You Prayed for Your Marriage...Then Told the Wrong Person

Could one hidden habit be quietly destroying your marriage without you even realizing it? 

In this episode, we expose the "silent marriage killer" that gives the enemy a foothold, poisons your heart, and can slowly erode trust, intimacy, and even your family's future.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

You ready?

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

All right, let's go. All right. Welcome back to another episode of the Marriage Ignite podcast with Mike and Janelle Friedrich. Do we need to start over or are you okay?

SPEAKER_00 0:15

No, we're good.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

Joy is in the air. All right. Welcome back, everybody. And we are diving into kind of a, I don't want to say a part two, but last week we talked about complaining and the power of our words. And so we're going to get into something that we feel is a real silent marriage killer that a lot of people don't talk about. And what we mean by that is we're going to be talking about gossip. And I don't think any of us would really consider ourselves gossipers. I don't think I would, but it's one of those silent things that we sometimes disguise as, oh, we're just venting. We're just casually talking about it. But here's what I want you to know is that every time that we speak negatively about each other or about your spouse or about even someone else, we cannot help solve the problem because you are planting seeds of dishonor. And those seeds eventually are going to grow into distrust. Distrust? Did I just make up a word? I think I did.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

It's okay, keep going. I don't know. Distrust, right? Is what you're trying to say. That's it.

unknown 1:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

I totally just made up a word, I think. Okay, division, isolation. That's what's bred when we start gossiping. And we're going to break down what gossiping means because again, I don't think any of us would say, yeah, that's me. But basically what's happening is our words, they don't simply describe your marriage, they're shaping it. So even if we're not talking about our spouse, the words that are coming out of our mouth, if they're gossiping, they are going to be shaping who we are and it's going to be shaping our marriage.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Now, well, and shaping your life.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Shaping your life, the atmosphere that you're in. I mean, it will shape everything. And we don't realize that we could be gossiping over here with a friend about another friend at church, but then it's actually affecting our marriage, or it's affecting the way we parent, or it's affecting all different types of things in our life. We don't look at it like that.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Yeah. Well, years ago, I think both of us, we heard this quote that I think really it both stuck with us. And that quote is great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events. Small minds are going to discuss people.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Ooh, that is so good. Say it one more time.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Wow. Like I want that to land for a minute. Wow. Well, um, honey, before you and I got on, we were talking about just this topic and how it's talked about, but it's not really talked about, um, and how important it is in our marriage, how important it is in our life. And I remember back in 2001. So this was 25 years ago. I mean, we've been we've been together 27 years. So uh back in 2001, my mom had come to you and I and said, hey, you need to do this intensive. And it was a three-day intensive. She said she would pay for it for us to do it. And we went on this journey of just discovering personal growth. We were young. We were, I mean, we were what, 20-ish, 21?

