D*** in my hand in the afterlife (Lamar Woods, Ryan Asher)

On this week's episode, Rekha and Waleed are joined by vending machine entrepreneur/victim and the one and only Edgar Allan Poe. Who's ready for some completely normal Poe-ms?

Hosts:
Rekha Shankar
Waleed Mansour

Guests:
Lamar Woods as Charles Washington
Ryan Asher as Edgar Allan Poe
 
Edited by Waleed Mansour

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to another day of viewing on public access television. We hope you enjoy today's programming.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

I'm Reka Shunker.

SPEAKER_03 0:08

And I'm Alive Mansoor.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

And We're Dead. Hello and welcome to We're Dead, the afterlife's premier cable access show.

SPEAKER_03 0:18

Yeah, where we get a chance to talk to dead people, get to know them, and build ourselves a little bit of a community. How are you doing, Rayka? I'm good. You're good.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

That's great. Yeah. Oh, I'm so happy.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

Thank you. Um I'm kind of over Mickey.

SPEAKER_03 0:33

Really?

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Yeah. I realized something really powerful.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

That he got married.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

Yes. And once I really did the soul searching to realize he's married now.

SPEAKER_03 0:45

Yeah. Sometimes it takes a lot of soul searching to realize somebody else is married.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

It's true. And I I just I just I finally got it. I finally got it. He's married.

SPEAKER_03 0:57

Finally sunk in. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

He's married. And and I and I'm ready to move on and just kind of focus on myself.

SPEAKER_03 1:03

That's amazing. And what is your stuff that you're moving on to? You got stuff. What's that stuff? Oh, there's tons of it, I'm sure. You got books that you like to read. You like eating food. You got walks that you take. Feel free to pick up on any of these. What are you doing? You're doing you're going out and high-fiving folks and dancing around.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

That sounds so humiliating.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

I don't know. What are you doing? Tell me what you're up to. Maybe you're hanging out with folks and having a good time and doing barbecues, and everybody's bringing in something that they made at home and complimenting each other's dishes.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Yeah, but then when they all leave, I'm just by myself.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

No, because you basically you hang out with them until everybody's talking, you're like, oh man, I gotta call it. And by the time you're home, you're like, oh, what a fulfilling day. I've had so much fun hanging out with this family. I would love to chit-chat with someone. Yes. Yes. You'd love to chit chat. You would love to. You haven't been.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

I would love to chit-chat with someone after that big day.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

Oh. You'd like to talk to somebody after the big long day. Okay. Well, maybe that's for the person that you maybe you can get it back out there and start dating. Start dating other people. Maybe go back on the app and try not to get catfish this time. Try. You don't have to succeed. You can just try not to get catfish.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Well, I did go back on the app.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

You did? Recently? What happened? Did you get catfished again? No, you did not get catfished again. What are you talking about? But did you not see the sign? Okay, who was it?

SPEAKER_02 2:53

First of all, I have a complaint with Afterlife Raya. The people on there are lying. Okay. You need to have more rigorous ways of checking who's on there.

SPEAKER_03 3:01

Really hard without ideas in the afterlife.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

Yeah, really hard without ideas, but figure it out. I don't own the business, you do. Okay, first I got catfished by Thomas Edison. Yep. Uh, so to speak. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 3:13

So who who did you think you were going on a date with this time around?

SPEAKER_02 3:18

Julius Caesar.

SPEAKER_03 3:19

Caesar?

unknown 3:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:21

Julius Caesar?

SPEAKER_02 3:23

Yes, not Augustus.

SPEAKER_03 3:26

Oh no. I don't know. I don't know if the guy who made Caesar salad. Is he isn't like John Caesar? Or do you think that's named after Julius Caesar?

SPEAKER_02 3:33

I think it's named after Julius Caesar.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

Okay, gotcha. All right, so Julius Caesar.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

But I also think it was just invented in Mexico and it's like not related.

SPEAKER_03 3:40

That sounds that sounds correct.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

Wait, so you thought you were going on a date with Julius Caesar and who showed up?

SPEAKER_02 3:46

I I I don't know who showed up. It was like a random man. And I took a lesson and I said, if I'm gonna show up for a random man, it's gonna be Mickey. It's not gonna be I'm over him, but you know what I mean? Like it's what? It's like it's like it's like this is the same thing that happened to me.

SPEAKER_03 4:01

No, if somebody, if somebody lies and says that it's they're pretending to be somebody else and somebody else shows up, even if it's Mickey. Yeah, even if it's Mickey.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 4:10

No, you said if it's Mickey, that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

No, no, not yeah, okay. It doesn't matter who. Yes. If somebody lies to you about who they are, you leave.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

Even Mickey.

SPEAKER_02 4:21

Yeah, okay, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 4:23

Okay, great, good. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

Whatever.

SPEAKER_03 4:25

So you left.

SPEAKER_02 4:26

So I left.

SPEAKER_03 4:27

Good for you.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Thank you. And then I went back on the app.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

No. Okay. Well, yes, okay, good.

SPEAKER_02 4:33

Because I said I have to get back out there.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

I gotta land with somebody who is. And did you go find anybody?

SPEAKER_02 4:40

Yeah. George Washington Carver.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

George Washington Carver! Mr. Peanut Butter himself.

SPEAKER_02 4:45

Yes. And I love peanut butter.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

You do love peanut butter.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

And um this time I said, send me proof.

SPEAKER_03 4:53

Send me proof. Show me proof. Okay. What's the proof he showed?

SPEAKER_02 4:58

You're not gonna leave this.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

Try me.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

Jar a PB. Jar a P B that day's date on it.

SPEAKER_03 5:07

And you think only he could do that?

SPEAKER_02 5:09

I just think who has access to that so quickly?

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Who has access to peanut butter with a date on it?

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Yeah, it was so fast.

SPEAKER_03 5:16

Oh, like the expiration date on it? Like, or produced on?

SPEAKER_02 5:19

It was produced on.

SPEAKER_03 5:20

It wasn't just like written in Sharpie.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

No, no, no. Oh, yeah. Like today's newspaper, like you know, a newspaper.

SPEAKER_03 5:25

Okay, I'll give you that.

SPEAKER_02 5:26

Right.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

Well, good for him for continuing his passion even in the afterlife.

SPEAKER_02 5:29

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 5:30

So did you get to meet up with him yet?

SPEAKER_02 5:32

I wish. I went, showed up. Same day.

SPEAKER_03 5:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

Same day. Okay. I had a breakfast date with Caesar. And I was like, well, lunch will be with George Washington Carver.

SPEAKER_03 5:41

Great.

SPEAKER_02 5:42

I get abandoned on the Caesar. I go, I'm getting a lunch date. I go to meet George Washington Carver. We went to um Afterlife Panera.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

Great.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

I show up. Random man.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

Random man.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

Random man.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

Again?

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Again.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

The peanut butter with the date on it wasn't proof enough.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

No.

SPEAKER_03 6:01

Okay. You just gotta meet somebody in person. How? Just come to come hang out with me. Come hang out with me. I know that you the people that I've been hanging out with, you probably don't want to date.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 6:13

Um because they're like related to you. Or they're not related to you.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

I think it's so nasty that you're hanging out with my family, but they don't really want to hang out with me.

SPEAKER_03 6:21

Well, you're you're claiming it's not your family because they're too fun and they like me too much and they're too proud of me. And they keep saying things about like how how talented I am. Because they're being too kind?

SPEAKER_02 6:32

Yes. You think that's a your family thing and not um sorry, what was after that? Sorry, what was after that?

SPEAKER_03 6:42

I was just gonna say I was just gonna it's okay, we can move on.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

This is the exact type of shit George was saying is like so annoying. Which George? Washington Carver or the guy that was pretending to be him. We're texting.

SPEAKER_03 6:55

This is what the this is what the catfish was saying.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

Yes! Okay. We were talking family stuff. He's actually very nice, but I don't want to see him again.

SPEAKER_03 7:02

The guy that was catfishing.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

Yeah, because I've made a principle.

SPEAKER_03 7:05

Well, good for you. I think you gotta stick, you gotta stick to your guns.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

Okay, so you're hanging out with my family. What else?

SPEAKER_03 7:11

What else am I doing, or what am I doing with them? What are you saying? What's the question?

SPEAKER_02 7:16

What else is going on that's not that?

SPEAKER_03 7:17

Oh, that's not that. Um, I have decided that I'm going to try and be the equivalent of a professional football player here. Just a kicker though. Just a kicker, though.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

Why just a kicker?

SPEAKER_03 7:33

Because, you know, as we've talked about, like CT sticks with you into the afterlife.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

And no one who kicks gets hit in the head.

SPEAKER_03 7:40

No, they don't get hit in the head.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

Is that true?

SPEAKER_03 7:43

I think for the most part it's true. As I've been practicing, nobody's hit me in the head. The ball might donk don't go off your head everyone's awesome if you're really bad. If you're so bad you kick it into the goalpost and it flies all the way back and donks you in the head. But that might but that's never happened to me. Well, it happened one time to me, but it's never gonna happen to me again.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

It already happened to you once?

SPEAKER_03 7:59

It happened to me one time when I kicked it off the goalpost. Yes, I kicked off the goalpost. I was too close to it, and I think I because I thought I'm not very good at this, I should kick really close to it. So I was like 10 yards away, so I hit it and it joined and it hit me in the head. But now I'm already getting better, so I'm going from farther back and it's fine. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 8:20

Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. You gotta fill your time with something.

