Be bi with me in the afterlife (Hillary Anne Matthews, Ele Woods)

On this week's episode, Rekha and Waleed are joined by two guests who have immediate chemistry. A pioneer from the Oregon Trail and Elizabeth Taylor share their experiences in life and in death and you ever get so horny...?

Hosts:
Rekha Shankar
Waleed Mansour

Guests:
Hillary Anne Matthews as Misery Willard
Ele Woods as Elizabeth Taylor

Edited by Waleed Mansour

Full episodes available to watch on Youtube 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to another day of viewing on public access television. We hope you enjoy today's programming.

SPEAKER_05 0:07

I'm Reka Shunker.

SPEAKER_00 0:08

And I'm Malid Mansur and We're Dead.

SPEAKER_05 0:14

Hello and welcome to Weird Dead, the Afterlife's premier cable access show.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

That's right. About a year ago or so we died, and now we get a chance to interview a bunch of dead people and get to know, you know, what's going on with them now. How do they die and how are they living in their death?

SPEAKER_05 0:29

Hey, speaking of how you're living in your death, how you living in your death will lead.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

I didn't make the team. I didn't make the team. I uh I tried out for the uh Afterlife Football League, and I did not make the team uh or any team. But you know, you'll you live and you die and you learn.

SPEAKER_05 0:46

I'm really, really sorry. Um did they tell you why? Do they tell you that in a sports league? Like was it the interview portion? Was it the practical spam?

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Unfortunately, it's very Hollywood where they don't tell you a no. It's so annoying. They only they're only telling yeses. So all my all my buds that I tried out with, I heard that they were getting yeses, and I just I didn't hear anything.

SPEAKER_07 1:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Which you want to hear feedback. You want to hear feedback. When people ask to come on the show and we don't want them to come on the show, we tell them no.

SPEAKER_05 1:14

We will just give you the dignity of telling you why we don't want you here. That's right. We will always do that. Putting it in writing, sending it in an email.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Proof.

SPEAKER_05 1:24

It'll be mere minutes after you emailed. So it's like we have the response locked and loaded.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Yes, and we have reasons why you could improve.

SPEAKER_05 1:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Here are the things that are wrong with you, and here are the reasons that you would get you to be on this show.

SPEAKER_05 1:36

Yeah. For instance, I don't think people ask enough questions. Yeah, we're the interviewers. Yes. But sometimes I'd like you to ask me something.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

That's right. We spend a little bit of time up top checking in with each other, but that's only because we know that the people that we interview are never gonna ask us any questions.

SPEAKER_05 1:48

Yeah. Secondly, I don't know, pay for dinner.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Pay for dinner. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_05 1:52

Yeah, we don't offer dinner, but you didn't either.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

You could have brought it. Should we start bringing food? People keep asking us for cigarettes. Yeah, I we do not have cigarettes.

SPEAKER_05 2:01

I somehow draw the line at buying cigarettes. I can't.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

You can't?

SPEAKER_05 2:05

No. I'm too I'm too much of a wimp, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Yeah, I remember the first time I ever bought cigarettes was I used to work at a pizza delivery place owned by two Arab men, and I had to buy cigarettes for them. And I was 16 years old, I think.

SPEAKER_05 2:20

Yeah, which you can't, so you can't, you're not allowed to do that.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

I wasn't allowed to, but I was, you know, you know small towns, you just go and be like, it's for them.

SPEAKER_05 2:27

Yeah. Did you ever smoke?

SPEAKER_00 2:28

I I only started picking up smoking when I was in the afterlife.

SPEAKER_05 2:32

Okay, yes. That is obviously there's no time.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

There's no health ramifications.

SPEAKER_05 2:35

You can't die. Well, I still can't do it. I just there's just something about it.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Just grow up, Rika.

SPEAKER_05 2:39

There's just something about it. Grow up and smoke.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Grow up and smoke.

SPEAKER_05 2:42

I do see people on earth smoking more nowadays.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Yes, it's getting more common.

SPEAKER_05 2:46

It's really interesting.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Well, they're trying to get up here. They know it's a blast.

SPEAKER_05 2:50

They know it's a blast. People are hawking Zen, smoking out of their minds to get up here.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Man, my mom is a dental hygienist. Yeah. And the number one thing we could never ever do was chew tobacco. Yeah. That was like the number one thing. She was like, it's the worst thing for your teeth.

SPEAKER_05 3:08

It looks like a freaking hobbit hole or something when you do it. Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Uh huh. Absolutely. It's just disgusting. I I kids in did kids in your high school chew or no?

SPEAKER_05 3:17

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Okay. So kids in my high school would chew, and everybody would have a water bottle that they would spit into in the middle of class.

SPEAKER_05 3:25

In which lucky girl got to drink it. I pray it's me.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

But they would drink down specifically just to where the label was, because then you could spit into it, and the spit would just go where the label was, so you couldn't see the spit residue. So and those were all my best friends. Cool. So cool.

SPEAKER_05 3:43

It's so cool.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Oh, speaking of cool. Do we want to look at another comment?

SPEAKER_05 3:47

I would love to look at another comment.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 3:50

This episode is proving to be what a delight already.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

I totally agree. Do you want to explain what the comments that we're doing?

SPEAKER_05 3:56

Yes. So we recently discovered that this show is online and we're getting comments. And we've had a blast looking at them sometimes. And so we wanted to bring some of them here today. Hopefully something better than what we read last time.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

But yeah, because apparently your stuff's on Instagram and afterlife TikTok and at We're Dead show. Yeah. So feel free to follow us there.

unknown 4:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

All right. Go ahead and pick one. Let's see what we got. There we go.

unknown 4:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 4:22

Um, while Leed is really playing into the guy gets a microphone and turns into an asshole out of nowhere phenomenon, laughing my ass off. Huh. This is actually pretty true.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

I don't I don't think so. When did I start turning? When do what made me an asshole?

SPEAKER_05 4:38

I guess this you know what? This isn't true.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Why?

SPEAKER_05 4:40

Because you are like this off mic.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Yeah, it's out of nowhere.

SPEAKER_05 4:43

It is inaccurate out of nowhere. It's out of the basis of his personality.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

Unfortunately. So it is accurate. Oh, so it is inaccurate for that reason.

SPEAKER_05 4:52

Right. You don't turn into an asshole.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

The LMAO, which means that they love it.

SPEAKER_05 4:56

No, I think that's just unrelated.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

You think it's an unrelated LMAO? You think that maybe that's for you?

SPEAKER_05 5:02

This is about Will Lead, and then the LMAO is when people address something LMAO, they're talking to me.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 5:09

And I know that's true. And I know that's true. Okay. That means they're laughing. That means they're talking to Reka. When they're about to launch into a criticism, they're usually talking to you.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Do you think this is in relation to me being mean to you too much?

SPEAKER_05 5:20

You know, I can't say if people are responding to that or not. Um I have a feeling people don't like it because they view me as sort of a uh victim. Crazy. Um, like a main character on the podcast, and then you don't like people taking down the main character.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

You think you're the protagonist of our podcast. You don't think this is just a co-host investment? You think you're number one on the call street?

SPEAKER_05 5:45

Prove me wrong.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

You're not even number one on the call street in terms of last names. It would be me first. What do we say? What do we call this? We're dead with Ray and Lady. You are the person. Why do we do that?

SPEAKER_05 5:56

Yeah, because we wanted to get them in. We don't want to turn them off.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Okay. Well, so you know, not every comment can be nice.

SPEAKER_05 6:06

Yeah. Or maybe LMAO stands for something else if it is for you. Maybe it's like loser mansor asshole on board.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Could be that. Could be that. I think they're just excuse. They're like, ha ha ha ha. I was just kidding about the stuff I just said.

SPEAKER_05 6:22

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Yeah. You don't you're not buying that.

SPEAKER_05 6:25

I think we can all justify stuff.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

I think we can all justify stuff. What do you mean keep it busy with?

SPEAKER_05 6:32

Okay. So I've decided to not take singing lessons anymore.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

That's good. I'm I'm for different reasons.

SPEAKER_05 6:38

Insane. Why is that good?

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Because uh because oh don't see now now I'm playing into the card. Now the card is don't do that. You don't need to cry. Stop. Stop. It's just so meaning. It's I'm not. I just I'm just a little girl. See, this is victim. This is the victim stuff I was talking about.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

What if I am just a victim?