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Maybe 22, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Yeah. And so I'm like, wow, I'm 48 right now. Um, and um, but it was back in 2001. And I remember in this three-day intensive, I mean, it was a shift that happened in our life. Um, but in this intensive, we learned about integrity and honoring your word and what you do in public is a big deal, but also what you do in private in your own home and what integrity really means on honoring your word and who you are. But they also talked about gossip. And this was when I had heard about gossip and was like, wow, I never even thought of gossip this way. And it was an eye-opening experience, but I want to touch on this real quick because back then we became so hungry for personal growth. And during the week, we had like really good jobs. We would do this, we'd do personal growth. And then Thursday would come and we would party, we would do drugs, we would drink. Um, and so it was like for a long time, listen, for a long time, Mike and I lived this double life where we were, we were, we were growing and we were doing these courses. Like literally, we had done a lot of intensives and a lot of different things that we did. But then there was this double life where we would go and we'd party and we would drink and we would do all this stuff. And I'm telling you, real quick, it will catch up with you. If that is you, where you're out gambling over the weekend and then you're out at you're at home and everything's fine and you pretend like everything's fine, or at work, you're a certain way, and then you come home and your life is a mess, and you're an alcoholic and you're drinking every night. Um, I mean, that's you living a double life. And I'm telling you, it caught up with Mike and I. It will catch up with you. It will destroy you, it will destroy your life, it will destroy your finances, it will destroy your marriage, it'll destroy your children, it will catch up with you. And I remember there was a moment when we gave our lives to Jesus, and um, I had given my life to Jesus first and then you, but it was like I remember that seed of um gossip and like learning about it. It actually, like I actually caught it. It wasn't until years later that what I had learned back in 2001, I was like, wow, this is what gossip is. This is what complaining means, this is what how powerful our words are. Like I actually really, really didn't get it until I gave my life to Jesus. But I not only gave my life to Jesus, but I made him the Lord of my life. Two different things. You can have salvation and give your life to Jesus, but him being the Lord of your life, where now you're aware of every word that comes out of your mouth, how you react. If you're complaining, gossiping, all those things, and we really wanted to live a good life. We really wanted to like, I don't want to be a gossiper. I don't want to talk about other people, I don't want to slander and destroy other people's lives without me even knowing it. I mean, I knew it, but didn't know it.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah. The Bible talks about living your life above reproach. And when we did that seminar 2001, it was three days. I mean, it was intense. I mean, we started at 9 a.m. on the button, and the clock, as soon as it hit 9 a.m., you could see the clock in the room. Everybody was in the was in their seat by day two. Because on day one, the the instructor, you could see people kind of filtering in, people were 60 seconds late, 30 seconds late. And he stopped the whole seminar and he said, What's going on here? You guys have this relationship to time. There is no relationship. He's just like, I was gonna start whenever I want. Yeah. My point in saying that there was a standard by which they set that I'd never seen before. And then as we grew in our faith, I like this was the standard. This is a whole nother standard by which Christians we're called to live by, which is about living our but a life above reproach, living our a higher standard of living. And as Christians, I think we all want that, but we've got to pay attention to the little tiny details.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Well, and gossip is a is a really big one because it was like I I want to go back to what I said before you started talking, Babe, because I it was like I knew I was gossiping, but then like I didn't know the impact. And we sometimes don't realize that. And so I what does the Bible say about gossip? God puts gossip in the same category as serious sin. So in Romans 1, 29 through 30, Paul lists gossip right alongside murder, envy, strife, deceit, and malice. That's not a light list. It's a warning that gossip isn't harmless chatter, it's actually spiritually deadly. So let me read Romans 1, 29 through 29 to 30. I'm gonna just kind of paraphrase it. But it says they have become filled with every kind of wickedness. They are they are gossips, sl are gossipers, slanders, God haters. So God puts gossip in the same category as hating God. Ah, because you're talking about his people. And we don't even think about it like that. We want the tea, we drink it until we are full, then we move on to the next juicy conversation. It's almost like we like misery wants company. Like, oh gosh, if I can talk about this person, then it will make me feel better. Like I'm gonna feel more validated, I'm gonna feel more alive because I'm better than that person.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

That was good.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

Does that make sense? Like, because you and I were talking about like, why do we gossip? Like, why do people actually gossip?

