The Parts of Me That I've Kept Hidden

Reclaiming Me: Being Fully Seen—Spiritual Gifts, Poly Relationships, and Fear of Visibility

Host Ariana Reinhart  shares her commitment to following intuition over ego and explains why “weird” or vulnerable parts of ourselves can both attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. 

Ariana then reveals three personal truths: her spiritual journey began with disturbing premonitions of death, later expanding into sensing energies, mediumship training, Reiki mastery, and creating spiritual offerings; she has been in poly/open relationships, stressing ethical nonmonogamy requires honest communication and differs from cheating; and she struggles with being visible and marketing her services. She's realized she fears success, which is possibly tied to ancestral blocks. 

Ariana invites listeners to reflect on what they’re holding back and take one step forward as an act of self-love. 

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Transcript

Ariana 0:00

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. Ralph Waldo Emerson. Okay, so I know the weird sides of me or like the things about me that are scary to share are the qualities I possess that magnetize people to me. However, those are also the things that will repel the people who are not meant to be in my field, which can mean rejection. It means possible ridicule. It means some people might think I'm crazy, and it also means sharing those parts of me is very vulnerable. But I can't expect you to push yourself outta your comfort zone if I'm not willing to do the same. So here I am getting real about the fear of being fully seen. We don't grow if we're not willing to step outside of our comfort zones. And being our authentic selves amidst the fear is one of the greatest acts of self-love. Now, if you're still with me, it's time to grab your favorite drink, settle in and let's get started. You are not too much. You are not too sensitive. You are not too late. Welcome to reclaiming me, the podcast for the woman who's ready to stop shrinking and start coming home to herself. Whether you're driving home from another long shift, walking your dog under a quiet sky or trying to outrun the voice that says you're not enough. This space is for you. I am your host, Ariana Reinhart, speaker, coach, and your guide on this journey of undoing the noise, shedding the pressure, and rising into who you were always meant to be. This show explores what it really means to heal from toxic patterns, rebuild your confidence, and reclaim the love and life you actually deserve. Here we talk self-worth, healing, boundaries, power, and the sacred process of becoming. Because you were never meant to fit in. You're on the journey back to who you were before the world told you who to be. This is your invitation. Let's begin. Alright, so lately I've been trying to show up for myself and stay committed to myself more frequently. I've really been leaning into my inner voice and in the past I would be like often too scared to follow through with the action that it was asking me to do. Because if we're being real, our intuition or our inner voice is going to push us to do things that scare us, because it knows our potential and it knows when the out, what the outcome could be if we would just stop holding ourselves back. But our ego often kicks in and tells us that it isn't safe to do whatever we're being called to do, and we let that ego take over and we keep ourselves playing small. Even if we don't wanna admit it, all of us do this to some extent. It takes practice and courage to move forward and do the thing anyway. So that is what I'm currently working on. Those things that I wanna back out of because they seem scary, I wanna show myself that I can do them, that they're not as hard or as terrifying as I'm making them out to be. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. I am capable. I am worthy. In my heart I know this is true, but my subconscious has been holding some resistance. But if I can inspire or like be a guide for even one person by sharing fully who I am and by pushing through the fear, then this will all be worth it to me. I don't want you feeling like you need to wear a mask anymore. I don't want you to believe that you need to keep parts of yourself hidden to make other people happy or to keep the peace. I don't want you thinking that like this is the best that it's gonna get or that you don't deserve anything better, or just like being complacent is good enough. I want you to feel free to be who you are and to show the magic behind your weirdness. Life is boring if we're all the same. I want you to think about the people that you're closest to. What do you like the most about them? Do they make you laugh when they're being like everyone else, or do you appreciate them so much more for their like goofy, silly side that they just