#29: Regulate Your Nervous System: Simple Practices to Calm Your Body and Mind with Dr. Rochelle Vogt, Ph.D.

Fear is loud, fast, and contagious and our bodies are paying the price. If you’ve been waking up anxious, feeling wired but exhausted, or wondering why you’re suddenly more reactive than you used to be, you’re not alone. I’m joined by Dr. Rochelle “Dr. Roe” Vogt, a mindfulness researcher and trauma resolution specialist, to name what’s happening underneath the surface: nervous system dysregulation in a world built on urgency, overstimulation, and constant input.

We get practical about the first five minutes of the day, especially for midlife women navigating sleep disruption, hormonal shifts, and that early-morning cortisol surge. We also talk about how reaching for your phone, scrolling headlines, and living on notifications can kick your brain straight into threat mode, and how a tiny pause can move you back toward clarity, choice, and steadiness. Dr. Roe shares simple tools you can actually use: self-touch and havening-style brushing, visualization you can speak out loud, breathwork, tapping, humming, cold water on the face, and other vagus nerve practices that tell the body “you are safe.”

We also go deeper into the bigger theme: the nervous system as a portal that filters your relationships, identity, and spiritual life. When we stay in survival mode too long, we eventually hit a wall, but we’re not stuck there. We explore boundaries as a health intervention, the shift from fear to faith, hope, and love, and how regulated people become quiet leaders in their homes and communities.

If you want a gentle next step, try the Fog to Freedom grounding exercise and check out Dr. Roe’s free “Healing Power of Presence” guide. Subscribe, share this with someone who feels maxed out, and leave a review so more people can find tools for nervous system regulation and trauma healing.

Connect with Dr. Roe:

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Listeners can go to https://drrochellevogt.com/gift to get access to my guide, "The Healing Power of Presence: 3 Conscious Breathing Techniques That Tell your Nervous System You Are Safe."

New here? Start with episodes 1-3: “Take Back Your Life”, "From Hustle to Healing",  and “5 to Thrive.” 

*Start Fog to Freedom Here*

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Free Guided Fog to Freedom Meditation ...

Transcript

Welcome And The Big Question

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Modern life very much can do that. And I I think that when we can look at exactly everything you just said and say, was I designed to manage that?

Gillian 0:13

If your days feel full, but your heart longs for more meaning, you're not alone. Between the screens, the schedules, and the never-ending noise, it's easy to lose your sense of peace. But what if the way forward isn't found in doing more, but in learning to slow down, to simplify, to be still. Welcome to Be Still and Live, a podcast for individuals, couples, and families longing for calm, connection, and a more meaningful way to live. I'm Jillian, speaker, coach, and founder of Sileo Health and Wellness, and I'm here to help you create space for stillness and step into a life that feels whole and good again. We are living in a world that runs on urgency. Headlines designed to provoke, phones designed to capture our constant attention, conversations designed to divide. And whether we realize it or not, our nervous systems are absorbing all of it. If you felt more on edge lately, more reactive, more tired, but wired, or quietly disconnected from yourself, you're not weak. You're likely dysregulated. Today I'm joined by Dr. Rochelle Vote, mindfulness researcher and trauma resolution specialist, to explore something that feels essential for this season. How do we respond to a fear-invoking world without becoming governed by fear? We talk about the nervous system as a portal, how chronic survival mode shapes our identity, our relationships, even our spiritual life, and what it actually takes to shift into steadiness and creator mode. This isn't about ignoring reality. It's about building the internal stability to meet it. And most importantly, we'll share practical tools, simple practices that tell your nervous system that you are safe. Let's begin. Hi, Dr. Rochelle Vogue. It's so lovely to have you on the show today. Thank you for being here. Oh, it's my pleasure. It's so nice to be here.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Thank you.

Gillian 2:28

You're welcome. And you go by Dr. Roe, correct?

SPEAKER_01 2:31

Sure. Yep, that's great.

Gillian 2:33

Wonderful. Dr. Rowe, I would love for you to share a little bit more about your story and what brings you to where you are today and why you feel so strongly about sharing your work about nervous system regulation and what is possible when it comes to the pliability of our mind and the potential that we have.

