WEBVTT 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:00.880 Good to be with you today. 00:00:00.959 --> 00:00:10.560 And if you are visiting, as mentioned, my name is Pastor Ryan, uh one of the the pastors here at Impact, and uh excited to could to be continuing this series that we kicked off last week. 00:00:10.720 --> 00:00:13.119 Uh Pastor James did a great job opening up. 00:00:13.199 --> 00:00:18.480 Uh, we've called the series Solid Ground, and this is our our family series for this year. 00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:28.399 Uh, and excited to to just let the Lord do what I know only He can do over the weeks ahead as we go through the great Sermon on the Mount that Jesus preached. 00:00:28.480 --> 00:00:32.719 Uh that's why it's great, because it came from Jesus in Matthew chapters five through seven. 00:00:32.799 --> 00:00:36.240 So if you have your Bibles, you can open to Matthew chapter five. 00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:39.280 Quick question: Does anybody here have a family? 00:00:40.719 --> 00:00:41.359 All right. 00:00:41.679 --> 00:00:42.079 Great. 00:00:42.240 --> 00:00:43.840 Then this series is for you. 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:48.799 And if you have a family, then I can also assume you are familiar with conflict. 00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:49.359 Yeah? 00:00:50.000 --> 00:00:50.240 Right? 00:00:50.399 --> 00:00:55.840 Because anybody who lives with others and shares life with them, conflict is inevitable. 00:00:56.000 --> 00:01:02.079 One of my favorite things as we go through pre-marriage counseling with young couples who are about to become husband and wife. 00:01:02.240 --> 00:01:08.239 One of my favorite things is coming in and walking them through potential conflict that they're going to face. 00:01:08.480 --> 00:01:18.799 It also cracks me up when I will actually meet with couples who are so Twitter painted, so in love, and nothing that their loved one will ever do could ever be wrong. 00:01:18.959 --> 00:01:22.799 And I'll ask them, all right, well, tell me about an argument you guys have had. 00:01:22.959 --> 00:01:26.879 And I've actually had couples tell me, well, we've never had an argument. 00:01:27.840 --> 00:01:31.120 And in that moment, I just say, you need to leave. 00:01:32.640 --> 00:01:34.560 I've got nothing for you right now. 00:01:34.719 --> 00:01:39.200 So go find something to fight about, and then let's come back and talk through it. 00:01:40.319 --> 00:01:43.760 We have seasons where we begin feeling, oh, they're not going to do anything wrong ever. 00:01:43.840 --> 00:01:45.040 It's going to be so amazing. 00:01:45.120 --> 00:01:47.519 And we're just going to live happily ever after. 00:01:47.599 --> 00:01:59.439 But as we're in family relationships, living them out, as the storms in life come, it exposes the foundation that our families and our homes are built upon. 00:01:59.680 --> 00:02:08.159 And this is what Pastor James opened up with last week as we talked about this little parable Jesus gives us at the end of this Sermon on the Mount. 00:02:08.639 --> 00:02:10.719 Between the wise and the foolish builders. 00:02:10.960 --> 00:02:11.599 You guys remember this? 00:02:11.759 --> 00:02:12.479 It was a week ago. 00:02:12.560 --> 00:02:13.360 Do you guys remember this? 00:02:13.599 --> 00:02:13.919 Okay. 00:02:14.159 --> 00:02:17.759 Wise and foolish builders and how the storms inevitably come. 00:02:17.919 --> 00:02:20.960 We can't do anything to keep the storms away. 00:02:21.199 --> 00:02:30.240 But what we can do is make sure our home and our family relationships are built upon solid ground, built upon the rock. 00:02:30.479 --> 00:02:31.599 And what is the rock? 00:02:31.759 --> 00:02:35.120 It is obedience to the teachings of Jesus. 00:02:35.360 --> 00:02:39.280 Guys, I know some of you here today are going through it, man. 00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:47.199 And every storm that has ever come your way into your family has wreaked havoc on those relationships. 00:02:47.439 --> 00:03:00.800 It has added tension and conflict and stress into your marriage, your parenting, your sibling relationships, your relationship with parents, and you're just stressed out constantly, trying to figure out how to fix things. 00:03:01.039 --> 00:03:03.840 Usually that means trying to fix your spouse. 00:03:04.639 --> 00:03:08.319 And here's how I can make things better with them because clearly they're the problem. 00:03:08.479 --> 00:03:09.039 I'm fine. 00:03:09.759 --> 00:03:10.080 Right? 00:03:10.159 --> 00:03:17.680 And we go about it our way, doing everything we know how to make things better, but it doesn't get better, does it? 00:03:17.840 --> 00:03:19.280 It just gets worse. 00:03:19.520 --> 00:03:24.400 And year after year, we see our house crumbling and we don't know what to do. 00:03:24.560 --> 00:03:29.439 The problem isn't necessarily the house, it's the foundation. 00:03:29.759 --> 00:03:38.479 That we are not living in obedience to the teachings of Jesus, specifically the teachings of the great sermon on the mount, right? 00:03:38.560 --> 00:03:51.520 That's when he told the parable of the wise and foolish builder after telling us all of these things of how to live in a kingdom way, how to experience interpersonal relationships, the way that he has designed them to be experienced. 00:03:51.759 --> 00:03:55.280 So are we going to build our families on that foundation? 00:03:55.520 --> 00:04:00.319 Today, we're going to be talking about anger and conflict. 00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:02.080 You know, I asked if you had a family. 00:04:02.319 --> 00:04:05.199 Anybody here ever been angry with someone in your family? 00:04:06.000 --> 00:04:06.719 Three of you. 00:04:06.960 --> 00:04:07.599 Great. 00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:12.800 Those three of you, this is for you today. 00:04:13.599 --> 00:04:15.680 Rest of us, feel free to go grab some in and out. 00:04:15.759 --> 00:04:16.959 I don't know what we're doing in. 00:04:19.199 --> 00:04:23.519 I could even ask how many of you have ever been angry with a person you're sitting next to. 00:04:26.079 --> 00:04:28.480 How many are angry with them right now? 00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:37.920 As for many of us, anger is our family baseline, isn't it? 00:04:38.560 --> 00:04:41.360 It's just kind of our norm at this point. 00:04:42.240 --> 00:04:55.920 We are constantly hurt, constantly disappointed, consistently feeling mistreated, underappreciated, which leads to built-up and pent-up anger. 00:04:57.040 --> 00:05:08.319 And that anger may build up to a point where we blow a gasket and just lose it on everybody and start yelling and screaming and doing whatever we do when we're angry. 