SPEAKER_00 6:59

How about you uh go go hard on go hard on the singing and show the people what you've learned that you're that you're willing to stop.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

This is actually so unbelievably rude that you're I can't, you know I can't sing.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

You can sing. Okay, everybody can sing.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Jeremy spoken class today.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

What is that?

SPEAKER_02 7:21

It's another Pearl Jam song.

SPEAKER_05 7:25

You really don't like Pearl Jam.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

I do not know Pearl Jam that well, no.

SPEAKER_05 7:29

Well, I told you Eddie Vetter is my range, so yeah, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

Eddie Vetter is your range.

SPEAKER_05 7:33

Eddie Vedder is my range.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Um So what are you doing? Are you doing different classes instead, or are you just yeah?

SPEAKER_05 7:37

Um I'm gonna take a piano class instead.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Oh, great.

SPEAKER_05 7:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:40

Oh, that's great. I mean, all you need to know is doodle-doo, you know.

SPEAKER_05 7:45

I feel that my piano teacher would take Umbridge with you describing her life's work as doodle-lo-doo. It's I mean, I'm saying Rita, I'm sorry. Not my not my words, not my monkey, not my circus.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

I'm I what I'm saying is you don't have to have any innate skills to do it. You can learn it.

SPEAKER_05 8:01

Rita, are you hearing this? That's literally crazy. You have to be good at piano.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

No, what I'm saying is your lack of abilities will not hinder your piano learning. Am I saying this mean? I can't, I'm trying not to say it mean.

SPEAKER_05 8:16

Well, you're failing big time.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

I'm sorry, I apologize.

SPEAKER_05 8:21

No, no, it's okay. I actually do have absolutely no musical ability whatsoever.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

How is the piano playing going then?

SPEAKER_05 8:28

Um, it's good. I I kind of just memorize what she's doing, so I still can't read music.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Oh, that's the first part of it. I think that is the first part of piano. Okay. Yeah, when I was like six years old playing piano, that's what I definitely do.

SPEAKER_05 8:38

So you're doing something at age six that I have to do at age whatever.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

We were as equally learned, at it seems at that point. I remember quitting piano. This is something that I do regret.

SPEAKER_07 8:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Because I remember I quit piano because I was too bored because it was going too slow. And I remember thinking, now looking back, I'm like you're too advanced. Seems like I should have just told the teacher, can you do harder stuff? instead of just quitting. That may have been a better choice.

SPEAKER_05 9:06

I took piano two different times and I quit both times because I couldn't read music. And so it's sort of happening again. And and I I don't know that I want to know how to read music.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

There are a lot of piano players that don't read music. Truly.

SPEAKER_05 9:19

So then they're just sitting there labeling the notes and and playing something.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

No, no, no. They're just like feeling it out. You that is one of those things where you do have to have the innate skill of like being able to pick up.

SPEAKER_05 9:32

I am so sick of this.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 9:34

I I'm here to decree. I have no innate skills. Every skill I have worked for has been worked for painstakingly. Nothing came out of the box. The box was empty, the batteries were not included. I find it so irritating that so many people have innate skills.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Yeah. Like, have you seen the video of David Foster's kid? No. Do you know who David Foster is?

SPEAKER_04 9:58

No.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

Okay. He he's not David Foster Wallace. Not David Foster. I would have said Wallace.

SPEAKER_05 10:04

You wouldn't just drop that?

SPEAKER_00 10:05

I would have just dropped the Wallace. No. David Foster, I believe I'm saying his name right. Uh he's married to Catherine McPhee, and he is the person who found Celine Dion, found Josh Grove.

SPEAKER_05 10:15

The person married to Catherine McPhee is of an age where he founded Celine Dion.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Yeah. But they have a child together.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

Ah.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

And their child is like a pro. I watch him like.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

Is a mix of very old and very young?

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Yeah, he's he's a three-year-old boy, but he looks 70 years old. Exactly. But he's a musical prodigy. It's like, well, that's not fair. Your father's David.

SPEAKER_05 10:38

I think that's so humiliating. Grow up. Grow up. Go, go work really, really hard to get a skill instead of having it. This sucks.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

It sucks. All right. Let's see if our next guest has any innate skills.

SPEAKER_05 10:49

I'm sure they do. I am so excited for this next guest. You may have heard of her on the Oregon Trail. Please welcome Misery Willard.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

You can pick up the microphone, you can talk in the microphone. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 11:06

Hello.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

Hi there. Have you used one of those before?

SPEAKER_06 11:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

You have.

SPEAKER_06 11:11

On the talk show circuit. You've done the talk show circuit. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

How far into it are you? Are we last on the list or are we?

SPEAKER_06 11:20

Oh, um, I've done I've done somewhat of a handful.

SPEAKER_05 11:24

We're so excited. The Oregon Trail is a part that of history we learn about in school, about westward expansion, Lewis and Clark, like kind of mapped the way there.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

I will say my first introduction to it was from the game.

SPEAKER_06 11:37

The CD-ROM game.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

The CD ROM game. That's common. Is it that's common?

SPEAKER_06 11:41

It's quite common for your generation. Yeah, that makes sense. How does that sit with you? Well, it's a bit funny. Imagine uh that somebody made um CD-rom video game of of your life. I'm but a humble pioneer woman. Imagine somebody made a CD-rom game where you know it's it's Reka and she's at her singing lesson, and they and all of a sudden a prompt comes up and it says sing really good, sing really bad. Your music teacher dies of dysentery. I would choose sing really good.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

I would choose sing really good.

SPEAKER_06 12:20

And then what happens? You you kind of go home to your home and you probably watch a few episodes of Rick and Morty. I'm just kind of assuming based on what you seem like. I'm addicted.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

And then you were so called Rike and Morty. Rake and Morty.

SPEAKER_06 12:40

So this is the phenomenon that you were speaking about? The microphone man phenomenon.

SPEAKER_05 12:45

The microphone man phenomenon. Yeah, he hops on the mic and he continues to be himself.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

That's me forever. I'll never change. I'll never change.

SPEAKER_05 12:54

So, okay, so obviously the CD-ROM game is not a perfect encapsulation of your life. Of course not. Of course.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

I'm I'm sure people died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail.

SPEAKER_06 13:03

Certainly they did.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

But that's not what it's about. Well, did you did you see that happen?

SPEAKER_06 13:08

Yes, of course. And sometimes, to be quite honest, uh many times it was a tragedy. Sometimes you were glad.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Sometimes you were glad because that person you didn't like, or because oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06 13:21

Of course.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 13:22

You know, you'd put on a good grief face. But in the Like Charlie Brown? Yeah, what's your good grief face? Charlie Brown. He's famous. The little bald boy? Yeah, Charlie Brown's a little bald man. You'll have to excuse me because he kind of looks like David Foster's kid. Oh. 70 years old at three.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_05 13:40

You were saying I have to excuse you for not knowing who Charlie Brown is?

SPEAKER_06 13:43

Of course. My contemporary references are a little spotty at times. I did live.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

From cavemen all up until uh, yes.

SPEAKER_06 13:54

My good grief face, something like this. Whoa. That does look sad. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

That looks really sad.

SPEAKER_06 14:02

Jubilance on me?

SPEAKER_00 14:04

Yep.

SPEAKER_06 14:04

Something like this. Oh, it's about the same. Whoa. Interesting. You had to be steadfast on the trail. No ups and downs, just you took you took the licks as they came.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Why couldn't you have fun? Were people was nobody having fun?

SPEAKER_06 14:18

We had fun. Sometimes a fiddle would play and I'd kick my little feet. Kick your little feet. Kick my feet around the fire, lift up my skirt.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

You got any favorite songs?

SPEAKER_06 14:27

Of course. Johnny came round the bend, and then we did Johnny is here, and so would God is the one who we know will be there.

SPEAKER_05 14:37

Johnny came around the bend, and then we did. Johnny came round.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

Yeah, that they said then we know he's here.

SPEAKER_05 14:43

Then we know he's here. If Johnny comes around a bend, then we know he's here.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

No, he's here because he came around the bend, he's right there. We know he's here. It's like an extra second time.

SPEAKER_05 14:52

But then God is so meaningful. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

Were you bummed to find out when you came into the afterlife that God isn't real?

SPEAKER_06 14:59

Yeah, I said, what the heck? It's a it's I said that we really pinned a lot of stuff on this.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

I know, and a lot of people were doing that.

SPEAKER_06 15:07

Yeah. A lot of people were but then once it disappeared, it was fine because, you know, I was in the afterlife, so I could you use God as a way to get through in the day-to-day. Right. The punishing pace on the trail and all the deaths and the poverty and the lack of water and all your favorite oxen kicking the bucket. Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Your favorite ones were dying?

