Under Heaven Podcast: Renee Van Orden - Unplugged From Darkness

Under Heaven Podcast Host, Trish Hodges, sits down with Renée: a woman whose story is marked by deep loss, spiritual confusion, homelessness, witchcraft, and ultimately, the overwhelming grace of God. When she was a homeless teen, Renee joined a traveling carnival just to survive. What she didn’t know then was that God’s grace was protecting her even in the darkest places.

Her turning point came years later, when she heard a former satanic priest describe how Jesus broke into his life and everything began to change. Today, Renée is a restored woman who has watched God rebuild every part of her life. What she lost, God returned. What was broken, He healed. What was stolen, He redeemed.

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt forgotten, unworthy, or too far gone.
 Renée’s story reminds us:

- God sees you in the darkest places
- His grace reaches further than your mistakes
- Jesus breaks chains no one else can
- Restoration is possible — even when life has fallen apart

Trish: patricia@lookingup24.org

Christian Testimony, Deliverance Story, Spiritual Warfare, Witchcraft to Christianity, God’s Grace, Redemption Story, Homeless Teen Story, Survival and Faith, Jesus Saves, Freedom in Christ, Overcoming Darkness, Restoration, Real Life Stories

Under Heaven Podcast, Faith, Trish Hodges, Testimony, Christian Women, Encouragement, Testimony

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Welcome to Underheaven, the podcast where we glorify God and celebrate the beautiful stories of women whose lives have been transformed by its goodness and grace. I'm your host, Chris, and each week we share real conversations about faith, hope, and purpose. This is a place for encouragement and truth, where every story matters and every listener is welcome. No matter where you are in your journey, let's grow together under heaven. Welcome to Under Heaven Podcast. And today we have an amazing guest. Renee is Renee, and she is a wife, mother, a child of God. But today she's going to share with you her journey from dark into lightness. So let's welcome Renee.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Hey Renee. Hey there.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

It's so good to see you again. You started out with kind of a difficult life as your family changed, family dynamics. Would you tell us a little about that?

SPEAKER_00 1:13

So I was born in 85, and I lost my mama in 87 or no 88. My my mom passed away when I was three. So I went to live with my grandparents and I lived with them. I grew up Catholic. So I was in the church. Every time the doors open, my grandmother, she was, she's very in there. I went to catechism classes, CCD. I was in Bible, like Bible school on Sunday mornings and then mass Sunday, you know, Sunday like mid-morning. I also went to Catholic kindergarten also. And then I transitioned into public schools. And I lived with them until I was about 13. And then I moved in with my dad. And I went to high school with him. I was freshman getting in there. I think that it was like two or three months into school. Um didn't fit in a lot of kids. Um, you know, was not a popular kid. I was quiet, um, very to myself. Um, I got more along with like the gothic crowd. Um, and they were into like the Wiccan religion and everything. Um, so that's kind of where I got introduced into the occult. Um, kind of did it to fit in at first, and then it just, I guess, kind of started making sense to me in a way. Um, so that of course, life from the enemy. Um, so it it was kind of like an easy transition for me to get into that. Always hit it because my dad said that he was a Christ follower. Um, he's actually found my like my books and my rings and stuff like that that I had that I was wearing at school. Um, and he threw them away. You know, we don't we don't believe in that here. And he would throw it away, and then I would just acquire it all over again from the kids that I knew in school. Um and then, you know, like I was never really accepted in the household either. Um my my stepmother, she had sons and they we we cats and dogs, we did not click very well, which caused our relationship to be pretty strained. And uh um yeah, I just felt like an outsider there too. So I moved out of there after um after years of mistreatment, and I was I was homeless and then joined the carnival. So it was definitely a wild ride. Um I didn't I didn't really know that it was God's grace um that kind of kept me on the right path. Um, well, not on the right path, but on the path of not being hurt, you know, like because I did a lot of stuff that was very wild. Uh I was into I was doing drugs, uh I was in abusive relationships. If he didn't have his hand on me, I definitely wouldn't be here right now.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

Yes, I totally understand that he is so merciful. It says that he is faithful even when we're not faithful. Oh yeah. And he was faithful. Yeah. And now I'm not sure you you um left home when you were how old? 16. 16. Okay. And is that when you joined the carnival when you were 16?

