The Preferred List: A Wedding Vendor Podcast

Episode 3 Control the Controllables: Bethany Cowher Events

• James • Season 1 • Episode 3

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Some wedding days look effortless because someone else is quietly carrying the stress. We sat with planner Bethany Cower at Harmony Forge Inn to map the moves that keep families in the moment, timelines tight, and budgets honest—without losing the magic that makes your day yours. From the early days of helping friends to leading a small team, Bethany shares how a planner shields couples from last-minute chaos, wrangles vendors into one clean timeline, and solves the problems no one should bring to the bride.

We dig into the difference between a venue coordinator and a wedding planner—one protects the property, the other protects your peace. Bethany brings real stories: the missing bouquet rebuilt from centerpieces, the pocket square “found” as a cocktail napkin, the groomsmen saved from sunburn before the ceremony. We talk smart budgeting (guest count is the biggest lever), how to pick vendors you’ll still love in ten years, and why styled shoots aren’t the same as real weddings. For photographers and videographers, she suggests a simple test: book an engagement session and judge the fit, not just the feed.

We also weigh first looks, private vows, and reception flow so you can actually enjoy cocktail hour and spend more time on the dance floor. If you want timeless photos, real laughter on film, and parents in your getting-ready shots instead of setting candles, this conversation will help you plan with confidence. Ask more questions than you think you should, control the controllables, and let the rest go.

If this helped you breathe a little easier, follow the show, share with a friend who’s planning, and leave a quick review—what’s the one decision you still feel stuck on?

Check Bethany out here:

https://tinyurl.com/bethanycowhereventsig
https://tinyurl.com/bethanycowhereventsweddingwire
https://tinyurl.com/bethanycowhereventstheknot

SPEAKER_03:

Welcome to the Preferred List, a podcast about the people behind the best wedding days. I'm James, a wedding filmmaker. I've spent years in the industry working alongside incredible vendors, and this show is all about real conversations with the ones who make it happen. Whether you're a vendor or a couple, you'll get honest insight, good stories, and maybe a little inspiration along the way. Let's meet today's wedding vendor. Hey Bethany, how's it going?

SPEAKER_02:

Good, how are you?

SPEAKER_03:

Good. I'm so glad to have you on. Bethany is a part of Bethany Cower Events. So she's a wedding event planner. Love it. So fun. And I'm so excited to hear all of the things, all of your experience, and helpful things for vendors, helpful things for couples. But before we jump into that, we are here at Harmony Forge Inn, which is so exciting. Harmony Forge Inn is nestled into the Rolling Hills of Belfont. It's just 15 minutes away from Penn State. And it features a historic house built in 1795, a newly remodeled Creekside Lodge, and a rustic barn with some modern touches. And if you haven't met the owners here, Bill, Casey, amazing, amazing people. And they really do care way more than just like here's a spot for you to have a party and get married. They care about you, the couple. So if you're looking for a venue outside of State College, Pennsylvania, just to be clear, definitely check out Harmony Forge. Um, but we're here today with Bethany. How's it going?

SPEAKER_02:

It's great. Yeah. No, you really aren't lying. Like, they are the sweetest people. This is a really, really special place. I'm not just saying that because I've had a plethora of weddings here. I love coming here. It I would say like top three favorite weddings I've ever done. Two of them have been here.

SPEAKER_03:

That's awesome. I love it here. Yeah. Yeah. It's so fun. And they're making changes all the time, improvements all the time.

SPEAKER_02:

I was here a week ago. And I literally show up and was like, Casey. What's going on? What are the pink flowers outside? Yeah, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, so you have an event planning business. Um, I'm so excited to dive into all things planning. I feel like planners have this like really special like spot in the industry. You guys like are you have your fingers on like a lot of different places and like you just you have so much like input from different vendors too. So I'm excited to get into that. But before we do, at one point you weren't a planner and now you are a planner. Yeah. Walk me through like how all of this started with Bethany Cower events.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Um, so when I found out I was doing this podcast, I was like, wait, how long has it been? I actually had to like go into my Instagram feed. That's awesome. I was like, when was my first post? Um, so I got married when I was 21 um in 2016. And I just ended up, friends were like, Oh, hey, you got married, you've planned a wedding. Like, can you help me? And I was like, Yeah, of course. So the years kind of went on, and then I would like friends would say, like, hey, do you want to go do this? Do you want to have a fun girls' weekend, something like that? And I'd be like, oh, sorry, I have a wedding. They'd be like, Oh, who's wedding? Like, why weren't we invited? I'm like, Oh, it's so-and-so's wedding. They're like, Who is that? I'm like, honestly, I don't even know. And they're like, Bethany, are you planning weddings for like other like acquaintances, like our friends, friends' friends? And I was like, I mean, they asked, and they're like, maybe you should do something with this. And I was like, Well, I guess you could be right. Yeah. So um, I started Bethany Cower events in 2018. We've come a long way. We went through COVID. That was wild. Um, I do have a couple planners that work alongside with me. Um, there's two of them specifically who have been on board for, oh my gosh, three-fourths, like 75% of the Bethany Cower events lifetime. Um, and we're bringing on a couple more. So that's awesome.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. It's funny to hear how many we started in 2018 as well. It's just funny to hear like how many businesses started in that like 2016, 2018, like somewhere in there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um I think well, we were so whenever I mean, because we're about the same age, I think, right? Um, and whenever social media was like just kind of starting, we were like, oh, we can make a business out of this. Like, this is how I can market myself. Like, I'm good at something. Let me market it to all my other friends who are friends with friends, and then it just becomes these side hustles that turn into something much bigger. We're like, oops, did we did that?

SPEAKER_03:

It is funny, it is funny because I feel like there's people that just have that mindset, like, oh, let me just try this. Or it's like, oh, this is going well. And then your friends are like, No, you're like crushing this. You should definitely just like go all in. Yeah. Um, so you had your own wedding. Were you like planning a bunch of stuff, doing kind of like the wedding planner stuff for your own wedding?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Um, I didn't have a wedding planner per se. And honestly, I didn't really even consider, you know, hiring a wedding planner. I just kind of thought, like, oh, and that's what's crazy is like everybody who's getting married is normally getting married for the first time. So no one knows what they're doing. Like, we can't expect you to plan a wedding and have any idea of what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00:

For sure.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, so I just like ran with it and I thought I did was doing everything I was supposed to be doing. I relied a little bit on the person who was running the venue. Um, but other than that, I just had to kind of like figure it out. Yeah. So that's why I got married younger. People were like, oh, you've already had a wedding. Like, I can ask you questions. So that's just how it happens.

SPEAKER_03:

It's so funny. It's so funny. And it and you can probably look back and see, like, if I would have had a planner, oh my gosh, a lot of stuff would have been different. Oh, uh not that you didn't have a good day, sure, but just like the stress level. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

It was already organized because I am an organized person, of course. Like as being a planner, you probably should be. Yeah. You're very disorganized. Like, maybe revisit your planner.

SPEAKER_03:

That's why I'm not a planner.

