Counseling for Healing and Well-being with Dr. Violeta Bautista | Marriage is a Marathon S2 EP. 2

Doc Bolet on why help matters, roots of marital wounds, and practical counselling insights.

📖 Inspired by Marriage Is a Marathon by Anthony Pangilinan and Maricel Laxa-Pangilinan 
🛒 Get a copy of the book and workbook: https://linktr.ee/shop.apg
🌐 Discover more at anthonyandmaricel.com

🎬 Produced by Mediaworks

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Pero Filipino kang naring nila yung sa li tang mental. Satanin nila. It has to do with having terring dysfunction, psychological disturbance, angent health. Ai hindi la mang luxury ng manga Mayaman. Pero karapatan ng bangwat Filipino. Ang mgaga sawang matino at magaleng. Da pat hindi humi ni ng tulong salabas.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Hi, I'm Anthori Pangilinan.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

And I'm Barisa Laksa Pangilinan.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

And this is Marriage is a Marathon.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

The podcast season two.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Ang ating guest kan yon I see Doctora Bolet Bautista. One of the most respected family therapists and wellness practitioners. I too pusing bansa. Ang pa go sa papuna.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Counseling.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Amarami allergic sa counseling. Pero da pat ka yung makining kase eto ang legit na counselor. Okay? Professor emeritus nag UP Department of Psychology. That's right. And then Director Emeritus. Yes. Of the UP Dileman Psychosocial Unit. Ta maba. Services. Services. It's the social services. Pono psych tayo today.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Basta kailan muela na counselling, coaching, andabakayba no sa mentoring, chaka seeking advice. Well, well, well. Sibula nanaten. Please welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Marriages Amarathon. Dr. Bollet Bautista.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Hey. Salaam. Dahil alam na mina bisi n bsi pokayo.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

Salamat. It's been so many years. We've been together in ministry. You know, in the work that we do in the church, outside the church. Yes. Ang sarab maggi taule.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Nahomi nan tulong.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Yeah, you've been our therapist for like decades. Ay na ko.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Pero hindi sa natural, hindi sa normal para sa iba. Baket baket badok ka ilang natin ng counseling. Wa numa nan awagjan.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

Idi shampre, uh meron kaseng professional counselling. Meron ng lay counseling. Yung lay counselling na man. Gina gawa natin. So pang aro aro na buha. Hindi ba, kazil hat na mg ngata o may pi nag dada anan. Atang pinag dada anan hindi na mg laggi problema. Ampinag dada da anan ma a ring mga hamon, adong da ga wing ko. Itu bong traba hung itu ang tatangapin ko, o mga aproda ko.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

So hindi lang sa problem ma. It's not just problems, it's challenges, it's options, it's decisions. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

And every person, not only every couple, would need to have an opportunity to open up and listen to other people, uh, give them different perspectives. Or perhaps min san ang katanung hindi papa no ku na wainito. Pero ano ang mga skills, competencies na pedikung gamitin, na hindi kupa na gaga game, tindi kupa na explore. And that's true for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Saka yang gagaling yung yung trauma nayon or yung tahot na yon? Parang. Ay ng papa counseling sha. Where do you think did that come from?

SPEAKER_02 3:33

Basically, tama.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Where do you think that's a counsel?

SPEAKER_02 3:39

I agree with you, no. Once upon a time, anlakas ng is stigma na yan. Pero nowadays it's beginning to be less and less. Kasi, counseling is associated with uh mental illness. Okay man mental illness. Oh, seeking mental health. Pero on Pilipino, pang narin ng nila yung salitang mental sa tangin nila. It has to do with having terri ring, dysfunction, psychological disturbance, which is not necessarily.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Oh, ma dipendante poka nana sa mental hospital.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

My problem malaki yang. Pero actually, Doctor Doctor Bollet is also the proponent of the mental health bill, di bapo. Yes. So you formed this because now we have an awareness about the mental health of people that needs to be addressed.