Dr. Roe’s Story And Mindfulness

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Yes. Yeah, it's it's kind of one of those things where when you look back and you see the sort of signposts in life, it makes a lot more sense, you know, at this midlife point looking back why I would get where I am. Um, you know, I think the big turning point for me to put me on the path happened um after I was in a car accident um in the after the first year of college, and uh I had chronic pain and was sent to a chronic pain management uh center. It was actually in Boulder, Colorado, and it was a uh one of the first ones, probably in the western part of the US, to adopt um John Cabot Zinn's mindfulness-based stress reduction, which was is a secularized version of the contemplative practices of Buddhist meditation or mindfulness meditation. Wow. And so it was this really interesting introduction at a time in my life where really, you know, the closest I had come to that is prayer and is being um, you know, in that quiet space or the contemplative kind of space of reflection. But to have it brought into my life as a way to also um find presence as a medicine was really interesting. And that was a, you know, very important seed that was planted for me. And but if you had told me then that I would eventually study, you know, at the graduate level in in in psychology, I would have thought you were crazy. I was an English major and it just wasn't wasn't on my radar. Yeah. But after going out into the world and really continuing to struggle with chronic pain and and health issues along the way and always kind of coming back to using presence as a medicine to cope and to manage. Um, eventually I hit that point where it was not soul fulfilling for me to be in the corporate uh space. And I needed to figure out what was my calling. And I really wanted to help people because I had benefited from people helping me during my difficult time. So that kind of led me to studying psychology. I first I did counseling psychology and then a doctorate in clinical psychology. And my focus was mindfulness-based stress reduction and working with uh working adults who were using it and really seeing how dramatically that perception of stress and the impact of stress on the body shifts when we use these tools. And of course, anyone with a prayer practice, anyone who does meditation knows that those benefits are very real. Um, but I think that it it was an important seed that got me on the path. And then, you know, life really brought me to that bigger understanding of something bigger, uh, something that's beyond me. And that's really what was at the at the core of the transpersonal psychology um schooling that I received when I was studying, um, the sort of spiritual grounding around our our psychology, our way of being. We're wired to really sit with, understand, embrace and conceptualize this higher power. And so that really, I think was a huge piece of the the what I wanted to do in the world, how I wanted to help, right? To help people find that place. And for myself, that place was very healing. It was a medicine and continues to be a medicine. And then, you know, life continued to give me challenges. Um, and as I've gone, I've re as I've gone through those, I've really realized that we have to always stay open to new tools and new ways, you know. And that's part of that prayer, like, you know, what is what is the next thing, right? What is the next thing for me to be of, you know, to help me be my best so that I can be of service to others. And that's how I found the map method. And it it was really wanting to not just help people cope, because that's really important, and not just give them a state change, because that's really valuable also, but it doesn't take away some of the baggage that we carry from chronic pain or chronic health issues or trauma. And so working with the map method that was created by uh Colette Stryker, working with Dr. Gary Flint out of Canada and his body of work, process healing, she developed the map method. And we're actually able to utilize something called the window of reconsolidation in neuroscience to help reduce the emotional intensity around memories. And it's it's fascinating. And I think more and more people are beginning to understand we don't have to, we're not really stuck with the way things unfolded. We can actually shift it, change it, release the intensity around it and not carry that. And so that was a huge piece for me because I kept looking for um how to resolve that last piece of really long-standing um trauma and anxiety that was stuck in my nervous system. And I actually discovered it when I was in graduate school. And it's it's probably not all that unique, but you don't hear about it every day. But but many pregnancies start out as multiples. I think 10 to 30% start out as multiples. And, you know, the live birth is just one. And I had this spontaneous realization that I was not alone in the womb, you know, when I was taking pre- and perinatal psychology courses in graduate school. And I was able to, you know, kind of confirm as much from my mother through various means. And it was just, it's really interesting how powerful that imprint was. And it really also challenged my understanding of what consciousness is and, you know, how we what really is memory, and you know, how how does how is it possible? You know, this was maybe before we would think there was a capacity to hold memory, uh, but there was a very strong uh realization and awareness of of that experience. So I think that that's kind of how I got here and the different experiences that I've had that have made me realize, you know, our our consciousness and our nervous system, it does hold our story. And, you know, we we deserve to be able to walk with the wisdom of our story without the intensity and the pain and the trauma and the weight of it.

Gillian 9:13

Oh my goodness, Dr. Rowe, I have goosebumps right now because I I mean, I just got off a call with a client who is struggling with all of these things. I have walked through this myself. And it is so difficult to navigate through this, you know, dysregulation that we feel. But the science that is coming out right now continues to show us that there is a brighter future ahead of us. It is possible to change the way that we think, the way that we feel, the way that we exist in the world. And this is just so encouraging for me to hear, knowing that this is going to be a part of our norm one day. This, I mean, we're just stumbling upon this research. Obviously, it's been research for a while now, but I feel like it's just now getting to the point where people are able to assess it, that this is becoming normal, that that healing is possible and that you don't have to carry the weight of the trauma that you've experienced in your past. And that's right. It's it's beautiful work that you do. So thank you for being here. And um, I know how valuable it is because it is so common for you know the people that I work with and I have experienced myself. So I there's so many people in our audience who need to hear this. So I'm excited to go a little deeper with you and to learn more about um your research and how we can integrate into our lives.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Yeah, absolutely.

Why Mornings Feel Anxious

Gillian 10:39

So on that note, there are many, I know you work specifically with midlife women, and I am one of those women. So um I am happy to speak on their behalf the best that I can. But many of us wake up feeling tense and feeling like we're behind, feeling heavy, that heaviness on our chests, feeling completely wired yet exhausted. What's actually happening in the nervous system in those first five minutes of the day? Because I I struggle with those first five minutes. That's when the anxiety hits really hard.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Yeah. A huge piece of that is the cortisol. Um, so we're we're our whole, you know, biological rhythms uh are kind of in a massive shift, obviously, biochemically, hormonally. Um, but I think the biggest challenge is there's a a um there's that early morning cortisol. Also can be a period of time where we're insulin is is rising as well. And the nervous system is responding, we're having those first moments. If we didn't get quality sleep, which is often the case during the midlife transition, where we're struggling to get that deeper sleep, um, already the nervous system is activated. And, you know, tend some women wake with the sweats, obviously, from the hot flashes, um, which of course is not all women. It's certainly not the only uh issue, as they remind us now with menopause being much more um explored and talked about that hot flashes are just one of many things, right? Right. But you're hitting on one of those things that I think is really troubling because it's it's that moment when we're trying to set the tone for the day. We're waking and it's it it can feel, you know, it can feel like we're starting from that helpless, not in control, uh struggling state. Right. And while this is a multifactorial issue, I think that, you know, my approach has been to cultivate that observer self in that mindfulness uh, you know, uh technique approach, right? The observer self that is not mired in the story of, oh, not another day, and all of the things that we immediately tell ourselves because it's it's a struggle and it's hard. Um, so we when we can anchor into that observer self, uh, we can immediately have more agency. So even though those biological processes are going on and they're very real, um it's often, you know, in that moment, we're not gonna solve everything. We're not gonna get all the hormones all aligned, everything figured out, you know, but we can uh anchor into some awareness. And I also think that the other thing that has been really helpful uh for my clients and myself is to know what we're gonna reach for. And that could be a particular thought, it could be a prayer, it could be um a cool uh washcloth uh on the neck to stimulate the vagus uh nerve. You know, we if we know the tool, then we don't have to slip into playing the tape of woe is me, which of course is totally normal and we've all been there. But you don't want to start the day on your back heel feeling like the victim, right? But these are processes that are very challenging. And, you know, I do encourage women to work closely with their doctor to make sure you're you're really embracing all of the new literature and information and finding a doctor who is also doing that and one that preferably has been doing that, that this isn't a new thing for them to look at all the options available for women, because of course, you know, not all women are going to want to do hormone replacement therapy, but uh I think a lot of women have didn't know what was on the table or were making a choice from old information. So, you know, because that can um even small tweaks with that, with some support, um, can really shift uh us away from some of those pitfalls like you described in the morning. The other thing is to um have those support systems in place and to, again, knowing what you're reaching for, um knowing what works best for your body in terms of fuel, because we can start to stabilize the blood sugar and stabilize some of those biorhythms uh by, you know, getting the water, getting the intake of nutrients, um, movement first thing also can help lower that cortisol and insulin. So there like again, just knowing having a game plan. It's it's similar to the struggles I've had in the past with chronic pain. You have to know what you're gonna reach for when those flares happen. Because otherwise you just spiral into woe is me. And the the psychology of that is not the track you want to be on. So I think, you know, having a game plan and also knowing that it's not permanent, it's not forever. These are there are transition periods with all of our biorhythms. But I think that uh, you know, women in midlife really are struggling and to have some um empathy for ourselves, right? And to some compassion.

