Supporting Families Through Genuine Connection with Ashley Gillespie

In this insightful interview, Ashley Gillespie shares her journey from speech therapy to founding Bloom Development Center, emphasizing the importance of connection, regulation, and individualized support in child development. Discover practical strategies rooted in Greenspan Floor Time to foster meaningful parent-child relationships and effectively support neurodiverse children.

Follow Ashley on Instagram and Facebook

Watch her informational videos on Youtube

Looking to start services with Ashley? Click here

***************************************************************************

Let's stay connected! 

Follow us on Instagram: @thepausethatconnects & @shinebehaviorconsulting

Live in TX and looking for support? Reach out today at www.shinebehaviorconsulting.com

Disclaimer:

The conversations on The Pause That Connects are for informational and discussion purposes only. It is not intended as medical, therapeutic, or behavioral advice. Please consult with a qualified professional for guidance specific to your situation. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, and welcome to The Pause That Connects, a podcast about slowing down just enough to better understand the people we care about. I'm your host, Amber Olsen, a board certified behavior analyst, consultant, and someone who's spent years working alongside families and professionals supporting neurodivergent individuals. Whether you're a parent, a teacher, a provider, or just simply curious about how to help, you're in the right place. Here we explore practical strategies, honest conversations, and ways to build connection through compassion. So excited you're here and let's get started. Hello, Ashley Gillespie from Bloom Development Center. I'm so excited to have you on and just share about your approach and your company and how you support families. So thank you for joining today.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm looking forward to chatting with you.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Awesome. So I kind of just wanted to start off first. I I'll share at the end, but I love your Instagram. I love your informational videos. I think everything that you share is so needed for everyone to hear, whether they're a practitioner, family member, just everyone. I think they're just wonderful. That's kind of just how I found you, and so I'm just so excited to have you on. But I kind of wanted to start with sharing your background. I know you started as a speech therapist and then child and family health practitioner. So just hear how your background led you to your developing the Bloom Development Center.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Yeah, so I have a cousin who's profoundly autistic, and growing up with her is really what has inspired me to go into this field. And when I went into college, I thought, okay, well become a speech therapist and I can save the world. And after I started doing that for a little bit, I realized that that wasn't going to happen and I didn't really have the training that I needed to be able to support families in the way that my family needed support. So I kind of went on this journey, really wanting to learn more about child development and how to support parents better. And that's what led me to finding floor time and what led me to go back to school to study infant, child, and family mental health. I was really interested in wanting to learn so much about how to help parents. And I've always been someone that's kind of a rule breaker or I like to do things the way that I like to do them. And that's really what led me to have my own place is I really wanted to have a place where I could really practice my craft and support families in the way that they really needed and not be restricted to certain organization standards or even insurance. I just didn't want to do that. So that's what led me to yeah, having my own place.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

I admire that so much. And so much of what you said just resonates with me was I had a really close person to me and my family who was diagnosed autistic and just the family had a really hard time adjusting and identifying how they could better support their loved one. And I just saw that growing up and I just felt very frustrated. And then as I was younger, I just had people in my class who were different and were treated in a way that could have probably been better. And um, I just I always felt I just gravitated towards those individuals and trying to find ways of how they can just be better supported. And so similar to you too, I had just I am a BCBA and I was with a company that did a great job, but I just wanted to be more direct with families and really helping to support the families just directly. And because we can do so much in our little rooms and our little centers and through our little computers and do all these things, but nothing really I just don't think it matters as much, and it's not going to generalize if we don't teach the in or the support the entire support system. Right. Yeah, the family like you do, supporting schools like you do. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

It was crazy how some outside organization like insurance or something else could tell us as a professional how much therapy a child could get or what kind of services a family deserved. I I always did never agree with that. It never sat well with me.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