SPEAKER_06 15:30

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Why can't the bad oxen die? That's the thing. The shitty ones. I killed one once. You killed an oxen once?

SPEAKER_06 15:36

Yeah, I was pissed off.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

And you were able to kill it? Yeah. In what way?

SPEAKER_06 15:40

I said, oh no. No, in what way did you kill it?

SPEAKER_00 15:43

Uh oh.

SPEAKER_05 15:44

Sorry, not not what exact phrase did you say when you did it? In what way?

SPEAKER_00 15:48

What was the method? I modus operandis.

SPEAKER_06 15:50

Yeah, I I strangled him with a rope. Whoa. And then I slipped it off and I said, Micah, come quick. One of the oxen is dead again. This time it's your favorite. Old Jim Bone.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Did you do it because you didn't like the oxen or because you didn't like Modus?

SPEAKER_06 16:06

I was pissed off that all my favorite oxen kept dying, and and Micah, you know. He was more sympathetic, but not empathetic. That was the problem with men on the trail. And that's what the CD-ROM never got right. One of the largest trials and tribulations was living with the men.

SPEAKER_05 16:24

I'm not surprised. Yeah, I mean, on the game, I don't even think about gender very much.

SPEAKER_06 16:30

That's the thing. They pull up the screen and it says, you have a profession. First of all, okay, that's already you could only have a profession if you were a man. Yeah. Right. It says banker.

SPEAKER_05 16:42

Marketer.

SPEAKER_00 16:43

Were there bankers back then?

SPEAKER_05 16:45

There's bankers. Bankers are on the game.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

And marketing was big. Marketing was huge.

SPEAKER_05 16:49

I think there's social media stuff that you guys are doing that we just weren't aware of, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, because I mean the patriarchy nowadays is still kicking and rocking and rolling. But back then, it was worse, right?

SPEAKER_06 17:00

It was much worse. Today it's in disguise.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Oh wearing a little cloak.

SPEAKER_06 17:05

Wearing a cloak. Yeah. But look, I've also been, you know, I hunt these in a skirt. These are track pants. Because I that's kind of there are ways to subvert the patriarchy. Yes, good eye. Good eye, a man who knows. These are Skechers Delight, Sketcher's Premium Sketchers. They're called Skecher's Delight? It sounds like an ice cream. It's D apostrophe L-I-T-E.

SPEAKER_00 17:28

Are you serious?

SPEAKER_06 17:29

I'm gravely serious.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Why would they are they comfy as a heck?

SPEAKER_06 17:34

Incredibly impractical, they're slip-ons.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

Incredibly impractical?

SPEAKER_06 17:38

Incredibly comma and practical.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Well, I'm sure you wish you would have had those on the Oregon Trail. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 17:44

How have you gotten into track pants and Sketcher's life?

SPEAKER_06 17:47

Well, they use help to be on the move, on the go. Yeah. Um, it's um it's a little bit more streamlined, a little sporty spice. Um you know sporty spice. Oh, yes, I do. I do. Oh my god. We were just talking about cigarettes. Oh, yes. Do you like them? I do.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

I do I do like them. Uh I try not to smoke on the show, but I do like them.

SPEAKER_06 18:12

I I have never done it, so I don't know. Well, it doesn't matter in the afterlife, so you should try it.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_06 18:18

Where am I helps you unwind, makes it look cool.

SPEAKER_05 18:22

Am I allowed to use hers, or is that disgusting?

SPEAKER_00 18:24

You have an extra one?

SPEAKER_05 18:25

I wanted to use hers.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

Cool! Rank is finally cool.

SPEAKER_05 18:30

Give it a little puff. Oh, not that side. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Yeah, the filter.

SPEAKER_05 18:32

Oh is that just?

SPEAKER_00 18:36

No, that's smoke. That's smoke. That's the smoke thing.

SPEAKER_05 18:39

Yeah, I guess it's awesome. What is it?

SPEAKER_00 18:41

Can I ask why and nothing against bonnets? Sure. But with the the track pants, the cigarette, why are you still rocking the bonnet?

SPEAKER_06 18:51

Sun protection and humility. Umility. Yeah. It's kind of hard to break the habit of um keeping your head covered to not be a hussy under the hot eye of God, even though you know he doesn't exist.

SPEAKER_05 19:07

Wow. So you still take on these sort of antiquated ideas of purity and modesty, even though there is no God to serve. It's just a cultural thing.

SPEAKER_06 19:18

It's cultural. Do you know about the Mormons?

SPEAKER_00 19:20

Heard of them.

SPEAKER_06 19:21

They know, a lot of them know that what's going on is hinky as is all good out. But they love the family time. Oh. Okay, what is in it for you?

SPEAKER_05 19:31

What are you getting out of it?

SPEAKER_06 19:33

Um sun protection.

SPEAKER_05 19:36

Okay, so in humility. And humility. And humility. Which is funny that humility isn't short for humiliation. They're one and the same.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Yeah, Latin root.

SPEAKER_05 19:45

Something going on.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Uh I will ask.

SPEAKER_05 19:47

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

Were you married?

SPEAKER_06 19:50

Oh, that's what you're gonna ask.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Uh you're only thinking about misery in relation to her husband. Yeah, misery, are you married?

SPEAKER_06 19:56

Yes, I was married. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Do you still consider yourself married in the afterlife?

SPEAKER_06 20:01

Well, we have got a bit of an open thing.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_05 20:04

Wow, they had a conversation before. So Walid is cheating on his wife. Ohid was married on earth, but she didn't die. He died. So he's been cheating on her in the afterlife. We have no conversations about being open.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Well, okay, she's not dead, so I can't talk to her. Right. Second of all, marriage ends at death until death to us part. So we have been parted. Yes. And I was sleeping with people, but I stopped sleeping with people. We talked about this.

SPEAKER_06 20:24

Yeah, everyone was begging. But what's your wife doing down on earth?

SPEAKER_00 20:28

She I I haven't checked in.

SPEAKER_06 20:30

She's raising two children by herself.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Okay, she might be seeing somebody. She is such a catch, beyond a catch.

SPEAKER_06 20:35

I know. You're not spying on her, seeing if she's getting it in.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

No, because I don't think that's my business. That's I don't think that's my business.

SPEAKER_06 20:41

Do you spy? Yes. Who are you spying on?

SPEAKER_00 20:44

I'm sure most of the people you know are dead now.

SPEAKER_06 20:46

I'm spying on. I'll tell you what, I spied on David Foster.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

You did?

SPEAKER_06 20:51

Yes. When he was back when he was he was married to um uh uh gosh, she's got Lyme disease. She's the mother of the models. Hadid. Oh, it's Gigi Hadeed? No, she was Bella Hade? No, but the mom. Yolanda Foster. Yolanda Foster.

SPEAKER_05 21:08

I didn't I I I honestly it's an incredible accomplishment. I said Gigi and Bella. So it is know who the parent was.

SPEAKER_00 21:16

They're not. That's not no.

SPEAKER_06 21:19

No, they're the children of Mr. Hadid. I can't remember his first name right now. And then they're Palestinian. That's awesome. They are half Palestinian. Yes. That's so cool.

SPEAKER_00 21:29

I I only normally Muhammad, Muhammad Hadid. Okay, I couldn't.

SPEAKER_05 21:33

Honestly, you could have guessed. It's like a John. Yeah. It's like the most popular name in the world, according to you.

SPEAKER_06 21:41

It would it wouldn't have been offensive.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

If I would have just said it's his name Mohammed.

SPEAKER_06 21:45

Yes, but I couldn't have done that.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

You could have guessed. You have to know.

SPEAKER_06 21:48

I couldn't do that. Almost even now, knowing rationally, knowing rationally that his name is Muhammad Hadid, I'm 1% scared I got it wrong. And that's okay. 1%.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

The fact that you know about the hadiths, I'm impressed. So you've been stalking them?

SPEAKER_06 22:04

No, just checking in sometimes. You learn about someone and you'll go, hmm. It's a it's like on earth when you go, hmm, I can mm, I can look them up on the internet. Right. And when you're in the afterlife, you go, mmm, I can go hover above their house.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

I haven't taken advantage of that enough.

SPEAKER_05 22:20

I have this feeling, misery, that like you were born in the wrong time period. Oh. Like you need to be around cigarettes and um rocking AV. This is what I'm saying. Like, she looks cool as shit.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

Yeah, the bonnet's still doing.

