#24: Create More, Consume Less: Reclaim Creativity Through Stillness and Boredom with Devorah Brinckerhoff

Your days can be packed and still feel oddly empty. That’s the paradox we sit with today: we live in a world that constantly asks us to consume, but rarely invites us to create. When we lose our connection to creativity, we don’t just drop a hobby, we lose access to a part of ourselves that knows how to heal, adapt, and feel alive.

I’m joined by Devorah Brinckerhoff, a mixed media artist and transformational guide behind Soul Portraits, a healing methodology that uses art as a pathway back to authenticity. Together we talk about why creativity isn’t reserved for “artistic” people, how constant scrolling and oversaturation disconnect us from our inner wisdom, and what can happen when we finally slow down. We unpack the fear many of us feel around silence and stillness, and how creative practice can dissolve limiting beliefs, loosen false identities, and rebuild self-trust from the inside out.

We also go deep on the sacredness of boredom, especially for children. Overscheduling, screens, and performance pressure can steal the very conditions kids need for imagination, resilience, and healthy risk-taking. We share practical ways to protect unstructured time, create a contained space for mess, and invite creativity into everyday rhythms like cooking, movement, and home life. If you’ve ever said “I’m not creative” or you feel over-stimulated and disconnected, this conversation offers a gentle, grounded way back.

Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs more space, and leave a review so more people can find their way from noise to stillness.

Connect with Devorah:

Instagram: @devorahbrinckerhoff   @dhakeart

Facebook: Devorah Hake Brinckerhoff & Soul Portraits & Devorah Brinskerhoff Art

TikTok: @soulportrait.art

Linkedin: Devorah Hake Brinckerhoff

https://soulportrait.art/workshop/

https://soulportrait.art/innervoice/

https://soulportrait.art/course/

New here? Start with episodes 1-3: “Take Back Your Life”, "From Hustle to Healing",  and “5 to Thrive.” 

*Start Fog to Freedom Here*

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts
If this conversation brings you a breath of calm, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a quick review to help others find their own rhythm to thrive. Your feedback helps me reach more people who need this message too.

It’s easy - just click here, scroll to the bottom, tap those five stars, and hit “Write a Review.” I’d love to know what resonated most with you in this episode!
And don’t forget to hit that follow button if you haven’t already! There’s plenty more coming your way - practical tips, inspiring stories, and tools to help you live a life you love. You won’t want to miss out!

Let's Connect on Instagram
sileocoaching.com
Free Guided Fog to Freedom Meditation ...

Transcript

Creativity As Identity And Freedom

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Yeah. And I would go further to say is that we in creative practice we dissolve all of the limiting beliefs. We dissolve the false identity. We dissolve this idea that we're just who we like, what we do, who we're partnered with, how many children we have, the bank account, like whatever it is.

Leaving Galleries To Build Community

Gillian 0:22

If your days feel full, but your heart longs for more meaning, you're not alone. Between the screens, the schedules, and the never-ending noise, it's easy to lose your sense of peace. But what if the way forward isn't found in doing more, but in learning to slow down, to simplify, to be still. Welcome to Be Still and Live, a podcast for individuals, couples, and families longing for calm, connection, and a more meaningful way to live. I'm Gillian, speaker, coach, and founder of Sileo Health and Wellness, and I'm here to help you create space for stillness and step into a life that feels whole and good again. Today's conversation feels especially important. I don't think we need reminding that we live in a world that is constantly asking us to consume. Consume content, opinions, noise, and we're constantly in the cycle of scrolling, watching, reacting, and repeating. But very rarely are we invited to create. And when we lose our connection to creativity, we don't just lose a hobby, we lose a part of ourselves. Today I'm sitting down with Devorah Brinkerhoff, a mixed media artist and transformational guide and the creator of Soul Portraits, a healing methodology that uses creativity as a pathway back to authenticity. We talk about something I think is deeply counter-cultural right now, but so necessary. We talk about the sacredness of boredom, especially for our children, the importance of slowing down enough to create, and why creativity isn't reserved for artistic people, it's actually a birthright and something every single one of us can benefit from. We explore how constant consumption disconnects us from our inner wisdom, how creativity helps us shed false identities that no longer serve us, and why giving our children space to imagine, build, experiment, and even fail is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. The gift of growing, the gift of becoming resilient. This conversation is about healing. It's about our identity and it's about reclaiming the parts of ourselves that got buried under performance, productivity, and noise. If you've ever said to yourself, I'm just not creative, or if you've noticed how uncomfortable boredom or silence feels, this episode is for you. Let's begin. Hi, Deborah. Welcome to Be Still and Live. I'm so happy to have you here today. I'm so happy to be here, Gillian. Thanks. I'm excited to have this conversation. I wanted to start, Deborah, by um just giving you some time to share your story and what brought you to where you are today.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

Very broad. I have always been drawing and painting. That was my first language, it was visual. Um, and it's where I feel most comfortable. So I went down a fairly traditional path. I went to art school and then got into galleries and had shows um regularly across the country. And for whatever reason, in 2019, it just not really for whatever reason. I think I have some ideas about why, but in 2019, I decided to leave all the galleries and uh develop stronger relationships with the people who were resonating with my work and and really wanting to build community around creativity.

Gillian 4:19

I love that. And I feel like it's so important right now. People are just yearning for community. And if you can create that community around something as beautiful as art, I feel like the potential is endless.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Yeah, it's a great platform, creativity and art in general. What I found is that when people who came into my studio who resonated with the work, it was a platform for sharing stories and what comes alive in one another as we respond so differently to the same piece of artwork. And I was so fascinated with how it brought out what was real and true for others. And I love it. I think that's such a meaningful the intersection between who's creating and who's viewing. And I really love the stories that come out of that connection.

