We're Dead
We’re Dead is a public access talk show broadcasting straight from the afterlife. Recently deceased hosts, Rekha Shankar and Waleed Mansour, interview fellow residents of the great beyond from the great beyond. From historical figures to beloved fictional characters, it’s the only show where death is just the beginning of a good conversation.
We're Dead
Do cherries float in the afterlife (Alex Fernie, Leonard Smith Jr.)
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On this week's episode, Rekha and Waleed discuss embarrassing deaths with former president, Zachary Taylor, and a former rapper, Silky Johnson. What are your thoughts on Kim Jong Goon?
Hosts:
Rekha Shankar
Waleed Mansour
Guests:
Alex Fernie as President Zachary Taylor
Leonard Smith Jr. as Silky Johnson
Edited by Waleed Mansour
Welcome to another day of viewing on public access television. We hope you enjoy today's programming.
SPEAKER_04I'm Reka Shunker.
SPEAKER_02And I'm Louis Man's Door.
SPEAKER_04And We're Dead. Welcome to Weird Dead, the afterlife's number one cable access show.
SPEAKER_02That's right. We've been dead for about a year now, and we get a chance to talk to a bunch of dead people and see how their afterlife is going and how their death was, and you know, if they're at peace, maybe.
SPEAKER_04I know. Have we met anyone that's at peace?
SPEAKER_02It feels like everybody's got an axe to grind still. Yeah. Some people are pretty chill, though. Confucius was pretty chill.
SPEAKER_04Confucius was on a whole other level. I could not believe how unbelievable. I mean, it it makes sense. I feel like if any vibe is to be admitted from Confucius, it's being chill.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_04But the way he was chill. He came in in a fuzzy bucket hat.
SPEAKER_02That was shocking.
SPEAKER_04That's really shocking.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and even he was so kind of upset with like internet users for roasting him.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_02So yeah.
SPEAKER_04Speaking of the internet.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah. Do we want to go through uh pull pull out a comment?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, we recently found out that somehow we're on the internet. We thought we were just piping into your TVs via our popular cable access show on television. Yes. Uh, but we recently found out we're online on TikTok at Weird Dead Show, Instagram at Weird Dead Show, YouTube at Weird Dead Show.
SPEAKER_02So we're just going through some comments just to pay homage to those that are willing to write some stuff about our show. Uh let's see what we got.
SPEAKER_04Um, what the fuck? What's going on here? I accidentally droped into this video and can't tell what this is about. So we did tell me a lot of these were positive.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, this I swear they're good. I swear there are some that I wrote that were good. What what WTF, what's going on here? I maybe this is good. This isn't bad.
SPEAKER_04I accidentally droped into this video. Like, what's going on? And can't tell what this is about. I don't think there's a positive way to say can't tell what this is about.
SPEAKER_02I can't tell what this is about.
SPEAKER_04Like when I see a TV show.
SPEAKER_02What if it's like this is crazy? That could be good, right? This is this is I actually dropped. I dropped I droped. They spelled drop dropped wrong.
SPEAKER_04It's yeah, it's dropped.
SPEAKER_02Droped into this video, and I can't tell what this is about.
SPEAKER_04Okay, here can I comment on this?
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_04Watch the video.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_04Then you know what it's about.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. We stay up top, we're dead.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. You droped in and then you're waiting for two seconds.
SPEAKER_02Did you did you go through did you scro scrub? Did you scrobe? Did you scrobe halfway through and you droped right in? Well, start at the beginning. We explained.
SPEAKER_04Or like, or like go to our page. Maybe we need to make more inscrutable and cryptic videos so that you go to our page to go, what's this about?
SPEAKER_02Can you imagine clicking on a video, watching part of it, not understanding it, and then feeling the need to comment? That's a crazy thing.
SPEAKER_04We can't even talk about it. I don't want to make people scared to comment.
SPEAKER_02But I can't imagine. If you're confused, comment now.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, actually, wait, it's good for engagement. Just write, I dropped in. What's happening?
SPEAKER_02I dropped in. I dropped in and I'm loving this, maybe.
SPEAKER_04But no, I simply, even in the afterlife, could never. My friend Mike Trapp, who is alive, which is a count against him, once told me he read a recipe once and someone commented on it. What is this? Wait, never mind. And I think when you write never mind.
SPEAKER_02Never mind it.
SPEAKER_04Never mind is the verbal delete, right? Just delete it. Just delete it. To close the page. You can never mind it. We don't ever need to know that it happened.
SPEAKER_02You can always never mind a comment just on your own.
SPEAKER_04Just just with that little backspace key. You can never mind it.
SPEAKER_02Because it's very different than when I'm setting a text and I accidentally send one too quick, and then I give a never mind.
SPEAKER_04Commenting on a recipe is very intentional.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah. If it were a separate comment, if you're like, oh, I can't delete my comments.
SPEAKER_04One and you go one second later, you go, never mind. I guess. I go, think before you act. I go think before you act a little bit.
SPEAKER_02That's crazy. That's a crazy thing. Okay. Well, thank you for the comment. I guess.
SPEAKER_04I guess it's good for engagement. I honestly, if you hate the show, you should comment. I think it's good for engagement.
SPEAKER_02Yes, I agree. Please tell us if you hate this thing. Uh but and we appreciate you stopping by.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Speaking of stopping by, yeah. I stopped by a piano class.
SPEAKER_02Great. Okay, excellent.
SPEAKER_04Um, I didn't want to take one with Beethoven because he was a guest.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And it felt weird.
SPEAKER_02It felt like it'd be embarrassing.
SPEAKER_04Why do you assume it would automatically be embarrassing?
SPEAKER_02It's like a power shift. I felt like here we're big dogs. We're kind of the big dogs. And then to go and now you're learning from Beethoven.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. You look like a noob. Which you are.
SPEAKER_04Insane.
SPEAKER_02How are you learning anything in particular?
SPEAKER_04Well, I'm practicing scale, so you're just getting the like finger.
SPEAKER_02Got any favorites?
SPEAKER_04Scale?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04C?
SPEAKER_02C is the easiest.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Well, I thought I was freaking sue me. I like the easiest one.
SPEAKER_02Isn't C just all the white keys? And now I'm racist.
SPEAKER_04What's going on with you?
SPEAKER_02I'm just saying you could play, you could play it like this. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do you know what I mean? Am I crazy? You're the one taking piano classes. It's been 20 years since I've played piano.
SPEAKER_04And you okay, wow. Everyone did hobbies in their kid. And so I'm too late to catch up.
SPEAKER_02What hobbies? You didn't have any hobbies as a kid?
SPEAKER_04I drew a little. You do a little bit. I painted a little. Okay.
SPEAKER_02I um Why don't you get into painting again? You can paint me. I've never been painted, I don't think. I drew myself. I remember in uh in eighth grade we had to draw ourselves. So I did that, but nobody's ever painted me.
SPEAKER_04I cannot do abstract work.
SPEAKER_02Okay. What are you using pointalism? What do you how are you drawing? How would you paint finger painting? That's me? Just a circle, and you're coloring in my beard and two dots for eyes. And I'm happy. That was a little happy face you drew. Okay. Well, that's nice.
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah. Uh I guess that makes sense though. You you draw.
SPEAKER_02I do draw.
SPEAKER_04You don't get drawn. I mean, you're not drawing other people then.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. I was I'm so interested in getting into photography. I love photography.
SPEAKER_04What makes you think that you have the eye for that? If anything.
SPEAKER_02Um probably all of my different art skills. Like I'm a graphic designer, uh, video editor, I'm an illustrator. Well, it's all in the same vein of visual things. No, am I wrong?
SPEAKER_04I'm sure a photographer would take on Bridge with Thought, but sure.
SPEAKER_02Well, you know, I'm I apologize if I've offended any photographers that are watching the show right now.
SPEAKER_04Name a famous photographer.
SPEAKER_02Uh Ansel Adams.
SPEAKER_04I'm not an actor.
SPEAKER_02I you're thinking of Ansel Algorg.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02And did you say something? You name a famous photographer.
SPEAKER_03No, it's not my passion. I'm not trying to become one.
SPEAKER_02Name a famous pianist besides Beethoven.
SPEAKER_03A pianist?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Bach.
SPEAKER_02Bach. Did he put you a piano? Bach, Bach.
SPEAKER_04Bach, Bach Bach? What? Yes, of course you did piano. Why made me second gas?
SPEAKER_02Bach, yeah. I'm sure he did.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Uh well, what do you want me to say?
SPEAKER_04Uh nothing. Okay. I'm sure you're gonna be awesome at photography, and I'm gonna suck ass at piano.