00:05:08.480 --> 00:05:13.759 Maybe it's just the silent killer of becoming cold and callous and shutting down. 00:05:14.560 --> 00:05:25.839 Or maybe that anger continues to boil beneath the surface and becomes this seething thing that slowly releases through bitterness and resentment and biting sarcasm. 00:05:26.480 --> 00:05:30.720 Whatever it may be, it damages intimacy, doesn't it? 00:05:31.360 --> 00:05:38.639 It breaches trust and erodes that foundation of trust that is necessary to healthy relationships. 00:05:39.199 --> 00:05:43.439 And it contributes even to generational trauma within our families. 00:05:43.680 --> 00:05:59.199 Studies consistently show that kids who are exposed to intense parental anger are at higher risk for developing anxiety and depression and even aggressive behaviors themselves. 00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:05.199 Anger has a very damaging effect even on us as individuals. 00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:21.120 Prolonged exposure to the stress hormones that accompany anger, they've shown destroys neurons in the areas of the brain associated with judgment, short-term memory, and even a weakened immune system. 00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:26.879 So anger can be an incredibly self-destructive and family-destroying thing. 00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:30.959 Now, by nature, anger is an emotion of protection, isn't it? 00:06:31.120 --> 00:06:33.120 It's about self-preservation. 00:06:33.279 --> 00:06:41.839 It equips me to fight against any kind of threat that may be coming my way, fight against injustice or mistreatment or danger. 00:06:42.160 --> 00:06:59.680 It's a natural defense mechanism that really floods my system with adrenaline and cortisol and the things that hyper uh make me hyper-vigilant and even strengthen me to be able to battle against whatever I need to fight against to protect myself and preserve myself. 00:06:59.920 --> 00:07:11.120 Anger also has triggers, things that we develop over the years based on past hurts and past disappointments, where something becomes identified as a threat. 00:07:11.199 --> 00:07:15.920 And we may have a trigger where we feel like we overreact in certain situations. 00:07:16.079 --> 00:07:17.439 Can I encourage you guys today? 00:07:17.600 --> 00:07:19.519 There's no such thing as an overreaction. 00:07:19.600 --> 00:07:20.480 Did you know that? 00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:26.160 So when you see your spouse overreacting, never say, Why are you overreacting? 00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:31.040 That trigger only points to something bigger that they're reacting to. 00:07:31.199 --> 00:07:33.680 And it's about understanding what that may be. 00:07:33.920 --> 00:07:39.920 Yeah, just recently to be a little vulnerable here, my wife, Tracy and I, we got into a little bit of an argument and it didn't start that way. 00:07:40.079 --> 00:07:41.839 Funny how that happens, isn't it? 00:07:42.160 --> 00:08:01.439 We were kind of joking around about stuff, and we were kind of recognizing about, you know, our kids, they're older now and they're coming back home from college, and now I'm back in my routine of constantly flipping off lights and making sure that we're saving on electricity and making sure the showers aren't running too long, so I don't drown in debt just from the water bill. 00:08:01.920 --> 00:08:09.360 So we're talking about all these things, and one of the things that got brought up was how a toilet seat will or the lid will occasionally be left up. 00:08:10.399 --> 00:08:11.360 And I'm like, yeah. 00:08:11.519 --> 00:08:13.920 I'm like, aren't you glad that I don't do that? 00:08:14.160 --> 00:08:17.040 And she goes, Well, sometimes you do. 00:08:17.759 --> 00:08:19.040 Innocent comment. 00:08:19.279 --> 00:08:20.879 I was ready for war. 00:08:22.639 --> 00:08:26.000 Something happened in me, and it was so weird. 00:08:26.319 --> 00:08:33.840 I got angry that she would dare accuse me of leaving the top lid of the toilet up. 00:08:34.159 --> 00:08:41.200 Because I remember reading something years ago about fecal matter when the toilet flushes, and I'm like, that's disgusting. 00:08:41.360 --> 00:08:45.279 So I close that thing every time and flush and run out of there. 00:08:46.159 --> 00:08:48.080 So I knew I never left it up. 00:08:48.159 --> 00:08:50.159 And she dare accuse me? 00:08:50.559 --> 00:08:51.840 I got so mad. 00:08:52.080 --> 00:08:53.360 It's ridiculous. 00:08:53.600 --> 00:08:54.960 I had to pray through this. 00:08:55.039 --> 00:08:57.919 I ended the conversation because I'm not going to fight about a toilet lid. 00:08:58.799 --> 00:09:01.200 But I was like, Lord, what is going on? 00:09:01.440 --> 00:09:04.559 What was this trigger pointing to, revealing in me? 00:09:04.720 --> 00:09:06.240 And here's what the Lord showed me. 00:09:06.480 --> 00:09:11.919 Early on in our marriage, I did a lot worse than leave toilet lids up. 00:09:12.240 --> 00:09:13.519 I wasn't helpful. 00:09:13.679 --> 00:09:14.799 I wasn't contributing. 00:09:14.960 --> 00:09:18.960 I wasn't supporting my wife and different areas that she needed support in. 00:09:19.039 --> 00:09:23.279 And so I felt like I was failing as a husband and even as a dad. 00:09:23.440 --> 00:09:34.399 And it was these feelings of insecurity that I had to work through and let the grace of God shape, transform, change me into the husband and father that I knew he wanted me to be. 00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:42.080 And so when this comment came my way, there was this lie that got triggered that tapped into those feelings of inadequacy. 00:09:42.559 --> 00:09:45.039 That I was failing as a husband again. 00:09:45.279 --> 00:09:48.559 And my wife noticed I wasn't putting the lid down all the time. 00:09:48.720 --> 00:09:58.159 Instead of stepping back and understanding who I am as a man and as a husband and a father has very little to nothing to do with my toilet lid habits. 00:09:59.679 --> 00:10:04.080 That was the enemy trying to trigger and stir something in me to create conflict. 00:10:04.320 --> 00:10:04.639 Right? 00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:11.679 So anger is a natural thing that sometimes we don't even understand why we react and feel the anger that we feel. 00:10:11.919 --> 00:10:13.440 But it's always tied to something. 00:10:13.600 --> 00:10:14.799 Matthew chapter 5. 00:10:15.039 --> 00:10:17.600 Can we just look together at what Jesus has to say about anger? 00:10:17.679 --> 00:10:18.559 And guys, let me do this. 00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:20.879 Before we read, can I just pray for us? 00:10:21.519 --> 00:10:27.440 Because as we talk about this, we can talk all day long and we can leave here and continue to go, yeah, you know what? 00:10:27.600 --> 00:10:28.799 The anger thing, that's real. 00:10:28.960 --> 00:10:31.679 And we look at our spouse going, you shouldn't be so angry. 