20 Secrets to Maximising Your BNI Membership - Secret 11

In this episode, Michael Talevich joins hosts Chris Mutimer and Jeremy Dart, and explores how some of the strongest business relationships are built outside the weekly BNI meeting. Discover why shared experiences—from social events to conferences and community activities—create deeper trust, stronger referral partnerships, and lasting friendships that fuel long-term business success.

📝 Key Topics Covered

•  🤝 The power of shared experiences — why relationships grow faster when members connect beyond the weekly meeting. 
•  🌱 Building trust through connection — how social events and group activities strengthen referral partnerships. 
•  🌍 Creating lifelong friendships — the personal and professional benefits of spending time together outside business. 
•  💡 The ripple effect of engagement — how stronger relationships naturally lead to more referrals and collaboration. 
•  🚀 Making BNI more than a meeting — practical ways members can become more involved and maximise their membership experience.

🎧 Listen now and take your BNI networking to another level.

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www.bni20secrets.com

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https://www.facebook.com/BNI20Secrets/ 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:19

You're listening to the 20 secrets to maximize your BNI membership podcast, where we meet the book's contributors, delve deeper, discuss, explore the strategies and tactics behind each of the 20 secrets. If you're a BNI member, prepare to meet some of the most effective BNI members in Australia. And here are your hosts, Chris Mutimer and Jeremy Dark.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Welcome back, listeners, to the 20 Secrets to Maximising Your B and I Membership podcast. Welcome back, everyone. It's awesome to have everyone with us. And I'd just like to uh welcome back the legend himself, uh Jeremy Darst. Woo! Oh the crowd goes wild. G'day everyone, how are you doing? We don't have sound effects yet. We're not we're not there yet. Um we've got a great chapter to chat about today, and I would just like to introduce today's guest. We've got a great secret to uh to have a chat about. So joining us today is a Michael Talovich, author of Secret 11: The Ripple Effect of Shared Experiences. And Michael is someone who has reminded us that some of the most important moments in BNI don't happen when we're delivering our weekly presentation, giving a testimonial, or sharing referrals, or even thank you for closed business for the week. They actually happen when we step outside the formal meeting environment and simply spend time together as people. So Michael, author of Secret Eleven, in his chapter, he explores a powerful idea that many successful BNI members discover over time that while referrals may be the outcome we're seeking, relationships are the foundation that make those referrals possible. So throughout his B ⁇ I journey, Michael has seen firsthand how conferences, training events, chapter celebrations, social gatherings, and shared experiences create stronger bonds between members. And those experiences allow us to move beyond knowing what someone does for a living and begin to understand who they are as a person. And when that happens, trust grows, relationships deepen, and opportunities naturally follow. So that's an amazing introduction because we're very, very uh very privileged to have Michael along with us. So so welcome along, Michael, to the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Thank you very much for having me. And uh those uh welcoming words sound amazing. I sounds almost like I wrote them myself.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Yes, well. Well, you you probably could have helped out with that. But anyway, very happy to help you have you along. So um let's get into it.

SPEAKER_03 2:36

So um, Michael, many of uh many of the members that we all know will always focus on the formal parts of B and I because B and I is a really great system. You follow the system, you get the results. 40 years of experience of success, of growth every single year. There's it's obvious that it works. But I think one of the things that I love about your chapter is that it highlights how shared experiences and that social side, if I use that word, will create deeper trust and stronger relationships and ultimately um it will generate more referral opportunities. That's um that that's a really powerful uh uh anecdote, really powerful way to uh to look at B and I, Michael. So continue.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Uh go ahead. Sorry, no, go, you go. I'm just gonna say, look, absolutely, I think the the importance, um, obviously the the framework is there to give you the best out of the out of your B and I experience. Yeah and the formal framework about the the KPIs and how things are measured is really important part of the process, but ultimately, you know, it it does come back to that trust and building the relationships. Um, and that that is one of the the challenges that for the the members that turn up and and sort of tick those boxes but don't get out more socially or don't get out and do the one-to-ones that have those that difficulty in sort of getting traction.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

Yeah, absolutely. So tell me what uh inspired you to write this chapter?

