The Other Side

TOS of Becoming a Mother at 40

• Nadine Hogan • Season 2 • Episode 15

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 1:16:33

What happens when the woman who spent years telling her partner that having kids was a 'dealbreaker' suddenly finds herself in her mid-30s wanting the exact thing she'd been against her entire life? Meet Brittany Gordon, a holistic nutritionist, founder of Healing Ginger, sister, daughter, friend, and now mom to two-year old Lillian. 

This week our conversation is focused around the experience of becoming a mother on the other side of 40, including the unexpected identity earthquake that Brittany had, the specific loneliness of being the oldest mom at playgroup, and the particular grief of looking at your toddler and realizing she's going to be fairly young when you die. 

Brittany is equal parts funny and raw, with a dash of quiet radical, as she explains what it was like to go from successful entrepreneur to mom to somehow finding a rhythm between both when she went back to work at just three months postpartum because ... small business owner! 

Join us as she also shares the unexpected gifts of becoming a later-in-life mother - the steadiness, the self-knowledge, the friendships that have already survived their hardest tests along with the ability to slow down and actually appreciate the slowing. 

This conversation is really about identity, how we build it, how we lose it, and how we piece it back together when life hands us something we didn't see coming. 

Grab yourself a salty-snack and settle in. This one's a keeper. 

@the_otherside_pod

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to the other side pod. I'm Nadine. We're not experts. We're just humans having a human experience we think we can learn from, or relate to, or laugh at, or cry over. So hit download, dive in, and hear how folks found themselves on the other side. And we are recording with Brittany. Oh Brittany, holistic nutritionist. What is your favorite snack?

SPEAKER_03

Oh.

SPEAKER_02

Favorite snack. Yeah. I mean, I love a good chip and dip, like a hell of a good and a plain ruffles. Delicious. But probably gravitate towards popcorn. Yeah. Like a salty, yeah, like it could be a plain butter and salt kind of popcorn. Or like a kernel's like flavored cheesy dill or something like that. But yeah, popcorn, probably.

SPEAKER_01

Hey, David loves popcorn. And I think because of that, he's ruined it for me. Because at first I'm like, oh, this person's making popcorn. And now I'm like, this person's making popcorn. I don't know. You know, and like he it's like he loves it. And I'm like, I guess so, but I'd way rather have a plain chip with some dip. This is how I know I've gotten older. When I was younger, my mom loved a plain salted chip. And I was like, that's the most boring chip flavor of all time, Lorraine. And now, if someone brings chips, I'm like, where's the plain? Where's the salted? Makes me so mad.

SPEAKER_02

Just you know what you're getting. It's just, I get it. I get it. I understand. It's just nice. It's salty. If you're having a glass of wine, it goes with it. You don't have to worry about it tasting.

SPEAKER_01

Air goes with it. Margarita goes with it. I love it. And don't come at me with those less salty ones. They I'm like, what's in that to make that taste good? No, thank you. Give me the salt.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Like, I'm here for the sodium.

SPEAKER_01

David's like, your sodium levels should be high. And they're not. I'm like, I know. I'm salt deficient. I'm from Newfoundland. We like we like thrived on salt. We had to salt our foods, we didn't have refrigeration, David. Like, I come from a long history. DNA that's like really got me having a lot of salt. Anyway. Okay, tell us who you are.

SPEAKER_02

I'm Britney Gordon. I'm healing ginger. So that uh I am a holistic nutritionist. My big spiel that I give everyone is that I like to think that I come from a place of realism when I'm working with people. Everything I do is rooted in science. It's not like this worked for me and felt really good, sort of thing. It's awesome if that is also true. Uh, but I like that there's scientific information and research to back the things that I'm supporting my clients with. I say I am coming at it from a realistic perspective because I want it to work for the people that I'm working with. So as much as it would be really nice for me to have like a cookie cutter, this is the program that I put everybody on and it works really well. That's just not how life is for everybody. So everything I do is made for the individual so that it can actually fit into their life and it's something that becomes a habit or becomes applicable to the way that they want to live forever, basically. It's kind of here.

SPEAKER_01

Here's where my brain's going right now. We are here to talk about being a mother later in life.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But I have so many questions to ask you about your job. And then I'm like, oh my God, it's my Enneagram seven coming out. Like my mind is like dun, dun, dun, dun, this, that, that, d, that. And then I'm like, what's Britney's Enneagram? Do you know?

SPEAKER_02

No idea. I'm like, oh, I have never done any of those things. I got out of the government before they started doing those type of things on a regular basis. And okay.

SPEAKER_01

We're gonna put a pin in that and we're gonna talk about that offline because I'm like, such a cool thing. Okay, I do have one question to ask you about your job, and then we will chat about um mothering and all that beautiful things. All those beautiful things. Okay, before we started to hit record, I just wanted to make sure I was saying your title right. So I'm like holistic nutritionist, and then there's dietitian, and you were like, it's not dietitian. What is what's the difference?

SPEAKER_02

Um, dietitian is a regulated field. Okay. Um, they go to school like doctors go to school, they do residencies like doctors do residencies. We are different. Okay. Yeah. So my field is unregulated. Their field is always covered by insurance. I think it's often covered by OHIP here in Ontario, but I it's normally under the umbrella of like public health. But you don't um they work in hospitals and stuff like that. I do not and cannot work in a hospital. Um I like we use different metrics. Like, I don't operate off of like the food guide, that that that type of thing. I also wouldn't do like cancer nutrition support. That would very much be like a dietitian thing.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Okay, understood. Did you always know you wanted to be a mom?

SPEAKER_02

No. Yeah, I think uh like uh if you like talked to anybody that knew me like you like five years ago, they would be like, oh Britney's a mom now. Yeah, no, it was always like an absolute no, thank you. Like, no, that's not for me. That's not something I am interested in doing. Yeah, it was always a pretty hard pass when my partner and I, when we got together and he was like, we were thinking of moving in together, I was like, There are some things that are not on the table. And if they need to be on the table for you, we need to reevaluate our relationship. And one of those things was having kids. I was like, it's it's a hard pass for me. So, like, if it is a hard you need if it's a deal breaker for you, then we have to reassess this sort of thing. That is how sure I was that I was not interested in becoming a motherhood. I don't believe I just didn't grow up with examples of motherhood that made it look like something that wasn't completely miserable. Like it just it looked horrible. It looked like it, yeah. It just it didn't look like something I wanted for my life. It looked just, yeah. It just did not look like something I wanted to be a part of. I I wanted to be happy is I think is yeah. Gosh, like that sounds so like doom and gloom.