SPEAKER_01 9:07

Yeah, and you could uh go down pretty deep on the rabbit hole on this one, but I you and I just were kind of talking about some cursory things here, not cursing, so you know cursory, cursory, like like surface level. I don't think I made that word up. That's a real word, by the way. But what I was what I was feeling and what the Lord was sharing telling me is that what this comes down to is a scarcity mindset. We live in fear that if someone else is doing well in life, then that means there's less of an opportunity for us to have success. And so it makes us feel better when we see someone struggling in life and doing something that we would be like, Can you believe that? Can't I can't believe they're doing that thing. And we don't think of it like that, but we actually the words are thinly disguised, that's how they come out. Or we talk about our spouse like that, we talk about our wife. I can't believe she would say something like that to me. So let's I want to talk about five points. We want to just kind of go into five things I want you guys to think about, and that is gossip is gonna change your heart before it changes anybody else's. Let me say that again. Gossip is going to change your own heart before it changes anyone else. And most of us, like I said in the beginning, don't think about us think of ourselves as gossipers. But we thinly disguise it as talking about a friend, about someone else's venting or just casual talk. Now in Matthew, okay, there's a really important warning that Jesus gives us. He says, But I say to you that for every idle word man may speak, they will give account on they will give a count of it on the day of judgment. It's Matthew 12, 36. So what I'm hearing Jesus saying that is you better stop with your idle words. Be very careful of the words you're talking about. And most people think gossip hurts the person they're talking about. But the first the person it's actually poisoning is you. Because every negative story that you repeat reinforces that narrative inside your own mind. And eventually, here's what's gonna happen is you're gonna stop seeing your wife or your husband through God's eyes. You're gonna start seeing him through their own failures.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Wow. That is so good. Well, you actually start to like like uh let's talk about that for a second, because you the more you gossip about the person or talk negatively about the person, it's almost like it, it like it validates it. It it like puts it in like, oh, see, I'm right. Yes, why the way I feel about them or what they're doing, like I am, you know what I mean? It actually you'll stop seeing them the way God sees them. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

Well, and I think if we look at people, oftentimes if we're honest, we look at if you can imagine when you're looking through a straw, you're looking at someone through a straw, whereas God can see everything. He doesn't look at people through the straw, the lens that you're seeing them through. And that's one of the prayers that I I say quite often before I get into a conversation, sometimes a more difficult one. I'll say, Lord, help me see this person like you do. Help me see them like you do, because I can guarantee that God does not see people the way that we sometimes do. And the world will highlight where they've fallen short. Now, Proverbs 18 21, death and life are spoken in the power of the tongue. Death and life are spoken in the power of the tongue. Notice it doesn't say your tongue only affects others. Life and death are spoken in your life, not just someone else's, because it affects you. Wow. Every complaint is gonna strengthen that neural pathway in your mind. And soon you can't even remember what you once admired about your wife because you've said all these things. And now you've reinforced it like a game trail. Pretty soon that pathway is so worn in that, yep, that's how they are. That's how my wife is, that's how my husband acts. That's just who he is. He's never gonna change, yada yada.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

So even when they start to change, or they maybe decide to get healing, or they start des start, they decide to start working on themselves, you can't even see that because that neuropathway is so strong on how you think of them so negatively that you can't even like you'll even have thoughts like, I don't know if I love them anymore. I don't know if I can love them again. I don't know if I, well, that's because you've created a neural pathway of negativity, of gossip, of not seeing them through God's eyes, of all of these things. Now, I'm not saying that if you've been through betrayal and you've been through things that like, I mean, there's been some things that have happened to you that are really bad. That's not what we're saying here. But we can really get to a place where we will actually believe this is who our husband is or who our wife is, even if they begin to start to change or they begin to start to heal, we still can't see that. We're still clouded because we're stuck in that neural pathway. And this is why when I work with wives, I'll have them write down several things that they love about their husband. Like I want you to write down 15 things that you love, because what we'll do is we'll start to gossip or we'll start to complain and we'll start to focus on all of the things that they don't do, that they're not good at, that bothers you about them. And then, but when they start focusing on the good things and all the good things that they're doing, then it's beautiful because it's amazing how much love comes back. It's amazing how you start going, wow, okay, wait, Lord, I've been focusing on the wrong things. I've been selfish. I've been focusing on the things that I shouldn't be focusing on.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

Sometimes we just need a good old pattern interrupt. We do. If you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

Yeah. And sometimes we just need to see, oh my gosh, okay, I've been focusing on all these bad things because our life has our life has been going downhill or our marriage has been going downhill, and you're focusing on all the negative things instead of focusing on the good things. And so um the point number two that we want to talk about is gossip also invites other people into battles that they were never meant to fight.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Oh, come on now.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

