The Huddle With Dr. Lisa Petit

From Chaos to Calm: A Strong Rhythm For School

• Lisa Petit, M.D. • Season 1 • Episode 6

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The first weeks of school can feel like juggling knives while riding a scooter—new schedules, new teachers, and kids running on low sleep and big feelings. We share a Strong Start Strategy that turns that chaos into a steady rhythm your family can count on, with easy routines, thoughtful screen limits, and homework habits that build real independence instead of nightly battles.

We start with the foundation that calms everything else: predictable routines. You’ll hear how to shift bed and wake times without drama, why a quick morning “practice run” lowers first-day friction, and how removing screens from wake-up and setting a tech sunset one to two hours before bed can radically improve focus and sleep. From there, we set up a homework system that works in the real world—quiet, stocked spaces; clear timing that respects your child’s energy; and short, purposeful practice that keeps the habit alive without stealing their childhood.

Then we dig into the parent role. Rather than hovering, we coach kids to think for themselves: let them make mistakes, use the “find one error” prompt, and give feedback with the simple sandwich method so confidence grows with competence. We replace nagging with visual checklists that kids can follow on their own, and we make space for a 15–30 minute after-school decompression that smooths the path to dinner, activities, and bedtime. Finally, we close with weekly family huddles that invite kids into problem-solving, building voice, ownership, and resilience across the year.

If this Strong Start Strategy helps, share it with a parent who could use a calmer afternoon, subscribe for more practical tools, and leave a review so others can find the show. For classes, resources, and the Screen Smart Family workbook, visit yourparentingplaybook.com.

SPEAKER_00:

