Enjoy. 

Transcript

Nathan 0:00

Hey, this is Nathan Young, founder and author of How to Be Second, and this is one second, a conversation between two people with wildly different identities, reacting raw to questions from people like you, and exploring how we are different while embracing that we're better together. In our vernacular at how to be second, I am a Second, and my co-host Armando Davison, is a natural OneIC. Hi, Armando. I'm first up this week and my question is who have been some of your teachers? Let me frame this a smidge. I've been talking incessantly lately about mentors, coaches, teachers, especially ones that we. Don't necessarily give credit to. I've had a lot of people in conversations recently say things like, I'm self-taught and I keep being like, no, you're not. You're not self-taught. You're just shit at giving credit. And you know, they're like, oh, I learned it on YouTube. And I'm like, great. Who from? 'cause you know how content gets on YouTube, right? A person makes it and then they put it there.

Mondo 1:03

Yeah.

Nathan 1:04

So like you learn from somebody. You're bad at citing them is not that you didn't do it. So my question to you is, have been some of your teachers.

Mondo 1:15

So the first immediate, like for sure response, and this is such a privilege, is my dad and my uncles are amazing. Let me just start here as an anchor because I feel like it sets the tone for the rest of whatever answer I explore. So my dad has. Three brothers and one sister, but like the uncles are like really tight. If you think about, I don't just a family, like everybody is in their own lane, but there's just so much love and compassion for each other and they all show up for each other's kids. And so between like my dad and my uncles, I just got a lot of. Man time or like good man time. And most of it was you can do it. I put in the hard work, I'll be there with you while you're putting in the hard work when I'm not there, put in more hard work because the reason that I didn't hit the next level was because I didn't put in enough hours of hard work. So I support you, I cheer you on, I'm here and be better than me. So like that's where I'll just start fundamentally, like my dad and my uncles are dope. The second person that hits my mind is actually when I was in education. So you're like, yo, who have been some of your teachers? So I stumbled into working in education like 2010, and this assistant principal, his name is Mr. Walker, he's still like one of the coolest humans to me. Our leader, our principal was like militant, no nonsense, hard nosed. Do not cross her very like Pat Riley, like, or you know, like she just don't cross her at all. He was the perfect psychological, relational compliment and. With teachers and students and parents and all these different expectations and counselors and social workers and all this stuff. The one thing he taught me early on, he said, Mando, in this building, nothing is ever an emergency, and it's something that I never forgot. 'cause I applied it to different areas of my life because like. Aside from like hellacious acts when there's school shootings, like there really isn't. An emergency in school. Some kids blurting out or there's a little fight or a little spat or no homework or whatever, but like there's no emergencies. People get pissed off and angry 'cause they think that their issue is the biggest issue, but like it's not an emergency. And so I've applied that in business. I applied that as a parent. I applied that just in casual relationships, like when people are super stressed, high strung internally, I'm like. Nothing is really in an emergency. And so like I just show up with that type of patient. So I would say like, those are the the things that really hit me immediately. Like Mr. Walker and my dad and my uncles were true anchors for me.

Nathan 4:19

That's like one of my favorite things about any kind of learning, any kind of takeaway because we're, you know, this, if you turn on something. Right. Flip on a stream and like we even call them streams. So it's just literally a, a main line of people saying stuff your brain just constantly. Right? And so much of that is. Be this way, do this thing, optimize your, whatever the fuck. I don't know. You could get any piece of advice at any time from anywhere it feels like. And what I have been asking people for the last couple years is what was the last thing that you consumed that you actually made a behavioral change? Right, because it's like something between three to five hours a day staring at screens independently of work. And that's absurd. If I spend more than 90 minutes in a day, like screen time on my phone, I can feel that my brain is getting disconnected. I feel frantic, right? I feel like I don't actually have myself in check. So the idea of spending four hours. Is, oh my God. but that question of like, okay, so you spend four hours a day just mainlining shit into your brain. when was the last time you actually made a behavioral change because of something that you took in? most of the time. I get this like, sort of blank horrified stare. And so that you led with two examples where you're like, is an example of, of a group of people where they set the fundamental way that I moved in the world. That I knew that I had backup, that I knew that I had somebody with me and also that they. Expected me to put in the work, and so then I did. But I also knew that I had somebody a avail there. Right? So like, okay, cool. That fundamentally changed your behavior. the other thing that you just said is another person who with you was a certain kind of person, but then. Said and behaved, and I think this is crucial that that link of like they didn't just tell you nothing is emergency. They lived it as the kind of person they were.

