Phobias

Join me in a “mobile podcast” as I take a sheet of a certain number of phobias and go through them. 
By no means is this intended to offend anyone- I am simply exploring the interesting things that freak people out, and I also explore possibilities as to why these phobias might freak said person out. 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, thank you for joining me. This will be a podcast for the ages. I've uh got my cell phone duct taped to my visor in my truck, and I'm out here in the usual fashion on a Tuesday night, ready to pick my daughter up from dance. So this is gonna be uh interesting podcast because it's just me playing solo in my truck in the middle of nowhere, I guess. It's gonna be a fun one. We're gonna do a bit of uh phobias, strange and weird phobias. What I did was I went on Google or wherever and printed off a list and I didn't even look to see what the list was. So there's quite a few on here without trying to look at them and get too excited about it. But uh what we're gonna do is just kind of go through these. So disclaimer. I am not out to purposely make fun of anyone with these phobias and fears. I'm sure they're for real for you, but they're gonna seem comical to me or anyone else that may have never heard of this shit or has ever taken part in even thinking about the phobias that I may read. These could suck, this could be a boring podcast, but this could also be very enlightening, and it I'm kinda excited just because I love uh psychology and shit like that. So what do you say? We just get right into it. So bear with me on pronouncing these god dang things, but we're just gonna start with number one. Uh arachia buddyophobia. Arach arachia buddyophobia Oh my god, budio phobia. The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. I guess can't believe they make this shit up. I can't believe they actually assign phobias to things to people. Obviously they do, so there again, I'm not passing a judgment, but I have a fear of the peanut butter sticking to the roof of my mouth. You know, I think a lot of bands from the 90s were actually famous for the way they sang. And I think um Creed was one of them. Candlebox was another one. Maybe Scott, was it Scott Wyland from the uh the Dixie Chicks? No, Scott Wyland from uh STP. Basically, the they I think they stuck the peanut butter to the roof of their mouth and then stuck their tongue to the top of it. Like, all you gotta do is like stick your tongue to the roof of your mouth and then try to pronounce words and notes around it. So that shouldn't be a phobia. I think a couple guys got famous from doing that. Alright, so moving on from number two. If y'all want to try to pronounce these yourself, you're more than welcome to it. I'm not gonna post the notes to these phobias that I read off, just so you know. But yeah, I'm I'm butchering them, but it's they're freaking long. Why they gotta be so fucking long anyway? It's the fear of belly buttons. Yowza. Anybody got a fear of belly buttons? I mean, there's some ugly ones out there, some cute, pretty petite ones. I would think they'd be more of a fetish than uh a fear. I mean, what the fuck is so scary about a belly button? I mean, maybe you uh had a crazy dream one night of uh something coming out of your belly button. Maybe you saw alien and thought the little creature was gonna come wheedlin' dealing out of the out of the belly button shoot there. But no, the belly buttons are they're fine. I mean, there's some people with outdies that kind of look look a little fucked up. I mean they look kind of like a uh an orangutan with that outie. I mean you've seen at least I've seen a couple people with innies, and then when they get so full that sucker pops out like it's uh uh turkey is done, you know. Anyway, how about terrophobia? Terophobia? The fear of cheese. I wonder if that's any kind of cheese. Or if that's a particular type of cheese. Cheese is just a fun word to say. I always thought cheese had a Z in it. Anyone else think cheese had a Z in it? Yeah, you shouldn't be afraid of fucking cheese. There's nothing that cheese is gonna do to you. Besides give you gas, maybe clot up your bowels a little bit, maybe you have to pass a football in a couple of days, but yeah, cheese, man. Uh that was a that's a tough one. I know a guy that uh has to take some some uh turd passing pills. I can't think of what they're called right now, but for lack of better term, it's poop shoot uh lubricators to if he eats a bunch of cheese, a bunch of pizza, a bunch of, I don't know, feta, gota, gouda, goat. There's so many goddamn cheeses. I guess that's scary in itself. How can they take milk and ferment it and put so many things with it? Maybe that is a scary thing. Maybe the cultures and cheese are something to be actually afraid of. I don't know, the gut biome and the gut kind of runs your shit. No pun intended, but it runs your runs your whole system. So maybe if uh you know farting around with it, and again, no pun intended, we'll uh we'll get you uh afraid of cheese. All right, how about uh papyrophobia? Papyrophobia, the fear of paper. Fucking fear of paper. Can you get anything done? I guess this is okay for the computer geniuses of the world to just like a tappa tappa tapa on their uh on their computer screens with the touch screens and the keyboards and whatnot. I feel like I'm rambling, but I'm having a lot of fun with this just because it's a lot of ideas expressed. And uh here I am hanging out in my truck out in some industrial complex again with little tiny microphone in my hand like they do in the on the like the kids do in the Instagram. So I probably look silly and I'll have a couple silly videos of me looking like this, but yeah, this is fun. Uh yeah, the fear of paper. Really, there's nothing to fear about paper. It what you draw on paper might be a little scary. The little designs you look at in psychology tests, tell me what this is. Tell me what you think this is. That's probably a little freaky, but paper in itself, I don't think can really hurt you, kill you. Paper cuts are a bitch, but not gonna open up a juggler with a paper cut, I don't think. How about anatacodiaphobia, the fear of being watched by a duck? Holy crap! Not fear of ducks, not fear of walking like a duck, but fear of being watched by a duck. I would think a duck would have to be close to you in order to feel the fear of being watched by a duck. Can you imagine that though? Just living your life, everything is cool, everything is fine, but you can't go into any parks, you can't be by yourself. You might be packing heat for fear of a fucking duck might be over there watching you right now. What's he thinking? You want some bread, you don't have any bread. Now you gotta figure out how to run and get away from a duck. A duck waddles, but a duck also flies. Fuck.