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Uh I I think for me it's about as much sharing my experiences and and it's what I've learned over my journey in B and I um to to best get the most out of things. And and ultimately, the more that you can share that out with other people, um, the better the outcomes for them. So I I guess it's looking internally at what are the big moments if I look back over my six and a half years with B and I so far, what were the what were the big standout moments in terms of where I got extra traction or where I, you know, landed a big referral um or was able to find a referral for someone else out of out of thin air, basically. And and that was part of um, I guess, writing the chapter is a lot of that happened uh via social settings.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

Yeah, absolutely. I love the um the word ripple effect because you know, um it's it's like a pond. I can imagine, and correct me if I'm wrong, this is what I've imagined. The those experiences created uh just a little ripple in a pond that that extends further. How would you describe the ripple effect in terms of your BNI experience?

SPEAKER_01 5:06

Uh well, one of the main ways is that it can be something very small that you that you start with. So somebody might come in and and I had this example the other day. Um, someone contacted me, they're interested in buying a new business, and we sort of talked through as an accountant, talked through all of the financial side of things. And I said, you know, he's looking at uh securing premises, and immediately I thought, okay, well, hang on, how how much broader does this become? He's contacted me, but I actually have uh a commercial real estate agent, the um you know, the lawyers, the um finance brokers, like all those people to connect to. And it's it's a simple thing where I have one meeting, I drop a little, hey, do you want to talk to a commercial real estate agent that I know about what you might pay for a property so that we can lock that financial in? And he's now going to met with that guy. So for me, it's that one little thing that actually suddenly has the ripple of I suspect if this guy goes ahead, he's gonna end up with six or seven BI people in the room or that know each other, that are working on him and helping him out.

SPEAKER_03 6:18

It's a really powerful, um, powerful concept once you get your mind around. And especially when you start to talk about from a formal perspective, there's one thing. But when you start to uh bring in that social element, when you're talking about outside of of a formal work setting where you create those ripples, that then you just watch them um gather steam a little bit like a a tsunami starts with only a really small um explosion, but it ends up having a huge impact somewhere where you may not even expect. That's fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Pebble in the pond, Jimmy.

SPEAKER_03 6:48

Pebble in the pond.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Thank you. Thanks. It's the other way I see it too is um I find if you're out there in those social settings and you're having a bit more of a chat, it's it's less formalized in terms of you know, what is it that you do in your business? How can I help you? Those sorts of things. You you're having a general chat, what have you been up to? And and often I find when I go and have those social conversations with people who are in B and I, they'll talk about the what some of the one-to-ones they've had or people that they've they've been working with. And often that can be the trigger where they go, Well, I had a really good visit with this particular person at at their at their office. Um, they were talking about this issue, and suddenly you go, Well, I know someone that can help them with that issue. Or so it is that not necessarily even the person you're talking to, it's that that's where I get that ripple view of it might be the third person in that chain of discussion that all of a sudden can help the person at the start without even talking to them.

unknown 7:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

That's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Yep. So with those shared experiences, I know we we all have those, and a lot of the chapters around Australia and uh around the world have social events where um relations building relationships are at the core part of that. Can you share some of the your your examples of your shared experiences? Like like what have you been involved with with your chapter and your region that that have had an impact on the on building those B and I relationships?

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Yeah, I think I think a lot of that comes with um it it it requires some drive, is probably the key thing. We have our social events, and all the B and I chapters will have their sort of more, you know, we have a Christmas party and and those sorts of events and maybe once a month. But it's it's more the impromptu things I think that that tend to um have the most impact. So in our chapter, and I mentioned in my chapter in the book, we talk about um the the beer and wings that started um probably around the time I joined B and I. What?