Gillian 15:53

Yes, yes, and knowledge is key, not the oversaturation of information, but just, you know, knowing enough to know what is normal and what most women are struggling with and um giving ourselves grace along the way because the harder are we on our the harder we are on ourselves and the more shame that we attach to these experiences and these symptoms, the worse that it becomes. I'd love for you. I I love how you said, what are you reaching for?

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Yeah.

Phone Scrolling Vs Stillness

Gillian 16:22

Can you explain the difference that it makes when you're reaching for your phone and scrolling first thing in the morning rather than putting your feet on the ground and sitting in a quiet space of meditation for five minutes rather than scrolling your phone? What is how does that impact your day? And how does your body respond to those two things that you can reach for?

SPEAKER_01 16:48

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's an important, uh, important issue to bring up because if we're reaching for our phone, it's probably habitual for one, so we're not really being mindful. Um, or two, it's out of stress or fear of what's what's there, what do I need to respond to? So again, we don't want to start our day there. And thirdly, it's if it's to get a dopamine hit to rise us up out of whatever we were waking to, we're using it as a crutch and you know, kind of facilitating some of that dopamine addiction that that really can, you know, come up on people surprisingly. They don't realize the checking of the email, the checking of the Instagram, but that every single thing, every notification that beeps or buzzes, we're getting a dopamine uh response from that. And that is, you know, hijacking uh your biological uh response system. And we we have really, it's just surprising how we just embraced it and accepted it. And I think that when we can be more mindful, make sure the notifications are turned off, preferably don't even have it within an arm's reach. It shouldn't even be, you know, should best to be charged somewhere else outside of the bedroom and preferably not on screens, um, you know, two hours before bed, one one hour at least. Um, but yeah, I think that um if we can avoid the technology first thing, because I think that what whatever state we're waking in, there is a moment that can be created there. And, you know, whether that's two or five minutes, it is an opportunity to set the tone for the day and to set your intention. Yeah, do your prayer, call in what you need to call in, be in a state of gratitude for what you do have instead of a focus on maybe the troubles or the aches. Um, because that that's going to the soon as your feet hit the floor and you go to your next thing, that's what you carry with you. We want to really have that grounded place that we're going to operate the rest of our day from.

Simple Tools For Morning Anxiety

Gillian 19:02

Can you give us a couple thoughts that we can have as we wake up, or a couple mantras that we can say to ourselves when we wake up and we feel that flood of anxiety?

SPEAKER_01 19:13

Yeah, I think there are a few different approaches. One is to anchor into something physical. So it could be at the havening type techniques to the uh brushing, right? I don't know if people may be familiar with that. You're just taking your hands. So anchoring into a physical experience that is not the one that you woke to and that you're anxious about. So doing that. Um, the other, and or or really any physical experience that you that feels good to you. You know, some people like to um put their palms to their to their face or rub their face. That's also uh very comforting. These are the experiences we had as infants, you know, being uh brushed and and touched gently. So bringing that compassion to self, that actually our nervous system does respond to that. So it can help us re-anchor, uh, even though that anxiety kind of had us feeling buzzed. Um, the other is, and this is it goes back to knowing what your tools are and what you're reaching for. The other is to be aware what would feel good. I mean, so now I've comforted and I've become aware and I'm present however I've done that. And what do I need to do next to release this? Some people, it will be meditation and breath work, taking a few moments, you know, and incorporating prayer into that process as it feels right for for someone. And uh other people might need to stretch and they may need just maybe the stretch in the bed, or maybe they get up and they stretch. But some some people need something physical to help move that anxiety out of the body. And I I really can't stress enough how powerful visualization is. So whether you are still in your bed and you're breathing or you're doing a technique that helps ground you into your body, using a visualization, I use, you know, bringing in that energy that we've they've connected to first thing, whether you want to, you know, call it God's light or the universe or the universal energy or prana, chi, whatever you know, works for you, you just call that in and you visualize it moving over your body and see it if as to the uh to whatever your ability you have. Because that energy, that process of visualizing that and moving that over, and your intention being, of course, doing that to heal and to release that buzz and to calm, it's amazing how powerful visualization is. We literally do create our reality. So calling that in with the intention of helping shift to a calmer place to move that buzz out of our body and using that powerful capacity we have. The imagination is our most powerful tool. So using that. That to help ground ourselves and help shift that state is, I think, one of the most important things, regardless of whatever else you're doing, sitting, breathing, moving, still, you can be in that waterfall of light and you could carry that into your shower. As the water's coming over you, you're seeing that experience of the energy moving over you and out and taking anything with that doesn't serve you.

