Reclaiming Me Podcast

How to Own Your Worth and Develop Authentic Relationships

• Ariana • Episode 3

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Reclaiming Self-Worth: Unlearning Societal Narratives and Embracing Your True Value

In this episode of 'Reclaiming Me,' host Ariana Reinhart delves into the concept of self-worth and contrasts societal teachings with the reality of intrinsic value. Listeners are guided through redefining worth, practicing self-love, and understanding how a positive inner dialogue can transform relationships. 

Ariana also shares personal experiences, stresses the importance of self-compassion, boundary setting, and self-care, and provides affirmations and exercises for daily practice. The episode includes a journaling segment focused on self-reflection and growth. The ultimate goal is to inspire listeners to live boldly and unapologetically, embracing their inherent worth.

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Ariana:

Hello, beautiful souls and welcome to today's episode where we're diving deep into the concept of worth and what society teaches us about it versus the reality of self-worth. Let's explore together how we can redefine worth in a way that celebrates each individual's unique contributions, beyond the messages of society engrains in us. If you've been feeling a bit disconnected from yourself or struggling to appreciate your own worth, know that you're not alone and this episode is exactly where you need to be. We will also delve into the significance of self-love and examine how a lack of self-worth or self-love influences our relationships. Meanwhile, having a positive inner dialogue can transform the way that we are perceived, both from ourselves and from others. You can expect some moments for reflection and journaling as I share the sacred yet messy journey of what reclaiming your worth can look like. And by the end of this episode, I hope you'll feel inspired to view your worth through a new lens, one that acknowledges your inherent value and encourages you to live boldly and unapologetically. And by the way, if you want notifications of when I release a new episode, or if you wanna get the stop playing small: rebuild your confidence and understand your worth workbook. Go to my website www.balancedsoulawakening.com and sign up for the email list. You are not too much. You are not too sensitive. You are not too late. Welcome to Reclaiming Me, the podcast for the woman who's ready to stop shrinking and start coming home to herself. Whether you're driving home from another long shift, walking your dog under a quiet sky, or trying to outrun the voice that says, you're not enough, this space is for you. I'm your host, Ariana Reinhart, speaker, coach, and your guide on this journey of undoing the noise, shedding the pressure, and rising into who you are always meant to be. This show explores what it really means to heal from toxic patterns, rebuild your confidence, and reclaim the love and life you actually deserve. Here we talk self-worth, healing, boundaries, power, and the sacred process of becoming. Because you were never meant to fit in. You're on the journey back to who you were before the world told you who to be. This is your invitation. Let's begin. Okay guys, so about an hour ago I finished a Signature Soul Activation and I am like still buzzing. I have just all this energy coursing through me, so I am excited for this. I find it fascinating how societal norms and values shape our understanding of what it means to be worthy. From a young age we are often taught to equate our self-worth with external achievements. Things like getting good grades, career success, financial status, or even our physical appearance. We're bombarded with these messages that equate beauty with value, and they're often propagated by media, AI, and advertising industries that honestly promote unrealistic standards. And I know we've come a long way compared to how it was when I was growing up, but that message is still very much out there. And these messages often suggest that our value is contingent upon meeting these certain benchmarks or conforming to external standards, which can lead, especially as we're growing up, to issues like low self-esteem and body dysmorphia, because we end up striving to meet these unattainable ideals and we see ourselves in ways that we actually aren't. We see ourselves as less than. And the emphasis on material success and societal standing can create this relentless pursuit of wealth and status. Which results in stress, anxiety, a sense of inadequacy when we don't meet these goals, when we don't look the way we think we should look. And these societal pressures can lead to a lack of appreciation for those intrinsic qualities that we have, like kindness and compassion, creativity. And when we value people based on these superficial features or these superficial things in their life, like money or fame, we overlook the importance of our inner character or their inner character and the diversity of human experience, which that is much more fulfilling and meaningful. Being truly who you authentically are and living in your light and your power is so much more fulfilling than chasing after all the riches in the world. It's not until we embrace ourselves and embrace that part of us that we really, truly have that fulfillment and that meaning of life. There's a reason why there's so many people who are rich beyond belief, and yet they still feel so alone and they feel so unhappy. What if we decided to challenge these narratives that society has taught us? If we can recognize these harmful societal norms, it can lead to healthier self perception and an appreciation for the unique contributions that each and every one of us can offer. While we gain life experience and engage in self-reflection, we can come to realize that our true worth is actually intrinsic. It's not dictated by external validation, and it becomes