SPEAKER_02Is already what was I gonna say? I was re I brought up photography because what I was gonna say was something very interesting that I've lost now at this point. Okay. Because you distracted me.
SPEAKER_04Uh was it what what your subjects would be?
SPEAKER_02Was it how many Ah, yes, because I've been interested in getting into photography, but also I would love to have photos of myself. But it's like I feel like why do you want photos of yourself? Because for me, you know, for maybe uh marketing the show, something we should maybe do.
SPEAKER_04You want to photo dress yourself to market the show?
SPEAKER_02I mean, whatever. If it works, it works, you know? Okay. Okay, you could be in it too.
SPEAKER_04Thank you.
SPEAKER_02But it's hard to you know frame up pictures of yourself. When I'm trying to like figure out, oh, am I in the frame, whatever, and I'm in front of the camera and behind the camera.
SPEAKER_04You need to get a photographer in the afterlife to kind of take up.
SPEAKER_02But I don't want to pay them because I'm interested in taking up the hobby. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04What if uh what if what if they what if you need an intern? Like you you promoted as an internship. You get a photography hopeful that died in the field.
SPEAKER_02Hit up Ansel.
SPEAKER_04Like, hey Ansel Elgore.
SPEAKER_02Hell hit up Ansel Algore when he dies and see if he wants to take pictures of me. No, he's a creep, isn't he? They're all creeps.
SPEAKER_04I don't know. I'm sure. I'm sure.
SPEAKER_02Why are they all creeps? Speaking of creeps, are you dating anybody new?
SPEAKER_04Okay. Uh, and no, and honestly, no, I don't even have a creep at my beck and call currently. No, because I got catfished again, Walid.
SPEAKER_02You got catfished again?
SPEAKER_04For third time.
SPEAKER_02Break uh for the third time. Break uh Yeah. I thought uh shame on this is what this is past shame on you.
SPEAKER_04Why? Because I keep putting myself out there. Oh, Walid thinks it's shameful to try to find love.
SPEAKER_02No, uh the saying fool me one shame on me, fool me one shame on you, fool me one shame on me, fool me three times, I'm full of things.
SPEAKER_04You're speaking in tongues, okay. I got catfished because I was trying to go on a date with Nelson Mandela, who is dead. People up here also forget that.
SPEAKER_02And you're interested.
SPEAKER_04And I'm interested. Okay, I'm interested. Um, but I got catfished and it wasn't him.
SPEAKER_02Is that called the Mandela effect when you get catfished by Nelson Mandela?
SPEAKER_04I think that would be if I thought I went on a date with him and he's like, no, you didn't.
SPEAKER_02No, you didn't. That was Morgan Freeman.
SPEAKER_03Heartbreaking. If I went on a date with Morgan Freeman, that's a Mandela effect because that's also heartbreaking. Because I'm not his granddaughter, so you won't date me.
SPEAKER_02Uh but speaking of famous politicians, yeah, we have one. We have one.
SPEAKER_04I think our very first former president, I am so excited to introduce President Zachary Taylor.
SPEAKER_01Hello. Hi, Zachary. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being on the show. My favorite photographer is Robert Maplethorpe. Robert Maplethorpe, what kind of thing? That's not an actor. No, Robert Maplethorpe was not. You're thinking De Niro.
SPEAKER_03Okay. What did you say? What did I say?
SPEAKER_01Uh Maplethorpe took many portraits, uh and also especially extremely sexual ones. Extremely sexual.
SPEAKER_04Interesting.
SPEAKER_01Now, what's the difference between sexual and extremely sexual? Honestly, if you look it up later, it'll be so clear.
SPEAKER_04Got it. Okay. And you, that's your favorite photographer. But when you were alive, which was what, like the mid-1800s?
SPEAKER_01And early.
SPEAKER_04And early, of course. Um, did you have a painting portrait in the White House? Oh, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01Oh, of course, yes. Also, I've been I've had several daguerreotypes taken of me. A daguerreotype. Now, what is that? It's an early form of this wasn't how I thought this was gonna start. It was an early form of photography using a different system, uh, a different developmental system. But if you see people from my time photographed, it's often a daguerreotype.
SPEAKER_04I think what I'm loving about this is I know a couple of things about you, Zachary Taylor. Um, and I'm loving that we're knowing that you're smart. He's like a very, very smart guy.
SPEAKER_01That's a new piece of information for you. Well, I don't think it I don't think it counts as being smart, just being aware of the time that you lived. Okay. Yes. Okay, so you're not. You're so smart, you know what a car is.
SPEAKER_04Okay, sure. Okay, so you're not smart. I don't want to put that on you.
SPEAKER_01Honestly, no. Very I was a soldier first and foremost.
SPEAKER_02I was the president. Actually, to be fair, a lot of presidents are not smart.
SPEAKER_04It's true.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04We're losing tallies in the smart column here. Um, Zachary, did you also is Zachary too informal? Do we have to say Mr. President?
SPEAKER_01No, no, no, please. The uh term ends once you've passed on.
SPEAKER_04Really?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. They don't do that on oh, once you've passed the once you've passed on.
SPEAKER_04I guess I haven't thought about what people call like Jimmy Carter in the afternoon.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, if I were if I were to talk about Ronald Reagan, I wouldn't say Mr. President Reagan. That's right.
SPEAKER_04I certainly wouldn't.
SPEAKER_02And I certainly wouldn't.
SPEAKER_04And I uh certainly wouldn't. Um so Zach, uh what uh feels wrong. Feels wrong? Is there something you want people to know about you?
SPEAKER_01I want people just to appreciate my term in office. I was president for 16 months. Not the shortest, not the shortest. I beat Garfield because he got shot in the back by Gateau. Yeah, and of course I beat uh Harrison, who just died after a month. But I made it 16 months, that's pretty good. Yeah, I Harrison died from the flu because he got right it's unclear. Uh it was either the flu, it was possibly the flu, or it was just the open sewer system we had in the District of Columbia.
SPEAKER_04Of course. So smart that'll get you. Um now that is interesting. 16 months. I don't typically think about president's terms in terms of like baby ages.
SPEAKER_01You should, yes. My presidency was the size of a guava. If you use the app. Okay.
SPEAKER_04I'm familiar with those ops, yes.
SPEAKER_02Wow, and so uh I will say I'm unfamiliar with what cut you short.
SPEAKER_01Uh I was laid low by the most dastardly of assassins. My love of cherries and milk. I ate too many cherries and milk. Really was expecting you to say a person. No. Okay. And I died. And you understand. You've all had cherries and milk, the two things that are always combined. And you thought, well, I can't just eat one cherry and milk. You have to eat many, many cherries and milk. And I ate so many cherries and milk uh that after a uh several weeks of illness, stomach-based illness, yeah. I don't I won't spell it out for you. Okay. Uh I did die.
SPEAKER_04Were you feeding like a toddler or something? Like that.
SPEAKER_02Feeding me.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_02It kind of answers your question. Um does so but how does that kill you? How does that kill you? No offense. None taken. Uh in what way does that lead to a death?
SPEAKER_01You eat too many of anything, it's going to kill you. Anything. Is that right? There's nothing that you can't eat too much of to die. This sentence, I just phrased didn't work, but you got the gist.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Even like cotton candy. Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_04Even a whole pound of sugar. But it's a whole bunch of. Even a bag of cancer.
SPEAKER_02It's mostly air.
SPEAKER_04Okay. This is so shocking to me because cherries and milk independently are like healthy.
SPEAKER_02Is that a pregnancy thing? Am I crazy? You are crazy. No, you're thinking of pickles. Are you thinking of pickles? Or are you thinking of strawberries and cream? Strawberries and ice cream or something like that?
SPEAKER_04Strawberries and ice cream's for everybody.
SPEAKER_02No, only pregnant people.
SPEAKER_04Strawberries and cream does feel like a cousin of cherries and milk. It feels like the normal cosmic.
SPEAKER_01Pickles and milk is a pregnancy thing, right?
SPEAKER_04Pickles and peanut butter?
SPEAKER_01I've never been pregnant. And when my wife, Peggy, was pregnant, I avoided her. You have children. Oh, yes. How many? Let's say six. Okay.
SPEAKER_04That sounds nice.
SPEAKER_02I have two. I have two. Congratulations. Thank you very much. Yeah. And uh when I was a father on Earth, it was at a time when I like paid a lot of attention to my kids. Yes.
