From Amish Simplicity to Mennonite Control: A Survivor’s First Steps Toward Freedom (Part 1 of 4)

#6. In the powerful opening episode of this four-part series, we meet a brave woman who grew up in the traditional Amish world of simplicity, horse-drawn buggies, and tight-knit family life. But when her family moved into a strict Mennonite community, everything changed. What began as a search for deeper faith quickly turned into a nightmare of extreme control, isolation, and abuse.

In this raw conversation, she opens up about her Amish childhood, the shocking shift to Mennonite life, and the first painful moments when she began to question the rules that governed her every move. This is the beginning of her journey out of high-control religion and toward reclaiming her own voice.

This series is heavy, honest, and eye-opening — perfect for anyone exploring faith deconstruction, religious trauma, or supporting survivors of spiritual abuse.

Part 1 of 4 — Make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss the rest of her powerful story.

Cocktail Recipe: The Velvet Afterglow

1 lime

1 orange

1 club sode

2 oz Vodka (optional)

#ExAmish #LeavingAmish #MennoniteControl #AmishToMennonite #ReligiousTrauma #FaithDeconstruction #HighControlReligion #CultSurvivor #AbuseSurvivor #SpiritualAbuse #SurvivorStory #ShakenUnfiltered

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Shaken and Unfiltered. Welcome to Shaken and Unfiltered, a cocktail of conversation where two longtime girlfriends, one Gen X and one millennial, sip, swear, and spill the kind of midlife truths you only hear after two martinis. Slightly stirred, always served straight up. Well, we're excited to share that our next guest was so fascinating that we had to extend this beyond just one episode. So Lindsay and I are proud to share that we are dropping our very first mini-series, a four-part interview with our guest Ruthie Gale, author of Call Me Before You Go. So stay tuned for all episodes dropping soon. And we're back. Drinks in hand, mic's on. Are we ready to go? Let's go. I'm Jen. I'm Lindsay. I'm Ruthie. We have a new guest today and a very special two-part episode.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Yep. Today we're beginning a powerful two-part conversation with survivor and writer Ruthie Gale. She is the author of Call Me Before You Go, a compassionate guide to helping keep your friends alive as they navigate depression. So in part one, Ruthie's going to share her deeply personal story of growing up in a conservative, Amish community, shedding light on the rules, the science, the control, and the moments that ultimately led her to leave. We talk about the complexity of that decision, the fear, the guilt, and identity challenges that followed. She also opens up about how she's rebuilding her life today and transforming her experience into something meaningful. She's offering insight, empathy, and practical support for those facing depression, as well as those who want to show up for someone in crisis. If you've ever felt trapped in a system that claimed to have all the answers, struggled with overwhelming emotions, or wanted to better support someone you care about, this conversation is for you.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

So I'm so glad that Ruthie could join us today. And it's funny that she and I across paths on the south side of town where all the family is at the south side a few times, usually with a beverage in hand, which I think is where we meet our good friends, we share good stories. And as we had this conversation over a couple different evenings, I found her story just so fascinating. And it really resonated with me on so many levels. And so as we were thinking about great people to talk and hear the story, Ruthie came to mind. So welcome, Ruthie. Welcome.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

It's so good to be here. We're so happy to have you. So we come from very different backgrounds. Like I said, we've got a lot of common threads, I think, in some of our past experiences, but I think also as women moving forward and trying to find those connections and supporting each other through friendship and those ups and downs and friendship and lives that we have with ourselves and people that we care about. So to kick it off, very interesting story. So can you give us a little bit of background on your upbringing, Amish community, which is just fascinating? So for those of us that don't have a real context of what that community and religion is like, can you share a bit about that?

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Yeah, so it is a very conservative, obviously, um, community, and they don't believe in being part of the world. So the whole religion was formed from being separate from the world. So a lot of what they do is the the the world being current state world, yes, with current affairs of the world. Like if the world is driving cars, then we're gonna drive horse and buggy. So that was kind of the basis of what they felt was um appropriate the appropriate way to live out their Christianity. Um it's based in the Bible, it's a Christian belief. They would believe in God, Jesus, all that, but they also believe that you should follow these certain traditions and this the laws, the rules of the church to be in safe standing with God.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

Um did this um religion and community start from kind of the evolution of technology, or how far does this go back? Is this kind of an offshoot of of seeing the direction of how society was evolving and then kind of this push against that? You know what?