No, not at all. And yeah, just like you, I I am not in network with insurance, but I yeah, it's just it's always frustrating. And then again, with age, I don't have an age cap and I'm very passionate about adults because a lot of adults, because of insurance restrictions, they don't get support after 10. Like insurance doesn't like to pay for like claims after 8, 10, 12, and then 18 is a big no-no. And so, um, and once kids graduate out of the 18 plus program, like they have those in Texas and all around, it's hard for parents to find okay, what what kind of support can they get now? And then yeah, so insurance just can be great and can provide, like can pay for services for families that they wouldn't other be wouldn't otherwise be able to afford. But I think it is so important to just look at other providers too beyond that and just see what kind of services are they providing, what is their approach with those services, and yeah, but I I went to a conference back in January of 2025, so last year, and I met some practitioners in Indiana and they owned an ABA, it was two brothers, they owned an ABA company, and I never like verified this, so I'm not I don't know if this is truly factual, but they had mentioned in passing that it was being regulated, I think, across the board with insurance, that if when a a client of theirs had received just cumulatively three years of therapy, that they would no longer pay for service. So if you receive three years, they're like, Well, you've had three years, so that should be fine. And who knows if it was quality services that were being provided, and like maybe that was when they were six and now they're 14 and going through all these life changes and puberty, and so just supporting effective regulation strategies and socialization and building on their strengths, that's just out the door, and so yeah, it's just I could do a four-hour podcast on right me too. But so it's just it's always so refreshing to meet just professionals and just supports like yourself who meet families with where they're at and really view and value and emphasize their strengths, and then build from there in a way that they want to build, not what a book says or an assessment says, or um just all of these different requirements that sometimes it's like, oh, I need to do this, this, and this. And it's like, well, does that stuff kind of matter to you or them, or follow your cultural beliefs, or just your personal like family beliefs? And so, yeah, it's just important to truly follow the word individualize, and actually I think so.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

I mean, that's what I do is everything's individualized to the family because not not every family is the same. Their culture within the family is completely different, and not every family has the same goals for their children, and not every child is the same. And so we can't just put everything into a box of this is how we do it. It has to be so customized. And that's what I do at my center is not only do I customize my service to the child and what the child needs, but I customize it to the family and what the family needs. So being able to not only support that family, but really show them how they can use this approach at home. And some families I can go more in depth and give them more strategies and more ways that they can challenge. And then other families, it's just about simple connection and teaching them the importance of playing with their child. And we have to meet, just like we have to meet kids where they are, we have to meet parents where they are too.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Yes, yeah, exactly. And I was gonna mention this a little later, but I it was someday this week you had posted. I'm gonna reference Instagram a lot just because I just really admire your consistency because that's something I like. Thank you. But um, what you made a post about when a parent had yelled at you, and I really again I'm gonna use this word a lot too, but resonated with that. And I think it's wonderful that you shared that moment about, and honestly, I I'd love for you to share if you remember that post that was just a few days ago, but sharing that experience because it's just, I mean, I'm gonna give a spoiler, but it's so important to hold space for parents versus like put our professional hats and our glasses on and say, this is how you can address it. So yeah, I just love that post that you made.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Yeah, it's something that has always stuck with me. And one thing I didn't share on that post was that this child was enrolled in my therapeutic school when I had a therapeutic school. And he had been with me for several years, and he really had not made that much progress. And the mom was wanting to take him out of the school. And that was the conversation we were having was her wanting to take him out because he was not making progress and she was gonna try to homeschool him. And I was fine with her taking him out, you know, but I really just wanted her, we were friends. And her and I even she traveled with me to Africa to go to one of my mission trips in Africa with me when I work with a lot of organizations over there to do charity work. And so we were friends. The mom and I were friends. And I really wanted in that conversation for her to understand that I've I understood her and I wasn't angry that she was taking her child and doing something else with him. And that I, you know, I could feel her pain. It did not what I was trying to use, these words of I understand, it didn't resonate with her and it didn't get my message across. And I think about that that mother a lot because we're no longer friends anymore. And I wonder about the boy and the whole experience taught me so much about how to hold space for parents and how to give empathy in a way that is not condescending and you're not pushing them along. You know, you're just allowing them to feel what they need to feel and let them express themselves and just to have that space. And it's so important. And it was a wonderful lesson that I learned. And I'm the kind of person that even experiences like that that aren't that favorable, I I want to take from that and I want to learn because it can help me be better to the next family that walks in my door.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Yes, absolutely. And that's so important is when you can identify where you need to grow and then identify even multiple lessons from that instance or example and how you can continue to just be better. But I I think as humans that can be so hard, especially as professionals, but just as humans, to just stop and listen. And again, that's why I like wanted to call this the pause that connects, because there's so many things we can learn if we just stop and listen before we kind of try to give our advice or share our past experiences on something. Because many of us just oftentimes will just want someone to just sit there and listen. And I mean, sometimes with like my friends and my family, uh we'll have something where if one of us is venting, we just kind of right away let each other know, I just want you to listen right now. I don't want any advice from this, from like even if it's sound I don't want any advice, I just need you to hear me vent this out. And so as practitioners, we aren't always gonna say, like, hey, do you want advice or do you want me to listen? But I think taking a moment to really just hold space, as you said, and just give them time to vent this out because maybe they don't feel like they can share some of these details with their partner or their family or their friends. And so just having you sitting right there and probably a very hard moment for them that can just be even way more valuable than any piece of advice that you could ever give, just to show that listening.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

