Hearts In Transition, Final Episode, thank you everyone!

I have thoroughly enjoyed recording this series but unfortunately I need to prioritise my mental health and energy with all that's going on in the world so will be stopping the podcast for now, thank you everyone!!! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello. Um hope you're good. This is me recording from my bedroom um from my microphone that I bought last summer for um this podcast that I started. I am here to announce for the tens of people that listen to this podcast probably. Oh well I'm actually nearly at a thousand listens, which is pretty cool. But uh I've decided after I got this residency in the studio and stuff it was fun and it was nice, but I think I was burning the candle at like ten different ends, and I think I have like like 13 or 14 episodes up here of different trans people, and I was like, I think that is enough to fulfil what I wanted to do with this podcast, which was um to get some education out there, get some information out there for people who were like gender questioning, or like maybe family members of trans people who needed something who needed someone there to like talk to. Sorry, is this loud enough? It's better now, I think. I don't know. It's my first time recording on Audacity. But anyway, this is a Hearts and Transition Podcast because I have not been able to keep up and as everyone knows how freaking crazy the world is right now. Um I think it's like so hard to um I think it's so hard to just try to do things. I I'm I'm working three jobs at the moment. I've started working as the programmer for the Queen Adelaide, which I think I've spoken about DJing there, and now I'm the booker, like I book all the DJs, which is a lot of work to be fair, and I have a full-time job and I'm DJing. So like the podcast was I was really struggling to keep up with it, and also the money side of it, like it was costing me £100 a month to run this, and that's like I like I need it's a lot of money to be fair. Like I was struggling, like the studio residency was like £60, and then it's £90 and then an extra £30 to run it like on all the hosted on all the different sites. I can so now all I'm gonna be paying every month is a fiver to keep these episodes on Spotify, but um yeah, it was just like I don't know. I got this thing because I think storytelling is so powerful, and I've run my own storytelling nights in London and I have one coming up, and it's great um because I think storytelling is is so important and people need to hear it and people need to hear our stories, and like I've kind of stopped doing as much TikToks and stuff because I feel like I've I spent a year doing so much of it, and I think at some point I need to like look at myself and be like, Am I ever going to start stop like chasing or working or and I'm still am working so freaking hard it's crazy, but like there needs to come a time where I'm like I need to prioritize like my health a bit and my rest. So that I thought I could do like one episode in months and stuff. But even then, I'm like my brain has like no power for anything, it's crazy. I'm just gonna pause this because I'm gonna see if it's loud enough because the waveform looks really small. Okay, we're back. It tends to be okay. Um, but yeah, so I think um this podcast has brought me so many gorgeous moments and so many like I feel like anyone who I've interviewed, I felt like close to them. Like I feel like we just like shared such a bond over the last hour or hour and a half, or like I think me and Danielle spoke for like an hour and a half, and like I learned so much about even my transitioning, and I thought it was just so interesting. And like with Yula and the last episode talking about FFS, and it's just like whoa, you know, it's really I didn't even know about it, and I was actually considering getting FFS and that conversation scared the fucking daylights out of me. I couldn't stop thinking about my face, and I don't suffer from like the with my face, I do sometimes images, but also I look at my face sometimes and I'm like, I actually don't hate my face, so um yeah, it's interesting. Surgeries and trans people, everyone has their own journey. Um but yeah, I think like I've I've gotten like a few messages. I think I read out oh no, I recorded like an episode, and then halfway through the episode, I I got rid of one of the microphones for some reason, and then it got ruined. But I was reading out a story I got from this trans woman from Ireland saying that this podcast was exactly what they needed or she needed, and that um she like gobbled up the first season and she couldn't wait for season two and stuff, and that made me like so emotional because like she was into sports and she's a musician, and I was like, that is like the nicest thing in the world that I know, and like a someone who I know to London also listened to the season and said like it really helped her as well, and like that's all I ever wanted to do, really, just like help people, and like whether it be people who are trans themselves, gender questioning, whether it be people who are trans families, whether it be any queer person, because we're all going on the same journey, obviously transitioning is a bit different to just sexuality, but it's still at the end of the day, we are all coming out and um you know being we're stepping out of the social norms and um of the heterosexual world, you know? So um yeah, it's uh it's interesting, and I've really enjoyed this podcast, so yeah. I don't need I think do I have any stories this to share before I finish not even sure. I just think most people in my life probably see how the UK is kind of affecting me at the moment and how um how uh difficult it can be um with the RTC guidance and stuff. I really struggle with that. I really struggle with just I kinda forget I'm drawn sometimes when I'm out and about and just living my life and I often very much struggle with the fact that there are like people um who are trying to like just like take away my rights and like would prefer me not being able to piss anywhere than just use a bathroom and it's it that really messes my head. Really, really does. Um I found like sports like to be sports and music production. There've been two areas where I can like completely switch off and like channel these like n this negative energy I get into something positive and into like yeah, I can just kind of clock out of of the world, which is really nice. I definitely yeah, I think the last like six months, not six, the last three months to four months I found quite difficult, and that's why I've kind of kind of stopped everything. I've like not been running translate, I just ran I want to translate on Saturday and it was amazing. But yeah, just interesting. It's been hard. I feel I feel I'm sure any trans person here listening um in the UK can resonate with how it's been. Um and yeah, I just need to try and like free up my calendar really and just like prioritize some like quiet time because I think when I was doing the studio thing, it was a lot of work and like yeah, it was just a lot to work, and although it's fun and I could yap for people, I just need to prioritize and I'm so broke. So I mean I've worked three jobs and I'm absolutely skinned. No, I'm skinned because I'm having a good time as well. I went on holidays to Croatia. Also, that was really nice. I did a TikTok about like being trans and going on holidays and with my best friends and stuff, and there were trans people commenting, being like, Oh my god, like I've always been terrified to go on holidays, and yeah, I totally get it. I've I was terrified to go on holidays and I my friends like I go with them and there's always a massive group of us, so I feel safe. And now I'm feeling confident. Now I feel like I probably go by myself. But I've only gotten there after three holidays, so yeah. I'm also speaking at Shanaquilla next week at all together now. For my third year in a row, which actually this podcast wouldn't be happening without Shanakia, because that's where that's the storytelling thing I spoke about at the start of the season, season one. Because I never yeah, that's what that's what introduced me to storytelling and also introduced me to like it just made me realize it I just gave me a different relationship in my transition to the point where I could like it like I found it so healing, like being able to open up about my experience because I held it in for so many years and now I tell everyone, which is great. Um Okay, I'm just yapping here, so I'm gonna wrap it up. But if you have listened to the episodes on this series, and maybe I'll do it again, I don't know, but I think every episode there has like a different purpose and is so educational and all people's life journeys and getting to where they are today. And it was really beautiful and I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm so happy I did it, and I'm so happy it's gonna be there forever now, and like I hope trans people will find it every in at any random time and it's just there for to help people basically and um it was a really fun experience and um getting a residency in in a studio like obviously it's on it wasn't like free, but like going I think in an hour should have cost like £250 and I was getting three hours of £60 for this like banged studio with like HD camera and stuff, which I didn't really use because I tried for the first episode and I was like, whoa, it's it's like too feckin' hard. I was like, I'm not trained for this, and then it's always happening to like outsource video editors and it was just so expensive. So maybe if someone was to um if anyone out there who wants to sponsor me, kind of just sponsor me 90 pounds a month, and then maybe I could continue to do this. Maybe it's for a good cause. Um but as for now, it is over. Um, but yeah, thanks so much to everyone who listened. Honestly, it's kinda gas, like my whole come out story is just on Spotify. Oh, I wonder what Cura's history is. Let's just look at Spotify and we can find it. Which is so funny. But also, I hope that story. I got a message from a girl from Cork who my friend's sister, I was like, I was crying on the train listening to that, and I was like, that's beautiful. That's what I mean. Stories like affect people and in a positive way, and it's good to share our stories. And yeah, I'm just I'll I'll I have one more thing before I go. Next week, Anakin, I'm telling a story about my dog, so the theme is identity, and I'm telling a story about my dog, um, and how uh when I saw before I transitioned, like I was depressed as hell. I probably spoke about this in the story that I just talked about. I was parody angry and and the only thing that was like keeping me any bit sane, my dog. He would like make me get out of bed, and he would make me go for walks with him, and he would actually give me so much serotonin from just like looking at his face, and he was so happy, and I loved him. And then I left after COVID and it broke my heart, but then I was coming back and I was trans, and I'm talking about like how coming home to Cork and now my interactions with humans became quite difficult and awkward, and everyone would tiptoe around me and like everyone or people I'll go into town and people would be so awkward as we're like going, God, a tranny?