SPEAKER_00 3:42

I'm not sure, but I think you're gonna challenge me on the history of this. Um it actually started, I believe it came from um way back probably I don't know, 200 years ago, maybe. Um that's just a wild guess. But uh they branched out of the Catholics, from what I know. Um Jacob Amon was the person that founded this the Amish. And it was based on the um he wanted to keep more of the traditions and as far as I can remember, that there was like a group that went more in the other route and became more worldly. And so they were just that group that um stayed more traditional and kept the kept the like separation between church and state. That was like the big thing that they kind of were founded on. So your whole family was part of this community for how many generations? I mean, oh, I mean, my great-grandparents, everybody I know So very long history and background. Yes, I was definitely probably fifth generation Amish.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

Oh wow, and Amish is there is no electricity, there's no alcohol, there's no caffeine, right? There is caffeine. There is caffeine for sure.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

Coffee is the drug of choice in the Amish. Okay. Um there's definitely coffee. Um and I always joke, I'm like, you know, that's just like my family. We've always had coffee, and that was just our that was like how we bonded. We we didn't drink, you know, alcohol, we didn't have alcohol, but coffee definitely. Well, also.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

You've got to give the cocktail of the day. Oh yes.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

Um skip that's so important.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

I was so excited to get into the content of this, I forgot the cocktail. Um, I'm gonna call it the velvet afterglow. And I feel like it's kind of indicative of where I am in my life right now, and I'm feeling the glow. I'm feeling the, you know, the revitalizing of my life. And um, so it's just a it's basically, as I was telling you earlier, I'm on a health journey, so it's really not a cocktail, but it's got citrus and it's got spice, it's got orange and club soda, and I just fill it with like lime and it's fizzy and zesty and but yet it's smooth, I feel like.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

I love it. So it sounds delicious. It sounds better with vodka.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

It is it is actually better with vodka because I used to do that. With or without vodka, depending on your journey at the time, correct.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

Depending where you are. Yeah, the velvet is what was it? Velvet. The velvet afterglow. Okay, got it. Sounds like pre-glow, too. It could be like your pregame.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Oh, yes, I like that. Okay, yeah. So I was in the Amish community, my whole family was Amish until I was around 10, I think. Um, and then my dad kind of was on this his own journey with trying to find truth. He was always a truth seeker. And he one thing that he did not agree with in the Amish culture is that when a child turns 16, they are expected to kind of go out into the world and sow their wild oats, and it's called rumspringe. Or for you English speaking speaking people, it's rumspringer. You've probably you might have heard of it.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Is that for male and female?

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Yes. Okay. Yes. So the only difference is usually is just the boys that get their driver's license and they will drive the car. And the girls usually just like they it shows up in how they dress. Like they'll go out at night and totally like have cut hair and and then they'll come home and go to church the next day looking completely Amish. How does that make any sense though?

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Like, if the whole belief is like we want to stay separate from the world, why at 16 all of a sudden, like, hey, throw you into the deep end and like scale block. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Yeah. Well, you know, amazingly, they have a lot of kids return to the Amish after that time frame. It's usually, it lasts for usually two to three years-ish, something like that. And then when they turn for sure, by the time they are 21, I guess that's longer than that, but um, they are expected to join the church and like kind of get their their life together and and be a part of the church. And when they get married, that always happens. Like they get baptized into the church and they get married usually at that time. Um, so there is actually a really, I mean, it's it's such a phenomenon because you would think, like some of these guys, some of these people are like full on running, you know, they're running full bands and like music, they're doing musical instruments. Well, that's all gotta go when they join the Amish. So literally, I have a cousin who is, no, you don't have you, you're not allowed to have like music. Can you sing? Yes, you can sing, but not the musical instruments, the like drums for sure. Like I think now and it's a little bit more okay, at least in the Ohio Amish where I come from, um, to have musical instruments, but not, you cannot have a band or things like that. Like that is a no-no. So I literally have cousins who are in bands and they're like, you know, they're gonna have to give all that up when they go Amish. But they I think the theory is that they will kind of get it out of their system. Oh, I mean, so in some ways, I kind of like this because I think that um, as compared to other conservative communities that I then was a part of after that, I think that I used to just wish that I could have that Ruhm springet, you know, and have that moment because I think you're so confined, you know, for all of your life. Your world is so tiny and so small that at least for me, when I finally did fly the coop, it was like I was unprepared for uh for what was was out there. And so I guess if you're going to kind of like send your kids out to the wolves, so to speak, then do it in the do it in the safety of the community, right? So like everybody expects this. Right. And so you're still with the people that grew up the way you did. You're still hanging out with the people that grew up with good morals. They're not gonna like go out and shoot somebody because they have this kind of value system that is still built in. They're not gonna hurt anybody in their wild, in their wildness. So it is, I guess, in some ways, almost like this way for them to try out the world.