SPEAKER_02 4:33

Atalagang na pa kahaabang panahoon yung pag advocate for mental health. Groupu yan? Generate across generations. So finally, in 2018, we were able to pass the bill kami runa tang mental health law. So don't si na sahabina tin. Ang mental health, I hindi la mung luxury ng mgayaman. Pero karapata ng bawat Pilipino.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Andabasha, when you say mentally health yang santao, na ibsabinun.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

Mung da no, na no salamat so pak data nung munganyan. Ki sa unusual na pagisi p ngga Pilipino. Mental health is simply the absence of mental illness. Mental health is about well-being. Having a life that is maginhawa, at nakaka ginhawa. Where you are put together. You feel good. You're able to actualize your potential. Deal with the normal and special stress hours of life. And then of course contribute meaningfully to society.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Doc na isimku nkepach Adams. Nkepach Adams. Habina the role of the doctor is not just to prevent death, but to improve the quality of life.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

Ay na bong da nama. No, oh, definitely. Yano. It's to facilitate well-being on tawag na mindu. Kasingga takuta mga Filipino sa mental health to facilitate jinhawa.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

I love the word ginhawa. It's a Filipino term that relates with the mind and the body. And the whole being of being light. Ganidawa.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

Saktung sakto yon, Marisel. Jinhawa is about ga an. Sigla. Gana sabu ay. And then don't forget, ligaya. Ligaya.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Bago tayo ma punta saginhawa. Atapos baang end goal natin a ligaya. Pano bayun. Pa no yung sequence nun. Ainaman sha developmental.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

Kasi latiang pedi pumaso kat any time.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

Oh, o. Nibanim chronological succession, progression, dina mangan nona.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Yeah, those four dimensions of well-being reminds us na angginhawa is about totality. Sigla. Okay. No? Ghana. Gana hindi lang sap gayin. Ghana sa buhay. Ghana sa pakik pa gwapa. Sapang chika.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

Ghana?

SPEAKER_02 7:23

Gaan. Kayun. Uh oh. Gaang magak magdala ngbuhai. Dimba kitang kita na mankayo. Magaang magdala ngbuhay magasawa.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

Merung rinamang. Most of the time. Not last night.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

Uh tita kayu. Merung gaan sa isong gaan rin man sa ugnaya. The the people we'd like to work with and be with are people na maga an. Dibba. And then of course yung ligaya. Na pakala wak nun from senseate pleasure. Ah, ansarab ng kap. Ligaya yon diba. Sensei. Kasama ring zen. Sex in diba. Oh. Pero ando rinaman yung ligaya na na da mamo pak nakita muna ang special samwan mo. Diba, ligaya rinaman, pagnalaman muna, anno ang direction ng buhay mo. A me sari saring lalim lawak ad dama angri gay. Lalim lawak ad dama.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Baket my kakulangan. Why is there a lack of all of that? Bakit. Bat naraam dama natin yon. Anong anung Well in the first place.

SPEAKER_03 8:40

Ugat nun.

SPEAKER_02 8:41

First place, it's part of being human.

SPEAKER_03 8:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

Pa uka, so hindi ka pa kompleto at certain point in your life. No? So kina kailang kang mag evolve. Kailang kang maggrow? So with growth, natutu ka, na ng kakar wang ka ng perspectives, ng skills, ka mas la lu kang gumiginhawa. Okay. Pero j'embre, ang well being, hindi lang na mg determine ng ko anyunang yang yari sakal o ba na natin. Hindi lang naman determine ng ating genetics, ng ating personality. Determined ri na mata u sa ating palinged. So hung nan dung kasa familia na toxic. Problema do tayo saginhawa. Hung nung kasa trabalha na difficult ang kasama mo. At saka bully ang bosmo.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

So environment.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

Environment ran. Kasa m narinja ng kultura. Kasa man narin jang guberno, that bigger kind of environment.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

What have you seen are the biggest issues of marriage today? Samaga na ko kung sulta, na kokun sulta sayo. What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 9:53

Almo baga unang da ting sa yo, ano ngga sina saabi no, hirapga y mga uusa, pion madal sumarine communication, at saka ano in los na minha, madala srin yan sa mga Pilipino, no.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

Agna surfaceless.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

Yeah problems lang yan. May malalim. When you come to think of it, at the very heart of these problems, you ng issue ng uh lack of security, sa pae big, sa pag mamahal. Na ang katanung nah ki ta mu pa ba ako. Do you still see me? Do I still matter in your life? Am I still important and valuable? At the heart of many of these issues is the issue of security law. So merun si lang.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

I am not appreciated. I am not of am I still of value?

