TOS of a Chat with Mom & Sis on Graduation

It's the last Wednesday of the month which means mom and sis are on the pod! And this week the three of us find ourselves together in Calgary at my brother's home to celebrate our nephew (and grandson's) grade 12 graduation. Of course we had to give our two cents so we asked one another - what would you say to an 18 year old standing on the edge of everything?

Mom/Lorraine, 77, who has said more than once she'd do it all the same way again: "Enjoy every single second of it."

Sis/Danielle, 55, who works in mental health and will tell you that her 50s gave her permission to let go of any sense of control: "Get off your phones."

Podcast Host/Nadine, 48, entrepreneur, took the long way and believes she was always meant to: "Stop racing towards a finish line that keeps moving."

We also debrief our recent trips - including the time mom nearly burnt down an Airbnb in Notting Hill and somehow blamed the iron.

This one is warm, funny, and very us x

@the_otherside_pod

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the Other Side Pod. I'm Needy. We're not experts. We're just humans having a human experience we think we can learn from, or relate to, or laugh at, or cry over. So hit download, dive in, and hear how folks found themselves on the other side. Mother and sister. Hi. Hi, daughter. Hi, daughter. Since we last recorded, some of us have gone on vacation. Actually, all three of us have. All three of us have. True. True. Danielle, do you have to pick a highlight of your time in Italy? One highlight. Give it.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

One highlight. Oh my god. I think it would be the first night. So many highlights. But I will go with the first night. I know. I will go with the first night. When we had a private driver in like a convertible Fiat, and he took us up what he called the Beverly Hills of Tuscany. And he stopped at like four different spots, like touristy, but like where tourists don't go. Almost like if it was here in St. John's Newfoundland, it'd be like Cape Spear, Signal Hill. Like you just saw the the sights and the sounds, and it was just magical. It almost looked like every now and then I would look at Martina and Deanna and be like, are we here? Like just shaking my head. Like it looked like a postcard. So it was it was just absolutely magical. Plus, we had this like convertible bright yellow like car and like this cute little like 30-year-old Italian, like driving us around and telling us like where everything was. So it just it was magical. It just was a really good start to a fabulous, like two weeks away and kind of like in dreamland.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

I know, and that's what I love about being somewhere else that you've kind of always seen or you've seen on Instagram or other people traveling there, and it's like when you get there and you look, it does feel like you're in a postcard. You're like, is this real? Am I actually here?

SPEAKER_02 2:28

Yeah, and like I guess when you're on your phone, like social media, when you're scrolling, the algorithm picks up like where you are, then you see, well, prior to, I guess, because we were research in Italy, like you get you know, videos and all that kind of stuff. You're like, Oh, you know, I'm gonna be there. Like, I wonder, will I see that? And we literally saw like everything you see on social media when it comes to like Florence or Sorento or the Amalfi Coast to Capri, like, and then you get there, and I was just like, How is this even possible? Right? It's it was yeah, it was absolutely magical.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Sounds magical, sweetheart. Daddy used to always say, When John Cameron came here, why didn't he just turn the boat around and go down south somewhere so we could all be down born down in the Caribbean somewhere or over in Europe?

SPEAKER_01 3:18

No, but home is pretty, it's just the weather is hard.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Weather is horrible.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Lorraine, what's the highlight of your trip to London?

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Oh, our trip to London, sweetheart. Oh my gosh. Um one highlight. One highlight. Uh, the the little Airbnb that you had rented for us was this quaint little house, and it was called uh Casa Rosa, which just means the pink house. And uh it was a quaint little pink house, but apparently it was one of the most popular places for tourists to come and line up out front from 7:30 in the morning till dusk every single day. And the fun part of it was we had the ground floor apartment with a great big bay window and this slatted blinds that we could see out through, and they couldn't see in because we positioned it just perfectly. And my favorite part was watching the kids, and most of them were kids, some of them were, you know, middle-aged and a little bit older, but just getting the social media pictures that that they wanted, the perfect snapshot, that perfect pose. And they'd could be groups of two, three, sometimes six of them. And the didn't matter how many people were lined up to step on the steps behind them. They didn't care, they just stepped on the steps and they took their time. They took anywhere from one to thirty photos of each other. They'd take off their glasses, they'd put on a hat, they'd roll their scarf, they take off their jackets, and then each one in the group would do exactly the same thing, and they'd pose and they'd pose and they'd turn and they'd turn. And I I don't know how they ever chose a picture because they were all so young and beautiful anyway, and vibrant that you know, it was just it was wonderful to watch what you're thinking. Oh my god, so much time has been wasted on these steps, just snapping where they are, and they could have just one little click and gone on, because at the end of the day, it's just a picture of them in front of this little pink-colored stone house that to us uh was so unimpressive. But to them it was the be all to end all. And I think it was the street was famous for that movie. What was the name of it? So you heard the Notting Hill, Notting Hill, and that's the area we missed Notting Hill, and and apparently just down the road was that house with the blue door that supposedly Oh, yeah, where Hugh Grant lived. You were you grant supposedly lived in Notting Hill, so that was the draw for that area, but I don't think you knew it at the time that you booked it. You knew it was the area, but anyway, it was throngs and throngs of people, but the highlight was watching them taking pictures. And I used to say, I'm gonna like photo bomb their pictures and ship my hands, but I never did it.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Did you ever do it? No, you never did it.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Oh, I never did it.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