SPEAKER_02 9:48

So is it is the goal of it to um have them experience it, um, test it, and then almost kind of be afraid, if you will, and then come back to the flock? Or is it that it's a test to see your true faith? Um and also with that, what are you allowed? Like, what are the boundaries within this period of spring up? Did I say that right? Yes, you do that. So what what's a no? Like is sex a no? I mean, what are the things that are like you can go out, but not too far?

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Um, sex is not off the table during this time. What there is a lot of sleeping around. There's a lot, there's more than what most people would think. Um there is there's even abortions that happen during this time. This is fascinating. I had no idea. And a lot of people don't know that, but because I am still so closely connected to a lot of Amish, I know that there's been there's been like pregnancies, unwanted pregnancies, you know, girls get themselves into these situations. Right. Um, nobody talks about it though. They don't have the tools. Nobody talks about it. You do not talk about it. I remember um growing up, I had a cousin who got pregnant before she was married, and it is the most hush-hush, like nobody actually talks about how she got pregnant or what happened. They just literally are like, they they are just they don't talk about it. There's just a baby now. It's just a baby now. So she's not gonna be able to do it. She's coming around with a bump on her belly, and it's like the parents, everybody's just like they embrace her though, they don't say anything about how this happened. But they do expect them to get married to the the guy, the father, the father, yes, for sure. That is definitely in the community. Um, that doesn't really happen. I don't think I've ever heard of that happening. Okay. To be honest, unless she herself would have left the community. Okay, like so they would both be probably. I've just never heard of that, honestly. So, what was the experience like for you?

SPEAKER_03 11:35

Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

That's a loaded question. I mean, now that I'm grown and I have perspective in the moment versus like your perspective in the rearview mirror.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

It was just very normal when I was growing up. I mean, everybody around me was living that way. So it was normal for me not to like I didn't know I was missing anything. And I would go out and catch tadpoles at the family pond. And it was like half a mile from the house, and my mom would just be in the house doing laundry and whatever. And my sister and I, my older sister and I, we were really close in age, and we would sometimes the neighbor boys would come over, we'd all play, we'd go, you know, catch doves in the top part of the rafters in our barn. And we just it was literally looking back, it was a perfect childhood. Like we didn't even, I was not aware of myself at all. Like I just I didn't know that I was a beautiful girl, I didn't know that I was anything. I was just a kid enjoying my life. And that's really, I feel like my whole life after that, I've been trying to get back to that, you know, that innocence. That like there was just so much innocence, and I want that for my kids too. But you know, that's like that's not the world we live in. Right. So there's been a huge perspective shift. And I think when I was in it, I had the same struggles as everybody else did, you know, wondering if I belong, do I matter? You know, the big questions that we all have. But there was no outside world really perspective at that time. So I've only gotten that, you know, since I my family left. Right. Um yeah, but you just don't have that perspective growing up. So, like to me, it was normal. Everybody lived like that. Right.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

And so how old were you? Is this when you were during your rum springer that you found music? And that was kind of like what kind of awoken you to that, or like what was kind of those steps of a of awakening of the world that was bigger than your community that you knew growing up?

SPEAKER_00 13:24

That came many years later. Okay. Okay, so I forgot to mention, so when my dad was on this journey to try and find truth, he did not want the rum springer thing. Why? Um he had found Jesus. Okay, so he was like, I don't want my children. This makes no sense. Like kind of the reaction you had a minute ago. Um, he was like, I don't get the point of this. Why would we do this if we're if we're our whole Christian belief is on this idea that we should be separate from the world, we should shelter our kids from the world, we should be like set apart. But then we're gonna just encourage them at a certain age to go sow their wild oats, like this makes no sense. And he and my mom were in the you know, 60s where it was even more like the parties were wild back then. Like Amish parties were wild. Really? We're talking Amish rooms. I mean, we're talking drugs, sex, all the things. Wow. It's not quite as much that way anymore. I will say that. But in their day, it was like, and I hear my dad came to pick up my mom on his Harley Davidson. Oh, she had her little mini skirt on. I hear. She would never admit to this. But my mom is still pretty conservative. I love you, mom. I can hear this. Um, she's still pretty conservative, so she's always like, she kind of blushes because we'll be like, Hey, mom, I heard that you and Dad. Um, my dad's not living anymore, so uh, rest his soul. Um, yeah, so I got off on a tangent there. No, this is bring me back. Bring me back. Where were we?