SPEAKER_01It was that was not the um vibe. Yeah. Uh in the 18s, 30s, and 40s. Yeah. I was busy. I was fighting an unjust war in Mexico and doing great, by the way. Unjust on what side? Oh, we just didn't, we just straight up invaded them. Yeah. We just said that the border was somewhere different. We said, now this is ours. And he said, no. And I said, okay, I'll see you at the Battle of Buena Vista. Wow. And then I became president for 16 glorious beautiful months.
SPEAKER_04Now, I I gotta know the first cherries and monk night.
SPEAKER_01We're talking about it. I am getting hungry. You're salivating? Okay.
SPEAKER_04I don't want to make you hungry.
SPEAKER_01Wait, so this was the first night. This was days you were doing this? I ate cherries and milk all the time. I just ate too many 16 months in. I believe in the 4th of July party. I can't remember. All the parties blend together. Good grief. Fourth of July.
SPEAKER_03There are new dogs? Searching for food if that's the treat at the 4th of July.
SPEAKER_01What a treat. Cherries and milk.
SPEAKER_03Were there a lot of cherries about?
SPEAKER_02Because then wasn't Washington chopping those down left and right?
SPEAKER_04Cherry blossoms in DC.
SPEAKER_02That's right. Yeah. There are cherries around. They're easy to transport.
SPEAKER_04DC cows.
SPEAKER_02So this is Washington is past his uh cherry cutting down prime. Yes.
SPEAKER_04And is he even did he die by this time?
SPEAKER_02Oh, extremely.
SPEAKER_01Extremely died. Yeah. Yes, he's extremely died. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_04Okay. So the first time. Are you how you had it before? I want to take you through it. You had it.
SPEAKER_01What you do is you take the cherries. Okay, and you're familiar with cherries. For sure. Yeah. And then you put them in the milk.
SPEAKER_04Ah, like cereal. It's like cereal.
SPEAKER_01I don't like cereal. This is pre-cereal. This is pre-cereal. And I have to imagine one of the reasons they invented cereal was because they were like, people keep dying of these cherries and milks. They're becoming addicted to these cherries and milks.
SPEAKER_04It's what's crazy is the big difference with the cereal is I don't have to take every kernel of cereal and be like, uh-oh, a pit, spit it out, and then eat it.
SPEAKER_01Well, with a blessed life you lead.
SPEAKER_04That's my privilege.
SPEAKER_01But the pits didn't have anything to do with your death. No. Sheer too many. Sh just too many or if there's just stuff on the cherries and milk. Oh, not watch. Yeah. Maybe the raw milk. Well, obviously, we didn't believe in washing then. Yeah, that's how Garfield died. They didn't wash his hands before they started poking around the bullet wound.
SPEAKER_04Is that true?
SPEAKER_01100% true. There weren't germs back then. That's right.
SPEAKER_04Well, there were, but they were some guys like washing his asshole and then touching President Garfield's hole. Hole?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Bullet hole. Bullet hole. Bullet hole. And he didn't even make it believe it.
SPEAKER_04That's you're trying to kind of make a campaign here.
SPEAKER_01Can you believe that?
SPEAKER_04You're like, oh wait, but that guy over there.
SPEAKER_01But Harrison, whatever. He was out in the wet. Garfield's like, oh boy, you get shot in the back of the train station, the guy's poking his finger in your hole for a while, and then you just fucking drop dead.
SPEAKER_04I gotta say something else additionally humiliating for Garfield to join you on the smear campaign. Is every time you've said Garfield, the first person I think of is the orange cat, which is our person.
SPEAKER_02That's right. Very true. Yeah. Yeah. Uh so it so but you are trying to basically earn cred right now by saying your death is not the most embarrassing. It isn't the most embarrassing one.
SPEAKER_01There's been so many more embarrassing ones. Oh, yeah. At the play? You don't make a noise like that in a play. It's humiliating.
SPEAKER_04Everyone got so freaked because he screamed so loud. And I'm like, man up.
SPEAKER_01It's embarrassing because he was an he was an inconsiderate audience member. That's right. They that's why they started doing the little speech before a play. Yeah. Like, no cabbies don't get shot in the fucking head.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Can you be quiet?
SPEAKER_01Just for one moment. Patty Lapone will fucking tear you a new asshole if you start getting shot in the head at a play.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god. Whoa, okay. I I may be silly on Lincoln side. I'm not fully convinced, I will say. No offense. Um, I too much cherries and milk, it's it's it is silly. It's not the first silly death we've had on the show. Uh do you feel that it's silly at all, or no? No.
SPEAKER_01Have you had cherries and milk?
SPEAKER_02I have never had cherries and milk. Well, together independently for sure.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, then that's not the same thing as it's being like, oh yeah, I've had cake, I had egg, and I had flour and I had sugar. No. Is it a cup or a bowl with the spoons that you're doing? Whatever you want could just be a cupped hand. Simply a cupped hand with having the milk that's everywhere.
SPEAKER_04That would be more deadly because these people are washing their assholes and then pouring milk in their hands and then eating.
SPEAKER_02Or they're not washing their assholes.
SPEAKER_04Sorry. Yeah, actually, their hands should be squeaky clean. Nobody's sticking their hand back there. Things are just flopping out and then they're not even addressing it.
SPEAKER_02I don't want flopping out. Do you have you learned over time that like maybe we should be washing hands?
SPEAKER_01Still, is that something that you or do you think in the afterlife it doesn't particularly matter? And I will say this I keep dying in the afterlife from the cherries and milk thing. So that's why I think it's too many. I can't because they have cherries and milk up here. Yeah, they do. But I keep eating them and then I die again.
SPEAKER_03Sad.
SPEAKER_01I know. I can't help it. It's an addiction.
SPEAKER_02That is wild because it feels like once I I was gonna say earlier, it seems like you're speaking so positively of these things that led to your death.
SPEAKER_04It's almost like like people will be like, oh, I threw up after having pineapple and now I can't eat pineapple. Like they have this bad association with it. Yeah. You not not for you, from dying.
SPEAKER_01From dying, yeah. I ate the cherries and milk and I had straight up fatal diarrhea. Uh and we learned what the stomach thing was.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Fatal. Could have guessed, but we learned.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, you brought up throwing up. I was like, well, I don't want them to think I was vomiting as the president of the United States.
SPEAKER_04Oh, that's embarrassing. Almost as bearing as being assassinated.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. Now, when you say fatal diarrhea, you mean fatal to you, not to somebody else, right? Well, I was gone. I don't know. It's affected people after I was dead.
SPEAKER_04Whoa. That would be terrible if your diarrhea killed someone else.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Fuck.
SPEAKER_02That'd be awful.
SPEAKER_04You're like your wife sees it and has a heart attack.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. But I I remember when I was a little kid, I remember one day. This was at a time when I was still liked apple juice. Yeah. And one day I was okay. Please continue with the story. We brushed my teeth, and then immediately after brushing my teeth with minty minty toothpaste, I took a sip of apple juice, and it was the most disgusting thing I've ever had. Going forward, that is what apple juice always tasted like to me. And to this day I cannot drink apple juice. Yeah.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_04So that's different. Yeah, absolutely different than what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_02So for those not watching, um, Zachary Taylor is has pulled out a bunch of cherries, put them in a bowl, and he's got sweet.
SPEAKER_04And I'm not delicious red cherries. I'm not liking the ratio that I'm anticipating here because it's just a small handful of cherries. I have no idea where he's gonna go with the milk.
SPEAKER_02You know, I don't know if this is crossing your mind at all, but before he pours this in, I'm wondering sink or float. And I'm curious if you have a use.
SPEAKER_04Oh, oh, oh, oh. Uh, uh, uh, uh, well, it depends on how much how much of the milk.
SPEAKER_02No, it's a density thing. Okay, okay. I think sink.
SPEAKER_04I think sink.
SPEAKER_02Okay, we're watching it. It's being we're getting some good foley work. And they appear to still be sunk. Let's see.
SPEAKER_04And what's interesting is the stems aren't off.
SPEAKER_02I think it's a sink situation. Hard to tell where they go. He he put just enough that we can't actually answer the question.
SPEAKER_01I can quite tell if they're floating or sinking in this bowl. Because you know what? I was concerned when I saw the fabric of the couch. What would happen if I either spilled some of the meat or had some of my famous fatal diarrhea? And I didn't want to do that, so I put less than a little bit. Oh, that's very sweet.
SPEAKER_04That's very do you need a spoon? I don't know.
SPEAKER_02No.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_02Now I'm is anybody else curious where the pit's gonna go? I have a feeling it's gonna go right back in there. That's exactly where it went. It went right back into the bowl.
SPEAKER_04Aren't pits full of like cyanide? Are they? You know, that could be a bit of a big thing.
