The Huddle With Dr. Lisa Petit

4 Parenting Pitfalls—and Simple Fixes That Work

• Lisa Petit, M.D. • Season 1 • Episode 5

Share episode

Meltdowns at dinner, endless negotiating, and that nagging sense you’re doing too much yet still not getting through—sound familiar? We take a practical, compassionate look at the four parenting mistakes we see most often and share small, high-impact shifts that calm the chaos and build real connection at home.

First, we unpack inconsistent follow-through and why kids, like tiny scientists, test for weak spots in our rules. You’ll hear how clear expectations and calm, steady action create trust—without lectures or power struggles. Then we tackle the urge to over-explain in heated moments. Through a vivid clinic story (and a few stickers), we show how brief, firm language beats a ten-minute monologue when emotions run high, and why teaching lands better after the storm passes.

Next, we address comparison—the quiet thief of progress. From sibling contrasts to social media highlight reels, we explore how comparison shrinks confidence and stalls growth. Instead, we model process praise, celebrate unique timelines, and reframe “falling behind” as “developing differently.” Finally, we talk about ignoring our own needs and why self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a parenting skill. You’ll leave with a simple plan for one non-negotiable daily habit that refuels your patience, sharpens your responses, and shows your kids what healthy balance looks like.

If you’ve been craving steady, usable tools—not theory—you’ll find them here: hold the line with kindness, use fewer words when it’s hot, stop the compare-and-despair loop, and protect your oxygen mask. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a review to tell us which small tweak helped most.

SPEAKER_00:

