How to Fight Better: Strengthening Bonds Through Healthy Disagreements

Healthy Conflict Without Blame: Replacing the 4 Connection-Killers

Ariana Reinhart shares how to bring up hard conversations in a way that feels safe and collaborative, emphasizing that conflict isn’t the problem... rather, how it’s handled is. 

She explains how nervous system regulation reduces escalation and offers practical setup tips: ask if it’s a good time, lead with your intention, use one current example, name your feeling and need, keep a calm tone, and frame issues as “us vs. the problem.” 

She breaks down four damaging patterns—criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling—and gives alternatives such as clear, doable requests, taking  responsibility, seeking clarity, practicing fondness and appreciation, and taking structured breaks with a clear return time. 

She invites listeners to reach out for evolutionary alchemy sessions and gauges interest in a free small group for women to rebuild connection in their relationships through meaningful conversations and a spontaneous date experience in 21 days.

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Transcript

Ariana 0:00

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Reclaiming Me. In this episode, we're talking about how to bring up difficult topics without your partner feeling blamed or attacked, and without you feeling like you have to, like, win to be heard. We're also breaking down four common conflict patterns that kill connection. Those are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, and replacing them with simple connection-building alternatives that you can practice right away. It's important to note that conflict isn't the problem. It's how we handle it that can be a problem. And so as difficult as these discussions can be, sweeping things under the rug only ends up leading to resentment. Healthy conflict, on the other hand, is an integral part of any relationship. And once you learn how to navigate these discussions in a productive way, they can actually bring you closer together because you understand each other on a deeper level. And as I'm talking about these common conflict patterns, I encourage you to keep an open, reflective mind and try to notice if there are any patterns that you tend to revert to when you are getting into arguments. And that's not even necessarily just like with your partner, but maybe it's friends, family, um, it's coworkers, whoever. Just notice if there are certain patterns that you have a tendency to kind of turn to. The first step is knowing. It is understanding and acknowledging. And then after that, then you can understand how to catch and correct that behavior when it starts to come up. And please always remember to have patience with yourself. If healthy conflict communication is something that you and your partner need to work on, or even that you need to work on yourself with the confrontations that you have, chances are that you're both gonna experience some hiccups along the way. And that's totally normal. The point is to strive for growth and healthier communication over time. You can't just expect yourself to master it all at once. And so as you make it a habit and work on regulating your nervous system, regulating your emotions, then you're gonna notice that healthy communication also becomes easier. The conflict is always harder and always escalates when our nervous system is in the sympathetic, and when we're in that fight, flight, freeze, fawn, when we're not feeling safe, when we're not feeling emotionally regulated, any of that. If our nervous system is dysregulated, we are so much more likely to escalate into things. When we get triggered, it escalates. So if you can learn to bring yourself into a calm state and to like decompress your nervous system, things will become so much easier. And if you're unsure of how to start this or if you would appreciate some guidance, please feel free to reach out to me. One thing that I can also offer is evolutionary alchemy sessions. And so some of these sessions we just work on getting rid of all the heaviness that we're holding onto, being able to come back into alignment so that we can be a clean and clear channel. And believe me, being able to let go of all that shit, which we take on every single day throughout our day, is so freeing. You feel so much lighter. You feel so much better. And by doing these evolutionary alchemy sessions, there's multiple of them. They're absolutely incredible. Doing them helped me to understand myself so much better. It helped me to-- like there were times where I went and spoke with my future self. There were times where I went back and healed past trauma. There are times that I healed the inner-- like the divine feminine and masculine and inner child within me. There are times where we went out and played like with our inner child. There are so many different activations, and they are all so incredible. And after doing all of them, like I am a-- I honestly feel like a completely different person now, and it has helped me in being able to navigate my relationship a lot better as well. It has helped to regulate my nervous system, to help me to regulate my emotions, to calm me down, and I am able to approach these, difficult conversations in a much calmer and like just in an easier manner, in a calmer manner. I'm able to really listen to the other person, see their