Mondo 6:40

Yeah.

Nathan 6:41

then you went, ah, and you also changed something in your life because of who they were and what they taught you by saying it. Sure. But by living it,

Mondo 6:54

Yeah,

Nathan 6:54

like. And so I just wanted to connect those ideas of like. You genuinely, actually, this is a teacher. They changed your life and actual behaviors.

Mondo 7:05

facts. And I would even like double down on what you just said and say, however, I have been guided in my journey, just my character, how I show up. I take the things that I own to the extreme, right? Like I wanna be the best at it, like, or whatever my lane is, like master of one at that thing. And so nothing is an emergency could be equivalent to. Being at peace. And so I've extended and I've stretched like that muscle or that rubber band to be like, how many environments can I step into that may be littered with conflict or surrounded by anxiety and still tell myself nothing is in an emergency. There are so many times in my life now, and I know we might've talked about this in a different pod, where there's a hard deadline for me or someone around me or life circumstances or whatever, and I'm like, well, can I peacefully get to. 10 hours after the deadline, or two days after the deadline, or a week after the deadline. And if I stay in that peaceful presence longer than anybody else because they were too afraid to continue to be still, will a different solution reveal itself? And I've discovered more often than not, it does. And. Owning that role, right. For me being like, oh, okay. I just have, uh, I have a longer bandwidth to experience environments that create anxious thoughts or anxious behaviors, but like I can stand in it so long that like when everybody else has cleared the room, I'm like, oh. There's the light, right? Like, and like there's nothing like that I did aside from just, I just stayed in it longer, long enough that I could, that God was like, oh, you're the one left. Okay, here you go. And I'll give you the thing. And then the lesson through that before I throw the question back to you, the lesson through that for me, which is so amazing, is. I then also say it wasn't me. Like when people say like, yo, give God the glory. Like my strategy is just stand there long enough, be patient long enough to where God says, oh, you trust me enough here. Now let me hand you the next step. And then you're like, I got the next step. How did you discover the next step? It was, God, don't worry. I, I did nothing. I, it is, it is not from my strength. Right. Uh, so all that to say, man, like I love learning from others, especially masters at other things, but I think your language, as you say often is like, what's yours to do? And so like, what? What's mines to do is to go into a treacherous environment or circumstance or situation and just stand there the longest. With the most peace to pull out or extract an answer that nobody else was able to extract simply because they couldn't sit there peacefully long enough. There's nothing else for me to really learn, like that's my thing.

Nathan 10:31

yeah, I love how this is a genuine strategy, like the literal definition of strategy, which so many people use the word strategy basically just to mean bigger thinking. They, you know, some vague notion of bigger thinking. Right? So Michael Porter is someone who wrote a book on strategy and then recently Roger L. Martin is someone that I've taken up listening to who like, kind of was around during the time when Michael Porter wrote his stuff and Roger was like, I think, I think we need a very clear definition. So like you guys are talking about strategy and you have something very popular regarding this idea of strategy, but I think we need a definition that cuts through everything. And so his definition of strategy is deciding on what field you will play and on that field, how will you win? And strategy is a theory you cannot know. You just have to be like, this is my theory. I. Theorize everyone else is obsessed with speed. Everyone else is going, how am I gonna win? I'm gonna win with speed. I'm gonna go as fast as possible. And we're just gonna see who's the fastest. And you're like, my theory, since you all have chosen speed, patience.

Mondo 11:54

Yes.