SPEAKER_05 22:38

You need well, that's for humiliation. You need to be in a different time period. You are just like, you are on the Oregon Trail, people are being sexist at you, you're trudging across the country. You need to be smoking sicks in Los Angeles with Gigi Hadid.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

Yeah, which we can do in the afterlife.

SPEAKER_06 22:54

Sometimes I am. I'm um I'm doing it. I'm just hovering above the um the celebrity center.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

Are there the signals?

SPEAKER_06 23:01

That's a spooky place to be, actually. That's a spooky place. That's that's better than TV, let me tell you. Oh, I mean you can. People are doing their speedruns in there. Oh, yeah, we could do the ghost speedrun. What's going on in there? Honey, they've got Shelly dressing up like Disney characters, performing at those children's parties that they have every Friday. That's almost worse than just having her tied in a room.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

I'd rather she be dead.

SPEAKER_06 23:27

Well, that's the thing. There, and they no one knows that that's her. She's like Donald or something. Is she Donald?

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Yeah, is it Disney character?

SPEAKER_06 23:33

Well, they call him David Duck because it's a licensing thing.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

David Duck.

SPEAKER_05 23:37

David Duck is so much less charming.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

I have to say.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Okay. So monkey mouse or something like that.

SPEAKER_06 23:43

Monkey Mouse, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

And it's confusing. It's like, is it a monkey or something like that?

SPEAKER_06 23:46

And his girlfriend, uh Minty Mouse. Minty Mouse, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:50

Okay. Man, that's well, I guess I'm glad she's alive, but honestly.

SPEAKER_06 23:56

It's sad. It's sad. It's sad.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

It is sad.

SPEAKER_06 23:58

Yeah. I tried to help her out. And freaked her out. Very good.

SPEAKER_05 24:02

It looked like a haunting, of course.

SPEAKER_06 24:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

Especially dressed like this. Honestly, right now, my best description for your look is confusing.

SPEAKER_05 24:09

Thank you. I would say witness protection. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

You look like an organic trail person who had seen a mob hit.

SPEAKER_05 24:19

It was like, oh my God, someone hit my oxen with dysentery. I gotta. Yeah. I mean, guess what?

SPEAKER_00 24:24

How did you die?

SPEAKER_06 24:25

Well, just really quickly, I have seen a mob hit. Oh, of course, yeah. Bop over to Chicago, see what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

The Chicago mob.

SPEAKER_06 24:32

See what's going on in comparison? No. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Well, it's just like the So the modern Chicago mob.

SPEAKER_06 24:38

Sorry, it was kind of stupid for me to guess like who the number one person you'd think of. It's in it's kind of like it, no offense, but it's a little bit like me being like, oh, you were in America in 2001. Did you see 9-11? It's like, I did. It was on TV all the time.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

Well, I watched 9-11 too.

SPEAKER_05 24:53

Saying it was on TV makes it sound like it was a TV show.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

It was on a lot, though. People are a lot of watching reruns of it nowadays, too. People are watching it like crazy nowadays. I don't know why everybody's so into 9-11 now. Kind of a cult following. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 25:06

It's on letterboxed. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 25:08

Because it's on letterboxed? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What would you give it on Letterboxed?

SPEAKER_06 25:11

Oh, no, no. What would you give it on your scale of movies, negative 10 to 10? Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

That's right. Uh, for those of you that don't know, I love watching bad movies and I rate them on a scale of negative 10 to 10, or negative 10 is a movie so bad that's good. Positive 10 is a movie so good, that's good. And a zero is a movie so bad that's bad. And 9-11, I'm going to give probably negative two. Negative two.

SPEAKER_06 25:33

That's the same rating that you gave Devil Wears Prada to. Is that right? The exact same one.

SPEAKER_00 25:39

Now, who should be more offended? People who love 9-11 or people who love Devil Wears Prada?

SPEAKER_06 25:45

Prada 2.

SPEAKER_00 25:45

Two. What would you give Devil War's Product?

SPEAKER_06 25:47

Do people love 9-11?

SPEAKER_00 25:49

People, I'm telling you nowadays, I don't know what's going on. The internet loves 9-11. They're very infatuated with it. I don't know the best descriptor description for it.

SPEAKER_05 26:01

In my defense, the Devil Wears Prada 2. It it didn't capitalize on the fun things you wanted.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

And 9-11 didn't really capitalize on the didn't really capitalize on spent more money than it made.

SPEAKER_05 26:22

I'm trying to think of other reasons.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

I mean, I wish the conspiracies were more interesting.

SPEAKER_05 26:26

Not a better, should have been a better uh Emily Blunt vehicle.

SPEAKER_00 26:30

Oh, you're talking about 9-11. You're talking about 9-11?

SPEAKER_05 26:34

It should have been a better Emily Blunt vehicle. Should have been.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Should have been.

SPEAKER_05 26:38

Should have been.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

Could've been. Never too late.

SPEAKER_05 26:39

Never too late. Never forget. Um, okay.

SPEAKER_06 26:43

How did you die? Yes. Misery. Oh, of course. Do you want to take a whack at it? Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

Oh, I feel it's I do feel bad that my first thought was this and dairy. Of course. And I feel really bad about that. Wrote. I'm gonna guess that a sibling oxen of the one that you killed tried to kill you and did successfully. That's my first guess.

SPEAKER_05 27:09

I'm gonna guess you were helping for the river and a man pushed you off into the river.

SPEAKER_06 27:17

Both of you are wrong. It was cholera, baby. It was cholera.

SPEAKER_00 27:24

You got right to the camera.

SPEAKER_06 27:26

I can take it again. It was cholera, baby.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

That was cool.

SPEAKER_05 27:34

That's really cool. I don't know why, but saying cholera like that is really cool. That was really, really cool. Anything's cooler with the cigarette. Yeah. Whoa, okay. So you died of cholera. I'm very sorry.

SPEAKER_06 27:46

Thank you. And um, but that's okay. You know, we c we keep it moving, we keep it light. I get to wear track pants now. Yeah. Wow. It wasn't great. You know why? I wanted to die hot. I wanted to die a little attractive. Yeah. Cholera, I got all clammy, pale, shriveled up, my lips kind of inverted.

SPEAKER_00 28:04

You seem to be doing well for yourself, though.

SPEAKER_06 28:06

Thank you. I bounced back. Yeah. I bounced back.

SPEAKER_05 28:09

That's nice. Wow. I'm getting such a different conception of the organ trail than I ever had before. And I really appreciate that.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

Um it's nice to know that you once again, when you cross to the other side of this thing, you could reinvent yourself in any way you want.

SPEAKER_06 28:21

In any way. But obviously, when you say you're a different idea of the organ trail than you thought, you can say it. It's fine. You thought I was eating people. You think Donner Party. When you think the organ trail.

SPEAKER_05 28:33

I I until you said that, wasn't thinking about it.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

I thought those were different things.

SPEAKER_05 28:38

They are definitely different.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

I thought those were different topics.

SPEAKER_05 28:41

I think one's on a mountain, but I didn't think people got so hungry they ate each other. But did that happen?

SPEAKER_00 28:45

But yeah, but did you eat anybody?

SPEAKER_06 28:48

No, but would I have if I had to? Sure. Yes. There's some people that you were thinking about it, of course.

SPEAKER_05 28:55

There's a lot of politics where you could die if you're annoying on this.

SPEAKER_06 28:59

And you just kind of catch a vibe about some people. People think it's, oh, you'd eat this person because they're fat. You wouldn't eat this person because they're skinny or muscle or non-muscle. No, it's more just like, do you like that person? No. Is this person it is their personality plump? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

Just kind of catch a vibe. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 29:17

And you do want to eat a plump personality. You don't want to eat a few.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

You want to eat the people you like the most or the people you don't like?

SPEAKER_05 29:22

It depends.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

Depends. It's a vibe. It's a vibe thing.

SPEAKER_05 29:24

It's actually a vibe.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

It's a vibe thing.

SPEAKER_06 29:26

I don't think I'd eat David Foster necessarily. I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_06 29:32

It doesn't just sound nourishing.

SPEAKER_05 29:35

So uh doesn't sound tasty.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

Yeah, I don't think so. Catherine McFee, I'd eat.

SPEAKER_06 29:40

Me too. I'd eat her alive and I'd eat her not.

SPEAKER_03 29:45

Okay, Mastery.