SPEAKER_02:

Like, surprise. That's why I did this instead. Um, but hindsight, oh my gosh, I would have given that person a list of things that they could have done so that I would have like had my mom with me, or like I have a twin sister. Like, I would have loved to have my sister with me um more and like my dad with me more, but they were running around because they wanted to make sure the day was perfect for me. But in reality, like I just wanted them to hang out with me.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. So it is a weird that that's a weird in-between of like you want to experience the day. And the more and more I do this, the more I'm like, it's just the people. Like the people are so important.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And it's like, how can we help our couples be in the moment more? And like you said, like maybe mom, dad, sister, they're just hanging out, they're just there instead of like doing a task.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. And actually, a large portion of my clients are actually parents that come to me and they're like, I already had a son or daughter get married. I can't do that. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And you know, I specifically think of this one mom who she called me and was like, My first daughter got married, and I wasn't there when she put her dress on. There's no pictures of us getting ready together. She's like, I wasn't there before she went down the aisle. And she was just busy doing other things, like making sure the florist arrived, setting up the candles for the reception. And she got really, I could hear her voice crack like over the phone. And she's like, I don't have a single picture with just me and my daughter on her wedding day. And I was like, I'm really sorry. Because hindsight, of course, I'm so sorry for her, but like no one can change that. Like, yeah, her daughter can't put her dress on again and be like, okay, mom, let's take a picture. So yeah, that's a lot of why I love being a wedding planner because I can be like, everybody who's important, just stay here, hang out, like be in the moment. This day goes so dang fast. Yeah, let me do that stuff. Let my team handle all of that. Put us some work.

SPEAKER_03:

It's not me, it's my team.

SPEAKER_02:

No, yeah. And then I get on the walkie-talkie. I'm like, can you guys hear that?

SPEAKER_03:

Did you hear that?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, no, I love that. It there was like some early weddings for you. What were those like when you were kind of like, maybe even the ones where you were kind of doing a business, but not really like in the business. But like, sure, what did those first couple weddings look like for you?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, it's funny because I guess I would say I'm again very organized, but I felt like I needed to be there for everything. Like I would we do um the rehearsal the day before. Okay. So I was there for all of that. I would be there, like if they were setting up things, I'd help set up. Like, and then the next day, um, if the girls were getting up at seven in the morning, be like, okay, I'll be there at 7:30. And then and then I would literally be like the one there at 11 o'clock, like breaking down. And by the end of the day, I'd have like 30,000 steps. And I remember very early in the wedding planning career that we've had, um, I just felt like I needed to be there the whole time. And I'm like, okay, now that I trust myself a lot more, I trust the girls. Um, we have we're so organized, but we also help the rest of the bridal party and the parents, and like they get our timelines. We print them for them. We're like, you can do this. We'll be here at 11. You know, um, we will normally leave at this time. So I think at the beginning of the process, I just like couldn't pull myself away. Now it's like, I'm your wedding planner, I'm going to be there for you, but I'm not gonna be there at 7:30 when you wake up.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, definitely don't need to be there when they're having breakfast.

SPEAKER_02:

No, literally, it was 70 makeup artists wouldn't even be there. Yeah, I'm like, I have to make sure they arrive. And hello. I'm like, it's it's me.

SPEAKER_03:

No, um, I it's just so funny what we did. I mean, planning videography, like those first couple weddings. I looked back and I'm like, oh man, what were you doing?

SPEAKER_02:

No, I like when I scroll back into my Instagram feed, I look back at like the gosh awful filters I used on those photos and bucketing.

SPEAKER_03:

What were you what were you thinking?

SPEAKER_02:

What were you thinking?

SPEAKER_03:

Um I'm I'm curious what you like, what do you love most about planning weddings?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my goodness. Um, I you know, we could just do a whole other episode of why I love this. I like I mentioned, I like being able to let the family and the friends like be truly with the bride and the groom. And I mean, this isn't my full-time job, but I can't get away from this because I genuinely love like being able to give someone the absolute best wedding day. This day is so dang important. It's gonna be like top two days of your life. Maybe like maybe having a kid is the top day, or like um, but just being able to genuinely have things organized, make sure I divert any problems during the day. That at the end of the day, the couple looks at you and was like, this day was literally perfect. In the back of my mind, I was like, put out like six fires. Literally, it was dumpster fire earlier. It's all put out, smoldering at this point, but you had a great day.

SPEAKER_03:

It was fantastic, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_02:

No, I'm like, God, perfect. Not a thing went wrong. That's so wrong. That's but they don't need to know that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So yeah, it's it is funny um how much can go wrong. And if you're the person that's in charge of fixing it, which oftentimes, if you don't have some sort of planner, they have coordinator, people are gonna see problems and come to the bride and say, Hey, what do you want to do? Um sounds like what you're saying is like you're the the in the middle of that and like deflecting from that question, getting to the bride. Just so that they don't need to worry about it.

SPEAKER_02:

That's part of our process too, is whenever we meet with a couple, we're like uh for the groom and for the bride, because he's equally as important, you know. We're like, who is your point of contact? Is it your maid of honor? Is it your best man? Like, who are we going to use day of and even week of to be like, hey, we need these decisions to be made, or you know, this was an issue. Would they like option A or B so that you're not making more decisions that week of the wedding, or even on your wedding day, you have no idea. We really kind of like use and abuse the maid of honor and the best man.

SPEAKER_03:

So, yeah, because there probably are some things that maybe you'd want to check to see, like, hey, do you want to do this or do you want to do that? But it's getting through a filter first.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, can you explain to me and and maybe the people listening or watching, like, what are all of the different planning related things that you actually offer? Because there's kind of some different categories. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. So um, the beauty of wedding planning is that you can go like you can have a wedding planner who literally is just helping you plan, like, and that is that, or you can have a wedding planner that does everything for you. You shop and get married.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, and in the state college area here, we have so many awesome wedding planners, but we all have our niche. And like, you know, there's one that I'm thinking of, she is designed, like, oh my gosh, her wedding's gorgeous. But there's brides that go to her and they're like, I want to show up. And she's like, say less. And then there's another wedding planner I'm thinking of, and she has a whole team with her. So it's like they'll run errands, they'll pick up things for you that week. Um, she's got she's got people everywhere. And just when you think that she doesn't have more people, someone shows up. Someone else shows up. So um, but specifically like for Bethany Cower events, we are mostly part of just the planning process and then day and week of. So we don't have like a day of coordinating package. Um, we have it's about three weeks before is our lowest package, we could just call it. Um, because we can't jump on with you the Monday before your wedding and help you do anything. We really need to have our hands.

SPEAKER_03:

Can you explain like why? Because if a bride's like, but why can't you?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Like, what is it that's like, uh, that's not gonna work?