Gillian 22:24

Right. I appreciate all of this, and I appreciate how simple it is. I think that we often try to overcomplicate things, especially when we're feeling these complicated symptoms that we don't understand. We want to believe that the answer is something that's out of reach. But what you're sharing, I mean, these are practices that we all have access to. And like you said, it's it is a mindset. It's using your imagination. And that is what allows our nervous system to feel safe and shifts us into that space of comfort where we can, you know, feel like we can release any of that anxiety that we're feeling and just step into our day with a more positive outlook.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Yeah, absolutely. And I would say if someone hasn't had the experience, it may just sound like, well, that's interesting. I'm not sure. But if you've had the experience of using biofeedback, it is amazing that we can actually, and and and with pain, um, you know, just so many different things where the mind and our thoughts uh can completely shift our experience. Um, so using that and, you know, exploring that. And I will add one thing I found so interesting when I was doing biofeedback in graduate school and I was working with someone, and they were like, okay, you know, we were playing with a skin galvanic response, and it was like, you're imagining yourself, you're in a hot tub, you know, you're just like we were trying to get the temperature to rise, and I was there in my mind. I was so there. I have a very good visualization capacity, but it wasn't changing. And so uh, you know, the instructor was like, okay, well, you know, speak it if you need to. And as soon as I was like, I'm in a hot tub, it's so warm, I can feel the bubbles, boom, it happened. So if you need to use your voice, that is, you know, how we can really amplify the visualization. Um, you know, I feel the cool light, I feel the breeze, I feel the water coming over me, the light, whatever it is, just speak it. And sometimes I can amplify and and kind of bring it home and the the biology shifts even more dramatically.

Gillian 24:39

I love it. And again, I love how how playful this can be. It doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be serious.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

Right.

Gillian 24:46

It's play is so healing in and of itself. Absolutely.

The Nervous System As Portal

Gillian 24:50

Dr. Roe, you describe the nervous system as a portal. What does that actually mean? I'd love to learn more about this.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Yeah, well, I think of it as that because it is really the filter through which our reality is created. So before anything, there is the nervous system state, right? I mean, it it goes back to, you know, the the reptilian brain and the amygdala and our experience and the limbic system. Um, the nervous system as portal is really about the whole brain and nervous system dictating how we're going to respond. And so when, again, when when it's a threat, so if we wake up into that state and we're feeling nervous or rather anxious uh and we are fearful, then we've activated a whole different part of our nervous system and brain. And that's not how we want to start the day. So, but if we can wake and go to that observer place and say, Oh, I see, there's some biochemical processes going on here that have activated me. And now I'm gonna go to my breath, I'm gonna use the tools, I'm gonna visualize, then we have more agency and we are literally pulling ourselves from that the amygdala, the limbic system fear response into the prefrontal cortex. And so anchoring into those positive emotions in the heart space and using our connections to our higher power, to, you know, to God, to what we, what sustains us, when we can move into that, then we're using a different part of the brain. We're using a wiring that supports us and helps us move more positively forward. And so I think when we realize this nervous system as a portal is filtering everything in our experience, our relationships, um, our biological rhythms, how we interact with the world around us, you know, and when we lose our buffer, you know, when we go off the estrogen cliff and we don't have the buffer from inflammation, we don't have the buffer uh to prevent those nervous system activations from happening. Uh, we have to get really clear on what we want to carry and what we're not willing to carry anymore. And some of that is, you know, with compassion, of course, making choices in our lives to help our health, you know. So sometimes we have to say no or we have to limit time in certain environments or around certain people for our own health. And I think at midlife that's really important.

Fog To Freedom Guided Pause

Gillian 27:28

Before we continue, I want to offer you a quiet pause. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, mentally cluttered, or like your mind never truly rests, I'd like to invite you into a quiet reset. Fog to Freedom is a simple grounding exercise designed to help you slow down, release the mental load, and reset. There's no fixing and no pressure, just a quiet pause. So clarity can return and your nervous system can suffer. Many people describe feeling lighter, calmer, and more clear after just a few minutes. And it's something you can return to anytime the place starts to build. If your soul is asking for space, you're warmly invited to begin with talk to freedom. You'll find it linked in the show notes or at saleocoaching.com. Come exactly as you are and offer yourself the gift of space and clarity. Thank you for taking that pause. Now let's return to the conversation.

Boundaries When Everyone Needs You

Gillian 28:27

Yeah, absolutely. I completely agree. Um what would you what would your advice be for the women who say, I I can't offload anything? I have I too many people need me. I see nowhere in my life where I can create space or create boundaries because this is so many women's reality. And I know that feeling where you're just you're in panic mode because you may understand what needs to be done, but you don't feel like you can you could make any changes that you're trying to put the plane together while you're flying it through the air. And that's a very difficult thing.

SPEAKER_01 29:07

It is. And we've all we've all had those experiences, and I know how um really there's a feeling of helplessness that comes into play there. You just feel very stuck. And uh I think that you know, the most important thing is to not betray yourself. So we have to take those moments. And it may be that the agency that you claim is that when you're with that person or or helping someone, you're gonna have the tea that you like. I'm gonna have my favorite tea and I'm gonna get through this. You know, we have to negotiate, but think of ourselves and find some way to show up with agency. And that's the first step. And then the second step, of course, is you know, how can I find other resources or get help here or place a boundary? Because when we don't place boundaries, we're sending a message to our nervous system that we're not safe at any given moment, that we don't have a boundary. And that is really at the root of why so many women struggle with autoimmune disorders and inflammatory issues, because they feel stuck, overwhelmed, helpless, and without boundaries. So it really, really is important. And I there is always a way, even when it feels like there isn't. It may be that there's difficult conversation or a trauma that has to be cleared or a relational issue and it feels like it's a wall, but there's always a way to navigate where you can claim more agency and have less of that weight on you. It just may not be fully present to you because you can't access the problem-solving part of your brain when you're stressed and feeling helpless. So you've got to step away and find space and even, you know, call in those people in your life who can help you without judgment to come up with those strategies. Right. But definitely, I would just really stress to women don't put yourself or allow yourself to stay in situations where you're remaining feeling like you're helpless without a boundary. Because that is a very clear message to the nervous system that I can't rest. I have to stay vigilant. There is no boundary here. We're always in threat mode, and we can't heal, and we can't, you know, have a high quality of life when we're in that place.

