When Trust Breaks: Is Reconciliation Is Possible (Part 3)

After betrayal, separation, or deep disappointment, many people feel pressured to make life-changing decisions before they've had time to heal. 

In this episode, we share why you don't have to have every answer right now, how to discern what you truly want, and the signs that can help you determine whether reconciliation is possible. 

If you're feeling overwhelmed, confused, or unsure about what comes next, this conversation will encourage you to slow down, seek God's wisdom, and move forward with hope, clarity, and confidence.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You ready?

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_01 0:02

All right. Welcome back to another episode of the Marriage Ignite podcast with Mike and Janelle Friedrich. We're honored that you're here. And thank you for being a part of this journey with us. We're honored that you're tuning in. And if this message resonates with you and you think this message would mean a lot to somebody that you know, love, and care about, just please share it with them. And if you could also do a huge, huge favor and give us a rating in the rating section, give us five stars. That would mean the world to us. Thank you so much. So that just allows us to get this out to more people. And so let's jump in. We're going to finish off our series that we've been doing on trust. We're going to be doing part three, which is determining what you really want and whether reconciliation is possible. And so it's been a few weeks.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

It has. It has been a few weeks. Sorry about that. We had some sickness come through our home. The kids and Mike were so sick, and then they would feel better and then get sick again. And then we went on an incredible vacation to our hometown. So we've been out. We've missed you. We've been trying to work.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Well, let's uh let's jump in. And so our over the last couple episodes, um, we've been walking through this process and talking through the process of rebuilding trust after betrayal and deep hurt. And in part one, we talked about healing from what happened to you because trust can be rebuilt, and the wound though has to be acknowledged and healed. So that was part one. Then part two, we talked about moving beyond the anger and choosing forgiveness, because forgiveness is what frees you from um, you know, really being trapped in in anger.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

It's oxygen, it's the oxygen you breathe. We have to be master forgivers in everything with everyone.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Yeah. Because if we don't allow the forgiveness to happen, what happens is we become trapped in what someone else did to us. And so today, what we want to do is we want to take that next step and talk about determining really what you want and whether reconciliation is even possible. And sometimes that's really hard to discern when you're in the middle of the mess. And this is where a lot of people find themselves after betrayal because maybe they're exhausted. There's confusion, there's hurt, and there's really not, you know, so the question is, well, what do I do now? Do I stay? Do I leave? And and what I want one thing I want to encourage all of you that are listening to this is not focus so much on that big question of should I stay or should I leave, but more about how do I make a wise decision? Because that is where a lot of wives and husbands they get stuck. So what I'm saying is that you don't have to decide everything today, but what you do need to do is you need to start discerning where God is leading you. And so there are really four points we we want you to consider and we want you to pray on, and we want you to start reflecting on.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Yeah, and I want to say this um as you're listening to the podcasts, and maybe the podcast might not pertain to you in that moment, we want you to still lean in because often it's something you're either walking through, you're about to walk through, you may walk through in the future, or you're gonna help someone walk through. And so we really want you to take every podcast and go, wow, what can I glean from this? What can I learn from this? How can I lean in in this? Because trust gets broken often, sometimes in marriages, in relationships, in business. And so you can really take this training and use it for all of your relationships, not just your marriage, even though we are focusing on marriage. We really want you to get healthy in all of your relationships with your children, with people that you work with, uh, people you do business with, people from church. And this is really key to rebuilding back trust. Absolutely. Okay, so let's talk about point number one. And we deal with this a lot. And this one is the pressure to make a decision. And one of the biggest mistakes that we see people make, um, husbands or wives, um, when there's betrayal, uh, when there's been trust broken, infidelity, whatever it may be, is the feeling like they have to figure out the rest of their life immediately. It's like they they got to know everything now. I need a plan now. I've got to figure it all out now. Do I stay? Do I leave? Do I file? Do I fight? Do I keep hoping? Do I move on? Do I move out? Right. And it's it can get really overwhelming. And so what will what we see happen is we see the husband or wife making a decision emotionally, and they're not making a decision from wisdom. Right. Right. And um, and then they're wanting an answer now when often that doesn't happen. And the truth is after a major betrayal, you're often making decisions when you're still in a lot of pain and you're still bleeding. And maybe there's still anger, resentment, bitterness. And what we'll have clients do, and we see this happen a lot when they come to us, they wish that they would have done something different. Yeah. They wish they would have handled things different. They knew they were responding and reacting and doing out of emotion. And they look back and go, wow, things would have looked so different. We would have moved into building trust and reconciliation faster if I wouldn't have responded from my emotions. Now, let me say this: your emotions are real. Emotions are from God, they're real, but we don't want to make decisions. We don't want to react. We don't want to respond from our emotions. And um, and so it can really cause things to be um off track because pain and fear will often distort your um perspective. And that's why we spent the first two episodes talking about healing and forgiveness, because we really want you to heal. We really want you to forgive. And um, and and until you do those two things, then you it's really hard to make really wise decisions because wisdom becomes much easier when your soul starts becoming healthy again, when you're responding emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually in a healthy place. And that can sometimes take a lot of healing and a lot of um help to be able to do that. And so what we really recommend you do in this situation is to seek God. Really spend time with him, fast and pray. And then I want to say this if you seek godly counsel, be careful who you share with. Be careful who you share with with what's going on. Be careful, the friends, the family members. I think we've talked about this before in another episode, but we're gonna talk about it again because this is like we have literally seen families destroyed because the um we'll see a wife that gets really angry because the husband has there's been infidelity, and then she tells everybody in the family, and then the family can't get over it, and they have a hard time with supporting her because now she wants to build back the marriage. So does he. And then there's this distorted view of the husband because she went out and shared all the dirty laundry. And so we want you to be really careful on who you share with, but also when you're seeking godly counsel, um, make sure that a lot of people, I mean, they say they're Christians. A lot of people say they are Christian counselor, Christian therapist. And it's like, that's that, okay, that's good. But you really, I believe, Mike and I believe, and we believe here at Marriage Ignite, a holy spirit-filled person, someone who is a God-fearing that really supports you as a team, your husband and wife and your family. Um, like us, we're Team Friedrich, and we want people to support Team Friedrich. And they really are on your side for the marriage being restored, reconciled, and healed. And so, really, really be careful on who you're seeking counsel from.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