00:10:33.039 --> 00:10:36.799 This message is for you, but it's for every one of us in here today. 00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:42.399 Lord Jesus, I want to recognize those filters and those potential triggers here this morning. 00:10:44.159 --> 00:10:57.919 I want to recognize too, as you know, how easily we can just close ourselves off, be unwilling to allow your spirit to do the work in us, to bring the freedom to us that we need. 00:10:58.960 --> 00:11:03.279 And so I pray, Spirit of God, that you will do your work today. 00:11:04.159 --> 00:11:16.799 That you will give us the grace we need to open ourselves to you, open our hearts to you, as ugly and dark and and as miserable as that anger we've been holding on to may seem. 00:11:17.759 --> 00:11:27.440 That you give us the strength we need to face it today, to acknowledge it, and Lord, most importantly, to surrender it to you. 00:11:29.039 --> 00:11:31.360 Vengeance is yours, not ours. 00:11:32.320 --> 00:11:36.879 And may it lead to freedom that brings health to our relationships and family. 00:11:37.600 --> 00:11:39.600 So speak to us, Jesus, in your name. 00:11:39.840 --> 00:11:40.480 Amen. 00:11:40.960 --> 00:11:42.159 Matthew chapter 5. 00:11:42.240 --> 00:11:46.000 Let me read verse 21, the words of Jesus. 00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:55.200 You have heard that it was said to those of old, you shall not murder, and whoever murders will be liable to judgment. 00:11:55.440 --> 00:12:01.360 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment. 00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:07.679 Whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council or the Sanhedrin, the Jewish governing body. 00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:12.960 And whoever says you fool will be liable to the hell of fire. 00:12:14.399 --> 00:12:17.039 Jesus comes out of the gate swinging, doesn't he? 00:12:17.360 --> 00:12:24.399 Making sure that he's hitting head on what has been a destructive influence to the foundation of our families. 00:12:24.639 --> 00:12:25.759 You've heard that it was said. 00:12:25.840 --> 00:12:29.440 I love this juxtaposition that he's going to give us the next couple of weeks here. 00:12:29.759 --> 00:12:31.440 You've heard it said to those of old, right? 00:12:31.519 --> 00:12:34.159 Through the Ten Commandments, you shall not murder. 00:12:34.240 --> 00:12:37.919 This was the sixth commandment of Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5. 00:12:38.399 --> 00:12:42.720 This moral code of justice and what is right, meant to govern society. 00:12:42.879 --> 00:12:46.399 I think it's important here as we read through the Sermon on the Mount to keep this in mind. 00:12:46.639 --> 00:12:53.120 What Jesus is doing is not undoing the social laws of governance that God gave to his people. 00:12:53.360 --> 00:12:57.200 Because there is justice in an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. 00:12:57.360 --> 00:13:00.960 Whoever is murdering is going to be liable for judgment. 00:13:01.519 --> 00:13:05.279 There is justice in that that we need to preserve in society. 00:13:05.440 --> 00:13:06.639 But guys, hear this. 00:13:06.960 --> 00:13:14.960 If justice is what we are seeking in our marriage and family relationships, you will not have a healthy marriage and family. 00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:22.240 Because healthy families in the kingdom of God are predicated upon and built upon grace and forgiveness. 00:13:22.480 --> 00:13:32.480 And until we embrace that and understand that, we will be demanding justice and payment, equity from one another, and that's all our relationship will consist of. 00:13:33.279 --> 00:13:38.240 Interpersonal relationships function on a different plane according to Christ. 00:13:38.480 --> 00:13:41.279 He said, You have heard it said, you shall not murder. 00:13:41.360 --> 00:13:45.039 But I say to you, in other words, he's about to show us a better way. 00:13:45.200 --> 00:13:46.320 And what is the better way? 00:13:46.480 --> 00:13:50.879 Everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment. 00:13:51.360 --> 00:14:04.240 Now you may have a translation of scripture based on different ancient manuscripts that adds two words, a little phrase here, where it says, Anyone who is angry with his brother without cause. 00:14:04.559 --> 00:14:05.519 Anybody here have that? 00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:07.679 There's different versions that include that. 00:14:07.919 --> 00:14:08.639 Without cause. 00:14:08.720 --> 00:14:15.200 Now, this goes back to some textual criticism conversation, but some of these ancient manuscripts included this phrase in it, right? 00:14:15.279 --> 00:14:20.159 The Byzantine and some others that some of the other current translations translated from. 00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:24.960 The ESV does not include that phrase. 00:14:25.200 --> 00:14:28.240 It kind of comes from a compilation of different ancient texts. 00:14:28.320 --> 00:14:34.639 And I'm grateful the earliest and most reliable manuscripts that we translate scripture from don't actually include this. 00:14:34.799 --> 00:14:39.360 They would suggest that that phrase without cause was a scribal annotation. 00:14:40.080 --> 00:14:44.639 It was inserted by a scribe translating the actual scripture and word of God. 00:14:44.799 --> 00:14:46.480 So there's conversation about that. 00:14:46.639 --> 00:14:49.600 But I'm grateful the ESV doesn't include it for a couple of reasons. 00:14:49.759 --> 00:14:50.080 Here's why. 00:14:50.240 --> 00:15:04.879 Number one, if the actual statement of Jesus was anyone who is angry with his brother or her brother without cause, we all of us would immediately excuse ourselves from any kind of conviction this statement would bring to our lives. 00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:06.159 You know why? 00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:10.879 Because every time we are angry in our own mind, it is with cause. 00:15:11.279 --> 00:15:17.200 If we don't have a cause or a because you did this, we're not going to be angry. 00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:22.240 Nobody just wakes up seething, hating everybody, and when they're like, what's wrong? 00:15:22.399 --> 00:15:22.799 Nothing. 00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:23.840 You didn't do anything. 00:15:24.000 --> 00:15:25.360 I just hate you. 00:15:26.000 --> 00:15:29.840 We always have a cause and a reason for our anger. 00:15:30.080 --> 00:15:32.240 Our anger is never unrighteous. 00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:37.919 We only suffer from apparently the Christian pandemic of righteous indignation. 