let loose because they're comfortable around you? Do you appreciate that they just don't give a fuck whether someone thinks they're weird and they just do what makes them happy as long as it's not harming anyone else? We don't want mundane, we don't want subdued. We want original and authentic and honest. So why stop yourself from sharing that side of you? You're actually doing a disservice to other people when, to your people, I should say, when you water yourself down. And the people who don't like it, that's fine. They're not your people, and that's usually kind of just a reflection of something within themselves. Something that like they don't like about themselves or something, a place where they're holding themselves back and not allowing themselves to fully express. You are often like when they see you as too much, that's because you're holding up a mirror. You're reflecting back to them that side of themselves that they're not allowing to be seen or that maybe they don't like about themselves. I don't wanna water myself down. So here are three parts of me that I either don't frequently share or are just like downright scary for me to share and I have barely expressed this to anyone. And if this episode resonates with you or inspires you in any way, please send the show a text. You can find the link in the show notes. It makes me like, it makes things so much more worth it for me when I get to hear your feedback and I want to learn about you. As well. I want to learn what you like, what you don't like. If something inspired you, if you are trying something new, if you're getting out of your comfort zone, if you have decided like, I wanna change my life, I'm not wanting to settle anymore, I wanna hear that, I wanna celebrate you, so please text the show. Please reach out. Feel free to message me on Instagram, whatever you feel called. I love hearing from you guys. Truly. Okay, number one, my spiritual journey started with premonitions of death. So when I was quite young, like most of us are intuitive when we're quite young, but my spiritual abilities, or psychic abilities got shut off and I kind of became like a very science-based, focused person. I shut off my gifts for quite some time. And eventually it got to the point where Spirit was like, no, Ariana, you're gonna freaking pay attention to us. We're going to make you pay attention. You need to hone in your, on your gifts and you need to share with'em with the world. And so we're gonna make you open up to them. And I ended up starting having premonitions of death. It was awful. Um, like it was, it was truly a horrible feeling. And the first one that I vividly remember was when I was in my teens, like early teens. I was at a party and I had gone for a walk with a friend. And as we were coming back, there was a truck with a few guys in it, and they were leaving the party driving slowly because they were waiting for someone to walk across the road. And in that time I locked eyes with the passenger and all of a sudden I was like, oh my God. Something absolutely terrible is about to happen. And I was just filled with a sense of dread that I could not shake. I had no idea why. And then about 10 minutes later, they crashed into a light post and one of the passengers, passengers was thrown from the vehicle. The other one was also thrown, but landed on the hood of the vehicle, and the light post crashed down on him and killed him. That is the first vivid one that I remember. And then I started having dreams and premonitions and visions fairly regularly. And it was really horrible because I could tell you exactly what was going to happen, but I didn't know who it was gonna happen to or when it was going to happen. I wasn't honed in on my gifts at the time, and I didn't know how to control them or how to use them and how to properly interpret them. Sometimes I'd have the same dream over and over every single night for six months until that event happened, or I could have a vision and five minutes later that event would occur. So anytime it happened, it was this terrible feeling that I couldn't shake. I was just not myself at all, and it didn't seem to matter what I did. I just could not shake it and I didn't know what to do because I wanted to warn someone. But who would I warn? Who would I tell? You can't just be like, oh, I have this gut instinct. No one's gonna believe you and they're not gonna be able to do anything about it. So for several years I went through life with these premonitions and these visions and I also started to see and sense energies. Now at this point, I've really honed in and strengthened a lot of my abilities. But when I first started, I was clairvoyant and Clair sentient mostly. So I would see things and I would also feel things. I was to an extent clair cognizant as well, which premonitions are a form of clair cognizance. And I would just know certain things, but