Consumption Culture And The Soul

Gillian 5:14

Oh my goodness. I I love that too. The fact that you're talking about stories. I think this is where we connect as humans. We don't want the facade. We don't want that perfect, you know, endpoint that people get to and how people express themselves online and through social media. I really do believe that we are yearning to understand people's deeper stories and what makes them human, what experiences they had through the highs and lows of life. And I've never really related that to art and creativity. So I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah, I think it's everywhere. Well, let's dig into that a little bit more. You've mentioned that your approach is grounded in the belief that our creative expression is a direct pathway to our soul's truth. Can you elaborate on that a little bit?

SPEAKER_02 6:00

Yeah, so creativity. Uh, I believe we're all creators. We come into this world, we come into our life and our bodies as natural creators. Everything is really creativity. Uh, and so we get trained out of it really early on in life in different ways. So, as young children, like we love collecting sticks and wildflowers and making forts and trees and mud pies, and all of it is creativity, it's imagination and play. So, to me, that play really is creative expression. And we we gravitate towards what feels best, what feels joyful, where we lose track of time until we end up with a a caregiver, a parent, friends, teachers who say, no, that's that's not good, or you need to do it this way. And and we get steered away from what we intuitively come in with. And so my mission really is talking to people to get back in touch with their own creative cord that dwells within all of us, no matter how that appears. So for me, it was very traditional, like drawing and painting, but it can be anything. And, you know, making your cup of coffee in the morning is creativity. And anything that is taking form from the formless is creativity. We are creating all the time.

Gillian 7:35

And we were created to create. I love that connection. It's a part of who we are, it's what separates us from the animal kingdom, right? Is our ability to create and to explore and to have that imagination.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

Yeah, and I even think that there isn't really a separation to the animal kingdom because they're creating nests and community and uh very much intertwined with everything in a way that we've lost touch with. And so I think creativity is about is really everywhere and in everything, even down to an amoeba. So I'm not a scientist, my mother is, and she would be able to talk about this. But I I really believe that that creativity and connection and a desire to be in community together is throughout life of all living things. And then you have to define what's living, and then it can get pretty weird for me because I'm like, everything's living.

Gillian 8:38

So I love that you said that though, because you you make a really important point that um even in the animal kingdom, like I'm just thinking of a spider's web, and I've watched on um National Geographics, the birds that try to impress each other with building the different nests and how they're creating and pulling different materials from the world around them. So yeah, it if if we just immerse ourselves in that mindset that it's everywhere and it's a part of who we are and the world that we live in, the created world around us, that it becomes more like flow. And maybe that's what we're missing is um we're getting stuck and we're preventing ourselves from not allowing ourselves to experience that beautiful flow that we were meant to experience.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

Yeah, absolutely, 100%.

Gillian 9:25

So on that note, I'd love to talk about the fact that we live in a world built for consumption. We live in a consumer world right now, scrolling, watching, reacting. What do you think constant consumption does to the soul?

SPEAKER_02 9:40

I think it eclipses it. I think it really pinches it into a very tight, confined space where we've lost track of a whole world, a whole language that dwells within us. Um, we're distracted. We're completely distracted from the soul's language. We don't even know how to listen any or how to begin to listen, how to invite the wisdom that that is our soul.

Gillian 10:13

I love that you said that because I feel like this is the importance of stillness and and intentionally creating that space for stillness in our world of noise, because that's where you're open to that that opportunity for creativity. I'm curious to know what happens internally when we consume far more than we create, because I feel like that's that is the norm now. We consume far more than we create, and we create, we have such little space for that creativity. And even when that space is available, we choose to fill it with consumption.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

Yeah. Because it's distraction and and we're okay, so the I think there's so much fear in the world right now, and the more fear there is, the more desire for distraction. And it's a vicious cycle that we don't stop, we don't slow down, and we're so afraid of what we'll find out if we become still. And the truth is, in my experience, is that when that stillness shows up, we really unlock freedom, we unlock who we really are. And the direction we take in life pivots to something that is aligned with our individual personality at this time versus trying to be somebody else's idea of what we should be. And so when we're still enough, we can actually hear okay, is this true for me? Is this right for me? It's not about getting still and discovering that we're some horrible, terrible being that's worthless and you know, should go away. I that's the fear, though, is that we'll find out something about ourselves that we don't like if we get quiet enough. But my experience is if we're quiet enough, we find out how much love there is inside of us.

Gillian 12:06

Oh, that's so beautiful. That's so beautiful. So to shift our mindset from fearing what we might stumble upon in that stillness, we actually are open to the idea that within that stillness, we might, we might actually stumble upon love and ways to share that love with the people around us.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

Yeah. And I would go further to say is that we in creative practice, we dissolve all of the limiting beliefs. We dissolve the false identity, we dissolve this idea that we're just who we like, what we do, who we're partnered with, how many children we have, the bank account, like whatever it is, like we get so focused on all of these external ideas of what success is that we forget who we really are. And that that internal, when we dissolve those things, it opens up possibility for what we can become rather than what we have been. And that's really the biggest part of I think of creative practice is that dissolving of what no longer serves you and becoming what really does serve you with more joy, with more bliss, with more connection, self-connection. It is always, it always starts with personal self-connection if you want to have other meaningful relationships.

Gillian 13:27

Right, right. And we are so disconnected from ourselves. Do you see a connection between anxiety, disconnection, and lack of creative expression?

Anxiety, Self-Trust, And False Identities

SPEAKER_02 13:38

And confusion and desperation and despair. And yes, absolutely, because we we're chasing the wrong things. We're we're going after an external definition of what life should look like. And it's so individual. It's absolutely per person what your life should look like. And I, the comparison narrative that we have going on on social media or in the world at large, everywhere, it's overwhelming to our system. And we can't begin to differentiate like where do I end and where does this other person or other experience begin? And if I tune out to what is out there and tune into what's in here, those answers start to unfold. And that changes, it's a game changer. It absolutely changes everything. And creative practice is one way without even having to identify, speak it, know it, understand it. It just happens. Like you were saying earlier, it just happens. It has a life of its own, it has an energy of its own, and it wants to be free to move the way it's going to move. But if we try and put it in boxes, I sort of think about it as the education system and what we do to our children. Like we're we're eclipsing the possibility and saying, no, you have to go down this one lane rather than take your winding path and back roads. You can go anywhere, follow yourself. Oh my gosh.

