Can We Stop Pretending Friendship Jealousy Doesn't Exist?

We don't talk about this enough.

Friendship jealousy is real — and most of us have felt it. That quiet sting when your friend gets the thing you wanted. The forced smile. The "I'm so happy for you" that doesn't quite reach your chest. This episode is a safe space to be honest about it.

We're unpacking what friendship jealousy actually looks like, where it comes from, and how to work through it without blowing up a relationship — or pretending everything's fine when it's not.

Because feeling jealous doesn't make you a bad friend. Hiding it and letting it fester does.

In this episode we cover:
• Why jealousy shows up even in good friendships
• The real roots — insecurity, comparison, feeling overlooked
• How to process it without guilt or shame
• The difference between jealousy and actual toxicity
• How to celebrate your friends without losing yourself

This one will have you thinking about friendships you haven't texted back yet.

🎧 Stay connected with us!
📲 Instagram: @micchecksispod

🎥 YouTube: @MicCheckSisPod

 🎬 TikTok: @micchecksispod

 📩 Email: micchecksis@gmail.com

💬 We love hearing from you—DM us your stories, questions, or thoughts from today’s episode!

💖 If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to follow, rate, and review the podcast. It helps more people find the show!

🗓️ New episodes drop every other Wednesday — don’t miss a convo. Hit follow wherever you listen!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:23

We are tweeting. Friendship goes, guys. We are tweeting from um a very, very famous, really excellent designer. Yeah.

unknown 0:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Check her on Instagram. You know what? Just so that I don't butcher um how it's pronounced. N-A-I-D.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Yeah. You gotta ask, you gotta ask her out to me. I called it Night Day. But I don't know if that's the name.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Yeah, I'll ask her. But also Adiwe Haven, go there. Yeah, go to Adiwe Haven, it's the same. And it's I promise you, delicious styles. You will see. Run me. Anyways, guys. Welcome to another episode. Yes. We're excited. Yes. Today we're trying to, you know. I think I think we do a good job of like um poking poking with our topics. Like we're poking oh, okay. Deep topics. So I guess we're about to poke some more. So today we're talking about jealousy and friendships that we want to pretend like it doesn't exist, or we want to pretend like oh no, we all love each other. Yeah. So that's what we're talking about today.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Tell us more.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Well, I don't believe I don't all okay. Let me not say like that. I don't know, maybe not that deal. But I feel like at one point or the other in our friendships or relationships. Friendships, I guess. Yeah, friendships. We're talking about friendships anyway. So um at one point or the other in our friendships, we've been jealous of something that our friends have or possess or where they are at in life. And I I don't think it's a bad thing. Yeah, I don't know. That's how I I think about it. We'll I'll get into it. Oh my god, you want to be jealous of your friends? Relax. Yeah, like so, yeah. So I don't think it's a bad thing that you know you are jealous of like all like jealousy comes because I don't think like you don't plan it. So, like maybe you know, a friend gets into a different mouse, maybe a new job, they get this nice car, or I don't know, they get married, like whatever the the good things that is happening to them, and then you feel a sense of jealousy. Now, what differentiates you and a witch?

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Who is we're coming in gang raising?

SPEAKER_00 3:08

What differentiates you and a witch is do you stay jealous or do you redirect that energy? Because I feel like, as I said, we all would it's just it's a feeling, yeah. It's a feeling, it's something like who doesn't want better for themselves. So if somebody has it, maybe you were waiting for that thing and you've not gotten it, you might feel like, oh god, like this person has it. I'm jealous of them. But now, are you a witch that you are hwning down the jealousy, wishing them bad, hoping them to fall? Yeah, now that's like that's that's when you're a problem, yes. But or do you, you know, figure me down like I'm jealous of this cow, please. How did you buy it? What did you do? What can I do? So I don't know. That's my take. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

What's your I agree with you because I'm like, I don't know. I've been agreeing with you a lot. One of these days I'll be disagreeing.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

That's how we get things happen. Hopefully, I don't even know.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