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Oh, si lang saguti natanong. Oh, isang malaking problem.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Kasi kunga no kamang ise. Then everything that you see will add to that, diba. We'll reinforce that every day, no? So nan dun se la nahul lang ho, ndina ko sapat, yo. Yeah, okay. And then all of these things come up.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

So it'ssues kasi ba ing galing salungmo, ma ring galing sa relationship, no, ma ring galing salabasin yo. So hung lug, n bakadala ng mga issues na dala dalamo la bata ka pa. Na trauma ka, na abuse ka, ndi ba, okaya mi rung kang genetic predisposition for certain habits and emotionality. Eh marriage is also a dance. If marriage is a marathon, isang metaphor. Marriage is also a dance. Oh, I like that. Hindi ba. Marun kara marathon. I I don't believe that. Wang feeling kop, kayana kaka problema ren. Pakindita marun omindak atsu mayao, kasama ng kating partner. And it takes skills to be able to do that. It takes certain attitudes to be able to flow with the music, kindi ba?

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Yeah, ng ka it sa bim malin bawa na hindi ka marunang. Susubu kan mo.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

Okay, pa na wumaho kung bin sa. Ang isang couple. Well let's say isadun sa dalawa. Na me pa kasa pa. Kasi marami na gi sep, wa la na na. Kundi ba hindi na naming, sinu bouka na na min, you know, ay naho kum me asawa kang kagaya na asawa ko. This this sense of hopelessness that they won't even ask for help.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Ah, that's true. Namo saating cultura, and da ng peding lapitan for counseling. Counseling. Uh oh, lei. And that's good. Hindi ba anjen ng pastur nyo, anjen ang bosmo, anjan ang titamo, ang godmother musakasal, ni ng ni nung. And that's good. Kalang yung professional counseling. They eventually they come to us. But kam la kin na problem.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

Bakit nyga ng dok, bakit bakit nga kasi hindi si la maka tawag ng counselor, na professional counselor, ka agad, parama agapan. You know, we have certain meats.

SPEAKER_02 13:06

Paniwala na wala na mang a logical basis. O hindi na mantalaga when you come to think of it, grounded on reality. So limbawa, meat fiune, irrational belief, na ang maga wang matino at magaling, da pat hindi hung hing yin ng too long salabas. Oh oh Pilipino hung meong kang dangal, hindi mu inilalabasang yung baho. So an ting in nila, ang problema ibaho.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

That's not true. So mi sandina na ka too long ang tradition. Kom min sandina no. Amahi in kutawa geno. Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

Papa nung muna mal malalama na tama yung counsellor na. Pin nun tahan mo. Talagang kung professional counsellor ka ilang mo. Pana mung malalama. Anu yung mga guidelines na pued di nating ibi gay sa mga tao. Para makaha nap ng ta mang counsellor.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Na paha langarin manda langyon. Ki se pweding fly by night, mg uha mono no, chem preng yon me licensing na. Me licen sha.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

So in di ibig se bina kata po sha ng ysang libro na ka attention ng seminar. Counselor na sha.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

Basa lang libro nga attend ng sang seminar overnight, adun na sha coach na. Yun ng challenge ka.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

La trenan lakas ng loko bindi ba. You dealing with people's lives. Ba kita pos pin mokha ya kuya.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

Ni wa na ng walang training. So ano anka ilangan ni lang hana pin parama lama ni la na legit itong counseling. Oh, kung professional counselling, shampre kinakalang mea rungsa.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

Like sensa. O uh, kung mahira pang problem mo di hanuk kanang clinical psychologist or psychiatrist, no. Bangal wa shampre gustum kina hana murin yung ugnaya na sakaka relashon. You want uh a mental health professional na may pa galang. Antin sa yo, hindi object. Mm-hmm. Uh an tinsa yo hindi lang sakyet.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