SPEAKER_02That's an apple thing, right? Isn't it like if you eat an apple apple seeds? They either one, grow in your stomach and you have a big apple tree in your stomach, or two, they kill you. Fuck, it's good.
SPEAKER_04I I feel like though, it would make sense to me if this guy's Hork and cherries and milk like that, spitting the pits back in. It's bleaching cyanide into the milk. He drinks it like cereal milk after.
SPEAKER_01That absolutely could be happening. My administration had a treaty with Britain about whether or not we could build a uh canal through Nicaragua. And well, we didn't get around to it, but we passed the treaty, which is one of our my main achievements.
SPEAKER_04But the treaty didn't take effect. You just passed it.
SPEAKER_01Well, it became a moot a bit of a moot point. Because of your death. Yeah. I actually don't know. Um, I don't think so. I think it was because Britain wanted to get involved in Central America, excuse me.
SPEAKER_02Wanted to get involved in Central America.
SPEAKER_01And then we said, no, that's ours. Because oh because you're closer. Just horrible. Horrible for the entirety history of this country. Yeah. Um, so we said no. And then we almost went to war again for the third time.
SPEAKER_04In 16 months?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, in 16 months with Great Britain. Yeah, we've been in our third war.
SPEAKER_04I think it's a good thing.
SPEAKER_02Or because 1812 and revolution. Yep. And this would be number three. Yeah, that's right. Okay. But the treaty helped calm everybody's things.
SPEAKER_01Cool.
SPEAKER_02And to celebrate, you know what I did.
SPEAKER_04Cherry's monk. You could have used a treaty in your stomach to calm things down.
SPEAKER_01Why not just a cherry pie? Why not just a cherry? Or cherry ice cream. Or cherry ice cream. Well, cherry pie, good answer. I don't like the crust. Cherry ice cream, 1850. How are we freezing that?
SPEAKER_04Oh, how are we freezing that is so accurate? You don't get used to it. So accurate.
SPEAKER_01That's why we love this cherry's milk. We'd often put ice cream. This is your cherry ice cream. Oh my gosh, this is my cherry ice cream. And I've tried it in the afterlife. I've tried cherry Garcia and other cherry ice creams, and I'm like, too cold.
SPEAKER_04Too solid.
SPEAKER_02I know that cherry Garcia was a pun.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_02What else is there to know about it?
SPEAKER_04What else is it? What did you think it meant? Cherry Garcia. Well, it's just maybe it's one of the like a Hispanic cherry?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, one of the members of the cherry family of the Garcia family.
SPEAKER_04So it's what, cherry Garcia? Peach Garcia?
SPEAKER_02Apple Garcia.
SPEAKER_04Cool. Um, I have a question.
SPEAKER_01I have an answer, hopefully.
SPEAKER_04What uh function does the milk serve? So, because right now, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you're dripping a lot of the milk. Yeah. I forgot how much of this is an audio medium, and I apologize. But I'm not going to stop because I'm locked in.
SPEAKER_04It's also visual.
SPEAKER_01Yes, it's very visual. What function does the milk have?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it's almost like it's not that.
SPEAKER_01Well, I'm not I don't want to be crass on your podcast, but I'm not poor. I'm not just gonna eat cherries. I'm gonna eat cherries and milk.
SPEAKER_04Oh milk is expensive because it's something you have to consume in theory that day, because there's no refrigeration.
SPEAKER_01In theory.
SPEAKER_04In theory.
SPEAKER_02I don't, of course, but yes.
SPEAKER_04Well, okay. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02Now I noticed you got ours from a cart you the milk you got is from a cart in. Back then, were you going straight from cow, or what is what was the you would take a cherry. Okay.
SPEAKER_01There's a lot of ways to differ to it. Sometimes of course having it in a crystal bowl in the city. It's like having a chef. But the best way to do it is you take a chair. You put the chair in your mouth, and then you lie down on the ground under the cow, and you just take a couple squirts, uh, and then you spit the pit to the side. Okay, and then you go again. It was an hours-long process.
SPEAKER_02It sounds pleasant to some. That's right. Was it a meal where you guys would you each go under one of the nipples and have four of you? Thank you for calling them nipples. They are nipples. Are they not nipples? I mean, they are, they are, but more most people would say otters, but I think I'm saying there would be four of you, one under each individual nipple.
SPEAKER_04Each otter, yeah. Most people would just say otters, right?
SPEAKER_01Yes, each of us would pick an areola of the cow, and then we would just go to the cow. Yeah, exactly. That's when you know it's getting serious.
SPEAKER_02Because otherwise it's an individual effort if it's just one of you. But uh, you know, it sounds like it could be potentially be a family activity here.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02Or even just uh with your council. I was gonna say small council, but cabinet?
SPEAKER_01Cabinet, yes, small council.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's more of a game of thrones, though.
SPEAKER_01It's more of a game of thones.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely. How much do you feel like Game of Thrones uh is fed from real politics?
SPEAKER_01From real politics? Probably a ton. I think that's why he can't finish the book because he has to see how politics ends. Oh, yeah. And it is ending, and it's gone down soon.
SPEAKER_04I I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so there's the other milk part of the trick.
SPEAKER_04That's good.
SPEAKER_01Well that was worse than I thought it would be.
SPEAKER_04You think?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it was.
SPEAKER_04I guess it's kind of like sometimes even when I eat dessert, because is this dessert or is this like a meal?
SPEAKER_01That's a great question. That's a great question. It is a treat and a dessert.
SPEAKER_04So you I've it's like British pudding and desserts though.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. What's your favorite dessert?
SPEAKER_04I love like a big chewy chocolate chip cookie with walnuts and salt on top.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that sounds really good.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, what about you?
SPEAKER_02Mine is a mint Oreo blizzard. Number one. Number one by a mile. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Mint or an ice cream. No offense. Not none taken. I didn't invent it. My favorite is cherries and milk.
SPEAKER_04Of course. Of course. Of course.
SPEAKER_02Now, how many times, because you've been dead for nearly 175 years. Um math. And math. And it's over, actually. Nearly as in either. Around.
SPEAKER_03Two bitchy men talking about math. Good God.
SPEAKER_02How many times do you think you've died of cherries and milk in the afterlife?
SPEAKER_01Oh, how many stars are in the sky? Oh my god. Trillions? Count the grains of sand on the beach. You can't do it. I don't know. Because here, obviously, time means less. Yes. Um, without the progression of anything, we're all frozen in the moment that we are in.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_01Um, so I don't know. Uh but the the darkness keeps coming because I've eaten so many cherries and milk, and then I awake again on that same colorless, featureless beach where we all awake when we pass on, and I'm confused. And then now I kind of get it. I'm like, okay. And then I start the trudge of sins. Yeah. Um, and I get back to my home uh here in the afterworld, and I open up the cooler, and I just get different working.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you dive right back in. It's it's like your destiny. It's like no matter what you change, yeah, you're always supposed to die that way.
SPEAKER_02It's like a uh uh Sisyphus that you are choosing. Yes, Abby. Sisyphus if he's like, fuck, I love pushing this rock.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's like if a Sisyphus loved it. If a Sisyphus was a sub.
SPEAKER_04I think Sisyphus is a total fucking simp for that.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, yeah. I think he would pay. If he wasn't forced to do it, he'd be paid.
SPEAKER_04I think he'd be uh so obsessed with it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, people are like, why are you doing it? He's like, God's making me.
SPEAKER_04And you're like, no, he's fucking not. You like it. Stop being so fucking humiliated by your face. Don't make it roll back down. Yeah, don't make it roll back down. Sisyphus is a pervert.
SPEAKER_01Well, I don't want to king shave him at all. Um, but absolutely because have you been to his mountain?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_01Have you seen him doing it? Rock hard the whole time. A whole way up. The rock is or his BS. And I don't know if that's part of the punishment because that would make it harder, just objectively. I think it's his art.
SPEAKER_04I would have I would hope so. I hate to see a flaccid rock. And they're almost like it happens, and you're like, wouldn't that be lava? They're almost like it's lava. It's it's it's it's totally normal, and I'm like, it's not you, babe. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I know it's not me.
SPEAKER_01You're talking about so much is what's making it.
SPEAKER_04It's just like, I didn't say anything. You're talking about it. Okay. All right. Well, I think this is a good time for a commercial break. Um, I have to actually throw this entire bowl out uh because I can't look at it anymore. So we'll be right back.
SPEAKER_02Look, one of them looks like a little butt. Are you dead and looking for a lawyer? Because me too, but I can't find any. I think they're all in hell. If you can find one, go ahead and call me at 123-1235. I'm dead and I need a lawyer.
SPEAKER_04And we're back. We'll leave. I'm so excited for our next guest.
