When Sons Go Astray - Interview with Aaron Boldman

The hearts of the fathers must turn to their children — but what happens when a son begins to walk away from the faith? Kevin is joined by Aaron Boldman of Future Men, to discuss 24 years of discipling young men back to biblical manhood through vocational training, structured discipleship, and the timeless wisdom of Deuteronomy 6.

Bold Parenting Podcast Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0FnNYhXce0R886CDIizkIj?si=88729f48178b47ff

Bold Parenting Podcast Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@BoldParentingPod

Future Families Community Group: skool.com/future-families-9676

Future Men Boarding School: helpmyboy.com

Download the episode MP3 here:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2520780/episodes/18852452-when-sons-go-astray-interview-with-aaron-boldman.mp3

New kids and family podcast from Generations - TeachMeTheFaith.com 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Welcome my friends to the Generations Broadcast. Kevin Swanson with you, and now a subject near and dear to my heart today, because well, I believe that future men is the most important thing that we are doing in our ministries today. Uh, and of course, future women as well. But fundamentally, if we don't see a reviving of manhood, a biblical manhood, if we cannot somehow see the hearts of the fathers turning to the children, children to the fathers in the next generation, if we're not preparing our young men for this, my friends, it's all over. It's over for the family, it's over for the church, it's over for the states, over for freedom, it's over for anything that could be substantial, uh something that could be a reforming influence on the next generation. So, friends, this is this is the thing that matters more than anything else. It's how we are raising the next generation of young men to be the future men of this country, the future fathers, husbands, elders, pastors, deacons, future leaders of our state, et cetera. Uh, this is a critical subject, absolutely critical subject. I've dedicated my life to this. Over the last uh, what is it, 22 years? I have been uh discipling young men. And uh tag you're it. I I really got this call about 22 years ago, brought Chad Roach into my house for three days a week and continued that uh all the way up to today. This morning I was working with seven young men on uh on a Zoom call and uh still pretty much committed to this uh to this topic and to this uh lifestyle. And uh that's why uh what Aaron Boldman's doing out in Missouri is so critical for for what we're we're trying to put together as a ministry here as well. And uh Aaron Boldman joins me on this edition of the program, and he is from helpmyboy.com. Helpmyboy.com, future men program, yes, available in Missouri. Welcome back to the program. It's good to have you with us, Aaron.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

I'd give you back, appreciate it very much. Yeah, I was here about a little over a year ago, I think.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Yeah, we met each other at a cur, I think we were down in um in Missouri at a conference um that we were a Branson conference a couple of years ago, and uh I was impressed with what you've been doing down there, and you you you you're not just you know uh addressing your own sons or local guys, you bring boys in from all over the country, all over the world, and uh and these are boys that need some special help. And you have dedicated yourself, you have committed this ministry to this effort of uh helping young boys who have gotten themselves into some level of trouble. Is that is that right? Is that the right way to say it?

SPEAKER_02 2:36

I think so, yes, sir. Uh we we fly ourselves as being uh leaning a little more heavy into the preventative mode. So the kids that come here, the parents see a need, they see the there's a little bit of maybe veering from the path, and the parents are wanting to take initiative and wanting to intervene in their son's life before there's a drug addiction or before there's apathy or a pregnancy or something related to the sin that they're just maybe chasing at that moment. So future men is a is a hey, here's a tag, you're it, we're gonna help this family for a little while. Same message, same gospel, uh, but a little different voice. Uh, because the kids just aren't, for whatever reason, choosing to listen to mom and dad. The foundation's laid, the all the work's been done in the sense of like they know all the names, they know all the Bible verses, but they just they haven't applied it to their life, and they're starting to walk away from their faith. So Future Men is sort of a wake up call for them. It's it's you know, it's it's a great option.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

And you've been running this for 24 years. You've uh worked with 530 boys. Just what's the effect of this? I mean, uh obviously there's been good things going on. What what happens? What happens to these young men? I mean, you've got enough time now to see how this develops in the lives of young men. So what's going on? What's happening what's happened?