Gillian 15:11

I so resonate with what you're saying because that was me. I was that student. I was a brilliant artist in elementary school. And I remember going to high school and wanting to take art courses. And I was swayed away from it. Not from my parents. I don't know how involved they were with helping me choose my courses, but it was by my guidance counselors at the school because they were looking at what we see as success. And they're looking at how many credits I had available and how I was going to create space for these art classes that I wanted to take. And they pretty well said, you know, you don't, it's unlikely that you're going to make money from a career in art. And I remember that was the first time that that fear was imposed on me.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

Right.

Gillian 15:56

I started to fear following my heart. And I think that that you're onto something. It's not that my guidance counselors um wanted to deprive me of something that I loved. I think they were also fearing that they might um lead me down this path where I wouldn't be successful. Right. But what would it look like if we taught students within the education system to tune into their unique self, their unique gifts and talents, and taught them how to trust that because they have a unique place in the world? I think that that would be a complete shift in education that would allow students to step into who they are and who were who they were created to be.

SPEAKER_02 16:42

Absolutely. Yeah. We definitely, I would love to see that happen in everywhere. But yes, the education system for sure. What would happen to our world if we let people follow their heart, right? That's that's the biggest thing that's missing. And we do, we live, most of us live from a place of fear, worry, and doubt, whether it's money or physical personal safety. You know, if you're coming from that place, there's very little chance of clarity.

Gillian 17:11

It's anxiety-inducing. It really is. I have to say, I I am constantly trying to rewire my own brain and same with my husband. We both value creativity, the arts, music. And we have one daughter, daughter in particular. All of our kids are very creative because we try to encourage it in our home, but our daughter is just creating nonstop. And I'm telling you, it's messy. This is, I think this is why we don't have we don't encourage it in the education system because you can't control it. I mean, she has little little piles of arts and crafts all over the house. And some days it just drives me crazy because I'm like, would you pick up after yourself? But her brain is just constantly in that creative mode. She sees something and she sees what she can create from it. And, you know, her imagination just goes wild. So we're trying to strike that balance of encouraging that and not snuffing it out, but also teaching her, okay, well, let's keep your art supplies organized and maybe we can do art on this desk over here so it all stays contained and you can find your things when you need it. So I'm trying to release that control. I don't know if you have any advice for me, but we're trying to strike a balance with her and um really encourage all of our kids to continue going that down that creative path.

SPEAKER_02 18:28

Well, I think that, you know, creativity can have a designated space, right? And within that space, there is no limit, but the limit is just like it doesn't leave this room or this container. Uh, I would track paint all over the house and every single piece of clothing and all over the rugs and the countertop and the doors and the floors and in the cars. And so that is not uh considerate for all of the other people that that we live together, right? And so, and currently right now we're renting a house, and so that's absolutely not an option. But creativity can exist within limitations, so you're not you're not snuffing anything out by saying uh this can happen and let's have it happen here. And within this space, you can do whatever you want. I I was a huge proponent of letting my kids draw and paint on the walls because it just felt like a giant mural to me. And I can paint over anything at any time, but I loved the progression of like learning letters and numbers and drawings and stick figures and just seeing their evolution as little humans and what would go on, especially at night when they're going to sleep. And I have one daughter who just wrote to the number four as a way to soothe, right? It's sort of like counting sheep, but it was her own little it was her own little ritual, and I just think it's very sweet. And anyhow, so I love creative freedom and I think you're doing a fabulous job.

Gillian 20:02

Well, well, thank you. We're always doubting ourselves and always trying to strike a balance. So we'll just we'll just be encouraged by that comment and hope it all. I mean, we just we don't want to deprive our children of these creative outlets. And you know, she has a dream of being an artist, and we think that's the most beautiful thing. And you know, we have this, we're choosing this mindset of abundance. Go and be an artist, yeah, and everything will be okay. Yeah, because if you were created to be an artist, then you will have everything you need to do so.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

Absolutely. Um and there is no one right way to create, and so those early messages of comparing your like who gets to choose which drawing gets put up on the wall as quote unquote the best, like that starts so young and it makes people doubt their creative voice. And it and they're like, oh, that doesn't feel good because it feels so good to actually make something and then to have that making judged as right or wrong, good or bad, um, favorite, quote unquote, last picked or not picked at all. Like I that internal messaging is so painful because it's really vulnerable and it is following your heart. And then if there's an external determination of value put on it, then we shut down. We shut down really easily and quickly. And that happens more often than not. And so then it becomes this well, who's lucky enough to be part of the select few who get to call this their career? And I'm just like, well, that's ridiculous, right? Any if you're making something, which you're making all the time, you're already an artist. How do you follow that in a way that allows you to support yourself and put your heart into the world because we need more heart, not more, I don't know what, I don't even know what to call the world right now.

Boredom, Screens, And Resilient Kids

Gillian 21:56

We're stuck in our heads. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. In that fear-based approach. Yeah. Oh, I so agree with you. I I would love now that we're kind of talking about children, I want to discuss this opportunity that we could create for our kids just by allowing them to be bored, because that's something that is big right now. Like our kids don't have space to be bored. They're overscheduled. And, you know, anytime that they are home, there's often a screen accessible to them. And kids are going to choose the screen over a painting 95% of the time, if not all the time, because they're stimulated. They're getting that dopamine hit, that quick dopamine hit. And I'm not sure, you know, obviously, creativity has all of its perks and you have that kind of long-term dopamine hit. But um, I think they're always going to choose the screens. And we see this as adults too. I mean, I'm pointing to kids, but we don't create that space for boredom in our own lives. When we have these opportunities to have space, we sit down and we scroll or we turn on the TV or whatever it looks like. So you've spoken about creativity as something that emerges from the quiet and from stillness. What role does boredom play in awakening creativity?