perspective, be able to take accountability, and respond to them rather than react when it comes to th-that conflict in my relationship. So it has made a huge, huge difference for me. And if you wanna try them out, if you feel like maybe you just need a little bit of help, or you're always feeling like you're in fight, flight, or freeze, or you feel unsafe in certain situations, you have a lot of trauma, anything like that. If you have a lot of trauma, I would recommend going to a professional. But if you just wanna check them out, if you feel like maybe this could help you, if this seems like if you feel that pull towards it, please feel free to reach out to me. I'm doing discounted sessions right now for my practicum. So message me through the fan mail, and we can have a discussion to see if it's a good fit for you. And by the way, if you can't wait to hear more from this podcast, hit the follow button or share your thoughts with me on Instagram at Balanced Soul Awakening. It truly inspires me to hear your stories and your aha moments. Now it's time to grab your favorite drink, settle in, and let's get started You are not too much. You are not too sensitive. You are not too late. Welcome to Reclaiming Me, the podcast for the woman who's ready to stop shrinking and start coming home to herself. Whether you're driving home from another long shift, walking your dog under a quiet sky, or trying to outrun the voice that says you're not enough, this space is for you. I'm your host, Ariana Reinhart, speaker, coach, and your guide on this journey of undoing the noise, shedding the pressure, and rising into who you were always meant to be. This show explores what it really means to heal from toxic patterns, rebuild your confidence, and reclaim the love and life you actually deserve. Here we talk self-worth, healing, boundaries, power, and the sacred process of becoming. Because you were never meant to fit in. You're on the journey back to who you were before the world told you who to be. This is your invitation. Let's begin. Okay, so how do we bring up these hard conversations? How do we set an environment that feels safe for everyone involved, that feels comfortable for everyone involved? And like, obviously, these conversations are always difficult to have, and there can be anxiety with them no matter what. But how do we make it feel like the safest place that we possibly can? So the setup matters more than we think. Our timing, the tone, and even taking responsibility for your own experience are incredibly important. So you can always ask for a good time first. Like, you can just simply ask your partner or the other person, "Is now an okay time to talk about something that's been on my mind?" And if it's not, set a specific time to come back to it. It also kinda depends on both of your approaches. Obviously, if someone's having a really bad day, you're not gonna pile it on by having another really difficult conversation. But it also depends on, like, for example, Branden and I have very different approaches to how we handle our feelings and our emotions. And so I like to confront things head-on. I want to make sure that I'm not feeling elevated or escalated or anything like that. But the more that I sit with things, the more upset I'm gonna become. Because I'm gonna sit there and I'm gonna ruminate on them, and I'm gonna have these conversations in my head, and I'm gonna sit there and think about it, and it's gonna get me more and more agitated or upset. Whereas Branden needs to process things first and really be able to figure out, like, "Okay, what am I feeling? How do I articulate this?" All of that. And so we have two very different approaches. So we had to come up with a way where we're both feeling comfortable at that time to have this conversation together. It's not immediately in the moment, but it's also not two hours or two days later. So figure out that time that works for both you and your partner. That's gonna be a huge one. It is going to set the tone in itself. And then it's important to lead with your intention. sometimes when we're having conflict, the person does not necessarily see our intention, right? We might think that they do. We might think that like, okay, well, they can easily see that we're not coming from a bad place. But that's not always the case, especially if it's something where their senses are heightened and they're feeling like they did something wrong or whatever, they might not understand or be able to see your intention. So lead with that. You can say something like, I'm bringing this up because I care about us, and I want to feel closer, not because I'm trying to criticize you." Something like that can just kind of help lay the groundwork and help them to understand that you're not coming in for the attack. You want to build a deeper connection. And then you can use one clear example and make sure to keep it current. Try not to bring up shit from the past that you guys have already hashed out. Try to avoid, like, the always or never kind of vocabulary and long history lessons. You don't wanna be, you know, over-explaining, mansplaining, anything like that. You don't wanna say "You always do this," or, "You never do this." Try to keep it current. Something that's bothering you right now. And stick to one topic per conversation And then you can name your feeling and your need, rather than their flaw. So it's not, "This is something