SPEAKER_02 3:43

Yeah, so what's awesome is you start to see the uh, like you said, the fruit of this. So, you know, families that young boys that were here 15, 20 years ago, they're married, they had their own kids. I mean, I got a call the other day from a girl that this is different, but I mean, she now has children, she's she's seeking out help. It's like that's that's how long we've been doing this, which is pretty awesome because you're starting to see the long-term effects of they might not have got everything you wanted the moment they were here, but my goodness, they they're they're they're getting it more than you think. And the Holy Spirit begins to bring those things back to the remembrance or an immediate change that happens at times, and the boys come back and they want to be staff, uh, they want to do an internship, they want to be part of what we're doing. And it's just a um, we're offering the spiritual help, we're also vocational help, and obviously, you know, the academic help as well. We have an on-site school, but it there's just we're trying to approach the whole kid. So it's not just a, hey, come here and get a spiritual awakening, which is great, but it's also put your hands to work, learn to do something, you know. So families that have maybe a 17, 18-year-old kid lacking direction, not sure what's next for him, right? Maybe he's been homeschooled, but just doesn't seem to know what's out there for him. Maybe they have limited access where they're at. We work with 42 different businesses in our area. And they will take and they were apprenticed the young men. Uh, it counts as a high school credit here in the state of Missouri, but they're working with plumbers, electricians, auto shops, veterinarians, fire departments, restaurants. I mean, it's like about every vocational trade you can think of. We're working with them. And it's just been an awesome experience for these guys because they choose what they learn, you know, and it's like in two days a week, they're seven hours each day. They're they're learning that trade skill. Um, and obviously the academic park sort of speaks for itself. It looks like it's called a tutorial finishing school the boys are involved in, which kind of looks like a uh highly structured, big accountability, about seven men who run the school, homeschool. So it's basically what it boils down to. Because the kids come in at every different level, all different times of the year, because we're year-round, seven days a week. Um, you know, and every day is a little bit of school, a little bit of work, a little bit of you know, counseling. Uh the boys get about 14 hours a week of group counseling. Uh we call it a worldview class, and much like you, Kevin, all the curriculum you produce, all the stuff you bring around, all these homeschool conferences. I mean, that's what we're 14 hours a week, they're getting that those intense views of job, you know, how to apply for a job, uh, pornography, uh, screen time addictions, uh, you know, substance abuse, learning up, learning, even if they're not involved in it, learning about it because they're gonna have friends, they're gonna have their own children someday, they're gonna have peers, you know, often they go to college, things like that, that could be struggling with this. So they all get the well-rounded view of I mean, the whole counseling cycle that we do here. And it's all from a biblical worldview.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

I want you to talk to parents right now. I know you've got a parent uh podcast going on Spotify on YouTube. Yes, sir. And uh well, how do how do parents react to that 14, 15-year-old young man who's pushing back, or maybe they've identified uh pornography issues, doing the wrong thing on the screen. What do you do? How what do those parents do? How what do you counsel them to do with that young man?

SPEAKER_02 6:35

Oh, yeah. So the big thing is, as you'll hear on every one of our podcasts, we really push for discipleship. And by that, obviously there's life on life. You're a parent, you're with the kid every day, like Deuteronomy 6 talks about. You're already doing a lot of that. But we really push one extra mile, and that is most of the families that are listening to you, most of the families that will come to our podcast, which is bold parenting, is one of the podcasts. That's the parenting one on Spotify or YouTube. But most of parents that come there, they're sort of already in the game. They want this, they want their families to thrive, and they're doing family worship, they're doing like the Christian curriculum, you know, mostly. Um, but then right, it's like no intentionality with like a one-on-one weekly setup time. And it sounds sort of like contrived or like canned, but it's but it's weird, man. When you like, when you put it to a time slot and you're faithful to that time slot, things start getting done. If it's sort of like willy-nilly, we'll do it when we get to it each week, it's weird, but it doesn't happen. And I was not a firm believer in this when I first started doing it 27 years ago because I was working for a different program that was sort of doing it, and I just felt like ah, you're forcing this, this isn't gonna be organic, won't be real. But what I found was but it happens, you know. And if you have good material, if you have a good, you know, if the passion for the Lord is there and you're pushing, you know, legit legitimate, manly type stuff with these boys, oh my goodness, you see growth. And that's that's what I would really push these parents. And it's like if the if you've got their ear and you've got good information and they're not in danger in any way, it's it that's you, man. That's like you're doing your job, keep doing it, even if they're bucking, even if they're pushing back a little bit, you know, we all struggle with sin. But if you've got their ear, keep it. But when when all of a sudden, like when there's they're not listening, or something about their choices are putting them in danger, right? In danger of maybe like they're dropping out of school, they're running with a crowd that you know is gonna lead to things you don't want, the wrong marriage, uh, possibly drugs, possibly just you know, apathy, just you know, laziness, not no, where you where you feel like we're gonna end up kicking this kid out of the house, right? Then enlist help sooner than later. And that's where future men comes in because again, we're the same message, the same passion for the Lord, uh, but with some different options and with different faces saying the same things, uh it's it's a wake-up call. And that's great. And the boys, it's weird, but they really do respond well.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