Right. It's all about the human connection.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

It is, it really, really is, and yeah, and that's gonna be something I think we're gonna echo a lot throughout our conversation too. But that connection is everything, and you can't really do anything unless you're connected and feel that trust first. So making sure that that's not even like just that foundation needs to be there, but making sure you're watering that connection plant too, and you're making sure that in every interaction that connection is still there through and through. Yes, yeah. With connection, and you mentioned it before, um, and I'd love for you to just go into detail, but I know your approach is based off of like the Greenspan floor time approach. So I was wondering if for listeners who maybe aren't as familiar with that, if you could kind of explain just that approach.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Sure, yeah. So Greenspan floor time is a developmental approach and it's all about social and emotional learning. And it was founded off of Dr. Greenspan in the 70s, he created this approach, floor time, off of this theoretical framework that a child's development is very individualized. And when we support them through their relationships, then we can see them make more progress. So, what I do is really focusing on getting the connection is so important. That's the really the main thing, but really focusing on regulation and engagement, getting the child to engage with you. And the goal is to be able to have them have this back and forth type of interaction where they are requesting things nonverbally, it doesn't have to be with language. Communication is, you know, gestures and eye contact or their affect on their face and getting them to stay in this continuous back and forth interaction. And I love the model. I mean, I am just really love the research. I love learning. I've been studying it for many, many years. And it's really been a game changer for my therapy and how I work with parents and how I coach parents. So it's like I said, it's not so much about giving parents all the strategies. It's really more about teaching them how to connect with their child and how to just expand out that connection just another step further to get that child to initiate something or respond to you in a new way, to really focus on them just becoming adaptable and flexible and learning how to have a conversation.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Yes, yeah. And I I just like that it again is meeting where they're at and then branching out on that and focusing again, connection, connection, connection. And I and I think you've mentioned it in some of your just posts and what I've seen you share, but connection and regulation are just the two most important things you can have before you can do anything. And you've talked about like, and again, me with my background in ABA, it basically has like a nasty taste in people's mouths sometimes when they talk about it because they view it as compliance-based and that and again following like an A through Z kind of checklist on these are the things we need to work on, and this is exactly how we need to do it. And I'd like to say that I've met some practitioners that are moving in the direction that I am, where it's like very individualized, it's very again affirming and not just compliance, compliance, compliance. And I think as a field we're slowly moving that way. But one example that I really like I I thought of recently, and it's kind of applicable to right as we're recording in March, but with taxes, and I use this example to explain it to parents, to teachers, but of how regulation is everything. Like you need that first. And I just say, like, if you picture yourself in five o'clock traffic and you're stuck and you're just trying to get home and you've been waiting for 40 minutes, and then someone's like, here, do your taxes, like that's something you do know how to do, but you're not going to effectively complete your taxes in that time because you're even if you're you're not driving, you're sitting still in this just gridlock traffic, you're not gonna want to complete that because you're so stressed. Maybe you had a long day, maybe it's Friday, and all you want to do is just get home. That's all you're thinking about. So you're gonna make mistakes, you're gonna possibly spill your coffee on it. You may rip it up because you're already so frustrated. So we can't expect like a friend to feel like to be able to complete a task, maybe that they know really well, and it's like just complete it, just do it. Like, I know you know how to clean up your dishes and put your stuff away, but maybe right before it was time to clean dishes, they found out that they like weren't gonna see a friend that day because they were sick or something like that. So they're feeling really sad, they have all these big feelings, and they're not regulated. So for them to complete that task in a state where they're not regulated is just cause and creation of a tornado, like a metaphorical tornado. Just that regulation is so huge. And so, how do you kind of use that floor time approach in your sessions to support regulation, maybe in moments during your sessions?

