Episode 47: Your Brain Is Making Up Stories (And It's Impacting Your Performance)

Most performance problems, communication breakdowns, and difficult workplace conversations don't begin with a lack of skill.

In this episode, Pallavi explores one of the most overlooked drivers of leadership effectiveness: perception.

The human brain is constantly predicting, interpreting, and filling in gaps based on past experiences, stored memories, and emotional patterns. The problem is that what feels true isn't always what's actually happening.

When these internal narratives go unchecked, they quietly influence how professionals communicate, make decisions, respond to feedback, and navigate pressure. What looks like a performance issue on the surface is often a perception issue underneath.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why your brain acts as a prediction machine
• How past experiences shape present day perception
• The connection between perception, communication, and decision making
• Why stress clouds judgment and narrows perspective
• Three practical neuroscience based tools to regain clarity under pressure
• How to activate your BOSS Brain and respond with intention rather than react automatically

If you've ever replayed a conversation in your head, assumed the worst, taken something personally, or created a story before having all the facts, this episode is for you.

Because performance is not only about what you do.

It is also about the stories you believe while you do it and start seeing reality more clearly.

Follow Her BOSS Brain – Stress to Success for weekly conversations on leadership, human behavior, and performance under pressure.

To bring this work into your organization: www.pallavi-jain.com 
Share your thoughts or questions: herbossbrain@gmail.com 

#LeadershipDevelopment #perception #performance #SelfLeadership #neuroscience

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:03

If you're a high-achieving woman who's exhausted by stress, stuck in constant conflict, and tired of being overlooked in the exact rooms where you know you were born to lead, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Pallav Jane.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Don't stop. Welcome to her Boss Brain podcast. I'm your host and your friend, Pallavi. I'm the CEO of Pallavi Leadership Group, founder of the Lead from Within program NATM Framework for Personal Growth and Mastery. I was so looking forward to today's topic as it is the first step in how we build relationship with ourselves and with those around us. In today's episode, we will talk about perception and how it impacts your day-to-day if left unchecked. And also learn tips on how to activate your boss brain to see things as they are and not how you are. Trust me, your brain is playing tricks on you more than you think. It's Tuesday afternoon, okay? And I'm on one of those Zoom calls that could have been an email, seriously. But it's a quarterly team alignment meeting. So of course, 15 other people are on screen pretending to look aligned. I'm sitting upright in my office chair, just like this, okay? And I'm looking very leadership ready from the waist up. And don't laugh, very pajama bottom from the waist down. Okay, come on, you all do that. By the way, I'm nodding to the revenue updates that I halfway understand. And I glance across the screen and literally I notice my colleague Paula smirking in her little, you know, that little zoom square? Not a full laugh, but just a half a smile. But that's all it took, okay? My brain goes off. Wait, is she laughing at me? Was my comment silly? Oh my god, is something on my face? Did she hear that weird gurgling noise from my coffee mug? Like, what's going on? And before I can stop it, I have already written a whole story, okay? Paula thinks I'm a joke. She doesn't take me seriously. Nobody, nobody actually does. And maybe this is why I haven't been promoted yet. Maybe, maybe. And then two seconds later, I see it. Her cat walks across her keyboard and sends a message to our boss that says, You're cute. Oh my goodness. She's laughing at that. Not me, not the budget report, not my face. And just like that, my entire internal spiral collapses like a house of cards. So, what just happened? My perception kicked in, okay? Not the facts, not what she actually said, not what was really happening, just the version my stressed brain created in a split second. That, my friend, is perception on autopilot. So, what is perception? Perception is your ability, okay, to take in and interpret the world around you using your five senses. This is the gateway of how you communicate, how you make decisions, you form relationships, and literally interact with the external world. You know, at Harvard, there's this concept of meta leadership that they teach specially in crisis management. So, you know, people who are in crisis situations, like the first responders in emergency situations, people managing emergency situations and like that. And their model is called the pop-doc model, okay? It's P-O-P-D-O-C, pop doc model, where the first P stands for perception. Now the question is that I want to ask if your perception is clouded, okay? How will anything after that be effective or even helpful? It's like in organizations, we are so busy teaching our leaders and managers all these external frameworks for leadership and getting all these certifications, technological advancements. But the person who is using these external frameworks technology, if they don't have the inner clarity and how they perceive a certain situation or a person is clouded, do you think the results will be effective?

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Right?