that's wrong with you." It's, "This is the way I am feeling, and this is what I want or need from this situation. This is how I want to feel. This is how I need to feel," rather than, This is a flaw that you have." For example, if the dishes have gotten really high. I know that's something in our household that, well, neither Branden nor I can stand when the dishes get all piled up and everything. But we also have... We just actually had a conversation about this the other day, where it's like his family always put dishes in the sink. My family always put dishes on the side of the sink on the counter. And so we when the sink is full of dishes, that irritates me, and he doesn't like when they're on the side on the counter. We're usually pretty good with not letting the dishes pile up, but that is something that can irritate us because we have different approaches to that, right? And so you can say like, "I felt overwhelmed when those dishes piled up. Can we come up with a plan that we can both agree on?" And then you're working together to solve the problem rather than attacking the other person or being like, "You did this thing wrong," or, "You don't do the dishes," or, you know, something like that. And it's very, very important to keep your tone and your pace steady. So if you notice that you're getting heated, your voice is getting sharper, or it's getting faster and it's like raising, slow down, lower your volume, because a calm delivery helps your words land the way that you intend. So many people think that the more they raise their voice, the harder they shout, the, more... It's almost like, "I'm a bad bitch. I'm mean," kind of thing. "They're gonna listen to me, and I'm gonna put them in their place." They think that that's more effective, but that's actually not the case. A lot of the times that either-- that kind of makes the other person, shut down, and then they're not really truly listening to you and to the point that you're trying to make. Yeah, they might become scared of you, but it's not gonna lead to healthy communication. It's not gonna lead to them respecting you. And it's not going to be powerful. It's not gonna land in the way that you intend for it to. So the calmer that you can be, the more relaxed of a tone and, like, a conversational tone that you can have where you're approaching it from a position of, Hey, I want to solve this issue," that is going to be the most effective. That is what's going to land for the person that you're having this conflict with. And you can start with like a small yes question to create collaboration. So something as simple as, Would you be open to hearing something that I'm working on?" Or, "Can we try to solve this together?" You want to approach it as a shared problem rather than a character issue. So it's like it's us against the problem, not me against you. And you can say things like, "I think we're getting stuck in this same loop. Can we look at what's happening? And let's pick one thing that we wanna try to change this week, one change that we want to try to implement this week and see if that helps." And you're just-- you're testing it out. You're seeing what works and what doesn't work. So now that we're getting into the common patterns, the first one is criticism. We want to go from criticism to making clear requests. Criticism is when we frame a problem as something wrong with, like, our partner's character. An example is, "You're so selfish," or, "You never even think about me." And so often, even if there's a real issue underneath, that criticism usually lands as an attack, and then the conversation turns into defense. Your partner's going to get defensive, and it's going to escalate instead of it being like a teamwork kind of situation. And over time, it trains both of you to listen for blame instead of listening for the need underneath. It can make your partner even more skeptical of bringing up these conversations because they feel like they're just gonna get attacked and criticized. It makes it harder for them to stay open to your perspective, to your point of view, to what you're trying to say because they're busy protecting their sense of being a good person in your eyes. And I think it's very important to first recognize why our brains often default to criticism when we're hurt or upset. We use criticism as a defense mechanism, and this reaction is rooted in our evolutionary biology and our psychological makeup. It influences how we perceive and respond to emotional pain. So our ancestors relied on quick assessments and reactions to threats for survival, to be able to survive. And this ingrained a tendency to react defensively when we become faced with perceived danger or harm. But back then, it was typically life or death situation, right? In modern relationships, emotional hurt can trigger that survival re- mechanism, and it can cause us to lash out in criticism in an attempt to protect ourselves So some of the psychological factors are emotional self-defense. Criticism can serve as a protective barrier, and by focusing on what the other person did wrong, we can deflect the attention away from our own vuln-vulnerabilities and our own fears, which can be difficult for us to confront. Like our own-- Being vulnerable is not an easy thing. It is a very brave thing to do, and confronting our fears is not an easy thing either, right? And so when we're not comfortable in that, when we're