Episode 40: Overthinking isn’t the problem

Overthinking isn’t just a habit—it’s a pattern driven by deeper self-limiting beliefs.
In this episode of Her BOSS Brain, we break down why high achievers get stuck in cycles of overthinking, second-guessing, and decision paralysis—even when they know what to do.

You’ll learn:

• Why overthinking is not the real problem 
• The hidden beliefs that drive self-doubt 
• How your brain uses past experiences to predict outcomes (and keep you stuck) 
• The difference between productive thinking and overthinking 
• Simple, science-backed tools to interrupt the loop and take action 

This episode will help you stop managing your thoughts—and start leading from within by activating your BOSS Brain.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in your head, replaying decisions, or struggling to trust yourself—this conversation will give you the clarity and tools to move forward.

Follow Her BOSS Brain – Stress to Success for weekly insights on leadership, neuroscience, and self-leadership under pressure.

To bring this work into your organization: www.pallavi-jain.com
Share your thoughts or questions: herbossbrain@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

If you're a high-achieving woman who's exhausted by stress, stuck in constant conflict, and tired of being overlooked in the exact rooms where you know you were born to lead, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Paul V. Jane.

unknown 0:21

Don't stop.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Welcome to her boss brain podcast. I'm Palavi. This is where we talk about what it really takes to lead from within by activating your boss brain. Be on self-start. Because the hardest leadership moments aren't when things are uncertain on the outside. They're when everything looks fine, but your mind won't slow down. And in those moments, you don't rise by thinking more. You rise when you arrive. Take responsibility and make a conscious choice before your thoughts take over. Because there's a moment most of us don't talk about enough, okay? It's not burnout, it's not failure. From the outside, everything actually looks fine. But inside, you're exhausted from your own mind. You've read the email three times, you have rewritten that one sentence again, you had the answer in the meeting, but somehow you didn't say it. And now you're replaying it. What should I have said? Did that sound okay? Did they notice I hesitated? And here's the part that stings a little. You know better. You're smart, you're experienced, and you have done hard things. But why does it feel like in these moments you don't just trust yourself? Right? I've been there. I remember sitting in a leadership meeting early in my career. I had done the work, I had the data, I had the insight. And I also had a voice in my head saying, wait, just listen a little more. Let someone else go first. What if you're missing something? So I waited. And then someone else said exactly what I was thinking: same idea, same direction. And in that moment, I felt two things at once: frustration and recognition. Because deep down, I knew this wasn't about capability. This was about something happening in my head that I didn't yet understand. And for the longest time, I told myself, you know, I just need to be more confident. I need to stop overthinking. I need to be quicker. But that never really worked for me because overthinking feels like the problem, but it's not. It's actually a pattern. It's your brain trying to protect you. From what? Well, from a belief you may not even realize you're carrying. A belief like, I might get this wrong. I'm not fully ready. What if they don't take me seriously? Right? Your brain steps in and says, well, then let's think a little more. Let's analyze this from every angle. Let's just make sure. And it feels productive, but it's not. It's just protection. And unless you see that clearly, you'll keep trying to fix the thinking instead of understanding what's driving it. Because that's when you stop reacting and start choosing. And this is exactly where your boss brain comes in. Your ability to be on self-start, to lead from within, even when your mind is pulling you in a different direction. Not because the doubt disappeared, but because you see it. And now you don't let it decide for you. Today I want to walk you through this. Not just what overthinking looks like on the surface, but what's actually happening underneath it. Because once you see that clearly, you stop managing the symptoms and you finally take charge of what's really running the show. So if overthinking isn't the problem, what is actually driving it? And here's where a little bit of science helps. Not to complicate this, but to make sense of why this feels so automatic. Your brain is wired for efficiency. It's constantly asking, how do I do this faster, with less effort, based on what I already know, right? And to do that, it relies on something called predictive processing. We have talked about this, a concept from neuroscience that basically means your brain is always using past experiences to predict what's going to happen next. So when you walk into a meeting or you're about to make a decision, your brain isn't seeing that moment as fresh. It's filtering it through past experiences and it's saying, well, this might not go well. And once that prediction is in place, your thinking doesn't stay neutral anymore. It starts working to confirm or resolve that prediction. And that's the key I want you to remember. Because that's when overthinking kicks in. Not because you're broken, not because you lack confidence, but because your brain is trying to choose the gap between uncertainty and certainty. You're not overthinking. You are overprocessing to feel certain before you act. And I actually see this not just in leadership rooms, but in smallest, most ordinary moments. You know, I remember being on a family vacation, not a high-stakes situation at all. We were just trying to decide where to go for dinner. Simple, right? Except it wasn't for me. I had like five tabs open in my head. Is this place good enough? What if the reviews are outdated? Will everyone like it? And what if there's a better option 10 minutes away, right? And at that point, I'm not choosing a restaurant anymore. I'm conducting a full research project. And while I'm doing all of this in here, everyone else is just waiting and watching me. And eventually someone says, Can we just pick something? That moment hit me because it wasn't about dinner. It was the same pattern. That need to get it right, driven by that underlying pressure, just in a different setting, right? So you hear versions of this even from high performers. So Cheryl Sandberg has spoken openly about moments early in her career where she held back in meetings, not because she didn't have the answer, but because she wanted to be