So it should be agreement, but yeah, but yeah, I agree with you. Um I've come to learn. I don't know where I think my husband mentioned this, or maybe I don't know where I learned it. But like feelings by themselves are not bad. Yeah. So it's like I'm feeling jealous, I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling angry and whatnot. So the feeling by itself is just that a feeling, it's a symptom of whatever. So then you now have to check it, like oh okay, that sucks. I'm feeling jealous. Um why am I feeling jealous? Maybe I'm feeling jealous because I want to do this thing for myself too. Not that I'm unhappy for you, but I want this for myself too. Okay, so how do you now go about it? Not that you like I'm feeling jealous because she bought a new car. Oh, okay. Now you start like I pray that those tires get slashed, they will give you tickets on the road. You will go bankrupt, you will not have to do your I don't know, but when you now start um when you evil thoughts start to enter. Oh, when you start acting negatively because of your feelings and everything, then that's a problem. And also when you let the feelings just sit there and just do kumbaya with it, then you meditate on it, marinate on the thing, then it things get worse, and then you have now suddenly become a witch, like she said.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

I think like we need to normalize that there's jealousy, that jealousy can come up, not that there's jealousy, it shouldn't be it shouldn't just be a thing that's just there. Oh, we're just jealous of you forever. No, but I think we need to normalize that jealousy can happen in friendships, or may happen, could happen. I don't know if should happen. I don't know, yeah, but like you know, may happen, could happen in friendships, and we should normalize that both for the jealousy and the jealousy. So if somebody also comes to tell you that they are jealous because or like you know, I'm feeling you know, ah god, this new house that you bought, or this new car that you bought, or this I don't know, job that you got, man. I wish I, you know, I've been wanting one, I've been pouring for this, God.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

You had it before me, and you know, I felt a sense of you to don't also be first of all, it actually takes again a lot of courage to be able to go to someone and be like, I'm feeling jealous of you. I I don't eh, I'm feeling jealous of you.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

I guess you don't have to because I don't have to if you can call. I feel like I guess it's like it depends. Like if you can cob, if you're able to, if you're if you have built stamina, I don't know, character enough to know how to um deal with your feelings and deal with them appropriately, then maybe you don't necessarily have to tell them. I don't know. That's between you and the person, but now if it's going to, or if like, because it was, I think there was the episode where we talked about like if you're having to maybe you have to not talk to the person for a while because you don't want to talk to them because of how you are feeling, or you want to block them, you don't want to see them, talk to them, like let me know that I'm being blocked because I'm progressing.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Okay, okay, if I come to you right now and be like, um, dummy, I'm gonna block you because you're progressing like that because you need to win that blocking, you're progressing right now. I can't I am not able to see your progress right now.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

But you won't say it like that because you're not a witch. You get me, guys. But like, I feel like if you go and tell a friend, okay, you know what? Like, I'm happy for you that you know that this, yes, I'm happy for you that this is happening. You and I obviously have talked about this thing, I've wanted it. You know, I want this too, or I'm waiting for this, or this car that you bought, or even if we didn't even talk about it, even if it's not even anything that you thought was that deep or whatever, because maybe at that time it wasn't that serious for you to have a car or whatever it is, and then now they have the can and you're like, okay, this is bothering me more than I thought it would, that kind of thing. Oh, like I didn't know that it would bother me again. You open your mouth. I didn't know that this thing would bother me as much. I is it okay? Because it's not not okay, not is it okay because you're not taking permission. Sorry, maybe like because I don't know. Like, can I you know mute you, block you for a bit, especially like because is you're not going to post your car for the rest of your life. I don't, I don't think, and even if you are, I'm not going to feel that way, or I shouldn't again if you're not a witch. I shouldn't feel that way for the rest. Do you get what I mean? Like, so again, that's like so I'm gonna disagree.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

You've been looking for the disagree, has come anyway. Not disagree per se, because I I get what you're saying, but I feel like not everything always needs to be a conversation. Okay, so me and you are friends, and you just block me, no no no, not blocking, not not because of blocking, like like I don't always okay, like oh, oh, that's what you were talking about, is blocking. Yes, okay, or like okay, that's different, but like I mean, like, okay, maybe you bought your car, and I'm like, oh my goodness, I really want a car for myself, and I'm happy for you, but you're progressing. So I'm annoyed, I'm annoyed. Actually, that's a problem. That's like that. That is a problem, and because no, you gotta celebrate with people. So, um, I don't think like if it's if it's one of those, like okay, you get the feeling of like okay, the jealousy feeling, and it's like ah sharks, man. I wish I had I also had a car a car, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Because it's not it's not like they don't want you to have one, it's just they wish they had to, pretty much.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