00:15:38.799 --> 00:15:48.960 Every time we're angry, it is righteous because we feel like we have a right to be angry because of what that person said or what he or she did to us. 00:15:49.679 --> 00:15:57.279 And so we read these verses that follow, and we excuse ourselves or exclude ourselves from them because we have a cause. 00:15:58.000 --> 00:16:09.679 But he also here another observation is that Jesus seems much less concerned with the cause of our anger and much more concerned with the effects of it. 00:16:10.080 --> 00:16:21.200 Not anger itself, but even when you look at the whole of Scripture, what you see is that the problem for most of us isn't the natural self-protective response of anger. 00:16:21.440 --> 00:16:29.519 It is what we do with that anger, how we respond in our anger that consistently seems to be the problem. 00:16:29.759 --> 00:16:30.799 Let me give you an example. 00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:34.639 Ephesians chapter 4, the apostle Paul writes this, verse 26. 00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:36.159 Be angry. 00:16:36.960 --> 00:16:39.120 You notice that he doesn't say don't be angry. 00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:42.879 He says, be angry and do not what, guys, sin. 00:16:43.759 --> 00:16:46.960 Do not let the sun go down on your anger. 00:16:47.039 --> 00:16:47.919 Don't let it fester. 00:16:48.159 --> 00:16:49.440 Don't let it seethe. 00:16:49.679 --> 00:16:53.120 And give no opportunity to the devil. 00:16:53.360 --> 00:16:53.759 Right. 00:16:53.840 --> 00:17:00.960 So from Paul's perspective, the problem isn't necessarily our anger, but the sin that comes from it. 00:17:01.120 --> 00:17:12.640 That we consistently give the devil, the enemy, an opportunity to use that anger to wreak more havoc, to amplify and maximize relational destruction. 00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:15.119 That's the problem with our anger. 00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:18.400 Think back to the civil rights movement of the 60s. 00:17:18.720 --> 00:17:25.039 What we had in our country was dramatic injustice and racism. 00:17:25.359 --> 00:17:32.799 And you had groups of people that were trying to deal with the problem, the attack and the threat of racism. 00:17:33.119 --> 00:17:44.559 They wanted to undo Jim Crow laws and segregation and get our society where it needed to be because of the mistreatment of a whole people group of African Americans in our country. 00:17:44.799 --> 00:17:46.880 And so we see different groups rise up. 00:17:46.960 --> 00:17:50.960 Now there were two primary leaders that surfaced during that time. 00:17:51.599 --> 00:17:55.839 One was Martin Luther King Jr., and the other was Malcolm X. 00:17:56.960 --> 00:18:04.640 And they were both angry at the unrighteousness and the sin and the evils of this society. 00:18:04.720 --> 00:18:07.200 They were both angry and rightly so. 00:18:07.359 --> 00:18:08.559 Are we in agreement on that? 00:18:09.359 --> 00:18:14.960 But how they chose to respond to that anger and that injustice is what made all the difference. 00:18:15.279 --> 00:18:24.319 Malcolm X was about anger and violence, about meeting the violence of the oppressor with violence of the ourselves, themselves. 00:18:24.880 --> 00:18:28.400 He was all about overthrow and political revolution. 00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:32.000 And everybody who followed him was about the same. 00:18:32.319 --> 00:18:34.799 But Reverend King had a different approach. 00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:40.160 And it's where we get the statement that is so popular and everybody posts on his holiday. 00:18:41.680 --> 00:18:43.920 The darkness can't drive out darkness. 00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:46.559 Only light can do that. 00:18:46.799 --> 00:18:49.200 Likewise, hate can't drive out hate. 00:18:49.440 --> 00:18:51.680 Only love can do that. 00:18:52.000 --> 00:19:04.880 And so he chose this path of peace, peaceful protest, of making these statements, sit-ins, willingly going to jail, suffering imprisonment, which stirred the hearts of our country and brought about change. 00:19:05.119 --> 00:19:12.799 And it's why today, if you want to look at the effectiveness of which approach has greater effect, look no further than these two individuals. 00:19:12.960 --> 00:19:16.480 Guys, you and I have never driven down a Malcolm X Boulevard. 00:19:17.440 --> 00:19:20.480 We don't celebrate his holiday, do we? 00:19:21.599 --> 00:19:23.839 How do we respond in our anger? 00:19:24.240 --> 00:19:29.039 Being justified in your anger doesn't mean you're justified in your response. 00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:31.200 James chapter 1, verse 19. 00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:33.599 We read, know this, my beloved brothers. 00:19:33.839 --> 00:19:38.799 Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak. 00:19:39.359 --> 00:19:41.440 I think I need to say that one again. 00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:45.599 Slow to speak, slow to anger. 00:19:46.240 --> 00:19:52.640 For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. 00:19:52.880 --> 00:19:53.839 Guys, catch that? 00:19:54.480 --> 00:19:56.880 That is an exclusive statement. 00:19:57.119 --> 00:20:05.759 It's not the anger of man rarely produces or does not always produce the righteousness of God. 00:20:06.079 --> 00:20:08.640 It does not produce the righteousness of God. 00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:14.079 Guys, think about your angry responses within your family relationships. 00:20:14.319 --> 00:20:21.519 They hurt you, they let you down, they do that thing you told them not to do over and over and over again, and they did it again. 00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:24.160 And you respond in anger. 00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:37.440 Does your response, has it ever, a single time in that family relationship, in that marriage relationship, has it ever brought about or produced the righteousness of God in your family? 00:20:38.319 --> 00:20:42.880 If we're honest with the Lord and with ourselves, don't we have to go, absolutely not? 00:20:43.680 --> 00:20:45.599 Noah's produced the opposite of that. 00:20:45.759 --> 00:20:49.519 Just more discord, more anger, more malice and wrath. 00:20:50.640 --> 00:20:53.599 And it manifests even in what we say. 00:20:54.799 --> 00:21:04.160 Jesus says, whoever insults his brother, and the Greek here, the literal translation, is whoever says raka, raka was an ancient insult. 00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:06.799 It means empty-headed or idiot. 00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:09.920 Do not use this in a sentence today. 00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:12.880 Like I know we're probably wanting to. 00:21:13.599 --> 00:21:21.599 So whoever says idiot or empty-headed to his brother, whoever says you fool, the Greek word here for you fool is moros. 