#18: Less Stuff, More Peace: Making Space for Calm and Clarity with Amy Wopperer

The calm you’re craving isn’t hidden in another storage bin—it’s found in the space you create when you let go.

In this episode of Be Still & Live, I’m joined by Amy from Simplify Buffalo, professional organizer and mom of three, to explore how simplifying our homes can restore not just order, but peace. We talk about the connection between visual clutter and the nervous system, why empty space can feel uncomfortable at first, and how intentional environments support presence and ease.

Amy shares compassionate, practical rhythms for slowing the inflow, honoring different brains, and creating systems that actually serve real families. We also gently unpack the emotional layers—gift guilt, sentimental items, and the freedom that comes from choosing space over stuff.

If your home feels heavy and your nervous system is tired, this episode is a quiet invitation to return to order, one small release at a time.

Connect with Amy: 

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New here? Start with episodes 1-3: “Take Back Your Life”, "From Hustle to Healing",  and “5 to Thrive.” 

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Transcript

Welcome And Why Space Matters

SPEAKER_02 0:00

When you have that breathing room, it does, it makes your whole life easier. I mean, just literally in your closet, when there's room to slide the clothes around a little bit, it makes getting dressed easier.

Amy’s Path From Order To Impact

Gillian 0:12

If your days feel full, but your heart longs for more meaning, you're not alone. Between the screens, the schedules, and the never-ending noise, it's easy to lose your sense of peace. But what if the way forward isn't found in doing more, but in learning to slow down, to simplify, to be still. Welcome to Be Still and Live, a podcast for individuals, couples, and families longing for calm, connection, and a more meaningful way to live. I'm Gillian, speaker, coach, and founder of Sileo Health and Wellness, and I'm here to help you create space for stillness and step into a life that feels whole and good again. In a world that constantly tells us more is better, many of us are quietly longing for the opposite: less noise, less stuff, and more space to breathe. Today's conversation invites us into that space. I'm joined by Amy, the owner of Simplify Buffalo, a professional home organizing company that has been helping people declutter and bring order to their homes for over five years. As a mom of three, Amy understands firsthand the mental load so many families carry, and she's deeply passionate about creating simple, supportive systems that free up time, energy, and presence for what really matters. In this episode, we explore how simplifying our physical spaces can calm our minds, nurture stillness, and create a sense of flow in everyday life. This isn't about perfection or minimalism for its own sake. It's about creating room for peace. Let's begin. Hi, Amy. It's so great to have you on the show today. Thank you for being here. My pleasure. Thanks for having me. You're welcome. I mean, we are just wrapping up. We're we're recording this right after the holidays when everybody has gone through the busyness and we've all absorbed a bunch of new stuff from Christmas, from the gifts we've received, and we have all this Christmas stuff we were just talking about. That where are we going to put it all? We've got to find homes for everything. So I feel like this is really timely. This conversation is something that people are going to be eager for. So let's dive in, Amy. I'm I'm curious to know before we start to talk about homes and systems. I'd love to start with when you first noticed that clutter wasn't just a physical issue, but something that affected people emotionally and mentally. When did you notice that? Was it a personal story that you experienced, or was it experiencing that with your clients?

SPEAKER_02 2:49

I think it's been an evolution with both. So I started my organizing business in 2020, the year of COVID. I was working a part-time corporate job from home, obviously. And then I was also home a few days a week with my young kids. And I read a few books about minimalism. Like I've always been an organized person, but I started really kind of doubling down on minimalism and decluttering. And I was reading these books because I think I was like trapped at home, like we all were. I was overwhelmed with the world and then also my life at home with little kids and all the stuff. And I just like harnessed that and I felt so much better having my space decluttered and under control. And then I had that realization that not everyone enjoys organizing as much as I do. It's always been something that's come naturally for me. And just thought, wow, I think I could help other people do this, other overwhelmed moms, people that don't have time to declutter and to organize. And my husband was glad also. He's like, yes, please just go organize someone else's house, stop organizing ours. Um, so you know, when I started, it really was about, oh, I can like help make their kitchen run more efficiently, or I can organize your garage for you. And what I didn't realize was the emotional impact it would have on people. And that's what has kept me going now for going on six years doing this. It's, you know, it's not the easiest job. It's physically taxing, it's emotional work. But the benefits that I see in my clients and the way that their lives change, the way that I can see the weight lifted off of them, um, they will sometimes, you know, open up to us about really heavy things or cry at the end because they feel so relieved. And it's just been amazing to see that transformation for people.

