Ep 02 - Healing Not Hiding II: Living Uncovered

This is a re-recording: 

In this episode of the Health Healing and Hope Podcast, host Natiki Hope Pressley shares her gratitude for the listeners of her first episode and delves deeper into the theme of 'healing, not hiding.' Natiki discusses her healing journey following a cancer diagnosis, treatment, and extensive surgery, emphasizing that healing is a continuous process. She explores the reasons why people hide their true selves—such as fear of judgment, shame, and societal expectations—and how this hinders genuine connection, peace, and personal growth. Natiki introduces a five-step approach, called the G.R.A.C.E. (TM) approach (Guidance, Reflection, Affirmation, Clarity, Encouragement), to help listeners live uncovered. She encourages listeners to acknowledge their hidden truths and share them with trusted individuals. The episode closes with a call for listeners to share their personal 'healing, not hiding' stories and a reminder that true healing involves living openly and authentically.

Transcript

Natiki: 0:00

hello, and welcome back to Health Healing and Hope. I'm your host, Natiki Hope Pressley. Thank you so much for joining me. Thank you so much for all of you who listened to my first episode. I'm so grateful for your time, for your email and text messages, and of course your kind words. A lot of you said it feels like a personal conversation and I wanna keep that going. I was particularly moved when you shared that my personal story encouraged you, and some of you expressed a desire to share your own stories as well. I wanna say this clearly, this podcast is for you. And as long as I'm helping, I'll be here every week. I see you. I hear you. And I'm also here for you. So just in case, I wanna say that I am not a licensed therapist, but I am a healing expert with many years of experience. Too many mention. I like most of you, I've been through tremendous life challenges, and I've spent many years going through the process of rebuilding, being restored, and of course being healed. This podcast was born out of my healing journey. I'm pulling out pages from my healing story and I'm sharing them with you. This is a conversation with you. So today we're gonna dig a little deeper. Let's recap. A little bit about what happened on the first episode of healing, not hiding. In the episode, I shared my story. I talked about the still small voice. That nudge that says something's just not right, and that led to a diagnosis of cancer, chemotherapy, radiation, and an extensive surgery. All that changed in my life forever and my decision to stop hiding. And start healing. But here's the truth, even after you decide to stop hiding, it's not instant. It is a process and sometimes without even realizing it, we still keep some doors closed. There's still a wall up. Maybe we're peeking over the top of it. Even in the process of healing, we're still closing off some areas of our lives, keeping them protected from whatever we think might be attempting to expose them. Today's conversation is about what happens after you take that first brave step. It's about learning to live uncovered and how we make that intentional step towards a more honest, open, and hope filled life. Let's start with why we hide. Let's be honest. Hiding is human right. We hide for so many reasons, fear of judgment. If people knew the truth about me, would they still accept me? Would they still love me? Or maybe, it's shame. Something that happened to you or something you did to someone else, and we're hiding these scars because we don't want people to fully see us, or maybe we're just protecting ourselves. We're thinking that if we keep all of this inside, if we keep it all close, it won't hurt as much. If people don't truly see me, then they can't reject me. That need for acceptance can sometimes cause us to do some stupid things, make some bad decisions, and sometimes we're just morphing into something that we're not. Just to satisfy other people, just to make other people comfortable. I'll tell you what. Those people most of the time are doing exactly what you're doing. They're not being their whole selves either. But when we decide, you and I decide to open up and be our authentic self, we give other people the opportunity to do the same. It ignites a fire of truth and honesty. Maybe sometimes we're protecting other people. We don't want to be a burden. I don't wanna put this on my family and friends or colleagues, but again, are we protecting people or are we just still back to being afraid of judgment, afraid that we're not gonna be accepted? Because, society also tells us that we have to just be strong and put on a good face. Don't cry in public. Don't let people see your emotions. Don't reveal your weaknesses. Just keep it all together. We're told to wear a mask instead of exposing our true face. The problem is that hiding doesn't make the pain go away. It doesn't change your circumstance. Not telling people how you feel or showing people your true self doesn't change anything. Hiding just isolates you. It keeps you stuck. It keeps you in survival mode instead of moving forward. You're just stagnant. Nothing's changing, you're not getting better, and you're paying a very high price to keep hiding. What does it cost you to wear that mask? When you pretend that you're okay and you're not, most of the time, that cost us real connection because people can't fully know you if they only see parts of you. If you're protecting parts of yourself from people, then you're also protecting yourself from people. It certainly cost you peace. Because you're always holding your breath hoping that no one notices, no one sees you. You're waiting to find out if they can see through your mask. It costs you growth'cause you can't heal what you won't acknowledge. Let me say that again. You can't heal what you won't acknowledge. You can't be better if you're not willing to admit that you need to get better, or here's another way you can't solve any problem that you're not willing to admit exists. I'll tell you a quick story. I'm allergic to paper and I'm not talking about the material that paper is made from. I'm talking about. Just paper. Just a piece of paper bothers me. And for a long time I would just, get mail, junk mail sometimes, and I put it in a drawer and just say, I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna look at it. I don't wanna think about it. Obviously that drawer just started to fill it with a lot of paper and then eventually became overwhelming. But I wasn't willing to admit