It's NOT Just a Joke | Red flags and toxic "jokes"

Is it really "just a joke" — or is something else going on?

In this episode, we're talking about the fine line between playful humor and low-key disrespect. Whether it's a prank that went too far, a comment disguised as a compliment, or a "joke" that somehow always targets your insecurities — we're unpacking it all.

We dig into why we laugh at things that actually hurt us, why we make excuses for people who use humor as a cover, and how to tell the difference between someone who's genuinely funny and someone who's using "jokes" to keep you small.

Plus, we talk about how to speak up without being labeled "too sensitive", and why choosing your peace over forced laughter is never something to apologize for.

Whether it's in your friendships, relationships, workplace, or even your church community, this one will have you rethinking what you've been tolerating, and why.

🎧 Stay connected with us!
📲 Instagram: @micchecksispod

🎥 YouTube: @MicCheckSisPod

 🎬 TikTok: @micchecksispod

 📩 Email: micchecksis@gmail.com

💬 We love hearing from you—DM us your stories, questions, or thoughts from today’s episode!

💖 If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to follow, rate, and review the podcast. It helps more people find the show!

🗓️ New episodes drop every other Wednesday — don’t miss a convo. Hit follow wherever you listen!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Hello, everybody. Hello, hello, hello. Okay, I'm trying to. I don't have enough for you, but please enjoy this beautiful rendition of hello from my co host. Hi guys, hi everyone. Hello. Hello. Welcome to a new month. Happy new month. Happy April Fool's Day. Do people say that? Do you say happy April Fool's Day? Or do you just lie to somebody and then be like April Fool? I think it's there's happy April. I don't know. I think Happy Happy Fool's Day. I think I don't know. Maybe I'm old school, guys. I don't know. Or maybe not. I even wonder if the Gen Z even know April. Because I don't think come on, it's not that bad. No, no, okay, maybe not the Gen Z's alpha generation. Because I feel like April Fools have kind of gotten a I don't think it's as people as much as ah when I was young, I feel like you'd see a lot of like people playing pranks and stuff or and whatever jokes. But I don't think it's a thing anymore. At least I won't say in the last five years or six years for me. I don't think. Or maybe COVID just dumped everybody's spirit. Who knows, man? I don't know. Maybe I just I also can't think of anything significant. I was like, oh, it was April Fool's, then then this and this happened. But also, I was asking, I was asking her before we started recording. Okay, where does this event come from? This was April Fool's. If you know the history of it, share with us. I'm curious because who woke up and decided that April Fools is a fool? Yeah. April is a fool. Or at least the first of April. I don't know. And for those of you that today's your birthday, happy birthday. Oh yeah, happy birthday. Because why are we saying that? No, because it's just weird. I guess it's not weird. Like it's just a birthday. It's just everybody else is like. Are you really born today? Maybe ask your parents again. Oh, that they were. Maybe they are playing tracks. Oh my goodness. Anyway, so today we're going to talk about I guess April Fool's Day. And I guess when the joke is no longer joking. It's not funny. Like when you know when it's like when the joke is not funny. Thanks for April Fool, but this isn't giving that anyway. When the joke is low key attacking you. Yes, yes, yes. Even low-key, hikey. You know how people come for you, but they list it as a joke. Yeah, it's not funny. Yeah. Don't laugh at those ones. Don't laugh. But yeah, okay. Well, let's start light first. Let's start light. Do you have or do you know some April Fo's jokes that have happened or you've heard of like in the past? Because as I said, I don't think it's happening again now. I guess in the past. Do you know anything? Yeah, like what comes to my mind is I think one time my parents told my aunt. If it was my parents or it was my dad, I think. But they told them I'm pregnant. I told her I'm pregnant. Um that was eight years ago. I was still a student and all of that. So apparently my aunt was at the market or something, and she was so stressed and shocked that she left what she was doing and went home so that she can now like okay, let's have a conversation. Okay, so what's going on? And by the time she comes back, they're like, eh, what are you talking about? Because they even joked and forgot. Oh but they joked or forgot, left the woman in pain. No, it was an April first joke. I don't think she found that funny, but please no. See, people that I don't know, people that give like that will joke to their parents because I've like I'll see online and stuff. Like when people will tell their parents, like or their mom or whatever, that they are pregnant. You guys are strong. You collect laugh, blah, I it could never be me. And I don't know. I think also because like I know the kind of mother I have, she will spiral out. Like, like, I'm like, I'm gonna be causing her more pain, so the joke would not really joke. I didn't mean so, like, why would I do that to her? Like, I don't know, it's not it's not gonna be funny. Like, before we get to the laughter part, I'm like, okay, it's a joke. She, like, God forbid, I ended up. I I I sent her to the hospital because I was trying to joke. Like, my mother's gonna be thinking, yes, because so I'm like, I don't know, like people that do it like