SPEAKER_02 23:09

I think boredom allows us to be like, oh, what can I do? Right. So I'm bored. I don't know how to sit still. I don't like this feeling. So I want to avoid it. I want to distract away from it. But what would happen if it if I can be with what's here and see what my where my mind goes. And it's hard, right? Because in that moment we can start perseverating on some kind of anxiety, or we can redirect it to what can I do with my space and time right now. And and so of course it's hard to go and sit with the possibility of anxiety, but there's another possibility in that stillness. And again, it's up to us to choose it, to not fall into a well of worry, fear, or doubt, but to say, well, what else is possible? And what can I create? And what can I imagine that is good and the highest joyous version of myself? So what is what is possible from a lens of goodness rather from a lens of anxiety? And and that's a choice, right? But if if kids or even adults feel like when they drop into stillness, they only have anxiety available to them. There, of course, and I don't blame anybody for I I'm I'm the same way if I'm having a bad day. I'm like, oh, I cannot sit in this feeling of anxiety, but to to take a breath and be with it, because those feelings, if we're not feeding them, really do move through us. But it's key to know how to feed a different lens, how to water a more positive garden. And I never want people to bypass their emotions, and especially not the difficult ones. So what you're talking about is really, really tricky. And it it opens up like a huge um, there are so many different avenues to talk about what to do with stillness. And, you know, when I was growing up, there was none of this. So no screens. We had three channels, and one of them was pure fuzz. And my parents worked. We walked home from school. I got lost in the woods so many times, right? Trying to get home as a six and seven-year-old. So there's a lot of fear and anxiety that was there, but there was something else because I found my way home and I had to deal with moving through that fear and taking care of it myself. And so, what happens when we give ourselves a chance to be bored, to be afraid? We're like, oh, actually, I'm strong enough, I can handle this and I'm learning something here. So it it builds this kind of resiliency if we let it happen. But there is discomfort there. And to me, discomfort is part of being human and it's it's it's wholeness, right? We're not just success, we're not just pretty, we're not just fancy clothes, we're not just the curated room or coffee or breakfast or whatever it is. Like we have so much more to us than just the good stuff. So letting it all be there creates a rich and whole person, and we are whole, but if we're only accepting what we like about ourselves, then we're excluding half of who we are. And it doesn't have to be half, right? But we have an in-breath and an out-breath. So we have to have both. Right. And everything in between.

Gillian 26:58

Yeah, yeah. And really encouraging this and embracing it in spaces like the education system and you know, the corporate worlds where we're seeing this whole person here. And when we support the whole person, we're actually going to get the best version of that person, person. They're going to be healthy and well and be able to contribute to society in the best ways possible. Yeah. Instead of being so black and white about it. I'd like to talk a little bit more about what we are taking from our children by eliminating boredom. I mean, just the over-scheduling alone of sports and activities. We feel like we're doing so much good for our kids by having them involved with everything under the sun. But what are we depriving them of by taking away that boredom?

SPEAKER_02 27:44

Well, I believe that we're depriving them of knowing who they are. Like, why are we scheduling them in the first place? It's a means to an end. So if you're playing soccer forever and it looks great on your college application, or you started violin at the age of four, or all of these extracurricular activities, what is it for? Like, why? Is it because we're following, like, I love playing the violin? Soccer feels like creativity. Great, let's follow that. But if it's for looking good on a college application, you're not letting them be children, you're not letting them with boredom. Yeah. Well, they don't know. Like in boredom, if we really allow boredom, which maybe is a more direct way to answer your question, then we have possibility. Like it's just like, who are we in the boredom? Who do we become? That's information about what makes you light up, right? But we need the boredom in order to know what's fun. So if you can do anything and you have nobody scheduling you and it's really, really dreary, what do you do? Like, do you still go for a walk in the rain? Then you find out you love the rain. Yeah. Or right? So or that you're not gonna melt. Or right. And so who do you become in the boredom? Is the question.

Fog To Freedom Guided Reset

Gillian 29:04

Before we continue, I want to offer you a quiet pause. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, mentally cluttered, or like your mind never truly rests, I'd like to invite you into a quiet reset. Fog to Freedom is a simple grounding exercise designed to help you slow down, release the mental load, and reset. There's no fixing and no pressure, just a quiet pause. So clarity can return and your nervous system can settle. Many people describe feeling lighter, calmer, and more clear after just a few minutes. And it's something you can return to anytime the noise starts to build. If your soul is asking for space, you're warmly invited to begin with Fog to Freedom. You'll find it linked in the show notes or at Solecoaching.com. Come exactly as you are and offer yourself the gift of space and clarity. Thank you for taking that pause. Now let's return to the conversation. Yeah, yeah, I just think about generations before us. I mean, my husband's Grammy, when he asked her what her favorite toy was growing up, she said, I had one doll. And going to my grandparents on my dad's side, they had this one box of toys for the grandkids to play with. And those were the toys that my dad played with. It was a little box of trucks and trains. And that was all they had. But they spent most of their time outside building forts, exploring, riding their bikes, socializing, having fun, taking risks and realizing how resilient they are. And I think that's what we're depriving kids of. And you you spoke about this over-scheduling and you know, why are we doing it? I've asked myself this. We have four kids. And I very learned very early on with four children, you have to keep life simple or we're all going to lose ourselves. We'll have no family time. So we learn very early on how to protect that family time. And um I really do believe that the over-scheduling sometimes comes from a sense of fear. We we want our kids to be successful. And when we are plugging into what the world says is important, we're going to believe that the more scheduled our kids are, the more successful they're going to be, the more opportunities we're creating. But I find that when that's imposed on kids, like you said, you're not giving them space to really understand who they are. And it's a slippery slope because they may love, they may love what they're doing. It may be who they are, they may be self-motivated to pursue something outside of, you know, the home, another identity that they have. That's a good thing. But it's when we layer on several other activities that prevent them to from having the space to of seeing what else they have to offer and and what other areas in their life they might want to get curious about and learn about.