00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:22.640 Does that sound familiar? 00:21:22.960 --> 00:21:26.319 Where we get our English word for oh, you guys know this word. 00:21:26.559 --> 00:21:26.880 Okay. 00:21:30.240 --> 00:21:32.960 A moron, even a moral reprobate. 00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:43.200 So raca attacks someone's intellect, moros attacks their moral character, their integrity, and who they are. 00:21:44.000 --> 00:21:48.079 Anyone here feel like you've been born into a family of racas and moroses? 00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:55.599 As angry hearts lead to angry words. 00:21:56.559 --> 00:21:59.759 And there are so many families who have been devastated. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:00.640 Stated. 00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:10.880 So much destruction brought into family and marriage relationships because of harsh words spoken in a moment of anger and rage. 00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:19.200 Has anyone here ever had something that you said in anger that you wished you hadn't said? 00:22:20.720 --> 00:22:23.039 Maybe you've heard this statement before, and it's very true. 00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:29.599 I don't know of a single person who has ever regretted in a moment of anger not saying something. 00:22:30.400 --> 00:22:34.559 But oh how much we regret saying what we feel in that moment, don't we? 00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:46.720 Because our defense mechanism is to just fight and swing in return without any regard for the damage that may be caused long term in that person that we love and care about. 00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:52.480 We call others names, we say hurtful things that cut each other deeply. 00:22:52.720 --> 00:22:56.720 We will yell and scream at our kids and rage on them. 00:22:56.960 --> 00:23:04.079 We will call our spouse fool to their face, idiot, moron, moros, and we'll say it. 00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:09.440 Well, if we don't say it, think it, and the look in our eyes says everything that they need to hear. 00:23:09.839 --> 00:23:12.960 Or maybe we don't ever say it to them, at least not recently. 00:23:13.119 --> 00:23:15.039 We've managed to get that under control. 00:23:15.279 --> 00:23:18.720 We just say it about them to anyone who will listen. 00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:27.119 If you've ever said something like this, I'm sure you've also had something said to you at some point. 00:23:28.319 --> 00:23:34.480 Something said to you in anger that still hurts and stings to this day. 00:23:35.759 --> 00:23:41.759 Something that maybe even reinforced an insecurity or a fear that you had about yourself. 00:23:42.079 --> 00:23:43.519 You experienced that? 00:23:44.079 --> 00:23:52.799 See, this is what the enemy of God, this is what the devil is so good at doing, guys, is he knows those areas of weakness and insecurity. 00:23:52.960 --> 00:24:04.559 And what he'll do is in a moment of tension and conflict, he will stir up anger and allow that anger to be used to speak words like raka and moros. 00:24:05.279 --> 00:24:14.960 And those words cut into an individual and they reinforce a lie that he wants us to believe about God and about ourselves. 00:24:15.279 --> 00:24:28.559 And so that moment of a careless word that you speak, wanting to hurt this person that has hurt you, can dig so deep it stays with them and reinforces the lie about themselves the enemy wants them to believe. 00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:37.440 Instead of the truth that brings freedom, that sets them free and allows them to live into the identity that God has given to them. 00:24:39.519 --> 00:24:40.960 Ephesians chapter 4. 00:24:41.119 --> 00:24:46.880 This is why Paul writes in verse 29 let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths. 00:24:47.200 --> 00:24:50.319 Guess how much corrupting talk should come out of our mouths? 00:24:50.640 --> 00:24:51.279 None. 00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:53.920 No corrupting talk. 00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:56.799 There's not a single asterisk in the Greek text. 00:24:57.440 --> 00:24:59.119 Well, you don't understand what he said to me. 00:24:59.359 --> 00:25:00.240 It doesn't matter. 00:25:00.480 --> 00:25:01.599 Yeah, but I was just kidding. 00:25:01.680 --> 00:25:02.880 I mean, they knew I'm just joking. 00:25:03.039 --> 00:25:16.000 No, let no corrupting talk or unwholesome speech come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear. 00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:20.640 Your words that you speak are doing one of two things and only one of two things. 00:25:20.880 --> 00:25:26.319 They are building people up, or they are ripping them down and tearing them apart. 00:25:26.559 --> 00:25:41.599 And shame on us for the people of God for coming here and worshiping with our mouths, the God and creator of all things, and singing his praises and adoring him, and at the same time ripping apart his image bears. 00:25:42.319 --> 00:25:46.160 I mean, James talks about this, James chapter 3, verse 8. 00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:49.279 But no human being contain the tongue. 00:25:49.440 --> 00:25:52.559 It is a restless evil full of deadly poison. 00:25:52.799 --> 00:25:59.039 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 00:25:59.279 --> 00:26:02.240 From the same mouth comes blessing and cursing. 00:26:02.400 --> 00:26:06.079 My brothers, these things ought not to be so. 00:26:06.720 --> 00:26:14.240 Because we cannot tear people apart to their face with other people, gossiping and slandering about them. 00:26:15.119 --> 00:26:25.680 We cannot rip people apart and tear them down with our words and then come in here and offer our worship to the Lord and think it doesn't matter all the other stuff that we've been saying and doing. 00:26:27.200 --> 00:26:29.680 We have to walk the way of Jesus. 00:26:44.960 --> 00:27:05.759 And yet he still calls you to release the desire, the tendency to murder people with our mouths, to destroy and bring destruction to them and tear them down, hoping others see them as less as well, so that I can feel better about who I am. 00:27:07.119 --> 00:27:15.839 We're called to repentance of our anger, our attitude, confessing our sin of resentment and bitterness to Jesus. 00:27:16.160 --> 00:27:18.640 We're also called to do something pretty extraordinary. 