Hi everyone, and welcome back to the Huddle Podcast with Dr. Lisa Petit, where we come together for real talk, real tools, and real wins in parenting. I'm Dr. Lisa Petit, and today we are going to talk about four of the most common parenting mistakes that I see in my practice. And if I'm being honest, sometimes I even see these in my own life. But we're also going to talk about ways to avoid these mistakes. And before we get started, I just want to be very clear that these topics we're talking about, it's not about blaming, it's not about shaming anyone. It's just about being aware of these mistakes so that we can make the tiny tweaks that we need that are actually going to make a huge difference in your parenting game and in your house. So mistake number one, inconsistent follow-through. So picture this: you've just come home from a long day of work and you're getting dinner ready and you've told your child, okay, iPad turns off in five minutes so that we can get ready for dinner. So five minutes pass, dinner's ready, and then your house turns into Wine Central Station because your child is having the biggest meltdown on the planet just because you tried to tell them that the iPad needs to be put away. So they're having a meltdown, you're exhausted. So what do you do? Maybe you ignore it and hope that it'll go away. Maybe you give in and give the iPad back just so you can have a moment's peace. Maybe you even allow them to use the iPad during dinner just so you can keep the peace, even though you know that's not technically what you're supposed to do. But hey, we've all been there where after a long day, you're exhausted. Maybe it's feeling guilty that you haven't been with them all day, or maybe you just don't have the energy or bandwidth to handle their meltdown in that moment because you're about to have one of your own. But here's the problem: kids are really, really smart. They are expert scientists. You know, scientists will do research by starting with a theory and then they gather evidence to either confirm or disprove that theory. Well, that's exactly how kids test the quote laws in their own world. So if the law changes depending on your mood or energy level, they learn that persistence pays off and not in the way that you want. They also will learn whatever it is that you teach them. So, for example, if they know that after five minutes, ten minutes of having a meltdown, you're gonna go ahead and give them what they want, then essentially what you've taught them is that all they have to do is cut up for another five or ten minutes and they'll get exactly what they want. And they will continue to repeat that because the law in their world now confirms that ten minutes is the breaking point. So here's how we fix that. First, give clear expectations. In the scenario that I mentioned, you actually said, hey, iPad turns off in five minutes, and that's great. But the next step is to follow through and to stick with that expectation. So you can use a calm phrase like, hey, the timer went off, it's time for dinner, and then if they start having the meltdown, then you can walk away and ignore it. But whatever you do, don't give in. Just make sure you hold the line. You don't need to give them a lecture, you don't even need to get angry. Consistency is the most loving thing that you can do because it builds trust in your word. They know that what you say matters and that you're going to follow through. If they do have the meltdown and the tantrum, like I said, you can ignore it or you can use a counting method, which I love to teach. It's actually called 1, 2, 3 magic, and I will be having a class on that coming up soon, but that is a wonderful technique for those moments. So the next mistake that parents make is talking too much during discipline. Okay, I see this all the time in my office. Parents talk way too much and way too soon while they're trying to correct their child. Now, don't get me wrong, it comes from a good place because you're trying to teach them, you're trying to reason with them, and you're trying to connect with them. But in the heat of the moment, it usually backfires. So I'm going to tell you a true story here. So one day I walk into an exam room for a child's well visit, and this little girl is probably four or five years old, and she was happily, very happily, glued to her tablet while waiting for me to come in. Her mom had already warned her when Dr. Petit comes in, we'll put the tablet away. So great job, mom. You set it up perfectly. But then I walk in and the mom takes the tablet appropriately because we are also trying to teach our kids that people are more important than devices, and we put the devices away when people come in. So again, I applaud her because she is doing all the right things. But then when she takes the tablet, the child loses it. I mean, full meltdown, she gets mad and whack hits her mom. So then the mom gasps, as do I. But then the mom stays very calm and launches into a very thoughtful explanation about how you know, sweetie, that's not nice. Hitting hurts people, we should use our words when we're angry, and before the mom can even finish her sentence, boom, the girl hits her again. And then a third time. Now, at this point, I have to step it. Because honestly, the mom isn't wrong about anything that she's telling the child, but this child is entering into full emotional meltdown mode, so that's just she's just not hearing it, she's just not listening. So, like I said, at that point I intervene and I say, Mom, would you mind if I try something different with um with her? So the mom, of course, looking very relieved, says, Yes, please. So I turn to the child, and in my best serious mom voice, which fortunately most of my patients actually don't even know that I possess this voice because very rarely do they ever have to see it. But we all have that voice inside of us. So I very sternly looked at her and said, We don't hit in Dr. Petit's office. Now your mommy said, No tablet right now, so I need you to be a good listener. Hopefully, you can be a good listener for the rest of your visit because you'll be able to earn some of our new stickers. But if I see anything like that again, there will not be any stickers today. That was it. No lecture, no 10-minute TED talk, just clear, calm, and done. And the child considered it, and then we were able to move on with the visit. Now, some kids, sure, you can reason with them right away, and that works. They're able to have a little bit more of that emotional regulation and and settle themselves down. That's fantastic. Congratulations for them. But for most kids, like this little girl, when they're upset, the logic part of their brain just turns off. It checks out. So this is like trying to teach algebra during a fire drill. Nobody's learning anything, everything is just too hyped up. So here's the fix. Save the lecture for later. In the moment, fewer words are better. You just need to get your point across, and then that's it. So sometimes you might just need to say, you know what, I can't hear you when you're shouting. We can talk later once you've calmed down, and then walk away. Then once the emotional storm passes, that's when you can circle back and teach the lesson. Just in case you're wondering, that little girl was a perfect angel the rest of the visit. So she did earn some of our very cool stickers. Then I was able to remind her of how she earned those stickers, not that we gave them to her, she earned them by being a good listener, and she was even able to apologize to her mom for mistreating her earlier. So we we definitely do not want to talk too much in the moment because again, we want to make sure that the message is received and that we're being effective. Mistake number three: comparing kills progress. A lot of times, parents will compare siblings to each other, or we'll compare ourselves to other families, and that one really sneaks up on all of us, even the ones who are the most self-aware. So