So we'd be in there in our bras getting ready in front of the big windows that had the red lights to put your makeup on.

unknown 6:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

I'm like, oh my god, we're probably in a lot of background photos just in our bras hanging out.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

And we just open up the little sledge. I'm sure those pictures were just the two eyes looking out, right? Do you think they heard when the fire alarm went off? Oh, good lord. Oh, you have what was your favorite memory of London, sweetheart?

SPEAKER_01 6:36

I mean, when you nearly burnt the Airbnb down, one, but actually, what I really loved is uh Oh Mary seeing that play. That was my favorite. It was such a good show. And Catherine, uh, what's her name? Um, who starred in it, who played Mary? Catherine.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Oh I can't think of her last name, tell me.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

She was from The Office. I gotta Google it. Catherine Tate. We from well, even getting into the theater, the atmosphere was so yeah, it was just fun, it was energetic. The the show was so campy. Within the first 30 seconds, I heard you laugh out loud, and I laughed out loud, and then we just didn't stop. We literally cackled our whole way through it. It was I I would have gone to see the show the next night and the next night. It was so good.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

I love it. It was, it was, it was sad. I just the fact that it was live theater and it was the audience, it was a small theater, it was very um, I guess it was over a hundred years old a theater itself, but it just it was the coziness to it, and people were like wrapped around, even though they weren't, but and the laughter was so spontaneous and it was all thrown.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

It was up in the balcony, it was to our right, to our left behind, and in front it was yeah, it was probably one of the most like like enjoy like one of the most enjoyable shows I've seen because it was such a joyous uh energy through the whole room, like you just said. But second to that, my lovely podcast people, is Lorraine Hogan nearly burnt down the Airbnb, which would have number one like unhoused a number of people, including the woman that owned the Airbnb who lived downstairs from where we were staying. But there were two other floors of people that we nearly unhoused, including I didn't even think of the people on the side because it was like a townhome. But um that's in Casarosa no more, but uh you were ironing or trying to plug in an iron in the kitchen, and I was in the living room, and you just kept like calling out, you were like, I can't get this to work, I can't get this to work. And in in the UK, I find some of those electrical outlets you have to turn them on. It's like has this little flip switch. And I was like, come out here and I'll do it for you. You came out, we figured it out, and we quickly smelled smoke or a smell of burning. And I thought, I was like, Mom, what's that smell? And you said it must be the iron as you were ironing your shirt. And you were like, I'm gonna do it quickly, so I'll get rid of the smell. But the smell kept growing and growing and growing, and finally, I mean, you it was like probably 10 minutes of you and I getting ready. We were about to leave, and it was just such a strong smell. I'm like, let's get out of here. Our clothes are gonna stink. I can't believe that iron smells so bad. The iron was only plugged in for a few minutes. I can't believe neither of us bothered to check anywhere else in the in the flat. But all of a sudden the alarm went off, the fire alarm, and you and I turned our heads and looked down the hall, and there was smoke billowing from the kitchen. Lorraine Hogan had turned on the oven. No, turned on the stovetop, and there was like um like a rubber mat had been placed over the stovetop to make it look better, I guess. It had like a marble effect on it. And you had, while trying to plug in the iron, hit the stovetop button, which turned on a burner. It had been on for 15 minutes, burning through this rubber mat. The rubber mat was burned onto the stovetop, smoke was everywhere. It smelled so bad because it was burning rubber. And we had like, imagine if we left, we would have burnt down Casarosa.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

Oh my yeah, I still to this day do not know how. You did not recognize that.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

We just were like getting ready. Mom said it was the iron. I believed her.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Lorraine Hogan's generally right in our defense. The kitchen was down a hallway, you know, like probably I don't know how many feet away.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Seven. Not very far.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

I mean seven rich. And we were in the living room in this great beaker. That's open.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

When we looked, we saw smoke. We just didn't turn our heads to the left.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

