Reclaiming Me Podcast

How Saying No Can Shift Your Reality

• Ariana • Episode 13

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The Power of Saying No: Reclaiming Your Energy and Self-Worth

In this episode of 'Reclaiming Me,' host Ariana Reinhart dives deep into the transformative power of saying no. Learn how every no you give creates space for a more powerful yes, allowing you to reclaim your energy, build self-worth, and live a life that feels aligned with who you truly are. 

Ariana shares personal stories and practical tips on setting boundaries, overcoming people-pleasing tendencies, and navigating feelings of guilt and fear when saying no. Tune in to discover how to shed harmful societal conditioning and step into your power, ultimately creating a more joyful and authentic life. 

Grab Ariana's free resources, like the Limiting Beliefs Journal and the Unshakeable Confidence Workbook, to support your journey. Join Ariana and her community on Instagram at Balanced Soul Awakening and share your own stories of transformation. Don’t miss next week's special conversation on 'Energy Management, Not Time Management' with guest Lacy.


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Ariana:

Have you ever said yes when every part of you wanted to say no? You know when you get that sinking feeling in your stomach, but you smile and say,"sure, no problem" anyway? Today we're talking about something that can completely change your life and your energy. The power of saying no. Because every no you give creates space for a more powerful yes. I've said this before, if it's not a fuck yes, then it's a hell no. You are not obligated to do things that don't feel aligned for you. By the end of this episode, my hope is that you'll feel confident in taking your power back and declining anything that doesn't feel right for you. I hope that you realize that you are more than enough just as you are, that you don't need to bust your ass helping others in order to be valued. Your worth is not defined by your achievements or how much you give to others. You are special, you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are strong. And you are a freaking goddess that deserves to be treated with the utmost love and respect, both from yourself and from others. And if as you're listening to this, you're noticing those sneaky little thoughts that say things like,"I'm not ready,""who am I to do this?" Or"that's not in my nature," you are not alone. I used to believe those too until I started journaling through them. And I actually created a limiting beliefs journal to help you overcome these beliefs. It's full of prompts to help you uncover and rewrite those stories. You can download it for free, the link is in the show notes. And by the way, if you can't wait to hear more from this podcast, hit the follow button or share your thoughts with me on Instagram at Balanced Soul Awakening. It truly inspires me to hear your stories and your aha moments. Now it is time to grab your favorite drink, settle in and let's get started. You are not too much. You are not too sensitive. You are not too late. Welcome to Reclaiming Me, the podcast for the woman who's ready to stop shrinking and start coming home to herself. Whether you're driving home from another long shift, walking your dog under a quiet sky, or trying to outrun the voice that says you're not enough, this space is for you. I'm your host, Ariana Reinhart, speaker, coach, and your guide on this journey of undoing the noise, shedding the pressure, and rising into who you were always meant to be. This show explores what it really means to heal from toxic patterns, rebuild your confidence, and reclaim the love and life you actually deserve. Here we talk self-worth, healing, boundaries, power, and the sacred process of becoming. Because you were never meant to fit in, you're on the journey back to who you were before the world told you who to be. This is your invitation. Let's begin. There was a time when my calendar was packed with commitments that didn't light me up. I said yes to favors, to extra work and social events that I didn't even want to go to. I thought being available made me kind, but really it left me resentful and exhausted. Filling our calendars like this, with things that don't light us up and give us energy, leads us into burnout. We become disconnected from ourselves and our intuition. We start running on empty, lashing out at the people that we love, resenting others, and wondering why we feel so damn tired all the time. Sometimes we even start to blame others for the way that we're feeling, but the truth is that no one else is responsible for that. We are. A couple of weeks ago, I completely burnt myself out. I was in a coaching program, returning to work after an injury, and I took on not one, but two intensive business boot camps back to back. I told myself it was worth it because those offer opportunities only come once or twice a year. And don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly grateful I did them. But I was working 12 to 14 hours a day, barely spending time with my partner or walking my dog, and ignoring all the signs my body was sending me. I felt fairly fine while I was trying to do it all, but when it all wrapped up, I crashed hard. The burnout snuck up on me. I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. I had no energy, no motivation, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't create. I even lost my spark for this podcast for a little bit. That forced me to slow down. To pay attention to where my energy was actually going and what level that it was at, if it was being depleted or not. I see this all the time at the hospital too. People who pick up every extra shift until they're running on fumes. They're kind, they're giving, but then one day they reach a point where they become frustrated, and they actually start to resent the people who are always asking for shifts to be picked up but aren't willing to return the favor. And then they actually end up starting to say no to everything because they've been saying yes for too long. It's hard to find that balance. And maybe that's you too. Maybe you're the reliable one, the helper, the one who always shows up. But at what cost? It's amazing to care for others, but if you're constantly saying yes when you mean