SPEAKER_03 8:40

Um and a couple of the guys decided on a Friday stop right there. Beer and wings. I don't need to understand what that is. That sounds like a concept we should really launch down here.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Is it is it a B and I trademarked?

SPEAKER_03 8:51

Isn't it a B and I trademark?

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Uh just not yet. Not yet. Okay, beer and wings. Tell us about Michael.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Yeah, absolutely. So it it started um when I first joined B I um and a couple of the guys sort of got together and um you know, we're all at that point a lot of us were starting businesses or starting in new locations, and you you know, we probably had a bit more time than we do now. B and I's unfortunately wrecked the amount of time that you have because you get too many clients.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Yes. Um great problem there. But that's a great problem to have. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Um, but they sort of got together and said, you know, on a Friday afternoon, if no one's got anything on, why don't we just go down to to um in our case Milton Common, which is just down the road from a lot of us, and drop in, have a beer, have some chicken wings, have lunch. Um some people would rock up at sort of 12 o'clock and stay till five, but it it was the informal if you've got it any time during during the afternoon, if you're coming past, you're on your way home, you want to come in for a session, whatever works, there'll be someone there to sit and have a chat with. Um, and I think that was the the the the ability not to say, well, I have to commit to this and I have to be there at this time. Yeah. Um, it just makes it easy. And then people um, you know, invariably found their way there. Um and it got bigger and bigger. And and and for us, um it we just remained, it wasn't so much about necessarily the drinking focus, but it remained a, hey, we're meeting, let's have it actually think about you know how things are going in our chapter, what things can we can we assist with, and who's struggling in the chapter more so than anything else.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Yeah, and and was that chapter focused or was it a little bit cross-chapter as well?

SPEAKER_01 10:29

Uh it look, it it certainly started out chapter-focused. Um, but I think some of the best events we've had, and part of again, sharing the the experiences is um the the meetings that we've had there where we said, look, this next Friday we're all gonna go, so a bit more notice and bring someone along. So it might be that they're bringing along their partner, it might be that they're bringing along people from their office. Um, it it ended up, I remember there was one night we went down and there was probably about 60 or 70 people that from various other BIs from business chambers, just local business people that all kind of um, I guess congregated to our group. Yeah. Um and it was just like a giant um networking event, but in that very relaxed, relaxed setting. Um and I think that was that was a a huge um benefit because it wasn't just you're meeting the same people and talking to the same people, it was extended well outside of our normal spheres. That's amazing. That's great.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

And I mean in in the Go for Green um reports there, I think there must be a new column referrals per chicken wing. Is that is that a chicken window? Spicier the better.

SPEAKER_03 11:40

Wouldn't it be the other way around? Chicken wings per person. Per referral. Probably, yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

Well done, man.

SPEAKER_03 11:44

I in all serious and the seriousness though, uh Michael, one of the things that you mentioned, which I thought was really poignant, BI has forever been really, and Ivan Meisen has been very, very specific on this, that alcohol and um networking and business shouldn't necessarily be heavily mixed. There's there's a a movement, uh certainly here in Australia, it's been a long for a long time, that that uh if we have an awards um event, there may not be alcohol served. Um alcohol's not not um recommended as a referral uh reward door prize. Um but I love the fact that you mentioned that you're getting together in this environment and intentionally saying it's not about the drinks. You mentioned that in your words, and I think it's really a really powerful way to say we can we can enjoy a drink and we can in and and be social, but it doesn't have to be um to excess and in a way that may discredit some of the referral opportunities that are in the room. And I think it's a really um it it comes across in what you're saying is really powerful, so that's great.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

Yeah, I th I think part of that too is the the ability, the way that it has worked, where people might only come for an hour. So they might just come in, order a pizza or order some chicken wings, have lunch, have a chat, and then go again. Um, if they have to go back to work or you know, if they need an early exit. So it's less about hey, come down and have a long drinking session and absolutely more about the the catching up and and just having a venue where you know where you can sit and talk as much as anything else. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

Yeah. What why do you think experiences like that make such lasting impressions on members?