We were just chatting and laughing and getting ready to go out and planning our day. And and then when we turned around and we saw this, oh Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Oh my gosh. The woman who owned it was so gracious. Like we wrote it right away. We were mortified, obviously. We wanted to clean the stove, but mom's like, it's a glass top stove. We're gonna ruin it if we we scratch it with something. And so we were like, This happened, we're so sorry.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

We had thrown the rubber mat into her backyard because it was still smoking, still smoldering, and and to this day, I don't know how the other apparent was never heard the smoke, the fire alarms because they were just shrill, they were just going off in the kitchen in the outside hallway, but nobody came like to say anything. Okay, get the fuck out, take your clothes and be gone.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

Yeah, that's dead. Oh my god, oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

Um by the time this podcast comes out, the three of us will be together and we'll be um in Calgary with Steven for Connor's grade 12 graduation. That's crazy. Um, so I thought if we're chatting, I would love to know what the two of you would say to a grade 12 graduate. Like, what is a piece of advice you would give them?

SPEAKER_00 11:49

To a shall you want to go first, sweetheart, or shall I go first? What advice would I give to my, not necessarily my grandson, but any any young man or woman graduating high school, um to enjoy the next five to seven years, if that's what it's gonna take for you to get your education. Uh sit back, dig in, give it your utmost, give it your best effort. Uh, don't be swayed if your mind changes at the beginning and the middle and towards the end, you're gonna be scared. Um, it's it's gonna be a struggle, um, maybe financially for a lot of kids and uh uh academically for another SWOT of kids. Uh, but but uh don't let it defeat your your dreams and your goals, just go for it and know that 10 years down the road you can look back and you can say, hopefully, god damn it, that was all worth it. And also uh enjoy yourself while you're doing it, um, because the years will go by so quickly. And uh adults always say, you know, not just adults, but uh they say youth is wasted on the young, and it's so true. But know that when you look back on this time, you truly will say, God damn it, these were the best days and months and years of my life, and I and I I had a good time. I hope you can look back on and say I had a good time and I did what I set out to do, and I'm proud of who I am today.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Danielle?

SPEAKER_02 13:39

Such a hard question. Only because I mean I think I want to do it in like certain groups, but the first thing I'll say is get off your phones, like put your head up, eye straightforward, start making eye contact with people. Like live life intentionally away from social media, away from you know, uh yeah, just away from devices, whether it's gaming or computers, laptops, because I think the cohort coming out these days, these are COVID kids. These are kids who have laptops and iPads in the classroom. And I think I'm gonna say they lack a lot of interpersonal skills because of COVID, because of just society. Um, I think they need to lift their heads up, work on your posture, and just eyes forward and dream big. Um, I think there's a lot of categories of kids coming out of high school now. Um, you got the affluent kids who are going to go right into university or college, and they're gonna just put their heads down and do the work, like mom just said, and just go for go for gold. There's also a bunch of kids coming out nowadays that are completely and utterly lost, have had a real shitty time in high school because of whether it's bullying, because of you know, misdiagnoses, overdiagnosis, over medication, under medication. So I think there's that cohort that I just love for them to dream big, like believe in yourself, find somebody who can support you, whether it's formal support or informal support, whether it's, I don't know, um somebody on your street or someone you come in contact with, or it could be, you know, like a long-lost cousin or a long-lost friend. Like just latch on to someone who believes in you and keep keep on dreaming. There's also kids these days uh that aren't graduating, um, that haven't gone through high school, so that have come out of school. Again, COVID really, I think we're never gonna know the secondary losses of COVID for these kids. So there are kids that are not graduating with their cohort who are left behind or maybe have left due to a variety of reasons. And for those kids, like with the kids I work with nowadays, I say school's always gonna be there. You mightn't be able to finish your grade 12 this year or next year or the following year, but school is always there. Never give up hope that you're gonna get your education, whether it's your G D, your ABE, your high school, whether you want to go to trades, your university, like school will always be there. It will never be too late to kind of go for that as like a an aspiration. So I have like little groups of people that I would love to talk to. Um, I get a lot of folks coming to me that are in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s who had had some great experiences, some really shitty experiences, um, and some with no experiences at all. So to each and every one of them, like just keep dreaming, but head up and eyes forward.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