SPEAKER_01 16:18

Yeah, I mean, well, I was trained heavily on regulation and diving more into not just the sensory needs of the child or the emotional needs and even their arousal, and then looking at things like motor planning or how the child's processing visual information or auditory information. And so you're looking at all of these things for regulation, and it's not just saying, oh, the child's dysregulated because they're crying, you know. Well, the child is sitting in the corner, not doing anything, laying down. They're not really necessarily misbehaving, but they're totally dysregulated. Okay, so what am I gonna do to be able to help them? And so how I've always been taught is that you are really supporting them through that emotional piece. It's giving them any kind of sensory information, sensory input that they need, but also what are you doing with your energy to really either amp up the child and get them a little upregulated or to downregulate them? And for me, I think ultimately you can't regulate a child if you don't have connection with them. You just can't. I think it's impossible, honestly. Is it quick and easy to build connection with children? Absolutely. It is, especially if you are following their lead and you know, really watching and observing how they are interacting within the environment. But that connection piece is so important. And I think that's what a lot of professionals miss out on, is they think regulation, like I said, is just the child being upset and they automatically start wanting them to do a task or talking to them about all these things, and they don't have that eye to really see that the child is in a dysregulated state and how they can quickly work through that by just bringing in a different type of energy and maybe incorporating some movement to be able to help them.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Yes. And I mean, you again, you can't do really anything without connection. I mean, and I speaking from personal experience, like yesterday I had an eye doctor appointment and it was the first time I was at this office, first time with this doctor, and right when I walked in, or right when the doctor walked in, didn't really say anything to me to kind of like build rapport in a sense. It wasn't like, how's your day going? Hi, like my name is Dr. Whitecote. I can't believe a name right now, but then so like introducing themselves, it was just right to business, let's talk about this. And so I kind of felt like it was just a cold interaction. I didn't really, I kind of checked out at some points when he was talking to me about my macula all these things, and so I just wasn't very connected because I was like, Well, he didn't really put any time into me. And so it's the same when we're interacting with children or our own children, if we just come in right away and we're saying all these things, and that it's valid in situations where you do know someone, like you should always, like we said before, continue to work on that connection. And so, but especially as professionals, we can't just like walk into a room and expect a child to start telling us things or we can work through things, like we need to build that safe, safe, safe space for them where they know they can, okay, I can trust Ashley, I can trust Dr. Whitecoat, like I can really trust these people um and have meaningful play with them instead of like and there's I've seen situations when I was a BCBA and like supervising RBTs and they would come in and I would see kids like they would say, like, okay, it seems like this adult who hasn't really smiled at me is wanting me to play with trains, so like I guess I'll play with trains and like going through the motions kind of play. So identifying is what we're doing actually meaningful to them, or are they just kind of doing it because they're like a lot of kids are told what to do all day every day, like at school and extracurricular activities, and so we need to make sure that we're not just another person telling them what to do, we're giving them a safe space and a fun place too. So that is something else I've seen you um share about is actually I'm gonna relate this back to something I was told a long time ago, which I value. But if I'm not like if the practitioner isn't having fun, then the child isn't having fun. And that's something I learned pretty quickly too, because there would be some sessions where I kind of got in a pattern where I was like, okay, we're gonna start with reading a book together, and then we're gonna go to jump on the trampoline, and then we're gonna do, we're gonna like do some dance music videos and stuff. But I was like, I caught myself and I was like, Okay, I'm not really having fun, but this is just what we do, and it seems like they're smiling. And I quickly, luckily, my supervisor was like, No, like either this is what you did the last two sessions I was here, like, let's do something new. And so identifying when you're bored to do something, and so I've seen you like share about you kind of noticing that you were feeling under stimulated and a little sleepy, and so using your wonderful, beautiful center that you have that is based truly with the foundation of connection, and so going into I think it was like the bouncy room and you were jumping around, and that's important to have that self-recognition and self-awareness.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, I always tell professionals when I'm mentoring them, do you want to go to work and be bored all day? Because I don't want to be bored all day. I I mean, you we can love our job because we love people and we want to and we are in the caring profession and we want to help people, but what makes your job even more better is if you have fun. That's gonna be a really fun way to just have a good day. And I always, you know, if I get bored in my environment, I'm gonna change things around because if I'm feeling it, I know the child is feeling bored and they're not gonna want to come and play with me. And I need them to come and play with me so that I can help them. So I really think that that's how you build connection with kids is through. The fun. We can't pretend our way to connection. A child feels that instantly. And the best way to build a relationship with a child is by having fun and sharing joy and getting up and moving your body around and just letting the should the child spirit in you come out. It just it just makes the day go by faster. And it's a lot of fun to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