SPEAKER_03 8:23

Yeah, so they have like American football, they have like the equivalent of the NFL, the um afterlife football league. Yeah. And I, you know, I want to join it. It's with like all the cool people that played in the NFL previously.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

That's cool. Which is a blast. That's cool.

SPEAKER_03 8:37

Yeah, some people I've like watched since I was a little kid.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

That's really cool.

SPEAKER_03 8:40

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 8:41

So it should be fun.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

I like that some of these pros in the real world or earth world are coming into the afterlife and they're like, let me like impart some knowledge.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

Yeah, and it's really cool because like, you know, they have like people can watch you as you're training and stuff. And so I feel like a lot of supportive people come out and like cheer me on and clap and say, like, good job, good job, you're doing a great job and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

That's not my family. For sure.

SPEAKER_03 9:04

I'm not saying it's your family. I didn't say specify who it was that came out and what we're doing and what we're going to go eat after and what games we're gonna play at Daven Busters or anything.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Aretha Franklin teaches singing.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

She does. Are you gonna learn, or is that just another kind of way to tell me I need to learn to sing? Well you don't sing, or or you can't sing. However, however you want to say it. One of the one.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

I guess I would normally say don't, but you've you introduced can't into the mix.

SPEAKER_03 9:38

You you seem to assume I was gonna say can't, is what it felt like.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

Sure. It felt like it was really dangling there.

SPEAKER_03 9:46

Yeah. Well, you know. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 9:50

Awesome. Sorry. No, it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

Go ahead and sing something.

SPEAKER_02 9:55

Uh what are we allowed to sing? Uh in cable access. Like happy birthday or you could sing happy birthday.

SPEAKER_03 10:02

You could sing um the national anthem. Okay. You could sing your high school fight song.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

My I don't think my high school had a fight song.

SPEAKER_03 10:11

Your high school definitely had a fight song. Do you want me to sing my high school fight song?

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Yeah, and then I'll try to sing it. Really? Yeah, I'll try.

SPEAKER_03 10:17

Okay. Ready? Dexter High School, we raise our cheers. Faithful to you throughout the years. We'll stand beside you, loyal, we'll be cheering you on to Victory. Oh, Dexter High School. Through thick and thin, we will be there and we will win. Dreadnoughts forever, maroon and white. We will always be true to you. Fight, fight, fight.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Dexter High School, we love you. Dexter High School, it is true. Dexter High School, go on and fight. Fight for maroon and white. That was good. Thank you. That was good. You can sing. Thank you. I don't need you, Aretha. Ignore my call. Yeah, delete my voicemail. Delete the voicemail. Delete the email. I don't need you, Aretha. Well, I'm excited for our first guest today.

SPEAKER_03 11:15

Me too.

SPEAKER_02 11:16

It's it's terrible what happened to him, but I'm glad he's here.

SPEAKER_05 11:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

Please welcome Charles Washington.

SPEAKER_05 11:23

Yeah, yeah. What's good? What's up, Shorty? How you living? What's happening? What's up, Charles? What's going on? What's happening? You know what I mean? It's good to see y'all. Good to see you. So good to see you. Yeah, yeah. No doubt. No doubt. It's been a long life, but a long, even longer afterlife. Afterlife? How long ago did you die? Oh, sure, man. That was like 30 years ago. 30 years?

SPEAKER_00 11:44

You've been here a while.

SPEAKER_05 11:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right before when Tupac got killed, right there. Right before.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Sorry, you said right there.

SPEAKER_05 11:52

I wasn't there, but you know what I mean? Like right there in that moment. Timeline wise. It was like I was checking the news. I was like, oh shit. And then that uh, well, then what happened, happened.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

The reason I was shocked that you said you were right there is because I I know how Tupac died, and I know how you died. And I went, whoa, how do these things meet?

SPEAKER_05 12:11

Oh, I don't know how Charles died. How'd you die, Charles? Well, basically, you know, I worked, I own a couple vending machines, you know, back in my real life or my OG life. Yeah. And uh I was filling one up one day, and then I um it just uh basically shit fell on me. Fell on me, fell on top of me, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 12:30

While you were filling it?

SPEAKER_05 12:31

Yeah, yeah. So while I was feeling it, then it fell on me. It was some bullshit. I died with Snickers on my face, you know what I mean? Now let me know.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

I die with Snickers on my face is one of by the way, and I think they did you dirty by making that your your epitaph.

SPEAKER_03 12:44

Yeah, oh I thought you were gonna say it was one of the coldest lyrics.

SPEAKER_02 12:48

That is one of the coolest.

SPEAKER_03 12:50

I die with snickers on my face.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

That's one of those lyrics someone tells you is cool, and you go, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 12:55

And you're like, nah, nah. I never thought I'd die like that. You know, I come from the fucking I'm from East Orange, used to play ball. And then we used to play a little ball over there. What kind of ball? Basketball? It any kind of ball, round ball, ball, baseball, bouncy ball, whatever. Bouncy ball. You used to play bouncy ball. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Up and down. Up and down, of course. Yeah, beside the side. Boing boy.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

So now when the vending machine fell on you, you were actively filling it. Was it open?

SPEAKER_05 13:26

Uh yeah, yeah. So it was all the snacks came out, flooding out the glass. It was actually quite tragic.

SPEAKER_03 13:31

Was it an instant death, or was the door open, fell on top of you, and you like kind of suffocated?

SPEAKER_05 13:36

Uh it was a little bit of both. Like, so I had to crush my ribs and because of the weight of the machine. I mean, yeah. So then all the snacks start piling on me. I couldn't breathe. Couldn't breathe.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

So it's a combination of crushing your ribs and suffocation from snacks.

SPEAKER_05 13:51

Why don't you eat them? Oh, eat them. No, I don't eat that shit, man. I don't eat stuff. Nah, I don't get down like that. I actually was pretty healthy, you know what I mean? Like I don't really eat like process. Yeah, I was thinking I would get out of it. Maybe somebody called for help, but you know, everybody was over at the Tupac then. Because it's in Vegas, where I was, you know what I'm saying, where I was living at the time. I mean, okay, you were living in Vegas.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

Wait, I have another question. So you used the word vending machine fell on me.

SPEAKER_05 14:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

So to me, I picture kind of wily coyote pardon where where a thing falls from above, like a piano falls from above. Or is it more of a tip over something?

SPEAKER_05 14:29

It was more of a tip over, but I know what you mean. When I tell people that, they always think like it fell from sky, like a piano on top. Yes. Alright, and uh, it was this was just like a day in a life. It happens all the time, actually. It's a lot of happens a lot of people. There's a lot of people out here like that I met. I got a little sport group down over uh uh over in the uh you know vending machine uh sport group area.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

Is it generally people, is it generally people who owned vending machines that were restocking them, or is it a variety of people?

SPEAKER_05 14:56

But sometimes people who just who had a mistake, they shake it too much and it falls on them. You know, sometimes somebody get pushed them, somebody like it's a murder, crime, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 15:06

What a way, what a huge gamble, by the way, to try to murder someone by slowly pushing by slowly pushing an extremely heavy object onto them.

SPEAKER_05 15:13

Yeah, it ain't cool, man. Wiley coyote style. Where y'all from, Bo? Where'd y'all grow up at?

SPEAKER_02 15:19

I'm from Philadelphia.

SPEAKER_05 15:20

Oh, yeah. He's played ball right over there. He used to play ball over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. That's where I grew up right over 45th and uh brotherly love.

SPEAKER_02 15:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 15:28

Yeah, where that, where that? Wow.

SPEAKER_02 15:30

Yeah, I love Philly. You play and you played bouncy ball there?

SPEAKER_05 15:33

Okay, whatever ball was on, I played ball over there. Used to play ball right over there. That's yeah, we're in my home.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

I'm see, I'm hearing the Philadelphia.

SPEAKER_03 15:42

I'm from uh Ann Arbor area.

SPEAKER_05 15:43

Oh, yeah, you play ball over there, too. You used to play ball in Ann Arbor. He used to play ice ball, old ball, you know. Oh, ice ball. It gets cold there.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

You said old ball? You play old ball. You strike me as an old ball player.

SPEAKER_05 15:55

You used to play old ball. Yeah, that's when you get a real old ball that don't got nothing got no use, and we play around with it.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

I think that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 16:02

You play around with it.

SPEAKER_05 16:04

Okay, so hand it to each other. Are there specific roles?

SPEAKER_02 16:07

You hand it to each other, you know what you mean?

SPEAKER_05 16:08

You can't do shit else with it. I mean, why not? Yeah, it was cold out here, man.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

Like literally cold, too. And Arbor can get really, really cold. Which is why it's a good place for ice ball.

SPEAKER_05 16:21

Ice ball, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

Which I've never heard of ice ball. I've heard of hockey, ice hockey. Is it similar to ice?

SPEAKER_05 16:26

You get a little ice and then you wrap it, like you wrap it in, like you know, like pick it into like a shape of a ball. Oh, great, okay, yeah. Throw it around, you know. It's all that passes to each other.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

It's like a really honestly really artisanal sport because you have to create a ball.

SPEAKER_03 16:39

That's great. Okay, so did when you were in an Ann Arbor, were you playing it growing up or was this just No, I used to play ball, you know.

SPEAKER_05 16:46

That's how I used to get down over there. Okay. I just had a couple catches to meet up and play ball with.