Nathan 11:54

That's my, that's my strategy now. Will I win? I don't know. It is a theory, but I can tell you that so far my luck surface area is staggering.

Mondo 12:06

Yo, that's so, it's so real, especially because like you, like really like bullseye with the speed. Like before we got on this pod, we were like talking about AI tools and all this stuff and like everything is about speed and moving fast and quantifying and qualifying all the stuff like faster than the next person. And it's like if everyone is playing in that field. And no one is sitting on the rock. Well, like somebody go sit on the rock, right? Like there, there is always going to be some value on the other end of the spectrum if every single person is playing over here. And yeah, so like I own that strategy. And then I have so many relationships around me, and this is where I'll throw the question back to you. I have so many just amazing loving humans around me that actually care for me. That like if I'm sitting on the rock and nothing actually happens while I'm sitting there, the people around me that love me are like. We just created something or we just did something dope, but like we're missing a person that's supposed to like participate on the squad and they're like, oh yeah, isn't Mondo out there sitting on the rock? They're like, oh yeah. Like he's just out there waiting and so, you know, like sitting on the rock, I may or may not win. But eventually I'm going to play in a game with other winners, rather I got the thing and I say, come this way. Or they're like, you've been out there a long time. We got the thing. Like, come with us. Whichever works cool. Like, like we get to do it together. And I think we're gonna dig into that a little bit later. But before we go there, yo, you are a. Wealth of experience and knowledge and information and secondness and all the stuff. So like who have been some of your teachers? 'cause I am curious if it is in alignment with some of the things that I said or if it's contrary to many of the things. Uh, so what you got?

Nathan 14:12

Yeah, I often find myself, becoming really proficient at something by way of getting annoyed at other people for what they're not doing, and so. I'll do it my damn self. I don't just get annoyed. I take action on being annoyed. I feel like I have gotten pretty good actually at citing my sources, so to speak. Like I've already mentioned, Roger Martin right now is someone that I'm like, this guy has the definition of strategy. I'm following this person around. I've listened to podcasts, I've read their books. I've studied Roger Martin and his understanding and definition of strategy and like I have worked to apply this to, actually like make it part of my behaviors. I feel like I've done a lot of work. To go back to citing my sources because, I think when I was younger I did, I did this really poorly where I didn't do it. I tried to, I kind of wanted everything to be original. I kind of wanted everything to be my own idea, like I was repackaging stuff. To be like, well, yeah, your version is like this version, but I, but I have my own, like I could see systems, right? So I'm gonna make a little adjustment. This could be a little better, this could be a little better. And then I would be like, this is Nathan's thing, as opposed to, again, citing my sources. And I a teacher, when I was just like doing college courses, actually called me out in an essay where you know, I submitted a piece of writing, I don't even remember what it was about. I submitted a piece of writing for a prompt that they did and they got back to me and they were like, this is an excellent piece of writing. You clearly had sources and never plagiarized, and also you. Have taken all of your own spin, like you haven't mentioned where you got any of these ideas. It's fascinating to compare this with tools right now. Right? 'Cause that does exactly the same shit. And so my teacher was like, where did these come from? Because it would actually lend you credibility. If I knew you had a unique take on something someone else had pushed forward and I was like, oh, you mean I can, you mean like I can borrow credibility? They were like, no, no, you're not borrowing credibility. You're building on another person's actual body of work. It's not borrowing, it's just like continuing a thing.

Mondo 16:39

Yeah.

Nathan 16:39

don't, you don't need to think about it that way. And I was like, right, I'm gonna keep thinking about it that way. But you've changed the way that I will approach

Mondo 16:47

Yeah.

Nathan 16:47

how I do things. And so like what teachers do I have? I mean, clearly I have my parents, who I would say mostly taught me. Through poor examples

Mondo 16:57

Mm mm.