SPEAKER_01

Um, it sounds really beautiful and simple. Like I just uh wanted to be happy. I think that's really beautiful. And I also just want to take a moment to chat about how hard those conversations are with partners and um like potential someone that you're gonna spend your life with. Like David and I had those conversations once every six months, like not because we like planned it, it just would come up and I was not so certain I didn't want them. But David was like, you, he was like, This is a deal breaker. And I remember calling my best friend when we were when I found this out, because maybe we were together, I don't know, six months when I it even came up because I it just wasn't on my mind. And he was so nonchalant, he was like cooking breakfast, doing something, and I was sitting at the counter at his house, and I don't even know how it came up. And he's like, Oh, no, I'm never having kids. And I was like, And then he was just like, I don't know, frying an egg, and he's like, What do you want them? Because I mean, I was 34 maybe at the time. I don't know why he thought you're passing, but it seemed to shock him that I would. And I was like, I don't know, like I don't today, but like what if I do? And he's like, It'll be an issue, and so we'd have these gut-wrenching conversations every now and then. And I talked about this on the podcast with Lori about when we were talking about miscarriages. So I just want to like ask you a little bit more about that. Was that a gut-wrenching conversation for the two of you, or was he like cool?

SPEAKER_02

So my partner's name is David, also. So cute.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, these are the Daves I know.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, he is such an easy-going guy that like it. I don't think we like we've had hard conversations, but he never makes them feel harder than they are thing. I think I was also just so solid in my resolve that I wasn't having kids that I was like, well, it like if that's what he needs, I can't give that to him. So there's like no point in wasting his time, is like I so it didn't feel hard in the moment when we were having the conversation. Um, but he was also like, whatever you need. He's like, You change your mind, cool. We talk about it again. You don't change your mind ever, cool. We build our lives this way. Like he was fine, he was like, I'm here for you, is basically what he had to say about that. So I was like, All right, you are welcome to move into my apartment now. Like you may come threshold, right? We had also been dating for like eight months, I think at that point. Like we moved in together really quickly. We had known each other for like five years. I don't need to testify that. We're married, it's 20 years in now.

SPEAKER_00

What years you've been together?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, in September. It's crazy. Wow, but yeah, so it didn't feel hard. The times that it came up again, I it was like, I don't know. It I don't think it ever felt hard until we started having conversations about doing it. And then it was like, oh god.

SPEAKER_01

How did that happen? Where was the shift?

SPEAKER_02

I am not even sure. I say that it was him that started being like, Are you sure you don't want to do this? And if you talk to Dave, he says it was me that started bringing it up, being like, Are we sure we don't want to do this? Um, and so we started going back and forth, and then it was just like, you know what? We don't even know if we can have a kid, like we're older at this point.

SPEAKER_01

So we'll be at this point 34, 35. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

So, and at 35, you're considered a geriatric pregnancy. Um, it's really aggressive. Um, so we were just like, we don't even know if we can. And I was like, I'm kind of sick of being on birth control, like I'm over it. I had an IUD at the time, it self-rejected itself, so it had to be removed early. And then I was just like, I just am not interested in more of this. I've been on some form of birth control since I was 17. I'm just like, I just want to see what my body can do if I feel different, my mind feels different off of this stuff. And then that's when we started having serious conversations about like, okay, well, what if we do get pregnant? Do we want to get pregnant? What would having a kid look like in our lives? What would it look like with my job? Because at that point, I was like six, five, six years into building my practice.

SPEAKER_01

It's just called Healing Ginger, right? Like that's your that's the name on your Instagram. If people want to find you, I'll put a link in the show notes, but it's healing ginger on Instagram. What about uh on your website?

SPEAKER_02

Is it it's healingginger.ca. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

So you had been like six years as a small business owner building up this business. Okay, yeah, because that's really gonna shift things. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Right. And at the time I was working like I was working towards being able to not have to work so much. But at that time, I was working like six days a week, and my seventh day was like an admin day. So no clients, but working. I was still going out and doing like free promotional kind of talks here and there and corporate talks. I was right, like I was building, I was on CTV, I was on CBC Radio, I got in the Globe and Mail. Like I was hustling to build a practice or build something that worked, that made a living sort of thing, while also still helping people. Um, and it was a weird time to start being like, okay, well, am I blowing that up? Like, am I ready to blow that up? And so he was like, We're not blowing that up. That's lunacy. We're of course we're not blowing that up. He's like, you're working towards having more time so that we can balance it properly. So I think that was the thing we were maybe the most delusional about going into parenthood was that like I work for myself, it's gonna be so much easier to build. It's so easy. It's gonna be easy. I'm like, I get to make my schedule. And I mean there is still a part of that, but like I went back to work at three months postpartum. Oof. Right? Like I didn't, and when I was on leave, you're as an entrepreneur, like you don't get EI, you don't get maternity pay. So I get like the child benefit, whatever ever like people get. So that was my that was my maternity pay. It was like 200 bucks a month. Um, so I went back part-time three months postpartum. I'm still technically part-time. I'm home with my daughter all day long, and then I work. It's working, like we're making it work, but it is not this like easy breezy thing that we were like easy breezy, just it's just a baby. How could I be that be?

SPEAKER_01

Okay, your daughter is now two, two, yeah. And how old are you?

SPEAKER_02

I am 42. 42.

SPEAKER_01

So you had her at 40.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I had her at 39, so she was three months old, and then I turned 40.

SPEAKER_01

Then you turned 40. So you started having this conversation, like this kind of shift in like maybe we would do this around mid-30s, and then you're considered geriatric at 35, a geriatric pregnancy at 35. Uh, so did you right away were you like, let's try for this, like when you got your ID IUD removed, or like how did that go? We were like, let's just like pull the goalie, let's see what let's just see what happens.

SPEAKER_02

And nothing really happened. Right? Like it was just like, okay. So I was like, maybe I can't even get pregnant. But then we were like, okay, like pandemic had like ended. We were starting to get more serious about it. We like sold our old house, bought a new house with more space in an area with a yard. Because we were like right in like center town, like we were right downtown before. Um, we had some space, but it would have been crazy to have her there. But so we were like getting more serious about it. The pandemic was starting to get endemic, right? It was like moving that way, and then we were like, okay, let's actually start trying. So, like tracking cycles, tracking ovulation, peeing on things, like doing all of that stuff. So I would have been around like 3738.

SPEAKER_01

Um, she really jumped in from like this is not on the table to tracking cycles and like your mind really did shift. That's that's beautiful. My mom wishes you were her daughter. She was always like, it'll shift. I'm like, I don't think so. But anyway, it's just beautiful to hear a different story where it actually really did shift to where you were like, hey, wait a minute, nothing is happening. Let's like be more serious about this. Let's really look into it.