SPEAKER_04 16:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:51

But uh to your question, you know, so a lot of people in our um our support group, they've we formed a bigger one because there's people, it's it's face it for people who are ashamed of how they die. You know what I mean? Like because a lot of people die in these silly ways, you know. Like if you get a vending machine fall on you, sometimes like maybe you like choked in an apartment on a hot dog, you know. So we're gonna start around.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

There is no shame in how you die.

SPEAKER_05 17:15

Oh, yeah. I mean, sometimes, but it's silly, you know. It's like she said, it sounded like an acne situation.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

Now, I I I don't mean to like you know be disaster. Disrespect my death like that. I don't mean to be disrespectful, but is there a particularly silly death from the support group that you're like, even I think that's all yeah, what's it?

SPEAKER_05 17:30

Okay. Uh there is one person who like drowned in a dunk tank. So, like, you know, and they sit on the principal, they sit on a dunk tank, like they hit the ball and they tease the little students. He fell in there, and then it's just too deep. And there's too deep.

SPEAKER_02 17:45

And there's so many people around in a dunk tank situation.

SPEAKER_05 17:48

Well, yeah, yo, yo, get out of there. Yo, get him out of this. Get him out of it.

SPEAKER_03 17:52

But also, you're like, oh, this is for comedy. He's trying to make the students laugh.

SPEAKER_05 17:57

Yeah, they're like, ha ha ha, look at him. And he's like, No, I can't breathe. I'm really dying. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:02

Why'd they make it so deep? The only I've seen them before. They're usually like three feet.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

Yeah, what what did they do? A six-foot dunk tank?

SPEAKER_05 18:07

Yeah, way too high. It's deeper than how high. I think he was only like six four. It was only six four. So it's a seven. Well, he must have been seven foot. Yeah, it was crazy. It was deep, yeah. It was deep as fuck. You never know.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

You gotta avoid dunk tanks if you can't swim.

SPEAKER_05 18:21

Yeah, yeah. You know what's crazy? You ever try one of those? So they got a little um, you know, so it can stay physically fit in the afterlife. Yep. It's a little, it's the afterlife uh athletic club down the street. And they got a those pool where the Olympic thing, you know, the little Olympic pools. Yeah, I ain't know that that shit was a real deep, like deep the whole time. Yeah, yeah. So you if you can't, if you don't finish, you're gonna fall. Like you can't.

SPEAKER_03 18:43

Yeah, because you gotta swim. Yeah, do you know how to swim?

SPEAKER_05 18:46

Nah, nah. Me neither! Yeah, so I was in there drowning. Like, I mean, I ain't drowned, but I got out how to just kind of tread. Yeah, yeah. I can know how to tread, you know what I mean? That's awesome. Yeah, I used to swim over there, you know, in Philly too.

SPEAKER_02 18:56

Yeah, you sweat wow, you've done everything.

SPEAKER_03 18:58

But you don't know how to swim, but you used to swim in Philly.

SPEAKER_05 18:59

I used to swim around over there, yeah. In Arbor too, yeah. It was crazy. In Arbor too. I used to swim in action. What about New York? Oh, New York, I used to swim. I used to hang out a pool there too, man. I used to get down. That's where I get out down, you know what I'm saying? I've been around the block, you know. Yeah. Well, I died when I was down, I died about 35. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:14

You died about 35. Yeah, yeah. This is in okay. So you grew up born in 1960 or so.

SPEAKER_05 19:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, where do you where were you raised? Uh over East Orange. East Orange. East Orange, remember. Like New Jersey. New Jersey. Yeah. Oh, I'm I'm so California based.

SPEAKER_03 19:31

I was thinking Orange County. Oh shit. What's East? East Orange is the name of the city or is it neighborhood?

SPEAKER_05 19:35

Yeah, it's the name of the city in New Jersey. Okay. We're back close to Trenton on the east side over there. Gotcha. Yeah. That's awesome. Did you ever play ball there? Yeah. No, well, yeah. You had to.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

You had to.

SPEAKER_05 19:45

What else? What else could I do? You know? Just play ball over the world.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

What kind of ball would you play in East Orange?

SPEAKER_05 19:49

That was basketball most. Oh, that was just regular basketball.

SPEAKER_03 19:51

But when I would go out, I'd try any kind of ball, you know. Play ball in Atlanta. Did you ever try to play ball like uh did you play ball in college or professionally at all?

SPEAKER_05 19:59

Uh no, no, I don't I don't do like organized like that. Just playing with the homies, you know, like on the streets. Passing the old ball. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Bouncing left and right. Come to this money, I don't play ball.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

You know what I'm saying? How did you make a living? Uh was it mostly vending machines?

SPEAKER_05 20:12

Yeah, vending machine. And uh, you know, I just had a I had like three or four. And this was when I live in Vegas, you know what I mean? And I was putting one up over at uh at the hotel. Yeah. Which one? Uh the one uh Circus Circus? No, the one with Monte Carlo. Oh my god. Okay, sorry. Sorry, I guess Circus Circus. Yeah, like you think I'm a silly motherfucker who can't fucking uh live his life, you know what I'm saying? Like silly death equals silly life. No, I'm a serious cat. Yeah, I'm serious cat just because I died in a funny way. I don't think I don't think it's that funny. It's not funny. You can laugh at it if you want.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

Oh, is that part of your uh support group? It's like learning that you can laugh at it. That's wonderful.

SPEAKER_05 20:52

I that's really yeah, that dude choked on a hot dog, we'd be he we'd be clowning his ass. Yeah. We'd always be like, What's for lunch today? We got hot dogs. Oh no, oh no.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

Wow. Now, I have a question because you mentioned you're a really healthy eater, but you work in vending machines.

SPEAKER_03 21:10

Oh, did you feel any shame? Oh, sorry.

SPEAKER_05 21:12

No, no, I think it's no good question. It was a big conflict, you know what I mean? Where we're not, you know what I'm saying? Because it's kind of like, but a lot of cats when I was growing up, they were selling drugs, you know, to the people. So I didn't want to do that. So I figured maybe sell processed food, you know. Yeah, but it's hurt my people that way.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

You have to hurt your people, do it through processed food.

SPEAKER_03 21:28

Uh what's the phrase where you like don't do the drugs that you're selling?

SPEAKER_02 21:32

Oh, uh don't get high on your own.

SPEAKER_05 21:33

Don't get high on your spot. That's exactly the philosophy. It's to call it the 10 Venom Machine Commandments, you know. Wow. Yeah, so you know, don't don't sell venom machines where you live at. That's why you go to Vegas.

SPEAKER_03 21:43

Don't sell vending machines where you live.

SPEAKER_05 21:45

Yeah, don't get high on your own supply. Well, don't get it.

SPEAKER_03 21:47

Why can't you have a vending machine where you live? That feels convenient.

SPEAKER_05 21:51

No, no, because then uh if the cops come, well, and and you know, if the cops come, then they know how to find you because it's at your house. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I do have.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

A question because just from what you've just introduced, are you are these legal vending machines you're putting up, or are you sort of I don't know, yeah, right?

SPEAKER_05 22:06

Okay, I don't see I see I don't have to say about that. I'm just saying they'll sell a vending machine where you got that because if it's a problem, yeah, yeah. If it's they're going to find you, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:14

To be fair, if you saw a vending machine somewhere, you wouldn't be like, that one's not supposed to be there. It's like I don't know where they're supposed to be. And I don't know what it's supposed to be stock, right?

SPEAKER_05 22:23

I put one right here, right here in Afterlife, and somebody come get it. I don't know. Yeah, everyone just assumes it's supposed to be here.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

That's a good racket because if I buy a bunch of stuff from Costco and then I create a vending machine, not saying that's what you did, not saying that's what you did. And I go, yeah, I go, these candy bars cost two bucks.

SPEAKER_05 22:41

Yeah. That's right, right, right. So yeah, those are the 10 vending machine commandments. I remember hearing two.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

But yeah. No, it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 22:48

What else is one of your favorite ones? You don't have to listen. What's one of your favorite ones?

SPEAKER_05 22:52

Uh, let's see. Uh always if you when you when you get to connect, you know, they got the supplier, you always make sure, don't ever get it on consignment. You gotta get it, you gotta pay up front. You know what I mean? Pay up front. You do it on consignment because they're gonna want their money hell sleet of snow. You know what I'm saying? So they come back on you, we'll kill your ass, or you know, sue you for your money.

unknown 23:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:11

Which one? Usually.

SPEAKER_05 23:12

Uh you know, they they they you know, sue you probably. Okay. Yeah, they ain't trying to kill me, you know, for no snacks.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

And that's your favorite commandment.

SPEAKER_05 23:18

Yeah, yeah, because that because uh that's the one that always kept me out of trouble. Yeah, yeah. Because I would owe every time I get the snacks to pay on front, up front. Yeah. So you pay on front, you don't owe nobody nothing. But sometimes they give you on consignment, yeah. You take out the snacks, and then what if they don't make that much money back? They're gonna be coming looking for you. Big, big uh Frito Lay come looking for you. Frida Lake coming after me, they might kill my ass. I mean, not kill me, I'm just saying just in case they listen, you know. But they'll get they'll fucking kill you. Frido Lay will kill your ass. That doesn't surprise me in the least. No, I honestly crazy. They are crazy. Uh Huko, what's the guy's name? Uh, the the drug dealer in Colombia. But yeah, it's worse than that guy. Uh Pablo Escobar. Pablo Escobar.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

Frido Lay is worse than Pablo Escobar.