that the real issue was that. I just wasn't ready to deal with whatever was said in that mail ever was in those letters, bills, et cetera, whatever it was, I just wasn't ready to deal with it. Of course, that's counterproductive, but at the time I wasn't ready to admit that there was a problem. And that's why we're having these conversations now, because I know what it's like to not address a thing, to not acknowledge my need or to pretend something doesn't exist. Or to avoid something because I just don't have the capacity. Now when it comes to talking to people and sharing how you feel about things, I'm not saying you have to, just walk up to people and tell'em your whole story. I think that's extreme, and it doesn't start with being honest with other people. It starts with being honest with yourself. Because if you can't be honest with yourself, you can't be honest with anybody else, and that's one of the hardest things to do is just be honest with you, what's really going on with me? What's going on with me in this paper? That's how that whole sin story began, right? You remember the Bible story of Adam and Eve in the garden, and once they became aware of the knowledge of good and evil, they hid themselves not acknowledging what was going on with them and the choices that they have made. Eve listening to the serpent. And then when God walks into the garden in the cool of the day and he says, Adam, hey, what's up with you? That's my version. What's up with you, Adam? And he was ready to blame the woman. She did it. And woman says, Uhuh the serpent. It's his fault. We're starting to blame. They're hiding. And they're blaming. They're not acknowledging the choices that they made. They're not acknowledging the decisions that they made. Because that's an important question that we need to ask. When we find ourselves hiding and blaming, it's time to say, what's up with me? What am I hiding from, and why do I feel the need to hide? Let's talk about the uncovering process. Adam and E was in the garden and they decided to cover up ashamed. What does it look like when we finally decide that we're gonna toss away the fear, the shame, the judgment, the need for acceptance, the protection of others, and all of that stuff, and we're gonna put it all away and we're gonna live uncovered. What does that look like for you? What did it look like for me? Unhiding didn't happen in one big moment. It happened in these small, mostly uncomfortable steps by saying, first I'm not okay. Houston, we have a problem. You know how it goes when somebody asks you, how you doing? What's, how you going? How's it going? What's going on with you? And you go, I'm good. I'm good. Everything's good. I'm blessed and highly favored, which you are. I am. We are. However, I'm learning that there's something more to that. While you're blessed in highly favor, hashtag Blessed. This is true. It's an ultimate truth. We are empowered to succeed and we have been given, we have been endowed with these wonderful divine rights. Air, sunlight, and water and all these things we need to live. So we are certainly blessed. But that's an ultimate truth. But that's not what keeps us stuck, and that's certainly not what makes us hide. It's not believing the truth. And here's what I mean. So when someone asks you how you doing? And you say, oh yeah, I'm blessed and I'm good, I'm doing good. But if I don't believe it, if I don't believe that I'm blessed, then I'm just saying it's like a scripted response. And I believe we do all of that. I'm good. I'm great and everything's good. To avoid having real conversation. So here's what I suggest. It's just a suggestion. I suggest we find people that we trust, our trusted friends and family in our support circle. We tell them the truth, we start there. Tell them the truth. Like I said, I'm not saying go around, tell anybody your business, that's a bad idea. But those people who love you, who support you, who don't judge you, who are there for you unconditionally, yeah, you should tell them the truth. Maybe just say, I'm not okay. Consider allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Ask for help instead of pretending that you can handle everything. I got it. I got this. For me saying, I don't need help, or I don't wanna be helped. That comes from being hurt. I've had situations where I've asked people for something or asked people for help, and I didn't like the way it worked out. They made me feel bad for asking, and so now I decided I'm not gonna ever ask anybody for help. I'm gonna do it myself because I really just didn't wanna be hurt again. So we do all of that to avoid being hurt. We're saying that we got it when we don't, to avoid being hurt. Or maybe we can just try writing it down. Try writing it down journal. Write down your truth in a journal. Do it without censorship. Say it exactly the way you wanna say it. One of the things I love about writing in a journal and sharing my story in that way is that I don't get any response back. I don't get any commentary, and I'm not waiting for someone else to tell me what they think about what I share. You get a chance to just write without judgment, without having to craft it so that someone else understands what I'm trying to say. Write it down or maybe just say it out loud, an audio journal. I have a little tip for you. I used to do something called a walk and talk. It really was effective. And a walk and talk is when I would take my cell phone and my headphones and I would take a walk in the park. I put those headphones on and turn on my voice memo, and I would just start talking. Whatever came out, whatever was on my mind at the time, it can start with, dear God, or you know what? You know what I'm not gonna do anymore? I'm not letting people, whatever it was, and it was really helpful. I know for onlookers they thought I was having a very deep one-sided telephone conversation, but for me it was therapy. I got a chance to walk and get some exercise, but also got a chance to just let my thoughts out. Get them outside of my head and then I would listen to them again, maybe a week or so later and just evaluate what was going on in my mind at the time. And it has a great way of helping me with reflection as well. These are not easy steps. They can be if you just. Put away all of those misconceptions about things, or all the reasons why you can't or shouldn't, or all the time you don't have to spare. You got time for you. I remember we're working on getting better. We're all just trying to get better. That's the goal. We're taking steps towards better, to