Yeah, but then I come and be like, oh, you know, when you told me about your car, like, yeah, I was happy for you, but I was also jealous and whatnot. I actually would like that. Yes, I would appreciate that. I love I can deal with that feeling of like, okay, sharks. I wish I also bought a car, but you know, whatever. Let's be happy for the car that is here. Yes, yeah, glory, glory to God. Take me on ride. Yo, take me. When are you taking me for wings in your new car? Oh god, please give wings alone, and then we move on from there. I don't think it's absolutely and that's what I was saying.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

Like, if you're able to deal with it, and that's what I said, like before. I was like, if you are aware enough and you know how to manage your emotions. Witchcraft is not drawing. Yes, that's it. So that's I guess that's fine, right? But you know what's funny, just personally, even if it's an after-the-fact thing, like especially for something like this, if you even tell me, like, so you've dealt with it yet, I'm like, oh my god, when you bought your car that time, I did that's different feel um a type of way, blah blah blah, and everything. Actually, I don't know. I feel like you cannot talk me. Yes, excuse me, you cannot talk about talk about it, and I feel like it will also just personally, I feel like it will help me, it helps me to know you more. That's one, and not in a negative way, but just to be more aware or conscious of how to also deliver your because yes, because now I'm aware that it's not this is not a matter of like I like I think I've said this thing before, I don't know if it was on the podcast or just when we're yapping, anyway. Like, um, you cannot say you're oblivious of how somebody else is feeling because you want them to be happy for you. Like, don't pretend like they have they will still have feelings, yes. Like, we cannot just be like, oh my god, like why are they not just happy for me? Like, stop.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

You said don't be a witch, because at this point, I think it's bad that um two things can coexist. Coexist, yes, like they can be happy for you and sad for them. It doesn't mean that they don't want your happiness. That's that's completely different, and that's the that's what we're talking about, actually. It's not those people who are like, I see your car and I want to slash your tires. No, not that, not those ones, not the witchcrafts. We're not talking about the witchcraft, folks, but um more the happy for you, sad for me type of situation.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

I think, yeah, and I think it's that's why I said like jealousy would or could not would could come up in it's just how do you I don't know, allow it faster of yeah, how do you allow it to keep going? What do you do? How do you stop it? How do you curb it? Stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

So how do you because that's and correct? Because that I agree a hundred percent. So yeah, that's one. And I think does that energy translate? I think I've spoken about this, it will come out, yeah. Because if I'm like, oh my god, girl, I just bought my new Range Rover spot. Uh oh, they're telling you Range Rover over here, yes, and I'm excited about it, and then I said, Yeah, congratulations, and then you're out like I I catch that, so like, okay, how how does one first of all for the jealousy and the jealousy? I don't know what the English is, but okay, for let's say I'm saying this, I'm sharing this news, and I see someone respond that way, how do I not go straight into this person is not happy for me? And then um, how does that person deal with that feeling in that moment?

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Yeah, um, I don't know. Anyway, for the person that like tells the news and you know didn't get the response that they were hoping for, I think it also boils down to before you even told the news. You have to already come in knowing that like you don't know how this person would take. Now, if let's say you even knew that this person also wanted a car, now you even have more um context, um, context of like, oh, okay, but this person likes it, I don't know how to tell the person. So now you have more to even say, okay, when I eventually tell this person, I should be open to how they might react. Like I should know that they may or may not react a certain way, they may delay reaction, they may react um immediately, blah blah blah, and stuff. I think one of the things um it because it has happened to me before with um another friend where um she told me something and I didn't react the way she wanted. Um, well, I guess it's well, it's this is like I use the example, it was not jealousy per se in this one, but like anyway, I didn't react the way she wanted um in it. And one thing I was grateful for in that moment, she called me out on it. Not and not in like a how dare you are but and she was just like, Oh, that means everything okay. Like, did I say something like you didn't like? Is there is there a problem?