SPEAKER_01 13:18

I I think I think a lot of the time, and and I um mentioned this in the chapter as well, that when you've when you're in that formal role, like I've done president a couple of times, that I found it really hard to network during the meetings and before the meetings because you've got to set, you know, set the meeting room up and all those sorts of things. And and I think it's the ability to step back from all of that and you know, even sitting in the meeting, you I'm sure most people are thinking, what am I gonna say? How am I gonna say it? Have I got all my clothes business logged? You they're not they're not in that relaxed frame of mind where it's see where the conversation takes you. And typically, you know, humans are complainers, um, and B and I is well known for this, that listen out for the complaint because usually there's a solution to that that you can help with. Yeah. Um so I think I think that's definitely part of it, the the ability to sit, sit back and you're really you're not structured at all in what you're talking about. Sometimes the conversation might be very B and I focused, it might be very business struggle focused, and other times it's you know, winching about your kids or whatever else is got going on on your in your life.

SPEAKER_03 14:23

Yeah, absolutely. Um you mentioned that there was uh the the the big group of 60 or 70 that turned into a uh like a global networking event. Um what other stories do you have that um sort of surprised you about the relationships that is that that have developed as a result of these um experiences for yourself?

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Yeah, uh yeah certainly for me, um I moved to Brisbane uh about nine years ago now, um, three years before I got into BI, two to three years before I got into BI. And um during that time I didn't really know very many people.

SPEAKER_03 14:58

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

So for me, the social side wasn't really there. Um, even the ability to refer clients, I'd met a few people, but didn't really have any sort of scale to being able to refer clients particularly far and wide. Um, and I think the community um and building those relationships flowed from that social setting to have, you know, the the most amazing experiences that I've had uh with other BI people. You know, uh the charity in our chapter had a golf day last week, and probably half the chapter turned up to the golf day. Um, but the meeting was completely changed to facilitate the golf day. So we got in, everyone started the meeting half an hour early. Um we changed the speakers that we had so that it was able to finish early. Um, you know, everyone was sort of really supportive of hey, let's get behind this cause. This is our opportunity to go and and be there. And, you know, to go out with probably 20 other people from just from my chapter, not to mention the other chapters, to go and support a cause was was really powerful.

SPEAKER_03 16:03

So that's um it's probably it probably answers part of the question that I had, which um, or more of a statement, you know, many, many members and like I know for Chris and myself, and sounds like for you, Michael, as well, we've met and had a had a beer um uh at a at a conference um last year. Many members don't necessarily aren't necessarily um completely extroverted, they don't necessarily connect social with business growth. So, how do you think the two can connect? How do you think the best way for members to be able to connect those two together?

SPEAKER_01 16:38

Uh that's a good question. I think I think really the that particularly for certain industries, it's it's building the trust in the relationships that that ultimately lead to referrals. And and whether it's fortunate or unfortunate, a lot of that often happens when you're having a drink with somebody or when you're socializing with somebody. Um and you know, it's really hard if you, you know, you turn up to the meetings and you have a one-to-one, and it's really hard to get get that sort of flow going. Um and and certainly a one-to-one is intimidating in itself for a lot of people. And and that's something that I found really useful with um the B and I podcast, the number of of um podcasts that are there that talk about, you know, the difficulties that people have that for a lot of people take for granted. So whether that's you know, standing up and public speaking or having a one-to-one and knowing what to talk about. And I think it it's that group mentality that the as that group grows and it's a little bit more of a bigger event um socially, it does remove some of that pressure for a lot of people because they can sit back if they aren't as comfortable talking, listen to what's going on, observe, um, but still be a part of it and still be, you know, welcomed into the conversation and welcomed into to you know, looking at those opportunities to get the the referrals out of it. And I think, you know, often it's the when we network and go and meet with people, it's people that we know and do business with already. So it it's rather than an introduction at a you know, I look at the some of the business chamber events and you meet people that you've never met before, and that's great. But the power of saying, hey, this is one of my clients, he works in this industry, he does this, hey, this is one of my contacts, and they do, you know, this particular job and putting them together in that social setting. If the business flows, it flows, but it's it's that opportunity that it's a warm introduction. And I suppose we go back to the the formal part of P and I, we rate our referrals as to whether they're you know one to five on how we make the introduction, and and certainly you know, you look at any introductions that you have during that are effectively a five. Yes. You're introducing both parties and you're effectively facilitating the discussion around what they both do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:54