Absolutely. Well, you said it earlier, but when anger is high, wisdom is low. Ooh, that's so good. So please slow down, and we're gonna talk more about this in a second. I have a client that I'm working with right now, they're rebuilding trust, and you know, she did exactly what you said don't do, because she went out and told all of her family. And then, of course, whose side is the family gonna take? They're gonna take her side because it's their daughter. And so now it's just kind of an awkward thing. He they're doing a family trip, and it's just he's trying to figure out okay, it's just really awkward. And so and so we understand the anger. Yes, emotions are real, but they may not always be telling you the truth, and most of the time they're not. Hope that makes sense. Emotions are real, but they're not always telling you the truth.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

Well, because what we'll do is we'll respond because we're so angry, so resentful, we can't think clearly. We just want, we want to feel better, and we think that by going and telling people we're gonna feel better when actually it can make the situation way worse.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

Yeah. All right, so let's move to point two. Point one was the pressure to make a decision. So point two is you don't have to have it all figured out right now. And some of you really, really need to hear this today. You don't have to have the entire future figured out right now. Do not what we call future trip. Oh so another way to say this is when you worry, you're thinking about the future without God in it. I want me to say that again. When you worry, you're thinking about the future without God in it. So you don't have to know exactly what your marriage is going to look like in six months from now, or even what your spouse will decide what he or she wants to do next. And what a lot of people end up doing is they end up making a permanent decision while they're still gathering information. And that's not always wise. There are reasons and seasons, okay? There are seasons that God is gonna walk you through for a specific reason because he's not asking you to decide everything right now, he's asking you to discern. And that's not easy to do when emotions are high. So this is where you gotta slow down. Yes, slow down is so good.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

All right, slow down your life. Um, get into prayer. It's okay to be still, be still to know God.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Yes, sometimes being still seems being still seems unproductive.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Yes. And I when and when you're in a lot of pain, it's actually really hard to be still because we had a major business failure and there was so much pressure to make it a financial decision.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

And I remember that time where you said, no, we're gonna sit and we're gonna go.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

And that's what often we'll do is we think it's gonna be greener on the other side or better on the other side when we haven't really sat down and processed with God and contemplated with Him and asked questions. And so that's the third point is start asking really good questions. And so in instead of immediately asking, should I stay or leave, start asking questions like, what would I like to see happen? This is huge. What would healing actually look like? Because maybe the both of you have never done any healing from childhood. You've never, you, you both come from really messed up childhoods. Maybe one of you didn't have a dad. Uh, maybe there was abuse, sexual abuse, things that are really serious that need to be dealt with, and they never were. And then you came into the marriage trying to fix each other, and it's really caused. And um marriage brings, we say it this way, marriage brings things to the surface.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