SPEAKER_00 5:04

I was 18. I wasn't able to um, I wasn't able to join the carnival, and I also wasn't able to stay in the shelters um because you had to be 18 too. And then the ones that were for kids um who were under 18, they were DS, they had like DCF and DSS ran, you know, like Department of Children Family Services. Uh so that would have put me in the system, and that was something that I wanted to stay out of as well, because I always heard not very good stories about stuff that happened on the kids who were in that system. Uh, so definitely tried to stay out of there, even though the path that I went didn't go as well as I was hoping as well. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Where did you stay? How did you how does a 16-year-old survive without home and family?

SPEAKER_00 6:03

It was it was really rough, honestly. I lived in Connecticut, so um, you know, during the summer months, I was sleep like I had abandoned cars that I would sleep in. There was like a factory um that was kind of like on the edge of town that I would walk to, and I would sleep in the cars there, and whichever one was open. Um in the winter, I was sleeping in like the post office bathroom where it was like that 24-hour where like all the post boxes were. I would kind of slide in there and sleep in there, and um it I had friends that I I was able to stay with at some points too, but of course, you know, you can only stay so long before you're not welcome anymore. Um so that kind of was that too. Um my grandmother, she had came to me when I was uh I think I was like six months after I moved out of my dad's house. Around that, I was just about to turn 17 and she asked me to come home, and I just so pig headed and stubborn that I told her no, I do it without her. And that is a huge regret in my life too, because I didn't get to tell her that I was sorry. And she passed away when I like I was almost 18 years old from emphysema. So that that's always been a burden. Um I tell my kids that all the time. Um I tell them don't say stuff that you don't mean because you never know when you're not gonna be able to apologize to for that, those words, those actions. Um, because that that was my biggest regret, and that's where I always did like I changed that. I try not to say things that I don't mean now. Uh yeah, you never done absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

I totally understand what you're saying, Renee. Um, I and and now I'm just thinking as you're talking, your grandma's in heaven. And you do you think that she forgave you and understands where you were?

SPEAKER_00 8:20

Yeah, yeah, I do. Um even though it's probably really hard to hear your grandchild, my grandchild say that. Yeah, I I do believe that uh it my husband tells me all the time, like stop and stop thinking that she doesn't know that you, you know, that you love her and that you're sorry.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

Yes. Yeah, I totally believe, I totally believe that she knows your heart. And she even knew it at that time because I know how my grandma was with me, like because I was I was doing stuff like that. I wasn't into the occult, but just about anything else you could name. And you know, my grandma kept saying, I hope one day you'll meet Jesus. And she knew where I was coming from. She knew I wasn't thinking right, and I'm sure your grandma was the same way, and she prayed for you. And look, here we are today. And I I give so much credit to my grandma because I know her prayers made a difference, and I'm sure your grandmas did too.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Yeah, I I can a hundred percent agree with you on that. Um, she I mean, she was definitely a praying woman. Um she just loved to try to get me to do better. And now, you know, like at that point when you're a kid, you're just like, uh, you're just trying to run my, you know, you're right. I'm trying to run my life and it's my life. So let me just do it myself. And then when you get older, you kind of realize, oh man, she just wanted what was best for me, you know. And that's where it really sinks in, and you're just like, oh man, I wish that I could apologize to her, you know, and I know if she knows my heart. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Just like Jesus, you know, when you look at First Corinthians 13 and you read about love, the definition of love, you know, Jesus has an unconditional love for us. And when we live as Christians, as true Christ followers, we walk with that unconditional love in us as well. And um that that's always comforting when I think of someone who's gone on that I maybe wasn't the nicest to that I should have been. Okay. Can you share a little bit then about your transition? How you how did you come to know Jesus in full?