SPEAKER_06 29:46

Okay. In the afterlife, you get to be bisexual. It's so crazy on Earth.

SPEAKER_07 29:51

And if you could actually say that to the camera.

SPEAKER_06 29:53

In the afterlife, you get to be bisexual.

SPEAKER_05 29:57

And it's so crazy on Earth you can't be bisexual. I wish they changed. That's true. I will reveal a spoiler is you you are always allowed to be, you were always allowed to be gay. Society's always going to be rude about it, but it's more okay now than it was. And you're always allowed to be.

SPEAKER_06 30:15

You're always allowed to be. You were always allowed to be gay, but you weren't allowed to do gay.

SPEAKER_05 30:22

You weren't ever allowed.

SPEAKER_06 30:28

And you're right. That's unfair of me to say. Or sometimes there were certain time periods where it seems like it was an open secret, and people would say, Yes. Oh, you know, President Buchanan. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 30:38

Those Romans.

SPEAKER_05 30:40

Is that true?

SPEAKER_00 30:41

He was the one president that was around when the country split into two different countries.

SPEAKER_05 30:46

That's awesome. And maybe he should have been around.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

And it has nothing to do with him being gay.

SPEAKER_05 30:50

Yeah, wait a minute. Unrelated. It seems like you connected those dots. Yeah, that's pretty nuts.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Unrelated.

SPEAKER_05 30:55

That's really nuts. Okay. Your faux pas has led me to believe we should take a commercial break.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

Yeah, agreed.

SPEAKER_05 31:00

So we will be right back. If you're reading this message, stop. You don't need to read anymore. You're in the afterlife. You don't need to impress anyone. Call this number below for more information. I'm freaking kidding. Stop reading right now. And we're back to my favorite part of the show.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

This is your favorite part of the show at interviewing this guest?

SPEAKER_05 31:22

I feel like you always say that at and we're back. Will lead. I'm so excited. Keep it in.

SPEAKER_04 31:32

I'm so excited for our next guest. Keep it in. I've heard it before.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

I mean, I please welcome the show. My favorite guest we've ever had.

SPEAKER_05 31:43

Idiot.

SPEAKER_00 31:43

Elizabeth Taylor.

SPEAKER_05 31:45

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 31:45

Hi, Elizabeth.

SPEAKER_05 31:47

Elizabeth, I really I made that flub because I think it's honest. You're just maybe the most famous person we've had.

SPEAKER_04 31:54

I am an icon. I am a diamond. I am the brightest diamond in the night sky.

SPEAKER_00 32:01

I would have to agree.

SPEAKER_04 32:02

I think so.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

I gotta be honest, I don't.

SPEAKER_04 32:04

Are you hitting on me?

SPEAKER_00 32:05

Uh I tend to hit on it.

SPEAKER_04 32:08

Because if you're hitting on me, this interview is gonna go well. Okay. Okay, good.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

Okay, good, good, good.

SPEAKER_04 32:13

Yes, I um you look beautiful. I always am beautiful. I am the brightest diamond in the night sky.

SPEAKER_03 32:22

I did say that.

SPEAKER_04 32:23

I am the most beautiful actor. Do you need water ever been? No, I'm used to you.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Did you run here?

SPEAKER_04 32:30

Breath support.

SPEAKER_00 32:30

Ah, I see.

SPEAKER_04 32:31

Oh, okay, got it. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Because are you are you uh I know you were an actor. What other uh did you sing?

SPEAKER_04 32:37

Did you March 23rd? Okay, 2011 is the worst day uh in human history. That's the day you died. That's the day I stopped becoming in the pictures.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

Yeah. Were you how often? How often were you in movies in your later life?

SPEAKER_04 32:55

Every day. Every day. Every day. What does that mean? You're always in a movie if you're me and you're alive. And now not so much.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

Well, yeah, yeah. I mean, in the afterlife, people aren't shooting as many movies as they used to.

SPEAKER_05 33:07

It's true. Are you trying to start a new afterlife like movie community or anything? No, I'm into jams now.

SPEAKER_04 33:15

I'm a wonderful cook. I'm into jams. Like making jams.

SPEAKER_00 33:19

Oh, I really thought you meant like uh like fish. Jam fish.

SPEAKER_04 33:24

Wait, fish is also a food. Oh, like uh a grateful. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, are you into a band? Are you in a band?

SPEAKER_00 33:32

Uh I've never been in a band. I am a musician, though. I or I play every once in a while.

SPEAKER_04 33:37

That's wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Yeah, is it?

SPEAKER_04 33:39

That's wonderful. Great.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

Were you a musician as well?

SPEAKER_04 33:42

No, but I married a few.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

You married a few.

SPEAKER_05 33:45

You had, I think, seven husbands. Is that all?

SPEAKER_00 33:48

Seven husbands?

SPEAKER_05 33:50

That's so that's like, yeah, what was uh that like?

SPEAKER_04 33:55

It was great. How did you always a new boat to swim in, if you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 34:00

How did you guys normally part ways? Was it different a variety of methods in terms of like divorce?

SPEAKER_04 34:05

Absolutely. Uh, you know, it depends on what type of husband they were. If they went and died on me, then that's how they that's how we parted. Right. So some of them died. Some of them weren't good men, and so I had to get rid of them.

SPEAKER_05 34:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

So they also died, or you divorce them?

SPEAKER_04 34:20

I would never. Okay. Are you insinuating that I killed my husband? It seemed like you were insinuating. You jumped there. Now that is a sin too far. Listen, some of you haven't been called a sexual deviant by the Vatican at its shows.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

You were called a sexual deviant?

SPEAKER_04 34:37

Something like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:39

That's I'm impressed. That's like a I feel like I long to be that.

SPEAKER_05 34:43

Well, didn't won't you just have to don't you just have to like freaking masturbate to be called a sexual deviant by the Vatican again? This is the conversation I like.

SPEAKER_00 34:51

You like masturbation.

SPEAKER_04 34:52

Masturbation, longing, can lust. Do you guys ever get so horny? Your tongue gets heavy. I can't even swim anymore because I could drown. My tongue gets so heavy. Whoa.

SPEAKER_00 35:07

Uh I was gonna say no to answer your question.

SPEAKER_04 35:11

People aren't cheating enough. Um people aren't cheating enough these things.

SPEAKER_00 35:16

People aren't cheating enough.

SPEAKER_04 35:18

And if they are, they're not out and proud about it anymore.

SPEAKER_05 35:22

Well, out and proud sort of means you're not cheating, right? Like like cheating kind of implies duplicitousness, like you're sneaking.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

You're saying open-yeah, nowadays people are uh polygamous or ethnically non-monogamous.

SPEAKER_05 35:37

Oh, ethnically.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

And ethnically non-monogamous. You don't care for that. You don't like you like monogamy with some cheating.

SPEAKER_04 35:48

I I like cheating if it's ethically mon non-monogamous or whatever you kids say these things.

SPEAKER_00 35:55

Is it because it's kind of sexy when you do when you're not allowed to?

SPEAKER_04 35:58

Forbidden. Come on. Yeah, the fruit of the loins merging. You ever look at someone and think they probably have a wife and kids? Yes, usually like a spouse.

SPEAKER_05 36:10

Yeah, usually if I looked at Walid's wife, I would think that.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

Yeah, that's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_05 36:15

That she has kids, or look at him and say he has a wife and kids. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 36:18

And you never just think, I want to make him mine.

SPEAKER_00 36:20

Uh not about me. Uh you're saying you see somebody with a wife and kids who you think have a wife and kids because they have a wedding ring, maybe, or something like that.

SPEAKER_05 36:28

You I I can understand you're being attracted to someone that is married. I just wouldn't do anything about it.

SPEAKER_04 36:33

And that's the problem with this generation.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

That is one of our.

SPEAKER_04 36:37

Where are all the hussies?

SPEAKER_05 36:38

Where have the hussies gone?

SPEAKER_00 36:40

Uh it can't be my fault. Well, I wonder if maybe there are. This is a thing that comes up often is like, are there more of these type of people? Are we just identifying it? Like, are there more artistic people nowadays? Are we just better at identifying it?

SPEAKER_05 36:55

You say artistic or autistic is what I meant to say.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

Because that is the but it's like, are there fewer hussies nowadays, or are we kind of just chill with hussies and we kind of don't call them hussies anymore?