clear that self-worth is about recognizing your inherent value as individuals, embracing those unique qualities that we have and understanding that we are deserving of love and respect simply by being who we are. And this shift, going from that external to internal validation can significantly impact our self-esteem and our overall happiness. It encourages us to find fulfillment from within rather than constantly seeking approval from the outside world. Now growing up I was always the athlete and I excelled in school and I learned that self-worth was tied to success and achievements. And don't get me wrong, my parents were not those hard asses who like punished their children if they didn't do well. They still supported me even when I felt like I failed. However, there was always very much a push to get the good grades and to work hard as a figure skater or a tennis athlete. And this is very frequently the mentality when it comes to sports. Now, to be fair, it's also the way that my parents were raised and they didn't know any different, and I'm so grateful to them for providing me with the opportunities that they provided me with as a child. But eventually it did get to the point where figure skating, something that I absolutely loved, it felt like it became a job. I was at the rink every day for several hours a day. I skated singles, did pairs skating, I performed in synchro, I coached. And at one point I even played hockey as well as did figure skating, and I do not really recommend. Switching between skates is definitely no easy feat. And there's tons of traveling involved as well. It was long days, lots of traveling, early mornings, and a lot of days of honestly freezing my ass off. And like I said, I am so, so grateful to my parents for providing me the opportunity to skate and to play sports. I mean, they let me do pretty well everything, and I'm so grateful that we had the means for me to be able to do so. I know there's a lot of people that can't. But eventually I found that it got to the point where it no longer felt fun anymore. It honestly felt like work and the pressure to succeed sometimes became overwhelming. So eventually I ended up quitting. And the thing is that so much of my self-worth was tied up in being a great figure skater, that I let that pressure overtake me. It was no longer about, I'm enjoying myself and I felt like such a failure if I didn't meet the requirements, whether those were from myself, my coach, the judges, or my parents. And these beliefs around my worth led me to become what people, like literally they would call me the Energizer Bunny. I always felt like I had to be doing something. I had to be achieving something. I was always on the go. I never stopped. I wasn't comfortable though, with sitting still and being with my thoughts. And it took me a long time to understand that my beingness was just as, if not more important, than my doingness. I came to understand that always needing to be doing something is actually a coping mechanism, because you're running away from your feelings. You're running away from sitting with who you are, and you're putting in everything into this like do, do, do, go, go, go, work, work, work. But it's so important to just sit there and develop that relationship with ourselves. Figure out who we are, figure out what we love, what we want to do, what we really, truly want to do. We need to learn to understand to sit with our feelings, because our body is very intelligent and it will hold onto those feelings. It will hold onto those traumas if we don't listen to them, if we don't acknowledge them, if we don't pay attention and release them and let them go, and then eventually that's when we get sick. That's when we have physical ailments, injuries, all of that. If we're not sitting with who we are, letting go of our emotions, letting go of those traumas, working through everything, then physical shit is gonna come up. We're gonna have things that we don't want in our life, and our body's going to start to scream at us instead of like, it'll give us little nudges. And then if we don't listen, eventually it's going to scream at us and it's going to do something where, like you might break an ankle because you need to slow down. So what have I learned about self-worth? Self-worth is inherent, and it's not dependent on external achievements or validation. In order to develop self-worth, we need to practice self-compassion, especially during times of perceived failure or struggle. And setting boundaries is incredibly important, including boundaries towards ourselves. When we let others cross our boundaries or make us uncomfortable, we are telling our nervous system that we don't matter. Our wants and our needs don't matter. We often don't hold true to our boundaries because we're scared of making the other person uncomfortable, but they're the ones disrespecting our limits. So why is it any more important for them to be comfortable and get what they want, but it's not important for us? That's what we're telling ourselves in those moments. And this includes setting boundaries with ourselves. If you tell yourself that you're gonna do something, then you better follow through with it, because the more that we say we're going to do something, but we don't actually do it, the less we trust ourselves. On the flip side, doing the things that you said you were going to do that align with your goals and your values, that builds congruence. Having the congruence to show up the way that you know you should develops a sense of trust and respect in yourself, and over time your sense of self-worth will increase if you continue to do that. It's also important to be aware of the way that you speak to yourself. We are our own worst critics, and we're often so quick to think the worst about ourselves and our circumstances. So I want you to start paying attention to the things you think and say about yourself, without holding any judgment around it.