unknown 7:15

A duck.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

How about bromotachylophobia? Jesus. Brumotactylophobia. If you have this, I'm sorry, but you have to tell that to people that you have bromotactylophobia. The fear of different foods touching on your plate. Oh shit. There's a lot of people out there that do that. There's a lot of you anal people out there that don't believe that shit just mixes in in your stomach and you don't dare let it touch on your plate. I can see that being like a neat freak OCD type of thing. Yeah, it never made sense to me. Not that I just put all the ingredients on a plate and just start swirling that shit around. But yeah, I get it. I get it. If you got OCD, you might have to find a little trouble with that, so respect. Respect on Brumotactylophobia. How about tac tacophobia? The fear of giving birth. Yeah, maybe. I guess if you don't want to lose a part of your yourself, you might have a little hang-up on the situation. Fear of giving birth, but yeah, I I can't I can't speak to that. So we're just gonna move on. How about nomophobia, the fear of being without your mobile phone? Holy shit. Everyone in America, I would say probably a strong, strong 75 to 85, maybe more percent of you people cannot live. We have become cyborgs, we've become so attached to these devices. We pet them, we have names for them. We leave the room and we don't have them. We feel like it's a part of our body. I say a part of our body, like I'm guilty of it. I might be in a small scale, but not to the extent that some of you people are, and you know who you are. I don't have to name names. I don't have to call you out. I can call you on your phone, I can text you because you know it's on you. You know it's it's like attached at your hip. You can feel it buzz buzz. Yeah. Nomophobia, that's that's legit. I think people need medication for that shit. Chick-ophobia. Chicophobia, the fear of chewing gum. I can't say that's a thing. I mean it's obviously a thing. But uh fear of chewing gum. Is it fear of chewing gum? Or is it fear of chewing? Actually, chewing gum. I wonder if it's the texture that freaks people out. Like if you give them a piece of hubba bubba or you give them a piece of dentine or orbit or you name it, maybe it's just the texture. What about the chiclets? Uh if you do chiclets, it's got that cracky, crunchy, sugary top to it. Could be that. Oh boy. Phobophobia, the fear of having a phobia. Do you fear you have a phobia? But you don't know what it is. That's kind of weird. Alright. Ablutophobia. Ablutotobia. A bluto Jesus. Anemesis of Popeye, okay. A blutophobia. The fear of washing, cleaning, or bathing. Wow. Um, I'd say there's there's some races, there's some uh cultures that have a bludophobia. I'm not gonna name them. I'm I'm not gonna point fingers. I am gonna put a little menthol underneath my nose if I'm in certain areas. I'm being observant, I'm not being racist, so don't jump my shit. We all know that we've had friends in college that just didn't bathe. I wondered if that was a phobia. Could have been a phobia, could have been the stank-ass guy from room 3B down the hall in the dorms that just and didn't wash his feet or his ass or his armpits, and maybe he just fear of washing, cleaning, or bathing. He sure covered it up with Drakkar Noir, didn't he? How about Pogonophobia? Pogonophobia! Little Jamaican, huh? Maybe a little Caribbean Pogonophobia The fear of beards. Beards are kind of scary. Who was I talking to this last weekend? I think there was a dude that had a beard that if he tucked it in like chin, like in line with his chin, he looked more zy top. But if you let it fluff out, he had more of a Santa Claus vibe going on. Yeah, I can think of him. He had a gray beard and he actually does Santa Claus in the wintertime. That makes sense. Pogonophobia? Pogonophobia! The fear of beards. It's really not a scary thing, but yeah, I guess you can you can twist them up, you grow them out long enough, twist them up, put band or band-aids, put rubber bands in them. It's kind of freaky, funky looking. Nothing to be afraid of. I guess Wayne Static had a crazy looking beard, but he also had it growing three feet off the top of his head, too. Flipping the paper over, there's still more here, folks. So hopefully you're still with me and interested in hearing about all these phobias. They're just phobias. They're they're legit things. I'm not making them up, I'm not making fun. I'm just trying to learn. Geneophobia. God, now they're all gonna be Jamaican. Don't want this to happen anymore. But geneophobia, the fear of chins. Well, how many chins do you think you need? I guess you could have too many chins, and I guess what do you do about it? What if you got a fear of chins? Do you just not look at yourself in the mirror? You do have one, you're guaranteed one. Alright, moving right along. How about acryophobia, the fear of wind? I don't know about you, but I love the sound of wind. I