SPEAKER_02As am I. As a musician myself, as we discussed recently, it's nice to have another one on the couch. Please welcome Selky Johnson.
SPEAKER_00What a dude plus I've Silky.
SPEAKER_04What is up?
SPEAKER_00How we living? Wait. How we're gonna be able to do it. How we dying, how we dying. We're done. We're dying good. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04How are you?
SPEAKER_00Hey man, you know, I'm you know, I'm I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere. You know, when you're when you're in the afterlife, it's you got a lot of time to experience every type of emotion that you possibly can. Whoa.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I and I feel like it's fun to try and explore those different emotions, right?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, are there any that are hitting you right now?
SPEAKER_00You know, I'm just you know, I'm I'm trying not to be upset. I'm trying not to be upset. It's okay to be upset. Big feelings like that. Well, depending on what it is, you know. I just I really thought the world was gonna end. You know? I didn't, I wasn't sure if the world was gonna end, but my goddamn hype man and my goddamn DJ, they said, listen, the Mayan calendar, it's gonna happen. We're where the world is gonna end. And I was like, well, why don't we just wait? And they were like, no, let's just fucking go on a bender and go crazy, and then we'll we'll OD, we'll die, we'll have, we'll be in bliss. The fucking world didn't end. I'm up here, I'm finding people are new people are coming that have been dead, and I'm finding out that the world didn't end.
SPEAKER_02This is like some 2012 shit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I died in 2012. Oh my god. Like two days before December 19th. December 19th was the the big 21st, but I thought the 21st. If we had just waited, 2012.
SPEAKER_021221, 2012. That was a big day.
SPEAKER_04I am so sorry, and I hate to ask this question, but did your hype man and your DJ die?
SPEAKER_00Apparently, they did not. That's bullshit.
SPEAKER_04Is terrible.
SPEAKER_00They survived. Bullshit.
SPEAKER_04If you're doing a mass annihilation, you have the courtesy to also die. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02Selfish. I'm so pissed. Is I I hate to jump to this. Do you think there was any like um Do you think it was purposeful? Whoa. Do you think it was purposeful? You died, they didn't?
SPEAKER_04Oh no. In in 15 years, he hasn't thought about that. Oh no, oh no, oh no.
SPEAKER_02You already said he was upset. He's gonna be really interested.
SPEAKER_03Nearly 15 years old.
SPEAKER_00You think they could have done it on purpose? That's I I don't know.
SPEAKER_04If they're the ones that were it didn't seem like you were all that interested in doing it, right?
SPEAKER_00I was just trying to part, you know, I was the man, I was their breadwinner. They couldn't have done that, you know. What is it that you did on Earth? Well, I was in a I was a rapper. Okay I wasn't I wasn't famous. There was a possibility. Thing is, I was getting some traction. Yeah, you know, I um I had I had a couple meetings with Bad Boy Records. Okay. Yeah. Who's in that one? Uh Diddy. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You've been keeping up with anything?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I just recently found out. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess that kind of worked out my mind. Yeah, that was a good PR. Yeah, of course. I was very excited. Yeah, a big label. Uh, and I'm just upset because you know, I World War Z was about to come out. It had been taking years. I I can't talk. And I introduced I introduced my DJ DJ Dilly and my hype man, Big Man B, to World War Z in our book club.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And they got to go see it. And every time I talk about World War Z, nobody wants to tell me about it. They're always like, uh, you gotta see it. You gotta never seen it, so I can't tell you. I can't tell you.
SPEAKER_02Oh I know Brad Pitt.
SPEAKER_00It's not bad. Are they are they not telling me because it's bad?
SPEAKER_02I what the only thing I've heard about it is that it's not a true uh it's not a good interpretation of the book, is what I've heard.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's a bummer. Yeah, I was so looking forward to that movie.
SPEAKER_04I'm so sorry. I I just can't believe whether they meant to or not, your friends encouraged you to do something you didn't want to do. Yeah, and that, whether or not it's for uh self-annihilation, is bad fresh. That's never cool.
SPEAKER_00That's never cool. I'm upset, yeah, but it's okay. You know, I've been I've been realizing the afterlife, there's a there's a multitude of possibilities.
SPEAKER_04And you know what? I uh not to tell you what to do, but I think I've always been looking for new music in the afterlife. Yeah, yeah. Have you thought have you started any music up here?
unknownI have not.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. We've had a couple guests who have put out new albums. Beethoven put on a new album. Uh uh, there was another one too.
SPEAKER_00Um it's just a little tough when you're not famous, when you're not the famous start famous.
SPEAKER_04This is just like Hollywood. You have to start famous.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. But sometimes you do it for you, though. Sometimes you do art just for you.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, is there any any song you were like almost gonna release and then you died and and you wish it had been released? You can release it here if you want.
SPEAKER_00No, I've actually just been working on I have it's it hasn't been music. I've been working on a little personal pet project.
SPEAKER_02Personal pet project or pest project. Pet project.
SPEAKER_00It's not it's it's it's just a little something. So I'm thinking, right? Okay, but we're in the afterlife. Yeah, we don't have movies here or shows here. We can't see what's being created in the present time. Yeah, we can't watch that.
SPEAKER_04We can only make our own crap.
SPEAKER_00So why don't we get the directors and the writers who are past and have them recreate the stuff that's happening on earth?
SPEAKER_04Recreate a Hollywood, yeah. Recreate the best of it.
SPEAKER_02Recreate the stuff that is happening, not create new stuff, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Recreate the exact what if we had David Lynch make the rest of Game of Thrones? I only saw the first two seasons, they were great, you know?
SPEAKER_02That's a great idea.
SPEAKER_04Oh David Lynch died.
SPEAKER_02Oh no. Well, but oh yes.
SPEAKER_04But oh yes.
SPEAKER_00That's good.
SPEAKER_04Wow, okay.
SPEAKER_00How about a Stanley Kubrick season of Game of Thrones, you know?
SPEAKER_04Everyone could do Game of The Own Thrones.
SPEAKER_02Everybody does their own season of Game of Thrones.
SPEAKER_04Whoa, that could be huge. Orson Wells. Game of Thrones.
SPEAKER_02Game of Thrones.
SPEAKER_00Game of Thrones. Wait. The problem is I'm not famous. So I've been trying to get people together to get this idea, this thought process out there, and maybe like a collective.
SPEAKER_04Tell the you know and Walid and I, to some have a level of fame.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, to a certain extent. But yeah, no, feel free to do that. Maybe we can make moves.
SPEAKER_00Hey man, fuck it. Let's have Sidney Portier play Frodo Baggins, right? Yeah. He's not directing it. He's just playing Frodo in Game of Through. No, I'm talking, I'm talking crazy. We can do anything. Yeah, Danny Kubrick drives Wear the Rings and Sydney Portier and Frodo Baggins.
SPEAKER_02That sounds great. That sounds good. I watched the shit out of Sydney Portier's.
SPEAKER_00It's Frodo? Bro, it's the afterlife. We could do what the fuck we want.
SPEAKER_04We could have every hot person that's ever died be the new like Game of Thrones.
SPEAKER_02Why they gotta be hot?
SPEAKER_04I want everyone I would like a reason to watch Game of Thrones. You never watch Game of Thrones? I've seen the last two episodes.
SPEAKER_00That's a that's crazy. What? I know. Wow. I've heard bad things. You haven't even Oh, you said you only seen the first two seasons. Yeah, they came out 21. And I saw the last two episodes.
SPEAKER_04So together, we've seen about two seasons. Just a hair over two seasons.
SPEAKER_02I I've seen the whole thing and it's it does end poorly. I can take a crack at the last season.
SPEAKER_04Oh, you're you're putting yourself on that list. We said Stanley Kubrick, Sidney Potier. Um me?
SPEAKER_02Why not? Why not? Okay.
SPEAKER_04Why the fuck not? I guess if we're really in a why the feck not territory.
SPEAKER_02I mean, if everybody's taking a shot, I'll take a shot at it.
SPEAKER_04Okay, what would you do to Game of Thrones? What's your directing style? And I want to hear yours too.
SPEAKER_02The directing style or the story?
SPEAKER_04What am I What's the story?
SPEAKER_02What's the story? How's it different?
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, well, first of all, I think Jamie should kill Cersei. See, this means nothing to you.
SPEAKER_04I know it's not landing on me.
SPEAKER_02It's not landing for me either.
SPEAKER_04This isn't landing. I I red light. I'm not interested. Silky, what are you what's your take on Game of Thrones?