Hindi case number 32.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

That's right. You really say things so well. Exactly. Hindi ba na pa hang da non. Atra to sa yo, kapwa ta' o.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

I love it. Pero sa ang nahana pin.

unknown 15:24

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

Mang mga counselor naganito.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

Ah, merun na mang mga. Merun ng. Ang mga gang nga yon. Kasi the internet provides you with uh options, alternatives, pa sain moren, a mga credentials, at pa, and then you could go shopping na man. Kya lang min san mhalang mg shopping. Piting pag naka usap mo, baikita mo me ka ibahan. And that's what get people to continue to see you. Ki se lam nila, ay iba am pahi ki pa uusap ko sa kanya, sa pa hai ki paag uusap ko sa ketita, sa aking guidance counselor. And then because you feel this is different, na raam dhaman mo me competence. Na competence is very good nindi lang ma ba eat no. Kina kala na raam dhaman mo ta alam nyang ginaga wang.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Mer nabasa from uh Larry Crab. Uh Christian psychologist. Yeah, one of the most important people in your lives are friends, good friends, who know how to listen.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Na pa ka important dawden nyo sa mahu gut natin problem nat isabohi. So indiga makaha na professional counsellor at the moment, but sa my tuna na kaibiga na marunung makini. Could you comment on that?

SPEAKER_02 16:40

You said it right. We now I'm not sure about my statistics outdated na. But to a certain extent, I think we only have 600 or so psychiatrists and uh maybe 2,000 or even less clinical psychologists and maybe 3 to 4,000 guidance counselors. And what's the population of uh in the Philippines?

SPEAKER_01 17:06

120, 130 naha.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

So miski makita musila m sila. So one of the things that we're doing is training people uh to provide healthy psychosocial support. In other words, be a good friend. To such an extent pedding magbu ka sa yo, pedding maki tasha, she can be seen, she will know the person would no longer be invisible, and then the person could talk to you about their problems, and then ma tino tulu anrinamen, kung para identify ang red flags. A ni yung sakwentun nila, na ma aring hindi kaya ng friend friends.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

Like for example, anu puyung mga top three red flags na nakita nyo, especially in a marriage situation.

SPEAKER_02 17:58

Um, red flags k se, uh pag ka nakikita mo hindi problemas, pero psychiatric clinica.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Okay, so yeah. Uhango mutin.

SPEAKER_02 18:11

Basically, you know. So hindi na yun para sa lei samo hai bigan. Pero in the context of marriage, uh nahita mion pag ka as a friend going to you. Ah, magalin ka ngwang, magalin ka nawang bigay ng to goon atlandas para umayos angbuhainila, pero bang nahikita mw pa uit uulet.

SPEAKER_04 18:41

Pattern.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

Mingen muna ng li bro. Mina sa na man. Pero it doesn't seem to help. No, paulit ulet.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Spiral.

SPEAKER_02 18:56

Uh oh, at ang paglala naikita mo aina ho, na wawa la na ng respeto. Atsa ka worse, ng kakao nag problem with safety. You don't feel safe anymore in the relationship. Atsa naikita mo pa ng na wa wala nan ng interest. Na luta si ng problema ng.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Na na pa ng solu son diba.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Oh, oh, wala ng pa.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

Indifferent na. I must grab it. Masumu pain galite kasa sa indifferent. Agree with you.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Pang ka indifferent na yung ta'o. Ibik se bi na wala na ng pagasa.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Cynical lasa.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

Ula na itasa talk to the hand. I don't care anymore. And worse, it's not simply, I don't care. Pero yung me contempt. Pag toing my kita mo, feeding mw ngung murung ng kan kalam nan.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

How have you dealt with that? You know, Marisel and we were asking ourselves, ano kayang pina kamatitin ding kaso. Kaso. Or cases that you can.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

Pakam yeah, si gurung stop filling. Sapula.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Mula pangalang shempre.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

Shembre.