SPEAKER_02 14:53

Um talking about kind of your experiences through your rumspringer and music. And music and just the awakenings of when you started to realize that there was a world that was bigger than your community.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Okay. So I never did the rumspringer. Oh, okay. So my dad took the whole family and we left around this time when I was 10, 10 years old. We moved to Pennsylvania. He had gotten, he had gotten word, he had, you know, there's just like the whole Mennonite Amish community, it's all intertwined. Everybody knows everybody. And so he had found this church group that really just resonated with him because they were also seeking truth and they were also like, this isn't what we want for our kids. And so there was a lot of ex-Amish that were kind of joining this church, and um it turned out to be a very oh, it was it was just not based on good things. But I mean, I think the intentions were okay in the beginning, but it turned out to be pretty much a cult. Um, and so my family moved there and I think this was in 1990. And that then that began kind of like the second half of my life that was more, I would say could be more compared to like a Mennonite culture. Okay. And that's a little different. So we drove a car, we had electricity, but we were also part of this very conservative, in some ways more conservative than the Amish. Um, they were extremely hard on women. Women you could not show your elbows, like they would teach against like if you show your ankles or your elbows, like that can make a man stumble. Like, you know, I mean, it was just, it was so far and how you look at a man, right? Oh yes, if you use your eyes too much. I got in trouble for that all the time because I'm such an expressive person. Um, so in that church group, we were very much as as women and girls and children, you were not uh you didn't have a say. Like you didn't you did not have a say in what happens to you or anything. Fortunately, my dad was a very soft-hearted man. I have uh heard uh horror stories from people who were also grew up in that, and it was terrible, terrible. Yes. And if you've read my book, you know that there was some of that in my home as well. My parents definitely bought into some of the beliefs and the um yeah, the damaging theology that basically in a nutshell, it's you have to break a child's will. I know it's really sad. Um and the children and women are to submit to the man. The man is the leader of the home, you do as he says. And uh again, uh my dad just happened to be a soft-hearted person. I love him, and he was very regretful later that he was so he had really made the church and the leaders like his idol. Like it was like we're gonna please them at the end, and it came at the cost of his children. He was a wonderful dad most of my growing up, but then we joined that church and it was like I don't know, just he just yeah, he really bought it. Yeah, he really tried to fit in and to be have that ideal family because the ideal family in that cult was you sit in church for the whole three hours. I mean, these little kids. And if they didn't sit still at even one year's one year old, they would be taken out of the service and you would hear them getting abused. Yes. Oh my gosh. This is the kind of stuff. I mean, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

And you were at what age during this period of your life?

SPEAKER_00 18:27

Um, so I would have been this was like from 10 to all the way. Well, so then we moved back to Ohio in that time frame, but we still were a part of a another church that was a sister. Yes, it was a sister, so it was all in the same umbrella church. Right. And um, I was saying until I was 17 that was the that was the culture and yeah, that I was in.

SPEAKER_02 18:49

At what point were you starting to question? I mean, I know that you saw the the difference between your family life and your dad in the early years and the transition as part of the influence of this new cultish church, right? And just the the changes that were coming about. Is that when you started to kind of question what is this about? Why am I here? Like, what were some of those early moments of like, huh? Like what what's happening and the questioning?

SPEAKER_00 19:10

I feel like I did that from when I was like, you know, when my dad first left the Amish. I think I think I was already then I was questioning like and we visit like churches, and I was already then thinking, like, there's gotta be more. There's gotta be more out there.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

And I just was always like right.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

And I mean, there was a point where I literally was wishing I could do what my cousins were doing, where they just had the freedom to at that time and their the age of their in their lives where they could go and explore and try something different. I would be so jealous of them because my cousins the same age as me were like living their best life. They were like, you know, they were having freedom, they were cutting their hair, the girls were wearing wearing makeup. And so definitely by the time I got to like 14, 15, I became self-aware and I became like, why can I not, you know, like if I'm if I'm this but I'm just supposed to cover it up all the time, like wait, this doesn't make sense. Like this is how God made me, but yet I can't be this. Right. So that's when I would say around 13, 14 is when I really started to question, like, what uh this doesn't make sense. And I would ask my dad all the time. I would ask him like the most uh deep hard questions, and he would be like, Well, I mean, this is just what we believe the Bible teaches, and I'd be like, but where? Like, show me and he did usually have in his defense, he did usually have scriptures for it, but then I'd be like, but what about this other scripture though? Because I mean by that point I knew the scripture, right? And I was like, but what about this? You don't you don't pay any attention to this verse over here?