Nathan 16:59

that sounds harsh. It is, I guess so I was allegedly leave it there. I have, I think one of my brothers in particular who I'm still friends with. I kind of change who I'm best friends with in my family 'cause I'm one of seven kids. So like every decade you sort of shuffle around who's like great friends at the time. But one of my brothers who I've been friends with, as far as I know the whole time, he really taught me this idea that you just said of like, very, very few things are actually, quote unquote, on fire. Our, our

Mondo 17:29

Hmm.

Nathan 17:30

are critical, are like. Emergencies. And then I had one brother, Matt, who taught me to genuinely investigate things. Like I would just say stuff, I'm very confident in my saying of stuff, you know that. And know that I've done the research, but I'm not. Presenting any of that, and I'm not citing my sources right when I was younger. so then he would just call me out consistently, super consistently. I would be like, oh, and don't, you know this thing is true, or I would just hypothesize something but state it as fact. Don't you know? You know, like, oh, well, it's because of this. And he would go, how do you know that? Help me understand, you know, like, how do you know that? And I would say he was generally not an asshole about it, but sometimes, and I probably needed him to be an asshole about it. That me move differently in the world. Like as effectively a child to today, I still carry those lessons of like, if Matt were here, what would you know? Like, he be okay? With this level

Mondo 18:34

Yeah.

Nathan 18:35

of like,

Mondo 18:35

Yeah.

Nathan 18:36

and so, and then obviously business stuff. I've used the EOS system. I've used scaling up. I've used, like operating models. I've worked with professionals. I just had a LinkedIn post the other day where I credited like 20 people. Like, I have books on my shelf. I'm like, oh, I learned from all of these people. Here's Michael Gerber and David Epstein, and here's Gina Wickman, and here's these guys, Nate Bennett and Miles Stevens. And you know, like these people have all been my teachers and I've changed so much about my life. And I actually even do a series of LinkedIn posts now, a series called like, what am I Reading? And I literally do the video in the structure of what, what am I reading? What were my initial thoughts? What am I looking forward to? And that's the first post. And then the second post is what did I actually take away? What are my thoughts? But then also, what did I change in my life because of this? And so, anyway,

Mondo 19:32

anyway,

Nathan 19:33

I download the data stream just like anybody else into my brain. I try to limit that, but the most

Mondo 19:39

the most critical.

Nathan 19:40

I've taken is like, what behavior did you actually change? And so now when you're like, who are your teachers? I'm like, wow, I've listed 20 so far. Let me just keep going. Right? Like,

Mondo 19:51

Okay. I have a question then. This is, lemme ask a question. This is kind of a curve ballish question.

Nathan 19:56

yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Mondo 19:57

We just talked about who have been some of your teachers and you identified what a meaningful teacher does is it influences you to change something. My question is, one, do you now consider yourself a teacher? If so, what is the number one thing you are calling your student to change?

Nathan 20:18

I do. You asked me the question, I got really uncomfortable and I'm gonna step into the question and say I do because I'm doing the thing and I might as well just own it. Yes. I would consider myself a teacher. I think I am desperately trying to be a teacher and I am calling seconds calling anyone in the first in command seat, but also especially seconds. The thing that I'm calling them to change is to understand how much better it is to go together in every form of that. So like we're talking about coaches right now, we're talking about teachers and coaches and educators and people who have been in your life where you've been like, oh, and now my life is different because that person taught me something. I am calling seconds to be like, Hey, I understand how much of your identity is wrapped up in being the support structure, and I am calling you to understand that you need a support structure.

Mondo 21:18

Man,

Nathan 21:18

gotta go together like.

Mondo 21:20

so let's, like, that's kind of like a ducktail segue into the second question. So like, let's keep rolling with that. So like, when you are alone doing things alone, what is the pool to go together? Is it a mental, is it a visceral, is it a heart tug? Like, like what is that and, and when do you know that you're actually ready to go along with other people? And I don't know if I'm asking that as Nathan Young or as seconds in general. I don't know if it's the same answer, but like how would you respond to that?