SPEAKER_05 23:57

Did you say Tuco at first? You were thinking of uh yeah, Tuco from Breaking Bad.

SPEAKER_03 24:04

He honestly might be scarier than Pablo Escobar.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

Yeah, he's pretty scary.

SPEAKER_03 24:09

Tuco's fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_02 24:10

I have a question. If you could fill a vending machine with anything, like stuff that's specifically for you, Charles, what would you fill it with?

SPEAKER_05 24:17

Oh, first of all, I put some sea moss in there. Sea moss. A little tumor.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

Like they sell it at Erewon.

SPEAKER_05 24:24

Yeah, but Erwines, they airwon appropriate that from the black man. So that originally the black man invented C Moss, and now you go to Erawan and then white white people selling it acting like they created that shit. Well, that's the original black man, Dr. Seppi. You gotta do the knowledge, do the time. What's Dr. Seppi? Dr. Seppi is a philosopher.

SPEAKER_03 24:40

I'm sucking what C MOS is. What's CMOS? Get over it!

SPEAKER_05 24:43

Well, you gotta baby, we are in the afterlife. It don't matter no more because we don't have to do that stuff. But Dr. Seppi out here, you know, he he he just uh passed away recently. But um uh sea moss is like uh gelatin-like substance, yeah, and it got all the vitamins you need.

SPEAKER_03 24:57

It's from the earth, like like it's from the earth, but black people invented it.

SPEAKER_05 25:00

Oh well, yeah, some level, like it's like an organic, like from the you know, yeah. Like like an organic supplement. Yeah. It cures like all types of shit. So take a little tablespoon of it every day.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

So you want tablespoons of sea moss in the vending machine?

SPEAKER_05 25:15

Yeah, yeah. So you go, that's what I'll put in there. I'll put a little bit of uh coconut water. Well, that that one is usually in there too. That's nice. Coconut water, keep you hydrated. Um, a little bit of elderberry snacks. Yeah, you know, like elderberry gummy bears or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 25:32

They really are very healthy.

SPEAKER_05 25:34

It's too bad that you died at your life. I know, it sucks. I daddy feel like you would have lived a long time. I would have probably lived like Dr. Seppi lived till like 92. You know, I'm sure he was still fertile too before he died. He was having babies. He was fertile up until 92. I shouldn't talk about that on here.

SPEAKER_02 25:47

No, you can talk about fertility on here.

SPEAKER_05 25:49

No, I don't I don't know if I don't want his fancy. Yeah, I don't blow up Dr. Seppi's spot.

SPEAKER_02 25:53

Why are you saying my dad's fertile? My dad's as infertile as a day is long.

SPEAKER_05 25:59

I'm saying you don't talk about other people's fertility like that. No, okay, I I understand that. That's so fair.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

And you know what? We're gonna cut to commercial really briefly, and then we'll be back. Did you die because of Typhoid Mary? You may be entitled to a settlement. Hi, I'm Paula Di Mateo, and if you died of typhoid, call me at 555-5555. I'm going to sue Typhoid Mary's ass right into the clouds. And we're back. We'll leave. I'm always excited about our guests. There's never been one that I'm not excited about, but we have a real superstar. I know.

SPEAKER_03 26:34

Feels well known, somebody that we all learned about in school, I feel like, especially as Americans, I guess. Please welcome to the show, Edgar Allan Poe.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

Good evening. Just kidding, hello.

SPEAKER_03 26:46

To you, it's always kind of evening.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Yes, yes, yes, because I'm a scary kind of guy.

SPEAKER_02 26:53

I find that so funny as like a vibe, like a scary vibe.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

You know, when I started writing my little poems, I thought they were hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 27:03

You wrote for comedy.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

I was like, this is goofy. The kids are gonna be laughing, and everyone was like, You're scary, Edgar. Am I crazy? You wrote The Telltale Heart, right? I did. Bum ba bum. Yeah, that's Murder Stuff. That's a pretty scary book.

SPEAKER_03 27:17

Is it a book?

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Or is it a poem? In my day, books were poems and poems were books, but you kids.

SPEAKER_03 27:23

It all kind of blends together. I know we get we are obsessed with labels. Yeah, like books. I know poems.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Yes, and I'm polyamorous.

SPEAKER_02 27:32

You're polyamorous.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

Yeah. In the afterlife, I am.

SPEAKER_02 27:34

That's so cool.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 27:36

I'm glad you're polyamorous.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

What is that a pun off of?

SPEAKER_03 27:39

Oh, polyamorous. Polyamor is the thing you're I guess because you said I am.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

Got it. Cool. I liked it.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

Um thank you, Edgar.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

She didn't, but I did.

SPEAKER_03 27:49

That's kind of a good one. I'm glad you caught that. Welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

Thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 27:54

Now, Edgar, you are such a prolific writer. Thank you. Is there any writing you've been doing here in the afterlife that we can look forward to?

SPEAKER_01 28:01

Absolutely. I I've been sort of improvising my poems these days, so I just let a word inspire me. So if you want to go, we can go for it. I would love to like to give me a suggestion. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:13

Okay. Um rack of ribs.

SPEAKER_01 28:15

Rack of ribs. I was in my chamber since the dark behind the curtains. Time for bed, I said. Then my tumbly was rumbly with the rack of ribs. Come back to come out of my ass real hard. That was great. There was a scary, funny story, I hope, about pooping.

SPEAKER_03 28:36

Now in the Oh, okay. Do you see? Okay, I'm trying to I'm trying to wrap my rack. At first, I thought you meant I'm gonna poop my own ribs out of my butt so that I could eat them because I'm hungry.

SPEAKER_02 28:47

Well, didn't you have an invitation at all? I don't know where you got any of that. My interpretation was it's a man sitting in bed and his stomach rumbles and he gets a rack of ribs and then he poops.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

Okay, so both so I'm learning I'm a little, I'm not as clear as I should have been.

SPEAKER_03 29:02

Do you mind explaining it?

SPEAKER_01 29:03

What it was was he was kind of like, time for bed. I had a delicious dinner. It was a rack of ribs, but now that's back to haunt me, dookie style.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Oh and see, this is what I love about your work. Thank you. There's so many ways to enjoy it and interpret it. We all had three different interpretations, and we all loved it.

SPEAKER_03 29:20

Yeah, my visual was insane in my head.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

Well, that's what I like. I like to sort of scare you into your imagination. Correct. You know, that's kind of my thing.

SPEAKER_03 29:27

All right, let's do another one, and this time we for sure will understand the entire context.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

I'll make it as clear as I can. Excellent. Okay. Um gosh, goldfish crackers. Oh, it was a dark and stormy night. I was a man by myself, dick in hand. Bedtime, of course. Oh, rumbly in my tumbly. The goldfish crackers come to shoot out my ass.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:52

You know what? Did you get that one?

SPEAKER_02 29:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

Helped.

SPEAKER_03 29:55

Hearing the first one helped with the second one.

SPEAKER_02 29:58

And actually, I I think we need one more. Because I realized it was my bad. I gave another food.

SPEAKER_03 30:03

You do give another food with it.

SPEAKER_02 30:05

Let's stay away from food. Let's do something totally different. Of course, of course. Okay. I'm a man of many times.

SPEAKER_03 30:11

Uh the concept of greed.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Greed. Okay. Greed. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 30:15

Can eat greed.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

Okay. Midnight the clock hath struck because I'm a dick in my hand, kind of guy. Near my bed, not in it, in a chair. And all of a sudden, as the clock chimes 12, a tumbly rumbly I have, because I'm greedy for a cheeseburger to shoot out my ass.

SPEAKER_02 30:34

So, my interpretation of that one, it's midnight. He's masturbating in a chair next to his bed. It's not in midnight.

SPEAKER_01 30:40

It does feel like I would never sull my sleeping space. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 30:48

Now this character has never jacked off in his bed. Have you ever jacked off in your bed, or do you have something against it?

SPEAKER_01 30:53

I jack off standing up outside in my own backyard. I'm not a pervert. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

I like the wind on my body.

SPEAKER_03 31:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

As I masturbated.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

I really thought you were going to say balls.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

On my balls as well. In my hole. I like the wind. I like it to be a windy day. I like the wind wind shooting up my anus. I'm kind of jack up standing up. Then I've rolled down to the ground to let the wind into the wind in my hole. That is so windy.

SPEAKER_03 31:17

That's classic Edgar Allen Paul.

SPEAKER_01 31:19

That's classic me. The Roman Telltale Heart. The Wind in My Hole. That was my one song that I tried my singing.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

You did a song?

SPEAKER_01 31:26

Yes, it was a pop song.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

When did you die?

SPEAKER_01 31:30

I died on October 7th. Okay, great. Of um, I don't know. We'll look it up. Can't we look it up? I've been dead for so long. I was gonna make up a year, there's no point.

SPEAKER_03 31:40

No, I'll look it up because I'm just curious if like records existed, if like if this was a recording that you had of a October 7th, 1849.

SPEAKER_02 31:49

So CDs were around. CDs were not 1849.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Pretty sure I had a Zune? No.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

That was definitely I would say 2000s. I would say 2000s lost it for eight months. Okay, well weird memories. Okay. Um that's also awesome. I think you I think all of that was awesome.

SPEAKER_03 32:12

Why would he greedy for a cheeseburger? It's okay to have a cheeseburger.