SPEAKER_02 20:44

So you're intelligent and you're curious, yeah, right, which I'm sure probably challenged a lot of this conservative belief in this new church that you were in, right? Right. Wow. So then as you became an older teen, so walk us through that period of kind of those moments, those relationships that kind of woke you to new experiences, love, right? And then um I believe also when you can kind of walk us through the period of of and tell me moving to Colorado and um the church, I think, asking you to leave, right? So can you kind of walk us through that transition of your life?

SPEAKER_00 21:16

Yeah, so basically I think I was 18 when I was we were in we were living in Ohio and you know you're not excellent. Yes. Um we were not allowed to women were not really, they didn't leave the home until they got married. So you would just like kind of hope that you're you know, you get married to a great guy, and you that's your out. You know, that's your if you're if you're if you didn't like your home life, that was like your only out. Um but I had this plan in my head. I was just like, I'm gonna run away. Like this is this is not what I want. My younger brother, who's just younger than me, he and I were always kind of the rebels of the family. He was more outspoken than I was. I would just kind of be a quiet, like I would. Quietly just think to myself, like one of these days, I'm just gonna fly the coup. Well, my parents were so ingrained in this this culture by then that they were like, This is a problem. Like, Ruthie is she is like talking about all this stuff, and it's worldly, and we don't want her to go out into the world. So they clamped down even harder, which made me even more and so there was literally a point where I snuck out with a guy one night and we didn't do anything. We literally went to see a movie, and he had come from the same background and he knew I was just dissatisfied at that point. I was probably 17 by that time. So I was like, I mean, I was fine. I wasn't, you know, I wasn't doing anything crazy, but I left the house kind of late at night. It wasn't the middle of the night, but it was late, and you know, everybody else I thought was in bed. My sister was sleeping downstairs in the same room, and um she I guess she told on me at some point. My dad was like, Where's she? I know it's just oh my gosh, I've given her so much grief since then because I'm like, What like did you have to though? She might have done you a favor. So I came back and my dad had locked all the doors. The downstairs door that I had left through wasn't locked. And I was like, shit, uh-huh, I'm in trouble. Because he knows if the door is locked, he knows. And I had to climb up on the rafters to the balcony. It was like probably 10 feet. Oh I had to like climb up because I thought, okay, well, surely he didn't lock that door because like he probably didn't think that I would do that. Right. Oh no, my dad was inside the door. He just, I guess, was watching me climb up the rafters like a fool and and get to the top. And he was just, my dad didn't say a word. I I don't to this day, I do not know what happened because I was expecting like he would bust out the Bible, you know, and like tell me all the reasons. My dad was not like mean-spirited or anything like that. He truly wanted me to be like a godly woman, right? At that age, so I was expecting him. Not for me. Okay. My brother was still getting it, but uh not for me. Um, he kind of insinuated once that he would uh maybe that he should just spank it out of me, basically, because he had gotten that advice from someone. Sure. And I looked at him straight in the face and I said, If you touch me, you will never see me again. I was old enough to be like, you no, no, no, you cannot touch me. Did he unlock the door? Yeah, he unlocked the door, he unlocked the door and he just let me in. We like I don't even know if I made eye contact with him. He just let me in. I went straight upstairs to my room where I normally sleep because I had just slept down in the downstairs room with my sister because I wanted to that was the plan. So I went up to my actual room and I never we never talked about it again. Never, it never came up, nothing. I just was like, okay, I guess that's it. And that was actually almost more punishment. Totally, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:55

Than if he would have the disappointment versus anger.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

Yes, yeah, right. I it was the disappointment versus anger, um, because I just wanted him to be almost like be angry with me. That would have made it easier. Yeah. I would have been like, okay, I get it. I messed up. Like, yeah, but the disappointment, it was like there was no words for it. I know. So um, that was the beginning of my troubles with my parents, where they were just very concerned about me. And they had heard of a family in Colorado who was also part of this church group. Um, they kind of took in kids like me, and they had a the the dad had a heart for kids that were kind of like in the Mennonite culture and were troubled or like causing problems or whatever. Yeah. So I moved out they sent you away. Yes. My parents basically gave me two options, and the one was the one option was kind of vague, but I knew what they were talking about because I had heard about this place, and it's like this place where you go and there's fences and there's like you can't get out, and they like I've since I have since heard about these places, and not that long ago there were still some going where I mean they basically like abuse you to get church run, church managed kind of juvie.

SPEAKER_02 26:14

Yeah, juvie, church juvie.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

Yeah, I'm not familiar. What is that? Juvie.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

Um like a juvenile determined too.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

Oh, okay, gotcha. Yeah. Um, yeah, so I obviously chose the family. I was like, I'll take the family out. And we knew the family. Okay. We had met them, and they seemed like a nice family. So I was like, I'll take that. Like, no questions asked. So they basically sent me to Colorado to get better.