Nathan 21:56

I think so for me, I know it's time to go together. About three months too late. I am sorry. Just, just baseline. Um, like, oh, I am fully drowning. I, this was so obvious to everyone else. And so now that I am almost dead, I, it has caught up to me that I should go together. Oh, I should go. There's been an answer the whole time. So I would say, what's the. What's the pull and how you feel to go together? And for me, the pull comes down to a sense of sort of desperation. And I think that that is very common for seconds that once again, like we sort of are the support structure. And so typically my natural sense is to go together. I'm ready to go together when I am fully past being broken already. And usually my first awareness of it, it being time to go together is that I'm still holding on to the belief that I'm just fine on my own, but I might need a little help to, to finish up some pieces of the plan that I already had. Always wrong, like bar none. 0% success rate on that belief. I don't know what it is. And so what I have learned, for myself and for other seconds is, I have to be very proactive because I don't feel, I generally don't feel the pull of going together. I don't feel like I'm ready to go together ever. Have you, have you ever heard the phrase like, clean your house before you call the cleaners?

Mondo 23:33

Never.

Nathan 23:34

Okay, but very common, like idea,

Mondo 23:37

Okay.

Nathan 23:38

I need to, I need to clean it up. I need to get a little healthier before I go see the doctor. yo, bro,

Mondo 23:43

Yeah. Yeah.

Nathan 23:44

wait, like, I feel that constantly like, oh, I need to get the house in order before I call the cleaners. It's shame, right? this sense of like having your stuff together before you get help, which is, that's not how that anyway.

Mondo 23:59

Yeah.

Nathan 24:00

Uh, and it seems like most seconds, how do we know when we're ready? We're so far past being desperate. That's when we become ready. I, I am trying to lean into this personally in my own life, and I obviously hope that other people see this is that I actually don't do anything alone anymore. I've now flipped the script, which is when I'm alone, what's the pull do I feel to go together? And the answer is, when I am alone, I try to notice immediately when I am alone for any reason other than recovery. Because at the end of the day, I am desperately an introvert, right? So I need alone time to have energy. I don't want to be alone except just to recover some energy so that then I can go together. But like by and large, I have gone. If I am alone, I should go together. And so like we're doing this podcast together. I do the Ask Nathan show. It's literally called the Ask Nathan Show. And I have a person also on there with me, which is Samantha.

Mondo 24:58

Yeah.

Nathan 24:59

I have heads up for every segment of how to be second. I literally do nothing alone in all of this, right? I have a wife to help care for my children and our household and our lives. Like I literally don't walk through life anymore alone. And so now when I'm. What's the feel to what's the pull to go together? The answer is, alone is now my pull to go together. I'm like, oh, you know how I could do this better? I could go together.

Mondo 25:25

Yeah.

Nathan 25:25

I'm answering for myself and I'm also answering for seconds. So now let me turn the question back on you. 'cause like I've answered, like I said, both personally and sort of identity wise and how I'm trying to step into that in a different way. What about yourself? When you're alone, what's the pull you feel to go together? How do you, how do you know when you are ready?