It is. And I love that you've like touched on your child spirit. Because I think when I first started, it was like, I don't know like what they would think is fun, but just just go for it. And then it'll naturally like you'll jump back into feeling like a kid again. And it's so, so fun. And it is it's just fulfilling and it fills that space with again meaningful interaction. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. So how what would you say like the role of specifically talking like movement and physical activity in play during your sessions, like why that's so important versus going and playing with some trains or something similar to that?

SPEAKER_01 23:03

I have found that small toys can just really take away from the interaction. The child is more interested in playing with the toy than they are with you. And I think, you know, even me being someone who's skilled, I still struggle to get children to get their attention when they are so self-involved in a toy. And so I I limit that. I I don't really have toys. Some kids, I allow them to use toys if they can pretend play and they're using a lot of symbolic communication, it's appropriate. But for a child that is in the earlier milestones and maybe they're non-speaking, I just don't put out any toys. Okay, so if you don't have toys to keep the child engaged and busy, what do you do? Well, that's when you move your body. And by you moving your body, it entices the child and they think, oh, that's fun. Or maybe if a child comes in that is already moving their body a lot and they're already crashing on everything and jumping on everything, well, then I just do what they're doing and mirror their activities and how they're moving their body. So the goal is to become in sync with them. Our bodies become in sync and we're having this play together and then initiate, I might initiate picking them up from their feet and hanging them upside down or something. Slowly adapting the play, where it's new things that we can do with movement. But I love movement for so many reasons. Movement's a regulator, it can help keep the child regulated and movement keeps you busy and you having fun. You're when I sit down, I'm like, oh my gosh, I need a nap. You know, like I have to be moving and it just keeps me going, keeps my energy good. And it's just a fun way to interact with kids. And I think it takes a lot of therapeutic skill to be able to engage kids with movement. But the more you practice it and the more you're trying it out, it really becomes so natural. And like I said, it's just so much fun.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