So, what do we mean by this? When you constantly complain about your spouse to your parents, maybe your best friend, okay? You're complaining about your spouse to your best friend, to a coworker. They don't see the apology, they don't see the healing, they only remember the offense. So your marriage may recover, but their opinion often doesn't. Wow. So now you've created unnecessary division. This one is a big one. And we have so many women regret them talking to their parents or talking to their best friend or talking to a family member because now their family member does not like their spouse anymore. And there's that division now, and it's like they are trying whatever they can. Oh my gosh, they're changing. We're working on our marriage, we're working on our marriage, and they don't see it. They can't see it.

unknown 15:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Genesis 2.24 says, the two shall become one flesh. When you continually recruit outsiders against your spouse, you're tearing apart what God joined together. So there's a difference between seeking wise biblical counsel and collecting sympathy. That's like, we will. And I'm like, that's it, babe. Like, that's why do we want to gossip? Why do we want to go and tell everyone about what our husband's doing or what our wife is doing? It's because we want sympathy. We want people to validate us, we want people to be on our side, we want to feel better. Now, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

Why do we do that? That is so sick.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

Well, it is, and it's actually this, if if this is if your heart is turning right now, this is you, right? Because listen, one leads to healing. So when you go get really good biblical counsel, one leads to healing, the other feeds bitterness. And then you've got a team of people on your side, and then all of a sudden you get help and and you're and your marriage is being reconciled and being healed, and your family is still against your spouse or your friend or whatever that person is that you're talking about. You may even be talking about someone at your in your church or something, or your pastor's at your church or whatever, and you think you're doing a good good deed by like, oh, let's talk about this, let's try to fix this, but then you don't even realize that you're you're causing more division in the church because you want to feel better, right? Or you want sympathy. Instead of going to um, in in one of our businesses that we were in for years, it said, complain up. Don't complain down. Meaning, if you have an issue with the pastor, if you have an issue, go to your pastor. You know, if you have an issue with a friend, go to the friend. Yeah. Don't go and complain to other friends that don't even know them or other friends that kind of know them, or your parents, or your siblings, or whatever. Go to the person who can actually do something about it. Go to someone that can actually help you. Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Keep going, babe.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Yeah. Oh, okay. So what I want to I want to say this about gossip too. So when I learned this, and this was back in 2001 when they were talking about gossiping, um, let's say you're in a group of women, okay, and you're all sitting in a circle, or maybe you're you're just sitting around chatting at church, or you're sitting in a living room even, and one of the ladies starts talking about another lady, and she starts talking about one of your friends, and she starts gossiping. And you're sitting there in the circle, but you're not saying a word, you're just listening. You are gossiping. Period. I'm gonna pause there for a second because we don't view gossip as that. But you are in the circle, even though you don't say a word, you're gossiping. And so this is where we have to really take a look at, you know what, step away from the conversation. You know what? I'm gonna, I'm, I'm, I'm tired, I don't feel good, I'm gonna go home. I need to go use a restroom, or stop the conversation and say, hey, we're not talking about this. I just did that over here at my house when I had so a couple friends come over and one of the girls started, and I stopped and I said, We're not gossiping right now. And the it was like deer in headlights. And she looked at me like, What did you just say? And I said, We're not gossiping right now. Like, I don't, I don't, I don't want friendships like that. I don't have time. I am rolling into like gonna be turning 50 here in the next year. And I like my second half of my life, Jesus is coming back. And I want to live the second half of my life as holy and pure and loving and kind as I possibly can. And I'm not gonna participate in it. I'm not gonna participate in the gossip. Okay, I had to make sure I say that because we don't view gossip as when you're in a circle and you're just and other people are talking, you're just part of it.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Because listen, it's gonna take some courage, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

This takes courage because listen, part number three or point number three, gossip gives the enemy more than information, it gives him agreement. So if there's six of you, remember when two or more come together.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