SPEAKER_02 20:16

Shembre ma si guru mg dina dalana na sa amin. Ayung difficult cases na.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

Limba, what was one challenging case?

SPEAKER_02 20:23

Uh yung mga.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Na la mung hindi isolated na ya yari talagaito.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

Chino, it's uh uh yung isa very common yon na no, yung betrayal. Yung affair, infidelity, repeated na.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

Oh, hey. Nah.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Oh, I want out. Pero yung isa hindi pa. Yung bangalawa, mearung ang si hindi na sakit lang. Pero uh me peligruna. Me peligruna. Na the marital conflict is such that one spouse and sometimes both spouses become suicida.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Oo. Kampo punta sausina, paganyang.

SPEAKER_02 21:07

O oh. Suicida wa han chan. Shembre, mahira prenggung me violence. Me pananakit. Ang pananaket chempre, usually it's the male spouse. Pero me rung boy magasawa. Nananakit baba.

SPEAKER_04 21:26

Uh.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

Oh uh violence, uh pedirin na your partner uh is somebody that you cannot respect because he hurts people. He's an abuser. He's an offender. And what do you do with that? Yes. Hindi ba? Uh um Mayra pion. So me mga, my raprin yung mga mga sawa na pareum me dalang matin ding personality issue. No? Pare hoka yung me personality disorder. Yung isa narcissistic. Yung isa me borderline personality disorder.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

Eti Clash yung Ohto paciencia, processo, para honest.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Bago shempre ma ii intendi hamuk sino talaga ng sasabi nag mejo nasatama. Oh. You treat them as persons.

SPEAKER_02 22:35

Like the way we talk, na yon. Niba kinitong pa goose apnatin. That's how I talk to my clients. They come to me and I get to know them. And if they're in uh lively mood, then I match the mood where they are. Pagustunila direcho, go for the jugular. It then go for the jugular, but you get to know the person. Alam ni lakin nikila la musila.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

Alongisa pinaka fulfilling para sa yo. Na ka fulfe.

SPEAKER_02 23:05

Ay wara, eh.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

Anda e bawa lang, what did you go through? Paraly.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

But as mga sawa. Aing dina mg batang therapies no. Not really, you know? Okay. Oh. Mg saw zila wagetapus nine lasaki ng kai began ko affair. Repeated. But is glit yung misses, and then they're trying to work on their issue. They want uh the guy is after reconciliation. The woman does not know what to do. And then one night, nya m katulog, on gigising a kungaling arao, and then it occurred to me, I'm picking up something. I'm picking up na uh on the verge of suicide. Oh. So I told that to the relatives, and the relatives couldn't understand. And then saw sa bik, I feel. And sure enough. Wow. Attempt. And uh of course it was so painful, you know? And the other guy became because mahal nyang o sawanya. The truth is getting into an affair does not mean to say love your wife. Gan saki saka nya, no? Sabinya, I opened a Pandora's box. So it was a good motivation for him to do focus. Yes. So I was able to work with him, work with the wife. Sometimes ntawak don't tremor. You need tremors, intensity seven to rock the boat and get the people out of their status quo. Before it's too late. Kayan lilang tangap salana. But where is it coming from? La luna hungal sa pa gata o story. Oh, sorry on.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

But naga. Lumalapidin saken for advice. Yeah. Na, gusto ni lang magbago, pero ayo ng a sawa ni lang magbago. Anong gagawin nila. Angsi na saabiko hung ayo ni lang magbago. Di ikau na muna magbago ormgpa counsel.

unknown 25:44

Nya.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

Pero ayon ni lang ma iwana nyung a sawa nila. Aung ng man yung advice nyo sagany.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

Well, they have to explore what's happening in their life. And mean san, I exaggerate uh to make them know. So he's a she's a victim of abuse. And then one time I said, so it seems like uh he's turning you into a toilet bowl. So how long will you be willing to serve as his toilet bowl? Wow. So uh that alerted her na itun palambu haiko dumping napalako ng human waste. Wow. Means you be provocative.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