Yes, yeah. And I mean, like you said, you're having fun, so the the time is is moving fast. But yes, I and I think we all need movement and we may not always realize it. Like if I'm really stressed, I realize it's been a while since I've been on a bike ride or I've been on a walk, and like that movement and that outside time is just important. And so then when you're also teaching like kids different ways to play with things, you're also expanding their ways of thinking of like play with others and even socialization. And when you're imitating and you're uh like kind of just copying things they're doing, it's like, wow, Ashley thinks this is cool, this is so fun. And then I also like and curious to see like how you kind of use this in your therapy sessions, but then you can kind of switch it and then you can try to model some phrases of like when you're playing and and things like that. So do you find that that's like a help or a shift that you usually make during your sessions as well?

SPEAKER_01 25:53

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I want the child to become adaptable, and people I think get confused in child-led therapy is they think the child has to have all the ideas. But if the child has all the ideas, then they're not learning to be flexible and they're not learning to adapt. And it's really not social interaction because in any other social interaction of any other person in the world, they're not going to just 100% follow the child's ideas. Any other child is going to initiate a new idea. So the child has to learn to do that. So what I do is I just initiate small, subtle changes into the play that was their idea. And that is such a great way to incorporate more language because maybe we're jumping up and down. We're jumping, now I'm gonna crash, now crash. And you can change the language. And that's what I always do is I just whatever I'm doing with my body, I'll usually just kind of use language to describe that and bring all this energy in. And it really becomes that's how you get them to have more back and forth. Because if they're just doing the same thing and you're following their lead every single time and you're never changing it up a little bit, they're gonna get bored and then they're gonna go somewhere else, and then you're gonna follow them there. Okay. But the the ultimate goal is, like I said, adaptability, flexibility, and learning how to socially interact.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

Yes, yes, no, absolutely. And I I love again, the goal is like small changes, and then that's how that adaptability can absolutely form. Um, and we and then with that, I was gonna mention too, like I've had sessions where parents have mentioned, like, I know you're working on things, but it looks like all you're doing is playing. And I always get actually excited when parents will say that because it's like, okay, great, I'm so glad that it just looks like we're playing and we're having fun, but then breaking down what we were actually working on. Um and so I'm curious if you've had people mention that to you, but then also with parents, how you're able to involve them in your approach and share with them different ways to support that adaptability and yeah, just how you incorporate that parent involvement.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

Yeah, I I don't get it very often, but sometimes I do. And you know, I mean, the the one thing I always say is a child's job is to play. That's their job. But I also will tell the parent, okay, well, show me how you engage him. You show me how you do it so I can see what you're doing. Maybe I can learn from you. And the parent starts trying to engage them and they're struggling, they don't know how. But in their mind, they think, okay, if my child sits at a table and you teach them, they're gonna learn and they're gonna grow and develop. And we really just have to reframe parents to teach them that these foundational social and emotional skills of engagement and having this back and forth interaction is the foundation for all learning. And we have to really we have to really fit, we have to support this, we have to strengthen it. And that's what I do is I, you know, show them that. And then once they admit I can't, I don't know how to do it, what you know, what do you recommend? Then I show them. I show them how it looks to engage their child. And when they see their child engaging in new ways with someone they've never met before, it instantly shows them, okay, I understand what she's talking about. And so then from there, I bring the parent in. Okay, you come in. Now I'm gonna tell you how to do this so you can have this interaction together. And then they're playing, they start playing, and then I start coaching the parent in the moment and telling the parent what to do and how to raise their voice a little bit to get some more engagement and how to challenge the child a little bit. And it's really beautiful to watch. I think when you can empower a parent to know how to engage their child where they're able to have this back and forth, it's just the most rewarding, beautiful thing because that's what they're really missing for a lot of these families. They're really missing just being able to connect with their child. And so, by you know, little me being able to help them do that, it is such a fulfilling thing for me in my life.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