no, eventually you're going to lose yourself. I want you to remember that it's important to put yourself first and to take care of yourself. I don't want you to be resentful, disconnected, or burnt out. And I don't think you want that for yourself either. It is our responsibility to make sure that we're being taken care of, to rest, replenish, and heal. It is our responsibility to let go of the harmful so-called"truths" that we had ingrained in our minds so that we can live a life of authenticity and joy. There are going to be times where we fall back into the trap, but the most important thing is for us to recognize and acknowledge when we're taking on too much. I seriously used to fill my calendar to the brim. Until one day, I realized that I was saying yes to everyone else, but I was constantly saying no to myself. The thing is, I was committing to all these tasks and activities, but I would never be able to find time to do the things that I intended to do. Which led me to actually stop trusting myself and to see myself as unreliable. I wasn't building congruence with what I was saying I wanted in my life. I was letting myself down and putting everyone else before me. The simple truth is that we have to be our number one priority. Let people say what they want about it, but you can't help others at your full capacity if you are not taking care of your body, mind, and soul first. You can't pour from an empty cup. But if your cup is overflowing, then it will automatically start to spill out into other people's cups, and you will be able to help people on a much deeper and more effective level. So why is saying no so hard? Trust me, you're not alone if you find it difficult and uncomfortable to set boundaries. It's because most of us were raised to be"good girls." We were taught that being nice and agreeable made us worthy. That helping others was more important than helping ourselves, because we're meant to be nurturers. And we carry this cultural conditioning, generations of women being told to be quiet, polite, and selfless. So now when we try to set boundaries, guilt shows up. Fear of rejection shows up. I mean, think about it. We didn't even have many of our own rights until six decades ago as women. In the past, we were basically expected to just like shut up and do what our men told us to do. What we wanted wasn't considered to be important. And it's likely that as a child you were taught to be soft, kind, and thoughtful, and to lend a helping hand. It was probably expected for boys to be rowdy, but girls were meant to behave. Girls were meant to be quiet and demure. So it's no wonder that the majority of women have people pleasing tendencies. But like I said, it's up to us as individuals to heal this within ourselves. Here are some of the biggest reasons why women struggle to say no: people pleasing. We've been taught that being good means being agreeable. We're scared to hurt other people's feelings or to have someone lash out on us, so we agree to their wants and their desires. Guilt. We fear that saying no makes us selfish. Fear of rejection. We worry that people won't like us or that they'll see us as difficult. We're afraid of being an outcast or of not fitting in, of not being liked if we don't do what everyone else is doing or if we don't wear what is considered to be trendy right now. We hold that generational trauma. We hold past life trauma and collective trauma around this because in the past it was truly not safe to be seen as different or to not blend in with your tribe. But that's not the case anymore. And lastly, fear of missing out. We are scared of missing out when we actually don't even want to go. These feelings are all incredibly common, and if you've ever felt that way, I promise you that you're not broken. It's just that you've been conditioned to believe that your worth comes from being needed. Here's the truth. Saying no doesn't make you selfish or mean, it makes you honest. It's an act of empowerment. Every aligned no that you give teaches others how to treat you, and it helps you to rebuild trust with yourself. Saying no isn't rejection, it's redirection. You're not closing doors, you're making space for the right ones to open. You're actually doing both yourself and the other person a disservice when you say yes to something that your heart isn't in, because you wouldn't be fully present in that moment. You wouldn't be fully present doing that thing, and that's not fair to either of you. No is a full sentence. You don't have to explain yourself or justify your reasoning. And every aligned no is an act of self-respect. When I started saying no, everything shifted. My energy lifted. I had more space for creativity, rest, and the things that actually mattered to me. Was it easy? Absolutely not. People got upset, some people even tried to guilt me. And yes, I had to let go of relationships. Relationships with friends, family and partners that no longer aligned with who I was becoming. But I knew that I couldn't continue allowing those people to drag me down and to disrespect who I was and who I wanted to become. I may have loved them, but I needed to make myself a priority, and I needed to show myself that I loved me as well. I had to commit to myself. It was hard. But walking away from what drains you is an act of deep self love. Now I'm gonna give you the cold hard truth. If people really care about you, they will respect you and your decisions. They might not like it in the moment, but they will still respect you and your decisions. And sometimes we honestly just need to cut people out of our life if they aren't there to support us or to see us grow. It is very common to have to cut some people out of your life when you are leveling up. And when you start doing that though, as hard as it is, when you make those difficult decisions and when you stick with them, when you fully commit to yourself, something beautiful happens. Your energy changes. You glow differently. You become magnetic and people view you in a different way. Imagine what would happen if your yeses came from alignment, not from obligation. I remember someone once told me that I gave off"doormat energy." That was a tough pill to swallow you guys. That one hurt, especially as someone who had previously been seen as very confident. But in all honesty, it was true at the time. I