I would say for me going advice, number one, you have time. Because it just feels like you're you have to rush full speed ahead to do the thing. Um, but you have time to do the thing and then change your mind and do something else, or fail at it and try something else, uh, or take your time and um take a, I don't know if they still call it a gap year or whatever, but like take time and come back to it. Um it's hard, especially if all your friends are going into a program and you want to stay in kind of the same lane, even though like, you know, one could be in a different university than you, but you want to be kind of at the same level. But um, but after high school, everyone, it's it's okay. Everyone disperses. You're not always in the same doing the same things at the same time. You're gonna meet someone at different times. If you choose to have children, you're gonna do that at different times. You're gonna have a job, someone's gonna love it, someone's gonna hate it, someone's gonna um get promoted before you, someone's gonna get promoted after you. Like this idea that you're in this race with other people, it's a facade, it's it's fault, it's uh, it's made up. You have so much time. Oh, what a like what a beautiful gift. Like going back to youth is wasted on the young. Because when you're like head down, full speed ahead, I gotta get to adulthood, and then all of a sudden you look up and you have a mortgage and responsibilities, and you're like, oh my god, like if I could go back. Um, and I remember very clearly, not so much post-high school, but post-university, feeling this intense need to have it figured out immediately. Like, I struggled with that so much. Um, and if I could go back and talk to myself graduating university to say, like, there is time for that, you'll figure it out. Just start somewhere and you will figure it out. The path will unfold, you know? And even if it's not the right one, and that's my other advice would be just try something, anything, because the only way you'll figure out what you really want to do is by starting with something and then figuring out, do you like that? Don't you? Is the pieces of that you like that you can take to another role? You know, you don't have to, you don't have to figure out like I want to be this person. Um, I don't know, I'm just making up an occupation, but like I want to be an accountant. So I'm gonna go, I'm gonna do this degree and I'm gonna get hired this place, and you know, you just never know where you're gonna end up. Can I also say create something? Create something. The world needs art, like create, even if you think there's no part of you that's artistic. I don't know, create a recipe, like cook something one night, use your hands, try to draw something, try to paint something, try to write something, try to podcast. I don't know, create the world needs that good creative energy and fuel.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Absolutely. It's not all about academics, honey. It's about appreciating the special things that are are in our universe, you know. And if if we don't have to create, there'll be nothing for people to view and to participate in.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

For sure. And I think we we or not we, but people stop or hold off on creating until they feel that they're ready. You know, like if you wait to write until you're a good writer, you will never write a sentence. If you wait to make something until you're really good at knitting or whatever in the world you're creating pottery, you will never make it. The only way you're gonna get really good at something is to fucking fail at it over and over and over again. And then one day you're like, I'm proud of this one, you know?

SPEAKER_00 20:42

Just do it. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, if you don't take that first step on the path wherever you think the path might lead, uh, you're not gonna get to the middle or to three-quarters of the way or to the end. You just gotta start with that, you know, that saying, start with one step. Just do it.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Do you have any like um worries for this generation kind of coming out of high school?

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Do I have any specific worries? Uh I I don't think so, honey. I I think each generation um it is like a predetermined set of challenges that they're gonna have, and and and uh they acclimate to it, you know. It's as like Danielle mentioned very eloquently about the social media, um, how that has impacted their lives and will continue to act impact their lives. But I think that over time the that generation will adjust to that and it'll become the norm. And God knows what the next generation will have to face. But I think each of us, you know, struggles with with different things, be it, you know, economical or or and and it's mostly economical too for students that are going through. But we seem We seem to always be able to to get through it. We seem to be always able to get to the next step. Uh uh, we don't know how, but it's it's with a lot of help, as Danielle alluded to as well. Find somebody that supports you, whether it's emotionally, financially, or whatever. But that that's what that's what helps us get through each generation. Support, lots of supports, you know.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

I don't know. I just think of how expensive it is to live. Like how my god, how are how are these kids, not kids, now they're adults graduating high school, like how are they going to afford homes and cars and pay the bills? But you think every generation it's it's all um, what's the word I'm looking for? It's all all relevant. Relevant.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

Yeah, yeah. Like I think like mom said, every generation has their yeah, their challenges and barriers, but there's also I guess growth in society and communities too. I mean, I do have a fear, and maybe it's because of the job I work in. I do have a fear of um this generation and God love them, um, from that those the soft skills, like the the communication skills, the problem solving, the brainstorming. Um, we have such we have such immediacy in our lives now. Like everything we get, like if we want to quit, if we have a question, like back in the day, we'd have to go. Remember the bookshelf we had with all the encyclopedias, and you'd be trying to find like the the letter to like pick out the encyclopedia and like look it up. But now we all have phones, so there's never a question unanswered, there's never a fact that can be unfounded and it's immediate. Like if you there's texting, there is you know, messaging. I don't even know the there's so many different platforms now that that kids use that I'm not even familiar with. Um, but yeah, it's like I would love for the gener this generation to be able to be okay with being bored and to be able just to sit back and re be in their own minds. Um but then again on the other side, like they're so technically advanced more so than us. Like coding and like just you talk about creativity, like the digital world is just fascinates me. So there's pros and cons to everything, and I I wouldn't even be able to tell you like what our what our roles were back then. Like, I don't know what our challenges were. Um, because I can only remember like our generation. I don't I don't even know. So, mom, you've been through our generation and now like Connor and Ethan. So do you notice differences like say in when we were graduating school, going into university or college versus like Ethan and Connor now, like in terms of um generational challenges?