Yes, absolutely. And that's that's the goal is for them to feel the most confident while they're like that last step is just so exciting when you're able to be there and coach them if they need it. But then you can just see that relationship blossom even more in a way that maybe that parent never even imagined or that child never imagined, or you ever imagined. It's just like this huge um like just growth in the relationship. And I just I've that makes me so happy too. And I just again as a practitioner really want to focus on involvement with parents and making sure that parents and siblings are seeing like what we're doing in those sessions. And yeah, I just I've heard of places before where maybe parents aren't allowed in because they're worried about distractions or things like that. And I just think it would be a good suggestion for parents to look for providers who are welcoming to hey, come in, watch what we're doing. If you have questions that like you can ask where we can talk about it right after, and I can model things or you can do them and I can give you suggestions just as you had mentioned, and that's just that's that's what the end goal is. The the goal isn't just for your child or your teen or your adult or your loved one to come in, and then we do all of these things and then they leave, and then it's like that's that's just not realistic. It won't work out that way. Everyone needs to be on the same page. And another thing that I'll usually say with comparing that is I always think of different provider. This is how I talk about collaboration amongst a whole team, but different providers speaking different languages and how that can be confusing to the child. So like BCBA might be speaking French, and then the speech therapist is speaking German, and then the parents are speaking Spanish. And so then when the child is in these different spaces, they're able to kind of speak these different languages, but it can just be so confusing too of which language are they gonna take with them, versus if we're all just collectively speaking the similar language, then they can go off and be that much more um just fulfilled and just taking all of those strategies and what they've learned from each of us in a collab a collective way into their own other environments that we may not be in.

SPEAKER_01 31:59

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Yeah, so I'm just I'm grateful that you stand on that being such a an important piece of the therapy, or like just the support that you provide is that inclusion of everyone and making sure we're all talking and collaborating.

SPEAKER_01 32:16

Right. And I think we can work with the child for several hours a week and be the best therapist that we could possibly be for the child. But if we don't empower the the parent, we're missing a mark. And you to really support a child for life is to give their parent, give their parents the tools, train them on how to interact with them because they're gonna be with them and you won't. Eventually, your time with them will end. Unfortunately, I mean it's breaks my heart every time a child has to move on from me, but it happens. And as long as I've empowered the parent and I've given them all of my knowledge for their child, that to me is true. That's true good therapy and intervention because you've given the parent all of that to be able to take on with the child.

SPEAKER_00 33:04

Right, right. That's yeah, really helpful. Would you just as we're like kind of closing out our conversation, do you have any like and this is a loaded question too, but like helpful take homes for a parent? Like right now, if maybe they do feel like I just don't feel connected to my child, I don't know what to do, and I'm very just lost right now, and I don't even know like the first step. Do you have like, and again it's loaded, it may be difficult to enter, but answer, but a general suggestion that you would give for just starting to build a solid foundation for connection?

SPEAKER_01 33:37

Yeah, I think I always tell parents the very first thing is you need to understand your child. You really need to understand their development, their regulation to be able to know how to connect with them. Because a lot of times what's impacting the connection is the regulation. And the parent is not quite sure what the child needs to help them get regulated. And so working with a provider that can help them understand that is really key. But then the other thing I tell parents is even though you don't know what to do yet, don't be afraid to try. Don't be afraid to maybe limit some things within your environment. If it's small toys that your child is really interested in, or maybe your child spends a lot of their time on a tablet. Don't be afraid to limit some of those things. And while you're limiting those, then you're putting yourself in place and you're replacing the small toy or you're replacing the time that you have that the child has with the tablet. And finding just small, joyful ways to just connect and stay in that connection is so important. If it's snuggling at night, snuggle that baby for an hour and stay connected to them and then keep practicing, keep trying and make sure to work on your presence and your own awareness of yourself. And it's a journey, it's not something that can happen overnight. You you have to practice and try and learn. Um, but yeah, that's what I would recommend.