Hi everyone, this is Dr. Lisa Petit. So a quick note before we jump in with this episode. So this episode was actually recorded a little bit earlier, um maybe like a month and a half ago, right around back to school season. And I just never got around to posting it because, of course, as a mom, uh, my husband and I were getting our own kids ready for back to school. Um, and things just kind of got a little crazy. So um I never got around to posting it at that time. But when I listened back, I realized the tips are still really relevant even at this point in the school year. So whether you are settling into the perfect school routine or you're already hitting that mid-semester stretch where things start to get real and real hectic, these strategies can really help. So even though it's October now, consider this your mid-year reset. All right, let's get into it. Hi everyone, and welcome back to the next episode of The Huddle with Dr. Lisa Petit. I'm Dr. Petit, and I have to tell you that this is probably one of my most exciting topics. Um, back to school season. You know, every year around this time, think back to this TV commercial that used to come on where there's a dad in a store with a grocery cart or a shopping cart, and the song The Most Wonderful Time of the Year is playing. And of course, it's August, so it's kind of catching you off guard. Then you realize as he is jubilantly going through the store, dancing on the cart, singing, they're in an office supply store, and then they the camera shows his two children standing in the aisle completely forlorn and miserable, as he is enjoying himself with the most wonderful time of the year. This commercial really hits differently when you're a parent and you realize that it's time to send the kids back to school, and there's actually a sense of relief kind of getting back into the routine of things, even though it's nice to have that summer break. But the transition from all of the fun and the laid-back atmosphere of summer to the much more structured daily routine of school can really take a big toll on families, especially kids. You have new schools, new teachers, new schedules, and there can be a lot of big feelings from both kids and parents. So, today we're going to talk about how to set your family up for a strong start to the school year. This is my strong start strategy. So, we're gonna talk about getting into our routines, boundaries, and we're even gonna talk about the great homework debate because there's definitely been a lot of talk around whether kids should have homework, how much parents should be involved with the homework, and all of those things. So, hopefully, we can avoid some of the transitional stress that takes place at the beginning of the school year. So, first let's talk about our routines. One of the best gifts that you can give your child is predictability. Anytime you have a routine, anytime you can get into a rhythm of something, it actually reduces anxiety because kids know exactly what's coming next. They know what to expect. So if school is starting up soon, then you want to make sure we're starting to get into that rhythm and start shifting bed times, shifting wake up times. You want to really do that earlier rather than later. So I recommend about a week before school starts, just maybe 15 to 30 minutes at a time, shift your bed times back so that you're doing just a little bit at a time, it's gradual, but your child is not going to bed at 1 a.m. every single night, right up until school starts. Um, it's a lot easier getting into that rhythm when you just gradually move those bed times, move those waking times back. So, you know, instead of waking up at noon every day, you're starting to gradually get back to 6 o'clock, 7 o'clock, whatever time you have to get up for school. And if you're feeling particularly determined, you can even do a few practice runs of the morning routine. So get up, get dressed, get your breakfast together, and everything like that, and then leave the house, even if you go to the library or the park or something like that, just so that you kind of get used to that getting up and out. And that way, the first day of school is not your first trial run for a new routine, especially if you're starting a new school or there are different start times for your school system. It's really important to be able to adjust to that because it's a big shock if you don't really have that transition period. One thing that I really emphasize in terms of that is to also include your screen time limits as part of that routine. I know a lot of times during the summer kids are on their tablets more, maybe um chilling and watching TV a little bit more. Um, but when we get back into the school year, obviously we sort of pull back on that. I was working with the family, had set up a behavior consultation with me. And as we went through our discussion and we were trying to figure out ways that we could create a little more structure at home, it it was discovered, or um, the mom had mentioned that one big struggle was the morning time, just getting up and out of the house. And as we continued the conversation, we realized that the biggest meltdowns came when the child was playing on the tablet or watching um videos on the mom's phone or on the parents' phone. And the child would wake up and do that while they were getting the other children ready. But then when it was time for the child himself to get ready, he didn't want to put down the tablet. He didn't want to brush his teeth or get breakfast together because, of course, all those are very boring. Why would you want to stop having fun in order to do those things? So I actually recommend that screens should not be the first thing your child sees in the morning. As a matter of fact, if we can get rid of all of the iPads and social media and phone usage in the morning, that would be great because it's really a huge slowdown when you're trying to get ready and having to keep pulling your child from the screens. I also recommend, as part of your routine, having an evening sunset or an evening bedtime for your tablets and electronics about an hour or two before bed. So if we can give your child's brain a chance to wind down before bedtime, they're gonna be able to fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer, and really get a better quality sleep. So now let's talk about homework because as you get into school, you start getting into the routines, um, it's important to talk about homework. The kids get homework after school, it's really important for them to have a consistent place where they can do their homework. Sometimes the kitchen table is great, but if there are other things going on, let's say it's an open floor plan in your house and you're at the kitchen table, but then the TV is on, sort of