Gillian 4:54

That's awesome, Amy. I can, I can hear the passion in your voice. And, you know, when something that we do is physically demanding, emotionally taxing, but we still show up to do it, that's when you know that you've kind of found your purpose in life. And when it comes down to giving this gift of clarity and peace to your clients, there's nothing better than that. It's a really fulfilling feeling, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Yes. And it's obviously not what I went to school for. And, you know, there's certain days where you're like, what am I doing with my life? How did I get to this place? But it doesn't matter because it's really feels like the soul work that I'm doing that's fulfilling me and helping other people.

Gatekeeping And Household Inflow

Gillian 5:30

Yeah, I'm glad you mentioned that because a lot of the people that I interview on this show talk about that. You know, they were they were on a pathway, they were programmed to do something or execute something very specific with their life. They were educated in a in a certain way. But what I'm speaking to them about on this show is typically something that took them to a completely different space because they followed their heart. They followed that passion, they followed that, you know, emotional connection with other people where they're able to offer their gifts and talents to others in a very unique way by helping other people. So I think that's a really important point to make. And you're raising three kids, I'm raising four kids, discussing this with our kids too. I mean, don't put yourself in a box. You never know where life is going to take you. And now you have this beautiful business. And uh I I said it in the intro. It's called Simplified Buffalo in Buffalo, New York. And um, I would just love for you to touch on how this company has helped you personally support your own sense of calm and presence at home. I know you touched on it a little bit, but how have you really internalized this in your own space and how has it affected you?

SPEAKER_02 6:44

I practice what I preach for sure. I declutter my home constantly with three kids. There is always more coming in the door. Um, even, you know, us adults, there's constantly more, more, more, more coming in. So just really gatekeeping my house and really asking the question like, is this item worth me finding a space or a home for? Is this worth my energy to figure out where this needs to go? Or should it just, you know, not even enter the space? That's the easiest way to declutter, is just to never let the clutter in. Um but it is constant work. And even the women on my team, when we go organize a closet or like a really cluttered space, we all talk about how we then come home and and come home and declutter our own homes because we feel we are so affected by our spaces. And if we can kind of preserve our sanity at home, it really, it really makes a difference in the home life for our kids and for ourselves. So um, yeah, it's my job, but it's also just like how I prefer to live, also, and have, you know, broken down my husband to comply and over the years.

Gillian 8:01

Well, I'm sure he sees the he notices the benefits too. But I'd love to unpack that a little bit more, Amy. You say something really important about being the gatekeeper. And this is something, I mean, you and I were probably reading the same minimalist books during COVID because I was going crazy as well. And um, I just felt like, why is it so difficult? I don't think parenting has always been this difficult. I don't think organization has always been this difficult. I think what has happened is we just have this influx in stuff that is just flowing into our homes. And it is the kids, it's the birthday parties. They come home with these, you know, goodie bags full of junk from the dollar store that ends up all over the place and goes in the trash. They are constantly gifted at school. They're they're sent home with paperwork, with worksheets, with all this stuff. And it just becomes so much to manage. So I'd love for you to chat about uh how you do that gatekeeping. And you mentioned as well, it's it's the adults as well. I mean, we have Amazon at our fingertips. Anything we want, we can literally press a couple buttons and it shows up at our front door. But like you said, everything that shows up, it absorbs our energy. Everything that comes into our home is now something that we need to maintain and give our energy to in some way, shape, or form, whether it's just in our space or it's something that we have to move around and find a home for. So, what does that gatekeeping look like? What have you learned? Like, what is your filter system?

Systems For Kids And Community Norms

SPEAKER_02 9:25

I think I don't know if other people can relate to this, but obviously it feels really good and easy. You're online shopping, you click on Amazon, you need something, and it arrives the next day. And I get a sense of panic though when it actually arrives because I really don't like actually having to like then deal with it. And it feels nice and easy to like buy this thing, but then now what? And like, where is this gonna go? Um, and then you so I think just a like we need to be the models for our children that if we can't declutter our own spaces, we certainly shouldn't be asking our kids to, you know, get rid of all their toys. It's really like we need to be the role models and the example. Um, and my kids see me constantly like paring down my clothes or, you know, weeding through my own things and removing the excess. And it's just something that we constantly talk about in my house is, you know, can we donate this? Like, hey, do you want to keep this? Or, you know, is it time to let it go? So my kids are just like programmed at to that at this point. Um, I do have one son who is more of a collector, and he he's so different than me or my husband, and he's the one that like his room gets out of control and he he loves stuff, his love language is gifts. So it's hard for us to relate to him sometimes, but I do feel like I have that perspective in my family as well. Um and I, you know, for a specific example with the birthday party treat bags or something like that, the stuff that comes home from school. I don't, I let it come in the house. I physically will let it come in the house, but usually we deal with it in a day or two. And, you know, the candy goes in the pantry, the little toys, like we do have one drawer or one like bin that is kind of like the little novelty toys and things. So I do let them keep some of it. Some of it I put right back in this one bag that I keep for um a specific teacher that I give it to, and she puts it in the prize bin at school. So I feel like I have a little system of like regifting it back to it's like this cycle of stuff.