And so that's good news because you want to be healed from those things. And so often a storm like this will happen, where there's been trust, been broken, infidelity, betrayal, and then this, this all the stuff starts coming up. And actually, we say this all the time, it's good news because now you can actually start healing and start walking in your identity and start walking in who God has called you to be because you finally have decided to look at those things and deal with those things and heal from those things because they're affecting you. They're affecting your marriage, they're affecting the way you parent, they're affecting everything in your life. And so when you start asking questions, like, what would change need like, like to occur for trust to grow again? So let me say that again. What would what would what would need to change? Yeah, like what would need what would change need to happen? Like what kind of change would need to happen for trust to grow again? What would restoration look like? Start journaling these things. Also, you gotta really think about who is involved. Who are you fighting for? We have wives say all the time, the children, I don't want to destroy the family. I don't want to break up the family, I don't want to be another divorced family. There's divorce. Like in in my generations, there was divorce. And so I I was like, uh-uh, we are no way. Uh-uh, I am not letting the enemy win on this one. I am breaking off the generational curses. Our generation, we're breaking off alcoholism, we're breaking off divorce, we're breaking off just uh just stuff that needs to be broken off. And then another really good question is is there a better picture that that simply what happened to me? Like, is there a bigger picture? So if you is there a bigger picture than what simply happened to you? So you got to think of yes, this did happen. The betrayal is real, the pain's real. But what is the bigger picture?

SPEAKER_01 14:44

What could God be doing in this moment?

SPEAKER_00 14:47

And that's really, really hard to do. It's really hard to change your perspective and go, wow, I deal with control. This was so I'm talking about me, Janelle. This was me. I was controlling, I emasculated Mike, I was all over the place. I would jump at making decisions, I wanted things my way. I like, I mean, I just and I had me really look at the bigger picture when some of these things began to happen to Mike and I, when there was infidelity, when there was alcoholism, and and go, wow, I need to look in the mirror. There's something bigger here. And this is really, really hard to do. And I'm not saying that what happened to you is like, oh, now it's my fault. No, but what we can do is go, God, what do you want me to learn in this season? Right. God, what do you want me to know? What do you want me to do? And it's and it's start asking better questions because that's how you then begin to grow.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Yes. Yeah. And that scripture that comes to mind as you're talking is what the enemy meant for evil. God's going to turn around for his glory. And that's a big reason why we're doing what we do today because we heard someone else's testimony. They use their story as their ministry. And we said in that moment, I'm at least for me, I remember, so that's us. And maybe you're thinking, you know what? I want to be a testimony for others to heal. Because the hell that you may be walking through right now is so that God can develop a muscle within you to help someone else through the pain that they're walking through. I hope you guys got that.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

Or, or this too, it's how do you raise your children? Sometimes when you go through something really dark like this and really heavy and really and a lot of pain, and you get through it on the other side, you're able to help your children. You're able to disciple and to discern and to pour into your children in a whole new way. I mean, there's so much I you know, this is so hard to believe, but we've walked through a lot of pain in our marriage, honey. And I look back and go, wow, I know that pain was on purpose. Yeah. That pain was so that we can help other people's walk out and or help other people walk out. And and and then, you know, I can look back at the pain and go, wow, I've just become a better mom. I mean, I've become a better wife. I I I'm more patient, I'm more kind, I'm more compassionate. Um, I'm and again, not perfect. Um, and but it's it's really made me a better person.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Yeah. Do you remember that movie we were watching with the family about a week ago? It was about that guy that got burned. He blew up his house. He was playing with fire. Anyway, I don't remember the name of the movie. I wish I did, but it just came to me. Anyway, he got burned over 90% of his body, and the doctors gave him a 1% chance of living. He was like 10 years old, and he was playing with fire and blew up his garage. And anyway, he ended up surviving miraculously. And he ended up becoming a motivational speaker and became hugely famous, wrote a book, of course. And as he was doing a speech where he was talking to a classroom of these younger kids, and one of the kids asked, asked him, Do you regret or do you wish something to the effect of, do you wish this never happened to you? And he thought about it for a moment and he said, No, I'm glad it did, because what it did is it taught me so much more that I would have never been able to learn had I not gone through this. And I'm thinking to myself, Oh my God, that's a whole nother level of being able to see the bigger picture of what God is doing. Now, no one wants to get burned over 90% of the body, but but there is no shortcutting sometimes what God is trying to do in you. And you have to walk through the pain to get the lesson that God wants you to get. Now, am I saying that you have to walk through infidelity to get good lessons in marriage? No, I'm not saying that at all. But again, any season that you go through that's hard can be redeemed.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