SPEAKER_03 26:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Um, and but that was really the start of where I my world was expanded. And there's something about even though they were still a part of the bigger sister church, they were a sister church of the bigger um organization, they were definitely a little bit more liberal in some things. And so like we would go skiing, you know. For instance, we would go skiing or we would do we would go to rodeos or things like that. Like it was a little bit more lenient. So it was a good thing? Mostly until it wasn't. Okay. Um, until I left the church. Well, leading up to me leaving the church, um, that leadership here in Colorado, it was in Loveland. Um, they uh decided that I was not a good influence in the and I mean I'm 21 by this point, uh or 20, I don't know, 20, 21 years old. Um and they just had issues with me. Like I could not be a normal normal girl. I couldn't go out. I was seen with a man with this boy that I had just hitched a ride, a friend that was also in the church. I had hitched a ride with him to Fort Collins, and they made a big stink about it. It was like they came and visited our home and talked to me, and I mean it was just this whole thing, like, we don't like how you are hanging out with boys and all this stuff. And I mean, called me, it said I had a heartless spirit, and at one point, this is when it really was like light bulb for me. This is when the the straw that broke the camel's back. Um, they had my dad and I come to a minister's meeting at the church, and I was in this room. I was the only woman, the only girl. My dad was one of the men, and not a single one stood up for me. They all just shit on you. Um and my dad didn't say anything, but he didn't stand up for me. Because he's also feeling the shame, too, right? Yeah, and they were bringing up everything they could think of, and I kept saying, like, well, what do you mean? What do you mean? What is what is wrong with my spirit?

SPEAKER_01 28:28

I don't justify yourself, like, or defend yourself? There was no justification.

SPEAKER_00 28:32

They brought up how they just did not like my spirit. Well, you can't, there's no defense for that. You can't change your spirit. So it's like a verbal stoning. Yes, right. And they just annihilated my character that night, and my dad sat there and didn't say anything. Did you cry? And when he on the way home, he had tears coming down his cheeks. And it crushed me. And I thought, you know what? First of all, I can't keep doing this to my dad. Right. Because I could see that he didn't want to be in that situation, but he had bought in to like these. So he was so conflicted. These are the right people that we need to be like they're on the right track. So I need to please them. But then I have these daughters who are beautiful and just like guys. Right, right. We just like guys. Yeah. What's so wrong about that? But so it was good, right?

SPEAKER_02 29:15

Because he loved you. He also had his upbringing, which was not this conservative cult, right? But also as part of this community now and dealing with the reflection on him. And he thought he was doing the right thing.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

Yeah. Yeah. He did. He really did. And I think that's the thing, the perspective I have now. Um, his heart was good. He just got really lost in the fray of like these these are the people that we we left the Amish for this, you know, like we left our family and community behind for this. And so there was also probably a little bit of martyrdom, like, yeah, I'm gonna go down with this ship. Yeah, right, right. So my dad was a little bit of a martyr sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

When they told you there at that meeting, that was when they kind of said, you need to go, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

And so what what what happened after that? So then I had several conversations with my parents, and my dad was kind of riding the fence a little bit, like, well, I can see where they're coming from, and I think there's just been some things that concern them, and he was kind of taking their side in essence. But then um, I would stay home from church after that. Like and he took the family. I think the next Sunday he took, or maybe he took like a a break from it that Sunday, just because he was like, I I don't think he wanted to come right out and say, like, hey, this is really hurtful to my family. I'm not gonna go to this church. So he thought it was the right thing to do to just like stay loyal and go. And so he had told me at one point, he said, I don't, I don't feel good going to church without you. Like, I I don't like it, and I I don't think we're gonna go for a little bit. That lasted only like one Sunday, and then they were right back the next Sunday. Oh, right, the influence. And that was when I was like, Okay, I'm done. Yeah, my dad is still choosing these people over me, his daughter, his daughter's heart. He knows my heart. He knows I had just come clean of everything I knew to repent of. And I was so open to them. I was so like, tell me what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I still wanted to please them. Yeah. And they just it just was impossible at that point. So I called up a friend.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

Yes, spirit was garbage.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

I know, I can't I yeah, I couldn't fix that. Um and so I called up a friend who had already left the church. She was living in Fort Collins, she was going to school, her and her husband lived in Fort Collins, and I just called her up and I said, I can't do it anymore. Come get me. And she was like, Okay, I'm sending my husband up. He's gonna come up and get you. And I think we planned it for like, I think this might have been on a Thursday or Friday or something. And then they picked me up on a Sunday when my family was at church. And we literally broke through a barbed wire fence on our way out. What? That I forgot was there. I forgot to tell him that I was there. So I always joke that I just broke fences. Yeah, like I broke through fences, literally. Um, we didn't mean to, but we did. Um, and that's kind of the story of my life. It's like, yeah, I'm always breaking through fences ever since then. So fascinating.