Overscheduling And Losing Inner Knowing

SPEAKER_02 31:57

I think the other sort of side effect of overscheduling is that in not knowing what they like and who they really are, we impose a lot of um so then somebody else knows what's right for us, right? And we lose trust in our own knowing. We lose trust in our navigation system for what works for us. And then, and then it's it re it reinforces fear. So yeah, and and what is success? So we have this really narrow definition of what success is, and if everybody's being like led down this path, it's very, it's very limiting, right? And and I think that kids, especially who feel like they don't fit in. So if somebody's great with math and they love math and that's their form of creativity and they want to become an investor or an accountant or you know, a musician with with math, I think a lot of it is math. I don't know. Um, a lot of my kids play instruments and I'm always like, is that math? Because they also don't like math. But I'm like, isn't it math? Anyhow, yeah, there's and then it's like I don't trust myself to know what's good for me. And I and my parents are telling me what I need to do so that I have success in the world that also doesn't feel like it really matches me. Um so who do we become? We and so there's all this pressure to suppress ourselves and uh perform. So performance, I think, is a killer for the soul, just 100% snuffs it out. It's still there, but we really lose sight of it if if it all becomes about performance and appearance and what looks good, and the stickers where they're like on the back of cars that say my son or daughter is an honor student did blah blah blah. I'm like, okay, right? So so what does that give us?

Gillian 33:54

Right. Yeah, and it's your identity. And I think that's maybe why we do it because we're searching for our own identity still. So then we try to find it through our own kids, and um, sometimes that can be a little disastrous.

SPEAKER_02 34:05

It's a lot, it's a lot of pressure, it's a lot of pressure. There's too much pressure, and the pressure really it dissolves self-connection and it takes all of our power away. Yeah. So then we're just it's the performance, right?

Gillian 34:18

Yeah, yeah. I think it is brilliant what you just said about losing our inner knowing. And that is essentially what what I'm trying to um share through the message of Soleo. And it's why I started it because I realized that I was deprived of my own inner knowing. I stopped trusting myself and I was outsourcing my own knowing, which is so easy to do today because we have this oversaturation of information. No matter what question you ask on the internet and AI, you're gonna get a hundred different competing messages about what you're supposed to do. And I honestly think that that is causing this anxiety, this deep depression, because we've lost that connection with ourselves. Instead of stepping into stillness and reflecting, okay, what has my life experienced been so far? What have I discovered through my own, you know, journey? What how can I use that information to find this um answer myself? Instead of doing that, we're outsourcing it now to artificial intelligence. And I really believe this is such a slippery slope because that inner knowing is so important. It helps us to understand who we are and helps us to move in a direction that that allows us to grow rather than you know, snuffing out who we are and and the uniqueness that we're supposed to be bringing to the world.

SPEAKER_02 35:43

Yeah. Uh our inner knowing is like a North Star. And if we're outsourcing everything, we just get really lost and confused. And then it's a vicious cycle because the more lost and confused we are, the more we outsource, and the more lost and confused we get. So it's a vicious cycle that just feeds itself. And it's really, really complicated uh the world out there. And so to be able to take a breath, to tune it out and to connect back with ourselves because we have our own answers, but we must give ourselves time and that stillness to be able to differentiate what is not for me and what is for me. And only we know. So, but people don't trust themselves, and that starts really young, and so it all feeds in together. It's that how do we build self-trust and how do we keep listening to what's true for ourselves versus what somebody else thinks is true for us, right?

Gillian 36:38

Right. My personal experience has been connecting to to God more, to my creator, and allowing that to be really revealed through that relationship and not through necessarily the the constraints of religion, but through a true relationship with my creator. And the more I tune into that and understand that that my inner knowing is created, is is develops by having that relationship with God, with my creator, that's when things become more clear because you're no longer listening to the voices, you know, outside of yourself. You're tuning into, you know, what exactly you are called to do? What is going to allow you to feel like you're thriving, like you're, you know, experiencing joy in your life.

SPEAKER_02 37:27

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Gillian 37:31

Um, let's talk about creativity versus productivity. And we you touched on this a little bit. There is a bit of a difference there. Like I grew up in a very Dutch um household where my parents were very productive, but they were also very creative. I'm I still have my dad, is still this way. If we're having guests over, he will take the time to landscape and manicure the entire property and he'll be sweeping the sidewalks perfectly um and before our guests show up. And you could say this is him being productive, but it was also his creative outlet. And I'd love to just touch on the different ways that we can be creative by also being productive, like with our meals and you know, like like spaces like our gardens and such where we're growing our own food.

SPEAKER_02 38:20

Yeah, exactly. Creativity is is everywhere when we're cooking or even grinding beans, right? So it's changing one thing to another thing, is the process of creativity. If you're moving your body, it's creativity. It doesn't have to be lasting, it doesn't have to stay frozen, it doesn't have to be hung on a wall or or put in a museum for other people to view. Creativity is in motion throughout our lives, throughout our days. And so whether it's the garden or singing in your kitchen, there's an expression of self, and that is creativity. So sweeping is for sure creative. I used to do it all the time in the studio that I had. It was a way for me to enter into the space and again, movement, because we get out of our head when we move into our body with movement. Like you have to coordinate yourself a little bit while you're clipping or sweeping or or doing whatever it is that you're or moving furniture in your home, right? There's there's creative expression in all of that. It doesn't have to be this lasting for anybody else thing. It can just be for you.