not confident in doing that, we can have a tendency to deflect and turn it onto the other person. It can also come from a projection of pain. So when we're hurt, there's a natural inclination to externalize our pain, and criticizing someone else can be a way of projecting our internal distress outward. It makes the problem seem like it lies with them rather than within us It can also stem from a need for control. Criticizing can give us this false sense of control over a situation. Same as being the loud one, shouting, you know, we really think we're getting our point across, but we're not, and we think it's a form of control, but we're actually losing control of the situation. And by pointing out flaws in others, we feel like we're taking charge of the problem even though we're not, and even though it doesn't lead to constructive resolution. It can also come from misinterpretation of intentions. So when we're hurt, we might misinterpret the intentions of others, and we might assume that their intention is to harm us or it's to neglect us when there actually isn't that intention there. And this can lead to criticism as a way to express our feelings of betrayal or disappointment. So how do we break the cycle? Understanding why we default to criticism can help us to break the cycle. And so by recognizing these patterns, we can practice alternative responses that really foster that connection and that proper communication rather than conflict. Ways that we can do this is approaching our hurt feelings with curiosity and openness, seeking understanding before we react, and expressing our needs without blame. All of those can transform how we handle emotional pain, which will eventually lead to healthier and more supportive relationships. Some of the practices that you can do, when you notice criticism coming up are swapping labels for specific examples. You might replace things like, "You're inconsiderate," with, "When you start scrolling on your phone while I'm talking, I feel very dismissed and unheard." You can practice reframes. Instead of saying, you never come and give me a hug," or, "You never console me when I'm upset," change that into something that lands differently. So maybe you say something like, You know, I really appreciate when people show me that they're concerned about me or show me that they're there for me and wanna offer support by giving me a hug. Is there any way that in these situations you think you might be able to do that for me? It would really help a lot. It would make me feel seen and heard and loved and supported." And you can make a request that's doable and concrete. So you can ask your partner, "Can you please put your phone down for like the next 10 minutes so that I can finish expressing what I need to express right now?" Focus on one change at a time. So if you come into the conversation with this big, long list of all these things that you wanna change and all these things that you feel like are lacking in your relationship or your partner doesn't do, your partner's gonna hear, like, I'm failing. I'm not holding up to this person's standards. I'm not being a good partner," that kind of thing, rather than, We can improve together." And you can balance the complaint with what is working, and sometimes this is a great thing to do. You can say, "Hey, I have this issue, but also I really wanna recognize the things that you are doing. I really wanna recognize the things that are great between us. And so I just wanna share with you that I really appreciate how you handled," like if you have kids, "I appreciate how you handled bedtime last night. Can we also figure out a plan for the morning?" Another big thing is that you can use "I would love" language to soften the point that you're trying to make or, soften the blow. So if you say something like I would love it if we could check in for 10 minutes after dinner instead of you never talk to me. Or I would love if we could cuddle for 10 minutes before we go to sleep. I would love if we could start doing a gratitude practice before bed or first thing in the morning. Something like that, but approaching it with, "I would love if we could do this." And be specific about the moment you want to change. So you can name the time, the place, or the situation so that it's clear what you're referring to. "In this situation, I feel this." Another thing you can do is to offer two options if you're not sure what might work. So you can say "Would you rather we do this in the morning or after work?" Because giving your partner that choice can reduce resistance and increase follow-through. They feel like they have some sense of autonomy, and you're not just being like, "Okay, this is what we're gonna do." It's, "No, I have a say in this as well." The second pattern is defensiveness. Defensiveness is when we protect ourselves by denying, explaining, counterattacking, or, like, turning the spotlight back on the other person. And we often do it before we've really even understood what our partner is saying to us. It kind of makes sense as a reflex, but it usually escalates conflict because the other person feels unheard. And the more you defend, the more your partner tends to push harder to, like, prove their point, and then you both end up arguing about the argument. You're not getting to the actual issue. This is something that one of my past partners used to do all the time. He would turn... He would