SPEAKER_02

So the shift wasn't because nothing was happening. I was just like, okay, like if we're going to do this, like I 40 is getting closer, and I don't want to be like the oldest person in the room at graduation. Like, so it like that was what it was. We were just like, okay, whatever. But then we were like, okay, like if this is something that we actually want and we're getting to a place that like our brains are getting set on it, then we actually have to give it a go.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Sort of thing. Um, just because it felt like there was like a finish line sort of thing.

SPEAKER_01

Really, for women, especially, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Uh, men too. I just uh a lot of it's like a lot of it's put on the woman, but like the quality of sperm starts to degrading after age two.

SPEAKER_01

Right. Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_02

There's higher likelihood of miscarriage because of sperm quality. There's highly higher likelihood of like really gnarly, gross things that happen to the woman while pregnant because of sperm quality. Like there's a bunch of other factors that also happen. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, it makes sense.

SPEAKER_02

It's just not talked about because why don't you only just starting to be studied?

SPEAKER_01

The patriarchy?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I wasn't gonna say it, but I always do.

SPEAKER_01

David's like, you don't want that for dinner? Why? I'm like the patriarchy. He's like, You can't blame everybody. You're like, can actually, yeah, like watch me. Okay, so before you have a baby, your identity is business owner.

SPEAKER_02

I think that was a part of it. I was like, so I was like a personal trainer, a yoga instructor, a nutritionist. I was like always working. I was a great friend, I was a good sibling. Like I like that's who I was. But I think like once having a child, I realized that like I was a nutritionist. That was like business owner nutritionist. That was my identity. And that gets rocked.

SPEAKER_01

Like, why wait a minute, why is that the one part of you that really stuck out? Like, that's who I actually am after you had your daughter.

SPEAKER_02

That's who I was. I don't know if I would say that's who I am anymore. I think it was the thing that like got separated from me the most intensely post baby. Oh, your career. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, say more. How?

SPEAKER_02

I'm like, my eyes are gonna water, but I'm not gonna cry, I promise. No, no.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, cry. I mean, I've cried almost do it. If you don't want to, but if this is a safe space, we could just cry for the next 10 minutes together and just together. It'd be beautiful.

SPEAKER_02

That's just a part of the clip. That's the clip. That is the clip. Just you and I just staring at each other. I think it's because I worked so hard to build it, to create it, to like create a safe place for people to come and get nutrition advice. So much of what I do is working with people that worked with others in like the health and wellness or the dietetics world and had horrible dismissive experiences. So I worked really hard to create a space where they would be listened to and believed and they would be helped to like grow thing and develop a space for them where they felt like they could experiment and fail and try again, and right without the judgment and the shame and all of that stuff that is so often associated with food and nutrition and diet and body image.

SPEAKER_01

Such a vulnerable place for you to to what like what's it called when you like put your flag in? Like when you like climb a mountain and you're like, boom, I've climbed this mountain. What's that?

SPEAKER_02

Claimed it.

SPEAKER_01

I guess. I mean, of course the patriarchy, they want to claim a mountain. Anyway, okay, I'll I'll lay off, man. Okay, but like to stake your claim, like this is what I do. It's such a vulnerable space, food, body image, diet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Right. And it was a decade of work. It was a decade of working in awful clinics and having weird gym relationships because I set up shops in different like studios and gyms, and worked with various clinics and did talks for them and like all of this stuff before able I was able to find healing ginger and what that looked like and what I wanted to be able to offer people. So it was so much of my time and energy, and I mean it was like 70, 80 hour work weeks. I think anybody that has built a business or anything knows what is dumped into it, and it just went from something that felt really successful and felt like I was helping people and felt like I was building community to not being able to show up in that capacity.

SPEAKER_01

Because you have a baby.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And I had something else, like somebody else that I had to show up for in that capacity. Right. And it starts becoming this thing where you really you have to start making the decision as to where you want to put that energy.

SPEAKER_01

Do you think it would have been different if you had her mid-20s? Like, let's say you start creating this business when you're like when you finish all of your studies to become a holistic nutritionist. Let's just pretend it's 22, just for the sake of the pod. And then 25, you're like, maybe I'll have a baby. Do you think it would have been different?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I was actually, I was just thinking about in my head. I'm like, I think if I had been in my like early 20s or even early 30s, and having come to this, like, I'm gonna have a baby now, sort of thing, I think it would have been very different. I think in my early 20s, I don't know if I would have made the same decisions that I have made now. I don't know if I would have been like, okay, like healing ginger has to take a back seat. Like, she's gonna be this tiny one time. She's gonna need me at this capacity one time, right? My business is always going to need me at that capacity forever and always, right? Like I am the nutritionist, right? So all of those responsibilities are always gonna fall on my shoulders. Her stuff is shifting all the time, right? Like her needs are shifting and growing and changing, and it's different. So I don't know if my 20-year-old self would have made the same decision to take as big of a step back as I have.

SPEAKER_01

And did that was that quite jarring for you to take such a big step back from a business you spent a decade plus building?

SPEAKER_02

Yes, and it continues to be that jarring.

SPEAKER_01

Really?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I I don't think I've gotten, it's like two years in, and I don't think I've gotten used to the amount that I'm able to show up. That is like I was like going through and thinking of this, and I'm like, I think it it was one of the biggest moments that like unearthed again imposter syndrome, like nothing other than nothing I've ever experienced. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

When you first started the business, did you have imposter syndrome? Uh yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_02

I like I it's one of those things, like you come out of school and everybody in the program knows all of the things, right? Like everybody eats well, everybody knows how to balance this and that and macros. And we know, oh, if that's happening digestively, do this thing. And right, like you you know all this and you're surrounded by everybody that knows it. So you come out being like, I have nothing to share, I have nothing to share with anybody until you start working with regular human people and you're like, Oh, I have so much to share. I have so much to share with so many people. But it also is just like, oh, do I actually do I actually know all of these things? And then like when I started going on like media, started being like, Oh, someone's gonna figure it out.

SPEAKER_01

Someone's gonna see me, yeah, say something, and then I'm and then I'm done.

SPEAKER_02

Like, yeah, they're gonna be like, What a phony. I remember I got I had a client who was a family physician, and I was like, This it was every week, once a week, it was like pure panic came over me, and she was just like, I'm sorry, what does it really have that vitamin in it? I was like, Oh, doctors really don't know, but it was just like I'm like, if there was ever a client to figure out that I'm a fake, it's this lady, but like I'm not a fake, right? Like, I know I know my things, and it took a really long time of working and building and trusting myself and seeing my clients thrive for me to get to a place where like I believed in my own capabilities, sort of thing. And then I had a kid, and your brain changes, right?

SPEAKER_01

So postpartum, you go back into this imposter syndrome in a different way.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. I just like I feel like I'm not showing up in the capacity that I had been capable of showing up in for my clients previously, right? And it's just like I always joke, I'm like, I have to show up and sound like I know what I'm talking about. Like, and I don't know if mentally I'm able to sound like I know what I'm talking about anymore.