All right. So let's, why don't we move into number four, which is sometimes you don't know who you're dealing with yet. And this is huge. And so many wives and husbands, they think to themselves, I don't know if I can trust this person again because I don't know if this person really wants the marriage anymore. And a lot of spouses that we work with don't know who they're dealing with yet. And what do we mean by that? You don't know if the person is going to be defensive, you don't know if they're gonna humble themselves, if they're gonna own what they're what they've done. You don't know if they're gonna stop lying. You don't know if you're gonna be able to figure out if they're telling you the truth. And you don't know whether or not they're actually gonna get help for what they did to you. And so what I'm saying is you don't know if um they're genuinely gonna change. I think that's the ultimate question is are they gonna change? And that's a hard one to really discern in the moment because here's what I know is that time, pressure, and humility is what is gonna reveal the character. And you may not know that today. And you may not even know that six months from now, which is why wisdom often looks like going back to what I was talking about before, slowing down, uh, paying attention and watching really, really carefully. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Yeah. Well, that's really good. And we we work with a lot of people. Um, you know, I work with, I specialize with working with the wives, and Mike works with the husbands, and then we bring, you know, if it's a couple that we're working with, we bring them together multiple times, but we believe in working with you separately to do a lot of deep work and get to a lot of root um um issues and things like that. And we we get a lot of women, or I get a lot of women that they really go through this season, which is real, um, or moments of why me. I I can't believe this happened. Like, this is not my husband. Um why I wish this would have never happened. Why did this betrayal happen to me? And they actually want the old marriage back. They actually want um things to go back to normal. And I'm like, well, wait, were things even good?

SPEAKER_01 20:56

What's normal?

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Like, what's normal? And was there a lot of dysfunction? And they're like, yes, lots of dysfunction. And I'm like, well, then you don't want to go back to that. Like, you don't want to go back to the old marriage. You, you, you want a new marriage, right? Right? The old marriage is dead. Okay, you've got the memories, and you've there may be children and things like that. Hear me when I say that. But like, no, you want a new marriage. You want a new you, you want a new husband, you want a new marriage, you want a new beginning, you want your marriage founded on God. Okay, God is number one, then your marriage, then your children, then work, everything else. Um, you want God as the center. And when I asked the question, was God the center of your marriage? Every single one of them said no. And some of them said, Well, it used to be, but then we've gotten off track, or we used to be, you know. I thought we'd be. Yeah. And um, and so what we really encourage is it's like, no, you need a new marriage. And actually, you're gonna be the the catalyst, you're the gateway into that happening.

SPEAKER_01 21:59

Okay. So that's good. Very good. Now how do you determine if reconciliation is even possible?

SPEAKER_00 22:05

Ooh, that's such a good one.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