SPEAKER_02:

Sure. So a lot of the times by that Monday, all of your vendors, everything's already set. Like the florals are already bought. You know, they've already purchased those flowers in bulk, and they might even be partially made for you at that point. So we can't change anything there. Catering, we're not changing catering numbers there. Um, we can't really help you with anything with the DJ. There's nothing we can help you with the timeline. Like, if people rental-wise, if you need rentals, have some hookups. But there's a really slim chance that I can get you a tent for a rain. If it's raining, you know, like if we need to get a tent for your ceremony, I can't get that on a Monday and have it for you Saturday.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, there just needs to be more communication to make the day much smoother. And also, like when I'm signing on with you, I'm ready to put my name on your wedding with you. Um, that I helped you with this. And I want to make sure that it's like genuinely the smoothest, most planned out day. I can't do that the Monday before.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Yeah. I know some couples are listening and they're probably like, oh, it is hectic that week. Like I'm meeting with the bride tomorrow for Friday. But it just it got down to the wire. And, you know, sometimes that happens, but what's that three-week process? Like, how is that different from that like Monday before it's not going to work? What's that three-week process look like?

SPEAKER_02:

So about a month or three weeks before. It just kind of depends on their schedules. Um, we jump on and we have a pretty long phone call, but it goes through everything. We talk about all your vendors, what they're bringing, what we need to make sure you have for them. Um, it talks about like timelines. What does it look like? Not just for the day of the wedding, but also what it looks like that the rehearsal too. Um, as you know, like a lot of venues are kind of going to like, we're doing a Friday wedding and a Saturday wedding. So it's like, if you want, yeah, no rehearsals.

SPEAKER_03:

And I was like, Well, no rehearsals at the venue.

SPEAKER_02:

Sure, right. Or you could do a Thursday rehearsal, and I'm like, okay, well, that's kind of cool.

SPEAKER_03:

It's kind of why I like the Harmony Forge. Get the whole weekend, you know. Whole weekend. Another little ad spot there.

SPEAKER_02:

I know, right? Sliding that.

SPEAKER_03:

We had that at our venue.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And it just like we could set up stuff Friday. We did a lot of DIY stuff. Sure. So if you know, you can do that. Yeah. But um the weekend thing, it just it's so nice.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah. And also like Friday, getting all of that done and over with, it just is like, ah, okay.

SPEAKER_03:

So so Friday is most likely if it's a Saturday wedding, Friday's gonna be your like rehearsal setup time.

SPEAKER_02:

And then um, so we just go through like timelines, we make sure that, but also within that three weeks, we're reaching out to vendors. We're like, hey, I want to follow up with you. The final guest count is X, Y, and Z, like caterer, we only need this much food. That'll save you money. Like, we'll go to the rental company and be like, hey, we don't need 250 chairs, we need 235.

SPEAKER_03:

And they're gonna bring 250 unless you say otherwise.

SPEAKER_02:

Unless you follow up with them. Like, we don't need 300 chargers, we need 250. So, like, we're knocking down the numbers to what it actually is so that we're not wasting any money. Sometimes that's getting rid of an entire table, which sounds crazy, but that's normally your 60-inch round. You don't need a linen, you don't need a centerpiece, you don't need all of that china, um, can save you a decent amount of money. So within those three weeks, we're also reaching out to vendors, like videographers, photographers, and we say, hey, this is a tentative timeline, but I need to know if this is okay. And sometimes we adjust, we make some tweaks. If the photographers like actually had like some more time here or less time here, we can make those adjustments. And then once we get the okay from all the vendors, then we can send it out.

SPEAKER_03:

I will say, timeline-wise, it is nice when there is one person at the top. Even if the photographer, uh, and we can talk about this in a second, even if if the photographer is kind of giving you something, a framework or something that they would want in a timeline, but like if you're the point person, we all end up with one timeline. And that three-week month out process, it's not on you then to go and make all these connections and try to make sure that everyone has the same timeline. Yeah. For us as videographers, I'm we're just like, hey, photographer, can I have your timeline? Yeah, exactly. I don't need to make another, like, why would I make another one? Right. If we see that everything is gonna fit, yeah, like that's good to go.

SPEAKER_02:

And sometimes, like, and brides and grooms, they book out these vendors a year plus in advance. Like, I've had a 2027 wedding inquiry, I don't know what I'm doing this weekend.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so I barely know what I'm doing tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02:

No, literally, like, what am I eating for dinner tonight? Couldn't tell you. Couldn't tell you. No idea. So for us, like these vendors have been booked a year and a half, maybe in advance. And what used to be their contact information might have changed. So if I try to contact them the Monday before your wedding, and I'm like, hey, this is the timeline. Yeah, and it's like crickets. I'm like, okay, is this guy coming?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, do I need a back? Guys, you need to know.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and I don't have a lot of time to be like, then I'm sliding into an Instagram DM and I'm like, hoping that they don't sue this, but like, are you still who you say you are? Okay, like, and then so it just it's a lot to coordinate the week of your wedding while the bride and the groom were already wildly overwhelmed. Yeah, and we do have other packages too. Like we have one that's six months, and we just had a bride and groom from Nashville get married here in State College because they met at Penn State and their families were here.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, cool.

SPEAKER_02:

So we had them do the six-month package because we were literally like going to meetings for them. We were visiting the venue for them, we were picking things and we were just having constant communication. So um, I will say we have a larger package, which is we essentially plan the whole day for you. Not a lot of people want that though. A lot of people do have a vision for what they want their wedding day to look like. So they don't always say like you need this package, um, unless you just want to show up.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. So how do you um if a couple doesn't know what they want, sure, and you're just doing that like initial call maybe with them, yeah. How do you help them figure out like, hey, a one month out thing is gonna work for you, a six-month thing is gonna work for you, or like, no, you should definitely just like let us take care of the whole thing?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, a lot of times couples come to us and they're like, they come in like three different baskets. The one is I absolutely don't know anything. I don't know that I care to know anything.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, I don't care what it looks like. And I I'm thinking of a specific bride group that I had recently. And she literally is like, could you just make my wedding like the parent trap and I'll show up? And I was like, Okay, so you would like the largest package, okay? Like we we can work with this. Sure, that's okay. Um, still a really fun wedding. We love doing that too. But then we also have couples that come to us and they're like, Hey, we got engaged a month or so ago. We already have five of our vendors picked out. I'm like, you don't need us. I'm like, you do need us a month before your wedding. But if you are not right now. Yeah, not right now. Um, and if you already have all these vendors picked out, you know what you want, you know what it to look like. Like, I'm more than happy to help you a month before. Also, when you sign on with us, it's not like you can't, you know, text, call, email, and be like, hey, just checking in. Well, how do you feel about this versus this? Like, we don't ghost you until the month before your wedding. Like you have unlimited access to us.

SPEAKER_01:

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, but then there are also couples who come to us and they're like, I don't know what vendors I want. I don't know what I want it to look like. I don't even know where I want it to be. And I'm like, but they still want to be involved pretty heavily. Those are the ones like, okay, six months might be good for us. So or if out of town too. Like if you live in a different state, probably six months is good too.

SPEAKER_03:

It sounds like a great breakdown if you're listening, you're a couple and you're like, I don't even know where we fit. Like, yeah, sounds like if you have a lot of stuff figured out, maybe that one month out is gonna be good. If maybe you're out of town or kind of in in between, don't really know what you want, but you want to be involved. Six months, yeah. Can you explain what that like day of stuff looks like? It like coordination, and maybe even touch on like the difference between like you guys coming and doing day of coordination, a part of like at least that one month out, and like the difference between what a couple would experience with like a venue coordinator. Sure. Cause I feel like there's this gray area of like, yeah, there is. Are they the same? Are they different? How are they different?