When Survival Mode Finally Crashes

Gillian 31:27

Yeah, absolutely. I think it's so important to share that because so many of the women that I work with are at the brink of a breakdown. And I I experience that breakdown. And uh, it's so hard for women to put their their own oxygen mask on first. They feel like they can't. But I experienced firsthand what happens when you don't. And it was after a traumatic experience of our our fourth was born, and he had some pretty significant medical issues. And throughout his first year of life, I mean, we we nearly watched him slip away multiple times. I'm so sorry. And I I think that's what set me up for the breakdown that I had because I I never really fully recovered from that. I just kept trying to push through when it was hard. But I didn't allow myself to fully process it because I felt like I should be grateful. He's healthy now, he's with us. But there was something that I was carrying that uh led to this nervous system dysregulation. I understand that now I didn't at the time, but it was a slow drip anxiety that kept building over time and I didn't listen to it. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing, and it got to the point where I had a full nervous breakdown. And I couldn't take care of my kids. Yeah. I had to move in with my parents while my husband was traveling. I I couldn't function. I would love for you to describe what that state is when you get to that point where your nervous system just completely crashes and your body just says no. Because I think it's important to um explain what happens when we ignore these subtle nudges along the way.

SPEAKER_01 33:11

Yeah, absolutely. And I'm so sorry that you went through that. That sounds so challenging. And to be in that hyper-vigilant state and to nearly lose a child, you know, cycling through an illness multiple times, just I can only imagine. And so, yeah, that puts you in that, you know, obviously you can see where the dysregulation could come because it's a constant high vigilance state, you know. Was that something wrong in that, you know, like with you can't rest when they're sleeping, you can't like there's no downtime when you're in that fear of something, you know, is something gonna happen again? Yeah, is it, you know. So that constant hypervigilance, uh, you know, basically the nervous system being so on for so long, you know, it it's literally, we are I think it's a good example for what for for, as you say, you know, went through it so you know, when we stay there, we can't literally sustain stay there forever. So when we're there for an extended period of time, um the the nervous system, the brain learns this is the way we have to operate, but it really can't sustain it forever. So you're in that place that's not sustainable forever, but you're in it for a long time. And now you've patterned the nervous system in the brain. And there's a certain point where, you know, as you say, you just hit the wall like you couldn't even function anymore because we can't sustain that. So when I, you know, urge midlife women to get rid of the trauma and the baggage, it's it's not, you know, um just because it's a you know a good time to do it. It's because you won't be able to hold it forever. Yes. And the drop-off is, you know, really challenging. That's why so many women, you know, get put on antidepressants and anti-anxiety and different medications, uh, as well as struggling with inflammation and disease, because they've been trying to carry that load. So I'm I'm glad that you had a support system in your family because at that point it really is very challenging when the nervous system has been overtaxed and the brain is, you know, looping on this, you know, post-traumatic stress uh issue. Uh you it's you can't see the forest for the trees. And so it does take a healing space, it does take support and unwinding that. And we're learning so much about the brain and the body. They are one. You know, we felt like, you know, you felt like, well, my adrenals were crashed and my body's crashed, and you know, I can't, I can I'm exhausted. And that's one part of the response. And the other is the brain is still actively searching for what might be a trigger, right? Because those that brain plasticity where we've formed it over time, you know, we do have to go back and fix that. And so it's we have to unwind it and hopefully people can intervene in their, you know, issue before the crash. Uh, but we because the brain is plastic, we can change and it does just take that awareness. And, you know, so so many of us have these stories that we've had to have the struggle, and then we can kind of help others. But uh, I often used to say when I was teaching mindfulness, um uh, you know, in particular settings, people would get their bike, you know, in hospital settings, they would get there from a doctor referral. And I would say it does seem to take a precipitating event, you know, an accident or a diagnosis for people to show up. Um, and so I I think that when we can show up for ourselves and our loved ones, uh, you know, because many of us have other women in our lives who this applies to, when we can show up before we get to the dire straits of the situation and just find a way to have some mindful presence uh to to choose, you know, a more sovereign choice in some of these difficult, you know, relationships or life situations, that stops that process. Because when you are in your observer self, it's that same place where you're grounded and connected to your higher power, when you're there, you're not in hypervigilance. Right. So when we can short circuit the hypervigilance, which is a completely natural response, like a mother and their child, like you, that's natural. Of course, you would be in that place. But when you can circumvent it and continue to do so, this example where technology can be helpful, you can set a timer on your phone to go off every 30 minutes or every hour when you can retrain your brain to come back to center and just just one breath every time, you know, that you're in, and that's remodeling and and using that brain plasticity in your favor.

Gillian 38:02

Yes. Reminding yourself that you are safe. That's right. Absolutely. So important to do. And I I can I mean, I I can speak to everything that you're saying. I remember every time my son would wake up and he'd have a little cough. I would, I would start to spiral and I would be like, okay, I is this turning into another hospital visit? And it was him getting pneumonia that was the trigger for that breakdown that I had. So it all makes sense what you're saying. But also I want to note, I mean, as we were coming out of the hospital, COVID started. So that got piled on top, and we couldn't cross the border to go visit family. So that was piled on top. And I'm just witnessing all the things that are kind of being placed on our plates right now, everything that's going on in the world and the media. I mean, I'm I'm saying this because I want the people who are listening, especially the women, to give themselves some grace.

Modern Life And Chronic Overstimulation

SPEAKER_00 38:56

Yeah.

Gillian 38:56

How does modern life, including our phones, the overstimulation, the constant input, the news, the media, the scrolling, keep women, especially in chronic survival mode?