SPEAKER_01

Why? Because you're tired, like what like I've never had a baby, so tell me.

SPEAKER_02

It's it's the switch off, right? Like, so from like 5 30 in the morning until like 2 30 in the afternoon, I'm on call as a mom. I could tell you like every last like Cheerio or like piece of ragman of fruit she has eaten throughout her nutrition, I could tell you about. Got it. Um, but then it's the like, okay, I have 20 minutes to switch in to Brittany the nutritionist and not the mom anymore. And that switchover just doesn't feel as easy as it used to, like going from like Britney the person doing her groceries and wandering around and whatever to the nutritionist was an easy switchover before because it felt like one of the same almost. Like I'm doing my meal prep, I'm taking pictures of my meal prep so I can share it and I can explain this. I'm doing grocery shopping, I'm taking pictures of my grocery shopping so I can share it and I'm explaining. But now meal prep is me meal prepping while keeping a tiny hand away from my knife so that I don't cut it off. Or grocery shopping is me getting certain things and saying, No, we don't need more Cheerios, we have Cheerios at home.

SPEAKER_01

Right?

SPEAKER_02

Like, so it's not like it isn't as fluidly mixed anymore.

SPEAKER_01

Uh, because it before it was so easy to be a nutritionist in all those areas of your life. This is starting to like come full circle to when I said, Who were you before you had your daughter? And you were like easily named all the things of who you were, but a nutritionist was interwoven into all of them. Yeah, okay, and now you have to be mom in one lane and nutritionist in another, and you have to like demarc, is that how I say it? Demark dem demarcate, or what do you how's that word?

SPEAKER_02

I think that's it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, like you have to be like, okay, this is happening from 5 30 to 2. I'm mom and from two to advertising, yeah. Yeah, of course, okay, in that 20 minutes.

SPEAKER_02

I have to again become nutritionist Brittany, who How do you do that? I I am not sure. I think I'm pulling it off. Um, I mean, like I love being a nutritionist, so it's not like I have to like convince myself to do this. I I it's it's just it feels so different. I remember having a conversation with my dentist of all the people um about how I was going back. And it was like, she's like, Aren't you only three months post-fardom? And I was like, Yeah, but like, like I work for myself, and she's like, girl, I hear you. Because dentists are very much, I think dentists and doctors are in the same kind of realm of stuff in the Mat Leave world of things. But um she kept saying that she was excited when she finally got to go back to work because it was like, Finally, I know what I'm doing. She's like, because all day long you're with this kid being like, was that right? Oh, did I mess up?

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, right.

SPEAKER_01

You're not just questioning Brittany as a nutritionist and a mom like in this like post. It's everything. Yeah, you're questioning yourself all fucking day and night long.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my god, women, right?

SPEAKER_02

And so I was like, okay, so when I get to go to work, I'm gonna be a nutritionist, and I know myself as a nutritionist, I can trust myself as a nutritionist. I'm knowledgeable, I'm knowledgeable, but then I got to it and I'm like, am I still knowledgeable? So it's not like, yeah, it just like it feels like there's a gap that's happened, and it's it's challenging to remind yourself that you are still knowledgeable. Stop it. Like you're still reading the papers, you're still doing the things, you're still a nutritionist, you're just also a mom now, too. Right.

SPEAKER_01

In a perfect world, would you have taken a longer Matt leave?

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god, yes.

SPEAKER_01

Um do you think?

SPEAKER_02

I would have taken the 12 to 18 months that everybody that works a regular nine to five job gets the opportunity to top up to.

SPEAKER_01

Do you ever do you ever wish that you were, I don't know, in a regular nine to five job where you could have done that?

SPEAKER_02

Sometimes I'm like, oh, I shouldn't have never left the government because I did work for the government for like a solid decade, but it was so soul sucking, so soul sucking. I like I could not do it. Yeah, I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_01

I get it. Like I again, I'm not a mom, but like I do sometimes, sometimes I'm like, I think I have to want to do this stuff. Like, why couldn't I just have like sometimes I'm like, David, and I've definitely cried and said, Why couldn't I just wanted to be an accountant? Because I'm the one accountant, or just something to me, accountant seems so like I've graduated, here's my letters, boom, that's my job. And like, look, I'm not saying being an accountant is easy. And I actually love the man that's my accountant. But anyway, um, and he works really hard. But all that to say to me.

SPEAKER_02

To me, it's the thing that you know what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's not something I have to constantly like try to figure out. Like, I I just show up and I like account. This is the job. I just account, but yeah, so I can get I I get those moments. But I then I know that you know, this just this is it's just not in the my DNA. It just never was. I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur. Uh yeah, my brain just spirks like this when I like lean into it because there's really no other choice. But I just wanted to make space for those moments where it's like, why didn't I just want to do this?

SPEAKER_02

Because they're really I mean sometimes I'm like, can I just suck it up and do it again? Can I just go back and suck it up and do it again? So the thing is though, like as weird as it is up here, it does afford me, like I do get to be at home with my daughter for the day. Right.

SPEAKER_01

We're still not choosing to do the other thing. Like, that's what's really interesting about it. And probably someone who's doing that might be like, God, I wish I could wanna open up a I don't know, whatever, coffee shop. And maybe they never will either, because it's actually not what you really want. Like the grass is always cleaner type deal. But yeah, yeah. Okay. So post what's your daughter's name?

SPEAKER_02

Lillian.

SPEAKER_01

Lillian, how is she?

SPEAKER_02

She is wonderful. She is a spunky, smart little being. Like she, I fear the day she's in her 20s, she's gonna outdo me in all and every aspect of life, and I can't wait to see that.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

This is a this is a big question. Can you explain what it feels like to be a mother to someone who's not a mother? If you were to talk to, I mean talking to me, but even if you were to talk to yourself five years ago, how do you sum it up? What's the experience?

SPEAKER_02

You're tired. No, no. I I don't know. I don't know how you would explain that to someone else. I don't think I'd be like, oh my god, it's a joy that you like the traditional, what everybody like you're missing out on something. It's so glorious, it's so wonderful, it's so beautiful. No, I there are glorious, wonderful, beautiful parts of it, but I don't think that's how I would explain it to somebody. It is different than anything you've ever experienced. Uh, there's an aspect of it that is very rewarding, I guess, could be the word. But mostly it's wonderful to see her become a person, right? Like she's only two, so there's more to come. But she went from like a little potato blob to a sassy little has very firm opinions about who she wants around her, what type of clothing she wants to wear, what activity she wants to perform, right? And you like it's wonderful getting to watch her become her.

SPEAKER_01

That's beautiful. Um, mothering in your 40s versus 30s, 20s. What like is there a comparison?