was in a very toxic and abusive relationship, and I was letting him walk all over me. I was spending most nights crying on the bathroom floor, feeling completely powerless and stuck. Until it reached the point where I had to report him to the cops, I didn't feel safe in my own home. And I discussed everything with them. I remember them telling me that I needed to have a backpack ready and waiting to go in case of an emergency. They gave me all the numbers to call and explained the details of how a safe house works. They said that if the time came, I would have to leave my dogs, my cat, and my bearded dragon, and I wouldn't be allowed to tell anyone. Not even my family, not, like none of my loved ones, no one where I was going. I wouldn't be able to have my phone and I would basically like have to leave my old life behind. And that terrified me. That woke me up. So I kicked him out, but he didn't leave easily. We got, we actually got into a physical altercation and I ended up having to lock myself in my room. Later he returned and he was threatening me, so I had to call 9 1 1. It was an awful thing to have to go through, but it also taught me a lot, and it started my journey of healing and recovery. Leaving that relationship changed everything. Like I was saying, you honestly, you get a glow up when you start to walk away from things and people who don't serve you. Your energy will literally make you glow because you're vibrating at such a high frequency that it draws people to you. You'll look amazing because you reset your energy and you took your power back. So when I left, my confidence came back. My joy came back, and aligned opportunities started showing up because there was finally room for what was meant to be there. I met new people, I tried new things, and I rebuilt my life from the inside out. And then came the relationship. Of course, it came at a time where I wasn't really looking. That's how it always works, isn't it? But damn if it wasn't exactly what I was ready for and wanted in my life. I can't even count the number of people who have approached me and commented on how happy I look now that I'm with my current partner. I've been told that I'm absolutely glowing and that I radiate joy. My energy is completely different because I finally stopped saying yes to things that dimmed my light. So ask yourself, do you want to be seen as the doormat or as the radiant, powerful woman that you were always meant to be? If you're in a similar situation to the one that I was in, you don't have to do that anymore. You can take your power back, you can change your story. Stop giving your attention and your energy to people who don't value or respect you. One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that confidence isn't something you wait for. It's something you build. It's built by going out and making the choices and the decisions to do things, even if they're scary. And I wanted to make that easier for you, so I created the Unshakeable Confidence Workbook. It's packed with exercises to help you own your power and show up as your most magnetic self. You can grab your free copy through the link in the show notes. The right people, places, and circumstances for you will make you radiate beauty. They will make you feel confident, powerful, and unstoppable. It's time to develop a mindset of strength, resilience, love, and passion. It is time to stop letting the little things get to you. It is time to raise your standards and start fulfilling your dreams. You are ready to fully embrace and embody who you want to become. The only person stopping you was yourself. If saying no feels awkward or uncomfortable, here are some simple phrases that you can start with. We can keep it simple and firm. Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I can't commit to that right now. Or we can do more of a kind but clear approach. That sounds amazing, but it's not something that I can take on at this moment. Maybe you wanna come from more of a values-based approach. I've promised myself to protect my time this season, so I'll have to say no to that. Or you can simply set your boundaries with empathy. I would love to support you, but I really don't have the capacity right now. The more you use these phrases, the easier it becomes. You start to trust that saying no doesn't make you unkind. It makes you honest. Every no you give creates space for a more powerful yes. A yes to rest, to alignment, and to yourself. Okay, lovely. It's time for our affirmation of the day. If this one resonates with you, write it on a post-it note and stick it in a high traffic area around your house. Our affirmation for today is,"I release any fears that keep me from setting my boundaries, and I make today the day that I become the bravest, boldest version of myself.""I release any fears that keep me from setting my boundaries, and I make today the day that I become the bravest, boldest version of myself." And as always, we will close off with our self-worth shift to reflect on. Pull out a journal or a piece of paper and write down every answer that you can possibly think of. Where in my life have I been saying yes to things I actually want to say no to? And then start practicing those phrases that we talked about. When you make decisions, pause and ask yourself, does this feel aligned with the life that I want to create? You are not here to live by other people's expectations. You're here to live by your truth. Now, I would love to hear your story. Share a moment when you said no and it changed everything. Tag me on Instagram at Balanced Soul Awakening and use the hashtag Reclaiming Me podcast. Let's celebrate the power of No together. And next week I'll be joined by my friend Lacy for a conversation on energy management, not time management, how to structure your days around your natural energy cycles. Trust me, you don't wanna miss it. Thank you for joining me on this journey of returning to yourself. If today's episode spoke to your soul, please take a moment to subscribe and rate our show. Your feedback helps us reach more people and create more impactful content. We truly appreciate it. You are not too much. You are not behind. You are not broken. You are worthy. You are whole, and you are already everything you're seeking. This is reclaiming me. Until next time, be gentle, be bold, be you.