00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:20.000 Verse 23, check this out. 00:27:20.160 --> 00:27:29.519 So if you are offering your gift at the altar, Jesus continues, and there remember that your brother has something against you. 00:27:30.240 --> 00:27:33.440 Leave your gift there before the altar and go. 00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:39.519 First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 00:27:39.920 --> 00:27:51.680 Come to terms quickly with your accuser, while you're going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge and the judge, to the guard, and you be put in prison. 00:27:52.079 --> 00:27:57.200 Truly I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny. 00:27:59.279 --> 00:28:08.880 So, what is the call of Christ when it comes to our family, when it comes to our relationships, when it comes to who we are as followers of Jesus? 00:28:09.279 --> 00:28:12.079 He says, We are called to reconciliation. 00:28:12.720 --> 00:28:19.440 Not to resentment, not to bitterness and anger toward those who have hurt us, but to reconciliation. 00:28:21.039 --> 00:28:28.079 If we know someone in our family is angry with us, we're called to make it right. 00:28:28.480 --> 00:28:32.720 As far as it is up to us to be at peace with all people. 00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:48.079 Leave your gift at the altar and go do what God wants you to do so much more. 00:28:48.880 --> 00:28:56.960 Reconcile with your brother, reconcile with your sister, reconcile with your husband, with your wife, with your parents, with your kids. 00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:04.559 Otherwise, we may get dragged before a court and a judge and guard and prison. 00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:07.200 Jesus' point here is pretty clear. 00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:14.079 No matter how much we think reconciliation is going to cost us, and make no mistake, it's going to cost us, isn't it? 00:29:14.319 --> 00:29:16.319 It'll cost us our pride. 00:29:21.039 --> 00:29:30.400 It'll cost us the fear of risking actually taking ownership of what I've contributed to this conflict, even though in my mind it's about 2-3%. 00:29:31.039 --> 00:29:33.920 And he or she did 97 to 98. 00:29:34.640 --> 00:29:46.079 And so the fear is if I actually go to them and if I confess and repent and take ownership for my 2-3%, then they're going to think it's all my fault and they won't care and they're not going to change. 00:29:46.160 --> 00:29:47.759 And that is a terrifying prospect. 00:29:47.920 --> 00:29:57.680 So we hang on to our anger and we continue to try to punish them and keep them in this prison of our anger and resentment instead of letting it go. 00:29:57.839 --> 00:29:59.119 It's scary, guys. 00:29:59.359 --> 00:30:04.240 It's scary to entrust vengeance to the Lord, to whom it rightfully belongs. 00:30:04.559 --> 00:30:11.359 It's terrifying to give your hurt to Jesus, the judge of all the earth, who will do right so much more than you. 00:30:11.680 --> 00:30:17.119 To release that to him and let him bring justice and you love and show grace, that is terrifying. 00:30:17.200 --> 00:30:18.720 And it's going to cost you. 00:30:19.759 --> 00:30:34.960 But what Jesus makes clear here is the cost of reconciliation is nothing compared to the cost of resentment, compared to the destructive cost you are going to pay in your family relationships. 00:30:36.559 --> 00:30:39.039 How can our hearts be free from anger? 00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:40.960 This is so interesting to me. 00:30:41.200 --> 00:30:50.960 I don't know if you guys caught the shift in focus from verses 21 and 22, and then when Jesus goes into verse 23 about reconciliation. 00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:51.519 Right? 00:30:51.599 --> 00:30:55.359 So he's saying to his followers, he's like, hey, don't be angry. 00:30:55.599 --> 00:30:58.400 If you're angry, you're liable to judgment, right? 00:30:58.480 --> 00:31:01.680 So don't be angry when people hurt you, offend you, disappoint you. 00:31:01.839 --> 00:31:04.880 Do not be angry and murder them with your heart or your words. 00:31:05.119 --> 00:31:12.640 And then he says, if you're offering your gift, if you come to worship and remember someone has something against you. 00:31:13.519 --> 00:31:15.039 You guys see the shift? 00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:17.279 There's a pivot of focus here. 00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:22.720 Because the natural flow would be don't be angry against those who have hurt you. 00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:31.680 If you come to worship and there remember someone has hurt you, go and reconcile and make sure they ask for forgiveness. 00:31:31.920 --> 00:31:33.759 Isn't that the natural flow? 00:31:34.079 --> 00:31:35.440 But Jesus doesn't do that. 00:31:35.599 --> 00:31:41.920 He pivots and he connects the two very clearly when he says, so here is what you are to do. 00:31:42.079 --> 00:31:43.039 Don't be angry. 00:31:43.119 --> 00:31:46.400 Don't harbor murderous thoughts in your heart and in your mind. 00:31:47.119 --> 00:31:49.440 If you are, here's how you handle it. 00:31:49.599 --> 00:31:50.559 Here's what you do. 00:31:50.880 --> 00:31:56.559 Go and if you are worshiping and you remember you've hurt someone else. 00:31:57.039 --> 00:31:59.279 You have disappointed someone else. 00:31:59.519 --> 00:32:03.599 You have said something or done something hurtful toward another person. 00:32:04.480 --> 00:32:06.720 Go and reconcile with that person. 00:32:07.119 --> 00:32:10.240 And how can you reconcile with someone that you've hurt? 00:32:10.559 --> 00:32:12.559 You ask for their forgiveness. 00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:20.000 You repent of that sin in order to bring the change necessary to bring you back into intimacy and relationship. 00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:21.200 It's the only way. 00:32:21.359 --> 00:32:30.559 And by the way, it's asking for forgiveness, which is a much more difficult thing than saying you're sorry or apologizing. 00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:31.200 Isn't it? 00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:36.319 So much easier just to go up to somebody if you know that you've heard them or said something wrong. 00:32:36.559 --> 00:32:38.480 So much easier to say sorry. 00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:41.440 I mean, think about your kids, parents, when they're little. 00:32:41.680 --> 00:32:44.319 Hey, you apologize to your sister. 00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:49.839 Do it right now, otherwise you're gonna be in time out. 00:32:51.200 --> 00:32:52.079 Sorry. 00:32:53.519 --> 00:32:55.039 So heartfelt. 00:32:55.599 --> 00:33:03.519 Usually, I'm sorry is followed with the, but it's only because, and we boomerang it right back to them. 00:33:04.079 --> 00:33:05.839 Point the finger back at them. 00:33:06.079 --> 00:33:10.000 Whereas to ask someone to forgive you is a very different thing. 