kudos, because some people are strong, yeah, that are able to do. I don't know, because it's like that. I don't know if you remember that it was raining then. That's why I said that I think April 4 was a thing. That that that guy that said um you end up in McDonald's. It's not a joke, it was like it was like when he I think it was like in high school or something. Oh, yes, I think he told his dad that got the girl pregnant. Yes, you guys are strong because it could not be me. The father even lasted long in that video. Oh, Pastor Lawrence. I don't know with you. That won't be funny, but yeah, well, I don't know. Like, I think about is and then the that's the problem. The major or the plenty April food jokes I see is always about pregnancy. Like the girl is pregnant, the guy gives up. You but there's some other jokes. I failed in school, something like that. I don't think I've even heard like the ones I see. Just like my report, yeah, my reports, and you say you had an F, but really, really you had an A. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah, you guys should let us know. Like, me, I won me out. Like, I want to know I've seen that. Oh, okay. I want to know your proposed joke, so maybe I can try it next year. Please, you're too old for this. Um, yeah, yeah, you're too but yeah, I would like, like, I don't know, give me you guys give me something, so yeah. I would I actually would like to. Oh, life has gotten super serious that we need to joke someone. Maybe that's why see maybe that's why we haven't really been hearing any April Fools because everyone is like everyone's like a big the life that we are living right now feels like a joke, but it's really not funny, so nobody wants to add anything else. Yeah, anyway, that's April Falls, but now pivoting to like the main, the main, yeah. We laugh, ha ha ha ha, all of that. But I guess when does a joke and you can not I guess not um specific to April Fool, and you can be on the same April fool, but just like when does a joke in general, yeah, when does it cross the line that it's like you shouldn't have said that's not funny? That that's not yeah, like I don't know. Is it because I always think about it, I'm like is are jokes generally based off of who you are talking to? Or is there like a do we already have like moral standards, or is there already a standard of okay, these are jokes, and then now these are not jokes? I don't know, generally, or is it like based on the person you're talking to? Then it's like okay, this person this is a joke to them, but this other person may not find the same thing. I think I I think it's that because you can you can find something funny and I cannot find funny. I don't know, everyone has uh their tolerance at that level. So, but does that mean that the person crossed a line, or is it just that they just know you enough that you would have found that kind of thing for do you get what I mean? Because there's there's joke that is disrespectful, right? Or joke that is abusive or joke that is bad. I think it can be both. It's okay to have a line and not want anybody to cross it, whether they think it's okay, whether it meet the standard or it doesn't. It's just this is me. I don't joke and say, You're so silly, girl, don't call me silly, I don't find it funny. That's it. So it's not yeah, it can pass anyway. So it's just a saying or like it's a funny thing. Like, I had this experience, it just I just remembered in a group of people where someone was going around tickling people. Like, but that's personal space now. Thank you, and everybody else was like ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. If I sound you interacting, you must have like that. My body, the the hairs of my body standing. So for me, before you even come, I was like, hey, hey, hey, first of all, don't touch me. I don't know you like that. First of all, I didn't even know the person like that. Like, why would you come and just don't? And then it was like uh hey, you're too stuck up. You think you're this, this, this, and then somebody else told me, like, ah, it's just it's nothing, it's just the way this person is. I'm like, you can be that way over there. Yeah, but why are you that why you don't touching people? Don't I want why are you touching people? That just seems very that that seems very invasive. I'm just thinking about it like that. Is invasive because even my friends, even my like I'm thinking about even my friends, I don't to go around like it's just like that's very again. So that's like for other people, yeah, it's whatever. And for other people, um, I guess it's I guess no we are joking with let them not slap you. Yo, no we are joking. Please, no way you're joking with. Do you watch Lincoln Lawyer on Netflix? I love the show. It's actually a nice show. Oh, okay. Anyway, um, one of his case uh studies, yeah, I guess, was that this guy, um, someone he was standing outside a hotel restaurant or something, and someone came with uh Ferrari or a fancy car and just assumed because the guy was Latino and just assumed that he's a bad and just gave him the keys and just like the car is gone, blah blah blah. So he was irritated by it that he decided to play a practical joke on him and to drive it a couple of blocks package away from Nigeria except charges were drawn against him as theft for him. Can I can I can I can I can I also draw charges for emotional pain? Don't joke with those who won't joke with you. Well, it ended up fine for him, but like but wait, how is it theft? You handed me the keys to the car, you did not wait, or you didn't ask. That's true. Oh, are you you know what? Maybe