Gillian 11:34

Um that's a great idea.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

So yeah, I found her on buy nothing. I was trying to give away like little, you know, tchotchke gifts, and she said she keeps a prize bin at school. So I constantly like use my goodies to refill her her um treasure bin at school. Um, and then also, so I do let each of my kids have a treasure bin in their room. So it's literally, you know, one little bin, and they're allowed to keep like whatever stuff that they want. It has to be within those physical limits. That's something I've learned through all these years of organizing. The physical limits are important. So when that bin of school paper starts to overflow, or the when the bin of treasure starts to overflow, that's the time that like triggers us to then have to go through and make some decisions. And usually by that time, the emotional tie has kind of worn off. They don't even remember where they got that specific item or that paper's not important anymore. So giving it a little bit of time actually helps then when you need to pare it down.

unknown 12:34

Right.

Gillian 12:34

That's some great advice, Amy. And uh I'm definitely gonna start putting that into practice because these are areas that you kind of feel stuck. You don't know what to do with all the stuff. And you don't want to be a no parent. You don't want to, you know, have that be the gatekeeper that's, you know, super miserable and not allowing your kids to experience the type of life that kids experience today. So those are some really awesome um ideas for how we can let stuff in, but still have some control and management of all the stuff.

SPEAKER_02 13:04

And I'm okay with just not being super fun sometimes. Yeah. If you can be both, but also I think it's also a conversation with other parents. So I mean, I've tried, you know, we got have the group chats going on with the kids' classrooms, and it'll be time for a holiday party coming up. And I've I've spoken out before to say, like, hey, I don't think we all need to send treat bags in. Yeah. And I'm okay being the bad guy because I think some parents like feel this pressure, like, well, they're sending a treat bag, so I have to send a treat bag. And I'm like, hey, can we all just not send treat bags? Like, let's send snacks for the party, but we don't need stuff to come home. Or uh one thing I did for my son's birthday was I don't know if you've heard of a fiver party, but it's basically where instead of asking for gifts at the birthday party, you ask everyone just to bring five dollars in a card. And, you know, you can write on the invitation, like my son or daughter is saving up for one big thing that they really want. And instead of a gift, please just contribute like five dollars towards this thing that they want to buy. And my one son, like, he really didn't truly couldn't think of any gift ideas. He didn't want any stuff. And it got such great reception from the other parents because it's easier on them, it's less expensive for them. It's I don't know. It was such a successful thing to just say, like, let's relax on the gifts. Take some. Yeah.

Space, Stillness, And Visual Clutter

Gillian 14:28

Yeah. There's so much pressure put on parents and even the little goody bags at at the holidays, right? It becomes this micro competition sometimes where it's like the bags get bigger and bigger. And now it's not just one lollipop, it's a little goodie bag full of stuff for Valentine's Day or for Halloween or for Easter, and it's all the holidays, and it's just too much, you know? So I love that, you know, communication is key, having that conversation with other parents and just talking about it and saying, hey, do we actually want to be doing this? Is this actually good for our kids? What is this stuff actually useful for? And um, can we just opt out or or find a different way, like you said? So, Amy, at Soleil, we talk a lot about stillness. That is what I do. I'm a stillness coach. And um it's really this idea of not as doing nothing, but as creating space. How do you see physical space in the home impacting our ability to experience mental stillness and just being calm in our space?

SPEAKER_02 15:30

Over my years of organizing, I've seen that people tend to just fill the space we have. And there's this natural inclination that's like if I have five feet of closet space, I'm filling five feet of closet space. If I have 50 feet of closet space, I'm filling 50 feet of closet space. And it strangely can be uncomfortable for people to have an empty cupboard or to have breathing room in the closet. Like something about that feels unnatural. And I don't know, you know, it's probably a product of certain generations and the way we grew up and how our homes looked in that sense. And I just like to remind people that when you have that breathing room, it it does, it makes your whole life easier. I mean, just literally in your closet, when there's room to slide the clothes around a little bit, it makes getting dressed easier. And um maybe it's not so much like the stillness in the space, but I do see like the effect of clutter and visual clutter on us. It it really is like mentally taxing. So there are certain people who really need to see their things to know they exist. So for those clients, we put things in clear bins. They can see everything, they know it's there, they won't forget it. But other people are much more affected by visual clutter. And it's definitely women more than men. And our cortisol levels literally go up when we are surrounded by clutter. So, and I know I'm a person like that that's affected by that. So I tend to use opaque containers, things that you can't see into. Maybe they're labeled, but I don't have to see the stuff that's in there. So that's visually calming to me. And it like triggers my brain less and is leads to less overwhelm. So it's interesting how there are certain strategies, even like you're gonna have stuff in your house, you're gonna have some clutter, but there are ways to even kind of disguise it and just like tone it down so that our brain's not constantly um kind of going wild when we see that.

