24: When Executive Directors Hit a Breaking Point - It's Not You, It's the System

When leadership starts to feel unstable, many executive directors quietly wonder if they’re the problem. In this episode, we unpack why that thought shows up—and why it’s often not true. Through Mary’s story, you’ll hear what happens when a leader becomes the system holding everything together, and why that approach eventually breaks down.

This conversation reframes the real issue: it’s not about working harder or communicating better—it’s about building a structure and culture that can hold the organization alongside you. When that shifts, leadership becomes sustainable, teams align, and momentum returns. 

3 Practical Takeaways:

•  Notice where you’re acting as the system instead of leading one. 
•  Identify one pressure you’re absorbing that should be shared or structured. 
•  Take one step toward building team ownership instead of holding everything yourself.

If this episode resonated with you, join our email community of Executive Directors and nonprofit CEOs who are leading with more confidence, unifying their teams, and transforming their cultures. You’ll be the first to hear about new resources, conversations, and opportunities to support your leadership journey.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Welcome to Nonprofit CEO Spark, the podcast for bold leaders ready to navigate growth and change with energy and confidence. I'm Marcia Beckner, Nonprofit Founder, former Executive Director, and Culture Strategist with nearly 20 years in the social impact world. Each week I help nonprofit leaders stop spinning out, set boundaries, and design inclusive cultures where all staff can thrive. If you're ready to reignite your leadership without sacrificing your well-being, hit subscribe and let's spark your next chapter together. If you're managing toxic staff dynamics, bored expectations, and the future of the organization feels like it all holds with you, when things are starting to feel like they're slipping out of your control, there's a thought that can creep in that most leaders don't say out loud. They wonder, I wonder if I'm not the right leader for this organization anymore. And that's a hard place to be because you care deeply. You're working incredibly hard. And from the outside, things might even look like they're holding up okay, but inside, inside your body, things feel off. When you walk into the office, the dynamics feel off. And today I want to offer you a different way to look at that because what if the problem isn't you? What if the problem is that you've become the system your organization is relying on to function? And no one is ever meant to carry that alone. Welcome to the Nonprofit CEO Spark Podcast. It's a podcast for nonprofit executive directors and CEOs who are leading through growth, change, and complexity, and they want to do it with more courage, clarity, and confidence. I'm Marsha Beckner, a nonprofit founder myself, former executive director, and today I'm a CEO mentor and culture strategist. I created the Culture Cares model to give leaders a clear process and a structure with which to rebuild your culture and foster a healthy, inclusive work environment where everyone can thrive, including you. Because the truth is, most nonprofit CEOs and executive directors are trying to solve deeply human, complex organizational problems while quietly caring more than anyone, well, quietly caring more than anyone around them fully understands. And that when things start to break down, you start to feel like you're incapable because you're overwhelmed with all of the different hats you're wearing. And the right structure to support you is not built. I want to tell you a story about Mary. Mary is a nonprofit executive director, and from the outside, her organization looks like it's doing great. It's growing. It's about a $3 million organization. She's got nearly 20 staff members. And the organization is a pillar in the community. It's been around for decades, and they provide mental health support to people in need. There is forward movement and momentum. The team has been intact, and there is enough visible progress that most people, including her board members, assume that things are going well. Mary loves her mission, especially the parts that involve visioning, building her team, mentoring emerging leaders, creating systems that work, and turning strategy into real impact in the community. And she is very good at seeing the bigger picture and translating it into something her team can act on. She's done the hard work of stabilizing the organization in the past. And when she first stepped into this job four years ago, she helped create clarity, connection, trust, and direction, which is something she's deeply proud of, and she should be. But over time, over the last few years, you may not have noticed, but things have changed, right? What people don't see is that internally, Mary is facing these external pressures like political, economic changes, and the internal pressures of staff turnover and the pressure to raise more money every year. Mary has become the one that absorbs everything, the external and the internal. And she often wonders, who can I vent to? She wonders, why aren't we humanizing the role of the executive director? You're supposed to have it all together all the time. And she is often afraid to admit what she doesn't know. She is holding staff stress on her shoulders, board opinions that are different and competing against each other, funding pressure, and the tension that comes with trying to evolve a culture while keeping the organization functioning day to day. She likes to give her team credit. She creates emotional safety so they can perform and she invests deeply in their growth. But there is no real place where she gets to land. And over time, that starts to feel like a quiet form of being