Gillian 39:34

Oh, that's I think that is so important to share because I feel like we've become so rigid and robotic in the way we live our lives. I describe it as flow. I I feel like there's times where I feel like I'm flowing with life and I I stop thinking about things. I drop into my heart and I start feeling things on a deep level. And I hear what you're saying like, how much more enjoyable would life be if you made cleaning your house creative? Yeah. How can I make this more fun? How can I, you know, derive more joy from what I could call a chore? And uh, I feel like there's just so many opportunities. I talk about this a lot in my coaching. Um, something as simple as movement. You talked about moving your body. I don't call it exercise, I call it movement. Like we were created to move. Moving makes us feel better in all ways. So instead of going online and looking for a rigid workout schedule or an exercise program, what if you just paused and took a step back and reflected on what you actually enjoy doing? Because there's a million different ways to move your body. So, why are you going to pigeonhole yourself into a very structured, systematic way of exercising that is only going to derive you of joy and it's going to be short term? Right. Instead, what if you what if you love dancing and you put on the music for your favorite playlist for 20 minutes a day and just danced? What if it's pickleball with a friend? What if it's, you know, going for a walk with your partner around the block every night just so you can watch the sunset and listen to the birds? It just, I feel like we've kind of deprived ourselves of these micro opportunities to feel joy by allowing creativity to kind of flow into all these different areas of our life.

SPEAKER_02 41:24

Yeah. I agree. And it's it's following that joy, right? Instead of somebody else's idea of what you should do. Again, it's that means to an end. If I if I go and I listen and I and I follow this routine that somebody else made for me, regardless of how it feels, I'm dismissing my own intuitive knowing and I'm following somebody else's lead. So you're right. What is it? Not that there's a right and wrong, because sometimes people want to learn about how to lift weights and all of that. But again, if you're following your own interest, curiosity, joy, I don't think you can go wrong. And the reward for following yourself is enormous, right? Like it is enormous. And other people's judgment falls away. You're just like, well, you get to think and feel and have whatever beliefs about me and about the world that you want, but it doesn't matter because I'm trusting my own knowing. And it's very powerful when we do that.

Soul Portraits And Mixed Media Healing

Gillian 42:22

Absolutely. I would love to hear a little bit more about what you're creating in your life right now. What type of art are you um allowing yourself to flow into and and how do you share that with the people in your community?

SPEAKER_02 42:38

So uh when I left the galleries and and really started engaging with my community, I had started in probably 2015 really using mixed media to tell my own story and to process my own trauma. And I was going through boxes and boxes of letters and photos and journal entries and you know, pressed leaves from Vermont. And I just started adding them to canvases. And what I realized is that I was disassembling and reassembling my own story. And I was taking the distorted version of myself and dissolving it. And by doing that, I I just moved all this energy out of me and I was able to open up space for who I really was, it changed everything, it unlocked freedom for me. I I was living in such a prison of my mind and feeling like such a failure, even though I had great success as an artist in my according to the outside world, I never felt successful. I never felt like it was enough. And because I was chasing some external idea of what success is. And so when I started. Doing and I had always painted for myself, right? Like I couldn't paint for other people if I tried, which was really lucky. Like I was stubborn that way. Um and it also made it so like not everyone related to my work, but the people who did relate to it were really searching for their own authenticity. And so my work was an invitation for their own genuine self to emerge, to say it is safe to be who you are in the world. And other people can have whatever experience they have. So when I started doing the mixed media for myself with a lot of intention and awareness around telling my story, letting my materials tell my story for me. So I didn't have to worry about am I saying it the right way? Is this accurate? Have I left anything out? I just let the materials do their thing. And looking back at that time, I was just really moving limiting beliefs and shame out of my life. And the over images were really about possibility. And so I was honoring the past, anchoring the now, just in creating it, and then inviting myself into a higher version of who I really am. And I started offering that to other people because it was so powerful. And I did it and still do it with workshops, both in person and virtual. And I also uh take commissions. So when people are wanting, you can use it for shadow work or you can use it for celebratory work. And people send me their materials and I feel into the energy of them, and we have a back and forth about what wants to emerge and what they're working through. And it's a really beautiful and very powerful process that automatically just moves that energy. And I feel like that's what's so powerful about it because it's stuck, right? We have energy and that gets stuck in our bodies, lived experiences that we assign meaning to that really is not accurate, and it can cause a lot of suffering. And I don't want anybody to suffer. I really believe that acceptance and acceptance for all the layers and versions of who we have been allows us to release what no longer works and what's no longer true, right? There's very little, like what is any belief to me, I'm like, is a false belief. Like, who are we underneath the conditioning and lived experiences that we've had? Who are we underneath all of those beliefs? Like what's really here? Who are we really underneath it? And is any experience bigger than who we really are? And the answer is no, because we're still here, right?

Gillian 46:53

Oh my gosh, there's so much wisdom there, Deborah. I feel like we get to do a whole podcast just on what you just said. Um, I'd I'd love to touch on the uh the idea of shedding the layers of what no longer works, of what no longer is is serving you. And I describe it as stepping into your magnificence.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

Yeah.

Gillian 47:14

The person that you were always intended to be. And it is that shedding that needs to happen and that stepping into that new space that allows you to be free. And I'm just thinking about all the people, like the loneliness epidemic right now. I really do believe people are lonely because they aren't their true selves. So they're not able to find the people they really connect with because they're not showing up as the person they truly are. But I've noticed the more I step into um who I'm supposed to be, kind of stepping away from that framework, or you can describe it as programming, whatever it is, these these belief systems, the more I feel connected to the people who um are looking for the personality and the essence of who I am. So you have these deeper connections when you do that. Absolutely. But I think the fear is it's going to be isolating when you do that. It's scary.