00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:22.319 It requires true repentance, humbling yourself and putting your forgiveness in their hands to say, Will you forgive me for what I did to you? 00:33:22.640 --> 00:33:28.160 We need to ask people to forgive us much more than we're apologizing. 00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:35.200 I point out often, even the Greek word, right, in the original New Testament language for apology, it's apologia. 00:33:35.519 --> 00:33:39.759 It literally translates as to defend or make a defense. 00:33:39.920 --> 00:33:41.680 And that's what we do when we apologize. 00:33:41.759 --> 00:33:44.000 I'm sorry, but this, but that, but you. 00:33:44.400 --> 00:33:44.720 Right? 00:33:44.799 --> 00:33:45.920 How do we reconcile? 00:33:46.079 --> 00:33:50.079 We go and reconcile with those that we have hurt or wronged. 00:33:50.880 --> 00:33:59.680 Jesus shifts the focus from our anger to those who are angry with us, which is a great reminder, guys, of a couple things. 00:33:59.839 --> 00:34:06.240 Number one, we're only responsible for one person in every relational conflict. 00:34:06.400 --> 00:34:08.800 Who is that person we're responsible for? 00:34:09.199 --> 00:34:09.519 Me. 00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:19.280 I am not responsible to ensure that this person that has hurt me or wounded me changes and does things the right way. 00:34:19.519 --> 00:34:20.320 I can try. 00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:24.159 In fact, most of us, we've spent our entire marriage life trying. 00:34:24.400 --> 00:34:26.239 How's it working for you? 00:34:27.039 --> 00:34:33.599 The best we can hope for is to effect some kind of behavioral modification or change, not the heart. 00:34:33.760 --> 00:34:36.639 There's only one who can change the heart, and that is Jesus. 00:34:36.800 --> 00:34:41.360 We need to submit to that, and we can't force another person to submit. 00:34:41.760 --> 00:34:44.400 We can only submit to his work in ourselves. 00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:48.079 Only submit to what he's wanting to do in each and every one of us. 00:34:48.320 --> 00:34:52.559 Jesus doesn't say go and demand an apology from the person you're mad at. 00:34:53.280 --> 00:34:55.840 He says, Do not be mad, do not be angry. 00:34:56.000 --> 00:35:00.000 Instead, go and be reconciled with the person who's mad at you. 00:35:00.559 --> 00:35:03.760 Free them from the burden of their offense and their anger. 00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:10.719 Acknowledge humbly your sin against them without diluting or diminishing it, without minimizing the ugliness of it. 00:35:10.880 --> 00:35:12.320 Call it what it is. 00:35:12.639 --> 00:35:14.159 And again, these are connected. 00:35:14.239 --> 00:35:19.920 So the thought here is if you're angry, if you're angry, here's what you do. 00:35:20.559 --> 00:35:26.320 Make it a point to go and reconcile with anyone who is angry with you. 00:35:28.079 --> 00:35:31.920 Well, that doesn't seem like the solution that we want to hear, does it? 00:35:32.400 --> 00:35:43.039 If you're dealing with anger, Jesus says the first thing you need to do is think of everybody you have hurt, you have wronged, and never actually reconciled with. 00:35:43.280 --> 00:35:46.719 Go and be reconciled to that person as much as it's up to you. 00:35:46.880 --> 00:35:50.880 Ask them to forgive you for how you've contributed what you've done. 00:35:51.199 --> 00:35:52.559 Why is this important? 00:35:54.000 --> 00:36:01.360 Because as we are asking others to give us grace, it reminds us of our need for it. 00:36:02.159 --> 00:36:05.599 It reminds us of our need to be forgiven. 00:36:05.760 --> 00:36:12.320 That we've hurt others, we've wronged others, we've let people down and said and done some horrible, despicable, selfish things. 00:36:12.559 --> 00:36:22.079 And so as we're asking them to forgive us for those things, how can we not then be but motivated to extend the same grace to those who have wronged us? 00:36:23.360 --> 00:36:25.679 Ephesians 4, verse 31. 00:36:26.000 --> 00:36:33.199 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. 00:36:33.440 --> 00:36:34.400 Instead, do what? 00:36:34.559 --> 00:36:39.760 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. 00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:43.760 As long as they ask for it and you feel they deserve it. 00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:47.599 Did I read that incorrectly? 00:36:49.679 --> 00:36:55.840 Forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. 00:36:57.039 --> 00:36:59.119 Guys, that's why we forgive. 00:36:59.599 --> 00:37:13.679 That's how we're free from anger is to recognize all that we have done to our holy, glorious Creator who loves us beyond anything we can comprehend, and yet we continually choose ourselves over Him. 00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:15.840 We continually walk our own way. 00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:19.360 We are deserving of the wrath of a holy God. 00:37:19.679 --> 00:37:24.719 And yet, this holy God, in his grace and goodness, has chosen to forgive us. 00:37:24.960 --> 00:37:31.039 How can we not then do anything but forgive those who have wronged us? 00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:35.760 That's the basis for forgiveness, for letting go of our anger and resentment. 00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:37.280 Let me close with this. 00:37:37.440 --> 00:37:39.039 Matthew chapter 18. 00:37:39.440 --> 00:37:41.840 Jesus reiterates this point. 00:37:42.639 --> 00:37:50.719 He tells a story when Peter, the disciple, asks him, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him? 00:37:50.880 --> 00:37:53.679 He says, Should I do it as many as seven times? 00:37:54.079 --> 00:37:55.039 This was a big deal. 00:37:55.119 --> 00:38:00.880 I mean, the rabbis at the time taught that you should forgive someone up to three times, three times. 00:38:01.119 --> 00:38:04.880 So imagine Peter here being like, dude, I'm gonna be super holy. 00:38:06.079 --> 00:38:07.599 Lord, how many should I forgive? 00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:08.159 Not three. 00:38:08.239 --> 00:38:11.920 Should I do like, I'm gonna double it and add one extra credit bonus point? 00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:14.480 Seven times? 00:38:14.639 --> 00:38:17.360 And Jesus responds and says, No, not seven times. 00:38:17.679 --> 00:38:19.360 Seventy sevens time. 00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:21.679 490. 00:38:21.760 --> 00:38:23.599 And it's not about doing the math. 00:38:23.840 --> 00:38:28.239 His point was, as many times as you are, your brother wrongs, forgive. 00:38:28.559 --> 00:38:30.559 And this seems so undoable. 