Kana maba visualize.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

Min sa nabana pa ka gentle mo, dependi sa situation, na no. Oh oh. Pero kinakalangan, you help the person to realize where they are. Basic kyun na enough for them to articulate just what is the problem and how it is affecting them. But nahita nila how it's affecting them graphically. Hindi intellectually, experientially, na feel na feel mo. Atin na the fresh air comes in, na no? Mm-hmm. Kasi, hindi kasi na sabi han. Na diskupri mo ta dwana nan. There's a difference, ano? Gang yung sermon sa Inglish, ya. Iba yun ne, minsa na tatach tainang sermon. Pero ie barren yun ng karong ka ng. Karan sanang.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

I just read that this morning in Utmost for His Highest. Often the Lord will wreck a life before he saves it. Kailang talagma ypagdan na napagsu bok diba bagumo amini na kailanga munan tagapagling tas.

SPEAKER_02 27:34

Exactly. But therapy and counselling tries to help people change without reaching rock bottom. Yun nai parama agapani. Sa na wagana kuma abut sarak botom. Oh oh, pero kung aa abut sarak botom, I'm still here to support you.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

Okay, I have a few questions. Actually, I want us to do this though.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

Mg identify tayun ng ma issues na alam natin. You know, couple struggle with. And then, though, give us your immediate reaction. Nara random mung main issues, pag mung maga nyan. Bawa. Start, no? Let's say. Pag da ting sa in loss. What's your comment? Pagme problem sa in loss, kadalasa nai?

SPEAKER_02 28:21

Ah! Pedding galing sa asa wa pedding galeng sa in loss. Kaya open-ended da ko. Hindi akwai stereotype.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:32

Pag da thing sa diba time management. Nang a sawa na pi DPC. Ka pos yung a sawa na sa ba hai lang. Papa nan nama yung.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

Ah yisi pingko isa mutuality of responsibility. Kase isang foundation, ng malusug na marriage, I my rung mutual sharing of responsibility. So isi pinko, papa nung sharing ng responsibility ng mggasawa nito. At ano ang ka ni lang concept ton ng kanilang papel, sabuha y mgasawa.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

Ah, importanti yung poka paha lagga sa papel. Kasei. Exact. Feeling ng sa da ng tatrabamas. Importanti yon, kesan sa yun nga laga ng bata sa ba. So do palang sa bit na diba.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Oh, you mean papel roles.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

Yeah, the yep value. Yes. There has value in every role, diba.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

But minsa na isipko, kasi min san me katru an sating lui dipo nan, na mahalaga ang papel sabuhain ng lalake. Mm-hmm at ang papel sabuhain ng baba e. Aina kapa ilalim, sub shumed sa buhai at papel, nung la lake. Mm-hm. Ah kaya yung baba e is socialized na lahat ng mga ayao natrabaho. Sayo, lahat ng mahalaga salalake. Na. What does that mean? Indi ba. So dahil y and the painful thing here is the woman may not have the voice to articulate, to say, uh, to comment on the inequality because she may wonder if that should be the status quo. Oh, bakasha lang talangasha lang. Oh, oh, baka ma sha do hung reclamadora.

SPEAKER_00 30:12

Pera, pera.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

O se ki pera.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

Pera.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

Pagating sapa. Which is a big reason why couples separate. Anu puma sasasabi natan jan dok.

SPEAKER_02 30:21

Pero, mdisi langusa, tungkul dito. Kakahiya an sila, oh, aw la se lang sharing. O, dak kasi da pat mi rung kang philosophy tungkul sapera.

SPEAKER_01 30:33

Tama. Tama.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

A no paras an Principa atpapa no natin harap.

SPEAKER_01 30:40

The philosophy behind money. It's an dik. Diki na kaka sundo.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

Values rin yun meaning.