SPEAKER_02 32:15

Because he'd had so many before. See, this is the element I haven't gotten from each of the stories is that you had already eaten the thing that we're talking about. That you're not just going to seek it because you're already hungry.

SPEAKER_03 32:28

No.

SPEAKER_02 32:29

No, I've had it.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

No, no. Uh you there are two different types of grumbly tumbleys. Grumbly tumbleys. And one, of course, is when you are hungry for free. Right. And the other is when you have to take a big shit.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

So each time I've misinterpreted it as hunger. Yes. No, no. I'm my son. I've eaten so much I'm a binge eater. Famously. You've binge eaten cheeseburgers. You go to masturbate in a chair next to your bag. I can't finish.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

I can't chill because my tumbleys, me rumblies.

SPEAKER_03 32:55

I have been there. I have been there. Who hasn't? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:57

It's hard. If you're full.

SPEAKER_03 32:59

Man, I think now I'm wondering if Winnie the Pooh stole from you or if you stole from Winnie the Pooh. Go on.

SPEAKER_01 33:07

That fucking guy, second cousin of mine.

SPEAKER_03 33:09

You and Winnie the Pooh.

SPEAKER_01 33:11

Yeah, yeah. I'm the creepy guy. He never wears pants, and he's like, for children? What the hell's going on?

SPEAKER_03 33:15

Yeah, he talk about perverted.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Right. I have to know. You said second cousin, so I know that might not mean blood relation. How are you guys related?

SPEAKER_01 33:24

On my mother's side, her sister had a kid. And then that kid had a kid, and that's him, and he was a bear. When he came out, we were like, Tracy, what have you been doing?

SPEAKER_03 33:35

And what had she been doing?

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Fucking bears. That's tough. It's pretty, we put it together quickly. She fucked a bear.

SPEAKER_02 33:44

It's so tough.

SPEAKER_03 33:48

Yeah, I would also be questioning it. I'd be like, what? Yeah, what were you doing?

SPEAKER_02 33:52

Because what I'm also having to cope with right now is in the Winnie the Pooh books, I I think it was presumed to me that he was an imaginary friend of Christima Robbins.

SPEAKER_03 34:01

Uh to my knowledge, he was a stuffed animal that he came to become it is quite actually sickening.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

And I'm feeling grumblies in my tumbleys right now to know that he's a real man.

SPEAKER_03 34:12

Yeah, Tracy probably felt a lot of grumblies in her tumblies when she was pregnant with her.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Yeah, he was a real guy, real bear guy. A bear guy.

SPEAKER_03 34:23

Half bear, half man?

SPEAKER_01 34:24

Yeah, yeah. Half bear, half man. Bear on the bottom.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

Oh, and that's why he was naked on the bottom because it's socially acceptable.

SPEAKER_01 34:32

Like a Mr. Tumnus, but more fucked up.

SPEAKER_03 34:35

Oh, did he actually like honey as much as uh he loved that shit?

SPEAKER_01 34:40

And it was like eat a sandwich. You can't just eat honey.

SPEAKER_03 34:43

And I don't expect this, and I'm not blaming you for this. But actually, I'm now putting the pieces together. He, I was I've always been curious what a poo is.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

Edgar Allen Pooh.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

Is that what you're gonna say?

SPEAKER_03 34:57

That's what I'm wondering.

SPEAKER_02 34:58

I'm so sorry, I took it from me. Can you say it?

SPEAKER_03 35:00

I don't want to take it from me. No, no, that's exactly what I'm wondering. Is he Edgar Allen? Was it Edgar Allen Pooh and you guys changed it?

SPEAKER_01 35:06

Or Winnie the Poe.

SPEAKER_03 35:07

Or was he Winnie the Poe and he changed it to a poo?

SPEAKER_01 35:09

He was Winnie the Poe and he changed it to the Pooh. Even though he's on your mother's poems.

SPEAKER_02 35:14

Even though he's on the Poe, poem.

unknown 35:16

Poem.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

Poem. Poem. Even though he's on your mother's side, he had the same last name. It's okay. Yes. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

Back then, and I'll be honest with you. Back then, we were fucking like cousins. We were having our mothers' names. We were it was fun back then. Me. Right, because you married. I married my 13-year-old cousin, beautiful girl. Huge fucking jugs.

unknown 35:36

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 35:37

And at 13, that's both uh really awful to think about and unusual.

SPEAKER_03 35:43

Ah, so this would have been early 1800s, back when 13-year-olds used to have huge jugs.

SPEAKER_01 35:48

Huge jugs, and we're women. Right. I wish when I wish when clumsy those were women.

SPEAKER_03 35:54

It's crazy that nowadays 13-year-olds are just kids. Because back then they used to be full of things.

SPEAKER_01 35:59

Think about life expense expectancy 35. A 13-year-old that is 35.

SPEAKER_03 36:03

Yeah, that's very think about the makeup for once.

SPEAKER_02 36:06

For once. Think about it. It's not a child if they die right after.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

Did you guys have a marriage filled with love?

SPEAKER_02 36:14

And I would say so. She would say no.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

She would say no.

SPEAKER_02 36:18

Well, I was reading, she died 11 years after you got married. You you outlived her? I did. Can you fucking believe that? Yeah, it's for the benefit of marrying a child, I would imagine. Long blood.

SPEAKER_03 36:30

Yeah, you don't die before the yeah, or you do die before they die. Oh man. Was that that must have been horrible when she died?

SPEAKER_01 36:38

It was a horrible experience, which I of course wrote poems about.

SPEAKER_03 36:41

Yeah, you gotta take advantage of it.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

Yeah. Well, it goes a little like this. She gone. She gone. She gone. So I got my dick in my hand in the dark.

SPEAKER_02 36:52

That almost sounded like Bruce Springsteen at first.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

I told you I was a singer. You singing. I was singing. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 36:58

That's great. So you you said that you only have the one song, though. Yes. But did you was that the one that you like put out and said, like, this is a Po original?

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Yeah, this is this is Poe's pop. Pose pop.

SPEAKER_03 37:10

Pose pops. Pose pops.

SPEAKER_01 37:12

And the people were like, go back to your poems, you fucking freak. Did they say that? Yeah. I feel like that's like no offense.

SPEAKER_03 37:21

But even your poems are kind of freaky. I feel like you be you being called a freak is not like.

SPEAKER_02 37:27

Could this mean that the song is even crazier?

SPEAKER_03 37:30

Was the song crazier than your poems?

SPEAKER_01 37:32

The song was really chill.

SPEAKER_03 37:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 37:35

And I would say uplifting.

SPEAKER_03 37:37

Uplifting?

SPEAKER_01 37:38

I don't want to name it.

SPEAKER_02 37:38

It was. What did I say it was? I don't want I if you have to change the name of it, that's okay. I don't want to make you say the say or sing, but I kind of want to hear it.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

Yeah, please. What was it? What was my song? I've been dead for a while, guys. It's okay.

SPEAKER_03 37:54

Maybe you could sing one of the songs that was unreleased.

SPEAKER_01 37:56

Oh, an unreleased song. Okay, yes. Okay, yes, yes, yes. I did have a song called Christmas Shoes. I've heard that song. Is that different than the one I'm thinking of? Yeah. Yeah, mine was first.

SPEAKER_02 38:06

Got it.

SPEAKER_01 38:07

And it goes like this.

SPEAKER_03 38:08

Great.

SPEAKER_01 38:09

So can I buy these shoes?

SPEAKER_03 38:11

It's the same. It's the same.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

For mama, please. It's Christmas Eve when these shoes are just hers. Because she's gonna die from cancer that a raven gave her. He talks to her every single night. I have my dick in my hand in the dark.

SPEAKER_03 38:32

It's the exact same as the one that's it's I I couldn't spot a difference.

SPEAKER_02 38:37

That's like I I don't know the name of the guy who ripped you off, but someone ripped you off.

SPEAKER_03 38:41

Somebody ripped you off hard, and that's so unfair. And what I'm wondering is did she know the raven was giving her cancer when she was talking to him?

SPEAKER_02 38:50

Because cancer isn't contagious.

SPEAKER_01 38:52

No, I don't know. It was the original bird flu. Nobody talks about it.

SPEAKER_03 38:56

Cancer is the first bird flu?

SPEAKER_01 38:57

Yes, the ravens came round and they dropped cancer onto us. What? Yeah. That is so crazy. Like maliciously? Yes. Why? Because they wish they were us. They wish they had shoes and pants and shirts.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

That's crazy because I wish I was a bird. Being a bird is way better than being a human. Am I wrong?

SPEAKER_02 39:16

I'm gonna have to think about it. Okay. You can fly, but you can't drive. Pros to be- Oh god, but you can't drive! Okay. Pros to being a human. You can drive. You can wear pants. You can eat a whole sandwich with your thumbs. Thumbs are huge. Pros to being a bird. You can fly. You can steal a big thing. One hole for all the stuff. Cloaca.

SPEAKER_03 39:36

Is there one hole for all the stuff?

SPEAKER_01 39:37

Is this news to you for real?

SPEAKER_03 39:38

Cloaca. I've heard the term cloaca. I did not realize it was a one hole for all the stuff.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

It's a one stop shop.

SPEAKER_03 39:45

Hearing.

SPEAKER_01 39:46

Hearing. Seeing. Feeling. Pooping. They're feeling pissing. Berthing. Pissing. Pissing? I feel like you said pissing. Is that not true? Maybe we did. Maybe we did. Maybe we did. Let's cover our faces. Just in case. Just in case. Here's something, you know, people can go outside.