unknown 12:00

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 12:03

And you know, that was really difficult. But then my dog would always treat me the same, and that's what I'm talking about. Maybe I'll come on and read it here, I don't know. But my dog, um, it's my best friend, and he provides me a safe space at home. Not that at home it's in a safe space, like I love my family, but I mean like a complete space where it's just me and him. He doesn't know about any gender I am, he just knows that me and him have been friends for his whole life, and that's beautiful. And we just we just be children, you know. He wakes me up in the morning when I go home, hops to my bed, we cuddle, we lie there, and then I take my walks, and he's like so happy, and I'm just like, then it's the best time, isn't it? Where you know we're we're just pals, you know. Ben could be trans too, and I wouldn't even know. Because he can't tell me, but maybe that's the thing, it doesn't matter. Okay, 13 minutes. Thank you so much. God, maybe like I just yap, it's crazy. Um thanks so much to everyone who listened. This is Kira checking out of the Hearts and Transition podcast for probably the last time. Unless you know, does anyone who maybe wants to sponsor me? I don't do it well, I don't do enough marketing for this to be sponsored. But it's just um it's like yeah, it's just uh yeah, to the whole point of it by the way was to just like be a chill thing for the community, so that's what it was, I guess. Um I actually also have this microphone for music production, which is great. So I didn't buy it in vain. Also I have like 15 episodes, of course I didn't buy it in vain. Okay, lots of love guys. If you want to follow me on Instagram, if you want to keep up with my life, DJ underscore C E E underscore K, that's where I am. Drew DJ, up and coming DJ. If you want to if you're learning to DJ and you're looking for a gig, I'm the booker for a queer venue in London. I don't play like technomusic, we don't play technomusic there, but we play kind of queer vibes, you know. But like if you want any opportunities, you get on to me. And yeah. Um that is all. Okay, I'm gonna shut myself up. Bye. And thank you again forever.