SPEAKER_00Game of Thrones, first two seasons great. Uh, I thought it was gonna be the greatest show ever, and then I keep hearing people saying that it was bad and it ended badly, and I'm like, how is that possible? Yeah, how's that even possible?
SPEAKER_02Maybe let's torrent you a copy. I think maybe we could. Is it possible? Maybe we might be able to tell you.
SPEAKER_04It might be possible to get you that and World War Z.
SPEAKER_02Really?
SPEAKER_04I think we could figure it out.
SPEAKER_02Maybe if we find some dead hackers.
SPEAKER_04Could call in if you have access to the MP4s of these things.
SPEAKER_02Who's a dead hacker that we know? Oh, like Wayne Knight from Jurassic Park.
SPEAKER_04Oh, yes. I was like, who's the WikiLeaks guy?
SPEAKER_02Oh, Edward Snowden, he's still like. Or Julian Assange. Those are the same guy, right?
SPEAKER_04I really confuse both of them because they're both white, like uh Scandinavians. Yeah, and if something we'll get you Julian Assange when he dies. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00No, yeah, if somebody could go kill David Fincher, that'd be great. No, Finch. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_04This is an interesting thing we don't talk about in the afterlife. Is sometimes when your favorite artist is still on Earth, and you're kind of like, how do I make them kick the bucket a little sooner so they get up here? You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02A little bit of possession, stabby stabby, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Is the name Silky your birth name? Uh, yeah. My parents, they were jazz musicians. Were they really? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00That's cool.
SPEAKER_02What did they uh singing, instruments, brass? What do they do?
SPEAKER_00Oh, my mother sang and my daddy played the upright bass.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I love the case.
SPEAKER_04Oh my god, and then you're a rapper, you're like a musical family.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, real musical family.
SPEAKER_04Did they support you going into rap as opposed to jazz?
SPEAKER_00Uh, unfortunately, they had passed before uh they my rap career began. Okay, and I haven't really had to confront them about it because they're in hell. They're in hell? Yeah, they are.
SPEAKER_02I thought all jazz musicians go to hell.
SPEAKER_00Oh, they were Jehovah's Witnesses, so yeah, they that stinks.
SPEAKER_04Unfortunately, that stinks.
SPEAKER_02And they go to hell not because of their beliefs, but because they bother people too much, right? Isn't that what it was? Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And they can't even get like a little welcome party down there because they don't like holidays. So you can't do anything to celebrate it.
SPEAKER_02That's right. That's right. Because you are allowed to celebrate your birthday in hell.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_04You're allowed to.
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_04Wow. Okay, so you can't even talk to your parents about your rap career. That well, you can talk to us. You can talk to us.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. You know, it was cool. It was great. I was uh, you know, I was making moves. I saw, you know, I was just out here. Uh see, I got the name, I got the the idea of getting a hype man and a DJ because I felt like like a jazz band. You need multiple parts. Like you most rap careers or rap artists is very front-facing on the one artist. Were these guys friends of yours? They were friends of mine.
SPEAKER_04You were like a DJ B.
SPEAKER_00DJ Dilly and Big Man B. I think that's what you said. That's what I said. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But they they were like childhood friends of yours that came up with.
SPEAKER_00They were friends I had met. They had they were friends I had met along the way, you know. A lot of the way. You know, I was smoking a lot of weed, yeah. I was selling a lot of weed. Yeah. And um, you know, we crossed paths.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And and one was DJ, and I was like, oh man, you know, that's cool. That's cool. And um, we had met we had met outside of uh a wing shop. I was going to get some wings. Yeah. And I was going to get a 12-piece lemon pepper flat. I was literally gonna ask what flavor is. Fried hard.
SPEAKER_04Wait, what's a flat? Sorry.
SPEAKER_00The flat is the drum is like the leg. Okay. And the flat is like the wing. Like, I mean, you know, it's it is the wing, you know, on the two portions of a wing. Yes. There's the drum with the the leg meat, and you know, flat is the water.
SPEAKER_04I literally I'm learning a different culture. Yes, I truly have no idea.
SPEAKER_02There are certain places where you can specify whether you want a flat or a plump uh DJ Dilly, he was DJing at the wing spot.
SPEAKER_00That's incredible. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02The wing spot or the wing spot? At the wing spot. At the wing spot.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. At the wing spot. And um, and I was like, man, these wings. And then you just start kind of like yeah, yeah. It was crazy because he also was the fry cook. He was good with his hands, you know what I'm saying? He was the fry cook and the DJ, you know?
SPEAKER_02Damn. This is Big B. This is this is DJ Dilly. This is DJ Dilly.
SPEAKER_04DJ Dilly sounds so delicious, by the way. Just like a big pickle.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, well, and a dilly is a type of bar.
SPEAKER_04Yes, at Dairy Queen.
SPEAKER_00I guess where you can get a dilly bar. A blister. Funny enough. Bitch. Funny enough, I accidentally hit Big Man B with a car out in a Dairy Queen parking lot.
SPEAKER_02And that's Whoa.
SPEAKER_00Was that funny to him? No, I was just saying, you brought up the.
SPEAKER_02I guess it is funny. Coincidentally. Oh, he was okay. He was okay. He was okay. Now, but he was okay. He was okay enough to start working with you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I I had to there's no animosity to be a good thing.
SPEAKER_00No, there was no animosity because I was like, hey, hey, man, man, I'm sorry. I apologize. Yeah. I'm a little hot. He said, Oh, it's okay. I'm a little hot too.
SPEAKER_02Did he say oh it's okay? Or is he like, oh, it's okay?
SPEAKER_00At first he was like, oh, it's okay. Okay. But then he smelled them 10-piece lemon pepper fried wings hard.
SPEAKER_04And didn't you say 12 piece before? Did you eat two?
unknownDon't tell.
SPEAKER_00I told him I got a 10-piece. And he said, you know what? I'll take the 10-piece. I said, hey man, can we split the 10 piece? Oh. Split the 10 piece. Let's split the 10-piece and a blizzard. Okay. And and and that sounds good. And I know you're astonished by this. But listen. Crap. That sounds good.
SPEAKER_02That sounds so good right now.
SPEAKER_00We are poor potheads at the time. Of course.
SPEAKER_02So this was you know, I there is no amount of money that I could have in my bank account in which five flat lemon pepper chicken wings and half a blizzard sounds.
SPEAKER_04I'm thinking about the vegetarian version. I'm like truly my my tongue getting heavy. Uh huh. Drown a ship right now. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely. I get horny for these wings.
SPEAKER_00And and and we became best friends, you know? Like, how could you not? You know? Wow. That's amazing.
SPEAKER_02How can you not? Okay. Yeah. I just uh that I mean that's great. I'm glad that you guys hit it off so well. I just am so concerned that maybe potentially this start of a relationship is maybe what led to your own death or your own downfall. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Yeah, he's never considered it in his whole life. He's never even considered it one time.
SPEAKER_00I don't like it. Damn, hold on. Oh man. Yeah. Damn, if I had never hit him in that Dairy Queen parking lot, I might have been in the theater on the opening night of World War Z.
SPEAKER_02I mean, it's a weird butterfly fact.
SPEAKER_04Because maybe, but maybe also you wouldn't have even become a rapper without him, you know?
SPEAKER_02That's very true. Right?
SPEAKER_04Like, who's to say? I mean, maybe you stole it, so it's kind of like a probably not happen, actually. Uh, it's crazy. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. But you know, but haven't you come to the afterlife and been like, actually turns out it's better here?
SPEAKER_00It is kind of better. You know, it's crazy because I've been here 15 years. I ain't never thought about this. Because it's crazy here, because you can masturbate as much as you want, you know? I spent years masturbating. I didn't even think about it.
SPEAKER_04And people didn't like that on earth when if you did that?
SPEAKER_00I couldn't do it on earth, not like you can in the afterlife. I'm talking about in the afterlife. The first, I think six years in the afterlife, I spent masturbating. Oh, yeah. That's called gooning. It's called gooning? It's called gooning.
SPEAKER_04Gooning is when you do it a lot. And you like try to get to like and do that, we don't when does it cross the line into gooning? Okay. I listened to a podcast about this.
SPEAKER_02Would love to know because and and we're a podcast that's gonna talk about now. Okay.
SPEAKER_00This is a podcast? What's it?