I didn't know how to interpret them. Now I'm able to really use most of my clair senses, and I'm able to interpret these electromagnetic frequencies and messages that I'm receiving on a deeper level. But at the time, I was just going through life and I was seeing these. Being and these energies, and it got to a point where like I literally could not sleep in my room at night. I couldn't even look in that room sometimes because the energies in there were so strong, like there were so many spirits in there. And I would just get so freaked out. I was scared outta my mind some night. And I remember one time I had sleep paralysis. I opened my eyes and like I can laugh at it now, but at the time it looked like this fat bald man in a velvet, bright blue, juicy couture sweatsuit. And he was standing over top of me with a dagger over his head. Like he was about to kill me, and I remember trying to scream and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't move, I couldn't scream. I closed my eyes and opened them again, and he was still there. I was like, what the hell is going on? And it looked like he was physically right in front of me, like a real human being. They play on your fear, right? So the more fear that you have, the stronger their presence is. I was finally able to get myself calmed down enough that he disappeared, but it honestly scared the living crap out of me. And I kept having these instances where, for example, there was one time where I had my great grandma's tea set down in my bedroom and it just started rattling out of the blue and it was when I was sensing all these energies and I understand that she was trying to communicate with me, but it was scary. And even my dog that would, uh, sleep on my bed with me at the time, he would kind of protect me and sleep up on my chest until I fell asleep. And then he'd go down to my feet. And until I fell asleep, he would stare at those same spots in the room where I would feel these energies. So eventually I finally got to the point where I was like, you know what? I don't want to be scared of this anymore. I don't wanna fear this. I don't wanna not be able to sleep every night because I'm too scared to close my eyes. So that kind of led me to embark on my spiritual journey, which I've been on for 15 plus years now. I started to take courses and workshops. I learned how to read auras. I learned how to work with your chakras, how to work with your Claires, how to strengthen your intuition. I took mediumship courses, I went to retreats, and I just kept having all these amazing, incredible experiences. And after my uncle and my grandpa passed, I really started to hone in on my gifts. It was kind of entertaining because my uncle was a bit of a prankster and so he would come to us. Um, he really, he really liked to mess with my mom. So he would come and play with the electronics and he'd randomly shut off the TV on her or she would push a button on the remote but it wouldn't work. Or he'd turn on the radio in her kitchen. He just really liked to play games with her and it was kind of at that point where she was like, uh, okay, maybe there is something to these energies and stuff. Like that's kind of where she started to believe that maybe there's something else out there that's not just us on this world. But yeah, so after they both passed, I think it was in, was I like 2017 or 18? I can't remember honestly. I ended up getting my reiki master and like reiki master teacher, and I started teaching reiki. I was a Reiki practitioner. I was also creating these other courses that I was teaching. And then I decided to start making Reiki infused crystal intention candles. I was selling those. I was doing trade shows and like Christmas markets and everything. It was a lot of fun, and I just decided to really immerse myself into the spiritual community and also into business communities. And a lot of well-known or successful entrepreneurs are actually spiritual and they believe in the law of attraction, which is a big thing that I believe in. I've talked to you guys before in previous episodes about, you know, doing these visualizations and visualizing your future being successful, paying attention to what we want to invite into our life rather than the things that we don't want. And I believe that that's a huge part of being able to live the life that you want to live. Now in this last year, I started taking a year long program with my incredibly amazing coach, Kacie Knight. She is so fantastic. I love her, and she has really helped me to tune into and strengthen my intuition even more. And then I was also at the beginning of the program doing the evolutionary alchemy sessions and learning how to teach those in the activations. Those sessions honestly changed my life. I am so much calmer now. I respond rather than react most of the time. I'm able to really see things from different