completely sure. That need for certainty, it sounds responsible, but it often comes from what if I'm wrong? And this is where it connects to something we've talked about before on this podcast decision fatigue. The more decisions you make in this state where you're overprocessing, second guessing, trying to get it perfect, the faster you drain your mental energy. So by the time you get to the decisions that actually matter, you're tired, you're less clear, and you're more reactive. If you haven't listened to that episode yet, I will recommend you going back and listening to that because this is where these patterns start compounding. And what you're really searching for then in those moments is not more information. It's a feeling of inner alignment, that sense of, oh, this feels right. I trust this, I'm clear. But you don't get it because here's the trap. You think alignment comes from more thinking, when in reality, alignment often comes after you decide and you choose to back yourself. Think about it. Right now, I want to be precise about something. There is a place for deep thinking. You should do deep thinking or think strategically about your overall plan, about evaluating risk, consider long-term impact. That's not the issue. It has its place. But the issue is when thinking stops being productive and starts becoming circular. So here's a simple way to distinguish: there is a difference between productive thinking and overthinking. Productive thinking will move you forward. It will lead to a decision. It feels focused and it has a clear endpoint. Whereas overthinking, it keeps you stuck in that same loop. It delays your decision. It feels scattered. You feel all over the place and you literally have no finish line, right? And high performers, because they're running on so much speed and doing so many things at the same time, they often blur this line. Because it feels responsible to keep thinking. But at some point, speed does matter more than certainty. Especially in leadership, because your role is not just to have perfect answers, it's to create momentum, make decisions with available information, and adjust as you go. Now, here's why this matters beyond you. Because overthinking doesn't stay contained, it spreads. In Teams, when you don't make that shift, teams wait for direction, right? Meetings extend without resolution. Others start doubting their own instincts. And without realizing it, you create a culture of hesitation, over ownership. And at home, you delay simple decisions. You carry mental load that no one else sees. You become less present, even when you're physically there. And the people around you, they feel it. It has a direct impact on your connection, not because you're doing anything wrong, but because you're not fully there. So the real cost of overthinking is not just time. It's lost momentum, diluted confidence, and most importantly, disconnection from yourself and from others. So now what do we actually do about this, right? This is where we move from awareness now to control, not by stopping thoughts, that doesn't work, but by interrupting the pattern. So, number one, what you can do is you can name the loop. There's research showing that when you name what you're feeling, it reduces the activation in the MEGLA and brings your thinking brain back online. So in the moment, instead of I need to think more, try, I'm overthinking because I'm afraid of getting this wrong. That one sentence creates distance so a real response can show up, right? And you can be more mindful of what you're choosing, what you're doing. Number two, what you can do is shrink the decision window. Overthinking thrives in the open-ended time. So give yourself a constraint. I'll decide in two minutes, I'll speak within the next 10 seconds. This forces a shift from perfection to action, which is critical sometimes. Then, third, you can also use the body to reset the brain. This isn't mindset, it's just simple physiology. So slow controlled breathing, even four to five deep breaths with longer exhalation signals safety to your nervous system because it activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which is the restful response of your body, okay, which then reduces the urgency for your brain that it's creating for no reason, right? And it brings decision clarity. Then, of course, the last step that you can do, another way, is apply the ATM framework. Make it real, apply it in this situation, arrive. Notice am I moving forward or looping? Take responsibility. I'm searching for certainty that may not come. Make a choice. I'm deciding based on what I know right now. Then that last part matters because clarity doesn't always come first. Action often creates clarity, and that's the shift into your past brain. Not when everything feels clear, but when you decide, I don't need perfect alignment to move. I create alignment through action. Overthinking convinces you that more time will give you better answers, but most of the time, it just gives you more noise. And the leaders who move forward are not the ones who think the most. They are the ones who know when to stop thinking and start choosing. So here's what I want you to do with this, okay? The next time you catch yourself stuck in your head, replaying, rethinking, second guessing, don't try to fix the thought. Pause and ask yourself, am I moving forward or am I looping? And if you're looping, then use it. Arrive, take responsibility, make a conscious choice, even if it's imperfect, even if it feels uncomfortable. Because that right there, that moment, that's what true leadership is. That's where you shift from autopilot to your boss brain. And if this resonated with you, if you saw yourself in this, make sure you're following the podcast because this is the work we do here. We don't just talk about success on the outside, we build the inner technology that actually sustains it. And if you're listening to this as a leader or you're part of an organization where you're seeing this show up in things like decision fatigue, hesitation, overwhelmed teams and managers, or lack of ownership, this is exactly the kind of work I bring into organizations through keynotes, workshops, and leadership experiences. I help teams understand what's driving these patterns and most importantly, how to shift them in real time. So if that's a conversation you've been thinking about, please reach out. And I just want you to all have a wonderful week. Take care, and I'll see you next week.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

So that's it for today's episode of her boss brain podcast. Head on over to Apple Podcasts iTunes or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance in a grand prize drawing to win a$25,000 private VIP day with Pollovy herself. Be sure to head on over to her bossbrainpodcast.com and pick up a free copy of Pallovy's gift and join us next time.