So your recommendation to a dad is to spend a concerted time with this son, as 14, 15, 18-year-old son, on a weekly basis. Um, schedule it out, spend the time with him. That kind of maintenance will prevent the idea of some crisis coming down the pike. I mean, it's it's it's a good way to open up the channels of communication. And uh, and more than often you believe that that young boy will receive that.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

Yes. So you've got like there's different ways you can parent, right? You can reactive parent or you can proactive parent.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Right.

SPEAKER_02 9:21

Most people reactive parent, especially if they've done like uh some kind of an early childhood training, you know, parenting course, and the kids are pretty obedient and they're young and they feel like, hey, we got this. You know, you see them at church and they're all pretty good little kids, but as they get older, they start to lose the kids because they haven't transitioned out of like let's say child training to discipleship. And that's that's sort of the missing ingredient. Um, if you miss both, then it's even harder. But a lot of these families do have the kid, you know, in terms of general obedience until friends start to have a bigger influence or the world just pulls with the flesh of things like, you know, like again, screen time, uh, the friendships, uh, activities in the world. Could be could be things as neutral, so to speak, as sports or their hobbies, but but it could be as destructive as, again, you know, drugs or crime. So, so this is a um, yeah, you're you're you're saying, hey, I'm gonna be proactive each week talking to my son. I want to I want to try to prevent these things. So you see relationship starting before they fall in love with the wrong person, so to speak. You're talking about it. You're you're bringing out the what are our responsibilities as man? What should we be looking for in a you know you know in a future spouse? Um, and then you're you're Lord willing, you have your kid's ear because you've been doing this every week for you know months or years, as opposed to the only time you talk to your kid is when he's done something wrong. Yeah, and they know it. If you say, hey, we need to go to my office or hey, come to my bedroom for a minute, and the first thing they do is like, oh, they drag their shoulders, they roll their eyes, you're like, they know I'm in trouble. You know, and it's like I don't want those conversations. Well, we have those conversations, I don't enjoy those conversations, nobody does. But when I tell my son Angus, hey, you know, it's time for discipleship, he runs and grabs his book that we're going through. He goes either in my study or down to the crawl space, wherever we're meeting, and it's like he knows he's not in trouble. And he shared some very hard things with me, all my boys have, but it's like things that wouldn't just come up because it's a temptation or it's something that's gone through his mind, and he hasn't necessarily had a chance to act on it yet. And because we have open communication, he knows I can share something with dad that yes, it's heavy, yes, it's like maybe a little weird, right? Because he's a boy, he's a kid, and we we homeschool him, but their hormones develop just like anybody else's, right? They're their rebellious nature, wants to lead, doesn't want to maybe listen to mom, just like everybody else's. But when we're talking about it, and I tell him like what my expectations are, what God has asked of him, and then you know, even pragmatically, if if even if your heart isn't with me yet, bud, your obedience will be, or this is how you know, this is the road you're gonna be on as far as consequences go. You can obey and let's pray your heart comes later, or maybe I have your heart right now and you'll do whatever I ask. That's different seasons of life, right? For every kid. Sometimes they're just awesome and sometimes they're hard.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

Aaron, what do you say to a father whose uh son is just dragging around the house, lacking motivation? He wants to light a fire under him. Uh, what has been the most successful approach that dads have taken to that?

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Just like with toddlers, man, it's structure. You set the structure out and you have the expectations there. Uh, find him like uh you're assuming this is a homeschool kid?