Oh, come on, go there.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

Even though you may have not said a word, you're coming into agreement with that person just because you're there participating. So we don't even know what we we we have no clue what we're doing in the spirit realm. We have no clue that we are actually giving the enemy agreement. Like we are now in agreement with him, and this is where many Christians have never connected the dots. Satan is called the accuser of the brethren Brethren, brethren.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Brethren.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

Brethren.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Okay, now we're we're even now.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

We're even now. Revelation 12 10. His entire strategy is to accuse. So when our conversations become filled with accusation, with criticism, um, character assassination, we're echoing the language of the accuser instead of the heart of Christ. Ouch. Jesus intercedes. Satan accuses. Which one sounds more like your conversations? Are your conversations speaking words of death or speaking words of life? Are your conversations planting good seeds? Or are they planting negative, deadly seeds? You get to choose. It's a choice to not want to participate in gossip. It's a choice to go, you know what, I'm no fear of man. Because I have to stand before God one day and I I want fear of the Lord. Yeah. I don't want fear of man.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

Yeah. Well, and this goes back to your heart posture. When we get into an environment where there's going to be other people around, you gotta think through some of the things that you're gonna think through before you even get there. A lot of times we I call it you get into a conversation. Flat footed, and we're not actually really paying attention to where this conversation's going. And so we just kind of aimlessly walk into these conversations, and all of a sudden, before we know it, we're gossiping. So this is where we have to think about what we're thinking about before we get into these situations. And so we're strengthening a muscle within our conversational speak, if you will.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Think about what you're thinking about. That's actually slowing down. We talked about it on one of the episodes about awareness. Yeah. It's actually slowing down your life and being more aware because you want to have awareness in everything that you do and all your thoughts and all the words that come out of your mouth.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

Well, and this is a conversation we talk a lot about with our kids is we don't want our kids to be lazy in their language. We talk about not cursing and using bad language, but we actually, okay, why don't you want to talk like that? So again, this goes back to not being lazy with how we're speaking and what we're speaking about. So why don't we talk about the fourth one, which I think is important to talk about, which is honor doesn't mean pretending problems don't exist. I know that's where a lot of you probably are thinking right now, well, how do I talk about difficulties that are going on in my marriage? And some people will think to themselves as I'm saying this or we're talking, is it so I'm never supposed to tell anyone about what's happening in my marriage? No, that's not what we're saying at all. There's a difference that we want to make a distinction here is that God designed biblical community. So we want you to think of this as a godly biblical community that we want you to be in. There's a huge difference between I need godly counsel because I want restoration, and I need people to agree with me for how terrible my husband is or how terrible my wife is treating me. Wow. One is seeking wisdom, the other one is seeking validation. So again, let's say that again. One of those conversations is going to be seeking wisdom, and the other one is going to be seeking validation. And it sometimes we think that we're seeking wisdom when we slide in these little comments about someone else. But I want you to think about this. Here's a good uh yeah, I call it um the the test. If the other person that you're talking about was in the room standing next to you, what would they think about what you're saying? Wow. If the other person that you're talking about, if they were sitting right next to you, would they be happy that you're talking about them? Or what would they be thinking about what you're speaking about? That's a really quick acid test. So ask yourself after this conversation, will I love my spouse more or less?