SPEAKER_04 37:04

Well, that's what I mean. Where are all the hussies? If you're chill with hussies, they're not a hussy. Oh you should it should be someone you have a problem with, right? These days everybody's cheating, and then they go on record and and they say, I didn't break up a marriage. They write a whole album about how they're God's perfect angel. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:24

Is this a reference to somebody in particular?

SPEAKER_04 37:26

I mean, I've been watching the tabloids. Everybody has a public relations person these days.

SPEAKER_05 37:34

Yeah, to kind of like if they get involved in a cheating scandal, you know, they have someone that can kind of spin it, make it less offensive. We didn't have that in my day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 37:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:44

And you don't like that.

unknown 37:45

No.

SPEAKER_05 37:46

You want it to see so boring.

SPEAKER_00 37:49

What? Do you have cigarettes too?

SPEAKER_04 37:51

Why does everyone bring cigarettes? No, this is marijuana. Oh, do you have a light?

SPEAKER_00 37:57

I don't have a light.

SPEAKER_04 37:58

Oh god, everybody. It's so boring these days.

SPEAKER_00 38:03

I mean, that sounds great.

SPEAKER_04 38:05

I uh am I screaming?

SPEAKER_00 38:07

No, no, no. You're checking their levels.

SPEAKER_05 38:10

Wait, scream again. Give me all your money. You might be screaming a little, so I'll turn you down.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

Um I think you're doing great, though.

SPEAKER_05 38:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:20

Okay, I'm sorry that we don't have a light. We like I said, I don't smoke on set when I'm so okay. Um we'll we'll we'll get that. Are you doing okay?

SPEAKER_04 38:28

I've never been better.

SPEAKER_00 38:30

Really? You still having the time. I don't mean to. It seems like you're struggling, it just seems like you're struggling.

SPEAKER_04 38:35

I'm dead.

SPEAKER_00 38:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 38:37

But I'm having the time of my life. Nobody's mad at me here. People were mad at you on earth. I liked it.

SPEAKER_00 38:44

You like it?

SPEAKER_05 38:46

I'm really trying to grasp your philosophy.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

You are having a hard time up here. And you like that.

SPEAKER_04 38:52

I guess I am.

SPEAKER_00 38:55

Well, how about you tell us some of the worst things you're doing and we can berate you or something like that?

SPEAKER_04 38:59

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 39:00

Yeah, what what are some bad things you're doing up here now?

SPEAKER_04 39:02

Well, I'm writing a cookbook. Is that that?

SPEAKER_05 39:09

No. Well, I need to kind of just pin down your philosophy. Just for a second.

SPEAKER_04 39:17

My philosophy.

SPEAKER_05 39:18

Act. Always act.

unknown 39:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 39:22

That wasn't even part of what I was gonna say. No, no. My philosophy? Sparkle.

SPEAKER_00 39:27

Oh, they're different. I was gonna say maybe the act thing was not like be an actor, but it was more like act on it. Like do. Like do.

SPEAKER_05 39:36

Is that what it means? Do feels like your philosophy.

SPEAKER_04 39:41

Do is your philosophy. You ever get so horny, you just decide to press your body up against the checkout person.

SPEAKER_00 39:50

That, yes, I have. That one, yes, I have.

SPEAKER_04 39:54

That's standard.

SPEAKER_05 39:56

Now I like you.

SPEAKER_00 39:57

Yeah, we get horny.

SPEAKER_05 39:58

I get horny all the time. Of course, I have a feeling sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 40:02

But just say horny right now. From time to time. You're not in middle school now.

SPEAKER_05 40:06

From time to time.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

Your parents are not watching this, certainly.

SPEAKER_05 40:09

Of course they're not watching it. They weren't watching it on earth either.

SPEAKER_00 40:13

You can say horny. You get horny.

SPEAKER_05 40:15

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 40:15

I mean there's something adjacent. Do you have sex up here? Have you had sex up here yet? Don't act like it's a crazy question. We're talking horny.

SPEAKER_05 40:22

What is going on? Why is everyone?

SPEAKER_00 40:25

I think Elizabeth Taylor wants to know. That's all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_05 40:27

No, I have not had sex up here yet.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

Even with Mickey the Slick?

SPEAKER_05 40:31

That's disgusting. He said he was saving himself for his other marriage.

SPEAKER_00 40:36

Rake dated somebody that um did get married to somebody else.

SPEAKER_04 40:40

Honey, that's your window of opportunity. To what? Chate.

SPEAKER_00 40:45

Well, you were kind of being cheated on.

SPEAKER_05 40:48

Well, uh, what's going on? I so I didn't see that as an opportun because he drew a boundary. He said, You're my side piece. And that's a boundary, and you have to respect boundaries.

SPEAKER_00 41:03

I gotta admit, I think you might be the first side piece ever to not have sex with a person.

SPEAKER_04 41:09

I don't really think you're a side piece if you're not having sex. You're more like a buffet or a nightstand or a stool.

SPEAKER_05 41:19

I was always holding his medications.

SPEAKER_00 41:22

You were holding his medications for when he needed them.

SPEAKER_05 41:25

In like like a glass of water or something. You'd always ask me to hold that. A Bible. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

They did have a Christian ceremony.

SPEAKER_05 41:34

They did have a Christian him and his wife. And you ordained it? You did it? No, she tried to object. I tried to, I tried to object. I tried to break in there, but um I went horrible. So Christian wedding wasn't a Christian ceremony. She tried. She tried. I tried. I tried to be a hussy. Act. Act. Well, you know, if anyone wants to be a hussy with me, please call in now. No one has ever used our phone here at We're Dud. So if you want to give a call and I will be a hussy with you.

SPEAKER_00 42:00

Now, have you ever broken up? I know you've broken up your own marriages, but have you ever tried to break up somebody else's marriage or wedding?

SPEAKER_04 42:07

Oh, of course. Oh good. And how?

SPEAKER_00 42:11

And how? How?

SPEAKER_05 42:13

And then and then people loved me for it.

SPEAKER_00 42:15

People loved me. They loved me.

SPEAKER_05 42:16

And they loved me for it. People, I gotta pin this down. Did people love you or did they hate you?

unknown 42:21

A little bit of both.

SPEAKER_00 42:22

A little bit of both. A little bit of both. The Vatican's on a body.

SPEAKER_04 42:26

They loved to hate me. And that is my issue. These nimby pimby stars these days.

SPEAKER_02 42:32

Not in my backyard. Or no, you're just NIBY Pimby something else. Not in my backyard is sort of what they're saying.

SPEAKER_00 42:39

Is that a sexual thing?

SPEAKER_02 42:41

Cheat and no anal is what nimby means. No, not in my backyard.

SPEAKER_00 42:45

Not in my backyard.

SPEAKER_02 42:48

No, anal. That's the issue these days.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

So are you Yimby or are you NIMBY?

SPEAKER_02 42:54

I have a little bit of both.

SPEAKER_00 42:55

Okay. Depends on the game.

SPEAKER_02 42:59

You can't pin me down. I'm such a dynamic.

SPEAKER_05 43:02

I literally cannot pinch down. I'm trying. My brain is working over the colour. Well, let's just go to commercial so we can try and finish it. Okay, we will be right back.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

Damn, Susan, your soul stinks. My hole? No, your soul. You should try soul freshener. It gets the stink right out of your soul. And let me tell you, your soul smells like absolute turds.

SPEAKER_05 43:24

Okay, thanks, Michael. And we're back. We'll lead. I don't think I've ever said it before, but this is my favorite part of every episode.

SPEAKER_00 43:32

I agree. This is when we get a chance to not just introduce them to you, but also introduce them to each other. So please welcome back to the show, Misery and Elizabeth Taylor.

SPEAKER_05 43:40

Hi, doll. Hi. I've never seen a more natural connection between two guests. A woman who died on the Oregon Trail.

SPEAKER_00 43:47

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 43:49

Oh nice to meet you.

SPEAKER_00 43:55

Nice to meet you.

SPEAKER_05 43:58

What we call a heavens hello. And you are recently by, or recently out as bi. Yeah. Recently practicing bi practice.

SPEAKER_00 44:06

You're recently by.

SPEAKER_05 44:07

Recently out as bi.

SPEAKER_00 44:09

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_05 44:10

That was That was unbelievable.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Sorry. Uh I'd have to say. You ever get so horny. You never get so horny.

SPEAKER_04 44:18

Your tongue gets so heavy, you drown the Titanic. You ever get so horny. You you look at a uh you just can't you like look at an ironing board and you think that's how stiff I am.

SPEAKER_00 44:30

Oh yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_05 44:31

Sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:32

Not specifically, but yeah, I do get hard.