SPEAKER_01 12:21

Yeah. Is that right? Yeah, for the most part, yeah. Let's keep let's stay with homeschool.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

Okay, so you got a homeschool family, and he's he's like you said, he's 15. Maybe they live uh in a suburb where there really isn't a lot of work they can do at their own house. So you find somebody, you find a local tradesman within your church, you find somebody and say, hey, two days a week, we want to be with you. I want my son to be with you. No money, just learning, just teaching. Yeah, you know, maybe six hours at a time, and he'll unload the truck, he'll help you organize the truck, he'll clean your truck. He wants to watch. And if a man knows I'm not paying this kid, he's thinking, then I gotta pour into him. I gotta somehow give back. And your son knows, you know, you get to pick, you get to choose what you're doing here. And then you can also do a part-time job. You can do things that begin to enable them as men, right, to step up into that world rather than just giving them more money, they become more entitled, uh, less and less responsibilities. You're not preparing them for fatherhood. And they're already their juices are flowing, right? We're talking about like, and it hopefully it's not porn like fueled. But even if it's not porn fueled, you've got a kid that you've you've done a good job and sort of shutting down any avenues, but he's still a man, right? He's still turning into that. So the testosterone's flowing. You're telling him, hey, you know, he's he's bringing these, he's bringing friends to the house, or maybe he's telling you I want to start dating this girl, and you're like, buddy, I get it. But like preparation is is what this these juices are telling you. You need to prepare to be able to take care of this girl, not practice in like, you know, premarital, you know, life. A 15, that's not what you as a parent really don't need that. You don't need your kid like out at all night, you know, hours at night with some girl because it it will lead to the sins that you want to avoid. I mean, it has to, it's natural. Boys and girls get together and there you go. But if you're pushing for preparation and you've been pushing for that since they were 10, it's not a new message, right? And again, if your kids are older, start now, ask for forgiveness now, just say, Hey, you know what? I wish I'd done this earlier. I didn't, but here we are today. And if you'll listen to me, we'll provide, you know, we have that room, the housing, we're gonna provide different opportunities for you. If you won't listen, we're gonna enlist help, right? That could be the church elders at first, could be programs, whatever. But if the younger kids start that that that training now of like your expectations and be preaching it in your weekly discipleship with them, yeah. Uh, rather than now we're gonna take away everything you have, we're gonna you're gonna lose all your freedoms because you're not obeying us in this one area. And it's like, well, I get it, you have to do something, but that's super reactive, and you're probably gonna end up pushing your kid away further.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Aaron, you know, I appreciate the fact we're uh tapping into the the wisdom of 24 years of working with 530 boys. Uh, you know, there's a lot here. There's a lot here, folks. Uh there's more to come. But uh talk to the dad who just has a hard time loving his boy. You know, I've I've like to say in my talks, you gotta love that boy. Uh how does he love that boy, or how does he begin to love where he has had a hard time loving that boy? What would you tell him?