SPEAKER_02:

Right. Um, it also very much depends on your venue. There's a venue in the area that we're very we love working with, but truly, like they just turn the lights on and you show up and you do everything else. So they have the title of like a venue coordinator, but they really are just coordinating the weddings going on at the venue. But then you have people like Casey, who literally is running around all day. Um, but it's still helpful to have a wedding coordinator here because she's working on the grounds. Um, because this is a larger venue, like Casey's making sure that everything is looking the way it's supposed to be in the ceremony space, the reception space, like cocktail hour spaces. Um, but grounds-wise, like we're talking the like the flowers, the leaves, the wet benches, like they're cleaning off all that stuff. They're working on what the venue owns, but they're not touching on what your timeline is. They could care less if you're running late. Like, yeah, so you know, um, I mean, Casey would probably care if she would help you. But there are a lot of venue coordinators who probably couldn't really care less if you're running late and things like that. But whenever you bring a a wedding planner on, like we show up in the morning, we make sure, of course, your hair and makeup is getting here. Um, if you decide to do that here, um, or at a venue, and we prior to that create a spreadsheet, who's going first, how long it's gonna take, like, you know, it's very organized down to like which we appreciate when that stuff's on time. 30-minute intervals. Yeah, yeah. Um, so we're also making sure, like, did the florist get here? Um, when is the DJ coming here? Does the making sure the DJ has a table at the ceremony and the reception space, making sure that your rentals arrived? Like, do we have enough linens? That normally happens the Friday. You know, Friday we count everything. Um, oh my gosh, when the caterer comes, we're making sure everybody follows the layout.

unknown:

Follow the layout, please.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, nothing makes me want to like just, oh my goodness, I crawl sometimes when I like have a layout like taped to the bar. I'm like, follow the layout. It's I have right here for you. And then they try to like set up somewhere, it's not the right space. I'm like, no.

SPEAKER_03:

This is not a time to be different, people.

SPEAKER_02:

This is not your time. This is not a time. Oh my gosh. Making sure the bartender gets there, making sure. Um, so that's just making sure all of the vendors get there in the morning and they have what they need to set up.

SPEAKER_03:

So if you can imagine you're if you're a bride, you're sitting there getting your hair done, makeup done, just chilling with your girls.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

You don't need to be worrying about all these people just showing up.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I know. And you don't need your mom or your dad worrying about these people showing up.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And um, I just had this was about two months ago. We had a wedding, and this was a six-month package. So we like verified with the floor. So we're like, hey, we need four bouquets. And she's like, okay, perfect. She edited the invoice. We got a new invoice. We're like, okay, cool. That's the other thing we do is make sure, you know, you picked your bridesmaids and groomsmen a year and a half ago. Sometimes, like, if a bridesmaid got pregnant, you're like, okay, you don't actually have to be in the wedding, maybe just be a guest. Like, that's one less bouquet. Like, we have to fix these things.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, and she only showed up with three bouquets, and we were like, ooh, you know, so that's my job. I'm like, okay, we have to figure this out. So, like, we run a reception space, we're like cherry picking flowers out of these centerpieces, like it still looks great, but I need another bouquet. So we make a bouquet and you couldn't even tell. Yeah. But like, that's not something a bride needs to know that we had to do this morning.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And that's not something your mom should be doing.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Or your bridesmates or your sisters.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. So you can stay present.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Be around for all the things.

SPEAKER_02:

And that's just the morning. We haven't even gotten to it.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm already stressed. You're like crawling around. I'm already married, I don't have to do this again.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh man. No, I I just I feel like there, if you're not seeing the value after all that, I don't know what else we could say.

SPEAKER_02:

That's okay to each their own, truly.

SPEAKER_03:

So I mean, but Yeah, I I do really feel like if you don't want to worry about that stuff, you'd find someone that's doing some sort of planning, coordination. Right. But it sounds like from what you're saying, um, to couples who maybe don't have any sort of coordinator plan or anything, maybe check with your venue like what the actual coordination is. Sure. Is it light switching on and off, or is it like timeline help? And if it's not timeline help and setup help, right. You want to figure out how that's all gonna work.

SPEAKER_02:

Sure, yeah. And especially too, like with the guys, like specifically Harmony Forge, another ad here. Um, they get ready in a house that's like a little bit over to the side of the main house here. So it's like we need a coordinator over there, some intermittently kind of popping in and out, like, you know, what are you doing? Are you here?

SPEAKER_03:

What are you doing?

SPEAKER_02:

No, what are you doing? Yeah, uh, where are your bouton ears? Are they on? No, we don't know where they're okay. We'll find them, we'll get them for you. Or like, I had I it happened at this venue. I had a guy who was like, I didn't get a pocket square. I was like, Okay, I think you did. Let's go look. He's like, No, I don't think I did. And I'm like, Okay, so we lost your pocket square. We gotta figure it out. So we did. We figured the cocktail napkins look, of course, identical. So we just like hid it for some photos. No one knew, Brad didn't know until like a year later, she texted me and she was like, I had no idea that was a cocktail napkin. One of the groomsmen just told me, and I was like, That's you're not supposed to know these things.

SPEAKER_03:

That's the point.

unknown:

That's a secret.

SPEAKER_02:

Don't tell anyone, but yeah, so that's the other thing is like, is the venue coordinator checking in on the guys? Like, yeah, he or she probably doesn't care that they're like outside golfing from 7A till 11A, but like, did someone tell them to wear sunscreen or they're gonna be sunburnt for the ceremony that's happened.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_02:

With the sunglasses marks, yeah, yeah. It's okay. We learn. Yeah, we listen to we're listening and we're learning.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, definitely. Uh, what are some other questions that couples should be asking their vendors to help them make sure they know what they're getting? Sure. Um, maybe just to help them find like the right vendor in these different categories.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, that's a good question. Um we have a list for that. Oh, there you go. We do. Uh Bethany Cower events list. There you go. Uh so oh goodness, it's very vendor-specific.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

But what I want to encourage with this question, I would totally encourage couples to not just go with the vendors that they see the most of. Like, so if you're from a smaller town, even a larger town, like you're so used to all of these vendors. Like, there is a go to florist, a go-to photographer, yeah, maybe two or three go to photographers.

SPEAKER_03:

Everyone uses this person.

SPEAKER_02:

Literally, it's like, oh, so and so got married. We saw it on this social media because this is the person that everyone. Is using like everyone uses this venue, everyone uses this videographer or something. Um, and just because everybody uses them doesn't mean they're exactly who you want. So I again love social media in a sense it's like go to their Instagram page. Is that actually who you want? Because if not, there are so many other options out there. You should look at them, you should talk with them. I this is an example I like to use, especially with like engagement photos. Find a couple photographers you love and then get engagement photos with the photographer that you think you want for your wedding day. But it's kind of like an interview, it's like a trial run.