Gillian 17:36

Yeah, it's interesting that you say that because that is equivalent to what um I help my clients with, this discomfort they have with silence, with you know, we get so uncomfortable when there's silence in a conversation, when there's silence in a room, when there's silence in our space. I mean, we're constantly grabbing for something, for some type of distraction, whether it's your phone, whether it's turning the TV on, whether it's picking up, you know, your phone to call somebody, we're uncomfortable with that silence. And you're saying the same thing, like we're uncomfortable with empty space. And I wonder why that is. I mean, it's we have this, we have this um desire to fill our mind with distractions and our space with stuff. And I'm wondering how much of that is our conditioning in the environment around us. And this this kind of segues into my next question is this consumer-driven culture that subtly tells us that more is better, more distraction is better, more information is better, more stuff is better. But what have you learned firsthand about the truth that less really can be more?

Less Is More For Play And Life

SPEAKER_02 18:49

I think one thing that's really resonated with me again is a book I read a bunch of years ago called Simplicity Parenting. And in that book, they really just talk about how kids play better and deeper with less toys, like having less available, less choices, less overwhelm. And the examples, like you go on vacation to an Airbnb, and that Airbnb like doesn't have any toys, or maybe they have like a few little things you brought with, and like your kids survive and they have a great time, and they turn, you know, solo cups and some straws like into a game or into a toy, and there's room for creativity, and you know, it's just it's truly like I've witnessed it in my own life with my own kids and in playrooms and things, just having less is so beneficial. Um so that's like a concrete kind of example of how I've seen that in in my kids' lives.

Gillian 19:52

You're right on point, and I see that too. I see it in my own life. I see it in my kids' life as you do. When you clear the state. And they have less to work with, they're less distracted. Then they they shift from consumer mode, and we do the same thing as adults. So I'll just say we shift from consumer mode to creative mode. And we were, I believe that we were created to create. And if we're not creating, we start to feel dull, we start to feel blue, we start to feel depressed because we have these beautiful, brilliant brains that are meant to create and to use our imagination and to, you know, create things around us that are fun and entertaining. And we see that in our kids. Like you said, if if they have nothing to play with, they're gonna find the sticks in the backyard and play some type of game with it, or they're going to, like you said, use the solo cups and come up with some new game that they've never played before. And they're using their brain and their creativity in a different way. So that that's so cool to be able to witness that. But then how do we take a step back and actually choose that way of life without feeling guilty about it, without feeling guilty that your kids don't have a bunch of stuff around them?

SPEAKER_02 21:09

Right, because everyone else's kids have this and that, and you know, then they compare themselves too. But yeah. I'm I mean, I don't have a magic like parenting solution for that, but I will just add about the less is more in our homes. Less is more for us too, because it's less to less stuff to move off your kitchen counters when it's time to clean. So cleaning is easier. It's easier to find things that you're looking for when there's less clutter around. Like there are just, I could go on and on about the benefits. And I think everyone knows that, but they don't maybe internalize it. That you think you're making your life easier by buying the avocado tool because it's gonna make it easier to like cut your avocado. But what could you use instead? You could activate the creative mode of your brain and say, I can use a knife and a spoon or whatever, or some TikTok hack I learned, and just do that without that extra tool. Cause then that's one more thing you need to clean and shove in your drawer that prevents it from opening. It just we never really stop to think. But like, is that making your life easier or is it just making it more crowded? And yeah.

Gillian 22:19

And thinking about the the sales and marketing world, like we are always being sold to. If somebody can find a way to get our money, they're going to create something to get the money out of our pocket and into theirs. So when you think of it that way, like, is it really worth exchanging my money for this item that is now going to be something that I need to manage in my home that already has too much stuff? So it's just taking that pause. And that's what I do is help people to choose to take that pause rather than impulsively buying something or impulsively bringing something else into your space. That's only going to be something that stresses you out even more. And and going back to our kids, I think I did read some research on how our kids actually experience stress when they walk into a space with toys that are all over the place because they don't know where to start. They don't know how to manage themselves.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

How many times, you know, you you go to a fellow mom's like house or when I go to my client's house and like they have a room full of toys and they don't play with any of them. Yeah. And it's like, well, do you want to be in this room? Like, no one wants to be in this room. It's completely out of control. How do they even know where to what to play with?

Flow, Families, And Everyday Ease

Gillian 23:31

So it's overwhelming. Yeah. So I'd love to kind of shift into how this impacts our nervous system. You talked a little bit about the cortisol levels in women, especially when they see clutter around them. But do you notice a shift in people's stress levels or decision making once clutter is removed? And like what does that shift look like?