SPEAKER_00 10:46

So I I I always used to say that my life was like a series of unfortunate events. Um, so I I've always been with somebody who was abusive. Um, so my ex-husband, uh he was he was that he was very abusive. I shouldn't have married him. I uh I know that, you know, and I think I knew that then, but I just kind of wanted to prove to him that I loved him and that it was unconditional that I loved him, even though he was abusive before marriage too. Um, but it was his it was his niece. His niece was churchgoer, um, she loved Jesus. She would talk to me about him all the time, which I never had a problem like it. When I was in the occult, I was very respectful of other people's religions and what they believed in. So I always listened. And she wasn't the first one to come to me and talk to me about Jesus, but she was definitely one of the first ones that that planted the seed and it started to grow. So, um, which I believe that at the point that I was at, like a lot of the seeds were planted. You know how um the sower, the story of the sower, like they he throws out seed, um, and like it lands on pavement and then it burns up and then it lands on shallow ground and it it sprouts for a minute, but then it dies off, but then you have the one that really takes. I think that that like that's pretty pretty accurate to my life. Um, I had those seeds that would um they would go ahead and they would just burn up as soon as as soon as I heard the word, it would just kind of burn up, like it didn't do anything. And then it would sprout because I had been saved previously, um, but then it would just like kind of like die out. But her seed that she was planning talking to me every day is we saw her all the time. Um she lived right down the road from the house from our house. So I saw her because she was a very close friend of mine, and so I always saw her. We always talked, I went to church with her, um and then I bought my first Bible when I was with her. I like when I was saying uh, you know, not like with her, uh, but when I was with him and talking to her. Um and it was a woman's Bible. Um I wanted a recovery Bible because uh uh I I have Malachi. My oldest is maybe 19, so I have almost 20 years off of really hard drugs. Um and then I have a couple of years off of everything else. Um I used to smoke weed and I used to drink, and I don't do any of that anymore. I also quit smoking cigarettes put a little weight on from that one, but that's okay. Um, but so I quit all of Lake's bad habits because a verse that really convicted me was that your body is your temple and you're not supposed to do anything that you know can mess up your temple. Um so I went ahead and I quit all of that. So I wanted a recovery Bible when I first got a Bible. Uh but the more affordable one was the woman study Bible that I got. So I went ahead and got that, started reading it here and there. It was nothing like every day, but I read it here and there, and the day that I left my ex-husband, we had gotten into a really big fight. Uh he was cheating on me with the same girl for many years. I asked him to block her, he unblocked her, she messaged him, caused a huge fight, got physical. The Monday after everything got physical, I was going to work and I heard in my head a voice telling me, leave and never come back. And it was it was like so it was masculine, it was loving, it was authoritative. And I just looked up and I said, Yes, God. And I packed the the little bit of stuff that I had for my son. I had a little diaper bag, a can of formula, a couple of changes of clothes for him, some diapers and wipes and stuff, and I left the clothes on my back and I never looked back. And it was the best decision. And the first time that I actually heard God's voice and was obedient to him. And he's it's it's like the story of Joe. Um I lost everything I did. I lost uh um, I lost my kids. I have three. Um I lost them all to PSS and use it and the drugs that I was doing. Um and after I left, God just started putting everything back together for me. So everything fell apart. So we're all I had was Anthony and he just built everything back up to me. I have all three of my kids. Um I have a nice house, I have a great job, um, and I have a loving and wonderful husband. And so it's gratitude, a big amount of gratitude.

SPEAKER_01 16:33

And you had said previously that your husband was a great support to you as you were growing in the Lord, and he still is.