deflect and get really defensive, and then he would turn it into a big argument about the argument, and it was so frustrating and so aggravating for me because I was like: What the fuck are we even arguing about right now? Like, this is absolutely ridiculous. We're not even discussing the real issue. We're not discussing what I came in here to talk about. Like, what are we doing? And then it just created this whole other problem, but we never actually resolved anything. It can become incredibly frustrating and incredibly damaging for your relationship. And so it blocks repair because it keeps you focused on being right. You feel like, "Well, now I have to defend myself because this person is doing this, and they're attacking me about this, and so I have to defend myself now." And so you're trying to focus on I'm actually a good person. I didn't do this thing," or whatever, instead of resolving that issue so that you can be more deeply connected. And so recognizing when you're slipping into defensiveness during a conversation can be challenging. But with anything, the more you practice it, the easier it's going to become. And so some simple strategies that you can work on to help catch yourself and shift back to a more constructive interaction are things like noticing physical cues. So pay attention to signs like a racing heart, clenched fists, or really shallow breathing. These are often physical indicators that you're becoming defensive. You're going on the defense. Your nervous system is elevating. It's getting activated. And so when you notice these cues, just take a moment to take a deep breath and relax your muscles You can also listen for triggers. So be aware of specific words or tones that typically trigger your defensiveness. Recognizing these can help you to take a moment to pause and refa- reframe your response before reacting. Maybe you want to use a mental check-in. So when you're feeling defensive, you can ask yourself a quest- a quick question like, "Am I trying to be right or am I trying to understand?" This can help shift your focus from defending your position to being curious about your partner's perspective Another strategy is to pause and reflect. So before responding, take a brief pause, take a breath, and consider what your partner is actually saying. Take a moment to really process what they're saying to you before you respond. And then reflect on whether you're responding to their words or your interpretation of their intent. And maybe you need to seek some clarity. So if you're unsure why you're feeling defensive, ask your partner for clarification. Like, "Can you explain what you mean by that?" And this not only gives you more information, but it also shows your willingness to understand. And sometimes we interpret it in a way that is completely different than what they were intending. So if you're not clear on what they're actually meaning, some people think like, "Well, if I ask them that question, then they're gonna get all upset and everything." Not necessarily. They're more likely to get more upset if you just react to what you think was their intention, rather than if you calmly approach and ask them like, "Hey, I just wanna be clear. Can you please try to explain it a different way? Or what did you mean by that? I want to make sure that I'm fully understanding what you're trying to tell me." That's gonna lead to much better conflict resolution than just getting defensive. By incorporating these strategies into your interactions, you can start to transform these defensive moments into opportunities for deeper understanding and connection. So to recap on this, you can start with one sentence of responsibility, even if it's small. Taking responsibility will help the other person to feel heard, and it will help them to stay calm and not to feel heightened or activated. A lot of the times, all people really want is for the other person to take responsibility for their actions or to apologize, and then you can move on. Reflect before you respond. You can say something like, "So what I'm hearing is that you felt alone in that moment. Is that correct?" You can ask your partner what would help. You can ask, "What would you like from me right now? Do you want me to listen to you? Do you want me to... Like, are you looking for an apology or are we problem-solving something?" And this is a good one for men to learn too because when a woman is coming to them with something, even if they're just venting, men have a tendency to want to solve the problem. And so they're gonna try to give you examples or ways to solve it. But a lot of the time, a woman is just venting to her partner just because she needs to vent. She just wants to feel heard, and she wants to feel supported, and she doesn't necessarily need a solution. Chances are she's probably tried to come up with some. It's great to ask their partner before you get started, "What do you need from me in this situation? Like, do you need me to just listen? Do you just want my support, or are you looking to solve a problem and you want me to try to, like, give my opinions on what might help with the situation?" You can separate intent from impact. "That wasn't my intention, but I can see how it landed that way. I'm really sorry." Saying something like that can really deescalate things. Okay, so the third pattern is contempt, and we want to replace it with, like, fondness or admiration for our