SPEAKER_00 35:01

That's I think that's so helpful. And I like that you said it takes practice and it won't happen overnight. I always also like to say like progress is never linear, like there will be some some bumps, but I being aware, the self-awareness of areas that you can grow, which we touched on earlier, and just taking that and learning from it. Another, I keep dispraising you. I feel like I'm a spokesperson for Instagram, but I just really appreciate how you have posted videos as well where you acknowledge areas that you could have done better. I think that that's something that a lot of practitioners probably view as like scary of I don't want to show people what I or talk about what I used to do and what may not have been that great, but I think that just demonstrates how much you care and how much you want to learn and how much you want to grow from just your own your own areas. And I and those are learning moments or teaching moments for everyone as well. And so I just it's that also shows just the desire for wanting to be better constantly, and so I think that it yeah, yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

I think you know, for me, my Instagram is like my own personal diary, and I I'm on a journey, I'm on a journey to empower people to interact with autistic kids, and I think to do that I have to show my journey, and I haven't always been where I'm at.

SPEAKER_00 36:19

And I hope right, yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely. So, yeah, and I've learned from a few of the ones that you've posted too already. And I think I mean it's we all need to make our own mistakes and learn from them, but I mean I can just speak in a general term, like I've heard of mistakes that maybe my parents made that they wish they would have done better, and so I can take that and think, like, okay, I can see how that translates into my life, and that's something that I want to make sure that I do. So it's kind of just finding that equal like position of I can make these mistakes and learn from them, but I can also see professionals and hear the reasoning why they feel it was a mistake and why they think this other way would have been a little bit better and just learn from you. And so it's it's a way it's I and you can tell when you view everything that you share that it is your own personal journey, and I think having that authentic feel just makes it so genuine and helps people reflect on that themselves deeply and say, okay, how can I try to adjust what I'm doing based off of what I'm reading here? Yeah, no, absolutely. So you're so busy, you have your own center and you uh run this like consistent social media platform and uh you have a family of your own. So, how do you kind of find moments to just pause for yourself and find moments for you to re-regulate and moments just to make sure that your glasses is at least mostly full throughout your days? That's awesome. Yeah, I love that. And I think again, running a business, being a parent, you just you have these areas of your life where you're just give, give, give, give, give, and that's what you're passionate about. And so you feel like your cup is full, but then speaking from personal experience, you just kind of have moments where you are completely run out and you're like, wow, I'm empty, I'm done, I'm not provide like doing the giving 100% like I I could. And so, yeah, finding that is is important. So I thank you for sharing that because I just like to ask people who are on the podcast of what they do just to give ideas to some people who are like I never have time for myself, and so maybe a bubble bath will be perfect for them. So well, awesome. Well, thank you so much, Ashley, for say I'm so grateful because I get to speak to so many wonderful people, but these conversations go by in just a few minutes for me. So just thank you for your time though, and sharing your past experiences and sharing more about the Greenspan floor time approach, just giving lots of pieces of knowledge and experience for people to take home and really think about for themselves and maybe what they want to look for in a provider for their child, or maybe someone who is in college right now is like, wow, I want to do like a path just like Ashley. So just thank you for sharing so much about yourself.

unknown 38:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

Thank you so much for joining me on the Pause That Connects. If something in today's episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to follow the show, leave a review, or share it with someone who could maybe use the support. You can find more resources, connect with me, or suggest a topic over at my Instagram, which is at the pause that connects, or via my website, www.shinebehaviorconsulting.com. And just a quick note this podcast is for informational purposes only and isn't meant to take place of professional advice or support. Always reach out to a qualified provider if you need any guidance specific to you or your family. Until next time, keep pausing, keep connecting, and keep showing up with heart. Bye.