SPEAKER_00 16:43

Yeah, yeah, he was um, he had it was funny um because me and him, um we would get to talking about people in the occult, and I'm I'm fresh out, you know, I'm turning my life over. And I'm like, oh no, no, they're good people, you know, like um, they're really good people. You you uh uh you shouldn't be talking like that about people, they don't mean any karma or anything like that. And uh uh he would be like, uh, they're not following Christ. So you you've gotta kind of make that, you know, like a decipher there and uh he's the one that started getting me to think about it, so I started researching it. And uh I was like, Yeah, I shouldn't be defending people who who are in the occult because you can't there's like no gray area. I used to believe that no matter what you who you believed in, as long as you did good, you would still make it to heaven. We all have like inevitably like the same uh the same ending, you know, the the same uh what is it? Like the same end results in a way you you're just a good person, you're gonna make it you know, into heaven and stuff like that. And Jesus plainly says that I'm the way, the truth, and the life. Nobody gives to the father except for me. And so when you're on that fence and you're catering, you're gonna you're just might as well not even believe and you know, because you're you're not gonna make it into heaven if you're not following Christ and those beliefs. And so I'm that was one of the reasons why I wanted to start telling my testimony and stuff like that, because uh I I understand the the life of being the occult. So I feel like he let me go through all of that to come out where I am now so that way I can start helping plant the seeds and be relatable.

SPEAKER_01 18:48

He is so faithful, the trials and the word tells us the trials we go through that um he will use those so we can help others as they go through their trials. And um also when we're going through these trials, that's when we're getting our strength. That's when we're learning to depend on him. And um, I heard a good analogy by Priscilla here this morning, and she was talking about being on an airplane when there was a lot of turbulence, and um, everybody was all nervous in that. And then when they got off the plane, this one the one guy met the pilot and said, Were you nervous when we were in all that turbulence? And he and he's like, you know, it it it of course it makes you aware, but he said, I can see what's ahead. You can't, but I can't. So, you know, that's a calming thing. I have all these instruments that, you know, help me know where I am and what to do and all that, and I know how to use them, you know. And and he just related that to God. How when we're going through a trial, you know, we may feel that turbulence, but we've got to remember 50 is the beginning from the end. He knows the heart of everybody involved, and he's got it. And so that is so cool that God is using using your testimony today to set others free in Jesus' name. Yeah. Um, you also um, let's see, what was I gonna talk about? Oh, you were talking, I were you told me about a video, a YouTube video that changed that got your mind thinking as well. Can you tell us about that?

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Yeah, um, I was at work one day and my husband he started watching this video. It was with Isaiah Saldavar and John Ramirez. Um and he God told him to wait, you know, wait until Renee gets home. Um so when I got home, he was like, I have a video to watch with you. So we started watching the video. And John Ramirez is an ex-satanist. He was like really high in the in the hierarchy of you know, like satanic priests and stuff like that. And he was talking about how Jesus came in, stopped the devil from hurting him, you know, like it's a really powerful testimony. I I do 100% suggest it that anyone and everyone um and he struggled a little bit with you know like the forgiveness factor, um, because he was Satanist from like I think he was like eight, nine years old in that that area of time. And then I think he was like 30 or 40 when he came out. And um, and so he was he was very, oh, I don't know if God's gonna forgive me and stuff like that. And he found out that no matter what you do, as long as you have breath in your body, as long as you ask for that forgiveness, God is gonna give it to you, and you feel it. And you change your life and you follow Christ. And so when he was talking about that, because I struggled with it myself, I I had turned my back on God so many times. I I didn't believe in Jesus. Well, I I knew that he was a man, but I just didn't you know, I didn't put it all together and I didn't understand the Trinity. I didn't you know, uh growing up Catholic is a little different than growing up Christian. Um they don't explain all of that as much as Christians do. Christianity is more of a relationship where um where Catholic is more of like um like the acts of doing stuff. It's more um I I can't think of uh the name for it right now.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