SPEAKER_01 4:56

So, I mean, all these external frameworks are really, really important and we need them. But we also need to spend some time in creating that inner clarity within us because we are the users who are using these technologies, who are using these frameworks to take it further, right? So here you go. Here is the inner technology fact for today. Anything, okay? Anything that you have taken in through the five senses is registered in your memory. Whether you're conscious of it or you're not, it doesn't matter. It is there. And your brain then acts as an anticipation machine to predict the future using this data that is stored from past experiences and your memory. So you see, your perception and your working memory are deeply entangled. And what do I mean by working memory? Working memory is like your brain's sticky note, you know, it holds current information, but it's filtered through past recordings. Filling in the blanks to predict or anticipate quickly, you know, quickly in microseconds. That's how my brain processes things very quickly, because it takes something, it takes the stimulus, and then it fills in the blanks using past recordings and what has happened in the past and quickly gives you the results. Which unfortunately, though, results in you having a clouded perception. It's like a uniquely colored glasses of your own lived experiences, interpretations, and the data stored in your memory through which you are seeing your current reality. And hence the clouded perception. Meaning many times you are not really seeing things as they are, but rather seeing them how you want them to be or how you are, based on your own assumptions, which results in complications in relationships, disharmony in teams, and ineffective decision making. Our perception is like that camera, you know, with filters. The lens isn't neutral, it's tinted by every little thing we have absorbed over the years. So when something happens, a tone, a look, a silence, a message, your brain doesn't just observe it, it interprets it, it fills in the blanks, it creates meaning. And let's be honest, that meaning isn't always accurate. It's often built on worst-case scenarios. So if you have listened to my previous episodes, we talked about the negative bias of your brain and how it stores and remembers all the negatives for the sake of its most important job, your survival. So here's a question for you, okay? Do you think knowing about our brain negative bias and what we just learned, our tip of consciously creating positive memories, right, which we learned before, will impact your perception? What do you think? I want you to leave a comment about this. And if you say yes or no, okay, whatever you say, I also want you to tell me why. All right, let's keep going. The truth is that your brain constructs its version of the world based on familiar patterns, often limiting your ability to perceive new possibilities. Now, the bigger problem is that because of this, you stay stuck in the same patterns, cycle of emotions, same repetitive stories, and experiences, because your inner state creates your outer reality. So if you are stuck in similar thoughts, emotions, interpretations, you will keep experiencing the same external situations, behaviors, and people. Now, if you no longer want to live a cyclical life driven by past and the data that has been recorded, then we have to activate your boss brain to be in control and write your own future where you start seeing things as they are. Now, as I said before, recordings are happening all the time through your five senses, whether you're conscious of it or not. Okay? Now, this is what is happening ever since we were born. And we know that these recordings are happening. But do you know we also carry generational memory? Okay, now I'm hitting something that some of you may not agree with, but I'll still mention it. There was an experiment conducted by Dr. Deepak Chopra years ago, in which they took some mice and they introduced the wintergreen smell. It's a very strong-smelling plant, right? So they gave them wintergreen, and then they were given electric shock after that. They saw the effect of this memory recording up to seven generations. What do I mean? Literally, for up to seven generations, when these mice were introduced to wintergreen, they would start running everywhere in fear, anticipating danger associated with that smell.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

Isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_01 10:48

This shows us how fear responses, strong past emotions of pain, suffering, anger, resentment can be inherited and passed on, not just created. And for women, that means we may be carrying survival strategies that no longer serve us today, that are may not even be needed today. I truly believe, though, that this is a golden era for women, where we're actually waking up and becoming conscious of these thought patterns, these stuck emotions and chains of past that are holding us back. And that's why I really think we are our biggest obstacles. But not if we take charge. Then on the other hand, if we take charge, we tap into our boss's brain, we can also be our biggest strength and propeller to move us in the direction that matters to us. But let's come back to how we now get out of this trap of perception and working memory, creating a hindrance for all of us. Okay. So I want to talk about three tips with you. Pick whatever works for you. You don't have to do every single thing, or you can do all of them, or just pick one or two, whatever. Make it your own. Okay, but I'm gonna share some tips with you, which is grounded in this inner science, which is what we are doing today. Okay. So number one tip it's called the 90-second rule. Basically, you're riding the emotional wave and don't let it drive. Your emotions triggered by past memories, especially fear, shame, or rejection, only last 90 seconds chemically in the brain. Okay, I'd repeat that. Emotions triggered by past memories, especially fear, shame, or rejection only last for 90 seconds chemically in the brain. And after that, we keep them alive with our repetitive thoughts. And again, again, thinking about the same thoughts, same stories that rule our brain. So when you feel triggered, instead of reacting and repeating the same thoughts, say this to yourself, okay? This is just a 90-second wave. Then breathe deeply or step away and let it pass. What it does is it lets your prefrontal cortex, which is the rational part of your brain, regain control over the amygdala, which is the emotional part of your brain. So you're overriding rationality and your high-functioning human brain on top of the emotional brain. Okay. And I want you to use it in meetings, in difficult conversations, or when you're receiving feedback, especially a negative one. Okay, so that's your first tip of the day, the 90-second rule. Second tip. Actually, I want you to do something before I tell you what it is. I want you to take a minute, think of one story or difficult situation that you have been replaying in your head for the last few days or even from last week. Okay. Something happened that made you angry, a conflict, an argument, an irritation from some person, whatever it is. I want you to take 10 seconds and think about that story or that difficult situation and think about replay that in your head, what happened.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