SPEAKER_03:

It is for sure.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my gosh. And if you just are not vibing with that photographer, that's okay. You got great photos out of it, but maybe seek someone else out for your wedding day. And you know, you might need to do an engagement session with them or meet them for coffee and just talk with them.

SPEAKER_03:

I guarantee if you that's a great, that's a great, great idea. I guarantee if you ask a photographer for just to do engagement photos, they they're not gonna say no. No, it might be$300 to$500. Yeah. But if you're gonna invest five or six thousand dollars into someone, you would probably want to try it first, maybe.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and if you go, if you come out of your engagement session, you're like, I didn't like that. You know, and sometimes, especially for the groom, it's kind of hard for them to warm up because like you know, grooms aren't standing around with the boys like taking pictures all the time. Like us girls, we love that stuff. We're like, oh, we're gonna engage in pictures on. I'm living for this. Grooms are like, I'm doing this because I love you.

SPEAKER_03:

Um don't actually want to be here, but I do love you.

SPEAKER_02:

I do love you and you want to do this. So, but truly, like if the groom is like, Oh, I didn't like that photographer very much, or if the photographer's not cueing you because you feel like you're just standing there and your pictures just kind of look awkward, like don't use them for your wedding. It's okay. Yeah, it's okay if you don't use them. This is your wedding day. You should be so particular about this.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, it goes right in line with the idea of like the photos could be the best photos you've ever seen. But if the experience doesn't match, right, or even like just it's good experience, but it could not match your vibe either.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And like you're with that person all day. Like literally all day.

SPEAKER_02:

That person's work is going to be hanging on your living room wall.

SPEAKER_03:

But like they're gonna be there at all the most important moments. Are they gonna be like intrusive, giving you like are they gonna be hyping you up? Yeah. Like, like, what do you want them to be doing?

SPEAKER_02:

Do you want them to be quiet and not coach you through poses and what you're supposed to be doing? Do you want them to just like hit the shutter like the whole time, say nothing? Or do you want them to be like, move this way, move that way, come do this, come do that, you know?

SPEAKER_03:

So that's a that's a I I love I've never heard that before, but I love that idea.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it's like again, an interview. And that's like whenever we sign on with brides and grooms, we have a really long conversation. We're like, let's just call and talk. Let's talk about what you've gotten done and what you need from us. And if you think during the conversation we're a great fit, we love that. If, but if you don't think we're a good fit, that's okay. Like, we don't want you to just sign on with us so we get more weddings. Like, this is your wedding day. Yeah, you should have again, we just talked about this. Like, you should fill it with the people that you really enjoy the most.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. So yeah, because you're crafting a day kind of based around the people, you know, all these different vendor categories like coming coming together.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Oh my gosh. And the vendor world for weddings is crazy. The amount of personality and it's a lot.

SPEAKER_03:

What would you say? I mean, couples have uh uh sometimes a hard choice to make when they're looking at all these different vendors. Um, you know, we were talking about photographers, for example. It's like, here's all these different photographers, all of their images are usually great. I mean, uh there's a lot of great photographers taking a lot of great photos. Yeah. Um, but when they're trying to find the right one, are there like red flags that they should be looking out for? And maybe not just specifically for photography, but just like in a general sense, yeah. If a vendor does X, like yeah, run away.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, okay. So there's a couple avenues I could go with this, but I'm gonna go with the avenue of if something is trendy, proceed with caution.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

So because I say that because we were just talking about you put this picture on the wall, like you will look at this picture forever. So we went through that phase where everything was like so light, airy, and it was just like everyone was whitewashed. And sometimes looking back at those photos, we're like, we needed to chill out on the brightness slider. Okay, we needed to like competent. But then we after that, like everything is so whitewashed, we did a complete like flip where everything was so dark, and it was just like I don't not Victorian, but I don't even know how to explain it. But it was moody, yeah, dark and moody, dark and moody, and people wanted dark and moody, and now I have nieces, they're seven and eight, and I've shown them pictures. I'm like, hey, look at this wedding picture, and she was like, Where did you get that? And I was like, This is my friend's wedding. Like, look how cute I looked. And she was like, That picture looks old, and I was like, Okay, that was rude because I'm still 20. Yeah, in your eyes, I better be 20. But yeah, so I would just say proceed with caution. This is more towards photographers, like yeah, if they're you want something to be timeless because you're going to have it hopefully forever. Um, also with photographers and videographers, I always say, don't be stingy. The only thing you have at the end of your wedding day is your photos and your videos. I know some planners might want to come for me after I say that. So some planners will say it's a party. You need to pick the world's best DJ. It is a party.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

But you're not gonna have the DJ at the end of the wedding, like hanging out at your house every Saturday.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, remember when that like right?

SPEAKER_02:

Wait, that's a great idea, though. You know, I don't know. Maybe we can start getting first dance mixes.

SPEAKER_00:

There you go.

SPEAKER_02:

I'll have to call a friend. Could you mix this song for their first dance? But yeah, you don't have that. Like, you're not gonna really probably put your dress on again. You're not going to eat the food that you had at your wedding again. Um, you get the cake a year later, but it's nice.

SPEAKER_03:

If if it's good, frozen.

SPEAKER_02:

I'll let them find that out. But yeah, so um red flags, I think, would be being too trendy.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Like, don't, you know, unless that is what you want and you want like the on-trend wedding, step back a little bit. Also, when photos look almost too perfect, you know, a lot of couples come um and they're like, hey, I have a Pinterest board. I'm like, okay, we have to have a 30-second talk. That is a very controlled environment. They're literally standing in a studio. There's someone there like meticulously putting flowers in their place, taking a petal away. They're meticulous, like fixing hair.

SPEAKER_03:

Paint the picture of like a styled shoe where a photographer is standing there. Right behind the photographer, there's a makeup artist. Yes, there's a hairstylist, there's a florist. Yeah, there's probably more photographers.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, there's no winds. And they're all there's no sunshine.

SPEAKER_03:

They're all making it absolutely perfect. Yeah. With all of the best stuff.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03:

And this might not be like where you're getting married.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, because I can't hairspray your flowers to a perfect stiffness that they stay exactly the way you want them the whole time. So that's the other thing is if there is vendors that promise you absolute perfection, I would just like you know, proceed with caution.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. So what's it look like when you have couples uh maybe they've booked a venue, it's in a style, but then they're showing you these pictures that are completely different style, and they're like, I want that there. Yeah. Like, how how do you kind of manage that expectation of like we're kind of talking about two different places?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Um, and that's a little bit of the challenge to this world of wedding planning, but I love it because it's like you you build a relationship with these people and you're like, listen, you hired me for my experience, and I want to come to you, and we need to talk about big picture. Um, I'm thinking of a wedding that we did uh back in the summertime, and it was in an older, it was gorgeous. It like had tons of windows, it was over a golf course, it was stunning, but it had like really old chairs, it had really old crazy hotel carpet, like things like that. So with the pictures that Brad was showing me, I was like, okay, I do see your vision here. Um, but if we're gonna make this vision come to life, we might need to look at doing draping. Like, let's do, I'm gonna tell you chairs, world of a difference, change of chairs. Um, maybe draw less of attention to the carpet in other ways. So sometimes that is hard that it happens a lot where there's like couples who are like, hey, I want to have this one style of a wedding. This is what I'm dreaming, but like this is the venue I ended up picking because this is the date that worked, or this is the budget that worked.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So we do our best to mesh it. Um, but you do need to be open-minded to some suggestions to say, if we could use the straping, if we could do, you know, these changes, we'll get closer to what your vision is.