SPEAKER_00 24:46

Wow. Well, and something came up, honey, as you were speaking, and that is some of you are being stirred up right now where you actually need to call the person that you were gossiping with and apologize. I'm sensing that right now with a lot of you listeners, that you were gossiping about your spouse, or maybe you were gossiping about someone at your work or at church, and you need to, oh, sorry. I'm I'm I start pressing on the desk and I start like moving the desk around. Um, but you you you feel or did you're having this feeling that you need to call and apologize. And I want you to do it. Clean it up. Yeah. Remember, God loves it when we repent and we clean it up. So it's not only repentance to him and repent to him and apologize to him for doing it, but going to the person, meaning, like, and and again, going to the person that you were talking to. And you may even need to go to the person that you were gossiping about. I don't know what God's gonna do inside of you. But if that stirring is going on inside of you, I want you to do it because that's what I'm sensing right now, that a lot of people listening to this, that's gonna happen. And so let's move into point number five. I know we're moving through these pretty quickly, but this is so big. Um, is what should you speak instead? Let's talk about that. Philippians 4, 8 gives us a filter. So we're supposed to speak what is true, what is honorable, just, pure, lovely, whatever is commendable. Think about these things. That doesn't mean that you're ignoring sin. It means refusing to magnify darkness more than God magnifies redemption.

SPEAKER_01 26:29

Wow. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

So we are to speak life, we're to speak blessings, we're to speak hope, we're to speak God's promises over our spouse. Um, you may you may not see the fruit immediately, but heaven responds differently than hell does. And when we respond with um blessings and promises, you will see the fruit. And often you need to take it in prayer. You need to go into your prayer closet, whatever you're dealing with, and you need to take it to prayer, take it to God first, then seek uh uh godly counsel. Okay. So we want to speak life over every situation. And if you are dealing with betrayal, with things that are and sin, all the things that isn't to for you to ignore it. It's for you to go, okay, I need professional help. I need someone who's gonna steer me back to and and and keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and give me biblical counsel on what to do next.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

Uh, in our family, we have a mission statement and it references Matthew 5, 13, which says, You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasons? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. So on our mission statement, it says the Friedrich family exists to set a standard of excellence by loving God and being kind to each other. So we set a standard of excellence. When we walk out that door, we tell our kids all the time that the world is watching. Even when we don't think that no one's watching, paying attention, they're not really hearing what we're saying, trust me. The world is always watching. And we set the example by the words that we speak, how we act. We did a family meeting last night. We were talking about um, you know, just uh in our actions.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

Ooh, maybe that's a topic is family meetings and how important they are. Oh, yeah. Anyway, okay, sorry, go ahead. Yeah. Squirrel. Okay. But you were talking about you were in the family meeting.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

Yeah, we were just talking about how we show up in the world, how we speak, how we act, how we treat one another. Oh, we were talking about how do you how do you be, how do you have friends, or how do you, I'm sorry, how do you be a loyal friend? And what does it take to be a loyal friend? And what does it take to have loyal friends? Because they're in the season where we want our kids to be able to be observant enough to know who to hang out with. That saying is show me your friends and I'll show you your future, is true for kids, but you know who it's also true for? Us adults. That doesn't stop being not true when we become adults. It's the same. So show me your friends and I'll show you your future. And we're talking about how do you have loyal friends? Well, first you got to be loyal. And what does it mean to be loyal? How do you be a loyal person? And when we uh gossip, we're not being loyal. That's you know the antithesis of that.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

