Episode 13: You’re Not Anxious, You’re Avoiding - When Anxiety Is Really an Unmade Decision

Understanding the difference between anxiety, avoidance, and how we interpret discomfort in our day-to-day lives.

Anxiety can be blurred line, where what feels like overwhelm is actually the tension of something we’ve been avoiding. In this episode, we unpack how anxiety doesn’t always come from uncertainty, but can show up when we already know what needs to happen and aren’t ready to face it yet.

We talk about how “overthinking” can become a loop when clarity is already there, how avoiding difficult conversations or decisions creates internal tension, and why that tension often gets mislabeled as anxiety.

We also zoom out and look at the bigger picture, how anxiety isn’t always isolated. It can overlap with other mental health experiences, and understanding the difference matters. Not all anxiety comes from avoidance, but when it does, recognizing it can change how you respond to it.

We unpack the belief that anxiety always means confusion, and how sometimes it’s actually signaling something much more direct.

We also get clear about what’s underneath the cycle:

🔑 The difference between anxiety and avoidance

🧠 How there can be overlap with anxiety and other illnesses or disorders, and why it matters to understand if what you’re experiencing is isolated anxiety

💔 How avoiding creates internal tension, and how that’s different from procrastination

🚩 How societal norms shape how anxiety is identified, labeled, and responded to

We share how this dynamic shows up in real life, in relationships, in decision-making, and in the moments where we delay saying what we know needs to be said. Not just from personal experience, but in the patterns we see play out over and over again.

Sometimes anxiety isn’t confusion.

Sometimes it’s clarity we’re trying to outrun.

Let’s unpack it.

Transcript

Episode 13: You’re Not Anxious, You’re Avoiding - When Anxiety Is Really an Unmade Decision

Description: In this episode, Vicky and Lauren unpack the real difference between anxiety, panic, and avoidance—and why what we label as “anxiety” is often something deeper. They explore how perceived threats, unresolved decisions, and emotional avoidance keep people stuck in cycles of stress and overwhelm. Through personal experiences, mental health insights, and honest conversation, they break down how anxiety shows up in the body, how it’s often misdiagnosed, and what it actually takes to move through it.

Timestamps & Topics

[00:00] Intro: Plathville, Reality TV Chaos & Cult-Like Upbringings
[04:30] Transition: From Reality TV to Mental Health
[05:52] What Anxiety Actually Feels Like (Real-Life Definition)
[08:40] Perceived Threat vs. Real Threat (Why Your Brain Can’t Tell the Difference)
[12:15] Anxiety vs. Healthy Stress
[15:30] Physical & Emotional Symptoms of Anxiety
[20:10] Panic Attacks vs. Panic Disorder
[25:45] Misdiagnosis: When Anxiety Is Actually Something Else
[30:20] Medication, Therapy & Finding the Right Support
[34:50] Anxiety as a Mask (Depression, ADHD, PTSD)
[36:55] The Shift: Anxiety → Avoidance
[38:10] What Avoidance Actually Is (Cleveland Clinic Definition)
[40:30] Avoidance vs. Procrastination
[42:50] Social Anxiety vs. Avoidant Personality Disorder
[46:15] How Anxiety Shows Up in Behavior (Irritability, Anger, Control)
[49:20] Nervous System Responses & Coping Mechanisms
[52:10] Service Animals, Regulation & Real-Life Tools
[54:30] Final Thoughts + Self-Awareness & Taking Action

Transcript

[00:00] Intro: Plathville, Reality TV Chaos & Cult-Like Upbringings

Vicky Machtinger:
I’m so excited because Plathville is coming back and I need answers.

Lauren Petraglia:
It literally just showed up out of nowhere on my TikTok. Like… my algorithm knows me better than I know me.

Vicky Machtinger:
It’s so fascinating though—it’s like watching people raised in a controlled environment get released into the real world.

Lauren Petraglia:
And then no one addresses the aftermath. Like… the mental health piece is just ignored.

[04:30] Transition: From Reality TV to Mental Health

Lauren Petraglia:
Which actually brings us into what we’re talking about today.

Vicky Machtinger:
Yeah—what happens when people are raised in certain environments… and how that shows up mentally later.