You know, I was just saying to Chris before, every time we do these podcasts, we always find nuggets, and I was waiting for the nugget, and that's it. That's the nugget they'll be looking for, Michael. That's awesome. When you go to a social, your your level of referral can possibly be a five because you're actually engaging that referral process right there. Awesome.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Very good. Beer and nuggets.

SPEAKER_03 19:14

I'm in. He loves it. Yeah. I love a nugget. He loves it. I love a gold nugget, particularly because we ought to be really specific.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

I actually thought you were talking chicken nuggets everything. It's close to lunchtime or something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Chicken nuggets used to be so good at McDonald's when they were made out of the out of real chicken.

SPEAKER_03 19:29

Yeah, and they brought now they make it out of breast. It's terrible. I don't think it's breast, mate, I'll be honest. But anyway, let's look to talk about McDonald's now.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

I think it's interesting though that you are touching on this a bit. That the best chapters often have the strongest culture both inside and outside the meeting, which is uh it's I I think you've touched on that a bit. I think we we see that actually in our own region. Um some chapters are very, very strong outside of the meeting room, which is fantastic. So if you're a member in a chapter and um you're listening to this and thinking, well, you know, I should really look at how I can create better opportunities for me and others, I guess. Um, how do you think what what do you think members should do to um to work on this this area of their B and I journey?

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Yeah, I think I think uh some of it is taking a bit of responsibility and organ just organizing something. Um and and was something that we discussed as a well, with a few of us a few weeks ago, that um it dawned on me we had a couple of visitors from another chapter that meet at the same time as our chapter. And I said ordinarily obviously they wouldn't turn up because they're at their own chapter meeting. Um and I said we'll we'll never interact with those people unless we make an effort to go and meet them outside of that time frame. Um so again, we decided we'll do a beer and wings and invite that chapter specifically. If people come, they come, if they don't, they don't. But it doesn't require any any, you know, don't worry about going at tickets, don't worry about having to be too formal about it. Let's just throw out the invite. And as long as two people are there, well, it's a one-to-one. If 20 or 30 people turn up, then suddenly it has that ability to to become something bigger without a lot of effort.

SPEAKER_03 21:13

Fantastic. It's really interesting that the simple thing of a chicken wing can have the biggest outcome for your business and for your for your network. I I love it.

SPEAKER_00 21:23

I don't know. We've been talking wings and nuggets. And you know, if if I don't have chicken tonight for dinner, I don't know what's going on after this.

SPEAKER_03 21:30

It's gonna it's gotta be either nuggets or wings by the sound of it.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

It's gotta be chicken. I think too, the um the ability of the charities, I think that's been a big change for our chapter in having that seat filled. Yeah. Because often people think when they think of charities, obviously they think, Oh, I've got to donate money and put money in. And and often the charities actually want a time. And it gives another social aspect to be able to say, hey, this particular charity is raising money, they're doing a walk, for example, let's get a group of And go and walk. You know, throw our stuff on on the weekend, go and do a walk, raise some money, um, or go and actually help out. And I think that's the other uh the other side of things that if you do want to remove the the you know drinking side of things and everything else, that really brings that sense of community and that sense of um you know uh opportunity where you can go and do something that isn't straight up up and down networking, yeah, that that is more social and relaxed.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

I really like that. That's uh that's something I hadn't thought of in terms of the charities. Because when you're doing a so when you're doing something like that, when you're helping out, you've also got the opportunity to be able to be networking anyway.