SPEAKER_02 15:53

Yeah, so yeah, there's different reasons for not loving him, right? Or maybe they probably would never say I don't love my son. Yeah, right. But it comes out in their actions, right? Sometimes it's because they're different than them. Yeah, their interests are different, they're they're not following in their footsteps, or they're not following their lead. But it's like you get to understand it's a stewardship issue between you and God. He's expecting faithfulness, which means you got to show up every day, you got to have the conversations, you got to be willing to have the confrontations. Uh, you got to number one, protect your wife and other kids. Um, because the the kid's smart mouth and mom, uh, Lord willing, not at the level yet where he's pushing her around or whatever, but we get those. But I tell the dads you own a company or you're like a faithful employee somewhere, a manager, you don't put up with this from anybody. But then you come home and the kid's doing the exact same stuff to your wife. He's not doing his chores, not doing what she's asked, his room isn't clean, you know, all the different things that are driving mom nuts and then you nuts. It begins to build this animosity because, and let's be honest, he's making your life uncomfortable. Or you're just you or you're you're disappointed. And it's like, okay, well, get past yourself for a minute. Christ is the focus. How do we get how do we get back to where he knows you're motivated by doing your job and by wanting to see him be a you know a responsible man somewhere where he can just out of the family, not get pushed out of the family. Um, but it's easy to like you you love him, but you're right, Kevin. But I don't like him very much uh because they're they're kind of like they're they're making your life sort of miserable for a season. And I would say it's it could be because of lack of direction on your part earlier on, or just okay, whatever it is, today wake up. Today, take ownership. Um, on our one of our on our on our like uh if you go to our um whatever call our podcast page, they're in the show notes. There's like links to us, there's emails to us. We have people write in, ask questions. We have like these school groups where families are, you know, there's like 60 some families that regularly communicate together, and they're like, you know, they'll ask questions, they get four or five answers, right? Like, hey, we don't know what to do for my son's responding this way, or we're looking for some good, you know, home, you know, like uh let's just say just consequences for like minor behaviors, but we don't know what to do because you know we're limited in what we can, what we what we know. Other people will chime in, give you ideas, we'll give you ideas. Uh, you can set up phone calls, you can set there's lots of things you that you can do in our community that honestly I hope is going on in the in the in your church at home, maybe, maybe not, and probably Kevin with your ministry a little bit as well. But it's like there are resources out there, get a hold of them and and man, just jump in. And I would and I would just say to encourage the fathers, Kevin. It's like you're not done. Yeah, you know, you're sort of done when they leave the nest. I get that, you know, around 18, 19, 20, whatever. You you're you're you're kind of done with that particular kid. Most homeschool families that will have multiple kids. I mean, we had 14, and it's like, you know, I'm now I'm my ninth one's getting married in about a month. And it's like, okay, uh getting closer to the end, but I sometimes feel like when I cross that finish line of my last kids out of the house, uh grandkids. Well, I already, I got 12 of those so far. You know, it's like it's already, you know, it's it's it's loading up. And that's fantastic, right? But it's like God put us here to do a job, not necessarily to be like doing our hobbies or resting, or you know, hey, I did my eight hours at work, leave me alone. It's like, well, most fathers, if you're honest, you got two jobs, man. You got your job that the Lord has allowed you to have to provide food and shelter and clothes for your family. Then you have your first job. You got you got your family, and you come home, man. It's like you're kind of not really off until kids are asleep in bed and you've spent some time trying to like pour back into your wife as well. It's you're busy. It's like you got you got married, you had kids, it's you know, it's it's uh it's a contract.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

You're in it. Give us a little bit more of a sense of what uh what your program's doing. Uh when when that uh family shows up with their boy and he's got porn issues, or he's got a drug problem, or he's been messing around uh with the wrong crowd or whatever it might be, comes into your organization, and uh what happens uh right away? What do you do with him?

SPEAKER_02 20:01

Yeah, right away it's a clean break, right? They're out of their friend groups. Yeah, uh, there's no electronics here at Future Men. So their phone access is gone. And you know, it's like the kids just it's the end of the world, right? I'll I'll see tears, you know, sometimes little like you know, temper tantrum fits. I mean, this is from 16, 17-year-old, you know, young men. I'm like, dude, grow up. What are you doing? Um, and sometimes hearing that from somebody they don't know, right? Some random guy that they just met today, that the parents we've been communicating, you know, maybe a month or two. So they they know me, they've they've done their research, they they they know they trust us, but the son doesn't know us from Adam. So they're a little embarrassed. So they're just listening because they're trying to like, you know, figure things out. So we sort of got their attention because they're out of their comfort zone. So again, they lose their friends, they lose their connections through the internet, and now it's like we're putting in front of them alternatives, right? They're gonna be learning job skills right off the bat, they're gonna be in worldview classes right off the bat. So, like, if you were doing family worship at home, awesome. It's an easy transition. If you weren't, they're really saturated and inundated with like all this information about so many different aspects of their life because there's about eight different men that weekly pour into the worldview classes. That's you know, every aspect of their life's getting hit. And it's like it's fantastic. Like pornography is one of the ones that I personally do. And we spent about 12 weeks going through exactly the chemicals in your brain, how they work, and then let's look at how porn hijacks that. And I relate it a little bit to drugs and alcohol because it's very similar. And so so also is social media. And I say all these things are just varying levels and varying like speed at which it affects you. But with pornography in particular, right? Because it tends to be a lot of kids are into this. Um, we talk about its long-term effects on how your sexual relationship with your wife's gonna be, uh, what you should expect because of the this the different kind of sexual conditioning you're doing to your body, because you're practicing for singleness, is what you're doing. Uh, because that's you know, that's where porn will lead you. It leads you just there's no one there but you. And it's like it's a really, really tragic, you know, perspective for the future.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Terrible.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