SPEAKER_03 40:09

Of course.

SPEAKER_01 40:10

When a bird comes inside, everyone's like, get out. That is so Get Out of here.

SPEAKER_03 40:15

It's so chill when people are inside or outside birds.

SPEAKER_02 40:17

We're like, don't fucking come in here.

SPEAKER_03 40:19

How dare you come inside?

SPEAKER_02 40:20

One time I was working, I worked at a hot dog stand when I was like a teenager. Congratulations. Thank you. And one time it was an outdoor hut. And one time a bird flew in and flew behind the refrigerator. And everyone was up my freaking butt being like, hey, did you know a bird flew in there? I'm like, of course they did. What am I supposed to do?

SPEAKER_03 40:38

I'm being like, you know, I'm trying to give the dogs away.

SPEAKER_01 40:42

Were the purple where the purple? Uh-oh. Wasted. Where the people like, the bird flew in there. Put it on a button for me. I want to eat it. If they had said that, that would have been more understandable.

SPEAKER_03 40:51

You would have been like, are you out of your hell and poe?

SPEAKER_01 40:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:54

No. Not again trying to eat the ambers. So when you wrote The Raven, you had a really personal stake in it. You were like, the birds are giving cancer to people.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

Yeah, I was like, we need to spread the word.

SPEAKER_03 41:05

Don't tell me the song that you just sang is about your mom.

SPEAKER_01 41:10

Melissa Poe.

SPEAKER_03 41:12

Your mom got cancer from a raven?

SPEAKER_01 41:16

She got cancer from a bird.

SPEAKER_02 41:20

On Christmas Day. You can decide or determine when the person gets it. I was there.

SPEAKER_03 41:28

You were there.

SPEAKER_01 41:28

Your bird was like cancer. That's why I'm so scared of it. So when you I saw drama, that is hor of course.

SPEAKER_03 41:37

And all you wanted was some goddamn shoes.

SPEAKER_01 41:40

Yes! For my mother's beautiful Christmas feet. For her Christmas feet.

SPEAKER_02 41:47

Did she have bare feet on Christmas? Please say no. She had bare feet. No.

SPEAKER_03 41:52

That's awful. That makes cancer way worse.

SPEAKER_01 41:55

That's awful. But the bare feet makes you think maybe it makes sense why my cousin is poo. Bare feet. Because he's a bear.

SPEAKER_03 42:01

He always had bare feet.

SPEAKER_01 42:02

A tip of the cat. A tip of the cat.

SPEAKER_03 42:06

Alright, with that.

SPEAKER_02 42:07

With that, we will be right back.

SPEAKER_03 42:12

Do you regret your last words on Earth? Did you say something so goddamn stupid that it actually made your family more upset than your actual death? Well, get over it. This isn't a commercial for anything. Just get over it. Move on, idiot.

SPEAKER_02 42:28

And we're back. Lead. I am so excited for this segment always.

SPEAKER_03 42:33

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:34

We love to bring together people on We're Dead.

SPEAKER_03 42:36

Absolutely. We love introducing them to you, but then also introducing them to each other. So please welcome back to the show, Charles Washington and Ed Ground Pooh.

SPEAKER_01 42:44

Good afternoon and evening.

SPEAKER_03 42:45

Oh was good, Shorty was hanging.

SPEAKER_05 42:47

How you living?

SPEAKER_01 42:47

I'm not alive, but I'm happy to be here with you.

SPEAKER_05 42:51

I feel you, I feel you, son. You'll keep it easy.

SPEAKER_01 42:53

Oh, well, can I write a poem about you?

SPEAKER_05 42:55

You want to write a poem about me? Yes. Oh, yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

Sitting in the shadows next to me in his hood, dick not in hand, yet, but soon he will be horny by my presence, said the bird.

SPEAKER_05 43:08

Said the bird. You just came up with that.

SPEAKER_01 43:10

I did, I did. Wow. It's a day, believe it or not.

SPEAKER_05 43:13

Pretty profound, you know what I'm saying? Thank you, my friends. I remember Elgin Alan Poe. I remember you. I used to learn about you. I used to play ball with you back in the past. Oh, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 43:21

We played the big square ball game.

SPEAKER_05 43:25

After like Rucker Park over there. Yeah, square ball. Really hard to play. Poetic ass motherfucker, man.

SPEAKER_01 43:32

Thank you. I really like you.

SPEAKER_05 43:34

Yo, I got a poem. Let me see. Oh shit. Give me a dick in my hands. Is that what you said? Have my dick in my hand?

SPEAKER_02 43:41

Every single one of my poems. I think he said you didn't have any. It didn't imply that you would. Oh no. Certainly will.

SPEAKER_05 43:49

Yeah, maybe not right now. I don't know. I'm just we just we're just hanging out. But uh the uh okay, so my poem is gonna be Edgarel and Poe. Uh went to the stove to get some snacks but they wasn't there, so we had to go to the vending stove. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Wait, that was a big one. That was good. That was good. Can I give you a tiny recommendation?

SPEAKER_05 44:15

Oh yeah. A critique?

SPEAKER_01 44:17

A critique, if you will.

SPEAKER_05 44:18

And you got a notes post.

SPEAKER_01 44:19

Just a little po note for you. And at the end, be like, and he was covered in blood with his dick in his fucking hand.

SPEAKER_05 44:25

Oh man, what yeah, you you seem to really like all that. I don't understand all that. You know what I mean? I never noticed that.

SPEAKER_03 44:31

You do really seem to like all of that.

SPEAKER_02 44:33

You know, it's so weird. I also didn't really notice that.

SPEAKER_03 44:35

I don't really kind of put the pieces together, but you really do seem to like all of it.

SPEAKER_05 44:40

What?

SPEAKER_00 44:40

Yeah, dick in the hand is worth two in the dick. That's right. What did you say too? Two in the bush.

SPEAKER_05 44:46

Two in the bush. They used to say that all the time back at Overneath One's. That was a big statement.

SPEAKER_03 44:51

Dick in the hand is worth two in the bush?

SPEAKER_05 44:53

Yeah, we say that all the time.

SPEAKER_01 44:54

Or two in the barrel? What? Yeah, two in the bush, that makes sense. Two in the barrel, that's one boob in the hand is two in the barrel. I don't say.

SPEAKER_03 45:01

Is Bush referring to in that statement? Bush is referring to puke.

SPEAKER_01 45:05

Oh, I was thinking like a beautiful garden bush. Oh, well, this is the wet time.

SPEAKER_05 45:10

Yeah, like time that's the beautiful like masturbating in a garden. Yeah. Sneaking the hand, two in the bush.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

Yeah. Wind in my ass. Happy I go.

SPEAKER_05 45:19

Here you go. Wind in my ass. Are you wilding?

SPEAKER_01 45:24

I know the sparks are flying.

SPEAKER_05 45:26

The sparks are flying. Between me and not romantic, but just like yes, I'd say romantic. Nah, yeah, no, it's all good.

SPEAKER_01 45:35

It is all good. I guess it's all good.

SPEAKER_03 45:39

Were you ever in a relationship when you were alive?

SPEAKER_05 45:41

Uh yeah, yeah. I had a wife, you know what I'm saying? She still she was a widow for a while, but she's in a support group too. She died? Do you check it out? She checked in on her. Silly. What do you say? Do you check in on her? Like kind of checking out. Oh, like a book. Yeah, I kind of watch it. I look out for her. I still miss it, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Maybe you can help me write a poem for her, you know what I'm saying? Absolutely. And then I could when I go back, I could bring it to her and let her read it from the afterlife. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 46:07

How old is she 12?

SPEAKER_05 46:09

What? What the fuck? What?

SPEAKER_01 46:11

Is that weird? Is that successful? Grown ass woman.

SPEAKER_05 46:14

As a grown woman, you know what she's saying?

SPEAKER_02 46:15

She has right. 13, 14. Well, so Poe, um in the years that we're kind of from, people lived longer. And there's also there's actually quite a harsh association with uh being being married to family members and teenagers. You're actually not allowed to do that.

SPEAKER_05 46:31

Yeah, you won't be down like that. That's kind of crazy because knowledge itself. Dr. Seppi said. So yeah, yeah, no, she was 35. So I was 34, she's 35, like one year older than me. Yeah, just a normal. Yeah, most people are dead by the time. You know what I'm saying? Actually, I don't know if you heard a new Tyler Creator album. He was talking about you on there.

SPEAKER_01 46:50

Was he really?

SPEAKER_05 46:50

Yeah, he called himself Big Poe. He was like, Oh, I'm Big Poe. He's like I'm Big Poe. Uh I don't know, probably like 5'6, 5'8.

SPEAKER_01 46:58

Well, I'm 5'7, 5'12.

SPEAKER_05 46:59

Oh, yeah. So he's like, is that what we go by now?

SPEAKER_02 47:04

It might have been 5'12 in your day.

SPEAKER_05 47:06

In your day, yeah. People were a lot shorter back.

SPEAKER_02 47:08

Yeah, say 5'12, 5'13, 5'14.

SPEAKER_05 47:12

Yeah, yeah. Wear it out, weird out, weird out, Poe.

SPEAKER_02 47:15

Oh, wait. So you were gonna write a poem for his wife, who's in a grief support group for people whose partners died in a silly way.