[05:52] What Anxiety Actually Feels Like (Real-Life Definition)

Vicky Machtinger:
For me, anxiety feels like overwhelm to the point of debilitation.

Lauren Petraglia:
Like things that should be simple suddenly feel impossible.

Vicky Machtinger:
Exactly—and a lot of that comes from perceived threat.

[08:40] Perceived Threat vs. Real Threat

Lauren Petraglia:
Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a lion chasing you and an email.

Vicky Machtinger:
So you’re reacting the same way to both.

Lauren Petraglia:
Deadlines, texts, social situations—it all triggers that same response.

[12:15] Anxiety vs. Healthy Stress

Vicky Machtinger:
There’s a difference between stress and anxiety.

Lauren Petraglia:
One deadline? Healthy stress.

Vicky Machtinger:
Ten missed deadlines because you’re overwhelmed? That’s anxiety.

[15:30] Physical & Emotional Symptoms of Anxiety

Lauren Petraglia:
Anxiety shows up physically too—hives, migraines, nausea.

Vicky Machtinger:
I was getting hives for months. Like my body literally couldn’t regulate.

Lauren Petraglia:
And for me, it was panic attacks—heart racing, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

[20:10] Panic Attacks vs. Panic Disorder

Vicky Machtinger:
Panic attacks feel very localized—like hitting a nerve.

Lauren Petraglia:
Where panic disorder is more overarching—it’s part of your everyday experience.

[25:45] Misdiagnosis: When Anxiety Is Actually Something Else

Lauren Petraglia:
I was originally diagnosed with generalized anxiety.

Vicky Machtinger:
Same—but that wasn’t the full picture.

Lauren Petraglia:
It turned out to also be depression and ADHD.

[30:20] Medication, Therapy & Finding the Right Support

Vicky Machtinger:
The right treatment matters—because the wrong one won’t help.

Lauren Petraglia:
And if something feels off… it probably is.

[34:50] Anxiety as a Mask

Lauren Petraglia:
Anxiety can mask bigger things—depression, PTSD, stress.

Vicky Machtinger:
It’s like a cover-up for what’s really going on underneath.

[36:55] The Shift: Anxiety → Avoidance

Lauren Petraglia:
And this is where it gets interesting—because anxiety often leads to avoidance.

Vicky Machtinger:
And avoidance is what keeps the cycle going.

[38:10] What Avoidance Actually Is

Lauren Petraglia:
Avoidance is managing emotional discomfort by escaping it.

Vicky Machtinger:
It’s a coping mechanism—but not a helpful one long-term.

[40:30] Avoidance vs. Procrastination

Lauren Petraglia:
Procrastination is conscious—you know you’re putting something off.

Vicky Machtinger:
Avoidance is deeper—it’s tied to fear, inadequacy, or emotional discomfort.

[42:50] Social Anxiety vs. Avoidant Personality Disorder

Lauren Petraglia:
Social anxiety is fear of judgment.

Vicky Machtinger:
Avoidant personality disorder is more about feeling inadequate.

Lauren Petraglia:
One is external, one is internal.

[46:15] How Anxiety Shows Up in Behavior

Lauren Petraglia:
Anxiety doesn’t always look like fear—it can look like anger.

Vicky Machtinger:
Irritability, control, even aggression.

Lauren Petraglia:
Especially when people don’t understand what they’re feeling.

[49:20] Nervous System Responses & Coping Mechanisms

Vicky Machtinger:
Your body is constantly asking—am I safe?

Lauren Petraglia:
Avoidance answers “yes” temporarily—but reinforces the fear long-term.

[52:10] Service Animals, Regulation & Real-Life Tools

Lauren Petraglia:
We joke, but emotional support animals can actually help regulate.

Vicky Machtinger:
Find what grounds you—whether that’s therapy, tools, or support systems.

[54:30] Final Thoughts + Self-Awareness & Taking Action

Lauren Petraglia:
If this resonated—ask yourself what you might be avoiding.

Vicky Machtinger:
Because it might not be anxiety.

Lauren Petraglia:
It might be a decision you haven’t made yet.

[56:00] Resources and Where to Follow

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