SPEAKER_02 32:00

Okay, so then you left. Were you paralyzed in terms of like what next, or was this kind of a freeing of like, okay, I'm broke down the barbed wire. Now I'm out of freedom, right? I'm out of it. So I'm sure it was a mix of a lot of it though.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

It was a lot of emotions, and I did feel that freedom for sure. Um, and then it like reality hit the fan, and I was like, oh shoot, I gotta get a job. I gotta like make it in this world, I gotta pay rent now. Like, I don't have my mom cooking for me, and my family they didn't reach out to me during this time. It was just like they didn't know what to do with me, and I think they were hurt too. And later we all reconciled, and I I came back and I, you know, apologized for the way I had I mean years. It was like yes, it was after I had been married and we kind of like got all our things on the table. I had a good talk with my dad. I told him how that hurt me when he was he didn't stick up for me when it counted. I really needed him to stick up for me that time. And he was so he cried and he said, I'm so sorry. I was between a rock and a hard place. I know it doesn't matter now, but like I just really I mean, it still makes me emotional when I think about him. Um did they end up leaving? Yes, I mean eventually they did leave that church and it kind of actually fell apart. Yes, it actually felt it fizzled in the the the Colorado part of it, fizzled. Um there's still segments of it uh across the country that are still like very much holding to the but the leader of that church was actually before he died, he made this massive statement and said how he was wrong. He hurt so many people in the thing that he was doing, the the ideology that he had, which he thought was good and right at the time, but he said, I know I harm people. How rare totally I know, right? So rare. And I'm actually still good friends with his kids, some of his kids. They're like the same age as me, and they are incredible, incredible human beings. And they had it just as bad in their home. And I mean, it was terrible for them because not only were they being abused and and in the system, they were also seeing how the world was idolizing their their father's uh uh ideology, their his theologies that were harming them. So it's like, you know, I mean, it's a whole thing. I I honestly I want someone to do a documentary about this specific group. It was called charity, and I just now call them the charityites, but they never wanted to be called anything. That's the thing. They never wanted to be called Mennonite, they didn't want to be called anything, and it was like so ambiguous. It was it was like this group of people that were mostly from Amish Mennonite, but then they were also attracting these people from the world that were tired of being, you know, their kids, they were concerned for their kids. And unfortunately, it attracted a lot of abusive men that were already needing a reason to abuse their children. They were needing a scriptural biblical justification for how they wanted to abuse their children.

SPEAKER_03 34:59

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 35:00

So now when you have it coming across the pulpit that you need to break the child's will, we even had an illustration at one time. My sister reminded me of this. I had almost forgotten. He literally brought his son up to the front and he demonstrated how you need to spank a child off. This is the kind of really dark things that happened.

SPEAKER_01 35:18

How to spank them to hurt them or how to spank them to break their will. To break their will. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 35:24

So I mean, these spankings were were not just like a few swats. These were like forever. You're not you're not sitting for a while. No. Yeah. I mean, there was definitely marks and bruises. And I mean, so this was this was the stuff that you know we that I had to later on, I had to really um deal with.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

Yeah, work through.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

But when I left, coming back to that, uh, so I got a waitressing job, which was probably the most obnoxious uh way to enter into the real world. Yeah. I mean, like not in sleeping. And I was you know, and by then I'm I am 21. I'm like, I should know these things, but I would literally come home and cry myself to sleep that night because I didn't know what they were talking about. Oh like they would have all these slang words for like you know, maybe like sleeping with a girl or whatever, like even just I didn't know what the words were. Right. I didn't know what they meant. And I would just cry because I'd be like, yeah. So I would just cry because I'm like, I don't know. I feel so lost. I don't, I don't know their language. I had a completely different framework for my life by that point. You know, I grew up, I'm hanging clothes on the line for my mom, you know, just like last week. And then they're all talking about TV shows. They're talking about culture that I had zero.

unknown 36:43

Right.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

I can't imagine how overwhelming that would be.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

But you're really bad at trivia.