be better today than we were yesterday and better tomorrow than we are today. That's it. That's the goal. But when I look at those steps that I've mentioned, saying it out loud or writing it down, talking to trusted friends, asking for help instead of pretending that I'm okay. Yeah, they weren't easy, but. It was necessary. They got easier. Once I started making a decision that it was important enough, when I prioritized it, yeah, it became easier. But this is a work in progress. We all are. I'm just getting to a place where I can consistently say I'm not okay when I'm not. Help me with something that I was gifted with and it's called the Grace approach. We certainly receive grace from God, but we also need to give ourselves grace. But this is a nice combination of the two. This is an acronym and G is guidance, seeking guidance from God and people of wisdom and our is reflection. Remember we talked about the time in the garden where God says to Adam, where are you? His response was a reflection that he had to consider the question, and then he had to answer it honestly. And a is affirmation, speaking life into myself. What are the things that you say when the lies get loud? When those lies become loud and they do, lies I'm not enough. I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough. I'm not gonna ever be well, I'm not gonna be healed. I'm not gonna be healthy. I'm never gonna be fit. This is too hard. And I've tried that before and it didn't work. When those lies happen, what do you say back? What do you say back you have to fight lies with truth. So whether it's affirmation, scripture, or whatever you choose, you have to have them ready. C is for clarity. It's identifying what I truly want from my healing journey. It involves setting clear goals. What is it that I'm trying to accomplish? What is being healed in this area look like? Because honestly, there's no instruction manual here. People, we don't always know exactly what things are gonna look like, how they're gonna turn out. It reminds me of doing those puzzles when I was a kid. I still like doing puzzles, by the way, and you have all these pieces in a box and on the top of the box there's a picture of what it's supposed to look like. So all these pieces, when they put together, this is what it's supposed to look like. But in life we don't. We don't have that. We don't get to see the full picture. Only God knows the whole picture. We just have the pieces and we're just trying to put together these puzzle pieces, trying to make sense of each piece, putting things where we think they belong, but we need help with that. We need to seek wisdom and guidance so that we can see the picture. We need clarity. We need vision. Because I believe the more that we see, the more clear the goals become. Those pieces start to make more sense. When you can see the vision, you can see what it looks like in completion, and E is for encouragement. Which is about surrounding yourself with people who fuel your hope, people who light the fire in you, or keep the fire lit for you. So every time it dims out, they offer something else to keep the hope alive. We need that. We all need that. We need support. So here's some things I want you to do. If you're ready to stop hiding, here are three practices for this week. Now, if you're not ready, there's no judgment. If you're not ready, that's okay, but if you're ready, here are the three practices. Number one name, one truth that you've been hiding, one thing that you've been afraid to reveal, and I'm not saying go and run around telling everybody your business. I said that before. It's not a good idea. But what's the one thing that you've just been avoiding? Perhaps number two, check your response when you say it, how does that make you feel? When I was finally able to tell people about what was going on with me after I received my diagnosis, I wasn't transparent. I was just. Sharing with a few people, only shared it with those people who I felt needed to know, so on a need to know basis. When I got honest with myself about what was going on with me and I checked in on how I was feeling about it, then how I shared it became a little different. Especially at the height of my healing process.'cause if you're dealing with a health issue right now, illness, disease, mental, physical, emotional, whatever area you're struggling with, you need to do a self check. Just check in with you. Being honest with yourself about where you are in your process and what you need from your support circle. And number three, just replace your mask with some honesty. Take the mask off in that area, uncover that space. Maybe you're struggling with depression privately, or maybe you're dealing with grief. You lost someone and it's still hurting, and you don't know how to allow yourself to grieve. Or maybe you're someone like me who something was going on inside of your body and it was some kind of nudge that tells you something's not right. But you won't allow yourself to say, I need to get this checked out now. I'm asking you to go ahead and get it checked out, make the appointment, take action, respond to your need. I wanna hear from you. I've been talking for a long time already. I had to share all these points because I didn't wanna leave you with just my story. I'm glad to share my story with you, and I'm grateful that you listened, and I'm certainly grateful for your comments, but I'm more interested in hearing from you. Send me your healing, not hiding moments. Whether they're small or big moments, they all matter. You can message me on social media, on my Facebook page at Health Healing and Hope, and you know what? I may even feature your story in the future episode with your written consent. Of course, here are some of our reflections for this week. Healing is not about erasing your scars. It's about learning to live without hiding them. The healing is not about the wound. The wound could be healed, but you're not. It could appear that things are all better, but under the surface you're still hurting. There are still areas that need to be healed. And maybe there's some scars left. Like me, I have several scars that remain, my wounds have healed, but I'm still healing. I'm still healing from the experience, from the trauma of the experience. But I wanna tell you, you are worthy of being seen fully and without apology, with scars and everything. Your wounds remind you that you made it through the battle. You're still here. So take a breath, take a moment, and remember you're not alone. Until next week, be well. Be strong, be you.