SPEAKER_02 23:54

Yeah, I mean, it's especially transformative, I think, for my clients who struggle with ADHD and any other like neurodivergence that they are just paralyzed oftentimes with where to start and they don't know how to tackle it. And when we can come in and, you know, our brains as a team of organizers are just wired differently. It's not better or worse. It's like I see things in categories. I can create a system for you, I can help you pare down. Usually they're ready to let go of things, but they just need to be kind of walked through that process of literally like each question. Um, and then their space, you know, is less overwhelming. They know where things are supposed to go. And you can see it on their face, you know, and then how they tell me that, you know, it's like they've not had people over to their house for years. And now they can have people over again. They're not embarrassed of their space, or they feel like they're, you know, their kids deserve a better space to live in. And they want to teach their kids like how to, you know, maintain their space and now they're able to do that. It's it's really powerful.

Gillian 25:08

Yeah, no, I it totally is. And, you know, I feel I feel that that um relief when my space is tidy and organized. But it's keeping that way, that's the issue. So, how does having fewer things in the first place, being that gatekeeper? And maybe we can talk later about like how you remove the things if you if you've gotten to the point where you have too much stuff, how you do that. But when you've uh, you know, uh done the gatekeeping and you have fewer things and clearer systems, how does that support flow in daily life, especially for busy families? That's what I'm interested in, because it's the flow that gets disrupted when you can't find what you need when you need it, when you're in transitions and things are chaotic. So having fewer things definitely makes that easier. It makes the whole family happier because there's less disruptions.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Yeah, I mean, you said it exactly. You hit the nail on the head that if there are not water bottles falling out of the cupboard when you're trying to reach in to grab the one water bottle you actually use, you know, your whole day is gonna go much smoother. So it is just about removing all that noise, all that extra stuff. So you just have what you need and what you actually use. And it's that you're the organization, it doesn't have to be perfect. It's not about perfection, it's about making your life easier. So systems that make your life easier, everyone knowing where the water bottles live so you can find it when you need it, where they go back to um, it's just like everyone can be on the same page and function, you know, and make their lives easier.

Gillian 26:53

Yeah. Yeah. And then allowing our kids, especially, to understand that they're allowed to say no, thank you when somebody's offering them a free water bottle at a race or something like that. Like I find that's the challenge. We are those people, we open our cupboard and water bottles come falling out on our head. And we're always getting rid of them. We don't like to throw things away, so we try to donate, but it's like they just keep coming through the door somehow. And uh, and then you're stuck with this guilt of like, okay, I don't want to throw this away, that's wasteful. Should I give it away? Should I donate it? It's just this constant kind of stress that we're we're dealing with because this stuff is just flowing. So I don't know if as a community, as a society, we can do a little better at less is more. Um, that would be kind of stopping it at an earlier point, but we have to have conversations like this to get there.

SPEAKER_02 27:45

Yeah. No more free water bottles.

Gillian 27:48

No more dollar store stuff that uh just stresses parents out.

Where To Start Without Overwhelm

SPEAKER_02 27:53

I was gonna add too, I think with your kids, especially if they're young, just setting up those systems that then they can feel some autonomy too. They know where stuff goes, they know where to find things, like having the snack drawer nice and low in the pantry or the kitchen, and having their cups and plates and things at a level where they can reach them. And you're teaching them these life skills of you want to drink water? Like, yes, you can get it yourself because you know where the cups are, you can reach them, you can do it and empowering your kids. And in their playroom, when you have systems set up, it's clear the dinosaurs go in this basket and the magnetiles go in this spot. And when you ask them to clean up, you just tell them, you say, Hey, do you want to be on dinosaurs? You want to be on magnetiles? And they understand it's a very simple thing that the dinosaurs go in this basket. When a playroom or their bedroom is just a total wreck, and you say, clean up, clean up your room, they don't know what that means. And when you, you know, you have to make it very specific and set up where the stuff is supposed to go if you're ever gonna have the expectation that then you can teach them how to do it.

Gillian 29:00

Right, right. So on that note, Amy, for parents who feel constantly overwhelmed, where do you recommend starting so the process feels calmer rather than overwhelming? Like for the parents who are listening right now and they're like, oh my gosh, I don't even know where to start. I love all this advice, but holy heck, I need to, I need to hire Amy to feel like I can start anywhere. Like for the parent who just doesn't know where to start with that big pile of stuff that seems to be in every room, what would you recommend? Where would you recommend starting first?