SPEAKER_02

Not for me, I can't compare it to anything, but I am often the oldest mom when I go to play groups and stuff like that. Everyone's always so generous and they always think I'm mid-30s, so I'll take it. I there's often things like that moms will bring up that they're going through in like their relationship or they're struggling with in society or they're doing that it I'm past that, right? So I think that is the glorious part of having been so much older or older than somebody that is 28 or turning 30. And this is like I've had I have friends that have older kids that were older when they had their kids, and we had the same conversation. Like, I wasn't at a place where I would have been like, Oh, I'm sad that I can't go out to the bar with my friends. We're we're not going to bars. Like, we're not like isn't that type of thing? Like, and if we are like, it's like a drink, like we're not, I'm not partying and dancing and doing all of those things like I used to do. I also wasn't in a place where I was missing it to begin with, sort of thing. Whereas I, if I was in my late 20s or early 30s, I think I would have been bummed that I couldn't be going out for like beverages or for meals or whatever right after work. I think I would have been sad that I had to plan and program around somebody else, sort of thing. But also like relationship-wise and like who I am wise and friend-wise, like all of that is so different the older you get. And I think to I don't know, I like I'm like maybe I would have remained friends with some people that they are so far away from my life now that would that have been good for me? Would that have not been good for me? Also, you think of like the weird fights and arguments and conflicts you have with your partner in your late 20s, early 30s, mid-30s, even. Those are resolved things for me. And I'm not having those moments with the addition of another human being, which is another stressor, right? Because it's an unknown. So I think like that's the blessing of being older is that like you're firmer in who you are, you're firmer in a lot of your friendships, you're firmer maybe in your relationship with your partner. A lot of the like disagreements and weird stuff has been resolved. Like you've come out on the other side. Not to say that other stuff isn't gonna come up. Um, but I do see it in some of the younger moms being like, oh man, I remember that fight. Like I remember having that fight with my partner, and I'm so happy I'm not doing it sleep-deprived.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Oh, what a good point. I think back on fights that I would have uh with David when we were first together in my early 30s, and it was obviously just work I needed to do on myself, right? To be triggered by something that had actually nothing to do with David or me, probably, or the or the moment. It it was like triggering something else. And it is nice to be past that. And I never actually thought of that until this very moment. Got off therapy. Yeah, beautiful, right to a helpful, and the way you argue now is different, or the way I argue is different, and sounds like the same for you. That is fascinating, you know. Oh gosh, you're just like, this is this is a whole other podcast. That's so lovely to think about. Yeah, I never and you're right to do that sleep deprived.

SPEAKER_02

I could I cannot imagine it. And it's not like things don't come up, things are gonna come up regardless of how old you are when you have a kid, right? And you're you're gonna like argue about the division of labor and that like I'm always the one getting up. And it's like, right, like everything feels so big when you are that exhausted, but it's different, like like you said, like we fight differently now. So it's like it's a heated conversation as opposed to like I can't look at you right now. Like it's not as explosive, sort of thing.

SPEAKER_01

Like Tom, I literally charged out the door. I was like, ah, I don't think I said I was done, but I I left. And then I got to the driveway and I was like, How dare he? So I marched back in. I was like, You didn't chase me? And he was sitting on the couch and he looks over and he was like, No, like, dare you that just charging on. He was like, What is that? Whereas now I'm like, I'm gonna walk the dog and figure out why I'm actually not bad at you. He's like, have a good walk on.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna cool it down, which is also so nice because I'm like having like being able to be an example of how to fight with somebody. Yeah, for your kids, um, I think is a gift. It is something that like very early on in my relationship with my husband, we had to, I I had to figure out. He was like, What do you mean? No, we're just having a disagreement. What do you mean? I was like, So this is over, you're leaving, obviously. And he was like, What are you talking about? Like, I just thought it was not enough pasta sauce. And I was like, You're a lean. I don't know. So we're broken up, we're broken up. Um, but just like also like the language we use, like those were all things that I like I had to learn how to navigate as an adult because uh it was not an example, it was a different example for me, but then also like making up, right? Like, I I think for a lot of us, we like got to see our parents fight, but we didn't get to see them come back together at the end, and that's something that I'm like I think is an important part of like people fight, and then you apologize, you work it back out, and you figure out how to work together at the end. Right. That's how relationships work with everybody, not just with your partner. So I if I was in my 20s, I had this kid, she would be having a very different experience also.

SPEAKER_01

What about financially? Is there a part of you that felt like, oh, we kind of got our shit together? And like, no judgment if not, because listen, I'm always working out my finances and I'm 48. But like, you know, there is a certain point where we hit and we're like, oh, okay, this thing's way more grounded, or I'm way more grounded. I've got a house, all those things when we're older. Was that a factor at all?

SPEAKER_02

It might have been. I don't think it was at the forefront of my thought process. Um, but now that I'm not full-time working and I'm able to be like, she's not in daycare. I'm with her all day long. And then I work in the evenings, right? That's not something I don't think we would have been able to do as younger parents. So I think the fact that I did have a decade behind me in setting up my business and I wasn't just starting out at setting up my business. Because if I was just starting out at setting up my business, taking like as big of a step back as I have now wouldn't have been a possibility if I was actually interested in building something, right? I would have had to go back to the government or I would have had to go back to a nine to five or something like that to be able to help provide for somebody else's life. Yeah. So I do think that it helps now. I don't know if it was a factor for me. It might have my husband's a lot more pragmatic than I am. So it's very likely something he thought about more so than me.

SPEAKER_01

But um did a lot of your friends have kids before you?