right nearby, and people are talking and there's a lot of distraction going on, that was not gonna be your best place for homework. If you have a desk, if you have a room that is designated, a quiet space, that is gonna be the best thing for you. I also recommend having all your supplies handy, whether it's in a basket or a little organizer or a pencil case, something like that, so that you're not hunting for pencils every time you're sitting down to do homework. So having a designated homework spot with minimal distractions that also has the supplies that you need is important and really trying to set that up before the first day of school because again, you come home from school and depending on the grade, there's gonna be some homework. So having a place already designated where you can do that is gonna be really important. Having a routine for homework is is also gonna be really helpful. So some kids work best when they come home from school and get started on homework right away. However, they're getting up early. A lot of times schools will start at 7 o'clock, 7:30, and depending on how long your commute is, sometimes kids are having to get up at 5:30, 6 o'clock in the morning, then they come home after school, and it might be 3, 4 o'clock. It's a long day. So some kids actually need to have a snack, they need to have a little bit of some downtime first, and there is nothing wrong with that. Each child is different, each person is different. So just make sure that you have that routine or a general idea of how much time is needed for the homework so that you can plan accordingly. Taking 15, 20, even 30 minutes for a snack and some rest is totally reasonable. Just make sure that you have a way to ensure that the homework gets started after that. Again, the goal is to be generally predictable, but you don't have to be perfect with it. And while we're talking about homework, there are two topics that come up that create a lot of debate with homework. One is whether the kids should have homework or not. I remember when my kids were in elementary school, the administration felt that kids are in school long enough, so homework wasn't really assigned regularly. However, when you get to middle school and high school, yeah, there's homework. Nothing has changed there. So I personally think that it's a good idea to have some level of after-school academic assignment that kids need to do just to practice what they've learned, even if it's just 15 minutes, and then they can go play or do whatever your evening activities are. But that way they get used to the idea that hey, there's something that we need to do after school, even if it's doing 10 math facts, even if it's writing a sentence about what's happened in school today, or reading a book for 10-15 minutes. Again, all of this is going to have to be adjusted for your child's grade level and their capabilities, but again, just having something there as part of a routine is going to be very helpful later on. The other part of this debate, in addition to trying to determine whether kids should or should not have homework in the first place, is how much should parents be involved with the homework? There's research that shows that the parental involvement with homework actually makes a huge difference in the effectiveness of the assignment. So if a parent tells the child, go do your homework, and then the parent is hovering over the child, saying, Oh, you made a mistake there, oh you need to do this, wait, that's not what the directions asked for. You actually aren't giving your child a chance to practice. Remember, homework is actually designed to allow your child time to practice what they've learned in school. So you have to give them an opportunity to practice it. That's gonna mean letting them make mistakes. That's going to mean letting them kind of figure things out a little bit on their own without your help. Because otherwise, they are just going to be writing down what you're telling them to write down, but then the next day they go to school, sure, they got all the problems right on their homework, but they don't understand it any more than they did the day before. And then the teacher is going to wonder, well, you did your homework, why are you not demonstrating the understanding of it? And so that is going to set your child up for a lot of confusion and angst. So the best way for parents to be involved is one, making sure that your child does it, and then when they come to you, you have an option depending again on your preference and on your comfort level. You can look at the homework, look over it just to make sure that it was reasonably done. If there are mistakes, don't do anything. You can just let the teacher take care of teaching because that's actually their job. And when the teacher is able to see the types of mistakes your child is making, that actually helps them to adjust their teaching method or adjust the assignments to maybe be able to reflect the concept that they're trying to teach. Another option that parents have when it comes to looking over homework is to look over the homework and say, This is really good, but there's one spot where we made a mistake. I want you to find that mistake. And then that way the child has to kind of go through and reassess, but then they're coming to the answer themselves. That way you're kind of letting them still work through it, but you're you're helping them a little bit. When you do go over homework, remember that the goal is not for homework to be perfect, the goal is actually to build resilience and practice and responsibility for your child as well as problem-solving skills. So don't deny them that opportunity. But when you are going over the homework, I like to also emphasize the sandwich method. So the sandwich method is a way of giving feedback where you say one thing that's positive, then you give the constructive criticism, the constructive feedback, and then you reiterate and close out with something positive. So that way you're not sounding overly critical, but you are still providing the feedback that the person needs. So, for example, you can look at their homework and say, Wow, you finished this entire worksheet. That's a really great job. There are a few things where you need to make some corrections, so why don't you go ahead and do that? But I'm really proud of this work that you did. Just by saying that, is it it can build their self-esteem. Um, I'm also a big fan of praising effort, not just the outcome. So if they worked and worked and worked on a math problem and still came to the wrong answer, but you see a lot of eraser marks, my kids know in my house that is a beautiful thing because it shows that you tried and you continue to try even when you made mistakes, because that is ultimately what's going to build their