SPEAKER_00 39:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

It does. Modern life very much can do that. And I I I think that when we can look at exactly everything you just said and say, was I designed to manage that? You know, it it does not take uh anyone to have had advanced studies in in any really any field to look at it and say, this is not what humans were wired for. We have reached that point. So just knowing that, that I'm not, we are not meant to be exposed to so much blue light from our screens. We are not meant to uh have so many of these non-native uh uh you know EMFs going through our bodies with wireless and radio frequency. We're just all these things, we could just add them up. We're not meant to be exposed to so much chemical um toxins through our air, our water, our food. We're not meant to have so much overstimulation of the nervous system through our screens and through technology. We're not meant to constantly be trying to take in news or information of which we really, you know, certainly wouldn't have the time to actually vet as to its validity, as to the sources, as to how true it is. Like there's so many things that yeah, layers. And so, you know, without sounding like a conspiracy theorist, I would say I just I don't think that's by accident. I think that part of it has unfolded as to modern life, and part of it is very strategic because if you're stuck wound up in all of that, you're not paying attention to what's important. And so, you know, and some people might argue about what's important, but I do think that your uh capacity to be present and to connect to a higher power and to be guided by that is very important. And when you do that, then you lead others in your life to also value and make time make space and time for that. So I think that we can see all of it as very interesting. If we pull away, we're like, wow, look what's happened to society. This is so interesting. Um but I can't, you know, I can't rectify that that the the level and the intensity of this is by is just an accident. You know, I think that there's there are forces at play that want us to be really overstimulated and maybe we could even say led astray, right? You know, dumbed down, overstimulated, zombieified. Like it's so we have to pull away and say, this is, you know, I I'm not going to let myself get taken down this path of like, well, you know, you know, we look at transhumanism, for example, right? You know, just like that's like, wait, what a minute, uh uh, what's happening? You know, humans are humans. We don't need implants and we don't uh we have all of these amazing capacities that we haven't even touched into or explored, and that I think that that that's a huge piece of the distraction, right? Come back to you and cultivate what feels um powerful for you in the moment. And, you know, we've touched on some of those things: play, uh, connection to higher to higher power, your true self, um, cultivating those relationships that feed you and finding those things again that you reach for that and we can just delineate that aren't technology. You know, they're technology can help and it should serve us. But when it's distracting, overwhelming, and using us. Yeah, it's using us. You know, we all these things that that are free. Well, we're the we are the product. Yes, you know, our data and our attention is the product. So um remembering that, you know, your soul is here for a reason and and and it's not to to play video games and be on apps, you know. And I think that um that that's fine to have some play and to use technology, but to really, again, to have boundaries and to be a leader in your family for boundaries, especially with the next generation, it's really, really important.

Choosing Love Over Fear Narratives

Gillian 43:38

Yeah. Oh my goodness, Dr. Roe, this is such a this is such an important conversation. And it it's why I do the work that I do because I really do feel like we need to go back to basics.

SPEAKER_00 43:50

Yeah.

Gillian 43:51

We are experiencing a loneliness epidemic because we've we've lost sight of the importance of connection over anything else. So lonely. Layer onto all of that, women, especially, and men as well have been deprived of their village. So what are we to do with all of this? You can panic, you can get depressed, you can get anxious when you're focusing on all the problems and all of these layers that seem to be working against us. Or, like you said, come back to what you have control of. Turn off the noise. This is what stillness is all about. It is a choice, and we have the freedom to choose. We are not enslaved. We have the freedom to choose to be free. And I believe that we have the power to be free when we take back our space to be still and remember the things that matter most. So, as women, that's creating the space to heal yourself because you're saying that it is possible. It is possible. And when we heal ourselves, we can help to heal our families. We can help our husbands he. That has a ripple effect that is going to transform the world. That is what I'm focusing on. And it is, it is empowering. I'm I'm choosing faith, hope, and love over the fear that seems to be imposed on us right now. And I really can't comprehend a better way to go through this. There is no other way. I I would love to know your thoughts on that because it feels like that is the only way to come back to the the basics, the things that we know matter most or we need to be reminded matter most.

SPEAKER_01 45:53

Absolutely. It's that's very true. And I think that sometimes even just claiming, like you said, you know, I choose love. You know, so every time that the fear message comes, which is pretty much any time you're exposed to any headlines, um, you know, any news of any sort, or even, you know, in social media for people who are, you know, sharing those things, um, just to know what you're going to go to instead of taking it in mindlessly. Because when you take it in mindlessly, the nervous system will respond automatically to the threat. But if you see it and you recognize that this is the fear narrative, whether it's coming directly from a news source or someone who's sharing it, and you you recognize it and you say to yourself aloud if you can, if you're, you know, you're not worried about people running, I choose love and constantly remind yourself that you're in that place. You know, we saw some of the writing on the wall in 2020, and I think my daughter was only five or six, and we made these I choose love signs, and we put them everywhere in the house. We put them in the bathroom and by right where we wake up, and our signs are still there. I love it. And it was just very clear that we, that fear was being used and has continued to be used. And now we're what, six years into this where the amping up of fear narratives being used. And so every day I see those signs. I choose love. Yeah. And that is how, you know, this is a spiritual war, essentially, because it's that's what it comes down to. You know, it comes down to our sense of who we are, what we're connected to, how we got here from our creator. And so when we can re-reclaim what is our birthright, which is coming from the source of love, all throughout our day, I choose love, I choose love. That's, you know, that is a huge, like that is a win. You know, we may go through all kinds of things throughout a day, and we might have the hot sweats or the difficulty or the challenges or, but when we can keep coming back to something as powerful as choosing love and knowing what it means for us and creating that space of silence to anchor that in, that's a win. And so I think that, you know, in the face of all of that, to for people to remember that, don't go on the roller coaster ride that they're wanting your you to go on. It is a, excuse me, it is a biochemical hijacking that is not necessary. So when you can cultivate that space, which is the observer self, which we do when we're using the mindfulness skills, we don't see ourselves as in this and going for the ride and on, you know, getting taken for the ride. We see ourselves, yeah, as the observer noticing. And so that's in that way, we can take it in and say, oh, I see this happening now and that, and lots of the divide and the divisive. And isn't that interesting? Oh, they're really trying to kick up the divisiveness there. You know, we can observe, you know, but limit that and then always come back to what you're choosing. Because I do believe that uh we create our world and that there this we are all part of this field, and we have to choose what we're feeding the field. And we're either going to feed it the fear, and that's the the you know, the hijacking they want us to be kind of a part of and go off the ride, or we're going to be in our sovereignty and choosing something else. So when we can feed the field, yes, that's that's there, but I choose love. I choose love. It's much more powerful, and that does ripple, as you say. Uh, it ripples into every cell of our bodies, which helps us heal, and then it ripples all around us to our families and communities.