If you catch yourself thinking or speaking something negative, you can say clear, cancel, delete, and then replace it with a positive thought instead.

Ariana:

You need to consciously pull in the frequency of what you desire instead. A lot of people think it's enough to say like, I don't want this thing. No, you're still going to pull in that thing if you say that. You want to invite in what you actually desire. So an example of this is that people will be driving and they'll be like, oh, I don't wanna get in an accident. But that still brings in the energy of getting in an accident. So instead, you wanna say, please keep me safe, please make my travels go smoothly. If you stay consistent with this, over time, new neural pathways will develop and your brain will start to seek those positive outcomes. And then you'll learn to appreciate yourself more and learn to accept your imperfections. You need to realize that those things that you dislike about yourself, you can either heal and grow from, or you can learn to accept and recognize that they do not diminish your personal value. Obviously, striving to be a better person than you were yesterday is important for your growth, but there are some things that you just can't change about yourself. You can, however, change your perspective around them. An exercise that may seem ridiculous, but it actually works, is to thank and love up on each part of your body when you first wake up in the morning. You start at your feet and work all the way up to your head. You may not like the look of your feet, but I'm sure you can appreciate the fact that they allow you to walk each day. So thank them for that. And then you focus on each body part, all the way up to your head. Thanking and appreciating them. Doing this daily will honestly help you to see yourself in a different light. A sense of self-worth is also related to self-care, whether it's taking time for quiet morning meditation, which I highly recommend, enjoying a favorite hobby, or even simply savoring a cup of coffee or tea without any distractions. These moments are essential. They serve as reminders that you are worthy of care and attention. But self-care is also important on the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual levels. It may mean working with your shadow self, allowing yourself to feel your feelings releasing and reprogramming your limiting beliefs, drinking more water, exercising more, eating more nutritious and healthy foods. Writing a gratitude list or reading a chapter every day that supports your growth. Do things that bring you peace, joy, happiness, and healing. Another big component to developing your self-worth is viewing mistakes as opportunities for growth rather than reflections of your worth. My coach introduced this concept to me of mistakelessness, which is where every mistake is an opportunity to try something new, to do something different, and that there's no such thing as a mistake. Mistakes are not a bad thing, and you can use what you're doing as a scientific experiment so that you can let go of the judgment around it. Worrying about failing and making mistakes holds us back from tapping into our full potential. It keeps us from sharing our authentic self with the world. It keeps us from speaking our truth. Our authenticity is what connects others to us on a deeper level. So stop conforming to the expectations of others and live your life the way you want to live. The people who are meant for you will stick around. You will repel some people, but the people who are meant to be in your circle will be drawn to you. They'll be magnetized to you. I want you to remember that your worth is not determined by what you achieve or what others think of you. It is already within you just waiting to be acknowledged. You are valuable and deserving of love and respect just as you are. I want you to take some comfort in knowing that your unique qualities make you who you are and they are more than enough. Now I am just gonna take a second to remind you to go download the Free Stop Playing Small, build Your Confidence and understand Your Worth Workbook,

and remember to leave a review or follow me on Instagram@balancedsoulawakening.

Ariana:

Self-love is a fundamental aspect of personal wellbeing and growth. It really lays the foundation for a healthier relationship with ourselves, which helps to foster resilience and self-acceptance. It's about recognizing your intrinsic value, embracing your flaws, nurturing your mind, body, and spirit, same as you would for someone that you deeply cherish. By embracing self-love, we can cultivate a positive self-image, which enhances your confidence and your ability to tackle life's challenges. It empowers you to set boundaries, prioritize your needs, and pursue goals that are aligned with your true values. And self-love encourages a compassionate and forgiving attitude towards yourself.