Mondo 25:45

I would concur that I missed the mark on when I'm ready. I'm either way too soon or way too late. And I give an example of like what's hitting me right now. I have some younger brothers like early twenties, and they grew up on one piece. I never watched one piece. It just wasn't an anime that really hit me. There's way too many episodes and seasons at this point for me to try to catch up. And so they amped it up like it was super dope. Netflix just released live action series and I was like, oh, there's eight, 10 episodes per season. I could do that, right? They're like, it's not the same. And I was like, it's cool. I just need the general thread. But like Louie always wants to go together with his friends. Right. It's just like part of his core. Like, cool, I'm going to discover the one piece, and along the way, like however many great relationships I can build and support along the way, like let's go. And so naturally I have that same desire to want to do it with others. However, I've discovered that. My one piece, whatever it is, depending on whatever season it is, often is so farfetched or incomplete or whatever, that it's not actually time for me to bring anybody along 'cause it'll just be a disaster. There's some things that I need to discover first independently. And so I found myself like starting to do things with. Someone else way too soon, and it's not necessarily the external product or thing that I'm building or pursuing that needs development. I've learned in retrospect that it's me. There are still some more like qualities that I had to develop, some things that I needed to learn about myself before I could actually become an effective leader to lead anybody anywhere. And so, I have just learned so much about like myself and like, all right, when I'm alone, like, why am I alone? All right, man. There's something that you need to discover or reflect. You made some. Horrible choices or some choices that you actually thought were good, that didn't happen to be good. And so like, like let's sharpen the fundamental agreements on why you made decisions that way. And then it's like, oh, okay, now I have a new strategy. Okay, cool. Like let me call Nathan and like, let's, or whoever, right? Like, let's, are you willing to go take a few steps with me now that I have this new strategy or awareness of myself? And you may say, yeah, you may say no, but like. I have something else to present to the team on how we're gonna move forward. If I don't have a new strategy or a new piece, I'm not ready yet. Like there's no reason to do the same thing with the same systems, with the same ideas, with the same expectations. And so I'd like need something that is like fundamentally, uh, let me even go a little deeper, like. Like, at its essence, it has to smell different, like not just a new idea. Like, like, yo, like that smelled like roses. Cool. But like this, like smells like a daisy. Like it is a di, it's still a flower, but it is a different smell. And so I just keep exploring until I have this different essence and I'm like, oh, okay. Like let's move through the world now. So all that to say, I've been sitting on the rock for a long time and I keep saying like, yo, I'm ready to go. I want to do a thing. And like every time I like want to start or go, it's as if. The essence isn't fully baked yet, and like God's like, ah, hold on, hold on. You don't quite have it there yet. And I'm like, dude, respectfully, like, I would love to go. And he's just like, here you go. I. This has been your error Historically. You'd be trying to go too fast. I need you to learn to be on time with me, and I was gonna like pause right there. But let me tell a real practical story that hit me the other day. People get on my nerves when they go on walks with me. Because if there is a sign that says yield, or we get to a stoplight and it's like the hand blinker says stop or whatever, like I don't walk like I follow the directions of the world around me, like whether I'm driving or I'm walk, like I don't break the rules. But the reason I don't break the rules is because I'm like, all this is God's spirit, interconnected. Just be on time. If it's a red light, don't turn on red. You're getting ahead of schedule. A week and a half ago, I took a wrong turn on the street and there was a long line for blocks and I'm like, yo, I need to be somewhere. This is gonna put me behind schedule. Let's just say seven minutes. A car went around and just like weaved through and like went around the cars and I was like, let me do that. So like I did and I followed and I went and weaved around the cars and got to where I needed to go. Within an hour I got pulled over by a cop and it was like me and the cop got to a stoplight. Around the same time, and they noticed that there was no license plate on the front. And then on the back of the car, I didn't have, the tabs weren't updated, the sticker was on tabs, updated, but the sticker wasn't on. And I was like, if I would've been on time, if I'd have seven minutes later. This would not have happened. I would not have ran into this situation. And a cop ended up just saying like, it's just a warning. And I was like, thank you, God. I will just sit in the line and be seven minutes late or whatever. And so all that to say random stuff be happening like that. And I'm just like, all right. Like I'm way on on a tangent right now, but like for me. Being alone. Very rarely do I hit the right mark on when to go together, but like right now, I'm trying to be intentional to be like, God, I'm just going to be on your time, and eventually I'm gonna be able to go together with one or many people. So excuse the long ramble.

Nathan 32:09

And I think that was excellent. And also that story is hilarious, right? Because as you're telling it, I can see the future though. I didn't know you were gonna get pulled over, but I knew that seven minutes was gonna matter. You know what I

Mondo 32:21

It mattered.