SPEAKER_00 25:09

I don't I not that I can think of sweetheart offhand. I I well we all know about the the drug uh uh situation that's on the go and just the accessibility of such um hardcore um narcotics that are available. And and the thing that scares me the most about that, because there were drugs on the go when you guys were in school, but you couldn't necessarily go down on your corner down by Grant's and and pick something up. But now you hardly got it, you you don't even have to go through your door, you can order them online, which is scary. Um, and the thought that uh just one mistake, one that let me try it, or somebody coaxing you to try it, you could be addicted for life because some of them are have such a detrimental effect on on their brains. That part really scares the bejesus out of me.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

Uh yeah, or it could have fentanyl in it, you know, like laced with something that like you could try it one time and and die. Like that's that's terrifying.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

That's that terrifies me for my grandkids as especially and and all the young people that are navigating because it like it's so accessible and it seems to be so normalized in movies and on the TVs and and on social media. It's it's just you're bombarded with it. We can kind of my generation can kind of turn it off because we're way past that. You guys are kind of in the middle, but that younger generation, this is what they're seeing every single day of the week, you know, every waking moment. And uh I don't think I don't know, I shouldn't say I they don't, but it's like they're not affected by it. It says like they're desensitized to the violence, to the addiction, to the harsh realities of of what the drugs can do to them because their brains they're they're they just can't imagine it happening to them. It's like, you know, we we always say their books for the grace of God go I. And it's it's true, but with them, they don't even have that that cautionary tale because they're they're too young. So that that really scares me. That really scares me.

SPEAKER_01 27:21

Also, what makes me really nervous is the loneliness epidemic, uh, to Neil's point, with like the lack of social skills, whether that's again to Danielle's point, based on COVID or a lot of it is with social media and the fact that you were really cushioned. Your parents really did step in and do a lot for kids. Like, like when we moved on to our childhood, this our childhood home on our street, that first day I remember going out. I was six. I remember being like, I'm gonna go find some friends, and I went and knocked on every door. And when someone answered, I was like, anybody my age here? And that's how I met my like childhood best friends. Although, folks, I did say to mom as an adult, like, how did you let me do that? I was six, but mom's like, we watched you, but you're probably on the patio having a little cigarette watcher. I mean, like, look at her go finding her buddies, but and that's how I found them. And then, you know, like uh we had to pick up the phone and call like the house phone to the family's line, and someone would pick up in the family and you'd ask for your friend. Like it just we were constantly on the phone chatting, we were constantly gathering together as groups, we were walking the streets hanging out, and I'm sure there's a lot of children, kids, young adults doing that now, but there's a lot of really lonely kids that that are connecting through a screen and and sometimes only a screen, and sometimes not even directly with another human that they're like back and forth, like we can see each other now. It's like through a gaming system, and I do think there's a way to connect that way. I keep in touch with people on social media, I feel like I've seen them, but like I know that it's not the same because I grew up mostly in like in-person contact with people and developing those social skills. So the idea that they could come out and there's this big, big, big mass of these beautiful young adults in their homes, like not out on the streets, not out connecting with each other, that makes me sad for them. Because having that community support, having that connection, it's such a beautiful part of growing up, you know, and like those people who've known me since I was like a teenager and getting to still be friends with them in my late 40s, I'm like the versions of me that they got to see and they got to like live and experience personally, like, yeah, that makes me worried for for the graduating classes.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

I think for sure. It is very, you know, isolating. And because it's hard to meet people, you know, as we get older, yeah, that just only adds to the like the loneliness, the isolation. And sometimes people do turn to games, and you can have virtual friends all over the world, which is fascinating because you can learn different languages, different cultures, but you still don't get that face-to-face like interaction that you do with knocking on someone's door or picking someone up or meeting, you know, back in the day we used to meet at the mall on Saturdays. Like, I'll get the busted and go around get the Metro bus into the mall.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

Oh I used to miss the last pickup and have to call for a ride. Dad would be so mad, right?

