How Do I Help

From time to time, we have people ask us, "How can I help?",

In this episode, we try to answer that from three different perspectives

1. I don't know anybody who has special needs
2. I know someone, but I am not close (geographically or relationally)
3. I know somebody and I see them regularly

Stay tuned for some ideas of how you can make a difference in somebody's life.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to the Hodges Heroes Podcast. My name is Doug. I'm here with my wife Jananne, and our chief qualification to being in this podcast is that for the last almost 20 years, uh, we have been living the life of a special needs parent. So we're hoping that some of what we went through, we can share some of our story because as we went through it, we didn't have a whole lot of people to share their their journey and give us some ideas of what to avoid and what to step into and what to step towards.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

So for today's episode, sometimes we get the question of how can we help? And we're not talking about what we necessarily need. Not about us getting this is not us trying to go get all these, you know, all this help. But Doug, start us off and talk to us what this looks like.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

So as as I've been processing this question, I kind of categorize it, the answer, into three responses. Uh, let's say big response number one is you don't know anybody that has special needs, you don't live around anybody that has special needs, but just something about, you know, going through the last couple episodes, you said, I'd like to help. I'd like to do something. So one of the things I'd encourage you to do is check out some some bigger organizations. Uh, things like Special Olympics. Uh, there's tons of ways to get involved in Special Olympics, whether it be just to show up and be a judge or referee for one day. So we're talking about three hours, one day a year, you're judging a bowling competition or uh, you know, uh you know, you're just a greeter for uh a tournament or something along those lines. Very low level, you know, not a lot of training. You know, you you you show up and you leave and it's it's done and it's over with. But it is huge what what you're able to do at that point.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Some other ways, if you want to be a little bit more involved, you could volunteer to be a coach. I know what's interesting, Doug, is when I was in high school, my best friend and I actually volunteered at a special Olympics competition for track and field. And I actually forgot about it until a few years ago. And you know, sometimes some kids are looking for community service, but you know, some are just wanting to help in their local community. So, like you said, Doug, different levels of Special Olympics because there are seasons. So sometimes at the very end of the season regional tournament or area games, that's you know, very low risk, but it kind of gets your feet wet.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

And that's one organization, Special Olympics. There's others like Center for Autism Related Disorders, uh, in any number of places. Uh, and if you go, hey, I I, you know, I don't want to actually do anything, I just want to write a check, uh, then that's a place where you can go write a check. Uh, but there's, I'd also encourage you if you wanted to take that check writing to a little bit different level, uh, try to find something that's local to you. Uh, you know, a local group home that you might be able to write a check to, or a local adult daycare center that you might be able to write a check to. Uh, keeping that money a little bit more localized to your community where you live, that also might open up the next level of involvement that we're going to be talking about, which is I know somebody, uh, but maybe I'm not close to them.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Whether that's geographically or even relationally. Maybe you kind of are acquaintances with some people, but you don't, you're not all in, you don't know them all that well. Or maybe you're an extended family member and you don't live nearby. How can you help?

SPEAKER_00 3:20

So that's uh that might be a big L, especially if you're just in this journey. I can promise you there is somebody near you that has special needs. Uh, you just might not know about it. And so as you as you get a little bit more connected with what's going on with you locally, uh, sometimes just something really benign, like I know Janan has mentioned before, just writing a card. Uh being able to write a handwritten letter or you know, send a newspaper article or a picture of something that you saw. If it's somebody that you you you kind of know, or you maybe you met them at a particular event. You get there's a picture or a news article about that event, send it to them in the mail.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

Well, and I want to kind of tag team on that, Doug, because it might not be a card directly to the person with special needs. I had someone reach out to me several months ago and say, hey, what would be beneficial? And I was like, you know, you could send a card to Tyler's brother, you know, or you could maybe if you're seeing a family in your neighborhood that you don't know all that well, you know, you might drop off a little basket of goodies. Now, there are many people with special needs who have some allergies and different things. But I think part of it is just kind of building a relationship with people, right? But card writing that takes a little bit of time. But like Doug said, it could be a picture, it could be, hey, I saw you, you know, graduated from high school or a phone call. A phone call or a text or an email.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