00:38:30.639 --> 00:38:33.440 And so Jesus helps them understand how we do this. 00:38:33.599 --> 00:38:34.559 Verse 23. 00:38:34.719 --> 00:38:42.480 Therefore, the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 00:38:42.639 --> 00:38:46.559 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him 10,000 talents. 00:38:46.639 --> 00:38:50.800 That's roughly the equivalent of 200,000 years of wages. 00:38:51.599 --> 00:38:53.519 Guys didn't even react to that. 00:38:54.159 --> 00:38:56.639 200,000 years worth of wages. 00:38:56.800 --> 00:38:59.119 One talent was 20 years of wages. 00:38:59.360 --> 00:39:05.599 So when Jesus gave this sum, everybody listening at the time most assuredly kind of chuckled, went like, What? 00:39:05.760 --> 00:39:07.599 Who could even rack up that much debt? 00:39:07.679 --> 00:39:08.960 And that's kind of the point. 00:39:09.840 --> 00:39:18.960 Since he could not pay, obviously, his master ordered him to be sold with his wife and children and all that he had and payment to be made. 00:39:19.119 --> 00:39:20.639 This is what he deserved. 00:39:21.280 --> 00:39:22.800 And out of pity, I'm sorry. 00:39:22.880 --> 00:39:31.119 So the servant fell on his knees, verse 26, imploring him, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything. 00:39:31.280 --> 00:39:38.000 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 00:39:38.559 --> 00:39:43.039 Two hundred thousand years worth of income of debt, this master forgave. 00:39:43.199 --> 00:39:45.599 Who does the master represent in this parable? 00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:46.239 God. 00:39:46.639 --> 00:39:48.639 Who does the servant represent? 00:39:49.119 --> 00:39:49.519 Us. 00:39:49.679 --> 00:39:50.639 You got it. 00:39:51.280 --> 00:39:52.719 Doesn't end here, verse 28. 00:39:52.880 --> 00:39:59.679 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. 00:39:59.760 --> 00:40:04.159 This is roughly a hundred denarii, roughly the equivalent to three to four months of wages. 00:40:04.400 --> 00:40:05.280 Three to four months. 00:40:05.440 --> 00:40:07.519 Still a pretty decent sum, right? 00:40:07.679 --> 00:40:12.960 If somebody owed me three to four months' worth of income, I'd probably want payment. 00:40:14.480 --> 00:40:20.559 And seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, Pay what you owe. 00:40:21.199 --> 00:40:23.440 He lost his temper very clearly. 00:40:23.679 --> 00:40:30.480 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, have patience with me, and I will repay you. 00:40:30.800 --> 00:40:35.280 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 00:40:35.360 --> 00:40:37.119 Guys, isn't this what we do with people? 00:40:37.360 --> 00:40:43.519 We lock them in a prison of our anger to punish them until they pay what they owe us. 00:40:43.840 --> 00:40:49.920 To pay off the debt that you've incurred because of what you did to me, what you said to me, how you treated me. 00:40:50.559 --> 00:41:00.639 And I'm going to make your life miserable, or I'm going to detach myself and be cold toward you until I feel like you have suffered sufficiently to pay the debt that you owe me. 00:41:02.159 --> 00:41:11.440 Verse 31, when his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:21.840 Then his master summoned him and said to him, You wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 00:41:22.079 --> 00:41:27.199 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you? 00:41:27.519 --> 00:41:32.960 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay all his debt. 00:41:33.199 --> 00:41:42.480 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart, not just with your mouth, but from your heart. 00:41:42.880 --> 00:41:54.960 So, guys, here's what we do: we take all of our righteous reasons for holding on to our bitterness and pouring our wrath out upon that family member who has cut and wounded us so deeply. 00:41:55.119 --> 00:42:02.079 We take every one of those justifications and reasons and excuses and we hold them up to this. 00:42:03.840 --> 00:42:15.360 And we realize we are angry because we are thinking about what they owe us and what has been done to us, and we have forgotten what we owed him. 00:42:16.159 --> 00:42:26.719 What we do to him on a regular basis that he forgives and how blessed it is to know that our sins are not counted against us in the eyes of God. 00:42:26.960 --> 00:42:34.320 And yet we go out and we choke people and we strangle, we throw them into prison and demand payment because of what you've done. 00:42:34.400 --> 00:42:35.599 And guys, hear this, please. 00:42:35.840 --> 00:42:37.760 What they did, despicable. 00:42:38.559 --> 00:42:40.639 What they did, not okay. 00:42:41.280 --> 00:42:48.000 You forgiving doesn't make it right, it makes it righteous by reminding yourself that what you've done is not okay. 00:42:48.239 --> 00:42:52.880 What you've done is not right, and you've even done it toward other people, not just the Lord. 00:42:54.079 --> 00:43:10.320 We gotta remind ourselves of how much grace we have received from Jesus so that we can then in turn count it joy when we have an opportunity to show others the same grace and to forgive those who have wronged us. 00:43:11.360 --> 00:43:15.679 There is no other way to have a solid foundation for your family. 00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:22.719 Guys, you will never experience familial health until you become an expert in forgiveness. 00:43:23.599 --> 00:43:25.280 Can we stand together? 00:43:37.920 --> 00:43:39.440 Lord, I feel it. 00:43:41.360 --> 00:43:42.880 I know you do too. 00:43:43.119 --> 00:43:48.159 I know you see the hurt, the tears that have been shed. 00:43:50.559 --> 00:43:55.360 How many of us feel like we're holding on to anger, but Lord, it's holding on to us. 00:43:55.760 --> 00:43:59.840 We are captives, and we need you to set us free today. 00:44:01.039 --> 00:44:06.719 Lord, remind us of all that we've been forgiven of in you, Jesus. 00:44:07.360 --> 00:44:13.199 Remind us of the debt we owed you that you didn't know, but we couldn't pay it, you paid it for us. 00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:24.320 And so, Lord, may we take that and just look for every opportunity to show you our gratitude by forgiving every debt of wrong against us. 00:44:26.880 --> 00:44:28.559 Set us free, Jesus. 00:44:29.679 --> 00:44:32.719 May we submit to your Spirit's work in our lives. 00:44:34.000 --> 00:44:39.360 And God, I pray you also give us that mindset to focus on those we have wronged. 00:44:40.320 --> 00:44:49.360 That we leave here determined to pursue reconciliation with our spouse, with our kids, with our parents, with our siblings, with everybody around us, Lord. 00:44:49.840 --> 00:44:56.719 To bring that to you as our offering and trusting vengeance to the only one who can exact it with justice. 00:45:04.320 --> 00:45:04.719 Amen.