Having this compassion helps to reduce the harshness of self-criticism. And it helps to promote emotional healing. As you learn to appreciate your growth, you're inevitably going to become better equipped to form those authentic connections with others. And then in turn, you're gonna be able to have a more harmonious and empathetic tribe. By practicing self-love, we invest in our own happiness and wellbeing, which helps to enrich our lives as well as the lives of those around us. I want you to imagine the freedom of waking up each day knowing that you are enough just as you are. It's a practice, and it starts with small, intentional steps, from cultivating gratitude for yourself, setting healthy boundaries to celebrating your unique journey. Remember that self-love isn't selfish. It is necessary. So take a deep breath. Let go of that self-criticism and welcome the love and kindness you deserve. You can try starting your day with affirmations like, I am deserving of happiness, or I accept myself as I am. These words gradually transform your mindset and reinforce your sense of self-worth. So many of us are often operating from the sympathetic nervous system. We're living in survival mode and in this constant state of stress. But when we're operating at this level, our bodies can't heal themselves. We can't think straight. We can't connect to our intuition, be creative, properly digest, our immune system doesn't work well. If our nervous system does not feel safe, then we can't invite in more pleasure, more money, or more of what we desire. So when you're doing something to try to control that outcome, you're not in the right space. You're not coming from the parasympathetic and from a place where your nervous system feels safe. If an unpleasant emotion or situation comes up for you and you're questioning how you can make it go away, then you're not listening to what your body and your nervous system is trying to tell you. These feelings of restriction, of tension, they come up in our bodies because they're trying to give us information. They're trying to warn us or to alert us about something. These are the moments where you need to tune into your body, take some deep breaths and have a conversation with it. You can ask it. Why is this coming up right now? What are you trying to tell me? What do you need me to know or need me to do for you right now in order for you to feel safe? Just sit with the answers. Sit with the emotions with that feeling and breathe through it until it eventually dissipates. Or if you get a response, then you can go and do those things, but make sure that you follow through with it, because right now you keep cycling through those same loops because your nervous system hasn't caught up with your conscious mind yet. You need to learn to choose yourself in moments of stress. It's one thing to choose yourself when you're regulated, but it's much more difficult to follow through with that when your nervous system is dysregulated. If you are spiraling out of control in these moments, you're just going to repeat those same patterns over and over again until you learn to give yourself what you need. Self-love is about staying true to yourself when your boundaries are tested. If you want safety and if you want consistency, okay, that's great, but what do you do if all of a sudden chaos, disrespect, or erratic behavior is brought into your world through circumstances or through someone else? What do you do when someone tells you that you're too much, too loud, too confident? If you do go back into those past patterns, that's perfectly okay. You're going to experience days where things are a bit more of a struggle, but over time, you want to develop the skill to stand in your power. During these situations, we need to be able to regulate ourselves and support our nervous system in being in the rest and digest state where we are calm, open, and receptive in order to be open to abundance. Some techniques to regulate your nervous system are gently touching your body, giving yourself a hug and letting your body know that it's safe. You can lay on your back with your legs straight up against the wall as well. You can meditate, do kundalini yoga, do some dancing, singing, spending time in nature, go barefoot in the grass, do cold plunges, dunk your face in icy water, or one thing that I really like to do is to have cold showers. Just try some of those different things, and even like shaking, shaking off the energy that you don't want and anything that's not serving you, and then taking a moment to take some deep breaths and really connect to yourself, and connect to your body. Even that can help to regulate your nervous system. So I want you to try some of these things the next time you find yourself being dysregulated and see how quickly they can help. It's important as well to note that a lack of self-love can have a profound impact on our relationships. Other people often pick up on our energy and how we feel about ourselves, how we carry ourselves. They can sense when we're on a low vibrational energy and when we don't value our bodies or who we are, when we have a lack of self-confidence. So the way we feel about ourselves is inherently going to affect how others feel about us as well. But the good news is that this is also the case when we understand how powerful and amazing and magnetic we are. Imagine trying to pour from an empty cup. That's essentially what happens when we don't nurture our own sense of self-worth and appreciation. Without self-love, we might find ourselves seeking validation and acceptance from others to fill that void within ourselves, and this can lead to very codependent relationships, unhealthy dependencies and unrealistic expectations in relationships. It can put strain on our connections. Our partners can become or feel overwhelmed by that pressure to constantly reassure and uplift us. And