SPEAKER_03:

Because we're not saying don't come with ideas.

SPEAKER_02:

No, we love the ideas.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, uh, but I think it's more of a conversation of like, how do we take the ideas and like execution? Figure out what the execution is and then expectations before the execution. Yeah. And just like a little bit of a dose of reality of like maybe that is a style shoot, or maybe it is a real wedding. Sure. But how does that fit into the vibe of maybe where you've already booked?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Or the style that you're going for.

SPEAKER_02:

Sure.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, and just making sure that honestly, expectations, like if they know what they're gonna get from you or another vendor and they get that thing, generally everyone's pretty happy.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, absolutely. But also, there are some, you know, couples that come and they're like, we well, specifically brides will be like, I love these florals. And I'm like, okay, is there a budget you're thinking for florals? And they'll tell me an amount. And I'm like, you just told me you were okay with like$5,000 of florals. The picture you just sent me is a minimum of$35,000 of florals. Unless you're willing to add the additional$30k to that, you we can't do this exact look. You know, like this is great for inspiration, but we can't pull that into being reality.

SPEAKER_03:

So we start there and then go. Here are the things that you can do. Yeah. With what you've given me. Sure. Um, keeping the the trend that you started with budget. I'd love to just like open the can of worms. Yeah. Talk about money.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, weddings are cheap.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Everyone's just there's I I just feel like there's this weird, like, we don't talk about it. Like, vendors don't talk about what they charge, like all this stuff. But I'm I'm just curious, like, couples are have never done this before. Maybe they have a number in mind, maybe they don't have a number in mind, maybe they're trying to figure out like what's a normal number, but how do they manage all of the different things that they have to pay for sure with uh an idea of an ab of a budget? Like what do they where do they start? What do they do?

SPEAKER_02:

How do you wrap your head around that? Yeah. No, I absolutely agree. So I hate to say chat GPT is your best friend, but it kind of is, especially because it will give you varying ranges of what each vendor is looking like. And from the wedding planner perspective, if you come to me and you're like, hey, our budget this, you let me say, you start picking some vendors and then you start to see the budget like actually form. You know, like you have something in your head and say that's like a$30,000 wedding, and then you start picking your photographer and your videographer in the venue, and you're like, oh, shoot, I'm getting close to that number. And I'm like, yeah, so um it's hard to even just put a price tag on a wedding because I've had a plethora of weddings here at this venue, and the the price ranges for those weddings has varied tremendously.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. So do do you recommend that couples have that initial number first? Or or should they start to kind of piece together and see if I picked my dream team, let's say I'm gonna be about this much, and then I need to figure out florals and like the design stuff.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Um, I think having an honest conversation with your significant other or soon-to-be significant other will just say, like, hey, this is a good budget I want to be at, but this is probably max of what we could do. And also sometimes families are like, hey, I want to cover this or I want to cover that. You need to, it's it's kind of a hard conversation, but like saying, Hey mom, hey dad, you know, I'm getting married. Obviously, you should probably know that. Um, if there, if you wanted to contribute in any way, like obviously I would love that, but we're creating a budget, so I just want to know what that looks like. You just have to be upfront and honest. Um, and then I would say kind of start with that number and then go in from there because you can always there are a lot of ways to save money in weddings, specifically like florals you can save money when you pick your guest count, saves a lot of money. Yeah, people are very shocked whenever you find out you know, you're like 20 guests less, which is going to be like$2,000 less. Yeah, I mean it's like a hundred dollars a plate.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, catering is by person. Yes, it is, and it's not cheap.

SPEAKER_02:

And like we talked about earlier, like normally eight people to a table, one less table, eight less chairs, one less linen, one less centerpiece, less china.

SPEAKER_03:

Do you have recommendations on like who they invite? Is there like a filter you have for them when they're like sure Bethany?

SPEAKER_02:

I just don't like my guest list is 500, but I can only have a hundred.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um Family and friends are important, but again, it's your wedding day. So do you who do you want to end up with on the dance floor at the end of the night?

SPEAKER_03:

I love that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Like if you're turning to the side and shaking your booty and you're like, Who is that? I'm so glad that you're here.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, exactly. Like if you're on the dance floor and you're all like, and and people are about to raise you up in chairs and you look down, you don't know who anyone is, you're like, this is scary. This isn't good.

SPEAKER_03:

Is your name Gerald?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, who was that? And then, like, you know, your your fiance's like, Oh yeah, that's my mom's uncle's wife. And you're like, Who is she? Never met her.

SPEAKER_03:

And she's holding me up by herself.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, she's crazy strong. Yeah. So, no, and honestly, um, as I've been doing wedding planning, I find that a lot of the you um the very traditional things have kind of gone to the wayside. And I really appreciate parents um of the bride and the groom when they're a lot of them genuinely just want you to have the best day. Yeah, and if you're like, if your wedding is three-fourths of your family's and they're just getting invited by default, well then maybe that's a conversation to say, hey, mom and dad, you want to invite the entire reunion, and that's okay. We'd love to throw a banger, but you're gonna need to upfront that cost because I just don't have that money and I'm not willing to get rid of my entire college friend group for great aunt Jean.

SPEAKER_03:

But they do parents, uh, I love them. Yeah, they have expectations and they can be very, very different from yours. And if you don't talk about it, you're gonna get to the point where like you're picking the guest list and it needs to be done, and then you're like frustrated. Oh, we have a hundred extra people, yeah, and who's gonna pay for that?

SPEAKER_02:

What are we doing with them?

SPEAKER_03:

Are we putting it? Because that's a hundred times a hundred, that's a lot of money.

SPEAKER_02:

So I just goes back to you when we're especially budget, you just have to have those hard conversations early. I would encourage them early. And um, especially like with the guest list planning. Again, it's like your wedding day. Of course, be respectful. Um, but again, who do you want to party with you on the dance floor at the end of the night?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and I think there's a way to voice your opinion if it's an opinion to whoever else might be helping like form the list.

SPEAKER_01:

Sure.

SPEAKER_03:

To be like, hey, that's gonna cost us more money. Yeah, which is totally fine. But like we we might need a little bit of help with that. Yeah. If if let's say that 30 that you threw out before, like that's the number. Do you have a recommendation? Like, like, where does a couple take the first chunk out of the 30? Yeah, and what are they the venue? Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah. I would say also, so I sometimes it's a toss-up, and it's like brides and grooms will say, like, I fell in love with this venue. I have to have this venue. Okay, perfect. Get a date, find out the rest. Personally, I love when couples find their favorite photographer and videographer, and they reach out and say, What's your availability? We love three venues. Um, and then you could say, like, hey, I'm only available this date. Perfect. Only one venue is available that date, match it up. And that's but the biggest chunk is gonna be your venue.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. So kind of starting there, maybe if you have a photographer, yeah. Um, if you have a videographer, that's cool. I love that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you should get a videographer.