Gillian 49:35

Absolutely. And we can't underestimate the power of that love and that choice. And it does, it starts within our own hearts and our in our families. I I was chatting with my husband this morning, and I was chatting about this idea of when you receive fear, when you feel like it's being imposed on you, choosing to convert it to love. That's the power we hold. Absolutely. So every time something negative is thrown at us, you know, you can you can hold it, but then you convert it and you put it back into the world as love. It takes the power away. And uh that's just such a beautiful thing. It's such a beautiful invitation. And that's how we can respond. That's how we can be the change, be the healing in the world around us. So I feel like so many of us are losing hope and we're kind of just putting our head in the sand and getting into the fetal position, and we just don't want any more. We can't our nervous systems can't handle it. But what happens to our nervous system when we do this work, when we when we make this transition from fear to faith, hope, and love?

SPEAKER_01 50:43

Yeah, it's a huge, it's a huge shift when we can realize that we don't have to be victim to what's playing out. And just that recognition allows the nervous system to recalibrate. And then from there, we can unwind the the reactivity that's been built in if we have been plugged in a bit too much or choosing sides and all of that. We can recalibrate. And I think what you said so is so beautiful. Um, one of the things that that was required in my graduate school was Aikido training. And Aikido is a non-violent martial art. And um it's about being aware of energy. And so the whole concept was, you know, you can't really sit in a therapeutic container across from someone who's going to have intense emotions if you don't know how to blend and what we call step off the line, right? So I'm not receiving the anger and the frustration that someone is needing to voice. And so we've learned to really blend and transmute that energy. So when you feel it coming at you, thinking of that blending, like, you know, and using visualization, right? We're like gonna create this swirly gumball, you know, we're just like, yeah, it's just I'm move, I'm just swirling with it. And now it's this beautiful, you know, like those beautiful acrylic marble-like things. You know, we're just, and then I can transmute it and release it. But using that idea of that we do have the power to transmute these energies and these frequencies and energies are coming at us. Sometimes it's just overspray and sometimes it's direct hits, right? Like it's meaning to to to come at us and cause a response. And so we have to acknowledge that. And you can even, if you get really good at just, you can feel it in some of the headlines. You're like, oh wow, they're just direct hit there. They're just trying to like, you know, so you can see it. And my husband and I laugh about that. We're like, did you see this headline or that? You know, they're trying to get you riled and they're trying to aggravate you and pull you in and to choose a side. And so when you notice it, play that game and swirl it in your mind and then send it back out, you know, with love. Um, so we do have that capacity to transmute always and using imagination, play, visualization, really powerful. That is how everything is created. That's how, you know, we're many people, when we watch these Olympic athletes, you know, they visualize constantly. Yes, you know, and that's how they manifest. You know, obviously that's the training and everything else, but the visualization is, you know, we've known this since the 80s with the research they did before the 1984 Olympics. That's it's a it's powerful predictor of their success. So use your power of visualization, absolutely transmute those energies. It's beautiful.

Gillian 53:28

Transmute the energies. I absolutely love that. You asked when we were in in the green room chatting before this, how the weather was out here, because we're in New York and you're in Oregon on the other side of the country. But um something that I noticed, and I notice it more and more, that when a weather system is coming through, the headlines they evoke fear in us. I mean, we have a snowstorm coming through and they call it a blizzard. And it could be a blizzard, but there's all of these alerts, there's all of these triggers that make you fear the weather. And yes, there is weather. Like weather can be an incredibly serious thing. And I know that our leaders have to take responsibility to make sure everybody is notified and they're safe. But I feel like they can go about it in a way that makes people aware and and they make these, you know, these suggestions for how to stay safe. But you're right, the way they go about the headlines evokes fear, even with our weather. So when you're aware of that, you can make that shift. Okay, I see what's being done here. Exactly. And I feel like when enough of us do that, every dollar is a vote, every, every opinion is a vote, then we can start making some changes. But until we're aware of what's actually going on, we can't, we we don't have that power. So it's just little changes like that, where when you feel something, when you feel that fear start to rise in your body just from reading a headline, take a step back, be still, the power of the pause, and be aware of what's going on and decide how you're going to respond to it with love, as you said. You know, faith, faith over fear.

SPEAKER_01 55:17

Absolutely. So true.

Signs Of Dysregulation And Rhythm

Gillian 55:20

So Dr. Roe, I would love for you to explain if somebody is feeling off today and they and they don't know why. Can you help our listeners understand what it what it looks and feels like to be dysregulated? And and then some advice you have for how they can build rhythm into their day to start to regulate.