SPEAKER_00 36:47

I am, I am, yes, I am. Thank you for seeing me and thank you for not asking me too many trivia questions. Like people will be like, what's that 70s show that was whatever? And I'm like, I have no clue. I literally don't even I barely knew about friends until I was like 40, you know? Oh goodness.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

Yeah, I just well, this is such a great kind of a foundation summary for the first part of your life because I'd like to then transition the next part into your life thereafter and then the evolution of your book. So I think we'll take a pause here and do our traditional wrap it up. Yes, and then we'll kick off part two. Can't wait. Yeah, well, and we've got to do um did you mind do bubble up, bubble down? Okay, yes. We have to do in our tradition for our podcast, a bubble up and bubble down, something that was good that happened to you this week, recently, and also something that was maybe a little bit challenging. Just we like to think of things and balance, right? So, okay, so Ruthie, kick it off. What was something good that happened to you this week or recently?

SPEAKER_00 37:39

I have to think about it a little bit. Oh, so many good things lately. I would say one of the best things, it was also a challenging thing for me, um, was my youngest son learned how to swim. And I have had trauma around uh swimming when I was a little girl. My cousin drowned. Oh gosh. Um, 18 months old, he drowned in the in their farm watering trough. Oh and it left such a trauma. You know, I was so young, I couldn't unreal. So my whole life I have been terrified of letting my kids go to the pool. Well, last week I took my kids to the pool three times and my youngest learned how to swim on his own. I mean, I have gone to swim lessons, I have put him in swim lessons, I have done all the things, I have just, you know, let myself try to like release, you know, my fear of it. And I just that happened last week. So that was such a good level. It was just amazing.

SPEAKER_02 38:33

I would say that's great. I love the full circle. Me too. Because you're facing trauma and your past and unbracing it, overcoming it, and then seeing your child thrive. Yeah, and he was having so much fun.

SPEAKER_00 38:43

He was just diving in under the water and like a fish, and I thought, this is this is this is this is where it's at. This is when your work pays off.

SPEAKER_01 38:50

Success. You did it.

SPEAKER_02 38:51

Jen? Okay, so we came off of spring break last week, and my bubble up is that instead of going on a trip or doing anything fun, we said, you know what, let's do a staycation, stay at home, and do something that makes us feel good. So we spent the entire week refinishing all the furniture that we hate in our bedroom. Yeah. So we repainted everything, and it just feels so good. It feels like a whole remodel. We did it a project together, which was really fun. And to like step away from it, we're like, oh, I love this space. It looks so good. So it's fun when you can see the product. Yeah, the product of your of your work. And we worked very well together, so it wasn't like you know, the projects were like, God damn it, like this one. You know, wall very like in sync on it, and it just it feels so good to look at it. It makes us so happy. Bubble down is I'm just like getting over this illness that I got at the end of my project. Yeah. So anyway, coming out of it. So better now.

SPEAKER_01 39:35

Yeah. All right, Lindsay, what's you? Yeah, I um I we also had spring break, so we went out and visited um grandma and grandpa out in Arizona. And um, it was good. It's fun now that my kids are a little bit older. Um, like they travel so much better. It's so much better than little kids. Yeah, it's just and like, and I I feel so bad because I'll sit and judge all the other parents with like toddlers and they're like, you know, trying to manage, and one's holding a baby in the carrier, and I'm like, ha ha. But um it was just yeah, we had a great trip and um it was fun to spend some quality time with the fam. Um but bubble down, um, getting back this week, getting back into the rhythm of school and work and all that stuff is always such a challenge coming off a week-long break, you know. So it's it's been a bit of a bumpy road, but yeah, but yeah, we're getting there. So I get that.

unknown 40:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

Yeah, make sure to listen for our next episode where it's part two with Ruthie. Thanks for hanging out with us today on Shaken and Unfiltered. Don't forget to follow the podcast wherever you listen so you never miss an episode. We'd love for you to like, share, and drop a comment on our socials. You can find us at shake and unfiltered. And if you want more fun, head over to our YouTube channel for drink demos and extended podcast content. And Ruthie, before we leave this episode, can you just share if anyone wants to reach out to you? What would be the best way to do that?

SPEAKER_00 40:40

Yes, you can find me on most social platforms as Ruthie Gale. That's R-U-T-H-I-E, G-A-Y-L-E.com. Um, that's my socials, and then I also have a website, RuthieGale.com.

SPEAKER_01 40:54

Perfect. All right, until next time, keep it shaken and always unfiltered. Cheers. Cheers, cheers.

SPEAKER_02 41:05

You've been listening to Shaken and Unfiltered with Jenna Lindsay. Catch every episode wherever you get your podcast and join in the conversation on social at shaken unfiltered for strong drinks and stronger opinions. We'll see you next round. Cheers.