SPEAKER_04It's a and it's a young.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_04We found out that we're on the internet, and so we're on we're dead at social media. We're dead show. Sorry, now we're dead. Um so gooning, I think, crosses into m masturbating crosses into gooning territory, I think, because of the habitualness. And gooning often involves a lot of screens. You're like multiple screening, quadrants, multiple quadrants, and the the the pornography you're watching is almost like watching like a bunch of vines. Like it's really short snippets, and people spend like eight hours doing that. Eight hours? And I think it's not even necessarily for like to fruition all the time. I think it's like there's a lot of edging stuff involved. It's like a community of people, and and it's you do goon offs where it's like I I think it's called something too. It's like, I dare you to send me something that would make me cut. So I think Gooning is in that universe. This is so I want to know if you've crossed over into Gooning.
SPEAKER_00I I haven't involved other people. But the multiple screens, eight hours. I mean, I did um uh I did masturbate for six years straight. So I guess you might as well just call me I guess King Goon.
SPEAKER_04King Goon. King Goon.
SPEAKER_02King Goon. Who actually is a character in my version of Game of Thrones?
SPEAKER_04King Goon. King Goon.
SPEAKER_02King Goon. I don't want to get into it too much.
SPEAKER_04King Goon honestly actually sounds like uh Krab Rangoon, which also sounds delicious.
SPEAKER_00Maybe it was very I'm thinking of the the dictator of North Korea. Oh, Kim Jong. Kim Jong. Or it sounds Kim Goon Kim Jong Goon. Kim Jong Goon! Yeah, Kim Jong Goon.
SPEAKER_02Alright, we should probably cut some questions.
SPEAKER_04Um, we will be right back. Come on down to the Afterlife Ren Fair. Get painting lessons from Leonardo da Vinci. Yay! Get painting lessons from Michelangelo. Yay! Get painting lessons from Botticelli. Yay! Get your blood. Yay! Only at the Afterlife Renfare. And we're back. We'll lead. As you know, this is my favorite part of the episode.
SPEAKER_02That's right, where we get a chance to not just introduce these characters to you, but also introduce them to each other. So please welcome back to the show, Zachary Taylor and Silky Johnson.
SPEAKER_00Oh shit, Zachary Taylor Thomas in the house. No.
SPEAKER_02We tried.
SPEAKER_04We tried. He's not dead. This is President Zachary Taylor. Oh shit. He was the 12th president of the United States.
SPEAKER_00Do you know all your presidents? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. In order to know, wait, wait. You die while in office, right? Oh yeah. Are you the cherries and cream guy? I'm the cherries and cream guy. Oh man.
SPEAKER_01Cream is generous. It's just milk.
SPEAKER_04It almost sounds better as cream.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it does, but like, no. You need it to be waterier.
SPEAKER_04So this is nice that you know about.
SPEAKER_00I know about him because like I like. Nah, I go to this place called Cookout. It's like a cookout, it's like a little um fast food place in the South. And they're known for their milkshakes.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I love to get the black cherry and chocolate milkshake. Yeah. I would get it every day. And this, and then this dude at the at the at the cookout would call me BZT. And I was like, why are you calling me BZT? He's like, oh, you the black Zachary Taylor. And I said, What? He said, You better stop, you better stop eating these damn cherry and chocolate milkshakes every day. I'm telling you, it's gonna kill you. Did you have any on your bender? Um, did I have you on my bender? Oh, I had a lot.
SPEAKER_04I have to say, if a fast food employee told me what I was ordering would kill me, that would be so scary.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it wouldn't be. But you but you It was a dark time, a dark period of my life.
SPEAKER_04No, I think this is awesome. You both have no fear when it comes to what you want. No, you love cherries and cream, uh, sorry, milk. No, you love this this milkshake and chocolate milkshake, and you both went for it despite the warnings.
SPEAKER_02I and you're saying you had a lot while you were on your bender. Yeah, it would be kind of funny if it was what killed you, if we're being honest. Oh shit.
SPEAKER_04But what killed you, you said was a self-annihilation thing where you guys OD'd.
SPEAKER_00Where I we just did everything we could. Yeah, and I had a lot of black cherry and I had a couple blizzards. You know, I love dairy.
SPEAKER_04That both of these men died from the same thing.
SPEAKER_00My stomach is killing.
SPEAKER_04I I really can't have it be that both of these men died from the same thing.
SPEAKER_02Okay, maybe we should do a segment to distract.
SPEAKER_04I'm gonna be sick to my stomach.
SPEAKER_02Okay, we got these little segments because I'm trying to market the show a little bit better. Um and we can just try one of these, they're very fun little games. You just want to pick a random and give it to me, and I can read it. Here we go. All right, this is called The Guests and the P. And you just need to guess what is under your cushion. There's something hidden under your cushion. Use your ass to figure it out. There's something under there. I did hide something under the cushion.
SPEAKER_04Really get in there because you don't want it to be that there's something really obvious under there and you didn't notice.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and you guys both get to guess, and even Reika, you can throw in a guess if you want.
SPEAKER_04I have to throw it in without having a cushion. Hold on, hold on. And you gotta use the grip strike of your ass.
SPEAKER_00I think I got it.
SPEAKER_02All right, so key. I think it's a stalk of celery. Celery stalk. Okay. Z T. Uh WZ. You think it's a Bible?
SPEAKER_03Okay, it seems like a wish more than what it's actually feels like.
SPEAKER_02All right. Eureka.
SPEAKER_04Um, just feeling briefly. I think I'm gonna go with a notebook.
SPEAKER_02A notebook?
SPEAKER_04What is the Bible? It's not the Bible. If it not I feel like there's writing in it.
SPEAKER_01You guys both think it's books. Do you think a notebook stops being a notebook once you've written it?
SPEAKER_04Then it's a book. When I when I have one. When I'm putting my notes in there, it becomes a bestseller.
SPEAKER_01First draft Rika, that's what they call you.
SPEAKER_02Uh I don't know who to award this to. I think Reka, you might be the closest, but uh Zachary, but per personally for me, I think Zachary might be closest. Do you want to fish around in there and pull the? I'll go ahead and uh lift up the cushion, Silky, and let's see what we got.
SPEAKER_04Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01It's a wedding, which in the context of you being dead is very sad.
SPEAKER_04Oh, it's oh, hey, ZT, not all that sad. Our buddy Walid is cheating on his wife. I'm not cheating on my wife. Does he bring up that he was married and I wasn't on Earth, which is so annoying? He does this literally all the time. Fucking fucking buddies send this to my house or whatever. Also, he's cheating on his wife.
SPEAKER_01Look at the back.
SPEAKER_02Beautiful. So it's it for those uh not watching, it is a uh the photo album for my wife and I's wedding. Uh and I didn't even think about you're cheating on. And I'm not cheating on her. We when we died, our marriage ended, and thus I can now have sex with other people. Disgusting. Yes, everybody agrees with me but you. No, they don't.
SPEAKER_01I appreciate you looking too. We had a daguerreotype taken at Peggy and my wedding. Uh it was most of the wedding. Were there the Dirgatroids or whatever they're called? Daguerreotype.
SPEAKER_02Diguerotypes, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Dirgotroids sounds awesome. Oh my god, that's so delicious right now.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I almost got married. You almost got married. I'm kind of happy I died, actually. Yeah, I was I was engaged to Tila Tequila.
SPEAKER_02Did you win the show or was this pre-show? Pre-reposed.
SPEAKER_00I was I was a PA on the show.
SPEAKER_04And so you were engaged on the show?
SPEAKER_00No, no, no. Well, we had to keep it a secret. Oh we fell in love on set. Is she dead?
SPEAKER_04She's no, she's currently a Nazi.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that's right.
SPEAKER_00So again, that's what I'm saying. I dodged a bullet on the Tila Tequila.
SPEAKER_04You dodged a Diddy bullet, you dodged a Tila Tequila bullet. Yeah. She's dodging a lot of bullets.
SPEAKER_02Maybe I'm I don't want to assume anything. Fucking disgusting. Maybe somebody told me this. I'll just tell it right here. Um, maybe somebody told me this uh out of pocket, but wasn't she not bisexual, and they kind of just did that as a way to market the show better. What are you talking about? Yeah. Because the Tila Tequila show. She had a show. She had a show where it was a dating show, a shot at love with Tila Tequila, and there were both men and women on the show.
SPEAKER_00But I heard Yeah, I don't think she was a real thing. I was really trying for a threesome, and she just it wouldn't be a good thing.
SPEAKER_04You don't think that's just because you didn't want a threesome? No, no.
SPEAKER_00I think she was I think she was faking the funk.
SPEAKER_04I always app bisexuality is be by with me. Be by with me is kind of how you say be straight with me, to be like a little more inclusive.
SPEAKER_01That's good. You just want to be a little more not a lot, because then it turns people off. Were there bisexual people in your mind? Can't tell you something? It's like around 1890, people start being like there's no bisexual. Before 1890, everyone was. Really? You only met like six people in your life. Uh huh.