underappreciated. And it's not because she needs the status or constant applause, but because the full weight of her role is not fully seen. And at the same time, the organization is continually dealing with change and uncertainty. She's having the same conversations with staff over and over, trying to be thoughtful, trying to be fair, trying to maintain relationships while also trying to protect the team and uphold quality standards. She told me about a moment recently where she was sitting across from a team member addressing behavior that had been negatively impacting others. And she was choosing her words really carefully because she wanted to handle it well. And partway through the conversation, the team member leaned back and said, I just feel like expectations keep changing and it's hard to know what you really want. Well, this left Mary feeling deflated. And at that moment, Mary felt that familiar mix of frustration and self-doubt because she knew the expectations had been communicated and she knew the behavior was not aligned, but she found herself questioning whether she herself had said it clearly enough or whether she was being too hard on the other person. So instead of holding the line fully, she softened her stance, she adjusted her expectations, and she walked out of that conversation, knowing nothing had actually changed, and that she would be back in the same place again soon. So Mary and I began working together. And as we began to implement the culture care system, what changed was not just how Mary was leading, but how the organization itself was functioning. She started to feel relieved in a way she had not felt in a long time. She had felt her energy coming back, and she rebuilt a self-care routine and a personal life that had slowly disappeared under the weight of her role. Before we started working together, she was working 60 plus hours a week. That's multiple 12-hour days and time on the weekend. And we started to redesign how her life could look. She had given up her personal life because she thought that's just what this work requires. And I helped her understand that it does not require that. You can lead an organization successfully and a life you love at the same time. It's both and, not one or the other. Her work-life balance improved in a way that she actually felt real. And she told me at one point that she felt like a different person, both personally and professionally. Her team dynamics changed as well. She noticed that they were happier, more engaged, and working with each other instead of against her. And she finally had a leadership team that was truly backing her up instead of relying on her for everything and placing blame. Her board also noticed the shift and felt more confident in her leadership, and there was a renewed sense of trust, morale, and alignment. And most importantly, this was something that she didn't have to do alone. She did this in a co-creative process with her staff, where they shared ownership over the culture that they were building and they addressed team challenges at the root rather than continuing to manage ongoing symptoms. Her team became clear about who they were, who they wanted to hire and retain, what their level of standards would become, and performance improved and they met their fundraising goals earlier without burning out the team in the process. Over time, they built a reputation as an organization that people genuinely wanted to work for, and funders noticed this, which made it easier to attract the talent and support and resources they needed. And this is why I say this so clearly. Culture is your growth engine. And when the team dynamics are off, even slightly, your organization will not fully reach its potential until the team culture is strong, aligned, and healthy. And when that happens, everything accelerates. Remember that 99% of your success depends on your people. And your people want to grow in an environment that is healthy for them and for you. And when you rebuild that kind of culture, not only does your organization thrive, but your life feels completely different. And most importantly, sustainable. So if you are listening now and you hear yourself in Mary's story, I want you to reflect on three things. First, where are you currently acting as the system instead of leading one? Second, what would need to change for your leadership to feel sustainable, not just barely effective? And what is one step that you can take to move from carrying everything to building something sustainable that can hold the work with you? And if you're at that point where you know something has to change, I invite you to visit me at cultureclearcares.com. Culture Clares.com and learn more about the Culture Cares Accelerator on the Mentoring tab. This is where we do the deeper work of helping you build a culture system, a process, and a structure that is aligned, sustainable, and capable of supporting both your team and you as the leader. And while you're there, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter where I share weekly leadership and cultural insights designed to help you create a healthier organization, strengthen your own health and well-being, and actually enjoy your life and leadership role again. And as you move into your week, I want to leave you with this. Always remember, you are meant for great things, and you don't have to burn out to prove it. Thanks for listening to today's episode of Nonprofit CEO Spark. If you're ready to turn burnout into boundaries and build a healthy, happy culture where everyone, including you, can thrive. Visit culturecares.com to learn how I support nonprofit organizations like yours. If this episode brought you value, share it with a fellow leader navigating stress and overwhelm. And remember, you are meant for great things and you don't have to burn out to prove it. Until next time, keep leading with courage and confidence.