SPEAKER_01 55:45

Yeah, I think you know, dysregulation is uh it's gonna look and feel a little bit different for each person, but I think that anyone who's felt this will relate to it. And it can happen. Um, it can even happen just from the barometric pressure changing. We can kind of feel a little bit like our system is, you know, something's physiologically happening and we're not sure what it is, right? So we can feel wired and tired, we could feel agitated, um, we could feel um some sometimes compulsed, you know, like I'm compelled to do something. I don't know why. Like there's there's things driving my um choices and actions that I'm I'm not fully in control of. That that's often how that dysregulation shows up. It also can show up as, you know, difficulty um uh modulating your uh body temperature, you know, our autonomic nervous system is going to be reactive. We could um suddenly feel you know more saliva. We can, you know, there's so many physiological things. We could have difficulty swallowing, um, obviously all the different body complaints, um anything that the vagus nerve touches, which is all of the major organs, so we could have difficulty digesting or feel our stomach is off, any of these things can kind of point to dysregulation. Uh and I think we've just, you know, for many decades just medicated these things, right? So, oh, you have a tummy ache or you have acid, you know, or you, you know, you just take a medicine. So, but this is our body saying, oh, you know, the nerves are activated, there's there's something um that needs to be addressed here. So, you know, when we feel that activation, um, and trying to, in terms of trying to get more rhythm, there are a few different things. Uh one I mentioned earlier, the cold washcloth on the neck to touch into the vagus uh nerve. Uh you also cold water on the face, uh, cold exposure to the face can uh also help with um vagus nerve. There's different techniques for vagus nerve stimulation, um, breath work, humming uh, or toning. Um also one of the things I use a lot and was a part of uh Dr. Flint's process healing is um the tapping. So using the different um uh meridian endpoints for tapping, that can be a huge help to people to shift because it is um, you know, essentially gonna cause that parasympathetic to re-engage. And so, and so with breath or with tapping, you'll notice suddenly a big yawn. Um, you'll notice a uh, you know, you might even have a little burp or something, but that's that parasympathetic re-engaging. So those are some of the tools that I think are really helpful to um, you know, to reach for. And and there are lots of resources people can find. You can find books on tapping at the library, you can find tapping resources, you know, on um on YouTube and many different places. You know, I have uh a resource available to people for uh three different breathing techniques that help tell your nervous system you're safe. So those breathing techniques that I um walk through in the guide that's available at my site uh will help you actually get to that place where the nervous system calms and the parasympathetic re-engages. So using those kinds of tools and knowing that it's kind of like um, you know, our it's like there's a gear shifted in our system. And just like you can't look at the car that's in neutral and be like, I don't know what to do. I what about, you know, you actually have to grab the gear shift and put it into the gear you want. And that's what we kind of have to think of with our nervous systems. They've been exposed to so much dysregulation. Um, and many of the things that that I mentioned earlier that we uh are managing in our environments and in our bodies affect our vagus nerve. And so we do have to grab that gear shift, if you will, and sort of help re-engage um the nervous system. But also just um stimulating the ear, massaging the ears uh in the different points on the ear can help uh re-engage the parasympathetic. So thinking of it as when I'm feeling that way and I can't unfeel this, like I'm having trouble, we do need to help. And so um looking at techniques for helping to activate the parasympathetic. And of course, the easiest are the breath, uh the tapping. You know, these are simple things we can do in the bathroom, in the shower that just help pull us back.

Gillian 1:00:23

Yeah, absolutely. And I'm also thinking about more practical things like that that can also serve your family baking and spending time in the kitchen, cooking a meal. Absolutely. Bringing you know, your loved ones into that space. So you're creating, you know, these these scent um memories for them and all of these things. There's just there's so much we can do to slow down and to release that that sense of urgency that we constantly feel, especially when we're dysregulated.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:53

Absolutely. Feet on the ground, go out and you know, check in on your trees. Start a garden. Start a garden if you're not worried about neighbors thinking you're crazy, hug a tree. You know, we are blessed with having a forest all around us, and um the trees are just magical. Yeah, there's a lot of beautiful energy. So embracing nature, a huge way to re-engage that parasympathetic.

Gillian 1:01:18

Yes, just listening to the birds. Yeah, yes. I think I think that's something that I read. When you listen to the birds in the morning, it calms your nervous system because when the birds are singing, it means that you're safe.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:31

Yeah, absolutely.

How To Work With Dr. Roe

Gillian 1:01:33

So this was just such a beautiful conversation and so necessary. I I needed it today. Um, I've spoken with a couple clients recently. Everybody is feeling this.

unknown 1:01:44

Yeah.

Gillian 1:01:44

And uh I so appreciate the work that you do, and I appreciate the fact that that you followed your calling and that you're here to help people, as you said. You set out to help people and you just did by sharing the wisdom and the knowledge that you have. So thank you so much for being here. I would love for you to share how people can connect with you and how they can work with you.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:05

Sure, absolutely. They can find uh more information about me at my site. It's uh drrochellevote.com. And uh if you did the after that forward slash gift, that's how you can access that uh power of presence guide. And um, you know, you can also reach out to me through my website. And yeah, I'm happy to to um, you know, connect with people, um do a 45-minute free consult to see what the challenges are and what next steps might be best. And, you know, really is my um my honor and you know such a blessing to help work with people to um to make shifts and release emotional intensity around trauma and really create a life that they love.

Gillian 1:02:50

Absolutely. And I I do believe it's your greatest gift, not only to yourself and your family, but to the world right now, is to understand how to regulate yourself. Because when you do, you receive this clarity and this peace, and you're able to respond with love. So I I encourage you to reach out to Dr. Roe. I'm sitting here with her, and she just looks like a beautiful soul. And um, again, I appreciate you being here. I hope you have a wonderful day. Thank you. This was wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:21

It was my pleasure. Thanks so much.

Gillian 1:03:23

Mine too. Take care. You too.

Final Takeaways And Listener Invite

Gillian 1:03:27

Dr. Roe, I can't thank you enough. What a powerful conversation that was today. What I hope you're walking away with is this you're not broken and you're not failing, and you are not too sensitive for feeling the weight of the world. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do: protect you. But protection isn't the same as alignment. In a culture fueled by urgency and fear, steadiness becomes a quiet act of leadership. The practices we discuss today: conscious breathing, somatic awareness, cultivating presence, these are not small things. They are how we shift from survival to intention, from reaction to response, from chaos to clarity. If this conversation stood out to you, if you felt like it was absolutely necessary to hear this right now, I encourage you to explore Dr. Rowe's free guide, the healing power of presence. I also encourage you to share this episode with as many people that you know. Because when we become regulated, we take back our power. We take back our clarity, and that is needed more than ever. I'd like to leave you with this. Stillness isn't weak. It's it's not a withdrawal, it's taking a quiet step back to just recalibrate and understand how you can take back your power to step into the world exactly how it is. And don't forget, remember the power of the pause and be still and live. Thank you for listening to Be Still and Live. As always, my hope is that this conversation offered you a little more space. Space to breathe, to listen, and to come home to what matters most. If this episode resonated with you, I invite you to subscribe to the show and consider sharing it with someone who could use a little more space or clarity right now. That simple act helps this work reach the people who need it most. If you're ready for a gentle next step, you can begin with Fog to Freedom in the show notes or at saleocoaching.com. Until next time, be still and live.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:57

This podcast is produced mixed.

Production Credits

SPEAKER_00 1:06:00

and edited by Cardinal Studio. For more information about how to start your own podcast, please visit www.cardinalstudio.co or email Mike at mike at cardinalstudio.co. You can also find the details in the show notes.