self-esteem and build their resilience later on. So we should allow homework to again do its job while also building our kids up. Here's another tip as we are preparing to get back into our back to school routine. We know that kids need reminders. When you tell your kids, hey, let's get home and do all the things you need to do, they are going to forget all the things. Um, one thing that I like to have in place are checklists. So having an evening checklist, maybe having a morning checklist, something that can serve as a visual reminder or give your child some visual cues as to what they should be doing at any given moment, especially at the beginning of the school year when they've had two to three months of not having as much structure, they're gonna need some reminders about what the school year routine is. So that can be things like okay, when we come home, we wash our hands, get a snack, take a break, and then after 30 minutes, we start our homework. Or it can be just having a little sticky note somewhere that says, Don't forget to pack your book bag for the next day, or um, don't forget to lay out your clothes, different things like that that can be very helpful. Um, don't forget your nighttime chores, you know, all of those can be really helpful in terms of letting the kids be a little bit more independent, but also keeping you as the parent from having to nag them because when parents nag, kids will tune us out, and then we get very upset because they're ignoring us, and it can create a lot more conflict, and it almost goes down the rabbit hole. And we do not want that at all, and certainly not every single day. So have these cues for your kids because that lets them feel more independent, it builds their self-esteem, and it takes the pressure off of you to have to go behind them or to remind them of every single thing that they are supposed to be doing. Because after all, our job as parents is not just to tell them what to do, but to teach them how to be able to do those things on their own. So, my next tip is really reiterating one of the statements that I mentioned during our discussion about homework. School is a long day, it is very exhausting. So I recommend for everyone, kids, parents, everyone to incorporate an after-school calm down, an after-school chill time, something where they can just come home, decompress, plan for about 15 to 30 minutes just so they can decompress before homework or before the evening activities or routines or chores. That can be a snack, that can be quiet time, that can be just unstructured play time that can sort of recharge their batteries, it can make homework go smoother, it can make your entire evening, dinner time and bedtime just go a lot smoother when they've had a little bit of time just to unwind and um not feel as structured. Again, structure is good, but too much structure can really be um can really cause a lot of pushback and and really, you know, we don't want to take away their entire childhood, but having that unstructured playtime, really minimizing the screens during that time, because again, their brain often needs a little bit of some rest too. And they these sort of things can really set you up for a much better evening just by investing 15 to 30 minutes into some mindful, intentional decompression time. And then the last tip I have for you is just to make sure that we are checking in with our kids and with our families. So we call them family meetings where you know, but sometimes you can call it a weekly huddle, a weekly check-in, just something where you can periodically check in. So after the first week of school, sit down as a family and say, hey, this was the first week of school. How do we think things went? Did things work really well? Are there some challenges that we still need to work out? And having the kids involved with it allows them to practice their problem-solving skills because one of the first things is to identify a problem. So you're allowing them an active part in that. So you're not telling them what went wrong, you're having them tell you, which means that they're also reflecting on how things are going and being very introspective as well, you know, so that they can say, Well, I could have done this better, I probably need to get up five minutes earlier to make sure I have time for breakfast, different things like that. This builds their problem-solving skills, it builds their communication skills because they learn how to communicate these frustrations and different challenges, but in a way that is respectful, that can also allow them to feel heard. Um, and then that, of course, is a very important aspect of a family and just of your child's development, feeling heard, feeling that they have a say in things, especially as they get to be adolescents and teenagers, that is a very critical part of their lives. But even for the younger kids, the first, second, third graders, and beyond, feeling like they have some control over their lives is very important. You go to school, the teacher tells you where to go, the the teacher tells you how to line up in class and all the rules and things like that, and that's great. We need that, but they also need to know that they have some say in the the day-to-day comings and goings, so that way they also kind of build their self-esteem and their and their voice. So, as we close, I just like to remind you that this strategy is not about perfection. The first week of school, no matter how well you plan it, it can definitely have some some speed bumps along the way. The whole name of the game is just having a plan in place and then some flexibility to be able to make adjustments to it. So as you head into the school year, remember it's important to have routines in place because they help your child reduce anxiety and increase predictability. It's important to allow your children some independence that's built in through the structure and maintain the connection and communication throughout the school year because it makes all of us work together better. And remember, a family is a team. So no matter what your family looks like, you have to be able to come together and set yourselves up for success. So if you found today's episode helpful, please feel free to share it with another parent who is getting ready for this back to school rush because we are all in this in this time of year. And please make sure that you subscribe to this podcast so that you don't miss any coming episodes. For more information, including my upcoming classes for the fall, make sure you head to your parentingplaybook.com for details about signing up for the classes, as well as resources like my Screen Smart Family workbook to give extra tools to be able to set yourselves up for success this school year. Thanks for tuning in and we will see you next time.