SPEAKER_05 47:22

Yeah, yeah, word out. So then I could give it to her, let her know she's not alone.

SPEAKER_03 47:26

Man, there's nothing more helpful in as you're grieving than a poem. I've always said from Edgar Allan Poe told to you by your dead husband.

SPEAKER_02 47:37

I mean, I feel that whatever Poe's gonna say is gonna be really helpful. Absolutely. Emotional.

SPEAKER_04 47:41

Big Poe.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

Papum, pa-pum! The heart under the stairs is pounding. I'm terrified, screaming for help. No one's there. At least I've got my dick in my hand in this case. Vagina, of course. I'm a sad old fucking woman, really old, sagging tits. But the wind is coming near my ass. Things are looking up.

SPEAKER_05 48:00

Uh I think I should have gave you some information on my wife first, because I feel like and my wife.

SPEAKER_01 48:07

I feel like if I heard that, I'd be like, he loves me.

SPEAKER_03 48:09

No, it sounds like the main concern is not that it's bad at all, but it's just not specific. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 48:14

Like that would work for anybody. Yeah, yeah. I need some, I need to make sure she feels so I'll tell you a little about my wife. So that would have been right.

SPEAKER_00 48:22

You could write, you can't write.

SPEAKER_03 48:23

I'll take that. Yeah, you want it to be personalized. You do not everybody has sagging tits and a dick or vagina. That's right.

SPEAKER_05 48:30

But yeah, so yeah, but I like that poem. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a bit. Um, but uh she's you know, she's uh was in the war, you know what I mean? She was she was uh veteran.

SPEAKER_01 48:39

Women are allowed to do that.

SPEAKER_02 48:40

Yes, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 48:42

But she does anything.

SPEAKER_02 48:43

In fact, they let anyone kill themselves for the country.

SPEAKER_05 48:46

Oh, yeah, she was in Desert Desert Storm, you know what I mean? Storm! Yeah, yeah. So, you know, but the only thing is, so she her hands got cut off.

SPEAKER_01 48:53

So Oh no.

SPEAKER_05 48:55

Yeah, so she ain't got no hands.

SPEAKER_01 48:56

Uh this might be hard. I'm gonna be honest, this might be a little hard for me to wrap my heads around.

SPEAKER_05 49:01

But she's a beautiful person. She uh always had my back, you know, and always uh and I and I'm I still love her to this day. You know what I mean? With a doubt. And her name is uh Niece Nisi.

SPEAKER_01 49:13

So you did marry a relative. No, no, niece. No, it's a relationship. He married a name.

SPEAKER_05 49:16

Yeah, it's like a nickname for Denise. Her real name's Denise.

SPEAKER_01 49:19

Denise, your niece. Yeah, yeah. Not his niece. Related. His wife, niece. Yeah, yeah, no. So we've so we've Charles, you gotta say why you don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_05 49:26

Charles, you gotta stop saying, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're saying y'all was in your generation, you was fucking your relatives and little kids or shit.

SPEAKER_01 49:35

Well, he was married to women kids, yes. He was married to his bucks of 13 years old.

SPEAKER_05 49:40

Alright, I know how he says he got big titty.

SPEAKER_01 49:42

Yes. Don't you love those?

SPEAKER_05 49:44

Yeah, yeah, but they gotta be for the adult, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 49:47

And they and they gotta be unrelated. Like you have to be foreign. Yes, I'm really famous. Let me do whatever.

SPEAKER_02 49:52

Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry. Too many notes for exact producers.

SPEAKER_03 49:55

Let's be honest, this is one of the probably one of the greatest challenges of Poe's life. Hamless. Jesus Christ, okay.

SPEAKER_05 50:01

All right, do your thing, shorty, do your thing. Let me know if you need a ball, we can play with balls or something. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:07

Will you actually could you perhaps drop a beat?

SPEAKER_05 50:10

Oh, yeah, sure. And I'll do that. I used to play, I used to uh drop beats. Yeah, I used to do that. Alright, here we go.

SPEAKER_01 50:15

Here we go. I married my niece. She is old, too old for me, but that is fine. Her vagina has no hands in it, but she's gonna put her foot in it. She was a veteran. Okay. She went to desert place. She is scared. She is sad. The pros are coming for her tonight.

SPEAKER_05 50:39

Did I do it? That was go. That was hard. That was hard.

SPEAKER_03 50:43

That was good. Are the pros coming? Hopefully, not to give her cancer.

SPEAKER_01 50:47

I think they're coming to give her hands.

SPEAKER_03 50:50

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 50:52

Maybe give her a hand.

SPEAKER_05 50:53

Maybe give her hands for verbals. I like that though, Shorty. That would mean a lot to me.

SPEAKER_02 51:00

It would mean a lot to you for that to be delivered to your grieving wife.

SPEAKER_05 51:04

Exactly. You know what I'm saying? Maybe she'll know I'm here waiting for her. I think she'll know exactly that. She loves literature too. So she might know who you are. You know what I mean? She was reading. By the time I came home, it was like a Friday night, just reading. Just reading.

SPEAKER_01 51:19

I'm like, they're allowed to do that too.

SPEAKER_05 51:21

Yeah, women can read now.

SPEAKER_01 51:22

Women can read now. I think we've gone backwards with things.

SPEAKER_05 51:25

And you wild man, you need to get with the program, Edgar. Things have changed.

SPEAKER_02 51:29

Things have changed.

SPEAKER_05 51:31

What year are you from?

SPEAKER_02 51:32

Like from the 1840s, 1830s. That can't be. We were playing hoop and ball instead.

SPEAKER_05 51:39

I used to play ball right over there. Yeah, stick ball.

SPEAKER_02 51:41

Basketball was invented by someone namesmith in the late 1890s. No, it's just talking about Travis Naismith.

SPEAKER_05 51:51

Travis Naismith.

SPEAKER_02 51:52

Aiden Rock.

SPEAKER_05 51:54

I think it was Connor Nash Hunter. Yeah, Hunter and Twitter.

SPEAKER_00 51:57

Travis Hunter Nasmith.

SPEAKER_05 52:00

I think it was uh Kev Kev Naismith JD Vance Nasmith.

SPEAKER_03 52:06

Pretty nice name. Do you need anything from Charles while he's here?

SPEAKER_02 52:12

Because Charles is very scary. Charles is very multifaceted.

SPEAKER_03 52:17

No, it seems like.

SPEAKER_02 52:18

Yeah, it seems like you had to know what it does.

SPEAKER_05 52:22

If it got in my dick, it ain't happened. I'm just telling you.

SPEAKER_01 52:24

Just put it in your hand. Have a nice night. That's all I need from you. No, that's I do mean that. I mean that. Tonight, when I'm not here, I want you to sit in the shadows and put that dick in your hand.

SPEAKER_02 52:37

But besides that, this is like when Den's like, now at home, you have to be flossic. You can't be surprised. Even though I'm not there.

SPEAKER_05 52:45

Yeah, I'll take care of that. As long as it's in the shadows.

SPEAKER_01 52:48

Good. Try it outside, see how you feel with the wind. Anyway.

SPEAKER_05 52:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 52:51

What kind of candy bar am I?

SPEAKER_05 52:55

Oh, shorty. Okay, yeah. I know a lot about candy. I would love to do it. You want me to tell y'all everybody's candy bar is like the design, you know?

SPEAKER_01 53:02

Because when I was young, candy was like a piece of dirt they covered in licorice. Yeah. And we called that delicious. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:10

You had stuff called like festives or like digestives or like sucking coins or something. Arsenal.

SPEAKER_05 53:19

Yeah, like long tattoo.

SPEAKER_02 53:20

Tree gum. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 53:23

Alright, I'm gonna go in this sort. I'm gonna start with Wally first. You know what I mean? Then we'll come back to you, Egg, because I gotta think about Egg. Exciting. Complicated cookie, you know what I'm saying? No pun intended. But I would say, Wally, I think you're like a butterfinger, you know what I mean? I think you're a butterfinger. That means so much to me. Yeah, he I think he reminds me, you know, you know, strong, but able, but able to be like, you know, malleable. I'm sorry. I got layers.

SPEAKER_02 53:51

You crumble under pressure, much like a butterfinger.

SPEAKER_05 53:53

I don't think that's what he was about.

SPEAKER_02 53:54

No, because they they're very messy.

SPEAKER_05 53:56

Yeah, they could get a meal mess. But I yeah, I was gonna say more messy than crumble under. But that could be the.

SPEAKER_02 54:00

I think you crumble under pressure. Yeah, I don't think so. If you agree, Colin.

SPEAKER_05 54:03

Um let him know if you agree he's a butterfinger. Yeah, yeah. And I think you I think Bart likes you, Bart Simpson will like you.

SPEAKER_02 54:09

I think Bart Simpson would really like you and be like that's what I'm trying to do.

SPEAKER_01 54:16

Okay, so I was about to say five butterfingers makes one hand. And you know what you can do with that. Yeah. And you know what?

SPEAKER_05 54:24

Put your dick in it. Put your dick. And you just stopped disrespecting my wife like that.

SPEAKER_00 54:28

Okay, so uh Are you mad to her? I thought he was a guy.

SPEAKER_05 54:32

Okay, so no, my wife with the no hands. Oh, you said my wife. You're talking about my wife. I'm talking about him. Okay, you got two hands.

SPEAKER_02 54:38

But I can't like uh who's on first, sort of.