SPEAKER_02 29:32

I think really prioritize. So think about either the space that stresses you out the most, or is it a part of your day? So is it like the morning routine is super chaotic? So, first, like set your intention of what is driving you the most crazy and start there. Don't start with like, oh, the basement needs to be organized because I have keepsakes from my childhood. Like, that's really honestly not important on the daily. So do something that's kind of high traffic, high impact that you'll then feel the benefits of. And so, say that's like toys in your living room. The first place you need to start with any organizing project, any decluttering project is simply literally put your blinders on and just look for categories. So I'm gonna sort all the things in my living room. Here are the magnetiles, here are the magazines, here are the books, and you're just sorting it by what it is. Don't make any judgment calls about what's gonna happen with those things, just sort it into piles. And then once you've sorted everything, then you can make decisions. Okay, the books are actually supposed to go upstairs. So that's a relocate thing of these toys, like whatever toy categories you have. Then you can start those decluttering decisions. You know, what's staying in this room to be easy access and play with? What should be donated? And then once you kind of decided what, where everything's going of the things that are then left, then we contain them, organize them, label them. That piece comes last. So so often the temptation is just, I'm gonna get organized. I'm gonna buy all the bins and baskets. But just putting all this stuff into bins and baskets is not gonna make you feel organized and it's not gonna be sustainable. So, first step is always just whether you're doing one drawer or you're doing a room, you need to sort into categories and make it not emotional, just categories.

Gillian 31:36

That's a great idea. That's that's a great idea. I love the uh, I don't know, the simplicity of just getting it all into their own piles or spaces. And then you can go through and be like, okay, do we need all of these dinosaurs? Like you said, do we need all of these books? Can we get rid of some of them? When you look at the whole pile, you're like, okay, let's be realistic here. How many of these are we gonna play with at the same at the same time? Maybe we can gift these to either cousins or friends or donate them. It makes it a little more manageable to start to let go of stuff when you see all of it together.

SPEAKER_02 32:09

Exactly. That's exactly so. I always give the example of like if you're going through your winter coats, you need to pull out all your coats from your closet, from your hull closet, from the attic, put them all together because when you see the whole spectrum of all 20 coats, you know right away which ones are the ones you wear all the time, which ones do you love. And then there's the ones that you like forgot you even had. So when you see that full spectrum of the items or that category, it makes it much easier to make a decision about them.

Navigating Guilt And Sentimental Items

Gillian 32:38

Right. Oh, we love that. One of the one of the things that I wanted to share that seems to be working with our family is having sacred spaces that we have just agreed we're gonna keep these spaces tidy. And those spaces for us are we try to keep our kitchen clean. My goodness, the island is just a magnet for stuff, no matter how much I try to keep it cleared off. It's a magnet. But we have the the kitchen, the dining room, the living room. And those are the spaces that we try to keep organized regularly, just so we have a space where we can go and just feel like we can be calm and such. So the way that we do that is after dinner on most evenings, obviously, we have activities and stuff going on too, but we try to do something. One of my friends named it a walkabout, and all of the kids have to go and walk through that space. And their job is to pick up every item that belongs to them and put it back in its home. That has become so helpful because instead of after putting them to bed, me coming downstairs and picking up all of the stuff that doesn't belong to me and I'm ending my day feeling stressed and frustrated, the kids are responsible for their own stuff. And if you want to be a real mean parent, you can tell them if I find your stuff, I'm gonna put it in a garbage bag and we're going to keep it in there till the end of the month, and you have to earn it back. That's that's something that one of my friends has done as well. And we've tried a couple of times because they need to learn how to be responsible and to care for the things that they have. So it's one small way to do that. That's that's been helpful for us, kind of at least organizing our space at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_02 34:07

I love that. Yeah, it's the accountability because I mean, nothing's worse than the kids just being, where did you put my X, Y, and Z? And you're having that argument about like, well, if it was that important to you, you should have put it in your room. And yes, yes. So also I just love the idea of feeling like the rest of the house could be a wreck, but at least you have those three sacred spaces where those are like where you're relaxing, where you're eating dinner together and like finding that calm.

Gillian 34:33

Yeah, yeah. We do our best. Obviously, it's not perfect. They're also they're often areas of chaos as well, but that that's something that we tried to commit to. So I'd love to shift into something that I know a lot of people are probably thinking about right now. What about what about the emotional part of purging and letting stuff go? The guilt we feel about letting stuff go because of the nostalgia or the obligation that we feel to keep stuff because it was gifted to us by so-and-so, and we don't want to be rude. How do you help people move through this type of shame without feeling too guilty?