So as a parent, you are not at all like out of line thinking I've got to do something now, or I'm gonna lose my kid. Because you will. You'll lose, you'll lose your grandkids because they won't be there, right? Or he'll he won't have the ability to keep his wife because he's so used to just again, pornography is a solo sport. It's it's not it's not part of a you know of a healthy relationship. Um, so we're pretty blunt about how what's gonna happen, how that's gonna look. Uh, we have a lot of like returning students who give their testimonies. We have men in our community who come to give their testimonies. Um, but again, it's structured every week with us, like I'm asking the fathers to do now. Our worldview classes would be your equivalent of your discipleship. Time. And they're getting like 14 hours a week of that, and then one to two hours a week of individual discipleship as well.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

So how much time does it take to rehabituate? Uh to get them in a new way of life, a new way of thinking? Uh you know, okay, they come on day one, they're with you for quite some time, but where where do you begin to see a transition in terms of behavior?

SPEAKER_02 23:01

So the first four to five weeks, it's really just a can they work here? Are they going to be able to submit and obey enough to where it's like they'll let us help them? And that's like an evaluation time because some of the boys, um what the parents present on paper isn't quite accurate. Uh the kid might be a little worse in terms of like, you know, he he's just he needs more of a like a lockdown. We're not, we're not a lockdown program. We're very much, it's not necessarily voluntary because very few kids come here and say, I am so excited to be a feature man. All they know is they're leaving the families, they're leaving the friends. It's it's a little bit scary. Even if it's presented as an opportunity, which it is, they still see it as like, because I done something wrong, mom and dad are sending me to feature men. We try to get rid of that attitude pretty quick. But you know, but but it's there, it's it's sort of there. Um, but like after the first four weeks, when when they're sort of like settled in, we know it's there, they have the the grit to be able to handle what we're doing, right? To to buy in a little bit. By the end of about the second month, you start getting a pretty good idea of okay, are they just barely white knuckle changing, they're just hanging on to hopefully go home sooner or to make their life just more easy at feature men, right? Strictly pragmatic change, or is some of this coming from the heart? Our average length of stay here is about nine to 14 months, depending on the age of the kid, and depending upon like um their tangible goals, right? Because some of the tangible goals are hey, I've got a 17-year-old and he's a you know second semester junior. I just want a high school diploma, I want job training. So we don't even set like a spiritual or emotional goal at that point because it's like it's gonna happen in the time he's here or it's not gonna happen. And let's just be this is to be real, right? If if in the time it takes him to complete those goals, if we haven't reached his heart, you know, it's it staying longer probably won't do it, right? It's again, it's it's the Holy Spirit that does any of the change. That's right. Our tangible stuff, we're doing that's fine. We're we're given the job skills, we're given the you know education, and we're giving the material for the heart change, but that's a God thing. Um, we get a lot of really, really nice kids, and they'll they'll give you obedience because they want the they want the perks of not being in trouble, they want to maybe go home faster, or they really like their job, you know, the apprenticeship, and they're like all into it, and they're like they've they get passionate because we've empowered them with a manly direction, right? But that doesn't mean you have their heart, right? So we'll get like you know, we'll get that group of kids who are, I mean, by the world standards, oh my goodness, you turned this kid around. What an amazing young man! And I tell the parents, hey, that's great, but you're not done, right?

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

The goal is it's hard. And then you know, we may not get it in his lifetime, I don't know, but at least you've got his ear again, and he'll listen to you, pour in, begin the discipleship now, especially if he's like 16 or 17 and he goes home for maybe a senior year or something like that. You he's listening again, do your job.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

And what's the material goal? What would be a material goal? Um, obviously, you have no control of the spiritual. I mean, you uh you you will plant the seeds and hope God brings forth the increase there. But is there a material goal for a 16, 17, 18-year-old young man for any family or for your program? What do you want him to be after a year or two of this at say 18 years of age? What where do you want him to be in life?