SPEAKER_02 15:30

Because I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

I told you this, but there was the way you reacted. I don't know if you and I was like, Oh, you know, and then I explained the reason why my mind was like that. So she left that conversation not thinking that I was not happy for her. She left that conversation knowing that it's not like in the moments, which maybe it was also not the best thing for me to do to make it about myself because I should have just focused on you. Yeah, I made it about myself in that moment, and yeah, we corrected that and then you know I tried to celebrate other ways. But yeah, so that would be I think like instead of just pretending, like, oh okay, I guess she didn't react and then now pretend as if it's you're okay, you are not okay. You didn't necessarily like the reaction that that you got, right? There's nothing be like, oh my god, was this a bad time? Like, you know, just call it like people are friends, like you are not vandals, like so. It's not like do you get what I mean? Like, yeah, so it's like, oh, did I did it hurt your because a news can be good and still hurt somebody's feelings? It's not, it's just what it is, like, it's just what it is. Yeah, so it's not, it's not like so. It's just like, oh, did this, you know, did this make you feel some type of way? I'm sorry, because that's what will even help you for another time. So now, oh, okay, maybe next time I should wait when the sun shines to tell her, or maybe I should wait. Do you know what I mean? I've just given an example, but yeah, yeah, we'll help you for next time because there will always be next times of you having to break a news or tell them something or whatever, right? Because another thing that I've also come to realize that even if somebody is not it's not only somebody even being jealous because they even want the thing, they may never want, yeah, they may never want the thing, yeah. So it's not always about oh, because they want it too, it's just that they're just jealous because just like it's just just because like there are times I'll see some things online, like with like some just people online, and I'll just feel a sense of jealousy. And I walk with them, I'm like, Why are you jealous? Because you don't even want to be a problem. You don't even want this, like what's the problem? Like, what's the problem? Yeah, I fix myself back ahead. So I think it's just like it could happen, it's just now how like how a person handles it, and the person that is jealous, I'll be jealous, I'll be jealousy. I don't know. The one that is jealous of and yeah, no, no, no, that is jealous.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Oh, the one who is jealous, yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

The one I think you got like again, if you feel even if let's say you you were able to hold the emotions to react in, like, oh my god, that's nice. Now, please, when you go and you deal with it, I always talk to someone, even if it's not that person, as you said. Maybe you oh tell me someone about it. Tell somebody about it, like, oh, this is how someone that would not now call you a witch just because you are jealous. Safe someone, yes, just okay. I feel like you know, this person told me this, and I don't know, it it didn't land the way that maybe I even thought it would land, or I just felt some type of way, this, this, this. You know, only talking self isn't this person may never have advice for you.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

Yeah, it helps. It's like we spoke in one of the previous episodes. It's like it loses uh the when you when you share it, that feeling loses its hold on you to bring it to light. Yeah, come out of darkness and bring to light. Because when you sit on it, that uh dark witchcraft is creepy is creepy. So now we're going to segue still jealousy, but now jealous the the jealous friends who don't want to share their friends, share your friends, though even still a thing. I think so. I I I think it's more a personality thing than it is. I don't I don't think it's necessarily terrible.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

Actually, yeah, I don't think no, I don't think it's the yeah, I agree. I'm just worried because I I guess it's because the way I'm thinking about it, like okay, maybe if me and you we are like close buddy buddy friends, and then now it's like you're getting close to somebody else, to somebody else, and I'm feeling is it I'm wondering, is it is it jealousy coming from maybe you're feeling left out, or is just that you just don't want this person to have the same access that you have to this person, like you want to be the alpha and the omega.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

Maybe, yeah, you know, we want exclusivity. Are you my friend? Are you just everybody's friend? Are you just out here for everybody? Please, please, please. I need exclusive friends.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

Imagine if all of us only have one more friend.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

Yeah, man, that's gonna be tough.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Like, how do you do you know like no? I don't know. I don't think like like, yeah, as you said, I don't think it's necessarily bad. I just don't think is um a um healthy, healthy way to go about life, yeah, or even a mature thought process because like come on, you cannot be all things to one person. Yeah, there's no way, it's just unfortunately, it's just what it is. You you can't you you can't. Even like our heavenly father is a trinity because the Holy Spirit has what it does for us. Jesus is the one that went to die. Holy Spirit did not die. Like, do you get what I mean? So it's like I feel like you cannot be one, yeah. It's Godhead though, it's still one in three, but one in three. Unfortunately, we we cannot be one in three, only one, we're only one person. So, like, we cannot be more than the one, like, do you get what I mean? So it's like it would be, I think it's even irresponsible for you to not want somebody to be able to have access to somebody else that may be able to help them with something that you can't. That's true, because you're pretty much telling them that yes, we can't, I can't help you with this thing, then damn it. Just be, just be. That's true, just sit with it. Yeah, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

I don't, yeah, I agree actually.