Nathan 32:23

uh, foreshadowing in, in absolutely the most excellent way. I have one more thought around this and like, let's, let's tie the two questions together, right? We didn't plan this. Those who don't know, I literally have a giant list of questions that I put into a random generator and it just spits out a set of questions that we then pick from random, right? So like the whole thing is we never know what we're gonna talk about. We have very little choice in this and. two things happen to line up today. So let me push a little Venn diagram together because there is the, have been some of your teachers, and so some of your teachers are accidental. We've talked about, talked about like our parents, right? Which we didn't get to choose. we've also talked about teachers that we have chosen and also we have. things like, like you and I are both part of Coalition nine and so we have very intentionally stepped into rooms to have a professional peer group, right? A group of other people who are, we are going together with always

Mondo 33:29

Yeah.

Nathan 33:29

time, and we've been doing that for years. So even when we're alone, we're never actually, like, we've sort of set up an undercurrent of aport structure, so we're never actually alone.

Mondo 33:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Facts.

Nathan 33:43

So I'm like even in you and I like being alone in the last five years. We have a 30 day cadence of checking in with our professional peer group for five straight year. You know, like,

Mondo 33:54

Yep.

Nathan 33:55

so our version of a loan doesn't even look like most people's version of a loan anymore. Well, I'm alone except except the whole room of people right there that I check in with every 30 days. Like,

Mondo 34:05

That's real.

Nathan 34:06

so along that same line, I've tried to really step into like. There is a moment, there's a moment when you need to go together and there is also growing together. Once you're actually together, then there is continued growth there, but you really took a step into like the, uh, when I am growing alone. Before I am ready to go together and you sort of exemplified that there is a time to grow alone. You may be in a period of growing alone before you are ready to go together and then grow together after that. And of course, you know, I talk about those three phases constantly. but in stepping into the growing alone portion. Okay, so you've had a professional peer group for five straight years. Like even as you're growing alone, you've had this anchor of a teacher, let's call it people around you, a professional peer group, right, that you anchor to. And so I would also consider that going together like with a teacher. It's just that relationship looks different, when you're still in that growing alone phase. Like you can still have other people with you. They might just not be on the team directly, what I'm saying? Make sense?

Mondo 35:27

What I'm hearing you say is. There can be a scenario where a team is, a group of individuals are going together and growing alone. Like when I think about C nine and just any other peer group, I use C nine specifically 'cause we're using them as a proxy. When I look around at our group. I think I said this to you recently, I'm like, nobody in our group or sphere is so far ahead of another person. We're like all one standard deviation way to where we can reach our hand back or forward and be like, come on. And so there is something about like we're a caravan of people that are going. North and like we all have our own roadmap going north, but we're all going north. And so, there's a lot of intersections where I'm like, oh man, like Nathan, I didn't know that you were sleeping here in the desert tonight. Like, what you got? And then we catch up, right? And then like I keep going and it's like, oh, well, like a week later, like there's Tony, and then like, I'm on this journey for six months by myself. And then I'm like, oh, oh, hey Laura. What's up? Like what you been doing? And then, and so like collectively. This group is all going north on the solo missions like growing alone. And eventually I just feel like Voltron assembles somehow, some way, some like we all pick up our own pieces of the, of the super puzzle and then. I don't know. We're all growing together even if we're not necessarily on the same team we are 'cause like we're just all going north. I would ask you in your time growing alone, knowing that you're moving in a direction with others, do you, do you ever actually like, feel. Alone.

Nathan 37:28

I used to all the time.

Mondo 37:29

Hmm.

Nathan 37:30

I think, I think the real difference now is even in my growing alone time, I still very intentionally seek out even like including like to pay for or whatever, I have two coaches right now. You know, one of them, Dan Neats, right? Dan Neats is one of my coach. I have a spiritual director, John. I've had John as my spiritual director for three years. Dan has been a coach of mine. Man, we've been meeting somewhat irregularly for several years. I just, jumped in to get some coaching with someone named Fors Dur, who's a little more on that second in command spectrum themselves and like. Is pushing that forward in a way that I've looked at and been like, oh, I'm going north. And I like that feel. And so would say I've also really pushed into the idea, even in, in these areas where I am growing alone, I have stopped being willing to genuinely be alone. And so, yeah, I guess, I guess I used to feel alone constantly. Now that feeling is very rare because I have this backstop of a peer group. I have very intentionally put coaches in my life. have. Gathered myself and others into rooms. I ha you know, like, so even when I'm alone, I no longer feel truly like I am alone. I'm in the growing alone phase. I'm not ready to go together. Also, it's really easy to go together and to make the transition from growing alone to going together when you have all of these other people intentionally surrounding you, who can spot it for you Way earlier.