partner. Contempt shows up as sarcasm, eye-rolling, mockery, name-calling, or talking down to the other person, basically communicating to them "I'm better than you." And it's especially damaging because it attacks the person rather than the problem, and it erodes the sense of safety and respect over time. Contempt is particularly toxic because it turns conflict into humiliation, and most people can't stay emotionally close to someone who treats them with disgust. So even small moments of contempt can linger, because they signal that the relationship isn't a safe place to be imperfect. We're all human. We're all imperfect. We're all gonna make mistakes. Contempt often shows up when we feel powerless, and it comes out more frequently in people who have a tendency to subconsciously give their power away. So the more secure you become within yourself, the less likely this pattern is to emerge, and the easier it is to approach or to see your partner with that fondness and that admiration instead. Branden and I thank each other and try to recognize the things that we do all of the time, even if it's something small. We'll thank each other for doing the dishes, or emptying the dishwasher, doing the laundry, vacuuming, going and getting groceries, anything. And then we try to show each other that like we really appreciate each other, and we really appreciate the things that we do. And again, this kind of stems back into the last, I think it was the last episode, um, of your love languages. And Branden and I, one of our top love languages is acts of service. So those acts of service really mean something to us when they're done for the other. I don't know if that makes sense. Like if he does something for me, an act of kindness for me, I really, really appreciate that, and vice versa. So when it comes to contempt, you can gently call out the tone and reset. You can say something like, "I'm noticing that I'm getting snarky and I don't wanna talk to you like that. Can we please restart?" Or, "Can I take a beat? Can I take a minute and kinda recompose myself?" Another big thing is to use I miss you language instead of you're the problem language. "I miss feeling like we're on the same team," or, "I really miss when we did this," and give an example of something that you guys used to do together that you had so much fun doing or that brought that spark, and just see, like, can you guys bring that back? Another thing that I used to do that was kind of fun is, I can't remember if it was every... I think it was once a week. It was either every day or once a week at the end of the day or beginning of the day, whenever. We'd have a jar set out, and we would put something down that we appreciate about that person or something we wanna congratulate them on, something we're proud of them about, and you would put it in the jar. I think we did it daily, and then at the end of each week, we would pull them out and read them, or you could do it in a moment when you're feeling upset or something like that, and you can read these things that your partner appreciates about you, and it actually feels really, really good. It's a fun little activity to do, so I encourage you to try. Another thing is to name the effort, not just the outcomes. So it's important to acknowledge, like, "I noticed that you tried to stay calm earlier. That really mattered to me." And you can use a warm startup when you're irritated. So you can begin with a positive, "I love you and I want us to feel good tonight," before you bring up the issue. Then the last pattern is stonewalling. Stonewalling is when someone shuts down, they go silent, they leave the room, or mentally check out because they're overwhelmed. It's not the same as taking a healthy pause. Stonewalling cuts off that connection without any kind of plan to return, and it can feel like abandonment to the other person. So a healthy break is communicated, it's time-limited, and it includes a clear return point. Whereas stonewalling is vague, it's indefinite, and it often comes with a like, "Fine, whatever," kind of energy. So the goal isn't to force yourself to keep talking when you're flooded. It's to pause in a way that protects the relationship instead of punishing it. You want to learn to find ways to self-soothe instead of shutting down. And stonewalling is a very common tactic for men to use, and o-- it often leaves the woman feeling really alone and abandoned. And it hurts on such a deep level because it feels like a form of being silenced or punished for speaking your concerns. Over time, it can actually lead to the affected partner really starting to shut down instead of speaking up because they feel as though they're never heard, and they're just gonna be silenced once again. So it's important to communicate with your partner what your tendencies or your patterns are, and to come up with a plan on how to navigate these moments of conflict so that you both feel heard and supported. However, if you are the person who tends to do the stonewalling, here are some practices that you can start implementing. The first one is maybe take a structured break. You can say, "I'm getting flooded. I need twenty minutes, and then I'm gonna come back at this time." And make sure you actually come back. You can use a simple body-based calming, like slow breathing with a longer exhale, box breathing. Maybe you go get a glass of water. Maybe you go for a short walk. I know