SPEAKER_01 30:47

The meaning behind.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

Oh oh. Secondari. Pagata pus ng malina u natin o di angaga vi natin. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Uh-oh. Basta what's mine is mine, what's yours is mine.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

Ganang Ganung ka magisep ka ta ni me problema. Epani mga bata. Oh. Dibayung ng nya yari nagwamaha langga yundala wa. Pagating ng bata. E tona nag shift na.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Ah, o oh. Eh, tail lang dalaga. Angbuha. Me diba yung buhay ng individual. Me developmental stages. Habingani la seasons in a person's. Okay. Si mula kan ng sangol, tas ma giging musmos, patas ma giging bata, tasa ma gigin dalagita. No, patasa magigin bidata, atma yasawa. Genurin nabuha meyasawa, me developmental stages. Simula ligawan. Pagetapos awahan. Pagetapos me mga anakang bago. Ba wa da bahagdan. Bawat stage in the life of a married couple carries different challenges. So da pat a mga mga sawa, mililina w nila anunba mga challenges, na pinang da da ana natin ga yon. And so awareness is 50% of the problem solved.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

What have you seen? Yeah. I said why na gaka nun na na giking priority mba ta andin mga sawa.

SPEAKER_02 32:15

Oh o, kise, tuntu baka sa annak mo, kaya lahat ng energy mo na pupunta don. Mas nga atatu wa. Oh oh. Exactly. Kaya lang remember mothers are stereotyped, socialized to focus on their kids. While fathers continue to work outside. So it can happen that the father feels left out of the relationship. And then he also misses the connection. So kin naga lang awareness. Then there could be that kind of imbalance. There could be triangulation. At law. Mgakar unang competition, you know? So the awareness allows you to make adjustments, changes. So man talang me boohay salabas, you mister. So we don't miss there. But the whole day. Because something changed. Before life was easy and challenging and fascinating. Now I'm a mother dealing with the everyday details of life.

SPEAKER_00 33:47

Yes. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Sex. Okay. So yeah, yeah. Sex.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

In general, level of desire. Pero at the heart of it, issue talagasa sex. I think more object lama. Oh. Oh, oh, okay. I needed to perform. Oh. So there's a lot of insecurities that come up.

SPEAKER_00 35:01

But is this all these things you're talking about can be resolved through communication. But communication is one of the most difficult things to uh arrive at pagmag as a lot of. And I just wanna share na lately meron kaming in at na seminar ni Anthony with Dan Allender. Okay. And his wife, see Becky Allender, they've been married for 48 years. It's writing letters to each other. Beautiful. Tapos, uh, meron dao yung demilitarized zones marriage. Wherein, it's like North and South Korea. Na, hindi mo pueding pagan yung problema. A se may pwe ding war na mang yare. So, pero pag sinulat moyon. Ni la bas muna lahat ng energy musa pag susulat. Tapos pagbinasa mwyon sa a sawamo. At bina sa nyaren sa yo ang yang mga issues, deepest issues. Parang na giging shang mas filtered. Na guma ang yung pakaka sa.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

Express mu naka se.

SPEAKER_00 36:09

Na express muna sa pag susulat.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

Helps you to see the bigger picture.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

While you were writing it, nai process sa mona ren.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

Oh na man. That's no sin. Actually, nung gina wana na minto, we talked about the most difficult issues that we don't want to talk about with each other. Kasi alam namin maga awekame. Pero we did that assignment. I wrote it, I read it to him, he wrote it, he read it to me, and then we said good night, and then we woke up happy. Yeah, it's a very good thing.

SPEAKER_01 36:41

It wasn't interesting. Yeah, it wasn't resolved.

SPEAKER_02 36:43

Oh, oh.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

Importante ring palayo na no.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

Oh, okay, kinakalam ilabas. Externalizing. Kung anni yung nasal ob it has to be made manifest. A kalam kase kun nasal obatindimu si na sabe hindi nahaka apekto. Pero hindi it is a live issue it and it affects the tool!

SPEAKER_01 37:43

Thank you for joining us for another episode of Marriage's Marathon, the podcast season two.

SPEAKER_00 37:49

This episode was shot at the Midnight Dream Studio.

SPEAKER_01 37:53

For feedback, suggestions, questions, please comment below. And don't forget to follow us on our socials, Anthony Panglinan and Mommy Marisel.

SPEAKER_00 38:01

Run it one step at a time. See you in our next podcast, and God bless you.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

Thank you.