Mondo 39:12

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Nathan 39:14

And Yeah. And so, yeah, I used to all the time and I, well, and the like, I haven't talked about this very much in my own, but of course I joke in how to be second in the book when I was in my twenties, I found Gino, who was the author of the book Traction and he introduces the EOS system and I utilize that for a while. And I've been professionally very, very helpful. And I'm like, but when I was in my teens, I found Jesus. And like the end of the day, the anchor truly for me of not feeling alone is that I always can go back and be like. God, what is happening? God,

Mondo 39:53

Yeah.

Nathan 39:53

you? Hey, how is it going? And I think also, this is sort of a last point on this, so I never, I don't think I ever really, truly feel alone anymore. Which is a crazy thing to say 'cause I've felt desperately alone, so for so many years of my life. but I don't really anymore. And I haven't for a while. that is, it really fundamentally changed how I felt. going together and growing alone and going together, and then growing together. All the whole journey. When I started asking the question, what am I doing well, including of God, investigating what I was, what I could do better at, how I could grind it harder, how I could do more, how I could, whatever. Like all of that was very like part of who I am and stuff that makes sense to me. And then also part of just culture in general or whatever, and adding this question of like, what am I doing well, has been a, a real game changer in feeling like alone. So

Mondo 40:50

I was, I was, I was gonna let you close it, but I gotta say this one thing 'cause it has been a thread for the last, maybe a week and a half or two weeks for me. And it ties to what you just said about doing something. Well, I was in a bible study with Tyree and as an athlete he was like, you know, as a, as a Christian athlete. Growing up, one of the, mottoes that we used was audience of one. And I was like, oh, what does that mean? And he was just like, yo, as an athlete, like sometimes you have your coach in your ear or your parents in your ear. The expectations of winning, losing, and crowd and all that stuff, and like owning that. You are doing this only to please God. There's just an audience of one, like really helped him and he anchored on that. And when he said it, I was like, oh, I feel like I have been learning to live that way over the past few years. But now just having that language, like really just hit and owning audience of one, I'm always asking, God, did I do that well? Is this pleasing to you? And because I am owning that question, to your point, I also never feel alone. And so like, I just really wanted to like, like double down on that. Like you can be all by yourself in the middle of a desert, but if you believe that there's still always access to that audience of one, then yeah, you'll never feel alone.

Nathan 42:14

I'm gonna honor that and put it down right there. Hey, it's Nathan again. If you made it to the end, that's awesome. I have a couple ways you can go deeper if you're interested. If you resonated with the way that Nathan talked about himself, I am Nathan you might be what we call a Second. This is an identity, not a role. We have a couple ways to dig into that curiosity. You can take our am I a second assessment on our website at how to be second.com/assessment. It is directional, not definitive. You can grab the book, how to Be Second from our website or Amazon or almost anywhere you like to buy books, including on audio read by the authors, myself and David Hartman. If you resonated with Mondo, I have a couple things for you as well. Second seat.org focuses on sponsoring seconds to be able to sit in the second seat at Youth-Focused Impact organizations to help them scale. Second Seat is always looking to talk to community impact organizations who are interested in getting a second, and for funding groups who want those types of organizations to succeed. If you're a for-profit, how to be Second has a matchmaking, not recruiting service, where we make connections between first and seconds, where there's a relationship, energy, skill, and compensation match. Finally, if you're inspired by what we're doing here, you can support how to be second at How to be second.com/support. Thanks again. I'm looking forward to our next conversation.