And here's the deal is you might know somebody that's nonverbal and you go, well, what's that gonna do? Sending a card, somebody somewhere is gonna read that card to somebody. Uh, somebody, even if it's a phone call that you make and they might not be able to communicate back to you if you have enough of a of a rapport with the family members to say, Hey, I I'd like to just you know share a story that I heard, or I want to read a book that I found today. Um those types of things, even if you're living far away, it it's anything to to create some measure of engagement. Uh it can be quite lonely in a special needs world because you know it it takes some effort and time in which to be able to engage with somebody that has some measure of special needs because you got to learn what those needs are. Uh, but uh if you if you're not uh physically close, you're not geographically close, you're not you know, uh relationally close, you can send a card. You know, you can you can send it even if you want to go to the next level, send a five-dollar gift card to McDonald's or Chick-fil-A or something along those lines that could just kind of show, hey, I'm I'm thinking about you. Or if you, you know, in our world, the McDonald's toy is king, you know. If you want to just get a McDonald's toy and send it, you know, like that's that you talk about making somebody's day.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

Well, and that has happened more times than once. I mean, listen, we've we've tried to complete sets because that's how Tyler's mind works, right? And I've reached out on social media before, and you know, and people have mailed us things, or I still have people that text me, like, hey, did he ever get this series from back then? And I was like, absolutely, you know, so I do think sometimes it's it's just something little. And I think the fact that we get, you know, everybody gets bills and everybody gets, you know, things that they owe, but to get just a handwritten card in general, to me, it's just encouraging, right? Hey, hang in there. We know it's tough, but we're we're we're we're on this road with you in some capacity.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

And it brings us to the next level. Let's say you are you're closer to somebody, you know, whether it be somebody in your neighborhood, somebody you go to church with, somebody in your family, what can you do to help? Well, in that case, one of the first things I'd tell you to do is talk to whoever their guardian or caregiver is. Uh, they're gonna give you the best insight as to whether or not what's gonna be helpful and what's gonna be terrifying. Uh, you know, you might think, you know, showing up and giving somebody a high five is a great thing to do. That might freak them out. They won't ever come near where you are. Uh, but but having that conversation of what's helpful, what's not helpful, take the take the lead from their caregiver and then be consistent with it. If it's I show up and I give you a high five, every time you see the person, give them a high five. You know, if it's uh I'm gonna, you know, and maybe you get to the point where you get trusted enough to say, you know, hey, we're we're gonna go to a movie, you know, or we're gonna go hang out at Starbucks, or I'm gonna go pick you up and we'll go through a drive-thru somewhere together. You know, whatever your comfort level is, whatever their guardian's comfort level is. Not everybody can handle that level of engagement or activity. Some can and some can't. But the more you can just treat somebody like a real person, have a conversation with them. Make it okay for them to not be okay. You know, if it takes them a while to get the words out, don't rush them, don't complete the sentences for them. Just say, you know, tell me more, you know, and get the opportunity to help them be able to actually share some of their experience in life. Uh anything else, Janet? What happened?

SPEAKER_01 8:03

It stopped recording. So I need you to keep going and end it, so then we can cut to you like it stopped.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

So that's so you just end it.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

You know, we we have uh we we've written at least one book related to this on you know, already autism, some things related to um how can you help someone that's, you know, how do you get to know somebody that's dealing with some of the stuff. I've actually written another book, call it this is the author's proof of it, of you know, is it is it autism, it is ADHD, is it adolescence, or is it just me? And some of that kind of describes that journey of a caregiver. And I kind of write it to, especially for those who are caregivers, but maybe you're not. Uh honestly, some of those books that I have written have birthed out of trying to help family members understand better about what's going on with our kid. And so if that's something that you can kind of read and help you ask questions a little bit differently to somebody you're trying to understand better, then I encourage you to take the time to uh find that on Amazon, audiobooks, or wherever you go. All right, thanks so much, and we will see you next episode.