SPEAKER_00 22:38

So well it's a shared experience again outside of the meeting room, isn't it? Yep. And that's the thing that builds relationships. You get to spend time with people um outside of the pressure of the standard agenda and that sort of thing. So you actually can build those relationships in a on a deeper level. So I think that's awesome. So we are getting towards the end. Michael's been awesome to chat. Um, what we do like to do for our listeners is um give a fairly firm action that they can take away. So I've got a question for you. If every member listening today could commit to one thing that would strengthen their relationships within B and I, what do you think that should be?

SPEAKER_01 23:18

I think that the the relationship strengthening, it it's not in my view, it's not about the one-to-one. It's about make it two to one, three to one, four to one, increase those odds and and go there with a bit of a purpose. Whilst, whilst it can be social and relaxed, go there with the purpose of, hey, I want to figure out how I can help somebody else while we have this catch-up.

SPEAKER_03 23:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

And I want to really ask those questions of the people I'm with to say, you know, what is it that you're actually needing at the moment? Not about the what's your ideal referral and those sorts of things, but you know, what's going on in your life and and how might we be able to connect with someone else in the room or someone else that we know to help you out with that particular issue? Because it might not be a referral that leads to money, but it might fix their problem that they're having and you know, it's something at their house that they need done, but but then gives that opportunity to grow the chapter and grow the relationships.

SPEAKER_03 24:13

Yeah. You know, Chris, every time we do these podcasts, every single time, I'm I'm amazed at the uh, you know, we we we put together the book, we selected the authors based on the top 20 in the country, and I'm always amazed these conversations just continue to blow up everything that we knew about B and I. I just love it. I really do. I'm sorry, that's is that too much, Chris? You're looking at me like I'm I've got two heads. I'm just wondering whether there's a few beers in the fridge there that we can we can open. Chicken wings. As long as there's chicken wings, I'll have a beer. But seriously though, um, one of the biggest takeaways that I've got from what you've said, Michael, is it's really powerful that um the strongest net referral networks aren't um built solely on business conversations, but they're built on those shared experiences. And you've given us so many different examples, um, things that I never would have thought of, and I'm sure our listeners haven't thought of either. So this has been a really, really great uh podcast. Great chapter. Love it. And I love the chicken weeks.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

Thank you very much. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you very much, Michael, for uh sharing your insights today. It's been absolutely fantastic. Now, if the listeners uh would like to get a copy of the book and read Michael's chapter in particular, where should they get that, Jeremy?

SPEAKER_03 25:24

I'm really glad you asked that, Chris. If you want if you don't have the book already, shame on you. No, seriously, if you don't have the book already, 20 secrets. Um sorry.com. Yeah. Um that's where you can get a copy of the book. Uh, and you can also join us in our social media quest to dominate the 20 secrets world.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

I don't know where okay. To share the message.

SPEAKER_03 25:51

Yes, that's it to share the message. So we are on Facebook. Um we're we're scattered throughout LinkedIn and other socials as well. But please join us on Facebook, 20 Secrets, B and I 20 Secrets. Um we'd love to be able to continue this conversation and share different experiences that you might have on this particular topic of how we can actually have a ripple effect that's not just about business, but bringing social and business together and helping everyone succeed in B and I.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

Fantastic. Great way to wrap it up. So thanks again, Michael, for joining us. It's been awesome.

SPEAKER_03 26:21

Thank you for having me. Really, really appreciate talking and spending time with you, Michael.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

It's been fantastic. So thanks everyone for listening and uh we will see you on the airwave soon. See you next time. See you later.