not just our partners, but also our friends, our family, and the people that we go to on a regular basis when we're feeling this way. A lack of self-love often manifests as insecurity and fear, and that leads to jealousy and mistrust, or it can even lead to self-sabotage. But by prioritizing self-love, we not only enhance our own wellbeing, we also cultivate healthier, more balanced and fulfilling relationships. As someone who understands your journey, I know how challenging it can be to believe that you deserve love and respect. And that resistance can hinder the formation of deep, meaningful connections. You might end up finding yourself putting up your walls so that you don't get heartbroken. It's that mentality of, if I don't get too close, they can't hurt me. Or you might end up relying heavily on your partner for validation, which leads to an unhealthy dynamic where you feel the need for constant reassurance. At times, you might be settling for less than you deserve. You might be staying in unhealthy relationships because of a fear of not finding better. Often when we lack self-worth and a healthy relationship with ourselves, we end up subconsciously seeking out relationships with people who treat us like our feelings don't matter. This can lead to a cycle of dissatisfaction and unhappiness, or you might unconsciously sabotage relationships because you're expecting rejection and failure. Struggling with self-worth can definitely prevent you from experiencing the full pleasure of mutual love and respect. That's why having a healthy self image is so essential for your wellbeing and the health of your relationship. And I'm here to support you in building that self-worth so that you can thrive in all of your relationships. When you're not scared to lose people because you're more scared to lose yourself, the game will change, I promise you. When you start choosing yourself and not waiting for other people to validate you, everything in your life changes. You don't need to perform or to abandon your values in order to make other people happy. I want you to remember that building self-worth is a journey. It's not a destination. It's going to require patience and persistence. Please, please, please do not be too hard on yourself. But over time, you're gonna find that your relationships will transform in beautiful ways. You'll become more open to receiving love, more confident in giving it, and that's going to create this harmonious balance that enriches your life. You deserve to experience the beauty of a love that is grounded in mutual respect and genuine connection. Okay guys, it is now time for our affirmation of the day, so I want you to repeat after me and write it down if it resonates with you, so that you have it on hand to recite daily. Some people like to write affirmations on post-it notes, and then stick them in high traffic areas around the house so that they're consistently reminded to speak kindly to themselves. So our reclaim this affirmation for today is, it is safe for me to wholly accept myself, even the flaws that make me perfectly imperfect. The journey to reclaiming yourself is something you will probably be navigating for the rest of your life. We as humans are constantly changing, growing, and experiencing new traumas, and it's by no means an easy journey. You're gonna have good days and you're gonna have challenging days. Just remember that it's a work in progress and it's important to find the joy in the journey. Healing is not always sunshine, rainbows, and good vibes. In fact, sometimes it is downright hell to go through. But it's gonna be sacred and raw and messy, and I promise that if you stick with it, and if you're gentle with yourself along the way, you will have the capacity to create the life you desire. Welcome to the journaling and reflection segment of our podcast episode. Today we're diving into some thought provoking questions that are designed to help you ignite your personal growth. I want you first to consider what thoughts you have about your own worthiness. It's essential to recognize and affirm your inherent value. When you've done that, I want you to imagine who you would become if you didn't hold yourself back. Visualize that version of yourself and what steps that you can take to get there. Write them down. What would this version of you say, think, feel, do? Where would they live? What would they strive for? Now I want you to dig deep to identify what's really holding you back on an emotional level. Understanding these barriers can be the first step to overcoming them. And once you've pinpointed that, think about ways to actively cultivate more joy in your life. And then lastly, I want you to reflect on how you can introduce joy into areas of your life that aren't typically seen as joyful. These reflections, if you take some time to sit with them, are powerful tools for transformation and they can guide you on your journey towards a more fulfilling life. As always, we will close off with our self-worth shift to reflect on. This is one I ask that you spend a few minutes on to receive the most profound answers. What false belief are you holding onto about yourself that is holding you back? What false belief are you holding onto about yourself that is holding you back? Thank you for joining me on this journey of returning to yourself. Next week we'll be shifting the narrative around healing and self-growth from fixing to returning. It is going to be an episode full of motivation. If today's episode spoke to your soul, I'd love for you to share it with a friend. And don't forget to subscribe so you never miss a moment of this reclamation or follow me on Instagram@balancedsoulawakening. You are not too much, you are not behind. You are not broken. You are worthy, you are whole, and you are already everything you're seeking. This is reclaiming me. Until next time, be gentle, be bold, be you.