SPEAKER_02 48:12

Well, that's the fear. Um really when you begin to have a relationship with yourself that's genuine, when you start to accept parts of yourself, self that you've exiled, when you take that part out of banishment and you're like, oh, I can have you for tea. I don't know which psychologist or brilliant person was like, invite, invite what you consider the worst of you to tea. Like welcome them into the living room of your heart. Resisting it. Yeah. Yeah. Then you're like, oh, I don't need other people to see me. I don't need to go and have coffee with others. I don't need to go to that party. I don't, I, I enjoy my own company because I'm okay, because I've fully accepted all the parts of who I am. And then naturally the people who come into my life are also, they know their own wholeness. They're not looking for me to fill up any gaps. And I'm not looking for anyone to fill up my gaps. And so it's about connection versus a rescue mission. So if being social is a rescue mission, yeah, then there's something missing between you and you. Yeah. And so if we're afraid to look under the hood of ourselves, then most social interactions become a rescue mission. And it doesn't feel good, right? Like then you just you're it just doesn't feel good. And so when we address our own wounds, which really we are the only ones who can do that, and obviously with the support of coaches or therapists or creativity or whatever, we need support, but no one can, there's nothing to fix, but no one can train us how to fully accept ourselves and what happens when we do. Like everything shifts.

Gillian 50:02

Yeah. I I love that. I'm thinking of all of you know, the young adults and people seeking out a partner. Right. Um, and we often do this to fill a void, right? We want to feel whole and we want to find that wholeness in somebody else. But what if the the language around this was find wholeness in yourself first? Have that be your pursuit, and then you'll naturally stumble upon another whole person, and your life is going to be a lot easier. Yeah, exactly. Because you're not seeking to fill your void with the person you're partnered with, you're simply just walking alongside each other.

SPEAKER_02 50:39

Yeah.

Wholeness, Relationships, And Small Creative Steps

Gillian 50:40

I mean, that would be a really beautiful shift in our culture.

SPEAKER_02 50:43

Yeah. And it would it would move us away from what's wrong with us to what's right.

SPEAKER_01 50:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:49

And and uh when we are focused on what's right, then then that invites a totally different human experience into our lives.

Gillian 51:02

Yeah, beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 51:03

Instead of pathologizing everything, like come on, and which is again back in our head, right? So so and that can help us, it really can, but there's something else here that doesn't require our mind. It really requires self-trust and self-compassion.

Gillian 51:22

Wonderful. On that note, Davora, if someone listening today feels over-stimulated, over-consuming, disconnected, if they're feeling that way and they know it, but they don't know what to do about it, what is one small creative act they could begin this week to start to start to help them reconnect with themselves.

SPEAKER_02 51:45

So I always want to ask questions so that they know to follow their own creativity, whatever that is. For me, because drawing and painting is my natural way, it would be doodling in the margins. But for somebody else, it might be baking with whatever they have in their refrigerator or cupboards. And so it allows this practice of self-trust to emerge. That self-trust is the creative language. So creative language comes from inside, following their own heart. Uh yeah. So when people ask me that question about one small thing they can do, like if I'm like, oh, do a blind contour drawing, they're like, well, A, what the heck is that? And B and B, I hate drawing, right? So I don't want to tell anybody unless they're drawn to drawing or painting or collage, then then what is their avenue for creativity? Is it discovering their favorite coffee bean? Is it like right? It's an exploration, is it a walk through the woods? Is it noticing the birds or the flowers or whatever is around in the season that they're they're moving through? Does that does that make sense? Does that answer your question?

Gillian 52:58

Oh, absolutely. And I'm I am so inspired right now. We fall so right now in New York, we have loads of snow and it's been snow and cold, and I'm all about getting the kids outside, and there's no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. That's our approach. But because it's been so stinking cold, we've spent less time outside. And I've fallen into this trap of just turning on the TV. The Olympics are on right now. That's the easy thing to do. Then I can relax and the kids are happy. And but I'm realizing that since I've started doing this, and this has been my fallback, we've lost these windows for creativity. Um, and I'm just I'm inspired to pull that back into our life. Like you said, what can you bake with what's left in the cupboards? It can be productive creativity. So, as a busy mother of four, I want to be looking for ways that I can pull creativity into something I already have to do to allow you know the rhythms in our in our household to continue. So I'm already thinking, okay, let's let's my husband's birthday is Valentine's Day. What if we pulled a meal together as a family and made it fun and you know, pulled out some special um decorations to make the table look a little more pretty than usual? It can be simple things like that that that create this joy and this environment of creativity for for everybody that's around you. So it yeah, so you are completely on point because my brain is just going, okay, how can I how can I do this? And not as pressure, but as an invitation to just have more fun with life and to sprinkle more joy into our life.

SPEAKER_02 54:31

Yeah. And to embrace the messiness, right? Like having young kids, it my house was a mess. And if I needed to make dinner and they didn't want to help me with that, uh, we would make Ublick and it's a cornstarch water. Oh yes, my daughter's obsessed with it. It drives us crazy. It goes everywhere, it absolutely goes everywhere. And we added like glitter just to make it even worse. Oh my gosh. And food coloring. You are brave. Well, I just uh my motto was anything can be cleaned up, right? But I want there to be like what is it? Like that tactile, like liquid and and thickness, like so she could play for hours with that stuff. And that was creative. And I could still make dinner and we could come together and do it together. We could make the look together. I could also, you know, bring them in to make dinner with me and expect it to be really weird.

Gillian 55:24

Oh my goodness. You sound like an amazing mom. Well a really fun household to be raised in.

SPEAKER_02 55:30

It was a disaster too, right? It was a total disaster, and there was a surrender to that disaster. And and there are, again, seasons of life. Um and get like one kid came over for a plate aid and like just dumped out the entire bag of flour on the glitter. No, it wasn't glitter, although I actually don't mind glitter. I think it's kind of funny. Um, but flour, like the whole bag of flour over the bathroom floor, and then poured out an entire bottle of mouthwash over that. And I don't use mouthwash anymore, but I was just like, wow. So that was a deal. Like that when I'm like, okay, anything can be cleaned. Let's clean this up together, right? Oh my gosh. Like together.