SPEAKER_02

Uh so this is like it's a funny thing. Like when you like partner up with someone, like friend groups amalgamate, sort of thing. So his friend group, they I think every last one of them had kids before 30 or like like in that range, that very early range. My friends that I brought into it, like I think four of them have kids. Um, those like everyone he knew child. Then we have like a couple friends that that we share together, they have kids. So that's two of them. And then I have two girlfriends that have kids, and everybody else that I've always associated with is child free to this day. Um, so no, right? Like no for me, yes for him. So I think he saw it happening a lot more than me. And I was just like, oh, this is exhausting. Looks exhausting. guys but did they did anybody have kids around the same time as you or had they had them earlier yeah so everybody's kids like I think that the youngest is like six six or seven and so how does it feel to be a new mom around people that are well into it I think that is one thing a lot of people I don't know I don't think I was prepared for how big of a divide it is I am so thankful I have one of my best friends has an 11 year old and thank God because I can be like what is this what is this and she's like to the best of my knowledge like the best of my recollection this is what you kind of want to do right um so I'm very happy that I have friends that have older kids and can be like at the end of the day none of that matters like it doesn't matter you're gonna be fine give her the whatever sort of thing but I I had to work to find people that were in the same place in their parenting life journey whatever you want to call it as me whereas like his friend group had like built in like they were all having babies within like the same year of each other.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah this community of people who got what was happening in the moment that it was happening.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah right like they had kids when you were traditionally supposed to have kids whereas I was like I'm I'm nowhere near there like from a mental health perspective a financial perspective I what I want to do with my life perspective like I don't even know if I want them sort of thing. So yeah it has been interesting. I've met a lot of cool people but then it's also like I didn't go back to work at the 18 month mark. I had been working since three months right but I was going to the playgroups and the museums and the farm and the like whatever doing all of the things that they were all doing on Matt leave and then working in the evening uh but then they went back to work. So that community of people that I had met and worked to know for a year and a half poof right yeah so I mean some of them I've still kept in contact with um I was also lucky enough to meet this one woman who was like I'm not going back until like we're kind of done like so she's still like she's pregnant right now she's about to have another kid in like two weeks I think she's due but uh so it's an interesting kind of dynamic to be like well am I also looking for new friends or am I looking for friends for my kid am I looking for someone that I can bounce ideas off of so it's it's weird.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah I guess it could feel isolating right because it's really important to have those friends like I have friends that have older kids I have friends that have younger kids but I always feel I always know there's not a divide but a divide like I I don't that I don't swim in that pool. But equally I love going over and dipping my toes in and playing with their kids and then they love coming to visit me because a lot of them are Newfoundland and then uh they're childless and we go have fun in Prince Amber County and drink some wine. But but there is a difference like there's things that I can't relate to but then they have each other to relate to it. So I imagine if all of a sudden I had a two year old and all their kids are six plus and I'm an entrepreneur as well so I'd also be working probably pretty quickly it would be so beneficial I think for me to have somebody that's doing a similar thing like I'd be like Brittany.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah like it I was always like I don't think I need it like I got friends I don't want new friends I'm 40 like I'm tired.

SPEAKER_01

I get it but having someone that gets what you're going through is so paramount like it's so important.

SPEAKER_02

Well gets it but is also actively going through it. That and my girlfriend who has an 11 year old was like you need to go and find this and I was like I don't know if I do and she's like go and find this she's like you need to have someone that is at the same stage she's like I'm always here right like and she will always be there but she's like but he's 11 like he goes to the bathroom by himself when he throws up he makes it to the bathroom by himself right like he can put the dishes away on his own he walks himself to school like there there's such a big divide she was just like we're both parenting but you're in the trenches I'm not in the trenches anymore and I was like I never knew what that meant until you start doing it and you're just want to look over in the like dark night of the soul and see someone who's like in it with you even just to be seen and like say anything. That was crazy right they're like yeah that was crazy that was I see it I experienced it it was nuts. It's also like how quickly you forget what it was like or that feeling or what you did or how tired you were or whatever how quickly you forget like and that's one of the things that I'm just like I think that's why she was like you need to find someone that's in the same stage as you like she was like I can but I like honestly I don't remember and if someone were to be like what was it like with a newborn now she's two she's literally like two in two months sort of thing like 26 months I could tell you it was hard but I couldn't I don't remember the amount of wakeups. I know there were a lot sort of thing so that's why you need someone that is in the same stages as you and so do you have someone now uh yeah I have like a couple people that I would like call or bounce ideas off of I had like met some like pretty great supports like while they were on Mat Leave and stuff like that. It was really good to be like oh this is crazy. Is this happening to you? Like what's the sleep like how are you doing this? Uh one of the people that I met that was just it was so funny I'm like we only ever saw each other at the park but we saw each other at the park every single day. And they've moved away and it was like it was gut wrenching like just heartbreaking for both of us. I remember us just like hugging and crying and her husband being like oh God here goes again sort of thing. And he was like you guys never even really saw each other ever. It's not like you called or texted or whatever. And I was like we saw each other every single day for like almost a year for hours a day. I'm like that's more than I hung out with my husband because he was at work sort of thing and it was nice to just be able to be like so how are you doing? Oh yeah no I sat on the toilet and cried today being like relatable relatable right like so and like those are it's not relatable to a lot of people being like why are you sitting on the toilet toilet and crying being like oh because I haven't had a full night sleep in 25 months like it makes you want to cry. One of the most beautiful and like it sums up how tough this is stories about motherhood is a friend of mine when she was a new mom this was many years ago she was on a street where there was a new mom that she didn't know very well but she lived like like diagonal across the street anyway she'd be up in the middle of the night and being like I'm gonna go crazy like what is happening she said she'd look out of her window and see the light on in the other house in the I don't know nursery or the or the main bedroom either or or maybe the bathroom because they were sitting on the toilet crying but she was like I would just be like I'm not alone like I didn't have to call her we didn't I didn't necessarily see her the next day and talk about it but I'd always look for her light and I knew I wasn't alone and I was like oh God right what an isolating experience it can be even with your partner in the house because it's you know your hormones what you go through your physical changes in your body like you are feeding this person maybe like if you're not breastfeeding bottle feeding whatever but like yeah it's that's one of the things that I'm like I don't think anybody understands how lonely or isolating motherhood is thing like so having that like person that's at the same stage as you to be like how are you and knowing that like there is no judgment there because they are like same same sort of thing is really important. And I'm like I have a really good support system like my husband is incredible my big sister is amazing and like my best friend is over every single weekend she's like this is my new best friend so like they are incredible people and I definitely would not be able to do it without them but it's different to have someone to be like so what was that birth experience like for you thing also just like an aside I've yet to talk to a mom that didn't say something that wasn't completely traumatizing. It's not beautiful like I everyone's like it's such a beautiful experience I'm like no it's not I never wanted to hear those stories.

SPEAKER_01

I remember in our 20s when friends of my boyfriend at the time were having kids and the sometimes like the I found more so the women than the men I think would gather and someone be pregnant they'd be asking about it and I'd be like I'm over here I just never wanted to know I'm like that's terrifying if I know the more I know the less likely chance I am to do it and are you all happy now you're like worked it scared me scared me. But yeah it was always oh my gosh parenting in your 40s mothering in your 40s is there like what's the easiest part of it being 40 like being older I yeah like I mean I think it would have been easier to be able to be tired in my 20s.

SPEAKER_02

I think it would have been easier to have energy and no body aches and stuff like that in my 20s but I think I'm so much more appreciative of it now. I think I have a better understanding of what slowing down for this is now than I would have then. Right. I think I like I have a better understanding of my own feelings and emotions and triggers and how I react to things and how I need to be present for her like to help her learn how to regulate herself because she doesn't like her brain is still making right like she she doesn't know I don't think I would have been capable of doing it the way I'm doing it now. I would have figured it out I think you we all figure it out but I don't I don't know if I would have been as confident in it as someone that's not confident in anything she's doing but um but I like I I'm much more sure of how I'm approaching it now. I am also sure now that like when she does come to me when she's older and she's like you really messed that up that I'd be able to like receive that instead of just being defensive of that.