SPEAKER_05 54:40

Whoever ain't got hands, that's my wife. She ain't got no hands. Third base. Okay. Right, uh, Reka, I think you're a um, I think you're a uh what's that called? Uh like a Mars bar.

SPEAKER_02 54:53

I love Mars bars. Out of this world. Yeah, out of this world.

SPEAKER_03 54:57

Did you know Only in Europe, yeah?

SPEAKER_01 54:59

Did you knew about Mars or something? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 55:01

Did you know about Mars?

SPEAKER_01 55:02

We told our time by Mars.

SPEAKER_03 55:04

Mars, they probably knew about it.

SPEAKER_01 55:07

Not the other stuff.

SPEAKER_05 55:10

Yes, yes, yes. Uh yeah, so I think you're a Mars bar because it's soft and delicious, you know what I mean? That's very soft. Stay blessed. God isn't. I'm not that incredibly soft.

SPEAKER_02 55:19

No, I'm soft, like you can talk to me about anything. Like, and like I feel safe as well. I feel that for me.

SPEAKER_05 55:25

When I have a Mars bar, I feel safe. Yes. I and then Edgar from a bit.

SPEAKER_01 55:30

Are you excited? Yes.

SPEAKER_05 55:31

I think Edgar Allan Poe. Oh, Edgar Allan Poe, you are a uh Babe Roof.

SPEAKER_01 55:39

Who is that? Who is that?

SPEAKER_05 55:40

A babe roof bar. Who is that? Because you nutty, yo. You a nutty motherfucker.

SPEAKER_01 55:46

He's a woman's baseball player.

SPEAKER_05 55:48

It's like baseball player.

SPEAKER_03 55:49

You probably used to play ball with him, right?

SPEAKER_05 55:50

I used to play ball with him for sure. You know he's black, too. I heard.

SPEAKER_01 55:53

I heard that too.

SPEAKER_05 55:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He might be black.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

He might be black.

SPEAKER_05 55:58

Yeah, he was. I used to play ball with him back in the day. We used to play baseball. And uh, but he but they named a candy bar after him by Beirut.

SPEAKER_02 56:06

It's like a ton of peanuts and caramel inside of chocolate. Yeah. Which really good. I would say he's not a poet. He um what did he have a list of?

SPEAKER_05 56:14

He had a lot of nicknames. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:15

Oh, yes, he did have a lot of nicknames.

SPEAKER_03 56:16

The Great Bambino, the salt and the SWAT.

SPEAKER_05 56:19

Oh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:20

The Raven's Friend. That's what they call him. Is that your nickname? That's what they call me. Which must be so annoying.

SPEAKER_03 56:26

You must have a bunch of nicknames, too. I do.

SPEAKER_01 56:28

I have they call me Tommy Tooneys.

SPEAKER_03 56:31

Tommy Tooneys. Tommy Tooneys, because you have toonies. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 56:34

And it looked like this guy named Tommy who lived in my town. Okay. They call me stinky guy, because I'm always be farting.

SPEAKER_04 56:41

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:42

And they call me. Always, well, because you're closest to me. I know you know this. I'm farting right now.

SPEAKER_05 56:48

It's just seeping out over here. Just seeping. Yeah. It's just a big seep fast. I'm like, I don't hear nothing, but it just is a terrible thing. I thought that, you know, I figured when I die, I wouldn't have to deal with that.

SPEAKER_00 56:58

Yeah, same. No reason to person fart anymore.

SPEAKER_05 57:02

I live in a fucking jungle. I grew up in a jungle. You know, you might be looking at a regular person.

SPEAKER_00 57:07

You grew up in East Orange. That's what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_05 57:09

It's a jungle out there. It's a metaphorical jungle. The concrete jungle. You might be looking like a regular dude, but he could be a lion. You know what I mean? If you fart around there, them motherfuckers can eat you a line. Word it up. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 57:23

I feel like I understand Charles. For like 80%, and then the last 20%, I'm launched off a cliff.

SPEAKER_05 57:29

You know what I'm saying? Word it up. I know what you're saying. What about indeed? You're gonna have a regular person, it could be a lion.

SPEAKER_02 57:34

When someone is speaking to you, like you both agree, but it's saying something crazy.

SPEAKER_05 57:38

That's right. You know what I mean? But yeah, so I think you were babe roof.

SPEAKER_02 57:41

Somebody dresses up like a lion?

SPEAKER_05 57:43

No, I'm just saying, metaphorically, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 57:46

I get those, I get similes. Please, please.

SPEAKER_05 57:49

You aggregate it. I do get similar. You know what I'm saying? Like it's a jungle, like it's a regular person, but it could be a lion. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 57:55

Keep going with your boom.

SPEAKER_05 57:56

Nah, it ain't no buttons.

SPEAKER_01 57:57

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 57:57

But uh, but are you cool with that? Babe Ruth?

SPEAKER_01 58:00

No. Yes, I am, yes I am. Of course I am. I'm a delight.

SPEAKER_05 58:04

Then we got Mars, Babe Ruth, and Butterfinger.

SPEAKER_01 58:07

Butterfinger. Or about for yourself. Yeah. Oh.

SPEAKER_05 58:09

Um for me, I'm gonna be. I wouldn't be a bar, though. I think I'd be more of a Reese's peanut butter cup. You'd be a cup. Yeah, it's the only one that I used to eat, really. I I would that one was my little shit. Give me cutters. Yeah, protein peanut butter. Now, if that one would have fallen off. Yeah, I heard you went on a date with uh uh my man, George. You know what I mean? George watches the carver. Do you is he related to you at all? No, but we used to play ball together.

SPEAKER_02 58:36

Shut up. Do you actually know him? Because I got catfished by someone pretending to meet him.

SPEAKER_05 58:41

He said that he went on a date with someone. Wait, so you didn't go, that wasn't you? He told me he went on a date with a beautiful person named Reka. Oh, wait. Did someone take your own? Maybe you just sat at the wrong table. Did you just sit at the wrong table?

SPEAKER_02 58:58

I sat at the wrong table and went on a date with a random man who was just there by himself.

SPEAKER_05 59:03

Oh man. Yo, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 59:05

And another Reka came in and took my date.

SPEAKER_05 59:08

They might have took your whole shit. But he I'll tell you what, he said he ain't like that person. So maybe he's still out there looking at the shit.

SPEAKER_02 59:15

I would be um truly more than interested in meeting him. I love his work.

SPEAKER_05 59:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:20

Peanut butter.

SPEAKER_02 59:21

Yeah, I really love it. Yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_05 59:23

I made money off of him for years. You know what I mean? All the types of peanuts, uh, cashews, and uh paydays, all that shit. So we we we cut when I got that, when I got here, I we clicked real quick. That's awesome. Oh, gee, he got the good mustache too. A little different from yours. His mustache though, like, no, he has a good mustache.

SPEAKER_01 59:40

Oh, but what do you mean? Is mine not good?

SPEAKER_05 59:42

No, your shit is weak, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:44

Is it because I I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I've never said this out loud. I drew this on my face. No, I didn't grow facial hand. It makes me feel like an idiot. No! You are you are valid whether or not you can grow facial hand.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:00

Do you wanna maybe should be able to do it?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:07

I'll join you in this home.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:08

Okay, here we go. Here we go, here we go, here we go.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:12

Go, go.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:13

I'm Edgar Allan Poe, not Edgar Allan Pooh. My mustache might look funny to you. I drew it all because I can't brew one, and I have my dick in my hand. I just in the shadows when the rains become. I'm gonna jizz on everyone.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:30

Hey yo, don't jizz on me, cause I don't do that for free. And if you let it tell me, I'll tell you where to be. I'm gonna tell you about my man Young Carver. He makes a lot of peanuts, but he don't be starving. I don't catfish, but you got catfish. And if that thing, that will be your last wish.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:48

Robert Frost is a fucking bitch. Talking about nature, you're a fucking bitch. Talk about death, you little bitch. Got my dick in my hand.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:58

And Tupac is a bitch too, because he died. He died when I died, and the cops did nothing. Everybody was over there, they was all into something. Just like the kid said on die hard. It's like they're all into something. But they was into me. I was dead with the thing on my knee. It was a big vending machine and it killed my ass. And now it's the last time I touched the grass.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:22

Grass. Grass. Grass.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:25

Yo, we should start a group. We should do poems. That was incredible. Incredible.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:29

I feel alive and I'm not.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:34

If we cut that to tape, I would love to not include the part where I got catfish. I'm trying to kind of leave that on my diet. We're gonna leave that all. We're gonna leave it all. Be proud. I guess I don't put that in the camp of I need to like own that I was catfish. No, that shit happens.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:48

That shit happened to me. You know what I'm saying? What happened? I don't know how to do what to do. Yeah, it happened to me a couple months ago. It was what?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:55

It was my catfish. I just wanted to hang out with him and I pretended to be a buxom machine.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:00

That's why you that's why you look familiar. I didn't think I ever see you again.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:05

It was me. Sorry.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:06

I knew that voice sounded familiar.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:07

I'm learning, I'm learning, I'm working better. I'm sorry. I'm learning.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:10

You die and you learn.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:11

Exactly. You die.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:13

Yeah, you die and you learn. Live and let die. Well, thank y'all so much for coming on the show. Thank you. And speaking your truth.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:20

They say you only live once, but then there's the afterlife. I'm Ray Kishunker.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:25

And I'm Ali Mansur.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:26

And we're dead.