SPEAKER_05 44:34

I cannot believe we didn't even need to do anything. There's such a natural chemistry between these two. Yeah. A woman who died on the Oregon Trail and Elizabeth Taylor, the famous actress.

SPEAKER_00 44:45

The jewel of the sea. Were these real nicknames that people called you?

SPEAKER_05 44:50

Because I think that's the name of the necklace in the Titanic, right? The necklace of the Titanic.

SPEAKER_00 44:55

Was named after you.

SPEAKER_05 44:56

Okay. And interesting. And you discovered vaping? Yeah. Just now?

SPEAKER_06 45:01

No.

SPEAKER_00 45:01

And you have.

SPEAKER_06 45:02

It's like it's part of my smoking, you know. What the hell's going on?

SPEAKER_00 45:06

So Can we do a segment?

SPEAKER_06 45:07

We have to do a segment. Can we do a segment? Alright, I have to do a segment.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

Alright, let's just pick one. Elizabeth, would you like to pick one at random? And then don't look at the glass.

SPEAKER_04 45:16

Whichever's cutest. Yeah, okay. Well they all look the same.

SPEAKER_00 45:20

Alright, and then just give it to me and I'll and I'll read it. Okay. This is called one up. Everyone one-ups each other's stories with a related and true story. Okay. You can't just tell a random story that's interesting. All right. So one person starts. Who you would recognize? You're so bad at rules. All right.

SPEAKER_06 45:39

Um one up and true story. I'll start. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 45:42

You just gotta tell a story.

SPEAKER_06 45:44

Okay, so one time we had a sewing circle on the trail because Jessica um old Clemente was getting married. Jessica Old Clemente. Yeah. Well, there were two families. The old the the Clemente the Clementai clan split into two, and we called one the old Clementis. The old Clemente. It's just a name in the world. Yeah, maybe they were cool. She was getting she was getting married, and so we had a sewing circle to complete a quilt. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And so I had four quilt squares, and I cut up an old blanket that uh my. Sorry? He's being a facetious asswipe.

SPEAKER_05 46:33

Okay. Misery.

SPEAKER_06 46:35

Alright. Should I go on?

SPEAKER_05 46:37

Please. You should.

SPEAKER_06 46:40

So Micah had stained this blanket, so I cut four squares out of my head. Is Micah your husband or your brother? My husband.

SPEAKER_00 46:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 46:50

So anyways, I had four together, and then um and then unfortunately, Prudence Whipple. She said, um, oh, is that the blanket you're gonna use?

SPEAKER_00 47:04

She talked like Steve Urkel.

SPEAKER_05 47:06

Who's that? Steve Urkel.

SPEAKER_00 47:08

Or Stefan Urkel.

SPEAKER_05 47:09

He's she's not talking like Stefan Orkel. Stefan Orkel never got a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 47:13

I'm saying maybe you know Stefan Orkel.

SPEAKER_05 47:14

Never got dead zone like that.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

That's true.

SPEAKER_05 47:16

Do you know Stefan Orkel? Nope. Okay. So he's the hot version of Steve Urkel, so it's really then yes. And Steve. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 47:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 47:27

Continue.

SPEAKER_00 47:28

Continue.

SPEAKER_06 47:29

And I just knew that she was, she meant it in a rude way.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 47:35

Yeah. And I said, so I said, oh. Slap her. That's what you would have done. Slap her.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

I love that you're you're giving advice to a story.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

Next time. You're like watching a horror movie and you think you're gonna affect the outcome? Yeah, exactly. Next time. Next time. Next time.

SPEAKER_00 47:55

Alright, Elizabeth, can you top that story? Can you one up that story with a related true story?

SPEAKER_04 48:00

I was waiting for the story. I wasn't listening. But one time I was on a yacht with Richard. Burton. Burton, one of my husbands. And uh well, we were fighting. And I slapped him. And uh what what were some what else am I supposed to say? Do you remember we were fighting about?

SPEAKER_00 48:26

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:27

God, uh something or other.

SPEAKER_00 48:29

Something or other, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:30

I think I was cheating. Oh. And uh he was cheating.

SPEAKER_00 48:36

Oh and so was it a um was it a uh Pina Colada song type of situation where you guys were ended up cheating with each other?

SPEAKER_05 48:46

Is that what that song's about? What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 48:49

There's a song uh called Escape by Rupert Holmes where Married him. You married Rupert Holmes? Yeah. Oh, that's too bad that you don't know his most famous song. That might be led to a divorce.

SPEAKER_04 48:59

I don't pay attention to the work of my husband.

SPEAKER_00 49:02

But basically, they wrote a song he wrote a song where a man was not happy with his wife, so he starts to try to cheat on her, and when he meets up with the woman, the woman is uh his spouse.

SPEAKER_06 49:12

I know it sounds kind of strange, but me and my old lady had fallen into the same old.

SPEAKER_00 49:18

Now that's the beginning of the song. It'll take a while to get to the reveal.

SPEAKER_03 49:21

Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_06 49:22

So while she lay there sleeping, and then a personal and in the personal sex, but this is all skip, skip, and skip, skip, skip, skip.

SPEAKER_00 49:31

It was my old one.

SPEAKER_03 49:34

This is what I mean. Yeah, yeah, but you have half a brain, you're gonna be able to do it. Oh my dude. In the does of a tape. Oh, this part changes every time.

SPEAKER_05 49:53

Write to me something in love special game. So I thought the song was about love.

SPEAKER_00 49:58

No, well, yes, but at the end of the song, uh, she walks in and he says, It's my old lovely lady. It's my old lovely lady. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 50:06

She looked at me and she said, Okay, so yes, I like Pina Cala.

SPEAKER_06 50:11

This is the part I know.

SPEAKER_00 50:12

You love Ruper Holmes' song Escape.

SPEAKER_06 50:15

He's fine. Okay. Okay, fine. I mean, I agree. You know, I got I got into top 40 after I died. You got into what year? All of them. Okay. That was the whole time problem. So I was around for when top 40 was created.

SPEAKER_00 50:28

Yeah, top to begin.

SPEAKER_05 50:30

You were around for like the entertainer breaks the top 40.

SPEAKER_00 50:33

You like Scott Joplin?

SPEAKER_05 50:35

Married him.

SPEAKER_00 50:36

You married Scott Joplin.

SPEAKER_04 50:38

X.

SPEAKER_00 50:39

X.

SPEAKER_04 50:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 50:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 50:40

Okay, so so Richard and I were on a yacht.

SPEAKER_07 50:43

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 50:44

And we put four beds together.

SPEAKER_07 50:46

Four?

SPEAKER_04 50:47

Is this clip? Is this a big thing? It's like the slackers. Oh, it's like this was after I slapped him.

SPEAKER_00 50:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 50:54

And we sort of turned it into a wrestle ring and we were wrestling around with each other. And then we hit the Rock of Gibraltar because nobody was behind the wheel.

SPEAKER_00 51:05

The real Rock of Gibraltar?

SPEAKER_04 51:07

The real Rock of Gibraltar. A diamond. So sound. No, isn't it? And Gibraltar's a place. It is a diamond and a place. And my husband, Richard, bought it for me. The place. You own Gibraltar?

SPEAKER_06 51:25

I thought Spain. I'm sorry. She's saying like the rock, like a diamond. Like the rock.

SPEAKER_00 51:31

Well, that's what I thought, but a boat hit it.

SPEAKER_06 51:33

Right, but so there's a physical place that is the rock.

SPEAKER_05 51:36

Gibraltar is in, it's like off the coast of Spain.

SPEAKER_00 51:40

What is this? Is it religious related? The Rock of Gibraltar.

SPEAKER_05 51:44

What?

SPEAKER_00 51:44

The Rock of Gibraltar.

SPEAKER_05 51:45

What? What?

SPEAKER_00 51:47

Rika, your turn. One up the story.

SPEAKER_05 51:50

Okay. Um one Good luck, bitch.

unknown 51:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 51:55

Slut. Aren't they trying to be a slut? I think that's a compliment.

SPEAKER_00 52:01

I think it's a compliment.

SPEAKER_05 52:02

Compliment. I try to understand. Okay. Um, one time outside um like a National Honor Society ceremony, uh, my uncle and my cousin got into a shoe fight and they started throwing their shoes at each other. What?

SPEAKER_00 52:17

Shoe fight?

SPEAKER_05 52:18

Yeah, that's kind of common in South Asian culture. You kind of have a shoe fight sometimes. You throw your shoe at someone.