SPEAKER_01

What's the hardest part of being a mom in your 40s that she's gonna be so young when I die probably like that I know it's like so far away but that's where your mind goes off.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah yeah that's yeah but uh I mean my back hurts too if you want like an easier answer but she's heavy and wants to be carried everywhere my back hurts.

SPEAKER_01

Oh I I love your original answer. It's so raw and so unexpected but of but of course that's your answer right is there any part of you and this is a tough question and feel free to be angry at me for asking it is there any part of you that regrets not doing this earlier I think sometimes I like and it's not like I wanted to do it so much earlier.

SPEAKER_02

I think there's a part of me that's like it sucks that I had a miscarriage and that it took so much longer to get pregnant again. Like because that would have been like a that would have been two years like she'd be four now sort of thing or they would be yeah right I'm sorry you had a miscarriage that's that's really brutal. Yeah it wasn't a fun experience zero out of ten do not recommend really but uh right like so it's not like I wish I was 30 and had been able to come to this conclusion because I I still like I look back and I really I do not think it would have been a good choice for me then like I don't think it would have been a good choice for our family then sort of thing. Wise of you yeah so no I don't I don't regret not having done this earlier I think it happened when it happened and it was appropriate. Would it have been nice to have an extra couple years on this yeah but has anybody been judgmental or shitty towards you for having a a kid in your 40s uh no one I would associate with anymore no uh no nobody I don't think no offhand off sides comments nothing no I that that's also one of the things that I'm like a lot of the younger mums that I've been around have gotten a lot more helpful comments from strangers in like public than I have and I don't know if like because I'm like hope like I don't know maybe they're like that lady's old like just leave her alone maybe that's it I don't know but also like I like in like discussions and stuff like that I'm like there had been moments where like strange people wanted to try and touch my baby gross don't why you don't know them don't touch them they're a person um but uh whereas they felt uncomfortable saying something there was no part of me that had any problem being like no thank you like moving a hand away no thank you sort of thing whereas they were just like and I didn't know what to do sort of thing. So again I'm like I don't know if that's age I don't know if that's personalities I don't know what that is both. Because there's definitely things when I look back in my 20s I'm like why did I put up with that or why didn't I say something to about this or and I was again like well supported human and and uh I say again because remember you were talking about being well supported uh by when you had your daughter and uh anyway just I remember things in my 20s and I'm like gosh I was set up to be so confident and so self-assured and yet offside things have happened and I was like uh and then you know now I tell my mom she's like why didn't you tell me I'm like I don't know I didn't tell you about that professor odd um patriarchy just to bring it back around yeah it was like north yeah um but yeah so I think like that I'm like again I feel like that's a benefit of being a little bit older is so that maybe I'm more sure of myself maybe I'm also just like less Fs to give uh when it comes to that so a lot of my friends had kids actually in their 40s like my a lot of my closest friends who are mothers not all of them but actually the majority had them later not necessarily in their 40s but late 30s into 40s.

SPEAKER_01

And so I I'm just I'm used to hearing about this I don't know if we say sandwich generation and I can't relate because I again like I have my dad passed away I still have my mom I still have my in-laws luckily knock on wood everyone's doing well so there none of them need uh caretaking from me or my partner or my siblings but I do have friends who have young kids and parents that need help physically mentally help and so I see how flipping hard that is and that the person cannot ever feel like they're doing enough for either parents themselves or the kid and I feel so empathetic compassionate and absolutely useless to them.

SPEAKER_02

Do you have any feelings there about that idea of a sandwich generation fortunately I'm not in that yet I like also I mean we have interesting family dynamics. I like that my in-laws are like very healthy able-bodied wonderful people um they're also in Hamilton like they're not that we don't have any family in Ottawa my dad is turning 80 this month and he's in Alberta um so like I know it's going to eventually happen at some level but I don't know how it'll be for us I'm also not like an only child I have three sisters and a brother my husband has two other brothers like there's three of them in that family so if and when something like that needs to happen sort of thing none of us would be like we wouldn't be doing it by ourselves. Right what most surprises you about being a mom I mean that like there's it depends it like if you ask me what surprised me most about becoming a mother like right away it would have been that like I didn't have that overwhelming love rush over your body and then like the guilt associated with that that would have been the most surprising thing if you asked me at like a year it would have been that like everyone kept saying it was going to get easier and it never felt like it was going to get easier I think now it is not easy. I need to preface what I'm about to say it's not easy but I think the most surprising thing is that it's easy if that makes any sense like there's certain things that you're just like oh man like I for me at least that it like it looked so hard but those things aren't hard it I don't know if I'm explaining myself properly but it's just like maybe from like the examples or like memories of sort of thing I'm like all of that looks just so hard and so awful and so miserable and it's not I think that's like the biggest shock.

SPEAKER_01

So what's your identity now?

SPEAKER_02

Rude question um I think I am still able to call myself a nutritionist.

SPEAKER_01

I think I hope so you worked flipping hard you have a beautiful business.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my gosh Kay I'll let you speak um I'm just also a mom now so it's weird uh it's like a new weird set of expectations that we put on ourselves and we all put different expectations on ourselves of how we want to show up for our children and our partners and then like somewhere at the bottom ourselves right like but it's just like it's a re a reorg of what your personality is I guess like I'm still me I'm still weird I'm still I think funny like I'm still a great friend I am just also now this extra thing if yeah I think that's where I'm getting to thing. I like it it is a really I don't know I'm like I always thought it was because I'm type A and I'm like nobody tells you how hard it is because you're type A and you can't plan anything anymore. And all of the things that you do plan none of it works out the way you plan it or try to envision it. Like and so as someone that is type A, that was a really hard thing and continues to be at some level to get used to like actually learn how to go with the flow. I'm that person that's like I can go with the flow if I know who's gonna be there, what time it starts at, what the parking situation is I'm that type of go with the flow person. But yeah I just it's figuring out how to be more open to a shift and to be more open to accommodating somebody else's needs along with your own. It's the along with your own that has been a really hard thing for me to figure out right like there is you don't need to not be you anymore just because you're a mom. So I hesitate to be like I'm a mom now. That's not who I am I it's a part of who I am but also coming to the understanding that I'm not I'm also not just a nutritionist anymore.