SPEAKER_00 21:23

I don't know, so I don't know, but yeah, I again you still does not, it doesn't mean that jealousy cannot creep in because you can definitely feel like oh me, I feel it, I feel it all the time, like with a friend with my friend in Nigeria, and it's not because I feel it and then I'll feel it like right after because it's like whatever. Because I have to also realize I'm not in Nigeria, yeah. Like, okay, the babe wants to go go out for Chinese. What would she do? You fly there, do you get what I mean? So it's like you also have to be realistic of the situation, like, yeah, I can feel like, oh my god, it's like does it like, and I think. On that thing is maybe don't compare because that's also, I think, something that can breed jealousy. It's comparisons like, oh, I feel like she's closer to this person than me, or she just look at just have channel vision, let it just be your own relationship. If you want your relationship to be closer, work on that, but not don't use it based on somebody else's like how their own relationship is. So yeah, I think because I feel like comparison too can cause you to now feel judged because you feel like oh, this person is always going out with this person every day. If you want to go out with them every day, tell them then, and then you will be going out every day. Do you get so it's just like I guess that's the that's the way to maybe break that that part, but yeah. But if you are just purely is only me, oh it's a lot. I don't know. I don't I don't think is I don't even think that you are you are able to handle it. I think you're just uh wicked, even to yourself, I think you're even wicked because you can't you genuinely if you really think about it, you cannot handle it.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Okay, I have a question. Okay, so for people who have a best friend, like one best friend, so does that mean that the theory, not theory, but like having a best friend is also a problem because it takes a lot of responsibility on that one person.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

I I don't know. I don't have a best friend, so I guess I cannot speak to the people that have best friends. But I have my closest friend, so among all my friends, there's one that is the closest, but I still don't expect everything from her but she knows everything, so my closer friends I might miss them with one or two things, maybe I don't know, or timeline. So, like for the most part, like with my friendships, it's not necessarily like the other ones won't know, but it may just be timeline. One might know the first day, the other one will know tenths day, whatever, depending on the closeness, just because the closest one also knows how knows best amongst the 10 or the five, knows best how I want that situation to be handled without me saying it. Some might have to tell them how they should have, like you know, so there's also all of that um dynamics. So now if somebody has best friend, I still don't think that they should expect that that best friend should be all or nothing. I don't know. Like, I I still don't think that you should expect that they should it should be them or for everything. There will be things they will probably carry a higher portion or higher of like you know the things that are going on with you and you know deal with it um more, like maybe out of hundred, maybe they deal with 80, 70, I don't know, and then the other 30 is spread among the other friends or something like that. But I still don't think that they should or they will be able to carry 100% of it. Yeah, that's that's how I think about it for that one.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

If you have a best best friend, yeah, tell us tell us how it works with you.

SPEAKER_00 25:05

I actually want to know the difference between a best friend and a close or close.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

Isn't it the same thing? Is it I think so?

SPEAKER_00 25:13

Okay, I guess I have a best I don't know about that. I can't complete that sentence with some.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

I think so, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

Anyway, yeah, maybe yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

Tell us how you're dealing with your stuff.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Yeah, tell us, tell us how you deal with the jealousies, the quipping.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Or if you have never ever speak for themselves by themselves, never ever, maybe other people, okay. If you have never ever felt jealousy ever, please share with us. Well, give us your tips too because we need to grow up and be like you. If you have never never ever, okay. If we are if you think we're we're strange, like what kind of human beings are you? You should not even have friends because how dare you be jealous, eh? We're not we're not really jealous like that.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

It's not he's jealous for a millisecond, and then it's gone.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

It's not it's not like that.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

I can be jealous that he has long hair, but guess what? I've moved on from it because guess what? I realized that if I had his hair, it will have cut because I could not take care of it.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

So you see, you see how it works, yeah. But yeah, so anywho, yeah, let us know. But also share, follow, like, subscribe, all the things, all of the things. Um, yeah, we'll see you. Bye.

unknown 26:50

Uh