It's more ritual, I believe. The the Catholic Church and and we do want to say that's generic because there are still, and I know you agree, there are still people in the Catholic Church who do know Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is more ritualistic, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

Yeah, and so that I think that was one of the reasons why it was so easy for me to transfer into witchcraft as well, because um I didn't have a relationship with Jesus like you should. So um he was talking about how you know, like Jesus forgave him and stuff like that, and he accepted Jesus. And when I was sitting there, I was sitting in my chair and I'll I was against her, like there was a window right behind me. So nobody was able to get back there, like there was like that much space. And it was just me and Mike. And Mike was uh next to the TV sitting in a different chair, and it was like there was like a plug that pulled from the back of my head, and I felt it, it jerked my head back. And I was like, yeah, I was looking around and I was like, what was what was that? You know, and I think that that was the moment where God unplugged me from, you know, like just all of the unawareness that I had of you know, his love and everything. Um because once that happened I felt peace. You know, I I think that he was just unplugging me from like that like that circuit board of the devil um and his his lies and stuff like that. Because now I'm in I am full-fledged into combating everything. I was telling Mate yesterday um you know, I'm I'm in in full-fledged war. War against the demons, because I am I'm pretty mad because they deceived me for so long, and they're deceiving so many other people. So they gotta fight. There you go. That's right ahead of them.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

And that's that's why we put on our armor every day because um we are in a battle. You know, when we um accept Jesus Christ and begin to walk in his ways, which are totally against the ways of the world, we enter battle. Oh yeah, we we have that helmet of salvation, our mind, we have to keep our mind, it says that we are uh we can renew our mind by the watching of the word. We got to read that word, you got that new Bible. I'm so happy that you got, and I've started out with a study Bible too, and it helps so much because when you're a new Christian, you're you don't understand everything, and it helps to explain things. And so I do uh recommend getting a study Bible if you can. Um and now I just want to let you tell the women a way they can reach you. I believe you have uh an email that they can reach you with.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

Um, I have R L kidkid 41219 at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Okay, perfect. Well, and we'll be sure to put that in the notes too. I thank you so much for joining us today, Renee. And I know that this message is going to touch hearts out there because that's what we prayed, and it says what to ask and believe in agreement that it is done. So we just thank all you viewers out there today, and um just I would like to ask Renee, if you would please to pray for those out there who may be like the teenager feeling out of place, um wanting some kind of connection and acceptance. Um, the one who may already be off track as far as they're just doing what the world does because that's what they think is normal. And someone who is a new Christian, just those all just kind of go together. So if you'll just pray, I thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 27:03

Dear Father, um, we just come here to thank you for this wonderful time and thank you for guiding all words. Lord, please, uh-uh, come against any of the enemy's attacks to sit there and hinder and confuse anyone, teenagers, uh young ladies, men, um anyone that the enemy is coming against, uh, please block those attacks from them. Let them understand your love because you have made them wonderfully and beautifully in your image, and they are so extremely accepted that all they have to do is accept you because you are the way the truth and the light and we all need you, Lord. We cannot walk with this like without you. So please, Lord, wrap your loving, beautiful, majestic hands around everyone and let them feel you, loved Lord. I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

Amen. Oh, that was beautiful, and I love that you brought up we are wonderfully, majestically, fearfully made in his image. Amen. Well, thank you everyone for being on Under Uh Heaven Podcast today. I hope that something has pricked your heart and there may be someone that you could share this will with. Be sure to click like and share because we want to get that word out there. Renee is pouring out her heart before you in all honesty, and she knows the salvation and the freedom that is in Jesus Christ. Amen. Amen. Thank you all. Have a great day. Bye-bye.

unknown 29:00

Bye.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

Thank you for being with us today on Under Heaven. I trust this conversation encouraged your heart and reminded you of God's faithfulness. If today's episode blessed you, please click like, subscribe, and share the hope with others. Until next time, blessings.