SPEAKER_01

Right. My mom has a really beautiful way of um talking about being a parent. Because actually, bringing it back to the Enneagram. I was doing the Enneagram uh typing interview with her because I was curious and uh and I was practicing this in the fall, and she was giving me the gift of using her to practice on. And anyway, all that to say, I was asking her questions about who she is and how she responds to things and how she's handled things and how she looks at different parts of life. And I was saying to her, mom with the Enneagram, don't just think of yourself today as you are, and don't just think of yourself, you know, as a young mother or like think of try to think of in your answer, try to think of your whole life, but also be brief because like go with your gut. So it's a big, it's a big ask. I get it. And she was like, This is really difficult because when you have kids, it really does shift your answers. Like it's she was like, How I would have answered this before is so different now. And like, who was like I and she was like, I've always been me. So I'm gonna answer to the best of my ability of like deep down, like my instinctual like answer. But she was like, kids just they almost like consume you in a really beautiful way for a short period of time. And she was like, just let me like, so I'll just pass Lorraine through my body to you, Brittany. It's like this short time where maybe that label of mom is a bit more domineering, but it's also okay because it's not always going to be. And and other pieces of you always fit in there. Like I always saw, like I had a really beautiful example of a mom, and I always saw her fit different things in, but definitely not to the extent where she's able to now. Like now I see her go to dance class and take voice lessons and and be her silly self with her girlfriends. And for sure, I ate a lot of that time away from her as her daughter, as did my sister, my brother. But those pieces of you, it's like if I think of um like a puzzle, you know, and sometimes you have these big pieces, sometimes you have these little pieces, but like they're not always gonna stay that exact same piece.

SPEAKER_02

Just I think that is what I'm learning, right? I think there is like in the first year postpartum, it was like the big shock was that like who I didn't know who I was anymore. Like I'm just a mom. I was also like she never latched, like, so we didn't breastfeed, but I pumped. So I exclusively bottle fed through pumping, but so I was like, so I'm a food machine, is who I am, right? Like I just like at I don't think at any point in the first year I felt like Brittany. And so it wasn't until recently that I started being like, it is a shift, like it's just like I'm sure she's gonna turn three, and I'm gonna feel like a different divide of who I am thing. So the first year I was like a milk machine and a mom. And then I got to do the like my job every once in a while, sort of thing. And then as she moves into her second year, I like I'm not a milk machine anymore, thank God. Zero out of 10. Do not recommend the pumping experience. Uh uh, but so like as like we moved past that, I started to feel like her mom and myself again. So, like, the further you move away from pregnancy and labor, the more and more you start to feel like you again, whatever that pie diagram looks like. If that makes any sense. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

It does. It really does. I didn't ask you this, and probably it's going backwards, but I'm curious. Pregnancy in an older body, and again, it seems so weird to say older body, because my gosh, it was only 39. That's a young, delightful body, but pregnancy as 30 in a in a 39-year-old body versus 19, 20, like 21, when like my our I don't know, about your parents, well, my parents had kids. Um how did it feel? Was it I mean, I guess that's such a hard question to answer because you weren't pregnant at 19, 20, 21. Um, that I know of. Um different podcast. But I imagine it's so hard on a on a body because I I know like body-wise, I can feel my body changing for sure, and like how it's different, like different types of the way I move. My body changes as I get older, different foods feel different as I get older, sleep affects it more. There's you know, there's so many things. Is there anything to share about that?

SPEAKER_02

I everyone's gonna hate me for this, but I liked being pregnant. There was like a shift in my pregnancy that I was like, this is honestly the best I've ever felt about my body. I'm like, I wore my first contour dress, would to this day never do again. But like I just like I had a ton of body confidence because I was like, this belly is a baby. Like I'm like, I'm gonna eat, I'm gonna move the way I move. That feels good. Like, I like I felt good. I say that if my husband was in the room, he'd be like, No, you didn't. He would be, he would, I think, disagree. It physically didn't feel awesome. Uh, there is like like I have like back issues, as I think a lot of like older people do, but I'm like, I have like a degenerative thing in my spine. That shockingly didn't hurt, but everything else did. Uh, I had like carpal tunnel in both of my hands. I like uh oh my god, like pelvic discomfort, like a ton of things, but they are also all things that someone that is 19 can experience.

SPEAKER_01

Right, right. I think it's hard to yeah, it's really it's hard to compare without having both experiences in the body. Yeah, yeah, fair. How is Brittany today?

SPEAKER_02

She is doing good. I think she's doing pretty good. I like I yeah, like I'm finding somewhat of a flow. Am I showing up in my professional capacity at the same level that like my type A brain wants me showing up, not even close. But am I getting more comfortable with the fact that I've made room to show up for my child in a capacity that feels good to me? Yeah, so it's it's like getting comfortable with knowing that like that entrepreneur life, that like my clinic, my practice, like that is going to be there. I will make that happen when I have more time and she needs me a bit less, sort of thing. So I'm good.

SPEAKER_01

Is there anything about mothering, having a baby in your 40s, being pregnant, friends, family, anything about this whole experience that you'd like to share with anybody in a similar situation?

SPEAKER_02

I mean, I think I'm not sure. Like it's going to be so different for everybody else. I wish maybe like future Brittany could have come back and talk to past Brittany to be like, get ready to dig in. Like you're figuring it out, like your family is figuring it out. The three of you is figuring it out. It's just the three of you, sort of thing. To give us like me more of a heads up on that. Community is so important. Nobody raises kids fully on their own, but being solid in who you are and who your family is or what your family is is helpful mindset. I don't.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I imagine sixty-year-old Brittany and seven-year-old Britney would come back and say the same, right? Like, dig in for year three, dig in for year five. I think it's I think that's advice that can continue on for the rest of both of our lives, kids or no kids, right? Some years are broke digging in and just like head down, trudging through. And then some years are gonna be a bit boring because like nothing's really hard, nothing's really easy. And then some years are gonna be like delightful because like big things are gonna be happening, or for school, all the all those things, you know. I think it's for school. Yeah, I think that's a really great reminder for everybody. Just it's all gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. There are going to be times where it will never feel okay again, and then it will be okay again.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and they like it'd be so nice if we could give each other like a heads up. Hey, listen, hard time, but by May 1st, it's gonna be so easy. And then you're like, okay, it's March, you know, like I can get through, but you just never know when it's gonna shift a little, but it always does. It ebbs and flows.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. Thanks for sharing your story. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy I was able to share this story. I just like I think there's so much out there on motherhood, and I don't think there's a ton out there on the perspective of an older mother like this sort of thing, where it's like we don't have a nanny, we don't have like, right? Like it's it's it's a different, like it's just a normal, this is what it looks like for a lot of people who are older having kids.

SPEAKER_01

Wait, we were trying to think of what to call this one. It's we're like the other side of in the trenches, but given all that's going on in the world, that might be two on the nose, but it is like in the trenches of motherhood. But um, anyway, we'll figure it out. But um, this story is a really beautiful one and a really vulnerable one, and I really appreciate your time. And you're just oh god, such a lovely human. Have a beautiful day. You too.