perspectives and I don't get so worked up by the little things, or even my career as a sonographer. When I was having a bad day, it would really get to me. And it doesn't get to me near as much anymore. I don't get near as frustrated. I don't let those little things bother me. I have a much clearer sense of direction. I can really follow my intuition and I'm so much happier now. I know what's available and I'm able to surrender and to start to trust that what is coming for me is going to be absolutely incredible. I don't have this like need to control everything anymore. Instead, I have this sense of inner peace that I never used to have, and I'm a lot more confident in myself and in my relationships. And over time I've attracted healthier relationships to me and I've been able to develop healthier conflict resolution skills with my partner as well. Not only that, but the activations are absolutely magical. Like they are so incredible. They're so much fun, and I feel, and everyone that I've worked with feels absolutely amazing after doing them. So I'm. Incredibly proud of myself for taking this journey, and I'm so grateful to my coach for helping me through this and everything that I've needed to let go of. I'm so excited to be able to share these activations and these feelings and this magic with the world and to get it into your guys' hands, and then you can allow that to ripple out as well, and we can start to change things for the better. Like, I am not gonna sugarcoat it. Things are crazy right now. Everything is being deconstructed and broken down in order for us to evolve, but it takes us doing those things, those scary things, and moving forward and rippling out the good. Seeing the good each other and coming together in community and in collaboration in order to be able to really evolve and to bring in our new reality. And right now I'm also doing the transformational journey facilitator coaching. That's where I'm learning to do coaching programs, where I'm gonna be able to make up my own. Coaching packages. I can do workshops and retreats, and so I am so excited to be able to do all of that. My dream, honestly, is to be able to host like spiritual self-love retreats all around the world. I wanna do some in Mount Shasta. I wanna do some in Hawaii, Sedona, Spain, Italy, Costa Rica. I obviously wanna do something in Canada as well. I'm planning on doing one in September in Canmore this year, like 2026. I am so freaking excited for it, this is my passion. I have such a passion for showing women especially, and helping them understand that you can live a life you love. You don't have to settle. You can have everything that you want in life, and you don't have to keep entering into these toxic, abusive relationships. You deserve so much better. And I want women to know that, if you build a strong connection and relationship with yourself. That you can ripple that out into your external reality and invite in the people that are healthy for you, because our external reality is a reflection of our internal. That's what I did. I have experience in this. I was constantly entering into toxic, abusive relationship. And now I'm in a healthy one that I'm so happy in. I want other women to experience that because so often we settle for less than we deserve and we put others before ourselves. So that has kind of been like an overall version of my spiritual journey. There's so much more to it. But another thing that I wanted to share with you, which is quite difficult and really hard for me to share is my light language. And this is something that I've shared with maybe two or three people in my life. I don't do it super often. It's kind of something that I do when I'm meditating or doing clearing for myself. So it's quite new for me to share with other people, but I'm feeling called to share it with you right now. And for any of you who don't know, our light language is, it's our soul's language. Our soul's frequency. So our conscious mind can't really process and interpret it. You learn to feel it in your body. Allow yourself to feel and take a breath in and just accept and receive it. It might resonate with you. You might just be like, oh my God, this is so amazing. This makes me feel so good. Or you might kind of be repelled by it because it's not your soul's frequency, and that's perfectly fine. If you need to skip over this part, that's okay. But if you do decide to listen to it, just close your eyes and allow yourself to feel into it. And feel free to share your thoughts with me. Share how it felt to you, because like I said, this is really scary for me to do and I haven't really shared this with anyone, even my family members. Okay, so here we go. Take a deep breath in. Allow yourself to open up and I am going to share with you a light language for abundance and to release the block so you can allow yourself to be in tune with yourself.