SPEAKER_02 35:12

Yeah, it's overwhelming at times, for sure, for people. And I mean, I have a list of a million questions in my head that we go through with people to really walk them through the decision because it's not the same in every case. It is sometimes guilt that you spent money on it, or you know, that it was from someone that passed, or um, so it's there's always layers to it, and it's different for every person for like why they struggle with letting go of things. So I will say uh it's funny because a friend reached out to me recently and she was like, I just like I feel guilty that I well, this was actually a two-part thing, very interesting. She said, I feel guilty getting rid of this thing because I'm scared that something bad is gonna happen if I get rid of it, almost like a superstition. Like, I'm gonna get rid of my kid's like baby blanket, and then like something bad's gonna happen. And I was like, wow, that's a new one. I've actually never heard that before. But the second part of that was that I said, Do you have a keepsake bin or like a keepsake tote or something for your son, you know, to keep his special items? Or and one of the other things was for her husband. And I said, Do you each have like a keepsake spot? And she said, No. And I was like, Oh, like I don't preach that you should just be throwing everything away that is keepsake worthy or sentimental to you. And she's like, Oh, that's a great idea. I should start that system. It's like, yes, because you don't have to get rid of his baby blanket. Like, put that in a special box where you want to keep this and remember it. So um give yourself permission to keep some things if they are important to you. I always say you can keep anything, but you can't keep everything. Yeah. So let's like focus on what is important to you. If you love shoes, then girl, fine, keep your shoes. Like, that's great. But you also don't get to have like every kitchen utensil ever invented in your kitchen if that's like not important to you. So really think through like what is valuable to me and is it adding value to my life? And give yourself permission to enjoy things and you know, fill your space with things that you love. But also, are you properly displaying those things? Like if it is so important to you, if it is really sentimental, why not display it? Don't just shove it in your basement and cardboard box and then tell me that it's super important to you. So there's so many facets of this conversation. This could probably be a whole nother episode of how you work through that psychology of really making those decisions.

Values, Gifts, And Gentle Boundaries

Gillian 38:07

Yeah, it's tricky when it's emotional like that. Something that we do at Soleil Health and Wellness is we start with helping people understand their values. And I've learned recently that, you know, it's it's so important to talk to your kids about the values of your home, the values of your household, because then you can say things like when you're out at a store or whatever and they're wanting to buy something, you can say, our family doesn't value that. You know, like we prefer to spend our money shaming them and saying we don't have money for that. You know, you're being selfish by asking, that doesn't really work. But when you when you use that shift in wording or mindset and you say we don't value that, we do value these things here, and we prefer to save our money for these things over here, then it helps them to understand that they're actually contributing to those values by you know take making that shift themselves and coming back to the values of the family. So it's just one way to kind of uh have that perspective and also the importance of intention, the importance of being intentional about the things that you keep. Like you said, you can keep things, but you can't keep all things. But if you're intentional about the things that you do choose to keep, then you're looking for ways to either, I don't know, like you said, share them with people by having them displayed or having them on the coffee table instead of in a box in the basement. So it just forces you to think through all of these items. So I'd like to kind of shift to a sileo lens with this topic. When homes are simpler, what do families tend to gain more time and energy for? Like I know how much time I've said this to my husband so many times. I am a stuff mover. I spend so much of my life moving stuff around. It feels uh it it feels almost sinful. I'm spending so much of my time just moving items around. When you have less in your space, what do you notice people and families have more time for?

SPEAKER_02 40:10

I think then cleaning doesn't become like this huge big thing, um, you know, on the daily, um, like as a daily routine, cleaning wouldn't take as long theoretically. To pick up the playroom isn't as big of a job. So just the amount of time that you spend maintaining your home, I think you really need to stop and think about how, if I don't like doing that, then how do I change that? How do I make it easier to maintain? And I don't need to like clean and maintain all of these items. And I just think that I mean, I am not I am not as minimalist as I would like to be. I would like to be even more minimal in my belongings. And I would love to say that I just, you know, have time to do all these other things like travel and everything because I, you know, own less and spend less on things. I think that's aspirational for me and for many people. Yeah. But I think if we can just move the needle a little bit, like you said, even just when we consume more things with your kids, like think about do I want to spend money on this? Or do we want to put those dollars towards a travel fund for our next vacation?

The Core Reframe: Space Or Stuff

Gillian 41:29

And yeah, just shifting the perspective. It's it's so important. And and seeing like simplicity as something that isn't a deprivation. I feel like that's what we do, right? If we don't have stuff, if we don't have like the playrooms full of stuff or the kitchen's full of stuff, or you know, the the closet full of stuff. We have kind of been programmed to feel like we are deprived, but it's actually the opposite. You're deprived of time and space to be creative and do what you love and the things that matter most when you have so many things jam-packed in every space of your life. That's that's the deprivation. So it's really just making that mindset shift and really prioritizing peace and presence and connection more than the stock because that's ultimately what we're seeking. When we buy the stuff, we're we're seeking connection, right? And we're we're seeking all of these things that actually don't fill that void when we bring them into our space.