SPEAKER_02 30:33

Like, yeah, it's the innocence of play that we lose as adults, and we have to figure out a way to get that back. Um but yeah, I mean, I remember when I graduated high school, I just think I was saying this to somebody you work with the other day, just sharing that we're gonna see Connor's um graduation whenever. And I was like, man, when I graduated high school, I thought I was the coolest shit of all time. And I was like, mom and dad, you're so stopa, and I'm so old. And I look at Connor, I'm like, oh my God. He in my eyes, Connor, you listen to this, like, I love you dearly, but you're a little baby. Oh my god, he's going into this world. Like, who's gonna go with him to university of the first day? Who's gonna show him around? And I was like, right, no one took you to university that first day. Like, yeah, you know, it's just it fascinates me looking at the 18-year-olds now, thinking I was once that young, like let out into the world of like just so many opportunities, and I'm so privileged to have had those opportunities. Um, I mean, did I go to university and finish up in four years? Hey, no. Um epic. I remember the first semester, I knew nobody, even though like half of my class went to university, like it was such a shell shock of like, where are my people? Because you're just in a classroom of like hundreds of nobodies, like everybody was a nobody. You were just professors didn't care who you were if you came to class. Like you went from being coddled in high school to being a nobody, so that was a huge shock to me. And like coming from high school and being a good, I mean, I think I was a good student, like I got good grades and cocky as hell going to university, and then figuring out like, oh shit, like I gotta, I gotta do stuff. And it's not for everybody, it definitely is not for everybody. Yeah, but for sure, for sure. It took me what, like seven, I think it took me eight years to get my undergrad because then I worked full-time and went to school. Oh, you're part-time. I learned my lesson. My lesson. Mistakes were made, lessons were learned. Lessons learned.

SPEAKER_01 32:50

That's the other thing, right? Feel like make mistakes, and also like I hope your parents let you make mistakes because mom and I had this chat in London. I said, How did you let me quit university in second year and move to Ireland? Like, I landed in Dublin with a friend I had just met that summer who I hardly knew, and I didn't have anywhere to sleep. Like, we landed in the airport, and I was like, Where do we stay tonight? I just didn't think of it. And mom's like, I'm like, How did you I did you why didn't you make sure I had a hotel or something to stay at? Mom's like, we just you wouldn't tell us anything. You were just like, it's fine, I gotta figure it out. And you had to let me. You you just I mean, I was an adult, it's not like you could have controlled it, but I also lived under your roof, so you probably could have been like, Well, you're not coming back here. You could have definitely, but anyway, I hope you have a parent that lets you make those mistakes. Like, make sure you're safe. Like I had to call and check in, and you wanted to have my address of where I was staying that night when I found somewhere to stay.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

Lexington Street. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:50

That's where I found to live later, but that's where you were but yeah, like I hope you I hope you make some mistakes and uh you know, stay safe, but but make mistakes. That's what it's for, you know, like that's what you're used to, yeah. Of starting this life and and almost like having it figured out right away. It's it's uh it's a waste of your time because it's not gonna happen like that. That's how you'd have to think about it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:19

Some people it does. Like if we think of Steven, like he knew our brother, like he was three of us that was like, I'm gonna be an engineer. And then he went and he did school, he's an engineer.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

And mean the dean, like we have like his personal life was different, like he oh personally, like he didn't have it. I'm just saying, like your whole life, you don't have it all figured out, like oh my god, 100%. You try things and you get in relationships and you try jobs, but yeah, professionally.

SPEAKER_02 34:47

But from a school perspective, but from a school perspective, three of us did it differently. Yeah, but we all ended up finding something that we love at the end of the day. That's my point, is that yeah, everyone gets there, everyone gets there by meandering, right? Like he he identified engineering and he went, he he did it, like he and he enjoyed it, thank God. Because he could have got in there and hated it. Like, you know what I mean? So and then myself and you had our own experiences, um, and it just took us to three of us to the path where we're all passionate about what we do.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. So that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

And and the other part of it is it's never too late to do something, like even you could change your mind in your 40s, you could change your mind in your late 30s. Like, just because you sign up and you start to work some somewhere, it doesn't mean that that's where you have to retire at the end of the day, however, retirement looks, but yeah, that's why I say lifelong learning.

SPEAKER_02 35:45

I do also it's lifelong learning. Like you can schools and courses and webinars and workshops and books will always be there. You're never, ever, ever too old to learn and to learn something new. Yeah, never stop learning because that that too should be your life goal. It's like never think you're just gonna do one thing and be done. Um, you always have to continuously like learn more and learn different.

SPEAKER_00 36:15

Yeah, and and learn just for the pleasure of learning sometimes, you know. Yeah, not not for uh you know letters after your name, just to enjoy what's out there to absorb, you know, it just makes you a a better, a better person at the end of the day, right? More interesting, it makes keeps you curious, keeps you motivated, you know.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

Yeah, and also like aim to not be the smartest person in the room because if you're the smartest person in the room, you're likely not, you're just an idiot and you don't see anything, but like surround yourself with people who are smarter than you because you will soak in so much, you know? Like, don't try to be the smartest person in the room. Try to find rooms with people that are smarter than you, uh in a different industry than you, like find generational friends, you know. Like there's so much to mom's point. There's so much to learn, you know?