SPEAKER_03:

But if you have the those two or three where it's like, what dates are gonna work? What's that number gonna be? And then you can kind of go from there figuring out like, okay, well, now we've spent 20 of the 30, we have 10 left to do decor, whatever else that might be. And who knows, like maybe your venue comes with yeah, the chairs, the linens, and all that stuff.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Also, second to that is catering.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Huge number. Like we were talking about$100 per person.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Easy.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And if you're having a hundred person wedding, that's ten thousand dollars. Yeah. You're spending on food. And that's not sometimes even your bar. I hope you're sitting down while you're listening to those podcasts.

SPEAKER_03:

Sorry, I feel like we got really like well, I got dark quick.

SPEAKER_02:

You walked me down the dark hall.

SPEAKER_03:

You're like, that's gonna be 10. That's gonna be 10, that's gonna be 10.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, I I I do hope that if you're a couple that's listening, you're at least just getting a framework for like budget's a thing, yeah, money is a thing, the weddings do cost money.

SPEAKER_02:

And it adds up so quickly.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. And I I do think if you have a framework to use to go into it, you'll have expectations that are met and you'll have a better experience with it, as opposed to being like, oh, this is only gonna cost a hundred dollars. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Like, oh, I'll spend 200 on chairs.

unknown:

Wrong.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Like if you want the nice chairs, we're talking like$650,$750 a chair.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Per chair.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

That's and then also, especially when brides and grooms are um picking wedding parties. Like, truly, every decision you make based off your wedding has a cost. So I have a friend, she has 11 bridesmaids. I looked at her and said, Taylor, are you crazy? And she's like, Absolutely, I 100% am crazy. But she's like a very awesome person. So it the 11 is even, you know, shrinked down from what she could have. Um, but that's 11 people getting hair and makeup done. Hair, 125 makeup, 100. Are you tipping? Are you paying for them to do that? Yeah, like if you'd like to do that, just know that's going to cost you, you know, 250.

SPEAKER_03:

12,000 bucks, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Per girl.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So you got 10 girls,$2,500 that you're spending on hair and makeup.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Plus the tip.

SPEAKER_02:

Plus the tip.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Yeah. I I just you you have to know this stuff before you start going, or else you're gonna be. I mean, maybe some some might not be shocked or like whoa, but like you might be like shocked or like whoa. Yeah. If you're not in the know beforehand, and most aren't most couples aren't proportionally.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know that I I think I have one couple in my like seven years of doing this that came back as like a second, like she they were an older couple, wanted like a fun backyard wedding. Um, but other than that, everyone's first timers.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that's normal to be first timer. We don't expect you to know all this.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

That's the other thing. Like, just a reminder, when you think about a wedding planner, I just encourage you to call them, set up a phone call with them, pick our brains. I'm happy to chat weddings with you for an hour and a half on a Sunday.

SPEAKER_03:

Hopefully, you are if you're a planner. Because that's basically your job.

SPEAKER_02:

But like interview us. Yeah. Like, say, ask us questions, do things like that. And again, like I can't encourage it enough. Just keep asking questions too. You can never ask too many.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. And I don't mind the questions. I like I mean, I even just as a videographer, I don't mind the questions. Sometimes when there aren't questions, I'm like, are we good? Are you are you okay? Are we okay? Am I good? Yeah. Are you good? We're good.

SPEAKER_02:

Just let me show. Okay.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, no questions? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and I I ask a couple times too when they don't have questions because I want them to have questions. But you don't have to have questions. But if you do, we love them. And there's never a silly totally appreciate that. Stupid question. Because there's Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you like or dislike first looks? I love them.

SPEAKER_03:

As a videographer, you love them. I love them. Yeah. I love well, I love first looks with private vows. If I could clarify. I normally have a tissue for the parents, but I'm literally like Yeah, no, it's those, those to me, uh we're as a videographer, my style has shifted a lot from like my first wedding film. I think there was still an emphasis on story, but everything was very slow moving and like beauty focused, like cinematic.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh like a clip like that.

SPEAKER_03:

And I feel like the more I've done it, the more I'm like, that's nice. And people can make videos like that. Totally fine. But for me, I want more like people, story, dialogue.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

The more dialogue I can get, like the more of the couple talking about each other and their journey together.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Love it.

SPEAKER_02:

No, like I was there. I heard it, and then I hear it in the video. I'm crying again.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Like that's what we started interviewing our couples. Yeah. To get even more of like, tell me about your first date. Tell me about meeting them. If if someone didn't know this person, like how would you describe them?

SPEAKER_02:

I love oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03:

And it's just like so, like, so you put that with like a private vow first look moment. Yeah. And then maybe they did letters or like maybe like we did interviews with some guests at one of these weddings um recently. Literally crushed it and like put this giant chunk of it at the end because he's talking about like this is I'm like getting goosebumps. This is the one time that all of your people are gonna be together and we love you so much and like all this stuff. And I was like, dude, um, yes.

SPEAKER_02:

I need could you send me this? Yeah, I would have seen his.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, definitely. This is so fun.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, oh my gosh. I can't agree with you more. As a wedding planner, I love, love, love first looks. I totally respect the tradition of wanting like that first, like coming down the aisle. Um, but gosh dang, it's so personal. And during your wedding day, there's so many people around, and rarely do you ever see the person you married on your wedding day. Like, other than Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So if you if you do a first look, you get probably an extra two or three hours sometimes. I say all of that, and Christina and I, my wife, we did not do a first look.

SPEAKER_02:

I didn't we didn't either.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So we didn't like years ago. It wasn't like trendy then.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I just said don't stay like stay away from trends. Here we are.

SPEAKER_03:

You're really just like getting yourself. Um, no, I I do really appreciate the idea of a groom or a bride or both of them wanting to see each other for the first time that way. Oh, it is like I'm totally okay with it, but there are drawbacks for the rest of the logistics. So if you do want to make that decision, just know there's gonna be more family photos after. We won't have any portrait time before, which sometimes is okay because the lighting can kind of not be the greatest at that point. But um yeah, totally fine with either. But I love the private vows.

SPEAKER_02:

It's just like there are pros and cons to each. And do you care if we visit that? Yeah, go for it. So pros with the first look, especially like as a wedding coordinator perspective. I take her and like videographer, photographers, get the groom. We set you up, no one's around. We're literally like, no, mom, bridesmaids, groomsmen, sisters, brothers, scoot scoot. Yeah, um, it is it's sometimes so quiet, and it's literally just the two of you, and there is no pressure. Yeah, no pressure at all. And I find that the grooms are so much more emotional during a first look than they are when they're standing up there in front of 200 people.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, it's it's I I balled like a baby, but uh there's just there's a lot more pressure when you're in front of 100, 200 people.

SPEAKER_02:

Also, it just like gets the wiggles out. Like, I think you anticipate, you know, like it's just the hype you haven't been talking to them all morning, yeah, all afternoon, and then like you finally get to see them, and they're just like, Oh my gosh, like you're in that moment, you're like vulnerable with each other, like I'm so nervous. And the other one's like, I'm so nervous now, and like we're nervous together.