SPEAKER_02 26:10

Yeah, so I won't I won't give you like a platitude, right? I'll just give you some reality of like the tangible stuff, man. So if he's 15, 14, our age range is 14 to 21. And that 21 sounds crazy. It's like, how do why does an 18, 19, 20, 21-year-old stay at Feature Men, right? Because again, it's not home. They can walk, but they don't because they like what we offer. But it's like that's the tangible part of what you're asking. So we we we want to see them finish high school or you're caught up, depending on their age. We want to see them have a job skill now in a direction that they did not have before. So I get young men that come here and say, I want to be an auto mechanic. I'm like, great. So we'll set them up with one of our auto mechanics, and about maybe three, four weeks into it, they realize I don't want to be an auto mechanic because they've never done it. They don't really know. They're 15. So we're like, okay, what about it? Do you like? What about it? Don't you like? And we start counseling them in, okay, so how do you shift? For some of them, it's just too much information, it's overwhelming, and maybe their brain isn't as sharp as others. Great. Well, you might try body work, or we may say specifically, hey, we're going to a front-end shop that does all front-end work on cars, it's all you're gonna learn, right? So we're giving them something that's tangible, right? Diploma, specific job training and direction, and it's like awesome, you've got this in your hands now. You're you're equipped to take care of yourself, and that's what we tell the parents, it's like um in a super nice way, and I don't mean this mean at all, your hands are clean. It's like you're you've you've you've instilled you know 16 years of you know faithful parenting to a certain extent, maybe a great extent. Uh they have a good solid biblical foundation. Now they have their education done, now they have a job skill and good access to one. Many times they even have a job offer being here, um, or they're they're you know, we we've line them all out to go to chip to ship off to one of the armed forces. And it's like all those things get them launched, so to speak.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

That's the idea.

SPEAKER_02 28:02

As opposed to, yeah, as opposed to just going somewhere and like, oh, they heard a lot of neat things and they go home with no real tangible basket to present, right? There's nothing in it. It's just sort of like some neat ideas. And again, when I say the platitudes, I do not mean that all those spiritual conversations, all those things are empty. I just mean we can't, you can't determine what he's gonna own of that. So we're giving you this is what they can own, and we're praying that the the good stuff, the reason I started Future Men, right? The heart behind the ministry, we're we're praying that he gets that as well.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

But I I I but I promise that to no parent. So he's like, that's so not a radiator, man.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

So let me summarize this for a second. Okay, granted, we want him to be a mighty man of God. We want him to love the Lord Jesus Christ and to serve the the kingdom of God for the rest of his life. Okay, that's granted. But okay, take the average 18-year-old young man. You want him to be able to work an eight-hour a day, 40-hour a week job without goofing off. He can focus on that, he can get up, he can get his pants on, he can go to work and do an eight-hour job and show up on time and do the eight-hour job and and and stick to that job for three years. That to me would be great. If you could get, if you could get you know, the average young man to do that, you're beating, I don't know, 60, 70% of the population already.

SPEAKER_02 29:25

Yeah, and that's like it's funny how it plays out because you say get up on time, put your pants on. Some of those things that seem like, well, any moron can do that. No, they can't because they're not doing it.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 29:36

The same with like, you'll see kids when they first come to Future Men. We'll be working five, 10 minutes. I have to use a bathroom. Or I need a drink. And I'm like, uh, I'm working because we all work. All my staff, none of my staff have like a desk job. Every single one of us has to be in the trenches with the kids, including me.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

So I'm out there with them. I'm like, you know, I've been working out here the same amount of time you have. I'm 58, I'm thirsty, but I know that we have water coming because we won't work in 10 minutes, we're not dehydrated yet. We're gonna get a drink in a little bit. We'll all get it together, keep working. And you're just encouraging them, not like you know, not being mean, not being sarcastic, just the reality of this is what men do. And when given that opportunity, because again, we have you know, we have property, we have land, we have things that that that provide the resources to teach them that. Yeah, and I get it, and I'm not on anybody's case who hasn't done that necessarily because you grow up in an apartment or you grow up in a suburb, that can be tougher. And we'll help you right tie in the okay. So, in my situation, what's a good next step for us when we come home? We help with that. We help family planning, we help, like, you know, the the home contracts as we call them, because I don't want a kid. There's a there's a word called recidicism, and I'm I'm I'm sure you know what it is.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

I don't want any of that. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

Zero.