SPEAKER_00 37:10

And also surround yourself with some some dumber people so you could really feel really smart sometimes when you're feeling defeated.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

Is that your MO, Lorraine? Is that how your girlfriends? Uh by the way, Lorraine thinks she's the smartest one in the world.

SPEAKER_03 37:32

I think we can just sometimes you gotta bear yourself up, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:37

Maybe just meet all kinds of different people in different paths and from all kinds of walks of life, but like get your head out of your phones and like listen to people, but also be curious about people, don't just listen, be curious, ask questions. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:55

When I was uh up in Calgary last week, and I was uh Connor and I uh went out for a couple of hours uh uh by ourselves, which was really nice. He drove me around and took me over to the university, and we walked around in there just so I could imagine the space that he's gonna be in in the fall. So on the way over, I was asking him, I said, Do you have and I knew very well what the answer was that I said, Do you have school dances? Did you have you know in in school? He said, and he looked at me. No, he said, but and and dances were such a a socialization for us. I love the school dance, kind of recenter dance and the what the recenter dances, yeah. But I can't remember those, but anyway, he said, no, they don't have dances. And I'm thinking, wow, you don't know. I said, you don't know what you've missed out on because it's such a such an initiation into life, you know, how how you approach people and how you deal with with rejection and how you feel when somebody says yes when you ask them to dance type thing. It just like it's it's amazing, but it's just not part of of what they do. It's no way. Bring back a school dance, it's so lovely. I know, I know. I'm sure we even had them went here.

SPEAKER_02 39:12

Do it for schools, yeah, because some of the girls I see post in like they're going to their first dances and stuff. Yeah, so it must depend on the district, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 39:21

Yeah, I had no way of knowing, sweetheart, but anyway, their their school doesn't have any. And I thought, you're me, you missed out on a lot, kid. You missed out on a lot.

SPEAKER_01 39:31

Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_00 39:32

I don't know if the universities have them anymore. They probably don't call them dances, but they used at the university used to have mixers, you know, with a dance in it.

SPEAKER_01 39:40

Oh yeah, a mixer. Yes, I'm sure they submixers, like they'd have an engineering mixer, they'd have a business school mixer, they yeah, they I I'm sure, God I hope mixers are still a thing.

SPEAKER_00 39:50

I would imagine. But in my day, it wasn't called a mixture. The university had dances and it was just a very like there was no alcohol involved unless you had it out in the hit out in the parking lot somewhere, but you went into the university and the gymnasiums, and it was like we used to call them sock cups. Music could be played. Yeah, when you you'd and you'd dance in your socks because you were on the gym floor. Wait, is that why it's called a sock cup? Yes, a sock cup. That's what they called them. Well, how did I put the shoes on? Because it was a gymnasium, so you couldn't have your shoes on in the gymnasium floor because you'd mark up the floor. Anyway, my myself and my girlfriend Chrissy used to go, and towards the end of the night, we'd also, we'd also, we'd also we'd say to ourselves, now you dance with this guy and you dance with that guy, whatever, and see if you could hear keys rattling in the pocket, and that way we knew we had to run home at the end of the night. You wouldn't pick her for how good they looked to each of the see if they had carac in their pockets.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

She's all in ours, folks. She's all ours. She's all like a strange man would drive you home.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

Yeah, but men, they were guys her age. They were 16, 17 years of age, youngsters, right? And it was a it was a softer, more gentle, more uh less scary times, I guess. Not that bad things didn't happen back in the 60s because they don't, you know, they they did, they did. But we felt we felt quite safe and we were quite innocent at the time and you know, at 15 and 16 years of age. But anyway, that's what we did for fun.

SPEAKER_02 41:29

Well, the mixtures, I mean, the mixtures that we went to were all alcohol, there was no dancing, it's just like alcohol.

SPEAKER_01 41:36

Oh, well, the mixers I went to is like women drink for free.

SPEAKER_00 41:41

Was it? Oh, yeah, there you go. Yeah, you wonder why, yeah. Yeah, and ladies ladies and two for one, right? And dance. Yeah, yeah. You know what's reasoning for. Yeah, exactly, honey.

SPEAKER_02 41:57

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:58

Yeah. Anyway, we weren't at that because we were only 15, 16 years of age, weren't allowed to drink.

SPEAKER_02 42:04

Yeah, we weren't drinking at different school dances. No, I mean no, the mixers would have been uh high school university, university, yeah. Oh no, like the high school and resetter dances were innocent, like boys on one side, girls on the other, and then you would just like moving yeah, back and forth, back and forth.