SPEAKER_03:

Sounds like a great film. You're just like narrating.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. And then they do the vows, and you're just like, okay, we don't even need to proceed with the rest of the day. Like, yeah, I'm already crying over here. Yeah. Um, you get, I feel like you get so much more usage out of your videographer and your photographer when you do first looks. And again, like gets the jitters out. I mean, the con to it is that you, you know, don't get that, you know, walking down the aisle and he sees you for the first time. First time. Yeah. Yeah. It can still be special. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, and I do still love when private vows or like that private handwritten vow does still happen, like out of ceremony. Yeah, me too. Um, I I it's better than the call and response, in my opinion. Yeah. It's just so much more personal. I think for me, I just love anything that's more personal. Yeah. Make your wedding day your own about the couple and less like formalities, which is what I love. Like, you can cut the cake, you can toss a bouquet. Right. You can do a coupled entrance. But I love the like, we'll just cut the cake whenever. Like you come over and film it, but like, we'll just cut it whenever.

SPEAKER_02:

We've been doing a lot of that actually, like silent cake cutting is what we call it. Like the DJ doesn't announce it. We wedding planners, go find your parents. We're like, hey, we're cutting the cake. We like take pictures and videos. Okay, we did the cake, it's been good. It's served, but no one knew yet. They just took a dance break and there was cake at their seat. Yeah. But yeah, it's I really love also with first looks. Um, I have you're spending so much on this wedding, not to revisit that. But we've gone past that. Not to remind you of that, but you oftentimes get to actually partake in your cocktail hour.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02:

Which is so fun to have brides and grooms be able to like get a cocktail, socialize a little bit, and then you can actually like get in there, you know. You do your entrances, we do your dances, we do your toasts, everybody eats, and then you're not being bombarded because you were already kind of bombarded at your cocktail hour.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. It's a fun, like casual, you're just kind of meandering through the people as opposed to like being like walked up on. Right. The thing that I hate the most is like just let them dance and have fun. I know. Please just let them dance and have fun. Yeah. When my when our grooms are out there shaking their booty, I'm like, do not do anything that's gonna get him off the dance floor.

SPEAKER_02:

Touch him. Maybe go smoke a cigar, come back, but like just Yes, someone bring him something to drink because he's not allowed to leave.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, um, it's just I I love when they just like let loose after all of the stress of like the planning and even like some of the stress of the morning is all just like kind of done. Yeah, formalities are done, right? We don't need you for. Anything just like have fun.

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly. And after the ceremony, that's my first my first thing. I remind them like you did it.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

The rest from here on out is just fun. Like it's for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Bethany, your take on everything has just been so exciting. We literally just took a break and I was like, this has been so cool. And I just want that to be on the podcast because I hope everyone that's listening, there's just been so many nuggets of wisdom and advice to help just plan the best day. Yeah. I'm curious, as we're kind of like landing the plane here, sure. What's your like best takeaway, your best like last advice for couples? Sure.

SPEAKER_02:

Ask questions. Ask a million questions. And if you think you asked enough questions, ask more questions. Um also control the controllables. Like, you know, on your wedding day, if something's out of your hands, it's okay. Um, someone will take care of it. Hopefully it's us.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

But control what you can control, but the things that are out of your control you have to let go. Um just so that you can enjoy your wedding day truly, like 100% to the fullest.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that. Because there's gonna be things that go wrong.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Will you know they went wrong?

SPEAKER_03:

Out of your control. Hopefully not. Yeah, hopefully not. But there's gonna be things that go wrong.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, but you know, you just gotta focus in on the things that you can control. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

And yeah, and your day is full of people who are celebrating you and love you and like are just excited to party and celebrate you getting married.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um so for both of you, the bride and the groom, I realize a lot of what we're talking about kind of related to like bridesmaids, bride things, but I want to reinforce this. Grooms are just as important. This is a couple making a lot of these decisions. And we do have a lot of grooms that are really involved. Um, and we absolutely love that. And sometimes, like grooms, if you find your niche and you're like, listen, I don't really care about a lot of these decisions that she cares about, but I do care about X, Y, and Z. Please, please, please, just tell us what you do care about because we would love to make that work for you. Yeah, like your requests are just as important as her request. And if we can fulfill both of them, oh my gosh, you're sure to throw a banger.

SPEAKER_03:

And I do feel like brides appreciate when their grooms come up and say, like, hey, I don't really care about the flowers, but can I pick the DJ?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Like when they are taking on that thing and it's exciting for them.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I had a um a groom who wanted to do like pins or something, like vintage pins. Like he loves vintage, he was super into vintage. He's like, Could I do vintage pins instead of bouton ears? And I was like, Absolutely, I love that idea. That's very you, very couple, like specifically, you're changing something to make it more of your day. Yeah, we're full send.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I love that. Well, Bethany, this has been so great. Um, like I said, I hope you guys have listening and watching, you've gotten so much from this episode. Where can people find and follow your work?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Um, Instagram, Bethany Cower Events. We are in the process of a name change.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, we brand.

SPEAKER_02:

I know. Um, because we are having a lot of more assistant um planners come on board. So it's like it's under at Bethany Cower Events.

SPEAKER_03:

But if you changes, I'll put the new thing in the description.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. But if you see it's called the event edit, that's gonna be like the transition. Okay. Um, but you can find us on Wedding Wire and the Not. Yep.

SPEAKER_03:

Perfect. Yeah. And what's the best way for people to like reach out?

SPEAKER_02:

So definitely through Wedding Wire. If you do an inquiry, um, we get that directly to our email. And even on Instagram, you can it says in the bio, no DMs, but if you slide in, it's okay. We'll forgive you because we know you listen to this podcast. Yeah, there you go. So we will forgive those ones.

SPEAKER_03:

If you mention the podcast, a little extra street cred. There you go. The DMs.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, that's so fun. What's what's coming up for Bethany Cower events that you're excited about?

SPEAKER_02:

Um a lot. I'm really excited. Um actually, this was about a week ago. I got a call from a bride, and she's like, hey, um, I live in New York, but I have this like couple hundred acre um animal sanctuary and I have a house there. It's pretty cool. I want to turn it into a wedding venue and I want to get married, but I want to use my wedding as like marketing for the wedding venue.

SPEAKER_00:

And I was like, Okay, yeah, tell me more. Does your venue need a planner?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I was like, oh, okay. So I'm really excited. I'm going out to visit just so we can like wrap our head around this. I'm probably going to be roping in um another event planner designer in the area, um, who is just like this is right up her alley and like our heads together. It's gonna be crazy. Um, but yeah, like she sent me pictures of all kinds of animals on the sanctuary and just oh, it's stunning. So yeah, if you're in the central PA area, maybe more to come fall 2026.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, well, that's all for this episode. Appreciate everyone tuning in. And if you liked what you heard from Bethany, there's more to come um with the podcast, and we'll catch you guys next time on the preferred list.

SPEAKER_01:

Thanks for having me.