SPEAKER_06 52:22

I just say, I don't know if that's true. And I'm gonna need you to be straight with me. Is that the game?

SPEAKER_05 52:29

I believe it to be true, at least about my family. I've seen people fight with shoes where they take them. Are they holding them?

SPEAKER_00 52:35

They're throwing them or they're hitting each other.

SPEAKER_05 52:36

They take their slipper off and they throw it at you.

SPEAKER_00 52:39

How do you win?

SPEAKER_05 52:41

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 52:42

Should we play?

SPEAKER_04 52:43

I don't understand. I'm not wearing shoes. You wanted her to be straight with you, but you're bisexual.

SPEAKER_00 52:49

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_06 52:50

That's confusing. My mistake. Be whatever you want to do.

SPEAKER_00 52:54

Be bi with me.

SPEAKER_06 52:55

Hey Richard, be bye with me. If you want, be bi with me. The bye of Gibraltar. In what way?

SPEAKER_00 53:01

As opposed to the straight of Gibraltar.

SPEAKER_05 53:04

Everybody took 10 minutes to get my joke, but I'm hopping on to all of your jokes immediately.

SPEAKER_04 53:09

My husband, Richard, bought me Gibraltar.

SPEAKER_05 53:12

Bye.

SPEAKER_04 53:13

He bought it.

SPEAKER_05 53:14

Passive by.

SPEAKER_00 53:15

Passive by is bought.

unknown 53:17

Right.

SPEAKER_05 53:17

Well, eat your turn.

SPEAKER_00 53:18

Oh, I gotta stop the shoe story. Alright. Um.

SPEAKER_05 53:22

Is that a different vape? Oh, no, it's the same. Sorry. It's just lit up, so you got confused. Sorry, it is lit up. Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 53:29

Uh, the reason this comes to mind is because uh we did NHS in the lunchroom. We had meetings in the lunchroom of our cafeteria. And one time when I was in lunch uh in high school.

SPEAKER_05 53:40

In lunch.

SPEAKER_00 53:40

In lunch, period.

SPEAKER_05 53:42

He's inside of a pizza.

SPEAKER_00 53:43

I was inside a little pizza pizza pizza crust. Cheat up, pizza press. Okay. Cheat crap peep poor. Uh and uh did you know that if you blow up a gallon bag, uh like a plastic gallon bag, and then you shove a grape into the corner and then you smack the bag, the grape will fly across the room.

unknown 53:59

What?

SPEAKER_06 54:00

What? That's fantastic. Let's think about it together. Yeah so you you inflate it.

SPEAKER_00 54:05

You inflate it, you zip, you ziplock it all the way to the bag.

SPEAKER_06 54:08

Wait, a ziploc bag or a garbage bag?

SPEAKER_00 54:10

A ziploc bag.

SPEAKER_03 54:12

A gallon cruiser bag.

SPEAKER_00 54:14

A gallon ziploc bag.

SPEAKER_05 54:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 54:16

And you take in the corner of it, in one of the inflated corners, you take a grape and you push it in.

SPEAKER_05 54:22

How am I pushing it into a corner? I know how.

SPEAKER_00 54:24

You invert it. You invert it. From the outside. From the outside. Bag is sealed. Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 54:31

Push it into the corner like the outside. Like pushing in a button.

SPEAKER_00 54:34

Like sure, pushing in a button. And you push it all the way in, and then you smack the bag, and the grape will launch.

SPEAKER_06 54:41

But do you do is the grape secured by free hands? Free handed? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:48

It stays in there. If we had a gallon bag, I could show you right now.

SPEAKER_05 54:50

And slap the bag.

SPEAKER_00 54:52

Slap it.

SPEAKER_05 54:53

But why do you what's the purpose? Who cares?

SPEAKER_00 54:55

To fly a grape across the room.

SPEAKER_05 54:56

And it can be anything that size, right?

SPEAKER_00 54:58

It could be anything. Grapes work the best because they're spherical and they and they go. Light enough to travel. Light enough to travel while also having some density to it, right?

SPEAKER_04 55:06

A diamond. The diamond of the vine. The diamond of Gibraltar.

SPEAKER_00 55:11

And my we would do it in lunch because there was a catwalk above our lunch, and we would try and launch it up and over the catwalk. And we did it, and we were very happy about it. And we were all standing when we did it. And then we looked over, and then the assistant principal was standing right there. And we all sat down like this immediately. Because he saw it land. He didn't see necessarily where it came from, but we were all like that.

SPEAKER_05 55:33

It could have come from the ceiling. You probably like this because it's rebellious and it has to do with grapes is what jam is made of. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 55:39

It's sort of a all of my interest sort of in one.

SPEAKER_00 55:45

My story?

SPEAKER_06 55:46

Can I say something? Yes. Of course. Never once have I ever heard the phrase grape jam.

SPEAKER_00 55:51

Grape jam?

SPEAKER_06 55:52

Just grape jelly.

SPEAKER_00 55:54

What's the difference? Can we talk about the difference too?

SPEAKER_05 55:56

Please be honest. What's the difference? Be bi with me.

SPEAKER_00 55:59

What's the difference?

SPEAKER_06 56:00

I'll be by with you guys. You guys guess. You guess. I think that jelly is somehow clarified, whereas jam is mush. I think jam all the way around fiber in it.

SPEAKER_00 56:10

No, I think it's something related to the sugar content.

SPEAKER_05 56:12

It must. Okay. Honestly, can I be completely honest? Preserves, I think, are straight up fruit. We're not straining any fiber out. Right. I think jelly, you're straining all the fiber out. Jelly is smooth as ice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:24

But why are we not asking the jam lady?

SPEAKER_05 56:26

I just think she's don't. You can't call her the jam lady.

SPEAKER_00 56:29

I think she would like to be called lady.

SPEAKER_04 56:30

It must be jam because my jelly don't shake.

SPEAKER_02 56:34

Oh, yeah. Sure.

SPEAKER_00 56:37

Because you're Jim B, right? Jam in my backyard.

SPEAKER_02 56:40

What'd you say?

SPEAKER_00 56:40

You're Jimby, right? Jam it in my backyard.

SPEAKER_02 56:42

Please don't jam it in my backyard. Good creep.

SPEAKER_00 56:46

Now that is a different one.

SPEAKER_05 56:48

That's a different vape. That one looks like a ketchup bottle.

SPEAKER_00 56:52

Yeah, uh, for those not watching, misery is holding two vapes and rocking it.

SPEAKER_05 56:57

One is square and purple and black, and one is red, like a little tiny ketchup bottle.

SPEAKER_06 57:02

And again, it doesn't matter. You can smoke as much as you want in the afterlife. It's true. It's completely true.

SPEAKER_04 57:06

Are some people just listening to this?

SPEAKER_00 57:08

Yeah, some people are just listening to it.

SPEAKER_04 57:10

Oh, God.

SPEAKER_00 57:11

Well, you like when people look at you.

SPEAKER_04 57:13

I just my my whole thing. There is a vision is to be seen. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 57:17

Yeah, but I mean, you have striking eyes. That is one of the things you're most famous. There's songs about it, right?

SPEAKER_04 57:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:24

Right? Is Elizabeth Taylor's eyes?

SPEAKER_04 57:26

Elizabeth Taylor's eyes.

SPEAKER_00 57:28

What is that from?

SPEAKER_04 57:28

Are you thinking of Betty's? That's nope, not thinking about her at all.

SPEAKER_00 57:32

I think it's Elizabeth's.

SPEAKER_05 57:34

It's Elizabeth Taylor. It doesn't quite fit into the okay.

SPEAKER_00 57:40

Call you slut.

SPEAKER_05 57:41

I think that's good.

SPEAKER_00 57:42

And I think it's the only time anybody ever has.

SPEAKER_05 57:44

Yes, the hussy phone is not ringing, so if she has to call me a slut, that's fine. Okay. Wow. I think we've learned a lot today.

SPEAKER_00 57:52

Yeah, I totally agree. I'm so impressed with your instant connection. Yeah. It was shocking and uh one for the ages.

SPEAKER_05 58:01

Well, I'm Rayka Shunker. Oh, sorry. They say you only live once. I'm Rika Shunker. Sorry.

SPEAKER_07 58:07

They say you only live once.

SPEAKER_05 58:09

They say you only live once, but then there's the afterlife. I'm Ray Kishunker.

SPEAKER_00 58:13

And I'm Malid Mansur. And we're dead.