Just do it with me right now. Alright. If you have the situation in mind, I want you to replay in your head.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

And now, as you're thinking about this situation, I want you to pay close attention, okay, to your shoulders, which probably went up and are not relaxed. So I want you to just relax your shoulders. Your body is tight, your heart rate has increased. I want you to notice these things in your body. Merely thinking about an upsetting situation even from weeks ago still has an impact on your body. Your thoughts literally, physically impact your body, even though it is not even happening in the present moment. But rather, it's just a thought recycling from your memory. And then once the stress response in your body is triggered, you are in survival mode, which will cloud your perception for the real life that's actually unfolding in front of you right now. And you will miss seeing things as they truly are. So here's your tip: two to three times during the day, pay close attention to your body and intentionally relax your shoulders. Anytime you remember, you will be surprised how many times your shoulders are tense because there's just so much stress response going in your body all the time and in your head. So, this is what I want you to do two to three times during the day. Pay close attention to your body and intentionally relax your shoulders and do some deep exhalations. This will bring you out of the stress override, keep you centered and present, and then you could also use your five senses. That sometimes is easy. Just use your five senses and name one thing you can see, one thing you can hear, one thing you can smell, taste, and feel. It takes literally five seconds or 10 seconds maximum. Okay, so two to three times, do this grounding and focus all these tension that you're creating in your body to release that pressure and that tension, and that will bring you in the present moment so you can actually be present for what's happening in the real life, so you can actually respond to your current situation and see however it is. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

And now the third and the last tip for today.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

This will help you rewire and create new neural networks in your brain. So we are going to learn to use if-then loop scripts. If-then, right? All my technological friends here, they know if-then loop. We have done it in programming language, but if-then loop scripts. So because we know now that our brain is an anticipation machine, right? We know that it's anticipating things. So let us use this fact of our inner technology information to our advantage. Use this brain science to predict your behavior in usual situations and give it already scripts what it needs to do when this happens. Let me give you some examples. So if one of your patterns is procrastination, okay, and that impacts your perception and how you show up in the present moment. So you write this if-then loop for yourself. If I catch myself scrolling instead of working, then I will close the app and physically move for two minutes. Yes? Make it as creative as you want, but create some script in your head, okay? If I do that, and you would know what are some of the things you do. Now, for patterns like people pleasing, overcommitting, right? You could use a script like, if someone asks me for something unexpected, then I will say, let me check and get back to you, and not answer right away. Or if I start to over-explain my no, then I will pause and just say, that won't work for me right now.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

And one more example.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

For confidence and speaking up in critical meetings, okay? Your if-then script could be if someone interrupts me, then I will say, I'll finish my thought, and then I'd love to hear yours. Make it your own or pick, craft whatever works for you. Trust me, as you start using some of these tips for a couple of weeks, they will become habits as you will create new ways of thinking, thus empowering your boss brain. When your perception is not distorted, you will be more productive, less stressed, less conflicts, have better relationships, and make more informed and intentional decisions. So here's your challenge. This week, pick one of these three tips, okay, and try it daily. DM me, tag at her boss brain. Let's activate our boss brain together. And who knows, that one shift might just change the way you lead, relate, and live this week. Keep shining, put on your boss brain, and lead like you mean it. I'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_03 20:15

So that's it for today's episode of our boss brain podcast. Head on over to Apple Podcasts iTunes or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance in a grand prize drawing to win a twenty-five thousand dollar private VIP day with Pollovy herself. Be sure to head on over to her bossbrainpodcast.com and pick up a free copy of Pelope's gift and join us next time.