I can do law. I can do law, yeah. Because like because there are holes in there. That's different because you know, it wasn't funny to the owner of the vehicle, I guess. But yeah, yeah, well, it wasn't funny to him too. But why would you assume that somebody is yeah, I agree. Like, I don't know. I feel like uh we're talking about this before we start recording. It's like there are jokes that I guess people make that I don't know how everybody else can find that kind of joke funny. So I was talking about how a while back somebody like I went to I went to church, you know, I wore my gown. Like it wasn't how would I put it? I don't know how to explain it. It's like I I and this is something that I've I've seen, is it like like a wrap for like like late and like ladies with certain body types are always like they they get a bad wrap for clothes or certain clothes that they wear, not because the clothes is bad, but it's like oh you shouldn't wear that kind of clothes. Why? Like I don't get it, like God created me a certain way, but now I like this dress, but so that's it it doesn't fit your insecurity because it's you that have a problem at this point. Yeah, I should not wear it. So, anyway, that was the story. So it was a lovely summer day. I wore myself a gown, went to church to praise my Jehovah, and then this person is like, Hey, what's this dress that you are wearing? Ha, please don't steal my husband. Ha ha ha ha ha. Not funny. I was like, Hold up, first, not your vacuum husband. I'm stealing because I thought let's start with that because like I did not come here to do that, because and then I'm just like I don't know, and then she was laughing about it, and then because me I wasn't laughing, and then she's like, like I used to see and my made them like somebody if let's say you know you didn't laugh or like somebody just heard that beat and left now. They start to say, Hey Daniel, husband snatcher, she snatches husbands or something, like I don't know. Like, I hope not. I'm just like people are not thinking that oh god, so it memes like that's not funny. Like, why would you say and again, this is all that was much older than than than me, and I was a young girl, so it's also very I don't know, I don't know if it's like you're trying to use your um seniority or whatever to say things and think that it's okay. Like, so I shouldn't have a reaction because, like, you know, this person is older than you, so it's like, eh, just leave it, just leave it. And me, I didn't find it. I wasn't even smiling with it, like you find it funny. I didn't find it funny because I'm like, you can't joke about something like that. You shouldn't even joke about something like that. Because now, not only have you said your rubbish, you've also, if I'm not um like um strong in myself or whatever the English word is, now I can start to feel insecure. Maybe this happened like at the beginning of service. Can you imagine if I had a problem? The rest of the service, like this. I'm just maybe I wouldn't have even stayed for service. I probably would have left, you know, because now I'm like, hey, God though, before this another person comes and tell me I want to steal husband or steal this, like you know, and stuff like that. So please let's be mindful of our jokes. Sometimes not funny. Yeah, I think sometimes people use um jokes or yeah, I guess humor, or they try to use jokes to say something that's on their mind already, that that's right, and just try to come back to it. Because they don't know how you would react if they say it seriously. So I think like there's that coward okay coward, say it. Say with your face, with your chest, come direct, talk to me directly um so people do that, and then some people okay. I think when a joke crosses the line, it's when it attacks someone anything, to be honest. For instance, like body jokes, like uh-uh, ha ha ha ha, you fat this. Or ha ha ha ha. I don't know. Uh someone told me one time, I don't even think they were joking, they were just saying it was just it, it was it was not funny, and I don't think they were trying to be funny, or maybe they were, I don't know. They were like, Ah, you've got so fat. Are you eating yeast? You're just like it's blowing up. God, I beg not are you yeasting yeast, not yeast. God, it's only fat I don't give fast. I did not kill nobody, like, why are you coming for me like this? Like, come on. Not that you're eating yeast, even added. Are you eating yeast to it? Yeah, I are you not only oh you're going so far. It's one of those. Yeah, nobody shame people, like joke or not joke, like and I think like on social media, that's one of like the the highlights of this. People, oh my god, people are brutal on the web. Well, there's also they are hidden, like they most people who say rubbish online can't actually say it to the person's face. Exactly, yeah. They can't. If they see you now, they run away because they don't have the stamina, they don't have the the courage or the mind to actually say so they hide behind yeah, they hide behind this thing, but yeah, I agree, and then I I think even anything that attacks or even any like a person's I don't know, I don't know if the right word would just be insecurity because there's insecurity, but anything that's is important to them, because it might not necessarily be it's not always like an insecurity, so but anything that is important to somebody, don't it's don't make a joke out of it, like right, like I I cannot imagine anybody wanted to make a joke out of my husband. Oh, I don't know. I'm even trying to think.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