SPEAKER_04And honestly, I think that's so fair. Like, I think people are lying to themselves when they're like, Oh, I would never date a woman, I would never date a man. I'm like, you don't know anybody. You're probably the fucking loser.
SPEAKER_02So fair. It's similar reasons for like racism and stuff.
SPEAKER_00Uh I tell you, I couldn't, I couldn't be around living in today's time.
SPEAKER_04Really? Wait, it's not so 2012 to 2026.
SPEAKER_00Well, there's the the Instagram, you can go online, you can see a beautiful woman in five minutes.
SPEAKER_02Oh, back to Gooning.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I just it would be too much. It'd be too. I'm only one man. It's overstimulating.
SPEAKER_04ZT, did uh people do a practice? Oh, you're the white Zachary Taylor. Yeah, WZT. Did you we want to be inclusive?
SPEAKER_01Just a little.
SPEAKER_04Just a little. Um, did you have a thing in your time where people would pleasure themselves like all day?
SPEAKER_01Onanism. Organism? Onanism. Onanism.
SPEAKER_04Omenism?
SPEAKER_01Nope. Onanism. Onanism.
SPEAKER_04And is that what's that?
SPEAKER_01It's exactly what you think it is. Uh onanism, of course, it comes from uh, I think a person in the Bible. Uh, and it is a self-pleasure. Uh is that what you're describing? Yeah. Self-pleasure. Yes. Men would do it all the time. Okay. And women were not impossible.
SPEAKER_02Impossible. Just impossible. It's just impossible. It just wasn't possible. Yeah, because it's impossible.
SPEAKER_03It just wouldn't be able to have one.
SPEAKER_00It just impossibles. Damn, I it's it's a it's I'm an onanist. Didn't know that. You're an onanist.
SPEAKER_04O-N-A-N.
SPEAKER_01N-N-I-S-M for onanism.
SPEAKER_04And they're they're calling it, they're calling it onanism and your kids are doing it. And your kids are doing it right now. Um, so they called it onanism. When did it become Goonanism? Goonanism or masturbation.
SPEAKER_02I only heard the term gooning starting last year. True.
SPEAKER_04Gooning has been time. You couldn't goon back then.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00In 2012? You couldn't goon back in ZT time. Oh, no way. You kidding me?
SPEAKER_01Too many things to do.
SPEAKER_02Crops. Crops. Because you had to hunt for food back then. Present. Yeah, yeah. Present in.
SPEAKER_04And you're affected by daylight, I guess? Daylight.
SPEAKER_01Well, we all are.
SPEAKER_04Well, in a way that my- Sure.
SPEAKER_01I had sad, of course. Seasonal effective disorder. We all did because when the sun goes down, you go to bed in 1840.
SPEAKER_02People were just depressed back then and nobody knew what depression was.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that sounds right. Okay, cool. That sounds right to me.
SPEAKER_00I still think people were happier back then. You think so?
SPEAKER_02What's what do you think is a major difference?
SPEAKER_04In which people?
SPEAKER_00Uh I think even mo a lot of people. Okay. I think people weren't overstimulated. I don't think people were overworked. I think people uh they had to find joy where they could and they were appreciative of things.
SPEAKER_04And you don't feel in 2012, like even though you were not in the Instagram Twitter verse that like you and your friends were were truly happy?
SPEAKER_00I think I think we were we were happy maybe about a few years before. I think we're slowly creeping into unhappiness. Unhappiness.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think in 2012, if you put out a delicious bowl of cherries and milk, they would be like, I don't want this. When's the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie coming out? That's what I mean.
SPEAKER_04When's the next post on my phone?
SPEAKER_02In 2012 people were yearning for Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Yeah, probably around the third to the fourth one.
SPEAKER_04What was that for?
SPEAKER_02After the third one.
SPEAKER_01After the third one when they did that fourth one without uh without Johnny J.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that's right, that's right. Right there was mermaids on Stranger Tides.
SPEAKER_04Right. Are they are they like, let's talk about the artist? I don't want to eat cherries and milk.
SPEAKER_02Oh, the artist is good. Artist, yeah, that was right around then. Yeah, you missed the you probably missed the artist. We get them so late up here. Yes, down here, wherever we are.
SPEAKER_04Well, it's tough because you have to torrent, it's like it's really you don't have to be a bad thing. You gotta find a hacker. Gotta find a hacker. Okay, wow. I I'm sensing a bond between you two. I think WZT, you were able to find ways to be happy in your life that were very bad for you, but still made you happy. BZT, or maybe even just ZT. Um we it's clear you weren't able to be happy. Yeah. And and now you don't need social media and all these. Maybe maybe you can take some cues from WZT.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think so. On happiness. I think so. I think I'm just gonna have to find one thing and allow that to make me happy, and let that be the only thing that makes me happy.
SPEAKER_02Is that what you're saying? I wasn't. Sounded like it to me. That's what you were saying, right? That's all I like to do.
SPEAKER_04I think a lot of things in a lot of people, you shouldn't pour everything into one bowl.
SPEAKER_01That's opposite of what you said before.
SPEAKER_00You should pour it into a glass. Yeah, what should you pour into a bowl?
SPEAKER_01A bunch of channels, no, that's not that's five to six cherries and a bunch of milk. Not enough to know if they float or not.
SPEAKER_00It's like a wicked. Wait, wait, wait. Put the cherries in the milk like cereal? Yes.
SPEAKER_01And then you deposit the stems.
SPEAKER_00The first ooh.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we were doing a lot more ewes. Yeah, not. What if you put some cool whip on top? Now, see, cherries and cool whip.
SPEAKER_04Cherries and cool whips sounds awesome. I again ask, what is the purpose of the milk? Because the cool whip is just so it helps it all go down. Can't be true.
SPEAKER_02It thickens it up.
SPEAKER_04Or it just it makes it more uh contentious going down. It's like slipping and sliding. I can't control it. It could lead me to die.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, no, the sheer amount was what led me to die, not the milk. Um, I'm sure I could eat just that many cherries and also die.
SPEAKER_02Do you when you say sheer amount, do you mean that your stomach was so filled that it was coming up to your esophagus?
SPEAKER_01Or do you think your body was just overwhelmed by cherries? I believe that my body rejected it, and after in this afterlife, my soul keeps rejecting the amount of cherry smoke that I'm eating.
SPEAKER_00It must have been a built-up over a time, because once I had like two pounds of cherries and I took a picture of it, and I posted You took a picture of what? The cherries. Two pounds of cherries. And I was like, I'm so hungry, I'm about to eat all these cherries. And everyone was like, do not eat that amount of cherries. Don't eat that amount of cherries. You're about to eat. It's gonna be bad for you if you eat that amount of cherries.
SPEAKER_04Was it the same fast food?
SPEAKER_00Well, apparently, I was gonna shit myself. That's apparently if you eat that many cherries.
SPEAKER_01And you tossed two, three quarts of unpasteurized milk on top of that. Oh baby. You gotta have a great hour and then the worst 14 hours after. Fatal diarrhea.
SPEAKER_04You you truly like you'd like lose 15 pounds.
SPEAKER_02Now, I haven't had to use a bathroom since I've been in the afterlife, but I gotta imagine, are you still having fatal diarrhea?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. In the afterlife, I'm basically as I was when I died. Because we're all stuck in that end as we know. Yeah. Jeez.
SPEAKER_04Well, did did we establish I want to make sure we established a connection between these two. Well, I feel connected.
SPEAKER_02You feel connected? I mean, we're calling them WZT and BZT.
SPEAKER_04Which sounds awesome. And honestly, actually, hold on a second.
SPEAKER_02Are you gonna pitch them as a rap duo?
SPEAKER_04Why are you fucking taking my ideas right out of my mouth?
SPEAKER_02Because it's a bad one.
SPEAKER_01Wow, he said it loud, and I liked that.
SPEAKER_04Because, because, excuse me, BZT is looking. He was scorned by his hype man and his DJ. WZT, we don't know his musical prowess. It could be awesome. What if they were kind of like a little duo?
SPEAKER_00Quick question.
SPEAKER_01Quit. Am I the hype man in this situation?
SPEAKER_00Quit figured out. Hey, hey, quick question. Hey, hey, hey, I got one thing to ask, Mr. WZT. Will you have a 12-piece of wings with me? I got one question for WZT. Will you have a 12-piece wing with me? I'm about to shit myself.
SPEAKER_04Sounds like a hit to me. Well, they say you only live once and then thirsty afterlife. I'm Reka Shunker.
SPEAKER_02And I'm Believe Mansur.
SPEAKER_04And we're dad.