Speaker 3 23:49

Um, Sheika Louis, Tina.

Speaker 24:16

Uh. Ali, she could

Speaker 3 24:36

I take a deep breath in.

Speaker 2 24:41

And just allow that to sink into your body, feel into the frequencies of it. And then we are gonna move on to number two. So this is a topic that I have also barely shared with anyone, um, even those that I hold closest to me. So it is a little scary for me to share. Um, but that is that in the past I have been in poly and open relationships. So for those of you who don't know, I am bisexual. I had questioned my sexuality for quite some time, but it wasn't until about five years or so ago that I started to explore like what felt right for me. And as I was dating, I found that I couldn't always form as deep of an emotional connection with women. I enjoyed those relationships, but I always felt like there was something kind of missing emotionally, and it might have simply been because it was new, um, because I wasn't fully allowing myself to become as involved. I'm not sure. I was somewhat emotionally withdrawn in all romantic relationships in the past, so. But any which way this led me to begin exploring different connections. I am very open-minded and very curious as well, and so I don't remember exactly how, but I decided to try something new. And at one point I started dating a woman who also had a male partner. Then after a couple of months, I also started seeing someone else. Neither of those relationships worked out, so later on I ended up, actually, I started dating a couple. It was a very new dynamic for me, but I learned a lot from that experience and I deeply appreciate and value both of those individuals. I do just wanna take a moment to say that I can only speak from my experiences and that I am by no means at all an expert when it comes to the poly community. However, I also think that this lifestyle is highly misunderstood. There has definitely been a shift in recent years, even from when I was growing up, but I felt like when I was growing up, at least, it was kind of conditioned into our subconscious that monogamy is the moral route, and anything outside of monogamy is taboo and is not acceptable. From my experience, I also believe that people kind of tend to associate, when they think about it or you know, when it's being explained to them or like they kind of seem to associate being in a poly relationship as equivalent to the feeling of cheating and how that feels to a person. But when someone is cheating, one of the things that's the most traumatic is the dishonesty and the deceit. We feel like we're not good enough and we're not worthy. We wonder what we did wrong, and sometimes we even punish ourselves or we think poorly of ourselves in some way. It's often a mentality of well, what did I do wrong to make them seek attention or satisfaction elsewhere? Where am I not good enough? What am I not doing? In these situations, the trust is gone and it's very difficult to get it back. Some people can and that's great, but a lot of times, you know that trust doesn't come back. That is a completely different feeling and is typically very traumatic to an individual. Like I have been cheated on multiple times in the past, so I just wanna remind you that you are so worthy of being in a healthy, happy relationship where you are fully loved and appreciated. Here are some of the lessons that I learned about open or poly relationships. Open, honest communication is the most important aspect. Without this, you can't have a strong relationship. Period. You have respect for your partners and all partners are entering into the relationship knowing like what it is. You're all on the same page. That's also very important and that's a big, distinguishable factor as well between. You know, like it's completely different. And if you're both going into a relationship thinking, okay, this is a monogamous relationship, and then all of a sudden one partner is like, no, actually now I decide that I want to be poly, or I want to see other people as well. In that case, that's something that you have communication around and you discuss and you both have to either decide, okay, do we both want this or is this not for me? But typically with poly relationships, you enter into that relationship knowing exactly what you're getting into. And just because you have more than one partner does not make you love the others any less. Like yes, typically you have one partner who's kind of your main person, but in an ethically poly relationship, having multiple partners does not mean anyone is less valuable. Each individual is still deeply loved and appreciated. I honestly think that we can learn a lot about ourselves when we stay open-minded and when we don't place ourselves inside a box. I wanted to share this with you guys because I am really working on strengthening my relationship with myself, and I truly think the greatest act of self love is being able to fully express ourselves and fully allow ourselves to be who we truly are and just let that be. Knowing that, you know, if someone doesn't like that, that's fine. That's on them. If they don't need to be in our field, we don't need them. But it doesn't reflect on who we are as people. It doesn't, it's not a reflection of our worth or our value. It just means that person has either stuff that they need to work on or they're just not for us. And that's perfectly okay. We can't be for everyone. But I also want to be able to connect on a deeper level with the people who are meant to be in my field. I want to be able to share my full self and share my magic, and I want to be able to inspire others to do the same. Okay, number three. I have realized that I am afraid to be seen trying. I'm afraid to be visible, like I have a certain threshold that I'm comfortable with, but anything above that is really scary to me, and that's something that I've been working on. And I've also uncovered that I have a bit of a fear of success. My inner knowing my soul knows that I am meant to be up on stage. I am meant to be speaking and sharing my gifts and helping to guide others through these lessons that I've learned. But there's also a part of me that is terrified of that. It feels really good and expansive when I am really tuned in. But if my, if I let my ego get in the way, then it's scary. I have a fear of being in the spotlight. I have for quite some time. Which is funny because I was an athlete growing up and I was a figure skater, and so I was in competitions a lot. I was often in the spotlight by myself, but I never really, okay, I should say this. So if I can allow myself to be in the moment and get outta my head, I enjoy it. I get into the flow. I love it. I'm so happy. I'm in the zone, and I'm like, this feels magnificent. This feels amazing. However, I have to be able to get outta my head because if I'm in my head, if I'm allowing