Oh yeah, um, he's so tall, he's he's an evil coach real joke, but yeah, I'll just look at you like uh okay, what are we laughing about?

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Like money, yeah, because like it's not like so that's why I say it's not only insecure. So anything that is important to somebody, like, don't make it yes, don't make a joke out of it. Like, respect even if someone is playing with you, you you get sense to know where to draw the line. There's a limit, yes. You can joke with someone or banter and whatnot, but there's a limit. You have to don't let your mind get lost with the joke. Get sense, get sense, like nowhere, like okay, this joke is like it's gonna tread. Like, I don't know, and also just think about it even to yourself. If somebody well, maybe they will not mind. Because honestly, what if they would maybe they'll be like, I'm okay with this. There's no standard, so yeah, everyone I I don't think there is any. I mean, apart from the regular, don't be insulting and all of that, all of that. But there's no standard that you can say, like, okay, this is a line I should not cross for it to be disrespectful. You might think it's okay based on the line you have put for yourself, but the other person might not might not like it. And then also don't minimize the fact that they don't like it. Yes, yes. If you're fine with it, that's true that you're if you're fine with it, that's you. But if you say something that offended somebody else, you don't have to play that and be like, eh, eh, isn't it just okay? It's not serious for you, it's serious for them. Just apologize, yeah. Because the person is even nice to even tell you. Some people will just that would be the end of it. Yeah, because you've you've crossed the line they don't want, right? Yeah, so if somebody have even has the the mind to be like, well, let me tell you so that next time you don't do it. And and so I know sometimes it can be uncomfortable because you're coming from like this pure heart of yours. Because um, this is to say, because I think I've done I've made not made jokes on people's insecurities. That's not it. Like it was there's a friend of mine, so I did uh what did I do? Okay, so a friend Kefe. If you're watching this was a long time ago, so Kefe had this phone, and then she had this as a phone case that god you didn't like the phone case. That was it's what I didn't like, but the phone case had lived life. Oh, it was lived the second, the third, the 20th. This phone case was pleading for death, like it was like, just let me go. So that's one day we are laughing with another, and I take the phone case from her phone or something, and I and I rip it up. I'm like, this phone case needs to go, like you know, yeah, because the phone like she knows that that phone case needed to go, it wasn't that, but yes, to me, and that's what I'm saying. Like, so it wasn't like I didn't um it was not that, yeah. So I did I I um spotted it, I removed it and spotted a way that now she has to use it. We have to get a new phone case, you can't use this phone case again, and then and then time passed, not time, but like some time passed because she didn't say it. Funny enough, I think that's the thing. We laughed then, but maybe when she went back to sit down to think about she's like, Okay, what I might have laughed, but this thing wasn't funny. Like, I didn't like that. You did, and then she came, you know, and she was like, Oh, damn, I didn't like that you um use um like you ripped my phone case. At first, I was like, Keep it that phone case needed to go, you know, because in my mind, I'm like the but when I thought, okay, she's serious, like, okay, yes, the phone case should have gone, but it should have gone on our whole on her timelines, right? And stuff. So, you know, I apologize. I said, Okay, should you have buy your other phone case? I'm sorry, you know, because like at that point, I realized that yes, it was a harmless joke to me, even though she even laughed in the moment too. It seemed like it was not a big deal at the time. When she went back to reflect, she's like, No, it's a big deal, yeah. And you know, and I didn't like, oh, I beg, I beg, I beg, please, whatever. Let it yeah. I did apologize. I don't know if I ever bought a new phone case, or I think she ended up changing her phone entirely. So she could she got in, I think so. I can't remember, but yeah, so that situation happened. So it's just knowing that even when you think that you mean well, or you are not you are looking at something so lightheartedly, another person may not. Yeah, me, if somebody had done it to me, probably wouldn't have been a big deal. But I cannot use that standard on somebody else. That's right. That kind of thing. So it's like remembering that your joke might be some people don't mind like the body or the fat jokes. Some people, another joke. Oh my god, yes. This happened when I was in high school. I don't know if people still do it. People that joke and then insult like your mom, your dad. I don't know how anybody laughs. I don't get it and how anybody laughs at um your mama jokes. Your don't don't mama, don't papa. There's not like no matter what it is, like I like is because it used to baffle me in high school. You will see they would do I'm like, wait, is it somebody's mother you're talking about? Is it somebody's father you're talking about? Like, so I remember that was like I don't know if people still do it. Like, uh obviously I haven't been in high school in such a long time. So I don't know if that's still a thing that is happening in high school, like people like, but that was like a thing. And and I don't know, for me, it was very weird that there was no. There was no boundaries on how far the joke can go. Yeah. Like it was like anything, anything was, you know, yeah, could go. And I'm like, no, I'm not talking about my mother or my father. If you don't want your eye plucked. So, but yeah. That was just something. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, I know your limits with your jokes. Yes. Don't talk about people's insecurities. Don't talk about people's anything that they care about. And even if you didn't know whether they cared about something was an insecurity, you make the joke, you can see people's countenance. Now you're not, you're not daft. Yeah, don't double down. Yes, you can see. Change direction, apologize. Apologize. Yeah, you can see how they react. And even if, let's say, initially they reacted like they laughed about it, and then later on they come back and be like, you know what? That thing that you said, I it didn't sit well with me when I processed it or whatever. Ah, but you laughed that time. That was that time. Yeah, this is this time. No, it's true. That was then. Yeah, so that was then. So just be, I guess, and then please be self-aware. Be self-aware of your environment. Be aware of your friends. Like, there are some jokes that I would joke with a friend of mine. I cannot joke with another friend. Like, be aware of that. Not everybody is the same. Everybody is me now. Everybody knows that's how dummy is. Nobody knows how that means. Nobody, nobody cares. You can change. Yeah. Please. And just because that's how dummy is, does not mean that's that the way that me is is good. So please. Don't be that's how I am. Yeah. She will plaque your eye. So please, please. All that that's how I am. So please. It's April Fool's. We're gonna play jokes. Play nice jokes, guys. Please don't don't be weird. Please don't don't talk. Don't please and be careful of the jokes you joke at work. Because you're joking. Oh your joke and get it. If you would like a paycheck, see that's why the Bible is complete. Because there's this scripture that came to my mind right now as we're talking about um care something about having careless talk, like talking carelessly. So and I'm thinking about that in terms of joking or like when you're talking too much. That's why the Bible says that we shouldn't be out here doing the most. Don't engage in senseless talk or careless talk because it's that your own thought that we get to each other. I promise you. It is bound something is bound to happen, it's bound to hurt somebody's feelings, it's bound to whatnot. Or it's even it can lead to sin because you know, in a multitude of words, sin is not lacking over there. So be mindful of your talk, talk, talk, and then don't tweak um death into people's destinies with and say I'm joking. It's not it's not funny. Words are powerful. Very, very, very powerful. Yeah, we talked about that couple. I don't know what episode. Go on, listen, yes, words words are powerful. So don't do don't do that, yeah, and then say ha ha ha ha. Nobody is joking. The devil, the devil has ticked it as you have. Don't even do it for yourself or about yourself. Yes, yes, yes. Please, let's be mindful of our jokes. Like there's joke and there's jokes. There's some things that should not be in the should not be even used as a joke. Something should not be used whether the person will be upset, person will not be upset, whether it's bad, whether they think it's bad or not, it should not even come up, it should not be a thing. So please just do light jokes. Those of you that can tell your parents that you're pregnant and it's ha ha ha, sure, tell them like those of you that want to tell them that you failed, but you passed. Yeah, don't you know? Do those little lights, lights, but anything serious, please, please. And I think another thing is um, even in jokes, is like people need to be um aware of their environment in the sense of like I can say a joke, like let's say, so let's say I'm um like a joke that me and you have talked about with love. I come to a different um circle, and then I say the same joke, I have to be aware that it may not land. Yes, and I have to, you know, just know your your environment. Yes, know your audience, yeah, audience of your joke. Yeah, so please just know that just because we laughed, yeah. You but not laughing, it's not funny over there. Yeah, please. Let's just let's just let's do better as a community, let's respect each other and love each other, and all you comment warriors and things like that. You know what? We should actually do an episode about that. Like it's not good though. People get a certain level of boldness because maybe it's online and you just say things, then don't do that. There's some there's some comments I would say, and I cannot believe that a human being would think of that entire because about another human being. How would that like how how does your brain even work to get to that direction? Like it's it's why you're thinking that way. We should do better as a race for people. Yeah, please, please, please, in the human race, I mean life is as as as you said at the beginning, life is already too serious, right? Life is already too serious, guys. So much. Let's let's be soft landings for people with our words, whether we are joking or not. Like okay, be mindful, okay? All right, if you haven't followed, shared, subscribed, all of those things. Are we a joke to you? We are not.

unknown 27:42

Are we a joke to you?

SPEAKER_01 27:44

This is an example of a joke that is not. No, it's not funny. This is one that is touching our things that we love. Oh look at that. So, yes, follow, share, subscribe, all of the things, and we'll see you guys in the next one.