And notice I didn't ask whether or not trust is possible. Trust is gonna come after reconciliation. Trust and reconciliation are two very different things. The first question that needs to be answered is reconciliation even possible? Okay, because they're two different things. Reconciliation means that you're moving back towards a relationship. Trust means that you have confidence that it can be rebuilt. And trust comes later. So let me talk about remorse and regret because this is really important because we're talking about trust and reconciliation. So how do you determine that? And you gotta look at remorse versus regret. And another thing that we we tell this to couples all the time, you've got to learn the difference between the two because regret means that you hate the consequences, or the person that got caught. Hey, they have regret because they hate, you know, that the old saying is like you just hate that you got caught. Yeah. You know, whereas remorse is very different. It says, I hate what I did, I hate the pain that I put you through. It kills me that I I hurt you to the to the level that I did. Wow, that's it. That is a very, very different thing. And if you have a spouse that is voicing things like that, then you've got something to build on. Because if if someone is genuinely remorseful, you're gonna feel it and you're gonna see it, not just in words, but in behavior.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Well, real quick, because we see often too that um there's so much shame when the one that has betrayed their spouse, there's so much shame that they don't even know how to remorse. Like they don't know how to repent. They don't, the shame is so deep and the enemy has such a foothold on them that we've even seen where the wife begins to work on herself and begins to heal and begins to forgive and to love again and all these things, to where then the husband comes around and realizes, wow, we're gonna get through this. And then he repents and he's remorseful because I'm telling you, shame and guilt can bring you so down dark, deep into a deep hole. And so we've seen that happen all the time. That's why we work with so many wives, because they will come and be like, I need help. I know, I know I want to stay in the marriage, I know that I don't want to leave, I know that I don't want to destroy my family, but he's not repentant, he's not remorseful, he's lying, he's still doing all the things, and we really help them begin to intercede, begin to um war for their life, um, uh for their husband's life, for the marriage, all these things and really help with bringing their husband back alive again and the veil being removed from his eyes. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Yeah. So good. Cool. Okay. Okay. So then let's talk about real quick because then we're gonna, we're gonna talk about a couple more things, but let's talk about um like what does um if someone is fully honest, okay, and fully remorseful, fully apologetic, and they really desire to make things right, then forgiveness can move into reconciliation. Now, hear me, just like Mike said, this doesn't mean trust has been restored. It simply means that restoration process can begin. And um, the restoration and reconciliation process can begin. So it's a very important distinction because reconciliation says that I've I've accepted your apology. And then trust says, now let's see if your actions match your words. This is key because you can accept the person's apology. But then if they aren't, their actions aren't meeting up. And again, this is where you have to get help. It's important that you get professional help because often the men or women, like the husband and wife, they don't know what to do. They don't know how to uh reconcile and to heal and to trust, and they're going from their own fleshly things because they've been in the dark for so long that they don't even know what to do. And so that's why it's really important that you get help in that situation.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Yeah. And this is why wisdom is so critical, because not everybody is gonna be safe. Not everybody, not every spouse is gonna be repentant, and not every spouse is gonna tell you the truth. And so this is where we can't tell you on a podcast what your decision should be.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

Because every story's different.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

Very different. And and this is where you've got to be able to discern and be able to take it to God. And wisdom helps you know whether to stop, whether to move forward slowly, whether to continue watching, whether you know, maybe you need to begin trusting again, or whether you need to put strong boundaries in place. And you're like, okay, well, how do I put in boundaries? And again, the boundaries are very, very specific to your situation. And so, and sometimes, you know, there may be what we call a controlled separation that needs to happen, where you know, you guys need to move out temporarily as long as you guys are getting help. What we see often is that when couples sometimes separate, they just separate with no plan. And that's a dangerous place to be in because the longer that you separate, the more the enemy can come in and to divide. So that's why it goes back to what Janelle was saying, get help. Do not do this alone, because there is a plan and there is a pathway forward, as long as there's you you can move towards reconciliation.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

Well, yes. And if there is any sort of abuse, you feel unsafe, the kids are unsafe, like you, you need to get professional help. And often there is where there needs to be a separation in in that situation, but really get professional help depending upon what your situation is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

And by the way, we we are so for marriage, separation is one of the last resorts.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

And again, that's a very uh But it can be really helpful and it can be very healing.

SPEAKER_01 28:08

But you need to be in bury wisdom and prayer in this one.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

Yeah, you need help uh in a separation. And then so we want to talk about the um we you and I were talking uh before we hopped on the the podcast about having the how do I say this? Actually, let me share a story about one of our clients because this will really help cut kind of put this in perspective. But we had a wife come to us and her husband had cheated on her. He had moved out, they had one child together, and she found us and was like, why, why, why do I have to do this? Like he doesn't want help. He's moved on. Like, why, why, why do I have to do this? Why am I the one that has to get help? He's the one that cheated on me. And I was like, Well, you're the one here. He's not. And so we're let's work on this together and let's begin the process of healing you and begin the process of uh strategy, um, things that you can do to begin healing the marriage. And anyway, that's been this beautiful testimony of um the him coming back, moving back into the home. I mean, he just couldn't believe they began going to church. Um, and next thing you know, they're up on stage sharing their testimony on church. I mean, he just was open to everything because he then was like, I want to help people. I mean, it was just beautiful on what happened. Now they have two more children, so they have three children all together. And it's just unbelievable what God's doing in their church, what God's doing in their life. And but I remember her just having these feelings of, why, why do I have to do this? Why is it me? And so what I want to do here is I want to I want to address something really important. And we did talk about this just a little earlier, but if you've been betrayed, it is not your fault. Let me say that again. If you've been betrayed, it's not your fault. Betrayal is a one-person decision. Their sin belongs to them. Their choices belong to them, their behavior belongs to them. We're not talking about victim blaming. We're not saying you caused it. We're not saying that you deserved it. We're not saying that you should have prevented it. Absolutely not. But here's what we are saying is when you've been hurt, there's still tremendous value in asking, how can I become healthier? And this is what I helped our client do. How can I become stronger? How can I become emotion more emotionally healthy? How can I react differently? How can I respond differently? Um, because growth is always beneficial. When we make the decision to give our life to Jesus and we move in this sanctification process, we are to be growing every single day. We are to be growing more like Jesus. The moment that we think that we've arrived, the moment that we think that we know everything, the moment that we think that we're never going to make a mistake and that we're not going to fall short, we are like, I mean, we're you're dead. You're dead if you think that. If you're dead, if you think that you've arrived, like, wow. But you know, and so this is really about being open to growing. And um, not because you're responsible for their behavior, but because you're responsible for stewarding your own life. And when you become a godly woman and you become a godly wife or a godly husband, and you begin to love the Lord, and he became he begins to be your first husband, and he begins to be this, your savior, but not only the Lord of he he also becomes the Lord of your life. You begin to respond and react and do things differently, and it can make a huge impact on the marriage. Oh, yeah. And and and actually move you towards saving the marriage. We've seen it happen over and over and over and over again.