the fear to take over, then it is terrifying and it doesn't flow and it doesn't feel good. It feels constrictive, and it doesn't resonate with people. So I have noticed a lot of the time, especially in, you know, getting my business started, like I, I was working on my business several years ago, and then I kind of had something that happened where I had to pivot and I couldn't do it for quite a while. And so now I'm getting things started again. And I've noticed that a lot of the times I know the steps that I need to take or that are right for me to take, but for some reason I keep holding myself back and not following through with'em. I tend to do things that feel like they're moving me in the right direction, but they're also somewhat a distraction to keep me from doing the thing that I actually need to be doing to move forward. I am also realizing that I have a block around marketing my services. So putting myself and my offers out there is very awkward and difficult for me to do. Like I just freeze up. I don't know how to talk about them. I don't know what to say. And when people work with me, everything flows and they have amazing experiences and they're like, this is absolutely incredible, Ariana. I'm so grateful for this. And there's, I literally have people from when I was doing Reiki that years later have come up to me and been like, Ariana you were right on point with that. And I took that advice and now it's changing my life and I am finally feeling called to do these things that I was holding back from. When I'm in the zone and when I am leading the experience or when I'm speaking up on stage, it flows and it feels so good. But to talk about it, to market it, to try to explain to you what I do and how I do it, I just freeze up. It feels so incredibly awkward to me, and I just don't know what to say. It doesn't come naturally to me to be able to share it. I know that I need to put myself out there in order to be able to help people, and I know that it's inviting people into a conversation and I don't have an attachment to, if you don't feel called to do it, that's perfectly fine. It's not for you. Okay, awesome. I still like, I want to be able to invite in the people who want to work with me and I know. On a conscious level that there are people out there who would be so happy to pay me for my services and that there have been people who have been so happy to pay me for my services. But there's still a block and I'm still scared to be seen trying. And something that was really interesting for me, um, was that I was recently doing a Fascia Codes workshop. And I had a message come through that I have some ancestral blockages or like trauma around building a business and around being successful in a business. Because in the past, women in my lineage weren't allowed to build a business. It wasn't acceptable. And so this subconsciously has held me back. But I'm ready to let go of those contracts and those beliefs. So I have decided to honor my ancestors and myself by doing the healing and moving forward with building my podcast and my business and inviting people in. So if this is something that you notice within yourself too, if you have this resistance, if you're, you know, like you're the type of person where you're realizing that you're scared to be seen trying as well in any part of your life. I'm not talking just business related. Something that you can do is just sit down, take a few deep breaths, get into like, you could go into a meditative, uh, state, start doing meditation. Really allow yourself to align and if you know how, become a clean and clear channel. And then ask yourself, why am I so afraid of this? What am I actually afraid of? Then when that answer comes be like, okay, and what else? What else? What if it does work out? Is there anything that I'm afraid of there? Where am I afraid to be seen trying? When we do these things that are so difficult for us to do, that's where we have the biggest growth. It gives us confidence and that drive to keep going. It gets us out of that feeling of like being stuck, and it helps us to love ourselves more. But if we don't follow through with the messages that our intuition or the universe gives us, especially when we've said that we would do whatever it takes or whatever it wants us to do, then our intuition is gonna become blocked. When we don't express our creativity just for the hell of it, just for the fun of it, our intuition becomes blocked and we can't be a clean and clear channel. I wanna ask you, does it inspire you to see other people trying? Like, would you look at someone else and judge them the way that you judge yourself? Do you feel more inspired by the people that you see try and who allow themselves to be vulnerable? Or are you more inspired by the person who only talks about or posts the highlights of their life once they've made it? Oh, hey, look at me. I've made it, but they don't share the raw journey behind what it took to get there. Which of those two people inspires you the most? And then turn that on yourself. Like, why do you think if, if the person that you get to see them try and you get to see their journey and the behind the scenes, and if you appreciate that, then why do you think that other people wouldn't appreciate that with you? So it's important to train yourself to understand that no matter what the outcome is, it's important to just trust and surrender, to let go of any attachment to the result. And just trust and know when we take that action and we really step through the fear, it ends up creating a ripple effect that shows the universe, that shows your higher power, that shows your inner knowing like, I'm here for this, I. I'm going to put in the work. I trust you. And so if you wanna keep being given the next steps to take, then we have to honor what our inner knowing, what the universe is telling us to do, we have to take those steps forward. Otherwise, it's just gonna stop giving us them because we're not taking it seriously. So if you're feeling up to it, I invite you to sit with this question. What's one part of yourself that you've been holding back? What's one part of yourself that you've been holding back, and what's one step that you can take to move forward in that area of your life? Thank you so much for tuning in today. I am so happy to have you here. If this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to subscribe and rate the show. Your feedback helps us reach more people and create more impactful content. If you have any suggestions for things that you would love to hear about, feel free to reach out. We truly appreciate it. And again, I wanna remind you, you are not too much, you are not behind. You are not broken. You are worthy, you are whole, and you are already everything you're seeking. This is reclaiming me. Until next time, be gentle, be bold, be you.