sometimes it can sound like, hey, why can't you be more like your sister? Or man, I never had this problem with your older brother. But other times it's quieter, and sometimes it's even more in our heads. So you're scrolling through social media, sitting at a school concert, thinking, wow, that family looks so put together. How do they do it? Or man, they look like they're having the time of their lives, all their kids are smiling in the pictures, no one's clothing tags are showing, um, you know, everything looks wonderful. And we've all been there. The problem is, comparison is a trap. It robs us of the ability to see our child's unique strengths and our families too. And it really doesn't motivate kids, it actually makes them feel like they'll never measure up, and it puts a spotlight on their shortcomings, which nobody really enjoys having that happen. I remember once in my office I had two siblings who were close in age, but both wonderful kids in very different ways. They had different temperaments and everything. One was more outgoing, a little chattier, um, and the other was very deep in thought and maybe a little more introverted. And their mom, who adored them both, was actually kind of worried that the quiet one wasn't being as social and kind of corrected her and was telling her to really talk and engage more. And the mom even said, Well, she just doesn't make friends as easily as her sister does. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. And when I asked the little girl what she enjoys doing, she said she likes to draw, she um enjoys music and was really into kind of the individual creativity. And as I was talking to the mom, I was explaining that this child is amazing and she just has her different comfort zone, her different gifts, and can actually celebrate and embrace that. And yes, every child needs social skills. Some of us come by it very naturally and very outgoing and extroverted. Some kids just kind of develop that maybe a little later, maybe they develop it in a different way where they're just very comfortable with their small group of friends and and they're okay. Kids develop at their own pace. You know, eventually we all get there. The timeline just isn't the same for everybody, and neither are the gifts. So we don't want to compare siblings. We also don't want to compare ourselves because again, there is no perfect family. So when you see those quote perfect pictures online and you think, oh, that family's got it all figured out, just remember you're only seeing their highlight reel. You're not really seeing the behind the scenes, and it can actually be helpful to take a step back and you know, when you look past the sibling arguments, the spilled milk, the piles of laundry, and all of those things, you realize how special your family is. So focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate your child's milestones, no matter how small they are, and without measuring against anyone else's. When your child learns something new, say, wow, you really worked hard on that, or see, you are really putting a lot of effort into that. And look how your work paid off. Instead of saying, see, now you're catching up with your brother. And give yourself that same grace too. Parenting isn't about winning some invisible race, it's about raising your kids and enjoying time with your family and celebrating your values. That simple mindset shift can turn a comparison into confidence, and that's when you can start really enjoying your family and each person's individual gifts. And finally, mistake number four, ignoring your own needs. You know, sometimes people will talk about having a tank, an emotional tank, right? Um, if you are trying to parent when your tank is empty, it doesn't just make you tired, it makes everything harder. You lose patience more easily, you react to situations instead of mindfully responding. And sometimes, when you least expect it, you're snapping at your kids over socks on the floor. And then, of course, the guilt rolls in, right? You didn't want to react like that, you feel bad for losing your temper, and sometimes you even try harder to do everything for everyone, which only drains you even more. It's a vicious cycle that a lot of us as parents fall into. But here's the truth: we've got to break that cycle, and it starts with self-care. It's not being selfish, it's actually a parenting skill. Because when you're running on fumes, you just can't show up and you can't be your best self for your kids. They get the leftover version of you, the warmed over version of you. So, what I often tell parents in my office is that you can't pour from an empty cup. Also, you know, on airplanes, they actually make it a point to go around to parents and let them know that if you are in an emergency situation, you put your mask on first before helping your child. If we put our mask on, we can help the child if, God forbid, that they pass out or anything like that. We can help them put their mask on and then they get oxygen and then we're both okay. But if you help your child and then you pass out or you're having an emergency, the child can't help you. So then your child is stuck without their parent there, and you have no one to really help you. So make sure you put your oxygen mask on first. Now that's going to look different for different people. Sometimes that means a bubble bath or a spa day, but realistically, sometimes it's just taking 10 minutes to go for a walk. You know, we bend over backwards to make sure our kids eat balanced meals, get enough sleep, or have their favorite snacks after soccer practice. But when was the last time you ate lunch before 2 p.m.? Or when was the last time you actually got to eat dinner sitting down and it was still hot? So, you know, self-care is not just a luxury, it is a necessity. And it's not something to feel guilty about. You're not just escaping your family, you're actually refueling so that you can enjoy them more and be there for them more. So here's how we fix that. Find one non-negotiable daily habit that refills your tank. Just one. It could be a quiet cup of coffee before the house wakes up. It can be a 10-minute walk outside after work or during your lunch break. It could even be listening to your favorite podcast, like The Huddle with Dr. Lisa Petit on the drive home. Whatever it is, we're not judging you. It can be locking yourself in the bathroom for three minutes just to breathe. But like I said, this is a judgment-free zone. But whatever it is, guard it the same way that you guard your meal times or your bedtime routine for your child. Put it on the calendar, treat it like a doctor's appointment because this is what happens when you do that. Your patience gets longer, your reactions become mindful responses, and your kids actually start seeing what a healthy balance looks like. They see as an adult, you're taking that time for yourself, and they're seeing that best version of you. So when they're adults, they are actually going to be able to learn from that pattern and imitate that. And I'll be honest, that is probably one of the best lessons you could ever model for them. So let's recap. How do we avoid these common parenting mistakes? First, you want to be consistent and follow through. Second, you want to wait until emotions calm down before you try to have a long explanation or a long talk with your child. Number three, stop the comparison game because there is no winner in that. And then number four, make sure you fill your own cup and put your own oxygen mask on so you can be there for your kids and your family. So remember, making mistakes does not make you a bad parent. If anything, it makes you a real parent, and you're just learning as we go along. Each of these can be a small change that makes a huge difference in your family, in your peace, and in your connection. So make sure you take that time out, reflect on all of these things, and we will see you next time here on the huddle with Dr. Lisa Petit.