Also, so not only you said, Show me your friends and show me your future, but you are the top five people that you hang out with. That's right. You are the top five people, and so we want to do this, we want to challenge you for the next seven days. We don't we are challenging you to not say one negative thing about your spouse to another person unless it's someone who is biblically qualified and directly helping you bring restoration. Okay. And when you gossip and then say, Oh, but let's pray for them, or just pray for them, that's still gossiping. That doesn't counteract that you were just gossiping because you're now gonna pray for them. I just hit a chord there with someone, okay? Because that's often what we'll be tempted to do is we'll gossip about someone or gossip about our our spouse and then let's pray for them. Mm-mm. Okay. So what we want to do is we want to for seven days, we want you to challenge yourself not to say a negative word about anybody. What if you could do that? How would it change the atmosphere in the home? How would it change the atmosphere at your work? How would it change the atmosphere at church? How would it change the atmosphere at everything that you do? You will be quickly amazed how your heart will begin to change, how your atmosphere, how everything around you will begin to change, how the spiritual warfare around you will change.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Can I share a quick story? Because I think this is really relevant. It just came to me. We have a friend of ours. She grew up in uh she was a PK, pastor's kid. And uh, she has an incredible testimony. But growing up in the church, she fell away, got deeply into drugs, and it was just a really bad situation. Praise God. God delivered her from that. She's healed and just completely turned her life around. And it's an incredible testimony. But I I you and I were asking her, I'm like, okay, looking back, and this isn't about blaming your parents because we're beyond that. This has nothing to do with blaming your parents, but where did the breakdown happen? Because you grew up in church. Where did you you saw who Jesus was, you saw healings, but what there was a disconnect that happened at some point, there had to have been. And she said, I can point to at least one thing, but I started to see hypocrisy happen between what was being spoken in my home about some of the people in church and what we were seeing being spoken at church. And there was a there was an incongruence. Wow. And she said, I'm not putting all the blame on that, but I could see in that moment my what I thought church was and who got it, there was a disconnect. And in my immature mind, because I wasn't adult enough to really process what was really happening, I started making some incorrect decisions in life. And that's where it was led. And so this is the power. And my son, he he corrected me. We were talking at dinner the other night, but we were talking about a coach that my son had, and and I was saying, Yeah, that coach, he's he just is interesting. He does some things different than me. And my middle son, he's like, Dad, are you gossiping? Oh we went straight into repentance. Oh, he's so sensitive to it. And I don't, I didn't what I was saying, I didn't think I was gossiping. I just but I was just interesting. I just I made a sly comment and it was so subtle, most people probably wouldn't, but he did. He caught it, and I'm thinking, I'm we had to clean it up. I'm really, I was really happy that he caught it because okay, he's he's seeing and he's learning. Our kids are so sensitive to this now. And I I'm our prayer is that we become very sensitive to this.

SPEAKER_00 33:07

Well, and this is really powerful because we're human, we're gonna make mistakes, you're gonna mess up. I mean, that just happened, what was this what, a month ago when that happened? And it's easy how quickly words can can slip out and we don't even realize it. And you've got to have people in your life that can hold you accountable. Even if it's your kids. Even if it's your kids. I mean, again, this takes time too. This is something that we've been working on for years. And it's something that I just don't want to have anything to do with it. I'm like, Lord, help me that everything that comes out of my mouth is pure, is noble, is true, is just and right. Because I want to live a life for you, Lord. And I want to encourage your people. I want to build your people up. I want to encourage my husband. I want to encourage my kids. I want a life in a house that is that is joy, that is peace, that has these, you know, these, these moments all the time that are just like, ah, this is so beautiful to live this life and that we are honored to wake up every single day. We are honored to have breath in our lungs and wake up, and we're honored to be able to speak life over people and encourage God's people. Yes, awesome.

SPEAKER_01 34:14

Yeah, so good. That was a good challenge. So your challenge challenge in the next seven days. Nothing negative about anyone else. In fact, don't just don't say anything negative, say something positive, you know, fill it and ask yourself, Lord, why am I why do I catch myself saying that or thinking these things? God will reveal it to you. He will. So let's close it out with that. If um, we have two pathways to support you further. If this is resonating with you, we have courses for the husband, courses for the wife. They're self-paced, and you can find the links in the show notes. Janelle's Unwavering Wife course. I have a course for the husband called the Anchored Husband. That's pathway number one. Pathway number two is if you're like, no, I need more mentorship. I need someone to walk alongside me in my marriage. I want someone to really challenge me and encourage me because you don't want to do this alone. Um, Janelle's Wise Wives Intensive is be is where you would want to go. I have an intensive for the husband called the Husbands of Valor. And so we walk with you through that process. And again, the links for that will be in the show notes. And so we'll leave it at that. Thank you so much for tuning in. Please give us a quick rating. Give us a five star rating if you would. That would really help us out. We'd appreciate it. God bless you.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

God bless.