think it's got a sweet bellowing in your ears up to a certain level, anyway. I used to love to run really fast and hear the wind knocking around in my ears. It let me know I was going as fast as I could possibly could. I was also the type to make those motorcycle sounds or the engine revving sounds and going as fast as I could. Hey, it helps. Anything that helps. Um, how about ciderophobia, the fear of stars? So what's the fear? You you fear the stars are watching you? Kind of like the duck? Are they just up there twinkling and winking at you the entire time? You think they're watching you specifically? Do you think they're gonna fall out of the sky? Do you envision them falling from the sky? Kind of a weird one. How about chlorophobia, the fear of clowns? Oh my god. Wonder what I can't say I wonder what it really is all about, but um kind of makes sense. You look at a dude in a clown outfit, they're trying to be happy, but god damn, they look mischievous. And there's so many horror movies out there now that you're just like, oh yeah, that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. That dude's pretty freaky looking, and he just saw somebody in half. Or you might see a lot of scary videos. I get it. I get it. Clowns are supposed to be happy, but yeah, you know a lot of people that like look at name the clown. I mean, what was uh what was the name of the the clown that was on TV? The famous one, Bozo? Is it Bozo the clown? That dude was like, he looked like he was about six foot four and about two forty and just a bald scalp, white with a big old rim. Maybe I'm thinking of homie the clown. Homie the clown from a living color. Homie, don't play that. Um, where am I? I lost my place. How about three more here? Just bear with me for three more. Uh tripotry popophobia. The fear of dis the fear or disgust of irregular patterns of holes. The fear and disgust of irregular patterns of holes. Not just irregular patterns, but holes. I got a weird thing about holes. Abscesses. A pit in your skin where it's like clean around the edges, but then you can see like inside the body. And it's not like stuff's cut and trying to figure its way out to getting back together again. It's uh an abscess. So it's it's this deep little pink pit. That shit kind of freaks me out, makes my blood curl a little bit. There's only so many things that make my blood curl, and the abscesses are them, but I'm looking at a a pattern of holes. So any holes? Any size? What's so freaky about that? What if we flip like 10 people upside down and you're just looking straight down their buttholes? Isn't that more funny? I think that's more funny. But maybe you're looking at it as uh salt and pepper shaker? Is that erratic or is that patterned? I don't know, you have to write me and explain and explain in detail to me what that's about. Uh erythrophobia, the extreme fear of blushing. So I wonder if these people chalk up with foundation so that you don't get to see them blushing? Or they they don't associate associate with people that make jokes, or they don't get around the opposite sex or the same sex, and they they don't blush. They don't put themselves in circumstances where they blush. I guess that's that's how every phobia would be, I guess. I guess I'm not going to the park tonight because I don't want any goddamn ducks watching me. Scary stuff. Maybe there's also a clown wandering around just smiling, being happy. I don't know. How about Distiophobia? Dystichiophobia or the fear of having a freak accident. Well, fucking everybody's got that fear, don't you? Are you just walking around and be like, that could never happen. You know the scene in Tommy Boy where he says, Have you just been driving down the road and never just want to jerk your car into the goddamn bridge abutment? I mean, who doesn't fear? I don't say I fear, but I can imagine all these weird freak accidents. I've seen too many movies, I've seen too many different plots and schemes to just not imagine. Yeah, that could happen. Yeah, that could happen. But there are people out there that just imagine things and they stay up till two in the morning worrying about stuff that will never happen. So maybe this lettering here is for you in the dystichiophobia. Anyway, it's been fun. This is the lane brain. I've got questions. Uh this has been kind of a more of a definition reading night, but uh I still enjoy it. It'd be even more interesting if I had someone sitting across from me or uh on the phone with me or you know, talking to me, explaining maybe they got one of these fears so they can kind of give me a little justification as to why they have it. But regardless, I I like doing this. There'll be more lists. Um I'm gonna come up with a section of the podcast for such a list reading thing. I like to call it the maybe call it the bitch list, but I wasn't really bitching tonight, so it's having fun with it. But thanks for sticking around and indulging me. So until next time, see y'all later.