SPEAKER_02 30:47

I want them to be like, it was a good investment. You know, we my kid get his time, so to speak. He got the the tangible, you know, incentives that we put there, he's moved on, right? He's independent. And and these boys that get it, man, it's like it's awesome because again, they'll come back. Uh, we've got like at any given time, we have two to three what are called interns here. Those are returning students. You know, they'll go home six months, two years. And we say you have to show some success, you have to show some application of what we've done. And then you're welcome to come back. But here's what's weird they'll tell us, I want the discipleship. I want what you're giving the mentors because it's it's a step even above what we give the students because it's like a those guys are all like there's camaraderie in that staff, right? They're they're like, it's like uh they're buddies. They're they're living together, they're working in the trenches with the boys together, you know, they're laughing, they do a lot of things, you know, as a group. And the kids see that and it's like they're a part of it, but they also know I want to be staff. I want to be, I want to be that. So the kids are come back and they'll they'll become an intern and they get they don't have any authority over the kids, but they have all the perks of you know, living in the house, going to the meetings, being discipled with you know, student marriage and family classes, the parenting classes, the counseling, you know, courses. They take all that. And this is you know, the kid's now 19 and he wants it. And this is the same kid that came, you know, a year ago, a year and a half ago, that was like, I don't want to go to church, you know, I'm tired of my family, you know, whatever they were saying or doing, and it's just flipped. And to me, that's like what a what a what an awesome thing. And that's like that's to me, I get excited because that's success. And over the years, right, that's even graduated to some of the boys being mentors here. And they're actually paid staff. And we always have like right now, there's two of those on staff out of the out of the 18, two are they used to be students, and it's like they've had to earn that, right? They've had to go live, they've had to go live independent, they've had to come back and be an intern. Then they can be a mentor if they still want to, and they do. And it's like to me, that's just like, you know, thank you, Lord. That's amen. That's very, very rewarding.

SPEAKER_01 32:46

Amen. I mean, praise be to God. Miracles happen. God raises the dead, and uh, and we see that uh in in in the work that we're doing, the ministry we're doing in families. We'll see that through the years. Yep, and it's all the praise, all the glory to God, because you know what? We're not in the business of raising the dead. We can call them, we can yell at them, but uh, but God's gonna have to put life into them, and they walk out of tombs and then they again begin to minister themselves to others. Great testimony today from Aaron Boldman. It's uh Future Men, it's the Future Men program. And uh it's uh it's uh the website is helpmyboy.com. Also uh the new webcast available on Spotify and YouTube. Keep that in mind as well. Uh to equipment.

SPEAKER_02 33:26

Yeah, bold parenting is bold parenting.

SPEAKER_01 33:29

Bold parenting is the program specifically for parents who are raising boys and girls. And uh friends, this is what we need right now. We need it. Aaron Boldman today on generations, and uh so thankful for the wisdom, man. Thank you. God bless you. God bless you. Yeah, appreciate all the great things you're doing, and uh keep it up and let's stay in touch. Uh, these are really, really important, equipping things that uh families need. And beyond anything else, Aaron, this is the thing that you need to continue with, and that is to uh to to deal in hope, render hope. Continue to render hope to families because you know there are so many in the middle of it. And uh, three words that I tell parents all the time. Here it is hang. Okay, second word, in third world. Yep. There, hang in there, hang in there, hang in there, stand strong, full of hope, be strong, yes. Uh, know that God is with you and believe, look to God in all of this because it is the most significant faith test you'll ever do. Uh attempting to raise young men, young women to the glory of God and for the future uh kingdom work of the Lord Jesus Christ. So, friends, that's that's it today on Generations. Again, the website helpmyboy.com for Aaron Bullman. Thanks, Aaron. Appreciate uh joining us in generation. And uh, friends, you can uh tune in again next time as we continue to lay down a vision for the next generation. This has been a production of the Generations Media Network. For more information, go to generations.org slash media.