Gillian 56:14

So I feel like I need to collect all of my friends and you can be a guest speaker because I feel like we just we need to let go and surrender more to the messiness of life, of parenting, of motherhood, the whole bit of it. And uh yeah, you know, we may have to clean a little bit more at the end of it, but those are the memories that just sprinkle so much joy into our children's lives and into our ours as well. Our kids want to know that we're enjoying raising them.

SPEAKER_02 56:43

Well, and it's okay, right? If we it's okay to be messy and if we invite them to clean up with us, which I wasn't always good at, right? Yeah, then they get the experience of I made this mess and this is part, this is the other half of what I made, right? Like I don't just make the mess and get to go clean it up. And I I was cleaning up after my kids, and I still am guilty of that. Um, but if I include them in the process of cleaning up, then it's the in-breath and the out-breath. Then there's some balance, and I'm not responsible for all the stuff I hate to do.

How To Connect And Final Takeaways

Gillian 57:17

Right. Very wise. Very wise. Devorah, I'd love to create an opportunity for you to just share a little bit more about how people can connect with you, how they they can work with you, and uh how to stay in touch.

SPEAKER_02 57:30

I'm on all the social media platforms. So uh Devorah Brinkerhoff on Instagram and Facebook and uh TikTok is I think Soul Portraits. So I'm pretty easy to find, and anybody can message me at at any time and uh work with me that way.

Gillian 57:47

Wonderful. And I wanted to I wanted to clarify your mixed media art that you do. You said you said people send you their materials. Are you having people send you photos and letters and then you're creating the art for them and working with them and then sending it back as a finished piece? Yes. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 58:07

And there's there's back and forth, and people use it for very different things. So it can be end of life. So if somebody wants to, I've had people send me ashes and fold that into the painting. And so with all the materials of their beloved, so that it is a living memorial of their life together. Um and then it's a main piece in their house that shares their story of their relationship. Um, it can be about uh somebody who lost their child to suicide or cancer and dealing with grief and loss. So it can be the dark shadow and and finding a way to make space for what needs to be grieved and to have a safe and tender place for that grief to land. Um, it's sort of like healing by proxy if they send me their materials and they don't have to send me originals that can be copies. Right. And it's it's the energy of of lived experience that I work with. And then, you know, it's it's a channeled over image usually that that comes through and and we talk about what resonates with people. Like I want it to reflect them. So they they when they when it's a commission, they have to obviously resonate with my general style and uh and let whatever comes through come through. But yeah, so yes, people can work with me through commissions and they're my absolute favorite thing to do, no matter what somebody is moving through.

Gillian 59:41

Wow. And and people do heal through this process.

SPEAKER_02 59:44

They are what I talk about, yes. I mean, so people send me what they think is ugly and unforgivable, and I send them back what their beauty, their oh my gosh, their power.

Gillian 59:55

I love this, D'hora. I'm so happy that you shared that. I feel like that's um that's gonna be something that is um, I mean, I I'm just trying to think of what I can send you so I can put a piece of your art on my wall. What a great opportunity! It's really fun. Thank you so much for being here today and sharing your story. I just love this aspect of life that I really think we're all yearning for right now. So just to create this opportunity for people to understand, you know, what might be missing because sometimes we don't even know where to start. So I appreciate you sharing.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:29

You're so welcome. It's my pleasure. Thanks for having me. Thank you.

Gillian 1:00:35

What an incredible conversation. This is something that I needed to hear. And I feel like I'm leaving this conversation with so much inspiration to sprinkle more joy and creativity, not just in my own life, but in the life of my family. Let's just think about things differently. How can we create more and consume less? How can we actually protect boredom and honor the quiet, still spaces in our life so that we have this opportunity to create? Creativity isn't about producing something impressive. It's not about the competition or the performance. As Deborah explained, it's about reconnecting to something honest and authentic, something that we're yearning for right now, probably more than ever. It's about letting your hands move before your mind over things, moving from your head to your heart, dropping into that space where anything is possible. It's about allowing that space for trial and error. This is where we build our own resilience. This is where we learn to trust ourselves again. And this is where our children learn to do the same. It's about remembering that you were made to bring something into the world. It's what you were created to do, not just absorb what everybody else is doing, and not to just conform to what artificial intelligence tells us to. And for those of us raising our little ones, maybe the greatest confidence we can give them isn't constant entertainment or polished performance. We have to move away from that. What they need is time, space, and permission to imagine, leaving them in the backyard with just that one stick and coming up with allowing them space to come up with ways to come up with games and be creative with each other and just simply have fun to imagine a different world for themselves with just that boredom and that space that they have. If this episode resonated, I encourage you to try one small act of creation this week. One small thing. It could be as simple as journaling or sketching, or, like we said, cooking something new, maybe um going out into your garden and designing something that's beautiful, rearranging a room in your house, writing a poem for someone you care about, or maybe writing a poem that nobody will ever read. This isn't about outcome or productivity, it's simply about connection. As always, I'm so grateful that you are here. And, you know, committing your time to understanding what it looks like to be still and truly live a life where you can thrive and experience joy. Thank you for choosing stillness in a world that moves way too fast. And remember, freedom isn't found in doing more, it's about creating the space for us to just simply be. I hope you enjoyed this episode. And you know, if you did, please share it with your friends and family so that it can help them to break through these barriers that we have, these mindsets that we have that prevent us from experiencing creativity and joy in our life. Until next time, be still and live. Thank you for listening to Be Still and Live. As always, my hope is that this conversation offered you a little more space. Space to breathe, to listen, and to come home to what matters most. If this episode resonated with you, I invite you to subscribe to the show and consider sharing it with someone who could use a little more space or clarity right now. That simple act helps this work reach the people who need it most. If you're ready for a gentle next step, you can begin with Fog to Freedom in the show notes or at Saleocoaching.com. Until next time, be still and live.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:37

This podcast is produced, mixed, and edited by Cardinal Studio. For more information about how to start your own podcast, please visit www.cardinalstudio.co or email Mike at Mike at Cardinal Studio.co. You can also find the details in the show notes.