SPEAKER_01 31:52

We have.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

And even in our own marriage.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

So well, the client that you're talking about, the thing that I remember that she did really well, and it was the hardest thing that she had to do, is she um she's um how do I say this? She had so much humility. And I remember this activation that we had her do, this honor and respect exercise where she would go to her husband anytime that she remembered where she dishonored him or she emasculated him, she would she would ask for uh his forgiveness on what she did. And this was like, wait a minute, why is she having to do this? But here's what it did. Here's how you went in the spiritual realm is that she humbled herself. She she didn't own what he did, she was owning her part of it. Now, again, another disclaimer, she didn't cause it. So understand, I'm not saying that you caused anything, but she did something that most people will never do is she was willing to look at okay, where was my part in this? And she started uh apologizing. And this is what had him stand back, and he's like, What happened to my wife? Wow, who is this? Who is this person? And he began to melt, and he this is what the wife he was what he was wanting for so long, and this is why their marriage is thriving now. The world is gonna tell you, beat it, move on, you don't deserve this, find a new man. That's what the world is gonna tell you to do. But she did something different. So, as we close this and we wrap up the series, what we want to do is we want to leave you with this. You don't have to have all the answers today, and you don't have to know exactly how this is gonna look or how your story is gonna end, but you do need to ask the questions that Janelle was talking about earlier. And you need to begin discerning on what you really want, and you need to begin evaluating whether you know, reconciliation is still truly possible.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Yeah, that's so good. Because healing reveals what happened, forgiveness frees your heart, wisdom helps you determine what comes next. And regardless of what your spouse chooses, God wants to lead you forward with clarity, strength, and peace. That's right. And so if you are dealing with betrayal and infidelity and pain, like we're praying for you. We are literally, we literally, even our social media, our podcasts, our clients, people who buy our courses, like we pray for you and think about you all the time because our heart hurts for what you're going through. There's no way that we could do what we do without feeling compassion and feeling love and um for what you've walked through. And so keep doing the work by pursuing your healing. And remember, rebuilding trust is a process. And so if this is really speaking to you, yeah, you don't want to continue trying to figure this out on your own. We want you to like maybe consider joining us in our wise wife's intensive or our husbands of valor intensive. Uh, we do have courses that you can do also. But when we do the intensive, we really design something specifically for your marriage and really help you with whatever it is that you're walking through. And it can be you. If you're the wife and you're like, my husband isn't on board, then you get help. Same thing with the husband. And um, and then whatever you do, I'm gonna say this again, and we say this often on the podcast because we really have people try to figure out things on their own and you actually can make things worse. And then we've also heard that people will go to certain um counselors or therapists and it made things worse. And then we they come to us and we're like the the last resort. And so don't isolate yourself. Don't um uh do this path alone. If you have tried getting help through other people and it didn't work, um, we would love to speak with you. We'd love to see if we're a good fit for you. And um, and just make sure that you're very careful on who you're speaking to, who you're getting wise counsel from, because that can make a it can make a huge difference on what happens next. And so we just appreciate you. Um, you can find all of our details um down in the show notes. And we'll see you on the next episode of Marriage Ignite and God bless. Have a wonderful day.