SPEAKER_01 42:25

Yeah, oh my god. And they'd have the canteen open with like pop and chips like adorable. It was so innocent. God, I love it. So innocent, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:37

Anyway, so I thought what what a shame that uh, like I said, you you missed out, buddy. You missed out big time, right?

SPEAKER_01 42:44

I know. I can't wait to see how he's feeling about graduating and going off to university. And um, yeah, I don't know. Are you gonna impart any advice to my boy, to my little boy?

SPEAKER_00 42:56

Yeah, Glen Connor specific. I don't I don't know, sweetheart. I'll have to wait till I get up there and and and see. Um I think he's uh he's a well-rounded young man. Um socialization socialization, I'm sure, will come to him just like it's gonna come to all of that generation. But yes, and uh probably lacking in in that again because they've been deprived of school dances and they're on the machines. Uh they have a close-knit group of friends that you know it's a tight group of friends and it's not not hasn't spread out, but hopefully with university.

SPEAKER_01 43:34

Now, hopefully, it's a certain wider knit because of soccer or football, or whatever you call it. But I feel like he plays on teams that are outside the school district. So I do think he's got because like you've got to meet people somehow, right? Because he does have a close group in that school and it's a smaller school, but I do feel like through soccer, but I I couldn't tell you.

SPEAKER_00 43:55

And and plus he also has his license now, so he's able to go to these braces back and forth. On his own. So he's making himself he's made to be independent because he has to get to and fro and he has to socialize when he's there, obviously. And he also referees the game. So that's another uh outlet for him as well, right? So all of these little these are building blocks for him, right? Building blocks.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

My one suggestion, like Connor specific, would be go to classes because I think the temptation is to skip classes. Um and I I mean it was the temptation for everybody in university, but and I said this to my nephew here when he was going off to university a few years ago. He's graduating university now, but anyway, I was like, he was like, it doesn't matter, like the the prof won't miss you. And I'm like, you are gonna miss out if you don't go to class. I know it's a room full, like to Danielle's point, of 200 strangers, but you're gonna sit next to someone, or they're gonna be a few rows ahead. And maybe it's not on the first day, but it could be like in the first month at some point, you're gonna sit next to someone that you might know for the rest of your life. You know, they might become your best friend or yeah, your partner, or I don't know, and like go up and introduce yourself to the prof. I know that sounds insane. It's like, why I like people don't want to be like um like a kiss ass, but it's not even that. It's like if you're really interested in the course, make yourself known that you're there, your presence is welcomed for sure. And I mean, friends of mine are professors, they love a student who's like there and curious and wants to learn, and you do stand out, even in a room of 200 people. But if you don't go to class, you're gonna miss out on this beautiful experience in university to have this expansion of your obviously your brain, you're gonna learn more, but expansion socially. Oh, just like soak that in. Yeah, true maps. You'll have to go. Danielle, anything for our precious boy?

SPEAKER_02 45:53

Our precious boy. Yeah, totally go to classes and go to the profs like um open door hours, like make sure they know your name. But also, you know what, skip a class every now and then and do something fun. Like go hang out with your friends, you know, like I used to do in the tunnels. Go, go have a beer at like the local pub or just be yeah, be curious about the other aspects of the university life experience. Um, because yeah, those you learn really valuable skills by doing those little like bad quote unquote stuff. Um, but just yeah, enjoy to the fullest because you never know what tomorrow brings.

SPEAKER_00 46:38

And and also learning who who might be who might be the person that might have your back when you end up on the road. You know? Yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 46:47

Yeah, yeah. Are you all packed for our trip?

SPEAKER_00 46:52

I still have laundry on. I have I'm uh I'm half packed, but not because I know I'll I'll be changing. I just looked at the weather forecast. Nadine told me yesterday not to look, but I had to look so it's raining. But it might not look right, don't look. But I had to look. So I'm rethinking. Yeah, it's gonna be one. It's gonna be great. It is what it is, what it is, and uh we don't have to go outside if we don't have to. We don't want to, we'll be together.

SPEAKER_01 47:35

Yes, we'll be together. All right, off you go. I'm gonna go get some dinner. Did you both eat already?

SPEAKER_02 47:40

Off you go.

SPEAKER_00 47:41

I did. Did you go sweep? Did you eat 10?

SPEAKER_01 47:44

Yeah, I did.

SPEAKER_00 47:45

Off you go, ladies. Thank you for you. Thanks for podcasting. Thank you. I wish I had 10 more of the three of you.

SPEAKER_01 47:54

Oh, cute, mom. Alright, love you three. Oh my god, three, three. Love you both. Love you both. Well, I love you. We'll see you soon in person. I know. So I didn't love you.

SPEAKER_00 48:10

I mean, I'm not sure.