that going for a walk is one of the things that I like to do when I'm feeling really agitated. Maybe you do some stretching. Anything that kinda helps to bring your nervous system down a notch And during the break, don't rehearse your argument. But you can ask yourself, like, what's the real issue here? What do I want to understand? And what's one thing that I can own? And then when you return, start with connection before content. So you can say like, "I'm back. I really care about this, and I want to do it better. Can we take it one point at a time?" You can also try a quick sensory reset, so splashing cold water on your face, um, holding a warm mug, stepping outside for fresh air, doing somatic exercises, simple cues that tell your body it's safe again You can do a 60-second unclench scan. So that's where you go from head to toe in your body and you relax all the muscles. You relax your jaw, you drop your shoulders, you loosen your hands, or maybe you tighten and then relax. Okay, so those are the four conflict patterns that we want to try to avoid. Like I said, I highly recommend kind of paying attention to or acknowledging and recognizing, what do you tend to turn to? And then working on eliminating those or approaching it in a different manner. And overall, some things that I just really want to point out are it's so, so important when you're having-- not only when you're having conflict, but like in your relationship, to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. If you're unsure of what they meant, just ask for clarification. But imagine that they're coming with good intentions rather than that they're just attacking you. It's important to listen to understand and not to reply so that both partners can feel seen and validated. And stop keeping score and start choosing growth. Your disagreements should not create distance. They should build understanding. It's very important as well to remember that you are a team. It's not you versus me, it's us against the problem. And some things that you can say when you really want connection, when it feels like you guys are kind of distant, when it feels like you've gotten in that place of like contentment and you're just going with the flow, you're maybe feeling a little more like roommates. You can say, I want us to have an activity that we both love and share together. Can we figure out what that is?" Or, "What is something that makes you feel close to me? I wanna do more of that with purpose and with intention." "I know there are seasons where we become really busy, but I wanna find a way to stay close during those times. What if we tried this?" And if you're at that place where you are kind of feeling more like roommates rather than lovers, or you're kind of lacking that spark right now, you're lacking that passion, I am always looking for ways to be of service to others. So please feel free to reach out to me and let me know what you're struggling with at this time. Also, I'm thinking of running a free small group for women in committed relationships who feel like that spark is kind of gone right now, or who feel like lovers rather-- or who feel like roommates rather than lovers lately. I'm wanting to put this group together. I'm right now just looking to see if there's any interest. And the goal is to be able to have three meaningful conversations and one spontaneous date experience that leave both partners feeling genuinely closer in twenty-one days. I wanna see what kind of results that we can get and what we can achieve together. So if that is something that you're interested in, if you're like, "Yeah, that's a problem I'm having, and yes, that would help me," you can email me, you can reach out to me on Instagram, or you can simply just push the Send Fan Mail button, and that will allow you to message me. Reach out and let me know that you're interested, and we can have a bit more of a conversation about it. Again, I'm looking for interest right now. I'm looking to see if this is something that people would appreciate. But I think it would be a great place for community, for support, and for just... I really want to help people with getting that spark back or getting that, um, deeper connection. I would love to hear from you if this is something that you're interested in. Okay, so I want to remind you that conflict doesn't have to be a sign that something is wrong. It can be a place where you learn how to understand each other more clearly, as long as you have the right tools and you're both approaching it from a place of love. Pick one shift to practice this week. Expect it to feel a little awkward at first, and keep coming back to the same goal. You're staying on the same team while you work through real problems together. And if you slip into old patterns, treat that as information, not failure, and try again with one small repair. These skills are gonna build over time, and consistency matters more than doing it perfectly in the moment. You're probably not gonna get it perfect the first time. Lastly, if this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to subscribe and rate the show. Your feedback helps us reach more people and create more impactful content. We truly appreciate it. You are not too much. You are not behind. You are not broken. You are worthy. You are whole, and you are already everything you're seeking. This is Reclaiming Me. Until next time, be gentle, be bold, be you.