SPEAKER_02 42:34

I think it's helpful to understand people's love languages. And I don't know if you've maybe read the book about the love languages and stuff.

Gillian 42:42

By Gary Campbell, yeah. That's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 42:46

Like knowing that my one son does seem to have gifts as his love language, it really changes how I kind of approach stuff with him versus my other kids. And then also with people that want to give you things constantly, the mothers, the aunts, the mother-in-laws. I think knowing that if that's their love language and they want to give you gifts, it's not worth like straining a relationship over, in my opinion, to put a total block on that, which believe me, I tried to at the beginning with my mother-in-law. And then I realized that it's like it's important to her to give the gifts. So I have different ways of kind of dealing with that now and coping with that. But just try to be empathetic at the same time to not be like so, like you said, the mean mom or something. Because we have to still live our lives in balance. But I think just also knowing that if that's something you're striving for and you need to verbalize to these people in your life that that's important to you. And we're working on this as a family, um, you know, have that conversation. I think it's becoming a little less taboo.

Gillian 44:02

Yeah, agreed. Agreed. And maybe just suggesting contributing to those experienced gifts. Like, why don't you take the some the kids somewhere for the day or you know, contribute financially to a lesson or a camp that they want to be a part of? There's there's different ways to approach gift giving, but you're right. You can't deprive people of their love language, which is so important, right? So, Amy, if you could leave the listeners with one one reframe about decluttering that supports both the home and the heart, what would it be? What have you noticed is the most important thing?

SPEAKER_02 44:38

My gut reaction is to say what I say to a lot of my clients, which is, do you want the space or do you want the stuff? And sometimes the answer is that you want the stuff and it is important to you or you need it. But other times, and a lot of times when clients come to me, it's that they're craving the space and they want time back and they want room to breathe in their in their homes. Um and they want that white space. So it's yeah, it all fundamentally in my job comes down to that. Right. And I also just want to emphasize again that the most important part of feeling like your house is organized is simply starting with the decluttering and having less to maintain and less to um to contain um is kind of the easiest way to approach it.

Gillian 45:36

Yeah. Yeah. That's great advice, Amy. This was such an awesome conversation. I am definitely taking away a lot myself. And this is, I will admit, this is a constant struggle in our household. And I feel like I am on it. I don't feel like we buy a lot of stuff and um we try to be as minimalist as possible, but it's amazing how the stuff just shows up. So you gotta have a plan for it and the systems, right? And I think that's what um this conversation is all about. So thank you so much. And I would love to give you an opportunity just to share a little bit about your services and where people can find you and learn more about you.

Closing Reflections And Resources

SPEAKER_02 46:16

Thank you. Yeah, it was this was an awesome conversation, and it's reminding me of some of my fundamental principles and things I want to focus on for this year, too, because it is easy to kind of let these things slide and get overwhelming. And all of a sudden, like you said, we're not aligned with our values and um, it doesn't feel good. So people can find me on my website at simplifybuffalo.com, also on Instagram at Simplify Buffalo, all one word. Um, I post a lot of before and after transformations of spaces we've worked on, tips, tricks, all the things. So those are the two best places to find me.

Gillian 46:57

Wonderful. And I will link those in the show notes so people can find you, Amy. And uh for the people who are in the Buffalo area, I know this conversation is going to be so helpful for them. So if you um want to reach out to Amy, go ahead. She has some sound advice, and it sounds like she's seen a few homes and has helped a lot of people break through this challenge that I would say all of us deal with. So we appreciate you, Amy, and thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me again. What I love about this conversation is the reminder that stillness doesn't come from adding more. It comes from making space. When we simplify our homes, we're not just organizing shelves or closets. We're gently removing excess so calm, clarity, and connection have somewhere to land. Amy's work is such a beautiful example of how simplicity can support families not just practically, but emotionally and relationally as well. If today's episode stirred something in you, maybe a desire for less or a longing for more ease, trust that nudge. You don't have to overhaul everything at once. Sometimes stillness begins with one small act of letting go. Thank you for being here and for choosing presence in a world that so often pulls us in the opposite direction. Until next time, be still and live. Thank you for listening to Be Still and Live. As always, my hope is that this conversation offered you a little more space. Space to breathe, to listen, and to come home to what matters most. If this episode resonated with you, I invite you to subscribe to the show and consider sharing it with someone who could use a little more space or clarity right now. That simple act helps this work reach the people who need it most. If you're ready for a gentle next step, you can begin with Fog2 Freedom in the show notes or at Saleocoaching.com. Until next time, be still and live.

SPEAKER_00 48:59

This podcast is produced, mixed, and edited by Cardinal Studio. For more information about how to start your own podcast, please visit www.cardinalstudio.co or email Mike at mike at cardinalstudio.co. You can also find the details in the show notes.